David, after several minutes of alternating between running and walking, was finally at the border between life and death.

I.E., he reached the face of the barrier.

Setting his AN-94 to full-auto, he began firing randomly into the unmissable expanse of black smoke, but then realized...

“Alright... it’s cold, and I forgot a jacket. I’ll stay here for a few minutes, get back in, then go out. Rinse, repeat, and... What the...” David squinted into the snowy distance.

A tall, thin, masculine figure approached, seemingly unfazed by the raging winds and violently fast snow.

‘Either a windigo, or a demon. Please be a demon.’

The figure got closer, but as it exited the veil of Sombra’s dark cloud, it was revealed to actually be a raven, fluttering towards him slowly and shakily.

“Oh, a bird... Wait what?” David just watched a freaking Slenderman copycat turn into a raven.

It perched itself on his shoulder like a pirate’s parrot.

“Oh... okay... I’ll... take you to... Fluttershy? I think that was her name.” David said, rubbing the underside of the raven’s head with his index finger, going back inside the barrier.

The raven tried to chirp, but it sounded more like a *caw* than a *chirp*, and a small puff of smoke left its beak.

“Smoke? I don’t know where you were little one, but I’m sure that this cold place isn’t good for you.” David said.

It cawed and nodded its head ‘yes’.

“...Okay... you understood me...”

‘Yes’ it nodded.

David sighed, and shook his head.

‘I officially lost my damn mind.’

A bit of snow smacked into his iPod, causing it to start playing a fitting song.

At least, for a guy like David.

The raven listened for a moment, seemingly enthralled by this new genre of music. When the drop came, however, the bird immediately jumped up and clawed at David’s face. It was obvious that it didn’t like it, and David turned off the song.

“Geez, everyone’s a critic.” David said, mildly annoyed.

Walking back to the nearest part of the festival, only to find Fluttershy conveniently already there, manning a little petting zoo.

“Hm? Oh, uh… mister… David, right?” she greeted unsurely, her voice a bit quieter than normal, even for her.

“Yeah. Got this bird, you should look at it, it’s been in the snowstorm, and it’s not looking too good.” David let the raven hop onto his finger, then lowered it down to Fluttershy, who took it on her foreleg.

“Oh wow, a raven, these are so rare.” Fluttershy got excited and spoke a little louder

“Yeah... take care of it.” David said, walking back to the border.

“Oh, you poor little birdie, are you hungry?”

It cawed and nodded ‘yes’.

Fluttershy took some birdseed she had, and gave it to the bird “What is your name, little one?”

*caw caw caw*

“Maxwell? Well that’s a lovely little name for a lovely little guy like you.” Fluttershy giggled and nuzzled the bird.

It gently batted at her hoof with a wing, pointing to the barrier, then to the castle, making a gesture like a warrior.

“Um, you want me to take you to see Shining Armor?” Fluttershy was good at charades, so much so that she could understand poorly-made charades

*caw caw caw caw, caw caw, caw, caw caw caw*

“Oh, you want me to give you a nice little scarf, so you can go get a book you left out in the snow, and then take you to see Shining Armor at the castle.”

‘Yes’ it nodded.

Fluttershy nodded ‘yes’ back, and steeled herself to go towards the barrier.

Maxwell smiled as best he could with a beak, things were going according to plan.

“So how long have you been travelling?”

*caw caw caw*

“Oh goodness, a thousand years? You must be one of those immortal coal phoenixes then.”

*caw ca-...cough cough, caw caw caw*

“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I’m one of the only ten ponies to ever see a coal phoenix, this is so, exciting! And I must say, your feathers, they look… oh what’s the word?”

*caw caw*

“I’m going to trust you on that one Maxwell, your feathers are, uh, dapper, as you put it, *teehee*.” Fluttershy giggled in delight.

Nikolai nearly ran straight into Trevor, who was playing the knock-over-the-bottles game with a shotgun while he waited for his plane to arrive.

“Trevor comrade, is very important, NOW!” Nikolai practically dragged the druggie away, leading him to the sight he’d found.

Several minutes later, on the outskirts of the town, Nikolai led the balding man down through the cave he’d been in.

Trevor was about to push Nikolai off of him, when he saw a strange blue glow.

Nikolai recognized the writing on the side of the wall, it was Russian for ‘Red Power, Base 99.’

He knew immediately from the Russian words and the phrase ‘Red Power’ meant that whoever was in here, they were Russian, and therefore they were friends.

The blue glow came from a white lamp that aquamarine crystals had grown over.

Insert passcode to enter the screen read, and Nikolai looked at the inside of his jacket, where there was a small piece of paper with words written on it.

“Assassin man not good hider, or smart, left information paper for Nikolai to find.”

Strike the hammer to the anvil, strike the sickle to the celery. Forever stars, anything and everything is ours.

…… Processing...……….

Passcode accepted.

The door slid open on its own, and they walked through

However, as soon as both men had entered, the door closed behind them.

“Sheeit son, we’re probably fucked.” Trevor pulled out a rifle and looked around.

“Lights no work, this place is abandoned, maybe for long time.” Nikolai noted how dark it was.

“Or we can just hit the switch.” Trevor reached over to the sterile-white lightswitch and flicked it on.

*CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICk, CLIck, CLick, Click, click, click, click* all of the lights progressively switched on, illuminating the large facility.

"Nikolai is drunk, did not notice that, shut up." Nikolai said indignantly.

"I didn't say anything." Trevor replied with a shit-eating grin.

Nikolai went one way and gestured for Trevor to go the other way.

The two men split up and searched for clues as to what this place actually was supposed to be.

Walking to one end led Nikolai to an administrative office that was burnt about as black as Sombra’s cloud, an infirmary that luckily had a few bottles of whiskey in one of the supply crates, and a cafeteria with a blown-up kitchen and hacked-apart tables.

The other end led Trevor to a large, multi-level staff’s quarters, each floor was stripped bare except for some broken frames of bunk-beds, and a few leftover duffel bags, one of which had a SW29 .44 magnum revolver, one of the most powerful handguns Trevor had ever seen, as well as hundreds of bullets for it.

Of course, he saw the gun as ‘Heavy Revolver’.

Finding nothing else, the two met in the middle, and saw another door on the back wall.

The door looked very damaged, and in a bad way, as it was stuck shut.

A screen on the side read Puzzle, puzzle, please insert...

10 parts carbon
15 parts hydrogen
1 part nitrogen

...to complete the door opening process… HINT: the best way is the manly way.

Trevor smirked, “Now I’d say that I probly know this, but let’s get Stryker in on this.”

“Alright comrade, Nikolai will wait here.” The black-clad man cleaned off a nearby chair and sat down, taking a drink of his vodka.

Trevor ran out of the strange, heavily trashed facility, and towards the nearest of his posse.

Fluttershy landed on the balcony of the throne room, the coal phoenix nestled into her mane, the Umbra Codex (she couldn’t read the title, but Maxwell assured her the book was fine) tucked into her tail.

Shining Armor was standing near another balcony, so all she had to do was walk over to him.

“Um, Shining Armor?” she greeted hesitantly.

From Twilight’s stories, she knew that the white stallion wouldn’t do wrong to her, but she was just so shy and quiet!

“Hm? Oh... uh... Fluttershy, right? Do you need something.” Shining was just boredly looking at the city, so he was thankful to have something better to do.

“Well, I uh, I found this bird, well really David found him and I identified him, he’s a coal phoenix, and he said that some of his magical power got stuck in a spear you have when he was travelling here, it was a big mishap.”

“Oh, well I know how crazy some situations can be, and I’d love to help, but my spear is missing, and in it’s place, I got this.” Shining pulled out a note.

“It… I mean no offense, but it looks like it’s been written by a foal, and that name… that’s the name of the legendary mortal who was born with a dragon’s soul.”

“That’s… well, I feel half-insulted by this new development, my spear was taken by a child with the power of a dragon, despite my guards having not seen anything.”

One of the guards, Ruby Smash, was walking down the hall with his partner, Topaz Crush.

“So, whaddya think 'bout all this Sombra bidness?” Ruby asked.

“I think it’s terrible, and don’t say his name, or he’ll know where you are.” Topaz warned.

“That’s just myth, and plus, he already knows that we’re in the Crystal Kingdom, and that’s all he really ne-” *POSH*

“Wha- Ruby? Ruby are you alri-” *POSH*

Dovahkiin ran past the guards, surprised at how many things he could stun with only a few snowballs, but he made sure to hit them some more to keep them stunned.

Shining sighed, “So yeah, sorry, but I can’t help you.”

“Oh, well... that’s okay, come on Maxwell, maybe we can find the meanie who took it.”

*caw*

Maxwell flew off from the motherly yellow pegasus, wishing to find his own way to restore his Umbra power.

Stryker was running towards the airport, barely breaking a sweat at the moment.

This his was his mission: he needed to get the Crystal Heart

The plan was laid out as such:

He would be parachuting out of the plane, with Trevor flying and Michael navigating (since he was the best at trajectory tracking.)

He had to be quick, and grab the Crystal Heart as he passed by, then glide back down to the ground.

Michael slowly passed by him, his running pace kicking up little white clouds of dust, “Officer Stryker, I have constructed the Hermes Boots from some slightly charred pieces of green cloth and golden rope that was literally laying on the ground, these are excellent for travelling, and I hope to make even more.”

“Nice work man, now c’mon, we’re almost at the airport.”

“Kurtis, there is someone in the distance, and it is not a pony, it appears to be humanoid in shape and immature in development, information coming in now.”

Stryker looked ahead and found a small child standing in the middle of the street, looking at a crystal spear, then ahead towards Stryker.

Michael practically somersaulted twelve feet into the air, easily going over the child and continuing running.

Stryker stopped in front of this new human.

Dovahkiin held up a piece of paper that he’d written Offiser Striker on the back of, and handed it to the grown man.

Stryker looked at the paper, it was an assignment report.

"From the desk of the Head of SWAT HQ of Chicago,

Provide backup for Officer Kurtis Stryker, proceed with caution.

Signed,

Commissioner Gordon Manfree.”

That was literally all it said, it wasn’t even formatted into an official letter framing or whatever.

He looked down at the small child.

“Well I’m Officer Stryker, say…” he had a strange urge to do something.

Dovahkiin knew what this was, and handed him a phone he’d taken from one of the few officers at the station, then showed Kurtis his Facebook page on his own phone.

Kurtis, without even questioning it, logged into Facebook and added the kid as a friend, seeing that he had over a hundred friends after only seven days of even having a Facebook page, including a few strange names like Mongolian Warriors, Alien Commander, John-117, and Deadpool.

The blonde 10-year-old put his phone back in his pocket and pulled out the Crystal Spear again.

Crystal Spear
0301-0302 damage (x2)

(Crystal Shard Structure) induces Bleeding x5 on a perfect attack
(Sweeping Strikes) hits a whole row of enemies on a perfect attack.
(Direct Hit!) attacks ignore enemy armor.
(Dark Magic) the power of burps, or was it diarrhea? Perfect attacks deal x5 max damage and induce fire, slow, and gross-out.

Mods (3/3): Mafia ‘Coffin Nail’ (add five times your money to attack damage)
Piece of a Hell’s Angels jacket (attack and defense up with melee attacks)
King’s Crown (multiply damage by your social rank)

“This… what?” Stryker didn’t understand most of what he’d just seen from this weapon.

Dovahkiin nodded, put away the spear in his Bag of Holding, and pulled out a ranged weapon.

Blacker Glacker 1143
1143 damage (x1)

(Deathguard on Duty) when near water, x2 damage, when specifically near pools, x5 damage.
(Armor Piercing Rounds) attacks hit enemies and all enemies behind those enemies, and ignore up to 300 armor
(Custom Job) overall better than the production model, add (caliber number times 10) damage for every shot
(Stupid Thanos) 1 rebirth when entering a fight, heal 500 HP for every Perfect Attack
(Crazy Damages) add 500 - (your sanity level) to every attack

Mods (1/1): Absolutely Regenerative Action Hero License (attack again if you kill an enemy)

“How did a child get ahold of this sort of weaponry?” Stryker asked, handing back the modified pistol, feeling a tad bit jealous.

Was he really jealous that he, an elite soldier, only had a little standard issue M9, while this kid, no-doubt an innocent bystander mistaken for a competent kombatant, had a much manlier and more powerful M1911?

A little bit, it just didn’t seem all that fair.

‘Still, help’s help.’ he thought.

“Alright kid, guess you’ve got a job to do. Follow me!” Stryker ordered the kid.

Dovahkiin nodded, and ran alongside the more experienced officer.

Once the two of them reached the small airport, then reached the hangar, they saw the small airliner, but no Trevor.

“Where is Trevor? Time is of the utmost essence!” Michael insisted, looking .

“I don’t know, maybe he got bored?” Stryker offered.

Dovahkiin then saw something in the distance, and nudged Stryker to get him to notice it.

It was a vehicle.

“Must be Trevor.” The officer guessed.

“No, it’s not. The shape’s all wrong, and the trailer wasn’t there before.” Michael corrected.

The vehicle then revealed itself to be a white Volkwagon Golf MK2, hauling a falling-apart trailer. It slowly stopped in front of the three, and then a man stepped out.

He was a red-headed man with a goatee, wearing black boots, jeans, a dark-blue colored alien shirt, a black, ankle-length trench coat, and sunglasses. He had bandages around his head too, which denoted that he probably had a fresh head injury. He looked at the three, and pulled out a map.

“Where’s the way to Las Fucking Vegas? I don’t remember snow happening in hot-as-balls Arizona.” The man spoke in creepily toned voice.

“Err... I don’t know... we’re not exactly in America anymore.” Stryker said, shrugging.

“What, are we in fucking Canada now?”

“Mr... The Dude, please calm down.” Michael told The Postal Dude as he auto-learned his name.

“Who are you? How do you know my name? Are...”

“I am Michael the Guide, I know everything about the universes of people who I see or am simply near to, as is my job as dictated by the Elder Gods. Also, no, we are in no way, shape, or form, affiliated with Al Qaeda.” Michael assured The Dude.

“Hmm... seems legit. All I remember was some smoky clouds taking me and my stuff here... I guess I’m just that amazing.”

“So wait... you’re here because... of Sombra?” Stryker asked cautiously, ready to enter kombat.

Dovahkiin readied his spear, just in case The Dude did anything violent.

Adults usually did.

“I guess. If that’s the case, I have a new chore.”

The Postal Dude took out and read his chore list.

“There we go. I better get to it, Vegas waits for no man... Or... I guess it does. Whatever, it's better than Paradise. At least no one’s after my ass anymore.” The Dude said as he finished his list.

“Paradise?” Stryker was confused, how was Vegas better than paradise?

“Shitty city place I used to live in.” The Dude answered with a deadpan tone.

“Now nuked to oblivion. The government officially blamed the explosion on Al Qaeda, which to be honest, wasn’t that far of a stretch at the time.” Michael shrugged.

“Wait, Al Qaeda was in this place called Paradise, and no one noticed?” Stryker just looked at The Dude.

“The police there was corrupt as hell, of course no one noticed.” The Dude explained, leaning on his car.

Dovahkiin pinched the bridge of his nose, realizing that the adults, once again, had done something mind-numbingly stupid

And yet again, it was so mind-numbingly stupid that it had killed thousands.

The Dude then added the kid on Facebook, as did Michael, who had somehow come into possession of a cell phone for some reason.

"Adding this kid on Facebook, never expected that." The Dude mused.

*BRRMMM... BRMMMMM-RMMM* the ridiculously loud sound of Trevor’s truck’s engine came into hearing distance, then stopped close to the hangar.

“Alright, everyone here? Yo ya SWAT fucker, ‘mere.” Trevor gestured for Stryker to follow him.

“WHOA! Duuuuuuuude, you’re that guy, the drugs guy.” The Postal Dude said, amazed and probably out of his mind at the moment.

“Walter White? No, Trevor Phillips.” Trevor corrected.

“Yeah, Trevor Phillips, the guy who flew that plane with the other two guys, and you were all like NYEEAAAAAOOOOOM and they were all like PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW and then you took a toke on your meth machine, it was funny and awesome.” The Dude explained, making wild hand gestures and sound effects.

“Oh man... it was the best St. Patrick’s Day ever.” Trevor smiled at that fond memory.

“I don’t want to know.” Stryker said.

*PRBBBBBT* Dovahkiin grabbed everyone’s attention with a Dragonshout fart.

He pointed at Stryker, then the truck, then Michael, then to the plane, then to himself, then pointed his pistol at his own head, then aimed it at The Dude.

“We are driving you crazy, and Stryker, Trevor, and I should get to the part where we’re flying to the Crystal Heart, and the Dude can stay here with you?” Michael interpreted.

Dovahkiin nodded ‘yes’, but then realized his mistake and flailed his arms back in forth in a 'wait, scratch that please!' gesture, then pointed at The Dude, then at them.

“Sounds like a plan. Come on Champ, get out.” The Dude ignored Dovahkiin’s desperate attempt to fix his mistake.

A pitbull Terrier hopped out of the car and barked.

Dovahkiin looked at the dog, the dog looked at him.

“Alright, you two play nice, or whatever.” Trevor said as he got into the plane via the pilot’s access door, with Stryker and Michael walking down to the passengers’ access door.

“Typical ‘play nice’ warning, fucking casuals.” the Dude said under his breath.

The little SWAT officer looked at the psychopath, readying his spear in case of danger, and looking out at the barrier.

“Alright, let’s go... the sooner we finish this, the better.” Michael said as he opened the door into the plane.

The plane began to make some noise, a sign that it was ready to take off, and Dovahkiin and The Dude decided to simply clear the runway.

Two crystal ponies were too far from the festival to get cheered up, and thus were still locked in the same zombie-like state as the rest of the crystal ponies had been.

They simply looked at the two, almost lifeless with their lazy, glassy-eyed, unblinking stares.

Dovahkiin motioned for the Dude to help them.

“Listen, I don’t know who let stupid horses in the way of planes, and I’ve got no reason to help.” The Dude didn't sometimes speak really right.

The blond kid pinched the bridge of his nose, then prepared a Cup-a-Spell, sending it between the two ponies.

The two crystal ponies suddenly smelled a foul odor and ran away from it, clearing the runway.

“Dude, that’s kinda gross... but then again, I’ve done grosser... like pissed on my dad’s grave.”

Dovahkiin charaded ‘That’s not gross, that’s just wrong.’

“I don’t give a shit.” The Dude replied, knowing charades.

The kid moved off of the runway, and The Dude, who had a great liking for not getting run-over by planes, followed him.

“Hmm... I wonder if there’s a place to get some chow? I have a hankering for some really crappy sushi right now.” The Dude said as he walked towards the city over the horizon.

Dovahkiin watched as the man left, deciding that there wasn’t much to do right here anymore.

He got bored, and walked over to a nearby flagpole, this one was made of a white crystal and waving a dark magenta flag with a snowflake surrounding a gemstone heart.

*honka-honk* went the little horn attached to it.

Out of nowhere, Timmy appeared with his railway get-up on.

“TIMMEH!!!” Timmy yelled.

Dovahkiin gave him a dollar as the travel fee and pointed towards the city.

“Oh Timmeh.” Timmy said as he took the dollar and waited for Dovahkiin to get into the wagon, then snapped the whips and rode off.

“TIMMEH!!!” the Fast-Travel service was nothing if not fast

Lee felt hungry, a bad sign in his case.

“Oh god… dammit, what am I supposed to eat now? Do I just… do I have to change my diet now that I’m kinda a walker?“

“Dud’n make no sense to me.” Applejack said, catching his attention.

“Oh, right, um… Applejack was it?”

“Eeyup.”

“Alright... what do you have for me to eat? I’m hungry.”

“Well I heard that part about ya bein’ hungry already, y’all was juss standin’ next to mah stand all talkin’ real low and thinkin’ real hard, t’ain’t good fer ya ta think on a empty stomach, here.” the orange mare hoofed him a Crystal Berry fritter.

Lee decided to take the fritter and taste it.

It was sweet, and had a bit of a crispness to the berry skins, the crust was baked to perfection, he liked it.

“It’s good.” Lee nodded in approval.

“Glad ya like it. Ya know, Ah’ve heard that some feller’s at some pie-eatin’ contest an’ winnin’.”

“Okay, why would you tell me that? Do you want me to compete?”

“Nah, I was gunna say, from what Ah heard, it’s a whole ‘nother human.”

“Another human!”

“Yep, and he… uh… he kinda looked like you, what with y'all's skin an' muzzle hair, but he had a bit more meat on his bones.”

“Wait, especially around his waist?” To Lee, this new human sounded a bit familiar.

“Eeyup.”

“Was he wearing a purple and yellow shirt?” It couldn’t be him, could it?

“Eeyup.”

“OH SHIT! MAH MAN!” Lee couldn’t believe that he was here.

Lee began to run off

“Huh, never figgered his barn doors opened that way.” Applejack said as she watched him leave.

As Lee ran, he bumped into someone.

“Watch it, jerk!”

“Sorry, but mah man’s here!” Lee stopped for only a second.

“Whatever, go screw yourself.” The Dude did not find anything distinctly Asian about this place.

‘Oh well... maybe there’s donuts.’ He thought as he watched the weird gray-brown guy run away from him.

Lee saw the pie-eating-contest stand, and saw his favorite person from back in high school.

Coach.

“COACH!” He called out, watching the larger man look up from the table.

“Wait, hold on a sec, Lee? LEE!” Coach stood up and stepped out of the booth.

“COACH!!!” Lee stopped for a second to Hunter Leap towards Coach, hitting him with a tackle hug.

“WHOA-AAAHHHH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Coach screamed, thinking he had just been pinned by a hunter.

What really happened was that Lee was hugging him... very hard, almost bone-crushingly so.

“Lee? You’re kinda freakin’ me out.”

“Coach, man, I thought I’d never see you again!”

“Yeah, but you’re kinda... crushing my lungs...” Coach choked out, feeling relief when Lee let go and got off of him. “I found some friends to help me out, y’know? I’m fine.”

“I kept getting stabbed in the back, and then I got… well.” Lee gestured to his claws.

“Wait, you’re… AW HELL NAW! How did… what the… I… I’ve never seen a male witch.”

“Uh, yeah, I got bit, but I got saved halfway through, and now I’m a half-zombie, I can do these Hunter Leap things and I have these Witch’s Claws.”

“Those leaps... damn man, if you had those back in the game, yer football career woulda shot off like a rocket.”

“And the claws?”

“Like some sorta Freddy Krueger shit, but on both hands.”

“Yeah, so what’s been up with the zombies?”

“The infected? Oh damn man, you shoulda seen some’a that shit, we had the normals, which ran places, we had Smokers with these crazy Gene Simmons tongues, Hunters that’ll pin you and rip ya ta shreds, Witches sat around and cried all the time, but if ya startle’em, then they’d sprint after ya and gut ya with their claws, Boomers are some sick fatasses that’d throw up on ya and bring on more commons, Spitters got some acid-spit shit, Jockeys go an’ jump on ya shoulders and try ta throw ya off balance, Chargers tackle the shit outta ya and try to crush ya into the ground, and don’t even get me started on Tanks…”

“Wow, that’s just… damn.” for Lee, that was a lot to take in, when he compared surviving in Coach’s apocalypse to surviving in his own, his own seemed like child’s play.

“So where were you? I was hoping I’d see you.” Coach stood up, helped Lee up, and gave him a pat on the back.

“What time were you fighting around?” The thinner man asked, this question was important.

“About 2009, why?”

“The walkers kept on for five years?” Lee was amazed and horrified at this revelation.

“Whatchu talkin’ bout mah nigga? The infected got up around 2008.”

“Michael would probably say that this is a case of diverging timelines, or something, because I was fighting for my life in 2004.”

“Michael? Ya got others? With ya?”

“By the way, why aren’t you freaked out about these… crystal ponies.”

“Ellis.” Coach explained simply.

“Oh, right.” Lee knew Ellis, he’d seen him when he’d visited his old high-school a few years back, and two conversations with the guy told you two things about him.

1) He’s crazy as a mofo.
2) He has a lifelong friend named Keith.

“So, ya got yerself some Hunter legs and some Witch claws, I guess it’s better than the zombies havin’ it, mi’rite?”

“You’re right, that’s for sure.”

Coach laughed, it was a jolly laugh that gave Lee comfort, comfort that he’d found some humanity in all of this.

Not to say that the other’s weren’t humane, but Michael was weird, Trevor was a clusterfuck, Nikolai was a sob story, Stryker was like a video-game hero, and David was just kinda disturbed to be here.

So to Lee, Coach was a source of... the good side… of humanity.

The two decided to catch up on each other's lives as they walked towards the castle.

Nikolai sipped some more vodka from his bottle, bored to be here.

“Where is Trevor? It has been long time.” Nikolai said to himself.

*BANG*

“WOAH! That was not good.” Nikolai looked around.

*BANG*

“Is someone here? Nikolai has whiskey!” The black-clad Russian took out his Ray Gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

*BANG*

Nikolai looked towards the banging noise, and haphazardly walked towards it.

*BANG*

*BANG*

*BANG*

It stopped as Nikolai reached the door it seemed to be coming from. He opened the door and found himself in the boiler room.

“What the fuck was that noise?”

The boiler itself sudden opened and ignited. Nikolai gave out a girly scream, and a voice came from the boiler.

“NUMBER 872B, YOUR SENTENCE IS OVER!!!”

A man was thrown out of the embers, virtually unscathed, and the boiler door closed. Nikolai looked at the man, the boiler, and his bottle, and promptly chugged the whole bottle clean.

“ARG... dammit...” The man moaned.

“*BRUP* Comrade, are you alright? You were launched out boiler.”

“Gah...” A man in khaki pants, a blue button-up shirt, a wool jacket and a beret stood up. In his fingerless-gloved hands was one of the most elaborate break-action shotguns Nikolai has ever seen.

“Comrade, are you okay? Here, have some whiskey. Nikolai prefers vodka anyway, whiskey taste too much like capitalism.” Nikolai said as he held out a bottle of jack to the recently appeared man.

The man took the bottle, looked at it with a raised eyebrow, took off the cap, and took a drink. He finished after about a couple gulps

“Ah... Jesus... been a while since I had a good whiskey. Who’re you?” The man asked.

“I am Nikolai Belinski, armed and drunk Russian.”

“Albert, Albert Arlington, armed... ex-con.” Albert said, not wanting to reveal anything about his past.

“If you say so Albert. How did you get out of boiler?”

“I barely know how I even got here.” Albert said, and then he noticed the Ray Gun. “Hey, can I have that... I don’t have much to defend myself with.”

Many people would’ve be suspicious and not willing to do anything for a guy who appeared out of nowhere.

But Nikolai was drunk, so he decided to oblige.

“Thanks.” Albert handled the weapon a lot like a person who'd held this kind of weapon many times.

“Comrade, you seem to know how to use that. Have you fought the hoards of the undead like me?”

“You too? Huh... we’ve got more in common than we thought.”

“I beg to differ.” Nikolai took a drink of his vodka.

“Well... are we near civilization?”

“Da, but we wait for Trevor now.”

“Trevor?”

“Is comrade of mine, crazy, but is good friend.” Nikolai said as he walked out of the boiler room.

Albert sighed.

‘I sure as hell hope that this Trevor isn’t like Billy.’ He thought to himself, finally noticing the note in his pocket.

The note that wasn’t there before.

‘The hell?’ Albert then read the note, which seemed to be written in blood.

Dear Albert “The Weasel” Arlington,

I have chosen you to counter the plans the humans who have betrayed me

You must go to the surface, and attack anyone holding a Crystal Heart on sight.

If you do not oblige, I shall oblige the ones you’ve killed to escape the purgatory you called Alcatraz.

I’m fairly sure Finn, Billy, and Sal would like to have some words for you.

~Sombra

Albert found fear in the note. Those three were dead, all because of... all because of...

‘Oh God... I’m so fucking screwed.’

David stood at the edge of the pulsating barrier.

“Alright, let’s do this.” He had retrieved a thick, puffy jacket from Rarity, who had only taken a few minutes to ‘find it’, which was convenient.

It was nice to be able to talk to her at a better time than, oh, say... right after killing a man.

“What is up with this jacket anyway? It’s… ugh it smells like blood…” He felt a bit sick from the smell of blood wafting up to his nose for the past ten minutes as he rode a ‘commandeered’ bicycle to the barrier.

He then decided to look inside it, and found a small note taped to the inside.

Property of Trevor Phillips

Reward for returning jacket: hand shake.
Reward for stealing jacket: hand break.
Reward for surviving hand break: skull fucking.

“Oh Jesus.” David decided to return the jacket as soon as possible.

At least it was warm.

The rifle-wielding man stepped out into the snowy landscape again, and started firing wildly.

He heard heavy, fleshy slaps, and stopped firing for a few seconds.

Lights suddenly lit up in the black fog, and a tall, thick figure was visible through the translucent cloud.

“What the hell?” David backed up slowly, his rifle aimed at the approaching figure.

It reached got close to the edge of the fog.

Steve: hello? help plz

“What? Hello? I can help, maybe.” David was just an inch from the barrier, half a second and he could be safe.

The figure got closer, exiting the fog completely.

This person, if its name really was ‘Steve’, looked about 6’6”, with broad, muscular shoulders, thick arms, barreling chest and stomach muscles covered by a cyan shirt, strong legs covered in jeans, and a helmet on his brown-haired, blue-eyed head.

Then he spazzed out for a second, and his real form was restored, a body made of cubes

Steve: a book I found told me to find Michael, do u kno him?

“Uh, yeah, whaddya want?”

Steve: I was told to ‘give him my sword’, so I’m guessing this Sombra guy wants Michael to be equipped

“Uh, yeah, Sombra’s a bad guy, don’t listen to him.”

Steve: well I was giving a diamond sword with some sort of weird rusted iron handle, it’s warm, oh, here, I have some spare armor.

Steve suddenly phased a pair of leather boots into his hand, and tossed them to David, followed by iron leggings, a leather chestpiece, and an iron helmet.

The huge man suddenly phased iron armor into his hand, and flashed it on, boots, leggings, chestplate, and helmet.

He gave a small bow to David, pulled out a glinting cyan crystal-looking sword, and walked through the barrier.

David looked where the large man with the weird voice had been standing, the decided that it might be a good idea to wear something protective out here.

“That was… just weird. I’m fairly sure I’ve lost my goddamn mind.”

What was next, he somehow went on an acid trip and saw flying purple dragons?

Trevor regretted taking that hit of acid, because right now, he was seeing a flying purple dragon.

“Fellas, we have a problem, there is a flying purple dragon in the sky, I repeat, there is a flying purple dragon in the sky!”

“Trevor, I’m sure you’re just on LSdeh-... there IS a dragon in the sky.” Stryker looked out at the flying purple dragon.

“That dragon is called Spyro, and he is here because of Sombra, just as we are.” Michael explained as his eyes followed the motions of the flying dragon.

Spyro was trying to get his bearings, and figure out where he was.

A huge metal machine flew towards him, and he moved out of the way, latching onto it.

*CLUNK* Michael heard Spyro land on the roof of the plane, and moved to where he was, using his pickaxe opening a hole for Spyro to enter through.

*WHOOOOOOOSHSHSSHHHHHHSSSHHHHHHOOOOOM* For a few seconds, long enough for Spyro to claw his way through the hole, the air pressure in the cabin dropped, and nearly sucked Michael out.

“OH FUCK! YOU DUMB BASTARD!!!” Trevor yelled out.

Fortunately, Michael had gotten the ‘Airplane Fuselage’ block back, and replaced it.

*SHOOM* the wind suddenly stopped,

“Uh... Spyro... not to be brash, but you ALMOST LET ME GET SUCKED OUT TO FALL TO MY DEATH!!!” Michael yelled out at the dragon.

“Actually, you’re the one who opened the hole.”

“I’M MAD RIGHT NOW! I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT!” Michael fruitlessly lashed his weak fists at Spyro, watching as they harmlessly bounced off his body.

“Hey, concentrate, are we almost there?” Stryker asked the important question.

“Let’s see, the supply room gave me enough materials to construct a depth measurement device, we are currently 36,000 feet above the ground, so we are close.” Michael was immediately calmed by the inquiry.

“Alright, so... a dragon.” Trevor said, still high on acid.

“Yeah, I was just flying around, bein’ cool, and suddenly this dark cloud comes out of nowhere, tells me to find a human wearing red, and kill him. I told him yeah, but I’m not really inclined towards murder.”

“And it talks. Figures.” Stryker said, facepalming.

“Well, you’ve came to the wrong place, he’s at the border of town. Come to think of it, these new humans...”

“AHEM!!!” Spyro faked a cough.

“...Ah, and dragon, might have something in common with all of us.”

“Well let’s see, I’m assuming that that Dude guy is like Trevor, he certainly seemed like it.” Stryker assumed.

“I have not seen anyone else, but I am getting faint lines of information about a fellow brown-skinned man meeting Lee.” Michael informed, thinking hard on this.

“That kid was in SWAT gear.” Stryker added.

“And I’m assuming Nikolai is just meeting his new partner in crime.” Trevor thought.

“Am I missing something?” Spyro asked.

“Well, I am trying to figure out what correlation you have to David, as you are a purple dragon and he is a relatively normal ‘human in a red shirt’, as you so descriptively put it.”

“Maybe the two are snarky dicks who got sucked into this world.” Trevor thought.

“I was also told that if I have a hard time finding him, look for the white unicorn.” Spyro added.

“Miss Rarity? Yes, I believe he has some correlation with her.” Michael thought about a few things.

“And I correlate to him?” Spyro asked.

“But do you correlate to Rarity?” Stryker added, gesturing with his fingers in an attempt to catch the truth in all this.

“I don’t know? I never met her.” The gold-horned dragon shrugged.

For Michael, Stryker’s question solved the case, “Yes, but she is friends with another, much younger purple dragon named Spike. I suppose that’s a great correlation so far.”

“And I dealt with a fight between two worlds, and the kid correlates to me being part of SWAT?” Stryker wasn't buying the whole 'major factors correlation' thing.

“Well, Stryker, actually, only a few days prior to his arrival, Dovahkiin, which is the kid’s name, was locked in a war between Humans and Drow Elves.”

“Wait, the dragonborn’s here? Like, right here?” Spyro asked, wide-eyed.

“Hold on, since when is there a SWAT in High Fantasy worlds?”

“To be frank, it was all make believe and pretend, until aliens and Nazi Zombies came into the picture.”

Stryker was silent.

“Do not question it.”

“I… just… what kind of world puts a child through that sort of thing.” Stryker couldn’t believe this bastardly defiance of the sanctity of life.

“I heard of this place called ‘South Park’. They do stupid shit like that on a weekly basis.” Trevor said, remembering his stint there back before his buddy faked his death.

“Yes, that place... we’re at the altitude. Officer Stryker, prepare to parachute out.”

“AWESOME, alright Stry, listen, be careful with them chutes, ya go really fast forwards with them.” Trevor warned.

“That might be a problem, but it is too late to back out now.” Stryker put on the parachute.

“You could just step backwards out of this… thingy.” Spyro offered, not really sure what exactly he was standing inside and not really understanding what Stryker meant.

“It is called an airplane, Spyro.” Michael informed, opening the door in the air-locked area.

Stryker and Michael were now alone, all they had was a parachute, and a plan.

“So, what’s the trajectory?”

“Straight on at a negative 35 degree angle, you should go through the gazebo and out of the other side, you will be inside for approximately 1 second, so have your arm out and brace it for impact.”

“Alright, thanks Michael. Here goes nothing.” Stryker took a deep breath.

He found his legs to not be working.

“Uh, I’m a little paralyzed with fear here.” He said.

Michael nodded, “Sorry about this then.” he pulled out his copper shortsword and bashed Stryker out of the plane with the pommel.

“OH AHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Stryker found himself falling out of the plane. Quickly thinking, he pulled the zip-cord, and the chute deployed.

His fall was slowed, but now he was zipping through the air.

He corrected his course and went straight for the gazebo, bringing his legs forward so as to not get them cut off on the banister.

In an almost sitting position, Stryker shot through the gazebo, grabbing the Crystal Heart with an outstretched arm and zooming past.

Behind him, he heard the sounds of crystals *SHING*ing upwards, and turned to look back.

Black crystals shot upwards in a circle, sealing the area the heart had been in.

Stryker figured that, if he’d been on foot, he’d probably have been trapped inside the gazebo, and the Crystal Heart stuck with him.

Luckily, that wasn’t the case.

Securing the Crystal Heart under his shirt, feeling the comfortably warm surface against his chest, he began the long glide down to the ground.

He glided peacefully down until about the 7,000 foot mark, then things got complicated.

*POCK, POCK* went distant gunshots, barely audible over the winds.

About six seconds later, a pair of bullets ripped through his parachute, opening tiny holes in it.

Weasel reloaded his Upgraded Blundergat, which was now a single-shot weapon with two shots from its four barrels.

“I can believe this...” Weasel said, readying his weapon.

Stryker, on the other hand, looked up at the parachute.

The tiny holes ripped open further due to the wind speed causing the edges to tear apart, and he soon found himself falling more quickly.

“Uh... someone... HELP!!!” he shouted over the screaming winds

Weasel tried firing again.

*PAOW, PAOW* it sounded a lot different up close.

Bullets hit the parachute again.

“Oh no...” Stryker knew that he would be going down.

The new holes quickly started tearing open, and soon, he was falling at almost full speed.

Soon, he reached terminal velocity, he wouldn’t go much faster than he was right now.

Steve? looked up, and saw the quickly-falling man.

Acting fast, he used his two buckets of water to make an infinite source, then made a large frame out of cobblestone and poured the water source blocks in, creating a flood in the street, and a several-block-deep pool for Stryker to land in.

Stryker, despite his velocity, did not get hurt by falling into the water. The way the water flowed helped in that regard.

The water was forcefully flowing downwards, but was quite soft and smooth, as though it were oil.

“What the...”

Steve? gathered up the water, putting it back into the infinite pool, then blocked up two spots on the infinite pool, gathered up the buckets, broke the frame, and went over to Stryker.

Steve: are you okay?

“Uh, yeah… yeah, um, your name is Steve?” Stryker looked at the line of words that had appeared at the bottom of his vision.

Steve: yes, I am Steve?

“Your name is Steve??”

Steve: yes, Steve? the question mark is part of my name

“Why?”

Steve: I blame Notch, of Mojang

“One of the Elder Gods? Hmm, come on big guy, we need to regroup with the others.”

Steve: yes, the Elder God who gav me tre punching abilities

“It that like Michael’s weird building powers?”

Steve: his world is knockoff of mine, but we are associates all teh same

“Ah, I see, like the Army and the Marines, or rather, the other way around.” Stryker remember that joke, and chuckled.

Steve: I just build houses 2 protect myself from zombies and creepers

“Zombies? Am I the only one, along with David, who didn’t deal with zombies? Wait, did Trevor do zombie stuff?” Stryker thought hard.

Steve: how should I know? he’s from GTA5

“Well come on, we’ll meet up with the others… and how did you know that?”

Steve: I tabbed out to go to Google.

“Oh, great, another person who can access alternate, metaphysical sources of information, grand.”

Steve: we better go, I bet sum1 wanted u ded 4 sum reson

“Why do you occasionally misspell things?”

Steve: mor convient dat way, savs tym

“Right, okay… fuck me.” Stryker led the way.

Or at least, he would have led the way, but Steve?, even when walking, moved at 4.3 meters per second.

‘Is every person I meet going to leave me behind at some point? Seriously, it’s not a good sign.’ the officer thought, watching Steve’s casually walking form go easily twice as fast as he ran.

Weasel saw Steve? And noticed his rather blocky frame.

“What the fuck?”

Steve? looked at Weasel, then back to Stryker, who was still catching up.

Steve: wat?

“Uh... you look like... you’re made of cubes.” Weasel was very confused at this point.

Steve: Minecraft is made of cubes, I’m typical.

“W-what?” Weasel was basically 404ing at this sudden turn of events.

Steve: you are Albert ‘The Weasel’ Arlington, you have 100 health.

“W-what?” Weasel was still 404ing at this sudden turn of events.

Steve: did you attack Stryker?

“I... wha... you’re not making any damn sense... you know what... S-Screw this!” Weasel simply walked off. There was no way he was working for Sombra under these conditions, mobsters wanting him dead be damned.

Stryker ran up to Steve?, a bit out of breath.

Weasel noticed that Stryker had something big and heart-shaped under his shirt, and decided that this would actually be easy.

‘Get the heart!’

Weasel pulled out the Ray Gun Nikolai gave him, and aimed.

Stryker lashed out his M9, aiming it back.

Steve? pulled out his bow, which was enchanted with Power V and Punch II.

“TIMMEH!!!” Timmy soon came up with Dovahkiin, who jumped off, and looked at the scene.

He then looked at the flagpole he’d been dropped off at.

He was really considering riding to another one.

“Hey, not to be a dick, but where’s the donut shop?” The Postal Dude interrupted.

“Who the hell are you?” Weasel asked.

“I am The Postal Dude. And yes, that’s my shitfuck name.”

“Uh, Lee? You know these people?” Coach asked as he and Lee saw the growing scene.

“I know that cop guy. The others... not so much.”

“You know me.” David said, gun aimed at the others.

“A Lucky Horseshoe is quite common here, and that’s a good thing for me, hello everyone, I hope this doesn’t come to trading blows.” Michael greeted as he fell in from the sky, then he started receiving information as his hands flared up with Golden Flames.

“OH... this is not good.” Albert was slowly backing away.

Trevor came up to the scene, and looked around.

“Oh hey, a party! FUN!” Trevor took out a Carbine Rifle, ready to fight for the hell of it.

Nikolai pulled out his H115 Oscillator with a burp.

“Whoa, dude, gnarly.” Spyro said as he swooped down to the group.

“A dragon... now my life is complete.” Postal Dude said, not changing his expression as he looked at Spyro.

“Oh Jesus... I’m fucked aren’t I?” Albert dropped his weapon.

“Just like your voice.” Trevor said, ready to pull the trigger.

“If you fire at one of us, you will be turned into swiss cheese, basically.” Stryker warned.

Dovahkiin took a step back from the group, then readied his most powerful spell.

The Nagasaki.

Taught by the only monks capable of performing it, from Canada itself, only after learning the Dragon’s Shout, the Cup'a Spell and the Sneaky Squeaker, the Nagasaki is the spell that can shatter rocks, brick and mortar, even wooden barricades.

*VRMM-RMMM-PPPFFF* He controlled his sphincter muscles, changing the frequency of the fart.

*PIPIPROO-BANG* the shockwave hit like the fabled A-bomb, AKA the Anus Bomb.

Trevor, despite trying to keep his rather tough exterior, found himself trying to suppress his laughter.

“AHAHAHA...HAHAHA HA HA!!!” Cartman laughed in the very, VERY far away distance.

“WOW...” Was the reaction of most of the group.

Steve: such power dwarfs the might of TNT. was Steve’s unique response.

“Did, did he just do that with a fart?” was David’s unique reaction, along with trying not to throw up.

“Yes... he did...” Nikolai responded. “I am not impressed, but is loud.”

Dovahkiin pointed towards the tower, then at the barrier, which was falling apart.

“Da, barrier is fi-.... no, no barrier is not fine!” Nikolai took a drink of whiskey and aimed his Oscillator at the barrier.

The barrier shattered, and Sombra was through.

“Barrier is not fine, I am going to die! At least I will die drunk.” Nikolai sighed and sat on the ground.

“I regret nothing.” Was the Dude’s unusually calm response, ready to pull the pin of his grenade.

“Do it Stryker!” Michael yelled out.

Stryker threw the Crystal Heart into the air.

Stryker merely caught and squeezed the heart, removing all of its health.

Stryker threw the heart into the air again, then tazed it, followed by a shot from his M9.

The bullet projected the Heart high into the air, arcing towards the main road.

Sombra was hot on its tail, racing towards it on a growth of black crystals.

“Stryker, you have to put the heart at the podium under the castle!” Michael chastised, facepalming at the stupidity of the officer’s actions

“I’ll get it!” Spyro hopped up and started flying, quickly getting close to and trying to grab the heart.

“Yep, gonna die.” David said with a hint of fear.

Spyro, for the most part, got very close. Unfortunately, a blunt pillar shot horizontally out from the castle tower, and punted him halfway across town.

“What the... AHHHH!!!”

The others were too shocked.

David, however, was tired of this ‘Sombra is going to kill us’ bullshit.

“Okay, fuck this...” David ran towards Sombra, gun ready to fire.

Up on the castle tower, standing on a high-up balcony, Shining Armor saw the heart sailing up through the air, and did the best thing he could think of:

Throw Cadance at it.

Cadance soared through the air, shocked awake by the feeling and shocked into awareness at the sight of the Crystal Heart.

She tried to catch it, but she herself was caught by several long spikes of black crystals, which pinned her in place in the air.

Sombra grabbed the Crystal Heart with his dark red telekinesis, and looked at the hopeless pink princess.

“Thank you so much, Cadance, for making sure I got this.”

“You monster, you may think you’ve won, but the humans will stop you!” Cadance

“Them? What makes you think that they can stop me?”

Sombra caught David on a pillar under his feet, and raised him a hundred feet into the air, moving so fast upwards that he lost his balance and fell onto his stomach.

“Oh... hi.” David tried to suppress his gag reflex and make his head stop spinning.

“Yes, you may kill me, just like you killed my father! But you won’t be able to stop all of them!” Cadance shouted defiantly.

“And quite frankly, you forgot someone important.” David said, looking for his rifle.

“So, I’m guessing ol’ Celestia told you about what happened to your father?”

“Who the fuck’s Celestia?” David asked.

“QUIET YOU!” Sombra magically latched a strip crystal over David’s mouth, and David immediately started trying to get it off.

“MMMPH.” David flipped off Sombra.

“Yes, she did, she told me everything, YOU KILLED MY FATHER!”

“Is that what you think happened?”

“YES!” Cadance was crying at this point.

“Oh hohoho...” King Sombra laughed, every release of air causing dozens more black spires and spikes to rise from the ground.

‘OH GREAT, is it this spoiler?’ David thought, clearly annoyed at this possibility.

“Dear, foolish, Cadance, you don’t even know.”

“Know what?” Cadance was shocked.

“Cadance, I am your father.”

“W-what?” Cadance said in shock.

‘I knew it, fucking fuck! What a bullshit trope!!! What a BULLSHIT TROPE!!!’ David pulled the crystal off his mouth.

“Okay, FUCK THIS CLICHE!” He said, firing his rifle on full-auto at Sombra.

Sombra, being in physical form, was greatly harmed by the many bullets entering and tearing up his body, and fell off his crystal-growth perch.

The Crystal Heart fell with him.

“YOINK!” The Postal Dude said, right before pocketing the heart and taking out a rocket launcher.

*WRRRRRRRRRR BEEP BEEP*

“SEEKING ROCKET ACTIVATED”

The Dude fired his rocket, which hit Sombra, and sent him f;ying.

“I still regret nothing.” The Dude ran off.

Steve? threw an Ender Pearl towards where Sombra would land, and grabbed Coach’s and Dovahkiin’s hands, bringing them along with the teleportation.

Together, the three batted the fallen king around on the street like a violent three-way tennis game, Dovahkiin taking as many opportunities as he could to fart on the fallen king.

Spyro went to the Dude, who looked at the little purple thing.

“I can run faster, give me the Heart.”

“Whatever.” The Dude gave Spyro the Heart

Spyro then began to charge towards the podium.

Weasel looked to see the purple dragon charge to him.

*BANG BANG BANG* a three-round burst fired at Spyro, catching him in two legs and forcing him to stop.

“This is for Wayzer, ASSHOLES!” a cloaked man ran out of an alleyway, firing dual-wielded Uzis at the group.

Many people were hit, some several times, the strange man reloaded and fired again.

Weasel was not having it. He took out a Hell’s Retriever, a hellfire enhanced tomahawk, and threw it at the cloaked man.

The agent sidestepped it easily and began firing again.

What the agent didn’t know, was that it was a boomerang-type weapon, and flew right into his back, going right through him.

The agent looked at the hole in his chest, which had wires and electricity sparking through it.

Weasel caught the blade, and saw the unusual sight.

Trevor, of all people, finally stopped the firing by putting his Heavy Sniper right through the robot’s head.

*REEEoooooo, shunk, bazheeeeeem* the whirring and computorial sounds of it shutting down forever were heard loud and clear among the many present.

Spike, who had been caught in the middle of the chaos, found himself holding the heart in question.

Michael shouted the instructions, “Quickly, set the heart on the podium!”

Spike ran over to the podium and placed the heart onto it.

*vvvvvrrrrmmmmMMMMMMMMMMM* The heart hummed to life, and the magic started flowing throughout the castle.

The streets of the Crystal Kingdom began shining brightly, and all of Sombra’s dark magic was dispelled.

Michael looked around the area, and found that the crystal ponies were cheering for them.

All of them.

Michael shed a single tear of pride for his first major win as a player, and raised his arms up in victory.

They had won.

Sombra was gone.

Heroes 3, Villains 0.

Why 3? Because 2 agents and 1 Sombra.

The Postal Dude took out his chore list again.

"And done. Time to go home!"

The cheering died down. Weasel and The Dude watched as three figures rose up from the ground.

Sal, Finn, and Billy looked around, their bodies encompassed in blackened hellfire.

“Hey, you know where this Prick named Weasel is? The three of us have a little business with that fuck.” Billy asked, clearly possessed. Weasel backed away, basically fearing his life.

The Dude’s stomach growled, and he looked at his new acquaintance.

“Yeah, it’s called my three devilish cats.”

“Cats?” Finn raised an eyebrow.

The Dude threw three cats at the three hellfire demons.

Sal looked down at the cute face of the cat, "Awww." he cooed.

The cats promptly began to tear them limb from limb in a tornado of claws and fur.

“OH JESUS CHRIST!!!” Sal yelled out as his body began to be skinned.

Weasel merely looked as he saw Finn’s leg get mauled to mush.

“Jesus...”

“You’re welcome.” The Postal Dude replied.

“Now, where’s the fucking Burger Tank?” Coach asked, hungry for some real food.

“The ponies are vegetarian, Coach.“ Michael regretfully informed.

“Dammit, can’t keep up on carrots and lettuce and shit.” Coach lamented.

“Eat a damn salad, fatass.” The Dude said, as blunt and dickish as ever.

“No need to be a dick about it.” Weasel said, looking over three cats meowing over the resulting piles of limbs.

Lee looked at the other five humans, and dragon, then at David.

“So, whadda we do with them?”

“What can we do? They’re just as unlucky as us.” David shrugged.

“Well yeah, but I mean, well…” What would Lee say here?

They’re not really… normal.

These guys just won’t… work out here.

-> I’m all for more people, but a large group will…. get in the way. <-

(Stay silent)

“I mean, I’m all for more people, but a large group will… get in the way.” Lee said, not sure about how safe having a dozen people would be.

“Maybe Lee, but you have to remember, we’re not on a stealth mission, we’re actually done with it all. You worry too much, have a beer dude.” David patted Lee’s shoulder, not too concerned with this new turn of events.

“Uh... sure, yeah, a nice cold beer sounds good right now. But one thing David: I know I worry a lot, but worry’s kept me alive so far.”

“Well, stress isn’t good for you if it lasts too long. Just accept these guys. They’re helping us, so why not?”

"Well..."

-> They're not really... normal. <-

These guys just won't... work out here.

(Accept them)

(Stay silent)

"...they're not really... normal. I mean, like, look at the guy with the trench coat." Lee pointed at The Postal Dude, who was licking his arm clean of blood like his cats were.

"Look at Trevor." David countered, pointing at the balding man, who was smoking some meth out of a portable hookah sitting on his shoulder while removing his jeans.

“Alright, yeah, that’s weird, I think I see your point, I’m gonna go ahead and let these guys be, for now.” The tall man Hunter Leaped away, wishing to raid the royal kitchen for a beer, or a wine, or anything alcoholic.

David looked at Cadance and Shining, the former who was clearly panicking at the thought that Sombra was her father, and David rolled his eyes. He walked up to her, and stared.

“I... My father was… But Shaded Sapphire was, this… I… I can’t… wha… wha happen?... it-”

David grabbed Cadance by one shoulder and began to rapidly and repeatedly slap her- both front-handed and back-handed -across the face. He then held her face to his own, and he yelled...

“CALM DOWN, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, AND SHUT UP!!!” David let go of the mare and walked off, leaving two very surprised ponies.

“Celestia, why’d he do that to you Cadance?”

“I-I... Ow... Geez.” Cadance found herself shocked back into working order by the repeated slapping, and shook her head. She decided that she’d deal with his dick move later, she had a country to work on now.

Lee slowly opened the door that had the Kitchen sign above it, and found a strange sight.

Rarity, the posh unicorn with the stylish mane, was drinking tea at one of the tables.

One thing was off, there was a very-obviously-not-tea bottle standing on the table.

He focused his vision, and his sight seemed to zoom in slightly, allowing him to see that the bottle was a bottle of bourbon.

I’d put some bourbon in those teacups if I had any.

He clenched his eyes and grunted in pain, he’d just gotten a vivid image of the first day he’d been in the apocalypse, when he’d limped his way to Clementine’s house and saw her toy tea set.

Rarity gasped at the noise, squeaked, and hid the bottle under the table when she saw Lee.

“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t expecting to find anyone in here, hey… Rarity right?” Lee greeted, pretending that he hadn’t seen the bottle.

Rarity took a sip from her teacup, “Oh well, darling, I myself was quite thirsty, and I was in the mood for something more sophisticated than… eugh... fizzy berry juice, so I procured myself some tea.” Rarity hated carbonated drinks, they were so… tacky, and made ponies burp almost uncontrollably.

“I’d say so too, I don’t think we’ve had much’a chance to talk.” Lee sat down in front of the table and casually pulled up the bottle of bourbon and poured some into his own teacup, laughing internally.

“Oh my, sir Lee, how could you drink something so… vulgar.” Rarity tried to cover up her surprise and embarrassment.

“Says the girl who was lying through her teeth about drinking tea, I like tea too, by the way, I don’t think anyone who grows up in the southern states and doesn’t learn to like tea.” he drank the bourbon smoothly, his throat not burning from the high alcohol content due to his zombieism-induced numbness.

“Well, it seems that tea is the universal beverage for anypony, or human.” Rarity took a dainty sip of her drink, reveling in the taste of blackberries with a huge kick-to-the-tongue twist.

“So, why do you feel the need to hide the fact that you’re drinking some alcohol?”

“Oh darling, my dear friends are completely unaware that I am what most would call… an alcoholic,“ she said the word with disgust, “...My day-to-day life gives me so much to deal with, that I find... ‘the bottle’... to be quite a satisfying break from it all.”

“I wish I had ‘the bottle’ sometimes… so why do you hide it?” Lee noticed that she hadn’t answered the question he’d asked.

“Well, darling, think of the scandal if anypony found out that moi was a drunkard.”

“No worse than Nikolai, well, I mean, if you look at him as the lowest you could possibly go… nevermind. You have a good reputation, what’s it to anybo…” he stopped to think for a second, then decided that he wouldn’t give up his own speech patterns yet, and coughed to cover up his pause, “Anybody that you also enjoy a good drink alongside good fashion?”

“How did you know about that?”

“I was talking to Michael earlier, I gotta say something Rarity, the fact that there are twelve of us… well I can’t say ‘humans’ because of Spyro, and Steve is all blocky, and Michael is some sort of divine advocate or weird alien thingy… I’m getting off-track, my point is, the fact that there are twelve of us... outsiders, is scary to me, because I’ve never been in a group that big and it go well.”

“Well, sir Lee, you are a kind man, from what I’ve heard, surely you can trust things to go, if not well, then at least alright?”

“I suppose, but I can’t help but worry about the eventual conflict.”

“Well, whoever is the mediator in your group? Who is the leader of your… ragtag bunch of misfits?” Rarity knew that there were many better ways she could have worded that, but there was alcohol in her blood and she couldn’t think of those better ways right now.

Lee thought hard, he had a very broad and impactful choice to make.

(Rarity will remember this, and she’s quite the gossiper.)

I am, I haven’t done much bad in leading so far.

Michael is, he’s the smartest.

David is, he’s the most humane.

Stryker is, he’s the most responsible.

Nikolai doesn’t seem like a bad choice, at least he’s honest.

Trevor might be a good leader if he cleans up his act.

-> We should be a democracy. <-

The pony leaders seem like a safe bet.

I have no idea.

(Stay silent)

Lee took in a breath.

“A single leader would be… too dangerous, I personally think that we should be a democracy.”

“Well, dearie, in the history of Equestrian politics, democracy hasn’t ever really worked out,” Rarity deadpanned as she took another swig of bourbon, “Because sometimes, not everypony in the group will put forth their opinion, even though it’s encouraged.”

Lee looked around, he had three options as for what to do now.

Keep talking to Rarity.

Take a drink.

Leave.

He looked at Rarity, then at his cup, and drank down the rest of it, pouring another cup-full.

Lee stood up, grabbed his cup, and walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

Applejack walked into the hall, Lee thought about talking to her, but decided against it for right now.

Today had been pretty hectic, and he needed some rest.

*slurp* Hmm… after this cup, and maybe a walk too.

Nikolai, Trevor, Stryker, David, and Michael stood in front of the door to the Experiments Lab as the sign said.

“So, this places looks like a hurricane blew through it.” David snarked, looking at the trashed-to-shit hallway.

“Even so, what lies beyond this door is a mystery, even to me, as I have not seen it yet.” Michael looked at the panel.

Please insert...

10 parts carbon
15 parts hydrogen
1 part nitrogen

...to enter the Experiments Lab

“Trevor, you have exactly what we need, your me-”

“I know Michael, I took… chemistry class, meth is the perfect fit.” Trevor poured a few crystals of meth into the collection slot.

Normally he wouldn’t condone this wasteful process, but if it got him some really awesome goodies, then he’d probably give up twice the amount he'd just put in the slot.

Processing...processing…please wait.

……………

Chemical code completed.

Access Granted.

The door slid open, revealing a similarly destroyed multi-level laboratory, with only a few tables left relatively unscathed.

Michael looked on one of them, and found a small black mass that seemed to cave the table in with its weight.

He picked it up effortlessly.

“Dark matter, hmm.” he hummed over the possibilities as he stowed it away in his inventory.

David walked over to another table, and found a strange T-shaped device sitting on it.

He picked it up and examined it. It looked a bit like a radio, with some buttons and some vented spaces common on some older phones.

The other end crackled to life.

“*crrrrrkkkkkk* Hello? Agent Smeth?” a voice asked, catching everyone’s attention.

“Uh… yeah?” David tried, hoping that he sounded like this ‘Agent Smeth’

“Ah, agent, good to see you’re still active, your package is ready.”

“What package?” The brown-haired man asked, worried about what it might be.

“You know what it is, Smeth, don’t play dumb with me, the F-IT-ALT program has been with you since day 16.”

David decided to pretend to know what this radio-woman was talking about, “Oh, that package, right… uh, on my signal?” David wasn’t really sure what he was getting himself into.

“Alright, it’s ready when you are.”

The other signal blipped out, leaving the radio silent.

“Alright, that was weird.” Stryker said as he looked for another clean table.

Said clean table had a strange black helmet with a slick, glossy visor and a large, hi-tech-looking pistol.

Stryker picked up the pistol and examined it.

It was a strange model, the manufacturer’s engraving read MGC M93R-AP “Auto-9”, chambered for 9x19mm parabellum.

“Oh shit man, is that the RoboCop gun?” David remembered the 1987 movie, it was amazing.

Stryker hesitantly nodded yes, and decided: if this gun was for cops, then he was eligible to take it for his own.

Nikolai found a sheet of paper with words on it, the words were written in German.

“Well shit, words are German, Nikolai cannot read German.”

“Give it to me, I will be able to translate.” Michael took the paper and looked at it.

Unfortunately, the paper was infused with a sinister dark sorcery spell, and seared the flesh of Michael’s hands when he tried to translate it.

“GAH! It’s cursed, it cannot be read by one without immunities to dark magic.” The guide informed, shaking his aching palms.

Nikolai folded the paper up and pocketed it, looking at the others.

Trevor found a box, and inside that box was a box.

And inside that box was a box.

And inside that box was a box.

And inside that box was a box.

And inside that box was a box.

And inside that box was a key with a skull for a grip.

“Well, that was an anticlimactic boxception.” Trevor poked at the eye-hole of the skull with his thumb.

“That is a skeleton key, Trevor, it is able to unlock any lock, no matter what kind of lock it is.” Michael informed.

“Well, cool.” The balding man pocketed the key and walked out of the underground building.

“Wait, shouldn’t we check the other floors?” Stryker looked at the functional-looking elevator.

“Well, Officer Stryker, we should… but-” Michael stopped when he felt a sense of dread.

Dovahkiin swatted at the raven as it began pestering him, trying to peck him.

He finally hit it with his Crystal Spear, dealing a Perfect Attack and causing it to combust into black flames.

The flames dissipated, dying out into a wisp of smoke and leaving no trace of the coal phoenix behind.

Maxwell, with the seed of his umbra powers restored, took the form of a wisp of smoke and shot off towards the primary humans faster than the speed of sound.

Michael was still stopped, and the dread built up, until finally...

‘Hello Michael, my name is Maxwell, it’s nice to meet you… don’t warn the others about what lies elsewhere. Rather, excuse the notion of leaving the Crystal Kingdom, your duties here are still far from over.’ The creepy voice of Maxwell warned, its tone deep and melodious.

“There is nothing down there, I checked with my knowledge-gains, we should get back to the partying.” Michael lied nervously as he led the way to the surface.

Stryker trusted Michael, as did David.

Nikolai knew that Michael was lying, he could tell it by the tone of his voice, his words were forced, and forcing their words isn’t something that people telling the truth do.

‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some normalness to eliminate.’

The voice disappeared with a sucking sound, leaving Michael alone in his own head.

David, on the other hand, heard a blowing sound.

‘Hello roommate, how’re ya doing?’

‘What the fuck? Am I hearing things?’ David thought, at least 85% sure he’d actually lost his mind at this point.

‘My voice, for one, hello chap, my name is Maxwell, Lord of the Umbra, you are David, a normal man with an abnormal destiny. Michael knows, as well as Steve?, that you will be forced to make a choice, and it will test the ties of friendship. You are in no way, shape, or form, by any normal or supernatural means, obligated to choose this life with your new allies, over your normal life, but the hard question is, will you anyways?’

‘Dude, you're a creepy-ass motherfucker, FUCK OFF!’

‘I would like to, but I currently lack the dark magical power to manifest a physical form, so I will be staying with you, giving you a bit of my power until I leave.‘

‘At least you’re contributing, but fucking… what do you do with that power?’

‘As long as my soul is within you, you will be invulnerable to negative magics, such as dark, chaotic, unholy, and doppelganger powers, use this power wisely, and maybe get that paper, I can read German.’

‘Alright, so can I, but it’s limited, but I want you to shut up after you translate it, okay? Or at least only say useful things’ David figured that getting a sheet of paper and translating it wouldn’t take too long, and having a second view on things could help him out.

‘A shake, and the deal is struck, so… um… ^<.’

‘Okay… uh… >^?’

‘Alright, now get that paper.’

“Hey Nikolai, um, I can read some German, y’know... basic stuff, and… y’know, maybe it turns out I’m immune to dark magic or whatever?”

“Is worth try, comrade, here.” Nikolai took the paper out and handed it over.

‘Alright, let’s see, starch... za za za... yadda yadda yadda... this is a recipe for vodka… wow, what the fuck?’

‘Seriously? Woooowww, WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW! FUCK ME! But then again, this is Nikolai.’

‘This is one pathetic man, even more pathetic than that mime. UGH!’

“What does paper say red comrade?” Nikolai was excited to know the answer to this mystery.

“It’s uh… it’s a recipe… for..." David hesitated, not wanting to support the Russian's alcohol addiction.

‘Wait, the bottom of the paper reads opposites shall bring saviorship, I’ll need more time with this.’

“Um, it’s some sort of light magic, I think, maybe, I’ll need some more time to get a full translation with all the grammar and stuff. I’ll need a German thesaurus.” David assured, folding up the sheet and pocketing it.

“Okay comrade, Nikolai trusts you.” Nikolai walked out of the desecrated base and up to the surface, ready to have a bit of fun after so long in the zombie apocalypse.

Michael watched as Nikolai got out of sight, then counted to five thousand really quick.

“That is not what it says at all, is it?” The man of infinite intelligence asked.

“Nope, it’s actually a vodka recipe.” David half-lied. “Also, ask me, who’s...”

“From what I could gather during my fifteen seconds with him, Maxwell is a lord of darkness, akin to Sombra, but more with natural constructs rather than crystals, he specializes in terrors and nightmares.”

“So... he’s... Satan?” David shrugged.

“More like a dark version of Lucifer, really. He used to be normal, but sorcery, AKA bad magic, finds a way.”

“Alright, so bad magic makes people bad. Alright, so... wanna go party?”

“... Hell yeah.” Michael was enthusiastic, his first party!

David chuckled at Michael’s rather unusual response, but accepted it with gusto, and left.

“Right, now I follow up on that… oh I hope the elevator is truly broken.” Michael looked at the busted light on the elevator.

From the sublevels, he heard a moan of pain and suffering.

He shivered in thought of what the beasts that lurked below looked like, his vast mind graciously giving him thousands of horrid, morbid, vile images of the possibilities.

Stryker stood in front of Cadance, who’d received a magical boost that had restored both her physical and mental energies.

“Sir Stryker, as you will be known, for your bravery in retrieving the Crystal Heart, and your trust in your allies to carry on a mission that you could not, you have shown courage, confidence, and above all, honor, in your actions. I hereby declare you, as by the power vested in me, to be a knight.” Cadance declared in a formal tone, giving the officer a tap on either shoulder with a ceremonial baby-blue crystal sword, created from aquamarine gemstone.

Stryker stood up and looked the princess in the eyes, “Uh, I am honored.” he accepted, he hadn’t really thought his acts to be all that spectacular.

However, honors and a ceremony dedicated to him was pretty nifty.

“So, now that my decree has been conveyed in its entirety, let’s get back to the fair, shall we?” Cadance dropped the formal tone turned to Shining, who had been standing a few feet to her side.

“Alright.” Shining agreed, nodding to Stryker and motioning for him to follow.

Cadance led the way, smiling widely as she saw all the ponies, her people, happy as can be.

It was getting a bit late though, so they would only have time for a few things here and there.

Lee was just walking along the road, his bourbon-filled cup empty by now, he saw Trevor and walked over to him, ready to take any verbal beating he might offer.

Trevor, for the most part, had forgotten about it, until Lee walked up to him.

“Hey, you fence-riding cunt, having a nice time grinding against the middle bit or whatever?… HEHEHE *coughing fit* fuck you.” *BANG* went his shotgun as he blasted…

Another stack of bottles in the bottle-toss game, Lee was unharmed, but very startled.

“JESUS! Um, hey, listen, about earlier...” Lee scratched the back of his head, his ears ringing slightly and his desire to get the issue over with overpowering his desire to run away from Trevor as fast as possible.

“Fuck off about earlier, it’s over, we won, I get my drugs, you get your… whatever you asked for, we move the hell on.” Trevor half-yelled, not realizing that he was not getting his drugs thanks to Sombra’s death..

“I already got it... it’s the protection of a good friend.”

“Sounds like a pretty shit wish from, like, a genie or whatever the fuck he was.”

“Well, everyone’s got a different wish about they want.” Lee said, shrugging.

“Some better than others…” Trevor squinted his eyes, considering shooting the pony running the stand.

“I can agree with that, but to them, it’s the most important thing they can have, period.”

“I suppose you’re right… say, who was this friend anyways?” The balding man put down his shotgun and starting piling prizes into a garbage bag.

“Uh, it was…” Lee thought about this.

(Trevor is weird, and easy to anger, be careful here.)

My childhood friend.

-> A little girl named Clementine.<-

Actually, it was my one of my parents.

My wife.

“A little girl, named Clementine.”

“WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF PEDOPHILE CUNT? I’LL GLACK YOU IN THE EVERYWHERE!”

“Wh... NO!!!”

“Then explain, now.” Trevor had his rifle aimed at Lee now.

“Well... you see, I was in this car...” Lee then began to think about what Trevor might have gone through, and decided to be honest here.

“What brand? I like cars.” Trevor had given Lee his attention, now Lee had his interest.

“It was… a Ford, or maybe a Chevy I think, I think, I didn’t really get much a glimpse at it.”

“Why not?”

“It was… well it was a cop car... when suddenly, walke-.”

“Oooo... bad day with the cops... I know that feeling.” Trevor seemed to calm down slightly, but still kept his aim.

“Yeah, I was arrested, I’d killed a state senator… b-but I didn’t mean to! I… he was sleeping with my wife, so I beat the shit out of him.”

“Grr... Ya know, you starting to remind me of Michael, not the one here, by the way.”

“Yeah, so he was a fat bastard, even fatter than you, Nikolai, and David all put together, and I uppercut him in the jaw. He was so fat, than when he fell down and his neck hit the edge of the countertop, it broke. Instant death, no intention.”

“Okay, that’s pretty fat, your wife musta had low standards.” Trevor laughed out loud, a hazy, grating, very derogative laugh, but he was visibly more relaxed now.

Lee smiled, glad to see Trevor relax. “So I got the treatment, tried, convicted of manslaughter, and sent to the big house, or at least, was being sent to the big house.”

“Did you escape the car?”

“Yeah, well, sort of... it was around that time that the walkers came about.”

“Your world ain’t got old-people movin’-’round contraptions?”

“No, no, I mean, like… zombies, they were like zombies, but the virus kind, the cop hit one, lost control of the car, and ended up tumbling down two stories of nearly sheer-drop ditch.”

“Damn, they shoulda taken his license away way before that, I can flatten a sidewalk's worth of innocent bystanders before I lose control.” Trevor laughed again.

“Yeah, so I woke up I don’t know how much time later, but I managed to kick out the window, limped over to the dead cop, un-cuffed myself, and then I got attacked.”

“So, that when you got bitten, considering your freaky powers?”

“No, the cop came back as a zombie, and I crawled backwards to the car, got his shotgun, and blew his head off.”

“Then when did ya get bit?”

“Almost five months later. Anyway, back to the point I was at, I then met and befriended a young girl, Clementine, she saved my life.”

“Yer kinda pathetic if ya got a kindergartener savin’ yer life.”

“First: She was eight, second: I was cornered by a walker, so she got me a hammer to kill it with. Fast forward some months, we got to Savannah Georgia via a train that was luckily still functional, we lost some people along the way, fought our way through the streets, hid out in a big house, almost like a mansion.”

“High standards in a no-rule-of-law world.”

“It was the first place that had sturdy walls and an unlocked door.”

“Oh, that makes sense, carry on.”

“So we lost another, a young guy, he was probably not even college age, name was Ben, and there was my good friend Kenny, he was stuck with me since Day 2, and I don’t really know what happened afterwards. I got bit when Clem ran off to some guy who claimed he had her parents with him.”

“So… was he a pedophile bastard?”

“No, just a man with a family that died, or at least, that’s what Sombra told me, we took some supplies from a car, it was his.”

“Ahhh... I gotcha... I’d be pissed too if someone took my-... no, stole my shit.”

“Yeah, so I didn’t really get a whole lot of chance to talk to him, I’d gotten bit in the street and made it to the hospital, only to get Sombra on me with his offer, so I took it, thinking I could save Clementine.”

“Didja get wasted?”

“No, I killed the guy with a bullet to the head, I got Clem, a pack of supplies, and a new weapon, and took all three to the edge of the city, then I got taken by Sombra and dropped off in that goddamn tundra out there.”

“So… that’s it?”

“Sombra musta cursed me with even more impactful decisions, ‘cause I got the jumping thing from choosing to help the daughter I never had, but I got the claws from having to pick a side.”

“Which you didn’t.” Trevor’s glare hardened, but he didn’t brandish any weapons.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re riding the fence, Lee, you gotta choose some time, will it be the side that’s free, or the faggots?”

“I doubt that Stryker and David are faggots.”

“Well, they seem to want to stay here in fru-fru candy pony land.” Trevor fired another shot at a can on a nearby fence, right next to Lee.

“Stryker’s a cop, of course he’s gonna be on the good side, and David isn’t likely to be an evil bastard anytime soon.”

“That ain’t wut Ah said, I said fru-fru candy pony land.”

“David had the most normal life back home, and Stryker… well I mean, he got into something big, but I… okay I doubt he wants to go back, but I know David wouldn’t want to stay.”

“I don’t either, I want to go home, right now, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” Trevor was angry, and threw a grenade high into the air, watching it blow up mid-flight.

“Well, maybe we can be democratic about this, I don’t want to go, Stryker more than likely doesn’t want to go, I doubt Nikolai wants to return to his own apocalypse, Michael doesn’t really care, so that’s 3:2, staying favored, with one vote nil.”

“Or we can be republican about this, I vote that home is my party’s choice, and home is where the heart is, so deal with your own problems and let me get my heart back.”

“Trevor, that doesn’t make any sense, then again, you’re Trevor, so…”

“That’s just what Michael said, and actually this was from both of them. You know what Lee...”

Steve: I vote 2 stay in diamond world.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BLOCKY!” Trevor reprimanded.

“You know, maybe they don't have to send all of us back.” Weasel interjected.

“What do you mean?” Lee inquired.

“Well, we’re all, like from our own individually different worlds, right? I think? So why can’t we just… like… individually go back?” The Dude suggested.

Trevor once again realized that someone else had a point.

“I’d go back, mainly because there isn’t any sushi here, especially the crappy kind.”

“What’s wrong with good sushi?”

“Good sushi isn’t good, it tastes too asian.”

Steve: dats racist

“I actually hate everyone equally, so... whatever. I hate you... the kid did seem cool enough to let me want to add him on Facebook.”

Dovahkiin walked up to the group, wondering what the final verdict of the ‘go home’ notion would be.

“Well, I suppose the final answer is obvious. We all choose individually on if we want to go back.” Lee said, not noticing the kid.

Dovahkiin nodded, walking away.

“Alright, let’s tell the others. I’ll get Nick.“ Trevor got back into his truck and drove away.

Lee curled up and leapt from the area.

The Dude walked down an alleyway, exposing his privates all the while he was in the dark, just because he could.

Weasel looked for someplace with some food, anywhere would do, because he was hungry enough to eat…

Hmm...

*tak tak tak*

“Hm?” Rosetta Jewel looked at the human who had tapped on her side.

“Hey, uh, close your eyes.” Weasel instructed, taking out a sledgehammer.

“Um, okay.” the mare closed her eyes, unsure of what this great hero of her people wished to do.

'Maybe he wants to court me? Ooh, this is so exciting-' her thoughts were interrupted by a...

*SMASH* the mare’s head exploded into a shower of frosty liquids and crystal bits.

Weasel sat down and started eating the pre-crisped flesh.

After all, he was hungry enough to eat… a horse.

Or at least… a crystal pony, in this case.

“That is kinda creepy and moral horizoned, but then again, I’m in an alleyway with my penis out... so I guess it evens out.” The Dude said.

Weasel nodded, having no patience with trying to find food after literally going through hell and back and ending up in shiny crystal pony land.

Dovahkiin was simply moving around, not sure where to go now.

Then his phone rang. He answered and listened in.

“Hey, this is Vince Desi of Running With Scissors. We just noticed that you added The Dude to Facebook and color me impressed, you did just that. Doing that is impossible, he didn’t even add his wife, or rather, ex-wife... she just mailed him the divorce papers... haha...”

Dovahkiin hummed.

“So yeah, the employees are adding you to Facebook, and by employees, I mean me, Mike J, and the company itself.”

Dovahkiin then noticed that he had three new Facebook friends, thus increasing his power. He had now gained 129 friends of Facebook, and needed 11 more to get a power boost.

“Later you young fuck, I gotta call The Dude to tell him that he fucked up the headquarters with that nuke he placed at *BEEP*fish Interactive, and that he owes me $798,218.13 for relocation costs. Later.”

Dovahkiin hung up his phone and was about to pocket it again, when he heard, or rather saw, another outsider’s voice.

Steve: so, wat do u trade for?

Dovahkiin gave the tall survivalist a look of confusion.

Steve: oh right, too young to trade, say… what’s that item?

Dovahkiin tapped out a message, then sent it through a series of internet tubes known as search engines and social media websites.

Steve: hold on, I just got a Skype message… okay, a phone, right, I kno wat tose r, I’ve just nvr seen 1 for real.

*nod yes*

Steve: rite, so, I’m gonna get some more diamonds, then I’ll go bak home maybe, my sheep farm needs harvestin

*nod yes*

Steve: say, ya dont speak much, do you?

*nod no*

Steve? nodded back and turned around, sprinting away.

Dovahkiin heard a notification sound from his phone and found that Steve had added him on Facebook raising his total to 133 friends.

He was about to make his way to the castle, but then...

“So, how come you and that other guy are wearing the same kinda clothes?” Spyro asked, hovering in place.

Dovahkiin merely shrugged, pretty sure that this was typical adult stupidity.

“Right, okay, just wondering, talk to ya later.” Spyro flew off.

Dovahkiin made it a record ten feet before...

“So, what’s yer name son?” Coach asked, squatting down in front of the young boy.

Dovahkiin showed Coach his Facebook profile.

“Dovahkiin... weird name...” He found himself adding the Kid to Facebook without acknowledging it, bringing his total to 134, “So, I guess that’s all I was wondering, see ya later, I’m gonna get some more pie. Ain't much in the way of some real food, but it'll be the most wholesome thang I've eaten in the past six months.” the portly man stood up and walked off.

“What the hell do you mean, I owe you?” The Dude said on his phone.

“Hey, you told me to get you attention, so I did that.”

“Well if you didn’t want me to nuke Paradise, you could’ve said so.”

“Fuck you Vince.” The Dude hung up.

“Well Champ, we may just actually be taking the way to Los Santos to escape the IRS or whatever other money collectors that may try and kill us from here on out.” The Dude said to his dog.

*BARK*

Dovahkiin walked in the opposite direction of this guy, taking a right out of the alleyway.

He heard slurping and nomming sounds.

He saw Weasel eating the body of a dead crystal pony.

The young boy promptly turned 180 degrees around and walked away, hearing some noises that probably equated to being forcibly arrested by the authorities.

Dovahkiin sighed to himself, and realized something.

Adults here were as stupid as any other adults, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

“Hey kid, I can get you back to the castle without any more interruptions, how’s that sound?” David asked, stepping towards the kid.

Dovahkiin looked at the younger looking man, and nodded.

He walked directly opposite of where David was pointing.

“Hey, listen kid, I’m going to ask you once, and once only, betray those idiots and join the Organization, we could use someone like you.” The strangely-clothed man greeted.

Dovahkiin looked up at him, seeing bloodlust and hate in his eyes.

He nodded no, then pulled out a small bag of 'magical dreaming dust', AKA sand to throw into people's eyes.

“Hey kid, it’s not safe to... OH SHIT!” David pulled out his sword, recognizing the clothes of the man, and joined the Dovahkiin in his party.

Dovahkiin put a hand up in a 'wait a minute' gesture, it was his turn first, after all.

“Turns? Why am I doing turn-based fighting?” David asked incredulously.

Dovahkiin shrugged, and held up his small bag again.

The Organization Reconnaissance Agent looked at Dovahkiin.

O.R.A. was surprised when Dovahkiin walked up to him, then threw sand in his eyes.

He yelped in pain, then fell to one knee when Dovahkiin punched him in the balls.

Now, it was David’s turn.

He took out his revolvers, and held them out akimbo style.

David ran to the O.R.A. and proceeded to shoot him in the kneecaps, stunning him further, while also causing a bleeding effect.

“I can’t believe it was that easy.” David remarked, getting back into position.

It would have been the O.R.A’s turn, had he not been stunned.

Dovahkiin pulled out his new Blacker Glacker 1143.

*SHING-BANG* a perfect shot.

Well over two thousand damage, but the O.R.A. didn’t look nearly ready to give up yet.

It was David’s turn again.

“I’m gonna try something stupid.”

David took his sword, and threw it at the O.R.A.

The pommel hit him in the face, and made him Pissed Off, but it failed to stun.

The O.R.A. was still stunned, because Dovahkiin had the Rank 5 Dust of Dreams, making it last 2 turns.

Dovahkiin prepared another spell.

He pulled out a Roman Candle, lighting it with a lighter and aiming it at the still-stunned O.R.A.

*poof-poof-poof, poof poof, FWOOSH* a big finish, a Burning status de-buff, and about 387 armor melted off.

“My turn, apparently.”

David decided to use his special ability, ‘iPod music’ to play some dubstep.

The effect boosted the attack stats of the two warriors, but lowered their defences, a risky move for the two.

David then decided to use his sword to just attack. He went up to the O.R.A. and slashed a few times, right before kicking him and running off quickly.

The O.R.A. took a sharp blow to his armor and defense, but his level of Pissed Off-ness made him look at David with lurid, murderous intent.

David then realized what he had done for the past two turns.

“Crap.” He said quietly.

The O.R.A. had the Swiftness passive, and he used it to first pull up his radio and call for assistance.

“I’ll need some extra pairs of hands to kill these fools.” he said, glaring at David.

“On their way.” the radio person replied.

*VWOOSH* another agent, this one an Organization Guerilla Agent, appeared out of a phasing of light in the dim street.

The O.G.A. didn’t have a sword like the O.R.A., rather he was dual-wielding a tomahawk and a nail hammer.

The O.R.A. then raised his sword high, activating a laser pointer.

David gulped as a thin laser beam came firing down from the heavens, slashing at him like an impossibly hot sword.

“GRAHH, THAT BURNS!!! LIKE HABANERO PEPPERS ON A PAPER CUT!!!”

The O.G.A. pulled out a squeeze bottle filled with a slightly yellowish-clear liquid.

*SQUIIIIIRRRRRT* it was urine.

Both Dovahkiin and David were afflicted with Grossed Out, David almost instantly throwing up because he’d grit his teeth in pain before and got some of the foul liquid on his teeth and in his mouth.

Dovahkiin’s turn.

He started by throwing up a little, then deciding to give David a Cure Potion.

David looked at the bottle of water in his hand, and decided against drinking it, “Here, you look like you need it more.” he handed it back to the visibly weaker kid.

The blond boy drank the cleansing water down, settling his stomach and curing the Grossed Out effect, then decided that, since David didn’t look like he was going to survive much longer, he would switch out his buddy for another.

David felt himself being pushed back slightly as a visibly overweight young boy walked into the scene from stage left.

“Alright King Douchebag, let’s do this, you and me, and... this guy…” Cartman looked back at David, who was now standing behind him.

“The name’s David Vulakh, and you are?” David was still wondering how this kid had shown up.

“Grand Wizard Cartman, leader of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, or KKK for short.” Cartman greeted.

David nearly snarled in disgust and facepalmed, this kid couldn’t really be that oblivious, could he?

‘My GOD, where do these crazy fucks come from?’

He decided that, if Dovahkiin could summon someone, why couldn’t he?

Michael suddenly walked in from stage left, wondering what mysterious force had summoned him here.

“It seems that I am now in a sort of turn-based battle system, this is peculiar, but acceptable.” he readied up for his turn.

Dovahkiin pulled out his Crystal Spear and delivered two Perfect Attacks to the O.G.A., hitting the O.R.A. with the Sweeping Strikes natural ability.

Both enemies stopped and convulsed, then the O.R.A. shivered as he shakily batted at his flaming head, trying to extinguish himself as he threw up.

The O.G.A. wasn’t affected by the statuses because of his Guerilla armor, but still took heavy damage and was Bleeding x5.

Cartman pulled out a menstrual pad, shouted “MAGIC MISSILE!” he threw it at the O.G.A., hitting him in the face and dealing Gross Out damage, but not the status.

He then pulled out a can of aerosol and a lighter.

“You want some of this bro?” he challenged as he flicked the lighter on and sprayed flames at the O.R.A., dealing high damage and topping off the Burning effect.

David’s turn, he pulled out his iPod again, turning the volume to max and setting it to ‘Sample Shuffle’

He and Michael got an Attack Boost from a Battle Song, both enemies took a blast of Electric damage from an EDM track and were put to sleep by a Trance track, the whole group got 3 layers of shields and Damage x2 from a Heavy Metal song, and finally David got a Time-Out from a Classical track, making him unable to do anything, but also immune to all damage while he was the effect lasted.

Michael used a minor action.

The O.R.A. had 19000/25000 health, the O.G.A. had 17500/20000 health.

“Wrong, you should have been taking much more bleeding damage than that, and your armor was reduced, so you took even more damage from the Flame Strike.” He chastised the enemies for their cheating ways.

O.R.A.: 16000/25000 health.

O.G.A.: 15000/20000 health.

“Much better.” Michael stepped back and cast his spell.

A pair of Necrotic Magic Missiles flew out of his hands, hitting both Agents for a good bit of damage, then he swung his hands downwards from overhead and summoned a Demon Scythe.

The Demon Scythe went tumbling end-over-end towards the two agents, cutting their armor ratings in half and dealing high dark damage.

They were woken up by this, however.

The O.R.A. tried to pat out the flames to no success, throwing up in the process.

He looked at Dovahkiin, who seemed to head this whole fight, and threw a needle at him.

Dovahkiin blocked, just barely, breaking the needle in half, but still taking damage and getting Bleeding x1.

The O.R.A. then pulled out a Homeostasis Potion, removing his de-buffs and giving him Stability, which blocks all statuses, both bad and good.

The O.G.A. pulled out a bottle with a coating of frost on it.

He threw it at the group, watching the nitroglycerin and liquid nitrogen mixture explode violently between the four targets, inflicting Bleeding x1, Slowness, and major frost damage.

Dovahkiin’s turn again, he pulled out a bucket of water and a car battery, dragging both over to the O.G.A.

The agent didn’t need long to put two and two together, and he had the Just Human passive.

*SPLASH*

*bzzt, bzzt, BZZT, BZZT, BZZZZZZZHOCK* Dovahkiin excited the current, then pulled off a more practiced move by smashing the O.G.A.’s toes with the hard metal clamps, then dropping them into the water.

The O.G.A. was stunned, his muscles overloaded with electricity and needing time to recover.

Cartman looked at the two agents, walked up to the center of the battlefield, placed down a lit lighter, turned around, pulled down his pants, and unleashed his inner power.

Both agents were shocked by the immense power of the ignited fart.

‘Oh man, that’s gross.’ David made a disgusted look. He was still in a passive mode thanks to the classical music, so Michael’s turn was next instead.

Michael started with another...

“Technically, by the mechanics and workings of conventional flamethrowers, and the possibilities of such mechanics being applied in a more rudimentary sense-”

“Oh my God, shut up you fucking dictionary!” Cartman yelled out.

“YOU TWO SHOULD BE ON FIRE!” Michael summed up the rest of his statement in the presence of this rushing.

“I’m wearing Guerilla armor smartass, it protects me from your bullshit statuses.” The O.G.A. pointed out in a snarky tone.

Michael looked the man in the eye, walking up to him with an angry frown.

“It’s the rules, dictionary dude, ya can't break'em just 'cause you don't like that his armor blocks de-buffs.” Cartman explained simply, trying to stop Michael from cheating.

Michael had a divine wrath burning in his eyes.

He yelled incomprehensibly as he launched a shower of sharp crystal shards at the O.G.A., tearing his armor and his flesh to shreds.

“I ENFORCE THE RULES OF REALITY, BITCH!” He spat on the quivering, almost-dead body, kicking it in the side and walking back to his spot.

The O.R.A. was shocked by this development, and used his minor action.

“HQ, report, the smart one is developing a more solid grasp on active knowledge and the utilization of emotions, report over.”

“This is not good. You may need to regroup. Fall back!”

“Copy that.” The O.R.A. pulled out a small remote, pressing a series of buttons and phasing away with a small conflagration of blue light.

“Get the fudge out!” Cartman cheered.

“We won? G-Good.” David said as he sheathed his sword.

“Yes, the battle is over.” Michael

The Dude walked up to the group, who had just finished the battle, and found himself impressed.

“Wow... that was the most awesome thing that I’ve never done in my life. Here kid, I wanna try and do a battle like that sometime, it was… cool.” He said as he gave Dovahkiin a ‘Bad Touch Krotchy’ doll with voice box action. Dovahkiin pressed the (awkwardly placed) button.

“Don’t touch me there! I’m calling my lawyer.” It spoke one of three phrases it had.

“If you press that button, I’ll come here and sic my dog on some dude’s balls. I can only do this once a day. Why? There’re cops, no matter what world we’re in and because Champ already has a taste for blood as it is. Also, some dudes may have cups, so it’s better to not bother at that point anyway. Later kid.” The Dude walked away, confident that he’ll have his dog make some unlucky douchetard sterile.

Dovahkiin nodded and put the doll away, right before his phone rang again. He picked it up.

It was Vince.

“Hey kid, I got a job for you, The Dude owes us money, and you’re the only guy we know who’s in the same world he’s in. I want you to beat him up. We’d send Mike J, but he’s been roughed up thanks to becoming a Mad Cow Tourettes Zombie, and The Dude beating the living shit out of him enough times to cure his Mad Cow disease, which doesn’t make much damn sense now that I think about it, but fuck it... beat the shit out of Dude, and I’ll wire you with some money. Got it?”

Dovahkiin had a thoughtful look, but ultimately denied the request.

“Smart kid, I like that. I might just hire you one day as a real hit-err... diplomat for my company. I got one up on hold for you though, he’s the Easter Bunny, fucker’s killing the consumer base. Come to South Park, where we’re now headquartered, and help us kick his ass, when you come back of course. Later bitch.”

Vince hung up, and Dovahkiin put the phone away.

“So, Michael, who’re these jackasses?” David asked the infinite knowledge carrier.

“I’m getting to that right... Wait... This cannot be!”

“What is it?”

“These people... they’re... blanks.”

“Blanks?”

“Blank pages. Nothing on them or their world, no location of origin, nothing on who they work for, what their cause is... they’re basically...” Michael found himself silent. For all his years of working for various players, there was one thing he was good at, having information. For there to be nothing to get on what were actual people that were actually fighting his group, was blasphemy, it was a blasphemy against the Elder Gods themselves.

“Am I missing something here?” Cartman asked.

Dovahkiin motioned for Cartman to go back home.

“Alright, I am being seriously right now, I’m not sure what the fuck is going on here, so.... Screw you guys, I’m goin’ home!” Cartman walked off, leaving an indifferent Dovahkiin, a catatonic Michael, and a concerned David.

“So, we don’t know who’s been trying to KILL ME!?”

“No... No... NO!” Michael was about to freak out, but David slapped him.

“Get a hold of yourself, we’ll just kidnap one of them and have Trevor rough him up. Got it.” David said, thinking about other ways to get information.

“You mean torture?”

“As long as it isn’t me doing it, and I’m fine with doing it to a murderer. Alright?” David was sweating profusely, clearly scared.

“You are not thinking clearly David.”

“Fuck yeah, I’m not... there is a person dead by my hands, all in self-defence. I can’t take much more Mike, you have to help me!”

“Okay, give me a second, I must contact the Elder Gods.”

“AGAIN WITH THESE ELDER GODS?” David was freaking out.

Michael pushed him away, pulling out a small white cellphone with a black circle marking its brand, which was no brand at all.

“Hello?”

“Hello?”

“Which one is this?”

“Redigit, you sound familiar.”

“Ah, Redigit, yes, thank you that it’s you, this is Michael.”

“Ah, the guide, why are you calling?”

“There’s a problem, I found some blanks.”

“Oh shit, I’ll contact the great Google the Wise, see what’s up, hold on, my divine connection is a bit slow right now.”

“I can wait for a minute, maybe two, it depends on if someone else tries to come and kill us.”

“Okay, so… um, it seems that the only blanks there are, are The End beings and some group called The Organization, we have no further information than those two names, but I think they might have something in common.”

“What’s that?”

“I know from the reports that The End exists in The Void, and I think The Organization may be using The Void as cover, if they have access to it, then they have pretty much infinite reach.”

“The Void, I… does anyone here know of The Void?”

Steve: dont dig 2 deep, o & yeah I do

“Okay, Redigit, patch me through to Mojang, Steve? is here.”

“Alright… *beep boop bop* Helloo?”

“Hello, this is Michael, the guide, collector of all knowledge.”

“Ah, yes, this is personality Jeb, how may I help you?”

“What can you tell me about The End and The Void?”

“...Let me get the notes.”

After a hectic first day with a slightly less hectic first night, Michael was still awake, having no physical need for sleep, and playing the recording the instructions on how to get to The End.

Steve? stayed up with him, wondering and having his questions about why the night lasted so long answered during the brainstorming process.

“So, we need to select a group of mentally stable individuals, they will have to go to the Canterlot Mountain and find the Stronghold of The End, then travel to The End itself and gather information from the natives."

Steve: or we can hitch a ride on an Enderman

“I considered that, but how will we get them to come here again?”

Steve: they hate the endermites, little bugs dat result from gliches in reality wen som1 ender teleports

“Alright, we’ll need to perform an Ender Teleport, do you have any of those pearls?”

Steve: 4

Michael nodded.

“So, we’ll need to get the others. Trevor will not join the party for sure, mainly, and by mainly I mean solely, because of his... explosive personality.”

Steve: how explosive?

“Well... Johnny Klebitz is lucky to have a relatively intact face.” Michael cringed at the info of the dead biker’s autopsy report, and some memories of the people work for Trevor.

Steve: oh... AHHH... looked at Youtube vid... not pretty

“Not at all. Albert’s been arrested apparently. Not one hour into this world, and he’s been imprisoned for murder and cannibalism... he might be less than sane too.”

Steve: pass?

“Yes. The Postal Dude is a sociopath, and rather psychotic at times. He’s out. Lee has some issues, but for the most part, he’s stable. Coach is the same, but with less issues. Dovahkiin has a surprising amount of power for a child, so he's coming. You and I are the constituent parts of the plan. Stryker is capable, as is Nikolai, even if both are a bit odd. Spyro may not desire to deal with these very... both literally and figuratively dark arts. So that's that then.”

Steve: Trevor, Weasel, Postal Dude, Spyro arnt comin, bring the rest.

“Yes, alright, we’ve got our plan.”

Steve: Wat bout David?

Michael paused, right before speaking.

“David’s a special case so far. His sanity is starting to falter thanks to the events of the past twenty four hours. But his reactions are genuine, and realistic. I believe he’s stable enough to come with us. I still wonder why these men want him dead so desperately? Nikolai’s a trained killer, Lee has powers from the infected of Coach’s world, I’m nigh infinitely intelligent, Stryker’s a highly capable fighter and Trevor is... well... but David has practically no credentials, no combat experience, he has the bare minimum of weapons knowledge...”

“And to top it all off, I’m unhealthy and physically weak.” David added, not amused by Michael’s rather insulting rant.

“Oh... hello David.” Michael awkwardly replied.

“Hey guys. So, any luck?”

“Well... the Elder Gods did some cross-referencing, and found out that there are two potential threats to us, one of them is a woman, who, may I add, is highly unknown, even to all but one her employers, that is code-named Agent 4.”

“Agent 4?”

“Yes, she decided to take some Asian ideology for that codename, and a man that is codenamed ‘Condition One’, or CO for short.”

“Like, ‘Hammer cocked, safety on’ as an image?”

Steve: ya. these guys want u ded 4 sum reason

“Yes...” Michael paused. “I also came to some rather disturbing knowledge.”

“What?”

“The land where the Elder Gods reside, AKA The Great Above, those two and the Organization have direct access to the only area connected to it, The Void, the space between universes.”

“So, what does that mean?” David asked, shrugging.

“It means, they may know everything about everyone here!” Michael yelled out, seemingly frightened.

Steve: even the dude?

“Yes, even him.” Michael shook his head.

“Jesus...” David found himself breathless.

“With any luck, however, we may just find a way to stop them.” The light-brown-haired man said, hope and fear prominent in his words.

“I hope you’re right...” David began, feeling a bit hopeless.

“...I really do.” David's words came from the speaker loud and clear.

Condition One turned off the bug he'd planted on David, and turned towards Agent 4.

“That damn Blue Comet.” She muttered.

“Relax, I’ll go to that world, and personally speak to him on my behalf, maybe take out the assassin too.” He said, working the slide of his Five-seveN pistol.

“They now know of...”

“Earth Alpha, yes I know... luckily, we’re zeroing in on two potential subjects that’ll help us get to these idiots.” CO pulled up a screen with a map of the U.S.A. on it.

“Who?”

“A man who resides in the state of California, and another in the state of Texas.”

“Oh, two of the biggest states in the USA, brilliant work so far.” Agent 4 snarked.

“We’ve eliminated Northern California and the Mountains so far for one of them, but we’re having trouble finding the other one, as we can gather no real traces of a specific location for the Texan, he appears to shift to Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana often, so it may be that he doesn’t have a permanent residence or we’ve overlooked something, and I doubt someone with either of these two guys’ power would not have a settled house.”

“So, who should I kill?” She asked, taking out the balisong knife she kept.

“Michael, he’s the one who knows everything. Be glad that every agent we got has a special implant that makes tracking impossible, and be thankful its hidden inside your left kidney, 4.”

“Hmm... any strings attached? Last time we went against Damon’s wishes, he threw me through 7 walls, several cubicles, and a coffee table made of mahogany, right before he tossed me into my version of the Ca-.”

“What the leader doesn’t know, won’t hurt us.” CO interrupted, smirking under his mask. “As for Michael, once you’ve killed him, a monster will be released, so run, fast. Also, watch out for David, he’s actually very good with guns, very lucky with them too, extremely lucky.”

“And what makes you think that?”

CO chuckled, and took off his mask, revealing curly brown hair and a pair of blue eyes that seemed to be overflowing with malice and insanity.

“It takes one to know one.” The alternate dimension man replied, snarling as his blue eyes locked with the hazel eyes of the original David in the picture.

He brought the handle of his S&W500 down on the keyboard, shutting off the image, then turned around and walked towards the teleporter room, his dual MP5s in his hands and ready to spray Blue Comet the Traitor to death.

Author's Notes:

so, after I forget how long, and a shitty save, it's out

on that shitty save, I was halfway done with the format-replacing, then my tabs crashed and re-opened, so I was kicked back from 1/2 done to 1/10 done, FUUUUUCK MEEEEE

so... TWIST ENDING!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah, alt David? yep

if you want more details on Earth Alpha, want to know who Blue Comet is, or just want more words to read, check out Hexed Lives for all those things