Dear Princess Cadence,

You are a quivering mass of unattended sexual fluids. I've seen ponies do unnatural things with magic - heck, I turned Ponyville into the Green Hill Zone - but messing with ponies and making them fall in love? Does Shining even love you, or did you do to him what Chrysalis did to him much later? If anypony should be sealed in stone for a thousand years, it's you, you over-hyped magical she-pimp.

Yours sincerely, Discord