Author's Notes:

Be warned these Bloopers contain mildly dark humor and joking. Please do not take seriously and have a nice day!

Smokey Arrival: Chapter 1
Six months before Magnificent Souls’ Pilot Chapter.

As the timber wolves reached the halfway mark, meaning the entrance to the cave, he backed up until his foot was on the edge of the plateau. He looked down to see the long fall that awaited him if he decided he didn’t want to be mauled by wolves. He took a shaky breath as he was trying to make his decision. With a final deep breath he stood straight up and prepared to jump off before a sudden light filled the air.

Time seemed to stop as the massive sapphire flames spewed out of the cave entrance, spraying the wolves in front of Chad with their intense and beautiful power. He stood there in awe as he saw the wolves turn from the beasts of the forest, to simply lit kindle for a nice bonfire. As the flames stopped pouring from the entrance of the fire, the only proof of the wolves ever being there was a dozen piles of blackened ash.

“Holy shit...” Chad muttered before smiling and pumping both of his fists in the air. “HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO FREAKING COOL!”
There was a somewhat loud ‘THUMP’ as the blue dragon from before crawled out of the cave and looked down at Chad with a disappointed stare. “I thought I told you-”

“DIE, FOUL MONSTROSITY!!” An angry, masculine bellowed out. Before anyone could register what was happening, a man clad in steel and blue rushed forward and leapt onto Sapphire’s nose, holding a large blade in his hand, preparing to plunge the steel down. Sapphire snorted and shook her head hard, sending the Knight of kilter and towards the ground. He land with a loud crash, some debris being sent up from the set as his armor dented the floor.

“What the fuck?! Who the hell are you!?” Chad shouted as the man leapt to his feet, far to agile than he should be in his heavy armor. The man turned his head for only a moment before a large blue paw came down and snatched him up, squeezing his arms against his body.

“I’m Saving your life!!” The man shouted, as he pulled an arm from the Dragon’s grip. His metal hand ignited and began to glow blindingly bright as he pull his arm back. Everyone began to panic as a large ball of flame launched from his hand, narrowly missing Sapphire’s head.

“EVERYONE! CHILL THE FUCK OUT!” Shouted a man in a security uniform. “You!” He pointed at the man. “CALM THE FUCK DOWN!”

“But it’s a beast of legend!! A monster that must be slain!” The man shouted, pulling a dagger from his belt and jabbing at Sapphire’s claw, Despite it doing nothing but annoy her. “Why! Won’t! You! Die!?” Sapphire groaned and dropped him in front of the security officer. “AAUGH! I LANDED ON MINE KEYS!!”

A collective “oooooh...” was heard through the studio as the man writhed on the ground, shifting wildly in place, clutching his side. “THE PAAAAAAIN! THIS IS WORSE A FORBIDDEN SUN!!” The man wailed before rolling onto his uninjured side, whimpering quietly, the security guard pointed his taser at him and fired. The barbs deflected off of his armor and hit a technician walking by, he was smiling and whistling a merry tune. In his hand was a piece of paper saying he’d gotten into harvard with a full scholarship. The man let out a yelp and fell to the floor convulsing.

“OH MY GOD! I HIT REGGIE!”

~!~
Chapter 1:

‘These beasts’ children will not harm others as they have.’ He growled into his own thoughts as he walked to the nearest tree. He cared not for the forest or the creatures it held now. It would make his journey easier and whatever monster’s resided inside would burn. He savagely jammed the torch into the nearest egg sack, hearing the screams of the eggs inside popping and hissing as they were-....

“Uh, Artemis?” The director’s muffled voice sounded out as he walked out in front of the camera. The Knight groaned as he took the flaming torch out and jammed it back in. When it did not ignite, he sighed in annoyance, pulling out the gunk covered torch.

“It won’t light! I swear, this didn’t happen during rehearsal...” Artemis spoke, waving the torch in a tandem with his voice. A tech stepped out into the scene with a jerry can of kerosene. He quickly doused the spiders with a generous helping of fuel before turning to the knight

“Here, we’ll just edit the two scenes together in post.” The man took a zippo lighter from his pocket and flicked the wheel. A small flame formed and he lowered the device to the kerosene soaked props. They quickly caught on fire. “There we go-” The fire then spread to the tech. “HOLY SHIT! I’M ON FIRE!” The man started running around in circles before slamming into the backdrop. He laid there for several minutes, burning, before a scowling earth pony finally stepped in and beaned him in the head with a fire extinguisher.

“Dumbass!” Shouted the pony, he turned and started away from the now beaten, burning man.

“Hey, Sledge! Pay up!”

“FUCK YOU! HE DIDN’T EXPLODE!” There was a small explosion. “Nevermind, lemme get my wallet.”

“... Are we really just gonna leave him there?”

“FUCK YOU, REGGIE!”

~!~
On Set: Crew and Cast interview.
One Week after Artemis’ integration.

Director’s POV:

“So, what’s it like working with a man who comes from a time of dragons and magic?” A voice asked from behind the camera.

“Well... it’s difficult to say the least.” I stated. “I mean, he has a very low attention span, he keeps scribbling all over the floors with that weird crystal, and on more than one occasion have I caught him having sex with most of the female members of the crew... Some of the cast... Even nurse I think.”

“... Really?”

“Oh yeah... he makes NO effort to be quiet... Says he’s been pent up.”

~!~
On Set: Crew and Cast interview.
One Week after Artemis’ integration.

Sledge’s POV:

“So, what’s it like working with a man who comes from a time of dragons and magic?” A voice asked from behind the camera.

“I come from a time of dragons and magic. You don’t see me *BLEEP*ing everything that moves!” Sledge says angrily. “I HAVEN’T FELT THE LOVING EMBRACE OF ANOTHER LIVING BEING IN THREE YEARS, AND HE JUST COMES IN AND TURNS INTO SOME SORT OF HUGH HEFNER!? WHAT THE *BLEEP*!”

*beep*

“I’m calm… Sorry… I just.. I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I WANNA RIP HIS THR-!”

*beep*

“Moving on, how has he been adjusting to his new role?”

“Oh! He *BLEEP*ing LOVES it here! Are you kidding!? He hasn’t shut up about Airplanes, or ‘Metal flying beasts of legend’ as he calls them! Don’t even get me started on how he *BLEEP*ing talks!” Sledge let out a sigh. “I mean, working with the Princess of the night, you learn to speak royal we. But this mook? No *BLEEP*in’ way! You say something nice, he gets pissed! Say something mean, he loves you!”

“Can you give us an example?”

“I told him he looked nice, I liked his armor, very nice patina.” Sledge states. “He looked at me like I kicked his dog into a woodchipper… Not that I’ve done that before…” Sledge looks around for a moment. “Moving on, he shouts *BLEEP* even Luna doesn’t get…”

~!~

On Set: Crew and Cast interview.
Two Weeks after Artemis’ integration.

Director’s POV:

“Have you worked with anyone so... Unique before?”

“No... .” The director muttered, nursing his leg. The appendage was wrapped in a large cast and there was a crutch leaning against his chair. “Never with one who would so willingly throw me through a window..”

“He... Threw you through a window?”

“Yeah. Said I ‘disgraced’ him by telling him to take off his armor before he steps into the showers.” The Director sighed and gingerly rubbed the part of his leg that wasn’t casted. “He apologized afterwards which I accepted because I didn’t want him to throw me out another window.” There was a long silence before the Director sighed and stood up. “Get someone else, I am not in the mood for this *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP*.”

~!~

Chapter 1: For fuck’s sake...

“Uhm, Sir Director?” Artemis asked as he walked off the set. “I have a problem.”

“What is i- what the fuck!?” The Director shouted, back pedaling into a technician. Artemis had his sword sticking from his stomach, the large blade sitting comfortably between his armor and flesh. “How are you still moving around!?”

“Oh this? Ah, just a small spat between friends. But anyway, my problem is I require a shower and that strange blue drake is stalking me.”

“Forget the dragon! There’s a sword sticking out of you!” Shouted the director, drawing the eyes of the other crew members.

“But it’s only a small injury! I’ve had worse!” Artemis stated, throwing his hands into the air.

“Son of a bitch, why do they keep sending me crazies…” The Man muttered.

“So.... Can someone help me with the dragon? They took away my sword.” Artemis asked, crossing his arms.

“For fuck’s sake.”

~!~
Off set: During break

Artemis wandered into the break room, sighing loudly as he walked inside. He flopped onto the couch, relishing with the soft fabric. As his eyes wandered around the room, they landed upon a thin black rectangle. Sitting up properly, he looked to the doorway, curiously watching to see if anyone was passing by.

Using a single hand, he poked the device, watching as it did nothing. Casting another glance at the door, he picked up the device and looked it over. Finding a small latch, he opened it up. Not a second later did he drop it onto the table as noises poured from the device. After only a minute of seeing what was on the screen, he lifted his fists and began to mercilessly pound the device, plastic and glass going everywhere.

“BANANAS!! ARE NOT!! TO BE USED!! THAT!! WAY!!!” He roared, smashing his fists into the device until it sputtered and limply laid on the table. Artemis panted heavily as he stared at the once pristine pile of plastic and glass. When it gave a final sputter he picked it up and chucked it as hard as he could into the wall, watching as the device exploded into pieces and debris.

In the doorway, a few crewmen and cast members were watching with curiosity. Chief among them was a very depressed looking earth pony, the fiance of the Lunar princess, and an all around depressing to look at mother fucker.

“Why…?” Sledge asked in a quiet voice. “Why must you destroy the things I love…?”

~!~
Chapter 3:

“Oh great, what is it now? A gelatinous blob wants to eat all of Equestria? A land squid wants to enslave the land walking race?” The last one made Twilight quirk an eyebrow at Spike, even though he ignored it as he continued on his tirade. Spike turned around in place, walking out of the room, still ranting about weird and odd monsters that may want to destroy Equestria. She gathered up quills, a few journals to take notes, and a variety of books describing old legends, structures, and other related topics. A loud belch drew Twilight from her packing as Spike once more strode into her room with scroll in claw, still speaking of the monsters that could possibly attack.

“-Giant furry Hydra wearing a pink spandex suit-” He was cut off by a loud rumbling, the walls shaking the set trembling. The ground pulsed with sound, each quake sending the cast and crew off kilter.

Before they knew it, the doors to the set were torn open and in popped not one, not two, but three massive and furry heads. Each gave a ear piercing hiss as the beast slithered inside, standing tall! The immense creature was a Hydra! Covered in thick fluffy, amber fur with ruby red eyes.

Oddly enough, wearing a pink Spandex suit that left barely anything to the imagination. The creature snarled and reared its heads down as everyone on and off the set backed away. It opened its mighty maw and....!!

“Uhm, is this Studio Nine-Forty-Four? I’m looking for the set to the ‘It’s a small world’ musical.” One of the heads asked in a feminine tone, using one of its claws to pull out a slip of paper. A loud sigh was heard as a tech walked towards, tapping the massive lizard on the knee. Leaning one of its heads down, he whispered into its ear and pointed to the paper. When he looked it over he turned to the Hydra and shook his head, pointing to the right. The creature gained a heavy blush through its fur as it reared up, beginning to wring its claws together. “O-Oh! Uhm, I am so sorry! I’ll... I’ll just be going now...”

The each head of the hydra gave a sheepish grin as she left, being sure to somewhat replace the broken doors. Each of the crew and cast looked at each other before Artemis walked up behind the group, holding a cup of coffee and donut. He stopped as he saw the shocked and slightly terrified faces of the cast. He looked around a moment before clearing his throat.

“Did I miss something...?”

~!~
Chapter 6:

Nary a second before soul crushing pain flushed through her, her muscles tensing and numbing as she felt her behind get dragged towards the dark. A scream escaped her, tears falling down her cheeks as the darkness was nearly engulfing her. She shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the maddening sight before her any longer.

Then it stopped. She no longer was getting pulled across the ethereal surface of the soul she resided in. Eyes opening she found a creature, figure much like Artemis but wearing a strange turtle shell like armor, grabbing her hooves and pulling her from the dark. She felt herself escape the darkness’ embrace before she was thrown over head and landing roughly behind the creature.

Then there was a loud thump. “Help! I can’t get up!” A voice echoed from the metal covered man.

“Ironclad is stuck on his back again!”

“Someone help him, ve need him for zhe big fight scene!” Shouted the Pyrotechnician.

“Can’t he get up? I’ve seen him do it a thousand times!”

“Each of those times he was slightly on his side.” The director stated, putting one of his hands at an angle as an example. A groan was heard as a few people walked out into the dark set and began to help up the large armored man.

~!~
During downtime: Before Chapter 8 Fight scene.

“Hey, boss?” Asked a technician, leaning against the door to the director’s office.

“What now?” The director muttered, putting his head into his hand while the other massaged his temple.

“You’ll never guess.”

“He’s stuck on his back again, isn’t he?” The technician shook his head.

“Nope, he’s stuck on the dungeon set with that horny female dragon from the studio next door. You know, the blue one?”

“........”

“So… Should I try and get him out?” Asked the technician.

“Depends...” The Director asked as he snapped his fingers towards an intern, who brought an advil and a small glass of water. The Technician blinked as the director took the medicine and watched the very pretty female intern leave. “Do you like your groin?”

“... I’ll just leave him then.” The tech said, turning to follow the intern. “Hey, Franz! You like fire, right?” He shouted, causing the director to scowl and put his head in his hands.

“JA!”

“Get in the bossman’s office.”

~!~
Right before shooting: Chapter 8 fight scene

“So, I just act like old cheesy german villain?” Asked Franz, the pyrotechnician, as the makeup artist finished putting on his scars, when she’d finished he slipped the heavy helmet onto his head. The crew had set up in the throne room of Canterlot Castle, and unbeknownst to the princesses of the land, they were rigging it with explosives.

“Yup.” The director stated, taking another advil. “Just think James Bond, and you’ll be fine.” A two foot tall minotaur handed the pyro a glowing molten sword, then went off to do other things. Meanwhile, Princess Celestia was nervously looking around the room.

“Why are we doing this in the actual Throne Room again?” Celestia asked the director as he walked out with a cane, Franz in tow.

“Authenticity and realism.” The Director bluntly droned as he walked next to the Camera crew and plotted himself into his chair. “Alright, places everyone.”

“They’re going to pretend to destroy the throne room, right? You’re just CGI the destruction, right?” Asked Twilight Sparkle.

“..... Yeah sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” The Director muttered

“WAIT! Why aren’t we helping Artemis in this scene?” Inquired Celestia.

“Well, there are a number of reasons...” he began, straightening in his seat. “The biggest one being... You’re a total bitch.”

“Wha-?”

“ACTION!”

Moments later the doors exploded off their hinges and a burning stunt pony was thrown out through a window.

“Was that Smexy?” Idly asked the earth pony who had given the fire extinguisher to the technician early. Celestia, Luna, and Twilight all stood with gaping mouths as the destruction unfolded before them. The earth pony casually trotted up behind the Lunar princess and began patting her back. “Just relax… It’ll be over soon.”

“That’s what she saaaaaiiiii-!” Shouted the stunt pony before he hit the ground. “....iid!”

~!~
After shooting: Scene end.

“Hey, you did great out there!” Artemis spoke as several of the crew took their weapons and began to pack up their supplies.

“You don’t zhink it vas too cheesy?”

“That was the entire point.” Said a technician, who was sweeping some rubble out the gaping hole in the throne room wall. The Princesses hadn’t moved from their spot, still staring at the destruction of their throne room. “Don’t we need them for the next scene?”

“Just use CGI, it’ll take less time.” The Director muttered as he walked away, limping away with his cane. The earth pony from before was still massaging the Lunar Princess’ back, looking slightly concerned.

“Luna? Y’alright?”

~!~
Two days later: Aftermath

The Director was pacing in front of the cast and crew, grunting as the pain in his leg began to act up. He turned and gave the group a sardonic glare. “So.... Apparently, you can cause a panic in local towns, burn down a forest, and blow up underground caves... But when you trash the throne room, you're banned from Canterlot.” A collective groan filled the air. “So everyone get your last kicks of Equestria, we’re going back home.”

~!~

I just want to say Thank you to all the people who have supported this story since it began, and assure them I will continue to put out chapters as quick as I can! Thanks for ready and I'll see you all later!

Also, a big Thanks to my Editor, Pre-reader, and friend THE Boss for helping me out!