“I want her head!”

Princess Celestia leveled her gaze at the mare sitting opposite of her at the table. Buckminster’s mother, Primrose Propers. An absolutely awful example of what a unicorn could be. Unicorns like her were the reason why Princess Celestia had to create her school in the first place.

“Your Ladyship, may I remind you, it was your family that created those laws that allow the declaration of war and the freedom from consequences afterwards. May I also remind you that your family used that law to kill quite a number of rivals and then immediately sued for peace afterwards, allowing you to indiscriminately kill your foes and then pay a pittance to remove yourself from any responsibility,” Princess Celestia said in frigid tones to the hated mare across the table.

“How dare you say such things!” Primrose reprimanded. “May I remind you that you would not even have your tacky crown and the throne of Equestria without my family! Princess Platinum backed your gambit because she trusted you as a neutral party among the noble unicorns, the servile pegasi, and those filthy mud ponies.”

“Yes, a family that you married into, so not your family at all. I remember when your ancestors scrubbed my chamber pots,” Princess Celestia snapped.

Primrose looked mortified for a moment and then regained her composure. “That mare came to my home and viciously assaulted me for no reason at all! I demand that you do something at once, you, you, you pretender to the throne!” Primrose shrieked.

“And you do not seem any worse for wear,” Princess Celestia retorted.

“That is not the point! I am not obligated to suffer like those lower class wretches! I demand you do something at once or I will make it my life’s mission to see that the political power that House Avarice affords you dries up!” Primrose threatened.

For a brief moment, Princess Celestia entertained the notion of declaring war upon House Avarice and obliterating the obnoxious noblemare. It was certainly tempting. A little too tempting. Princess Celestia decided it was time to end the meeting.

“Begone, I have heard your pleas, you have no grounds. This meeting is over. Threaten the Crown again and it will mean war,” Princess Celestia said to the now staggered mare who had her mouth hanging open.

After speaking her piece, Princess Celestia simply blinked away.

In her private quarters, Celestia looked over her pile of messages. There were guards volunteering to go take Ponyville. Guards who probably intended to surrender the moment they arrived. Word had spread fast. At least the war with Ponyville was nothing to worry about. The other war was far more worrisome.

There was a message from Luna describing her views on the current crisis, including multiple mentions not to worry, a stack of messages from various Canterlot nobles demanding action be taken and for the Crown to actually do something for once, rather than sit back and grow fat from taxes.

The final message proved to be the most interesting. It had the noble seal of Clan Pickled and it was a message from Keg Smasher, High Laird of the Isles.

Celestia sighed. Under the current political conditions, the Crown was forced not to acknowledge any title greater than Laird, or landowner among Clan Pickled. The simple truth was, Keg Smasher would make for a fine High Chief. Or even a Prince. Celestia liked the rowdy pegasus a great deal. She cracked open the seal and unrolled the scroll, seeing that Keg Smasher had written this himself in his funny scrawling script. Celestia felt warmed by the gesture and appreciated it. Keg Smasher could have had a scribe write it for him in fine perfect script, but he had instead done it himself, pen in mouth.

As Celestia read the letter, she laughed a little, then cried a little, and then, after a long time of simply reading, she heaved a sigh of relief. The rowdy pegasus had sent a little hope in Celestia’s direction, and she felt most grateful.

“Are you sure you aren’t angry with me?”

Bucky considered the words carefully, exchanging a glance with Derpy as he did so. He felt Derpy’s feathers brush against him slightly.

“I am not angry with you,” Bucky said. “All of this is a mess, but we will move through this together.”

“I’m a little angry with you,” Derpy confessed. “The more I think about it, the more I realise I should have been there with you, you stupid numbskull. You left me behind. You took away my choice of going with you as a friend and a soon to be fellow-wife.”

“I’m sorry,” Berry Punch apologised, no traces of mirth in her voice.

“What you did was stupid! What if you had been hurt!” Derpy growled, reaching out and delivering a powerful swat to Berry Punch’s muzzle.

Berry sat in shock from the blow, blinking and looking surprised. “I love you too, I’ll try not to let you down again. I really am sorry,” she said, unable to meet Derpy’s gaze, and not because of Derpy’s eyes. “Bucky, if you want a free shot, here is your chance. I have it coming,” Berry invited.

Bucky reached up with one foreleg, extended it, and gently brushed the side of Berry’s face where Derpy had swatted her. “You crazy crazy mare. I don’t know what I am going to do with you,” Bucky admitted.

“Nopony else would have her at this point,” Derpy snarked. “We’re stuck with this numbskull.”

“So, one somewhat broken snob, one numbskull, and one very patient pegasus who watches over us both,” Bucky said, taking everything into account.

“I’m not perfect,” Derpy confessed.

“Oh yes you are,” Bucky said, grabbing her suddenly and pulling her close. “I am a high society snob. I might be broken, but I do not accept anything less than perfection.”

Derpy’s face turned a deep shade of purple and she began to stammer wordlessly as Bucky developed a case of wandering hooves. She waggled her eyebrows seductively.

“Explain me then,” Berry challenged, raising her gaze to meet Bucky’s.

“Still perfect,” Bucky admitted.

“I’m not sure I deserve that,” Berry said, sounding uncertain.

“Hush numbskull,” Bucky ordered.

“Make me…” Berry said with a bit of a challenge.

A second later, the earth pony was being subdued by the pegasus while the unicorn silenced the earth pony the only way he could, with a passionate kiss on the lips. The pegasus had a terrible case of exploratory wingtips, allowing her feathers to travel everywhere as she held the earth pony and kept her pinned. The earth pony struggled to laugh because her mouth was a little busy.

“UGH!” Sparkler said. “Get a room if you are going to do that!” She stood on the stairs, watching the adults on the living room floor. “Seriously, just go get a room, shag one another, get it out of your systems.”

“We’ve waited this long, we’re going to wait until marriage,” Derpy said, still pinning the squirming giggling earth pony mare. “I want to be a good example for you,” Derpy explained, smiling at Sparkler.

“Yeah, but I am going to go blind if this keeps up. Or develop a complex. Or become afraid to leave my room,” Sparkler protested.

Bucky ceased his assault and let go of Berry. He focused on Derpy instead, taking the mare by surprise. Berry scrambled away, crawling on her belly, giggling like mad.

“Aw, mom is happy,” Sparkler said, watching her mother pin Bucky to the floor and take control of the situation. She slammed him down a few times to establish dominance and Sparkler took notes. Sparkler took note of her mother’s heavy grunting and snorting and felt a little alarmed. She felt a brief moment of pity for Bucky.

“I want little brothers, dad,” Sparkler requested.

Bucky froze completely, which caused Derpy to pull away in alarm. Bucky lay on the floor, completely non-responsive.

“Bucky?” Derpy said, poking him with a hoof.

The prone unicorn did not reply.

Berry crawled back over, still on her belly, and prodded Bucky with her hoof, and no reply. Bucky usually responded to Berry’s hoof prods… everypony had noticed that.

“Bucky, say something, are you having a panic attack?” Berry asked, shoving him roughly with her hoof.

“No, I’m fine,” Bucky said in a low strained voice. “Maybe not fine.” He lay on the floor unmoving, staring up at the ceiling. One side of his face twitched, the paralysed side of his face stayed still.

“I’m sorry, I thought it would be alright to call you that,” Sparkler said, finally understanding what had happened.

“I’m glad you did,” Bucky said, still staring upward. “Just caught me off guard. I guess Dinky will call me that now.”

“Dinky keeps asking me about it,” Sparkler said. “Piña too, but that gets a little complicated because she is Berry’s little sister.”

“I guess we need to talk about this,” Bucky admitted.

“More words,” Derpy said, sighing. “What is there to talk about? Dinky is going to have a daddy, Piña might as well be Berry’s foal, and both of them love you to pieces. Just let things happen,” Derpy said, pressing her wingtip down on Bucky’s lips.

“It wouldn’t bother me if Piña called you daddy,” Berry said, collapsing down on top of Bucky’s barrel and crushing him. She lay there, sprawled over Bucky, looking thoughtful.

Sparkler came over and tackled her mother, crushing the pegasus down to the floor. She pressed her face into her mother’s neck and inhaled deeply, smelling her mother’s scent. “Thank you for everything you have given me,” Sparkler whispered. “You gave me a life, and I cannot thank you enough.”

Derpy began to snuffle, wiping at her eyes with a fetlock. “Stop it Sparky,” she murmured. “I’m really emotional lately.”

Dinky came trotting down the stairs, Piña just behind her, yawning and now awake from her nap. She wasted no time in joining the pony pile, vigourously rubbing against her mother, and Piña piled in on top of her sister, who was still sprawled over Bucky.

“Dinky, you have a daddy,” Sparkler said, grabbing her little sister and squeezing her tightly. Derpy squirmed around until she could get her forelegs around both of her foals, and she began to squish them in the most motherly way possible.

“What about me?” Piña asked, raising her head.

“You can call Bucky whatever you are comfortable with,” Berry said. “Forget all about the complicated stuff for now.”

“Bucky, are you crying?” Sparkler asked.

Bucky made no reply as his eyes flooded with tears.

Derpy, hearing Sparkler’s words, moved to comfort the now emotionally fragile unicorn, his moods as variable as a leaf on the breeze as of late.

Pony pile dynamics caused a major shift of distributed pony mass, with Derpy’s pony pile merging with Berry’s pony pile, and suddenly, Bucky found himself buried under a writhing mass of ponies. Dinky claimed the top of the pile, and began to pull Piña up there with her, sitting on top of Sparkler, who was piled on top of Derpy, who was sprawled over Berry and Bucky.

Not all that long ago, such an act would have caused outright panic.

Now, the panic was only a mild panic, and Bucky was able to cope with it. He lay pinned, pressed under a ponderous mass of ponies, feeling a whole lot better about life.

Derpy’s navel was pressed tightly against the side of Bucky’s face, so he turned his head, wedging his muzzle into a very delicate area on the grey mare.

Derpy wiggled, threatening the pony pile dynamic of stability, which was tenuous at best, and haphazard at worst. The pile was structurally unsound. Unicorns did not make good foundations for anything. Society, empires, pony piles…

Bucky blew a long raspberry, which completely wrecked Derpy’s ability to provide stability for her distributed load bearing mass she provided for the ponies above her. The raspberry vibrated the poor mare in the space just below her navel, and Bucky could feel her belly button on his chin.

Derpy had an outie, but he already knew that.

The pony pile suffered catastrophic collapse, and Dinky and Piña tumbled to the floor. Sparkler almost squished Dinky as she slid off, letting out a giggling cry as she went.

“Some jerk blew a raspberry right in between my te-”

Derpy was cut off by Berry’s hoof pressing into her mouth, Berry giggling madly.

“Mommy had a raspberry where?” Dinky asked, blinking, rubbing her bumblebee cutie mark, which she had landed on.

“In a very ticklish place,” Sparkler said.

“I know where,” Piña said, blushing, turning even pinker than she was. Her ears drooped in embarrassment.

“Piña, shush!” Berry said, still giggling.

“Adult areas. Where the snorgasm happens,” Piña announced.

“Oh my,” Sparkler said, turning purple-pinker and beginning to giggle. “Poor mom. She’s already so frustrated.”

Derpy pushed Berry’s hoof away. “Bucky, I am going to wreck you, just so you know. No more nice mare,” Derpy threatened. “You just wait.”

Derpy rose up onto her hooves unsteadily, her wings half flared. She shuddered, giving herself a good shake. She felt warm and flustered.

It is interesting to note that pegasi physiology was geared towards turning their body into one big heat sink, and pegasi were prone to overheating from physical exertion. Their wings were filled with spongy tissues that could be flooded with blood, allowing for increased airflow over a large amount of surface area, rapidly cooling their body. In order to maximise the amount of surface area, the wings were capable of extending forcefully outward to their full length, each feather lifting away and extending outward away from the skin, allowing for the maximum amount of airflow to cool the overheated pegasus in a most efficient manner.

Pegasi called this much needed survival adaptation ‘the wing boner’ and every pegasus had stories of it happening at the most embarrassing times.

Her flared wings were not enough to cool her rapidly overheating body and Derpy’s brain released a flood of chemicals to trigger emergency heat dumping as the pegasus mare thought about taking something from Bucky that he could only give away once. She wanted it more than anything else in the whole wide world.

The crack her wings made as they ejected outwards was almost supersonic, very much like the crack of a whip, and it sent the foals scattering, another useful biological adaptation, creating privacy for more foal making.

The extended wings also created the most useful hoof holds, allowing for the violent and athletic sex that the pegasi were known for.

Sexual arousal also triggered the magically charged pegasus adrenal glands, which made their skin harden, which in turn caused their entire body to suffer a rock hard state, which is part of the reason why pegasi were known as brutes. They suffered full body erections during the height of arousal.

Only the very brave, the very durable, or the very stupid took pegasi as mates if they were not pegasi themselves.

Bucky was not very brave and he certainly was not very durable, but he had one thing in spades.

Derpy stood over Bucky and Berry, her wings spread wide, smiling a very violent and predatory smile as she stared down at the unicorn and the earth pony she had claimed as her own.

Author's Notes:

This chapter suffered three major rewrites, most of which took place in the growing family dynamic in the latter half of the chapter.

Pony pile dynamics had to be created in order to express the snugglocity of the situation in the proper way, which can only be measured along the carefully calculated cuddle-curve dynamic theory.

Sort of like a bell curve but only a lot more adorable.

I am still working on the unified ponies posing as particles theory, and various sub theories of attraction among the particles in their various states.

Let me know if I missed something. Yes, I spelled snugglocity correctly. Don't bother.