My Little Squirrel - Friendship is Explosive

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony © Hasbro. Midi Waffle & Kyrodian Legends © myself (Nick Kovacs).

NOTICE: This is not a self insert. The Midi in this story is from my game; he is not me. I'm doing this as a character exercise. Thank you.

The sun beamed down hard on the Appleloosian desert, heating the sand to the point where it felt like it would become glass at any moment. Small patches of grass and shrubs soaked up what little moisture they could in the searing heat, weathering the dry climate in their usual fashion. A vulture circled overhead, searching for any creature, be they pony or beast, that happened to venture too far into the wild and become the bird's next meal.

Nearby, in the town of Appleloosa, the roof of the Salt Block exploded, sending burnt chunks of wood flying in all directions. The front door burst open as a burly earth stallion trampled the water trough on his way out, followed by a brown, bipedal squirrel standing four feet tall with blue eyes and a light tan muzzle. On his head, he wore a floppy green beret, the kind that didn't have a stem, and his clothing consisted of a red jacket, light gray undershirt and baggy blue jeans that were rolled up at the hem.

The orange stallion with the traditional black mane, bullet cutie mark and villainous mustache hardly looked the part with the expression of absolute terror stuck on his face. He looked back to gage the distance between him and his non-equine pursuer.

The squirrel held his hand up and collected energy into it, forming an acorn which ignited on the stem. He threw it forward, and it exploded on contact with the ground just a few feet from the earth pony.

Bullet Bill was an outlaw, soon to be a former outlaw if he didn't escape the mad bomber behind him. He was known as the fastest draw in the west, and could make any projectile, be it a toy slingshot to a dinner plate, into a lethal weapon, and his skill with a rifle or crossbow was unmatched. But he never expected he'd be faced with somepony so bent on wanton destruction. The crazy rodent didn't even give him the time of day before making the whole room they were in explode into a million itty bitty pieces.

The squirrel, Midi Waffle by name, 16 years of age, continued to rain fiery wrath upon his target. Midi was an independent bounty hunter, and though his methods were crude, he always got his pony. This was mostly due to his stubbornness and inability to know when to quit. After three weeks of tracking down Bullet Bill, he finally had him in his clutches, only for things to go sour in the end when some idiot who couldn't keep his mouth shut spilled the beans. It was a miracle he'd gotten this close, and another opportunity like this was not going to present itself, now that Bill knew who he was.

Bill turned a corner and skidded to a halt, not noticing he'd just run himself into a dead end until it was too late. He turned to face his opponent who was standing right behind him, blocking the exit. The outlaw was faced with two options: fight and face a fiery death, or fight and kill the little bucker.

Midi smirked and fired another bomb. Bill grabbed the bomb right out of the air with his hoof, swung it around, and lobbed it back at the destructive squirrel. The bomb collided with its conjurer and exploded on contact.

Bill grinned at his handiwork and watched the dust settle. He expected to see the smoldering corpse of the would-be former bounty hunter, but instead, saw Midi still standing there.

The hunter had another bomb in his grasp, this time holding it in both hands over his head. His hands began to glow, and the acorn started growing in size.

"Are you mad?!" the outlaw shouted, "You'll take out the whole town!"

Midi grinned psychotically. "I know! Isn't it great?" His eye twitched as the bomb grew even larger, now bigger than his head.

Bullet Bill wet himself. "I-I surrender!" he cried, "I'll come quietly! Please! Just don't blow me up!"

Midi pouted and diffused the bomb, which caused it to disappear in a small puff of smoke and light. "Aw, you ruined my fun." He took out a pair of hoof cuffs and put them around Bullet Bill's forelegs. Then he led him back into the street where Sheriff Silver Star was waiting for them.

"Well, you got 'im," Silver Star said.

Midi smiled. "Yup. Now, about my bounty?"

"Ah, yes," replied Silver, and threw Midi a bag of bits.

The bounty hunter eagerly grabbed up the money bag and felt its weight. He tilted his head quizzically and looked inside. "Only two hundred? I thought the bounty was a thousand?"

"Well there would have been more, but we had to deduct some to cover damages."

"What damages?!" Midi asked incredulously.

Silver Star pointed at the burning roof of the Salt Block.

"Oh." Midi chuckled sheepishly. "Well, it wouldn't have happened if that wall wasn't in the way."

The sheriff scowled and took his prisoner. "Be thankful we even paid you that much." He turned away and hauled Bullet Bill off to the jail.

Midi sighed and walked the walk of shame back to the inn. He sat at the mini bar and signaled the bar tender. "Yo, barkeep. Pineapple fizzler." He put a few bits on the bar and slid them forward.

At the sight of full payment, the bar tender promptly filled a large glass with the drink and slid it down the bar towards his customer. Midi would have caught it, but a burly, dark red stallion snatched it off the bar and swung himself around so he was sitting with his back against the bar. The large earth pony leaned back and quaffed the drink in one swift motion.

"Hey!" Midi snapped, "That was my drink!"

The pony polished off the glass and set it down. "Weak kiddy drink, too."

Midi swiveled on his stool to glower at the thief. "You owe me, bud."

"Don't get your fluffy duster in a knot," the stallion said with a bored expression, barely even looking at Midi, "it ain't worth it."

The squirrel did not relent, and immediately got into the earth pony's face. "Look here, you over-sized apple muncher! I had a hard day today. I spent over a week chasing down Bullet Bill through a big freaking desert and then getting stiffed on the bill, and all I want is my stupid drink, and you come along and steal it! I am so not in a good mood right now, so either you buy me a drink or I'll turn you into a slag heap!"

The pony rested his elbow on the counter. "You fit over a week into a day, huh?"

Midi didn't miss a beat. "Yes! Yes, I did!"

"You got a big mouth on you, friend," the pony said darkly, "but I'm glad I ran into ya. See, I've been after Bullet Bill, too, and you done come up and grabbed him right in front of me."

Midi crossed his arms and splayed his ears back. "Hmph, so you're sour cuz I did the job better? Tough rocks, dude. You don't come up and steal from me over it."

"You dishonored me by showing me up," the stallion said, "and now I'm out a thousand bits, and you expect me to pay for your dumb drink?"

"And you think I've never lost a mark to someone else before?" Midi scoffed. "Dude, it happens. That's the game. You lost. Grow up and get over it!" He stood up and turned around. "You can have my dumb drink. I'm not thirsty anymore."

Before he could leave, though, the pony grabbed his shoulder.

"Hold up there, partner," he said, "I don't think you get what I'm saying. This ain't about money. You dishonored me, and now I want to settle this."

Midi glanced back at the aggressive equine. "What's your name?"

The pony grinned. "Feel like knowing who's about to tan your hide?"

"No," he said boredly, "I'm just tired of referring to you as 'the pony,' that's all."

The pony looked confused. "Whatever. The name's Cinder Block."

Midi's eyes and cheeks bulged for half a second before he sputtered and burst into uproarious laughter. "C-Cinder Block?! That is the dumbest name I have ever heard!"

He continued on cackling until a pair of hooves to the gut sent him flying out the window. Almost as soon as he stopped skidding, he flipped back up to his feet, using his tail to hold his balance. Cinder Block was out only a couple seconds later, snorting like a bull.

"That does it, squirrel!" he bellowed, "First you steal my mark, then you insult my name! Where do you get off doing that?!"

"Sheesh, this guy's clearly never played a first person shooter," Midi said to no one in particular as he dusted himself off.

"Here and now!" Cinder called out, "Death, duel to we'll a have!"

Midi stared and blinked. "Uhh... what?"

Cinder Block shook his head. "We'll have a duel to the death here and now!"

"Ummmm..." Midi took a pensive pose. "Nah. Not here. Too cliche. I say we find a more interesting setting. Like on an airship, maybe?"

"NO!" Cinder roared, "HERE AND NOW!" He scuffed his hoof on the plank walkway and charged forward.

Midi put his hands behind his back and smiled coyly. "Well, alright, if I must." Just before Cinder could trample over him, he used his tail to spring himself into the air over his opponent. "Honestly, I don't see why we're fighting anyway. Usually, when I fight people, they become cinders, and you're already one."

Cinder turned and pounced at Midi, who simply slid underneath him.

"Uh, don't fights usually have more hitting in them?" Midi tipped backwards like a bowling pin and righted himself up off to the side to dodge a swing of Cinder's forehoof. "I mean, I'm no expert, but," he leaned around and walked backwards to avoid a rapid chain of punches, "this looks more like a figurative dance than a fight."

"SHUT! UP! AND! FIGHT!" Cinder huffed and accented each word with another near-miss attack.

"Ooh, dance fight? OK!" Midi flipped upside down onto his head and spun around, rapidly slapping Cinder's face with his feet and tail. Once the barrage was over, he jumped back and held himself up on his tail. "Hey, not so close! You'll get hurt!"

Cinder rubbed his sore cheek. "Blasted squirrel!"

"Good idea!" Midi spawned an acorn under his feet and stood on it. "Let's have a blast together! Bomb voyage!"

The stallion gasped and hit the dirt in time to avoid being fried by the following explosion. Once the rocks and dirt stopped falling, he looked up to see Midi flying off through the sky. "Hey! Come back, you coward!"

But it was too late; he'd never catch up with him now.

Lowering his head, Cinder tipped his hat forward, giving himself a more menacing demeanor. "Third strike, rodent. Best watch your back."

Midi landed squarely on the train platform, grateful for not landing on anyone's head; he'd been in enough trouble for one day. He went up to the ticket stand, still trembling a bit with adrenaline, and addressed the ticket mare, who had her face buried in a book.

"One ticket to Whocaresville, please," he said nonchalantly.

"Child or adult?" the mare asked.

Midi ground his teeth. "Nothing in between?"

"No, ma'am."

The squirrel's jaw dropped. "Ma--ma'am?! I'm a sir, lady!"

The mare looked up without any expression. "My apologies, sir. Child ticket, I assume?"

Midi sighed and facepalmed. "Yeah, sure, fine, just gimme the ticket."

"Very well, sir, that'll be ten bits. If I may, are you accompanied by an adult?"

Midi crossed his arms and tilted his head away with his eyes closed. "That information is classified to strangers." He put the ten bits down and took his ticket.

"Have a nice trip, sir."

Brushing his spiky bangs out of his face, Midi turned and boarded the train. He wasn't joking when he said "Whocaresville"; he really hadn't decided on a destination. This world was still strange to him, having only recently arrived by way of a freak warp zone accident, and anywhere that had work was good enough for him. Besides, it felt good getting out of this backwater-sans-water town.

Taking a room in the sleeper car, Midi picked a bunk, stowed his beret in the curl of his tail, then hopped into bed. It didn't matter where this train took him; without any leads for getting back home, anywhere was as good as nowhere.