Never The Final Word (Vol. 1)
Chapter 29: Lunae Lumen's "The Toughest" (Aegis Shield's "Human Rituals")
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[Comedy]
This chapter is written by Lunae Lumen. It is a continuation of Aegis Shield's Human Rituals (7817 words, [Human] [Slice of Life]).
HUMAN RITUALS SUMMARY: A human in Equestria explains various cultural differences to the ponies he lives with. This microfic is based on a particular line from Chapter 3, in which the human visits a local restaurant with Spike (and discusses the custom of tipping).
Spike and I stood in front of the one ‘foreign’ restaurant in Ponyville. I scratched my head a little at the black and red sign as the last train of the day screamed by. Spike held onto my hair since he was sitting on my right shoulder. I swatted at him a little, then let him slide down my arm as we approached the bouncer.
“Welcome to the Predator’s Lounge,” the lion-bodied bird at the porch said with a snarl. “How tough are ya?!” He leaned at me aggressively, even though I towered over him by several feet.
Pinkie Pie walks into a bar. Poking out from her frizzy mane is the familiar spiral shape of a unicorn's horn.
“Welcome to the Predator’s Lounge. How tough are ya?!”
Pinkie slowly raises a hoof to her head. There is a resounding CRACK as the horn snaps free. With a flick of her hoof, she pops it into her mouth and starts to chew. The crunching sound fills every corner of the suddenly silent bar. Each crunch draws a flinch from every unicorn in the room.
Pinkie Pie swallows. Several unicorns faint.
The nervous bouncer says, "Uh, g-go right in."
"Gee, thanks! Want some rock candy?"
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