I awoke to the sound of a hoof frantically pounding on the door. Blearily blinking my eyes, I attempted to shift my body into a better position to stand from. Immediately, white dots filled my vision from the raw agony shooting through my neck, and I stopped moving. The door gave with a snap-crunch, and a now familiar orange-coated mare lunged through. A spark of fear caused me to tense up, and I grit my teeth to keep from screaming. I succeeded, for the most part, though a whimper still escaped.

Applejack's head swiveled towards the noise, and she looked almost...concerned. Okay, she looked absolutely terrified, but it wasn't on my behalf. It couldn't be. But why would she be afraid of me? I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. I was helpless. Completely helpless. Utterly at the mercy of these candy-colored horses.

Part of me wished they would finally show me some. The rest of me knew better. Clenching my jaw through the pain, I looked up to the orange one with a blank expression. Applejack shuddered slightly under my gaze. I can imagine why, My eyes looked quite dead, when I saw them.

I refused to glare, I refused to grimace, or frown. My lips twitched upwards on the left side, just for a moment. Four years ago I was fawning over Applejack like a schoolyard crush. Now I was deliberately making her uncomfortable out of spite. It's amazing how time changes a man.

Applejack gulped and shook off my stare, stepping forward and manipulating my arm around her withers. “C’mon, ya big ape...Up ‘n at em!” I managed to get my legs under me, and slowly made my way up to an unsteady, stooped stance. Sleeping on the ground while still seriously injured hadn’t done wonders for my soreness. And with the bag of morphine now bone-dry, I was feeling every bit of it.

-----

The walk back to my room was slow-going and perilous, the combined (and awkward) efforts of Applejack’s assistance and my limping lending themselves to more than a couple tumbles. Eventually, however, we made it. I had just gotten into bed when the apple-farming pony wrinkled her muzzle. “Okay. You’ve gotta be the smelliest critter Ah’ve ever seen. Ah’m gonna see about gettin’ ya a bath.” I didn’t bother trying to stop her. Even if I could speak, I remember enough of the show to know there’s no stopping AJ when she sets her eyes on something.

I closed my eyes and sighed. The show...I hadn’t thought of the show in what felt like a lifetime. Back when these ponies were just loveable cartoon characters, I was a huge fan. But now...I still didn't hate them. I couldn't. No matter how angry or hurt I became, part of me still saw them as the amazing characters from an even more amazing cartoon. I suppose I was more disappointed. When I had come here, I'd expected...I don't know what I expected. I'd committed to my choice before I truly thought it through.

...What DID make me come here in the first place? Why did I give everything up? I had a happy family-life. I had plenty of good friends. I had a good job, a home...I drew my knees to my chest and tried to relax, closing my eyes. I’d already cried myself dry the night before. Now I just felt hollow. My mind finally calmed down enough for me to sleep, and I drifted off into nothingness.

-----

I awoke to a jolt of cold water, gasping and half-sitting up before the pain halted me. But like before, it was far away and insignificant. My eyes lazily drifted to the side, where something cold and dripping wet was being dragged across my body. A chill ran across my skin, bringing my attention to my state of dress. Or rather my lack. I was completely naked, the thin blanket pooled around my legs up to my waist being the only thing preserving my decency.

If this had happened two or three years ago...I’d have been fighting it every step of the way. As it was, I was tired of fighting. I just tried to relax, only moving when the cool water hit a particularly sensitive bit. My eyes drifted over to the side where the pony was working, somewhat curious. I’d never gotten a sponge-bath before.

The pony was mostly below my sight, but every once in a while a bit of unkempt straw-blonde mane would pop into view. I closed my eyes and furrowed my eyebrows. After everything she’d done to me, why was Applejack doing this?

It was several more awkward moments before I heard Applejack discard the sponge. Cracking open an eye, I attempted to turn towards her. The mare looked up and instinctively took a step back, but managed to stop herself from running off, or worse, trying to kick me. Taking this as a good sign, I decided to try to speak.

"Wh-...Why did you save me?" My voice was still gravelly and hoarse, but that was to be expected. My throat was still sore, but the fresh bag of morphine dripping into my veins made it bearable. The mare's eyebrows fell into a glare, and I immediately felt a sense of dread.

"Now you listen here ya idjit, just because Ah don't like ya doesn't mean Ah wanna let ya go an' kill yerself." Her peridot gaze was more intense than I had ever seen it, and for the briefest instant I felt like a child being scolded. "Ah don't know what made ya so touched in the head, but There ain't nothing worth dyin' over. What would yer kin think if they found ya strung up in a tree?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't know. I can't even remember what they look like." I'd come to terms with never seeing them again long ago. It's amazing what the mind can process and move past when it has to. I could still think of them, and I'd get down if I dwelled on them, but I've done my mourning. Applejack recoiled as if struck, staring disbelievingly.

"...What happened to 'em?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Clearly, I had hit a sore spot. I laid back and stared up at the ceiling, pondering how to continue.

"I'm...not sure, exactly. As far as I know they could be perfectly fine. I doubt anything bad has happened to them, they were pretty boring folks. I'm the one who left." I smiled and gave a quiet chuckle. "Clearly, not one of my better ideas." Applejack didn't share my humor.

"What d'ya mean ya 'left'? Where'd ya come from?" I'd never had a civil conversation with Applejack. It was surprisingly nice, and I found myself getting more invested.

"That's a bit difficult to explain, but the short version is I'm not supposed to be here, and I can't ever get back." I shrugged "It was a stupid move, but I've had three years to make my peace with it." I hadn't actually spoken about my issues with another living thing in over three years. It was surprisingly therapeutic.

The orange mare took a step back, faltering in her gaze. "Ya can't never see yer family again, and ya act like it's no big deal?" I recognized that stare. It wasn't the stare of a mare who thought I was a monster. It was the stare of a mare who had already thought I was a monster, and I'd just confirmed it. "Don't ya care for 'em?"

I gave my impression of a nod. "Of course I do. I pray every day that they're doing well. But if I don't move on, I'll go crazy." Applejack immediately raised an eyebrow.

"Well thank Celestia ya managed ta avoid that." I barked a laugh at that, the sudden noise startling Applejack and sending me into an agonizing coughing-fit. The mare immediately backpedaled to the door, practically throwing it open. "Ah'll get the nurse!" The door slammed shut, leaving me to finally get my breathing under control. I laid back with a sigh and closed my eyes to sleep.

"Yeah...you do that."