Dear Tree Humper
Tree Haver
Tree Planter
Tree Rider
Tree Friend
Treant
Fluttershy's Hippie Friend

You are a wretched box of filth and semen. You irradiate a stench to up to a ten foot radius is best described as a mix of pot, fresh diarrhea, and shame. The only thing more shameful than your stench was the stickiness I felt every time I was foolish enough to make physical contact with you, and I supect the only reason Fluttershy likes you is because you remind her of her fetid, putrid, odorous house where animals defecate, pee, breed and die quite regularly.

Yours sincerely, Discord.

P.S. Fluttershy says hello.

Ponyville Post Office

Dear Representative of the Ponyville Postal Services,

You are an incompetent gathering of three month old afterbirth! Not only do you have the nerve to tell me I can't mail live bunnies to Zebrabwe, you can't even deliver something as important and valuable as a Grand Galloping Gala ticket to me on time! You incompetent boobs are so terrible at your jobs, I feel like I owe poor Fax Machine an apology; apparently if he didn't send Twilight's letters to Celestia for her, she'd never recieve them!

In response to your letter, though, I haven't seen your mail colt. I'm sure he'll turn up. Oh, don't worry if he's speaking backwards when you find him, that'll wear off.

Yours sincerely, Discord.

Gilda

Dear Gilda,

You are a mind-cringingly loudmouthed hate-chicken! Just because you're pissed off that Pinkie stole your girlfriend doesn't mean you lost the ability to not scream every other word that you spew from your bile-coated beak, you obnoxious pussycock, and I hope you cried when you realized Rainbow Dash wasn't offering you makeup sex.

Yours sincerely, Discord.

Cranky and Matilda Doodle

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doodle,

You two are incompetent, dimwitted lesser creatures! That you hired Derpy Ditzy Doo Muffins the lazy-eyed klutz to send your wedding invitations out is a sign that your marriage is as doomed as the poor mail colt that the Postal Service could never find. You're both asses, so there!

May you have many happy years.

Sincerely yours, Discord

Dear Steve Magnet,

You are an ass! Poor Matilda was quite reasonably afraid of her botched wedding being a precursor to hers and Cranky's completely doomed marriage and you decide to make it worse? Now, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing, but you were honor-bound to be more supportive than that to your best friend's wife-to-be, you great big gay lizard.

Sincerely yours, Discord

Dear Bugbear,

You are a great big gay lizard! What the hell happened? If you didn't like Fluttershy's tea you didn't have to go on a rampage and destroy Ponyville! This is why nopony ever invites you to parties, you dimwitted lesser creature!

Sincerely yours, Discord