Derpy awoke. She struggled into wakefulness. She was sore all over. Her wings were crusted over with something that had formed what resembled a glaze. She was sore down there. She was also stuck to the bed. As she tried to roll over, she could feel a patch of her pelt being pulled out, each little hair of her pelt stung as it was pulled free. With a jerk, she freed herself from the sticky spot that cemented her into place.

“Ow,” the grey mare whimpered, rubbing the patch where she had just lost some hair. “Oh my, what did we do?” she asked, looking around. These sheets needed to be burned.

Berry Punch awoke with a snort and raised her head. One ear was plastered to the side of her face, glued in place with something. She had fallen asleep in a puddle and now, her ear was glossy with some kind of dried fluid of some sort.

She too was stuck to the bed, and whimpered as she pulled herself free, leaving behind a bit of plum coloured hairs on the sheet she had been stuck to.

“My plot hurts,” Berry mumbled.

“Mine too,” Derpy grumbled. The gray mare lifted her leg and let go with her usual morning flatulence. This morning’s stench was truly awful, smelling feculent and spunky, an odd aroma of eggs and mushroom soup.

“I’m stuck,” Bucky muttered.

“We all woke up stuck,” Derpy said, grunting and farting again. Something runny dribbled out as she did so.

“Bleh, pegasus farts!” Bucky complained.

“You certainly enjoyed the source of the stink last night,” Berry quipped.

“Yeah I did,” Bucky replied in a small voice, blushing furiously. He sat up suddenly, tearing himself free of the sheet. “Ooooow,” he hissed, leaving behind a patch of back hair from his pelt.

“My ear is stuck to my face,” Berry said. “Ugh.”

“That crusty puddle looks a bit like milk chocolate,” Derpy reflected, scratching her filthy filly bits.

Berry Punch became rather green looking and covered her mouth with one crusty filthy fetlock. She pulled her foreleg away and looked at it in horror. “What did we do?” she asked, looking horrified.

“Each other,” Bucky replied, not thinking about his words.

Both mares stared at him wide eyed. At one point, Bucky would never have been able to say that. And now, he was yawning, barely aware of his own words.

“Bath,” Bucky grumbled. He effortlessly hoisted both mares in his magic, scooted off the bed, stumbled towards the door, crashed through the door, slammed into the hallway wall, and then ricocheted into the bathroom door. He stumbled though, his mares in tow, flipped the levers to get the water running, and then dropped both mares into the tub. He added copious amount of bubble bath and then squeezed in himself as the tub was filling.

Derpy sat at the end, with Berry leaning against her belly, and Bucky sat at the other end, facing both mares.

“Bath,” Bucky said again, yawning after he spoke.

“I am actually crusted shut down there,” Berry confessed, feeling the water loosening the hardened crust.

“We need to clean up,” Derpy rasped, wrapping her forelegs around Berry Punch and holding her close. “The bed is…”

“Destroyed?” Berry finished.

Bucky nodded. “I’ll do the laundry,” he offered.

“So sweet, I hate laundry,” Derpy said, her breath tickling the back of Berry’s head.

“My ear is stuck,” Berry complained, her ear still plastered to the side of her face.

The tub full, Bucky flicked the levers and turned off the water. The three ponies soaked in the hot bath full of bubbles, the mares and the stallion exchanging glances from one end of the tub to the other.

“This doesn’t seem like the romantic morning after that it should be,” Berry said, thinking out loud.

“No, it doesn’t,” Derpy said, rolling her hips and scraping her filly bits against Berry’s spine, trying to work loose the sticky feeling. Water began to flood in and it felt so good. Derpy gasped.

“I bet both of you are pleased with yourselves, pinning me down several times and having your way with me,” Berry said with a grin, feeling the pegasus grinding up against her spine. She shivered, causing Derpy to gasp. “Turnabout is fair play,” Berry threatened good naturedly.

“Alpha privilege,” Derpy replied.

“Some alpha, I do believe that Bucky had us both completely under his control,” Berry snorted.

Bucky said nothing, but sat blushing and looking a bit smug.

“That doesn’t bother me. It was nice to see him take charge a bit,” Derpy said, rubbing her hooves over Berry’s barrel.

“Well, I will keep that in mind when we plot against you and pin you down,” Berry growled as the pegasus squeezed her lovingly.

“Any time you think you can take me,” Derpy said, pushing Berry Punch down into the water and dunking her.

She popped up a moment later, gasping, her ear no longer stuck. After catching her breath, she giggled. “Might be more fun to try and pin him down,” Berry suggested with a wicked grin.

“We can take turns pinning each other down,” Derpy said, scooching herself down into the water and giving her wings a good soak. “But last night, you had to be tamed, you troublemaker you.”

“Aw, you say such sweet things,” Berry said, blinking her eyelashes several times.

The house was filled with the scent of delicious food when they emerged from the bathroom. It seemed they had a helpful guest. Somepony was singing some lewd sea shanty down in the kitchen, a song about buggering some filly who ran away from home.

“Barley,” the three of them all said together.

They went down the stairs together, the smell of food getting stronger, trampled through the living room, and stormed the kitchen, taking seats at the table.

“Aye, this house reeeeeeeeks of sin and buggery,” Barley quipped, placing a carton of orange juice on the table as he did so. “Not that I’m complaining. How goes the foal making?”

The two mares began to blush and Bucky squirmed.

“Really though, we need to crack open every window before the foals come home. The neighbors will all smell what has been going on though. Be prood lasses, be prood. The neighbors all got a good earful last night,” Barley praised as he set a bowl of cracked wheat porridge on the table.

“Oh… gosh,” Derpy said, turning a lovely shade of puce.

“Luna and I heard everything going on in the town square. We went a frolickin’ in the town fountain last night. Had ourselves a nice time. She’s a nice mare. Old fashioned. I like her values,” Barley huffed as he settled into a kitchen chair.

Bucky sank down into his chair. “You could hear us?”

“Berry has the Curse o’ the Isles, sounded like sheep buggery all over town,” Barley quipped as he helped himself to the porridge.

“Oh damnit,” Berry swore as she poured a glass of orange juice.

“What were ye doin’ to me sweet little Berry to make her bleat all the bloody night?” Barley asked Bucky.

“I, uh, may have had a hoof in that,” Derpy said guiltily.

“I bet you had yer hoof in sumptin!” Barley roared, clapping Berry on the back.

“Yeah,” Berry Punch replied, feeling Berry sheepish.

“So, I expect foals in a about a year, I’ve marked me bloody calendar,” the old stallion said with his mouth full of porridge and dried fruit. “‘Cause the stank of mare in heat is waftin’ from every wall of this house.”

“Heat? No… it isn’t time. I am not in my cycle. I should be soonish, which is why I was in a hurry to settle down,” Berry retorted.

“I am a summer mare, I get the horrible summer heat,” Derpy said, lifting her glass of orange juice. She drank, belched loudly, and then drank again. When she finished drinking, she spoke: “I think I’d know if I was in heat.”

Barley said nothing, but shot a knowing glance at Bucky, who was busy stuffing his face and guzzling orange juice between bites.

“I feel like I should be at work. I’ve taken an extended leave. I don’t know what to do. Everything went out of control for a while,” Derpy said, her face furrowed in thought.

“Quit yer job,” Barley said. “Yer done.”

“What?” Derpy exclaimed in shock.

“You are done my pretty lass. No more work for you. From now on, you are a full time mother. I’ve been talking with the Apple family and Mr. Rich, and I am going to be making some big batches of apple whiskey, apple cider, as well as me own batches of sweet nectar. Berry can help me once all of this blows over. Well, Bucky too I reckon, he’s got that mark for it. We’re set for money. I’m old, but I am an old unicorn, and my horn still works even though my body has gone to shite in so many ways,” Barley explained.

The grey mare sat in shock, not moving, not saying anything, and then, quite suddenly, she began to cry.

“You can work, you can work, please, no crying, that’s blackmail,” Barley begged.

“No…” sobbed Derpy. “I’m happy,” she sniffled.

Barley took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks in relief. He cast his glance at niece, who gave a nod, and then at Bucky, who stared at him blankly.

“Laddie, I don’t mean to invite my sorry old self, but I’d like to be a part of this herd. I want to offer my support, and be here for the foals. I’m old, and I’d like to spend my last years in a big family, offering up my wisdom to the next generation,” the old unicorn asked the much younger unicorn.

Berry stared at Bucky intently, waiting.

“Why ask me? I don’t understand what is going on here, I thought Derpy was the alpha,” Bucky questioned.

“Derpy is the alpha for the female decisions of the herd,” Berry answered. “You make the male decisions. Barley wants in as a loving and devoted uncle. Only you have that right Bucky.”

“Oh,” Bucky said, dropping his spoon into his bowl. “I don’t know about these rules,” Bucky muttered.

“That is why we are teaching you as we go,” Berry replied, smiling slightly. “You have to decide what is best for all of us sometimes, and you manage the male end of the family. Barley is another male, and he seeks shelter under our roof, so to speak,” Berry added.

“I’d be stupid to say no,” Bucky said. “So yes.”

Barley took another deep breath and bowed his head. “You have my thanks,” he said in gratitude. “Whatever life I have left in me, I intend to be a provider for my wee sweet Berry and her family, as compensation for being able to die proper, foals around my bed as it should be.”

“Thank you,” Derpy said, wiping her eyes with her fetlock. “Can I work in the brewery though? I like saying I have a job,” Derpy asked.

“Family business, so of course,” Barley answered.

“I like the idea of a family business,” Bucky quipped.

“Our type of business should be a family affair,” Berry Punch agreed.

“No more stupid mailbag,” Derpy sighed, flexing her wings.

“And one of or two of us will always be able to be home with the foals,” Barley said, grinning with an almost manic pride. “Cause really, that is all it boils down to, making foals and keeping them safe.”

“I’ve been offered my own position but I can do both,” Bucky said thoughtfully.

“I do believe we are going to have more bits than we know what to do with,” Barley said with a certain sense of self assurance.

“Time to fix up the old family farmhouse,” Berry sighed.

“Already on that lass,” Barley said. “My name is still on the deed it seems.”

“Oh,” Berry said. “I didn’t know.”

“I should be getting the first big advance from the Crown in a couple of weeks,” Barley cackled. “I’ll be using that to help fix up the house.”

“Crown?” Bucky asked.

“Luna is paying me to make whiskey, high test whiskey, she wants a few barrels of moonshine for the royal cellars. I’ve taken the job. The coin was too good to refuse,” Barley explained, refilling everybody’s glasses with orange juice as he did so. “The barrels on me arse was all she needed to know that I was good for my word.”

“And the fact that you shagged her has nothing to do with it, I am sure,” Berry laughed.

“Eh, I told her that the only thing I do better than shagging is making whiskey and beer,” Barley confessed. “And she hired me on the spot.”

Author's Notes:

Ugh, the aftermath. Ick.

Let me know if I missed anything, I do sometimes make tyops.

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