“Waitress?” Twilight Sparkle waved her hoof, trying to cast the arcane and troublesome spell of ‘summon waitstaff’ so she could request something.

Beside her, Sunset Shimmer crammed an enormous bite of flatbread and refried beans with cheese in her mouth. The table was loaded down with food; refried beans, stacks of flatbread, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and an enormous bowl of tortilla chips sat in the middle.

Leaning over to look at the pony beside him, Bucky said, “So, Longhaul, tell me about Kallisti, and how did you get so lucky?”

Kallisti, who was half pony and half zebra, began to titter. Sitting between her and Bucky, Longhaul began to blush as he chewed on his food.

“Waitress?” Twilight Sparkle waved her hoof some more.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky, “ Longhaul said after he swallowed.

Snatching up a chip in his talons, Bucky dredged it through the pile of refried beans on his plate, some cheese, and some sour cream. He stuffed the whole thing into mouth and crunched.

“Thish ish really goosh.” Sunset Shimmer smacked her lips and then licked some beans off of her nose. “Toosh bad the griffonsh aren’t into thish short of food.”

“Waitress?” Twilight frowned. “I swear… it is like nopony notices that there is an alicorn princess around.”

“There’sh different typesh of refried beansh… pintos and turtle beansh!” Sunset Shimmer said as she crammed more food in. “Oh thish ish jusht what I needed!”

“We eat like this every day here. Always surprises me that ponies see this as a treat.” Longhaul set down his spoon and picked up his mug. He took a long drink and then set his mug down with a thud.

Kallisti nodded. “I suppose it is all about what you are used to.”

Her own mouth still full of food, Sunset Shimmer watched in awe as Bucky launched a ferocious attack upon a flatbread taco stuffed with beans, cheese, sour cream, and oozing salsa. Half of it disappeared in the first bite, and then the rest of it was gobbled down bit by bit.

“In the summer, we have corn and tomatoes too… and succotash. During the winter, there are slim pickings.” Longhaul set down his mug and began loading up a piece of flatbread with beans.

“And onions,” Kallisti said. “Fresh vegetables. I miss them.”

“Waitress?” Twilight, looking exasperated, picked up a spoon, scooped up some beans, and shoveled a bite far too big into her mouth.

After guzzling down the contents of his mug, Bucky slammed it down upon the table. Almost like magic, a waitress appeared. She was young, doe eyed, and somewhat bored looking.

“More of that winter wheat ale, if you please,” Bucky said.

Twilight, her mouth full of refried beans, struggled with the need to be polite and the need for more drink. The need for more drink was more pressing than the need to be a polite, pretty, purple pony princess. “Me too!”

The waitress trotted off, her tail swishing around her hind legs.

“I miss Berry Punch… if she was here, she’d devour everything on this table and then wander into the kitchen looking for more. Ever watch a pregnant earth pony eat?” Bucky asked to nopony in particular.

“I’ve watched a pregnant and hungry pegasus gobble down six kilograms of pancakes and syrup in one setting,” Twilight replied after she swallowed. “And then Rainbow Dash guzzled down the rest of the syrup.”

“I bet she was hyper.” Sunset Shimmer eyed her plate and thought about more food.

“No… she barely made it to the sofa and then napped for three hours.” Twilight smiled as the waitress returned with a tray loaded down with more mugs.

“Berry Punch makes this seductive face when she is eating,” Bucky said as he began to prepare another flatbread taco. “She makes this… I dunno… ‘I know I’m pudgy and rotund right now but please try to love me anyway’ face. It makes me love her. The way she just inhales everything while making this sweet face at me…”

Clutching a fresh mug of ale, Twilight Sparkle smiled. “The book I read says that earth ponies power graze when pregnant. Especially with twins.”

“All this talk of pregnancy scares me.” Sunset Shimmer shook her head. “I have plenty of foals all around me if I feel the need to cuddle something.”

“Minion, I have an assignment for you—”

“Get stuffed. Master, the answer is no.”

Looking wounded, Bucky crammed his loaded flatbread into his mouth.

Reading a book, Sunset Shimmer was glad for the quiet time. The common room aboard The Scorned Mare was quiet, most of the griffons were tucked away in their beds, sleeping. Appleloosa was now a pleasant memory and Sunset Shimmer was suffering the dreadful consequences of having several pounds of flatbread tacos in her equine gut.

The effect was almost identical to what having several pounds of tacos in a human gut felt like.

“I’m lonely…”

Looking up from her book, Sunset Shimmer saw Bucky. He was staggering and his talons scrabbled over the floor. He was still learning how to walk with them, Sunset realised he didn’t have subroutines to govern their behaviour any longer.

When Bucky crawled up on the couch beside her, Sunset Shimmer sighed. A moment later, he was hugging her, clinging to her, and Sunset felt a brief moment of worry about Bucky perhaps being a little too lonely and a little too drunk. She set down her book.

“I… I didn’t -hic- think I was coming -hic- home this time…”

Bucky’s legs wrapped a little tighter around her, and Sunset Shimmer could feel his talons clutching at her mane. She placed her forelegs around him and squeezed.

“I never -hic- got to see Bandua’s eyes and -hic- I didn’t think I was -hic- coming home this time.”

Feeling something damp against her neck, Sunset Shimmer closed her eyes. Bucky was drunk, he was lonesome, but he wasn’t after what she had been worried about. Reaching up, she stroked one of his ears and tried to comfort him as he clung to her and whimpered.

“I thought they’d capture me… maybe -hic- rough me up a little. I expected to be -hic- roughed up a little…”

Sunset could feel what strength Bucky had as he clung to her, pressing up against and holding tight, almost like a frightened foal. She felt her own eyes going damp.

“I didn’t -hic- expect that though. They were going to send me -hic- through the portal… -hic- never see my family again… -hic- I heard them saying that I would be useful for defending their city.”

“Bucky, hush, we’re going home and everything is alright,” Sunset Shimmer said in a soft comforting whisper. She could feel Bucky’s barrel hitching against hers.

“The bad part is -hic- I would have helped them… I would have fought -hic- because there are earth ponies -hic- and I love earth ponies!”

Wrapping a foreleg around Bucky’s neck, Sunset Shimmer tried to cradle him as he slumped against her. “I know you do you… you have two of them as wives.”

“No wings… -hic- no horn… no flight -hic- and no reality warping magic… somehow they get through their lives -hic- just being themselves and I wish -hic- I was an earth pony.”

“Why is that?”

“No great expectations of me… -hic- no demands on my magic and no -hic- having to control the weather if I was -hic- a pegasususususususus. I could walk around everywhere, -hic- and smile, and just be a pony -hic- while having a good time -hic- while I eat and drink -hic- and make lots of little earth ponies.”

“Bucky, you love magic… what are you saying?” Sunset Shimmer asked, and then she wished she hadn’t. Engaging drunks in these sorts of conversations was always a bad idea.

“What has -hic- magic done for me lately? Magic can -hic- feck off and take a flying feck at a rolling donut!”

For a moment, Sunset Shimmer thought about bringing up the fact that magic had just made his body whole, but she thought better of it. She patted Bucky on the back and wished she knew what to say.

“I don’t want to -hic- ascend, I want to descend… become an earth pony… maybe I’ll -hic- talk to Discord -hic- about it… yeah… that’s a good idea.”

It was the worst idea that Sunset Shimmer had ever heard, but she said nothing.

“You know how when -hic- ponies are sad or hurt and -hic- they want their mama?”

“Yes Bucky.” Sunset Shimmer gave Bucky a reassuring squeeze.

“I don’t have a mama -hic- but I am really scared and hurt.”

She gave Bucky another squeeze, trying to comfort him, and then, the very worst thing in the world happened. As Sunset was squeezing Bucky, she felt something slip out. There was a pealing squeal that lingered for what felt like several whole minutes.

“That feels really warm… I could feel -hic- the warm air blowing over my belly.”

If you just pretend like nothing happened, everything will be okay, Sunset Shimmer told herself. But everything was not okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. For a moment, Sunset Shimmer wondered if it was worth heading back to the human world to escape this embarrassment. With the mention that Bucky could feel the warm air on his belly, Sunset Shimmer became aware of the fact that the hot patch of warm flesh against her cutie mark had two firm, bulging lumps that pressed against her, a fact that her brain had blocked out up until this moment.

Nope, things will never be okay again, Sunset Shimmer thought to herself.

“You have Celestia to run to when you are scared or hurt,” Sunset Shimmer said, desperate to draw her attention away from the embarrassment that made her want to self disintegrate. “And Luna… I know if you were hurt, Luna would comfort you.”

“My mother -hic- was a bad pony!”

“I know Bucky.” Sunset Shimmer tried to rock Bucky in her forelegs while simultaneously trying to ignore what was rubbing up against her. Not getting drunk at dinner was a mistake. It would have made this so much easier. The neurosis was like a painful itch behind the eyes and Sunset could feel her inner sense of revulsion going from a bud to a full blossom.

At least humans wore clothes, not that pants did much to stop an erection pressing against you. Sunset Shimmer hoped that nothing else rubbed up against her. This could not possibly get more awkward.

“I hurt so much inside... -hic- can you sing to me?” Bucky asked in a very foalish voice.

“No… Bucky… I… I can’t…”

“Please?”

“No…”

“Sunset, please?”

“Fine, I know one song I could sing… it was sung by an old man and I listened to it almost everyday when I was trapped on the other side of the mirror.” She felt Bucky’s forelegs tighten around her middle and Sunset Shimmer wondered if it was possible to feel any more awkward.

Sunset cleared her throat and lifted her head.

“Is it a happy -hic- song?” Bucky asked.

“No Bucky… but it is a song I know, one I understand,” Sunset Shimmer replied.

Bucky hiccupped again and buried his face into Sunset Shimmer’s neck.

Sunset Shimmer was about to ask what Bucky thought about the song when she realised that he had fallen asleep. With a gentle touch of her hoof, she stroked his ears. “I waited and waited… and when it finally happened, I almost missed it because I had become so cynical and jaded.” Sunset Shimmer sighed. “I wish I was home with Bartleby and Trixie.”

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di-etRm4cN8