EVERYPONY! ATTACK!

ARGH! CAREF-

*SWOOOOOOOMP*

TWILIGHT! AH!

*BAOUM*

*FLUOSH*

YOUR LEFT, SPIKE!

*FLUOSH*

TAKE THIS!

*SWOUM!*

*PLAF!*

HYA!

*BL-blomp*

SPIKE, LOOK OUT!

*BAM!*

Thanks!

YOUR RIGHT!

*SWAOMP!*

ARGH!

APPLEJACK!

DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME AND GO HELP PINKIE AND PINKAMENA! LET THIS TO ME, YOU’RE NEEDED THERE!

O-Ok! Fluttershy, come with me!

E-EEEEP!

*BAOUM!*

Oh! Careful!

PINKAMENA!

*BOOOM!*

Oh, thanks! And… hmm?

HAH!

*BAOUM*

*SWOOOSH*

*ZAAAAAP*

Heh. Goodnight, buggy.

*KJJJ*

*BAOUM!*

***

Author’s notes:

Hmm. I think that this doesn’t quite work. I don’t understand anything. I mean, are they winning or…?

Louis! What are you doing?! This is not the best time for…!

Pinkie, for Starswirl’s beard, we’re in a parallel universe or timeline or I don’t know, some kind of huge clusterfuck of metaphysics that ultimately just means that we’re on my frigging mind, so we can spare some minutes talking. It’s not like they’re going to lose while we’re doing it. Well, maybe I should say that it’s not like you are going to lose. I still don’t understand how the fuck can you be here.

You silly-billy! It’s because…!

Magic, I get it. Now, as I said, this is quite anticlimactic for a final battle.

What?! Anticlimactic?! EVERY CHARACTER WITH A NAME IS FIGHTING AGAINST DISCORD! Well, every character but you, but that’s not the point, YOU CAN’T BE MORE CLIMATIC THAN THIS!

Well, I guess that you’re right. If this was a movie, I’m sure this would be just awesome. But this is stupid. We’re only seeing “whacks” and “baoums” and sometimes, somepony screams or Discord just plain insults everybody. And I sure don’t know what the fuck is Pinkamena doing.

But it’s easy! You just need to close your eyes and visualize everything!

Yeah, no. We’re reading. We need some goddamn narration, but just everybody is talking in colors now.

Can we please return to the important stuff? Please? My life and my friends’ is in danger, and…

We can go back, but I doubt that any reader is going to, you know, read anything if we just continue with the battle like that.

And that’s important because…?

Without readers, good luck trying to do anything. They’re quite important, as you may have guessed by now. If you haven’t, then you’re stupid.

I guess that right now I should tell a joke about how the readers are going to read this if they have read the entire story because it’s pretty bad, but I’m not in the mood, you know? GET BACK TO THE FIGHT THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Can I point out the irony of the situation? You –the most random character in existence- want to go all serious and I –y’know, the original author- am just sitting here, ruining the atmosphere and reminding everybody that this is still a comedy, albeit a pretty bad o-

*PLANK!*

AUCH! Oi, that was completely uncalled for!

Shut up and let’s go back with the battle!

No! We need a narrator, goddamnit!

THEN NARRATE EVERYTHING!

I can’t! They’re talking in colors, and I’m not taking levels from the characters just because I don’t like the way it looks!

…
So you want a narrator.

Yeah.

But you aren’t narrating.

Nnnope. And before you ask me: no, you can’t narrate either because that would be at the same time hilarious and completely wrong.

Oh, don’t worry, I was thinking about something completely different.

***

I struggle and push around endlessly, trying to find my way in a Void that suddenly has become the most populated thing in existence. The readers had been pretty busy lately, so the mind of the author is now filled with impossible characters and things that I think make no sense. Like an optical camp suit, whatever the fuck is that. Aragorn, son or Arathor, is here too, and he has a party cannon because it seems like somebody here is retarded, I don’t know if it’s the author or the readers.

And of course, some asshole opened a door that let a lot of stupid OC’s here, so now I’m dealing with like three thousand and thirty three ponies, griffons and changeligns who flap their wings and/or legs aimlessly trying to do who-the-hell-knows because who-the-hell-knows. I found a way to go back to the story like three years ago, but everything’s so fucking crowded that I can’t even see my feet, so I’m just swimming in an ocean made of original characters. And Aragorn son of Arathor and his stupid party cannon. Whoever gave him that thing deserves a brick on his ass, that’s for sure.

After dodging another wave of confetti and a brownish stallion who says that he can control fire –“Sure you can, kiddo,” I say. “Sure you can.”- and when I finally see the ladder to show up in the story…

*Throws keyboard at Aragón*

Auch. I can say that that hurt. My head feels funny. I would never have guessed that a keyboard was so heavy.

But I see the ladder again, and I think I can escape this huge mess. Just another couple meters…

Author’s notes:

Ah-hah! Hello Aragón! You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you! I would hug you if I could!

I blink and frown at the… sight? Voice? How can I explain this? Pinkie is here, and she’s talking to me. I can’t exactly see or hear her. It’s more like a presence. A… thought of mine. I know what she’s saying, and I know what face she’s doing, but the information is just there and I take it with a weird sense I didn’t know I had. I wouldn’t call it a “sixth sense”, more like a “three quarters and a half sense”.

I sigh and try to ignore an OC with glasses and a –how original- hourglass cutie mark and stare into the nothingness (now crowded with idiots and a king with a cannon that shoots cakes and confetti) that is the Void. “Okay, Pinkie, how the fuck are you talking to me?”

Author’s notes:

You could at least say “hello”, you know? I’ve been very worried about you!

“Why?” I shrug. “You could have been worried if I had been in danger or something, but I’m dead. It’s not like my situation can be worse, don’t you think?” The same OC with glasses kicks me in the face while trying to move or fly or travel in time or who the fuck knows. “Well, maybe it could be worse than just ‘dead’,” I point, “but I’m pretty sure that right now I’ve hit the limit.”

Then I smile. “Although I’m happy to see you again, Pinkie. Sorry if I’ve made you suffer with my death and everything else.”

Author’s notes:

Aaaaw. You’re the same as always. Why is Doc kicking you?

“I don’t know, and I don’t really want to know.”

“Ah, sorry!” The brown stallion bits his lip. “I didn’t wanna…”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t talk.” I shake my head. “I’m the only one allowed to talk, because if you guys start saying things, this is going to be worse than my family reu…”

Author’s notes:

Pinkie, what the hell were you talking abo-WHAT THE HELL?!

“Eh?” I push the floating stallion so I’m ‘alone’ again and I look at the not-nothingness that is the Void now. “Who’s there with you, Pinkie? It almost seems to b-WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! YOU?!”

Author’s notes:

PINKIE, HOW THE HELL DID YOU CONNECT THE AUTHOR’S NOTES WITH THE VOID?! IT’S NOT POSSIBLE! I MEAN, IT JUST GOES AGAINST EVERY LOGIC IN EXISTENCE!

Wait, you guys knew each other? Aragón! Why didn’t you tell me?!

“Pinkie, not now.” I facepalm. “Look, I’m already surrounded by assholes, I don’t want to talk with an even bigger asshole right now, okay?”

Author’s notes:

You know you must be pretty stupid to insult me of all people, right? I mean, yeah, I knew you are retarded, I’ve been watching you from the shadows, but… Wait a minute, did you just ‘facepalm’?

Uh…

“I do whatever I want, Louis. Stop whining.”

Author’s notes:

No, listen to me: I’m okay with your characterization being all stupid and funny (notice the italics) when you’re a character, but now you’re supposed to be mysterious and wise! You’re in the Void! You’re in my mind, for fuck’s sake!

“Hey, I wasn’t supposed to appear now!” I scream. The OC’s are looking at me, although Aragorn is still playing with the stupid cannon and doesn’t pay attention to anything else. “And being mysterious and wise and talking with riddles is a pain in the ass! Also, weren’t you supposed to be like the huge mystery here? WHY IS PINKIE WITH YOU?!”

Author’s notes:

DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE ANY IDEA YOU FUCKTARD?!

Guys! Stop arguing right now! What is happening here?! You knew each other? Aragón, you knew who Louis was? How can you…?

I roll my eyes. “I’m in the Void, which is the mind of the author. I’m a part of it now, so I know everything the author knows.”

Author’s notes:

…I thought the author’s notes were the mind of the author!

They are. Both the Void and the author’s notes are part of my mind, it’s just that…! They are two completely unrelated parts, or one of them is inside of the other, o-or…!

“…Or you don’t have any fucking idea, because I don’t and right now I know everything you know. You asshole.”

Author’s notes:

…Gggh.

So… we’re inside your mind, Louis? And Aragón is more inside your mind than us? That’s the reason why there are a lot of things in the Void?

“Yeah.” I nod and lick my lips. “If Louis thinks about something, it shows up in the Void. That’s the reason why there are a lot of fucking OC’s here. And I can say that he’s been reading Homestuck lately, and also looking at a lot of… let’s say, adult material.” I point at my back. “I found the ‘not-safe-for-work corner’ a while ago.”

Author’s notes:

Y-you! Stop telling lies! I haven’t…!

Wait, the Void has corners?

“So it seems”.

Author’s notes:

Okay, this is just stupid. I’m the first one who enjoys a little fun sometimes, and I’m sure that this is quite funny for you, but…

“Oh, yeah, that’s another one.” I frown and cross my arms. “Look, Louis, I think it’s the first rule in the manual: DON’T MIX DRAMA AND COMEDY!” I put on my best you’re an idiot face. “The story’s in its best part, and you go and stop it because you want to focus on your original character? GOOD ONE, ASSHOLE!”

Author’s notes:

It wasn’t me! It was Pinkie!

Hey! I’m the one who wants to go back with the battle! In fact, I’m already there but if we don’t go with them, then it’s not going to happen, so…!

“Then go back! There’s no reason for you to be here, really! Shoo!”

Author’s notes:

No, we can’t go back because we need a narrator and…!
And…
Oh. Clever.

Oh, now you get it, huh?

“A narrator?” I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Can’t Louis narrate the entire thing?”

Author’s notes:

No, because everybody talks in colors! Well, canon-me and canon-Twilight don’t, but we have Spike and me and the girls and Discord and the battle is not understandable without narration, so…

And, you know, I can’t just change the entire fic and narrate when I want. And I see why Pinkie brought us here. You can narrate everything!

“Yeah, well, I guess that being dead is not a huge thing anymore.” I shrug. “I guess I’m going to resurrect now?”

Author’s notes:

Nah, not exactly. You’re going to narrate, but you’ll be like a ghost or some shit like that. You won’t be able to fight with them. And you’ll be there only for the battle –after that, back to the Void with you.

What?! Why?! You promised me you’ll write him back!

Yeah, and I can’t understand why the fuck did you want that if you can just walk into the Void.

It’s not the same! He’s dead, and that’s very sad and bad! He needs to be alive so we can throw parties!

“That sure was a twist. Pinkie motivated by parties. Wow. You’re just getting better at this writing business, huh?”

Author’s notes:

Oh, sarcasm. That’s original.

“You copied that line.”

Author’s notes:

Stop fighting right now! Listen to me, you’re going to help each other or I’ll be angry! And you won’t like me when I’m angry!

…

I stay in silence a couple seconds. “What the…?”

Author’s notes:

NO! Pinkie, I swear I’ll be working with him, just DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!

Hmph.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Author’s notes:

You don’t want to know.

Enough talking! GO BACK TO THE BATTLE RIGHT NOW!

YES MA’AM!

***

Man, it’s been ages since the last time I narrated! Let’s hope I haven’t forgotten anything. Well, at least I read that guide –I shouldn’t be very bad at this.

Author’s notes:

ARAGÓN!

Sorry, sorry! Ahem.

“EVERYPONY! ATTACK!”

The sun appeared on the horizon at the same time the nine ponies and the dragon charged against the Draconequus. Pinkamena had her knife. Spike had his fire. The rest had only hooves and teeth, but it was enough.

Discord stood tall, facing them all without a single trace of fear in her face. His eyes, red with rage. His chest, filled with pride. His claws, ready for the battle. His magic, already in use.

When he talked, the voice of a thousand giants could be heard. A battle cry, louder than Tartarus itself, a sound so horrible, so powerful, that both Spike and the ponies couldn’t hear without gritting their teeth.

He said. Yeah. What a voice, huh? It’s a bit difficult to narrate when he’s shouting like that. The text just doesn’t work well. Oh, and that was a little redundant, I must say…

Yeeeah. Originality. I’m sure absolutely nobody has shouted something like that, ever. Anyway, let’s go on.

Author’s notes:

Oh man. Info dump. I think I’m going to skip this shit. See you at the end of this “explanation”.

What?

Obeying Pinkamena’s order, everypony charged like crazy. It was pretty easy for them, being equines and all.

What wasn’t so easy was to actually hit Discord. Pinkamena had attacked him before, but the draconequus was merely playing back then. This time, he was really fighting. And you can’t fight Chaos itself and hope for a regular battle.

When the first pony (Rainbow Dash, as she was the fastest one) tried to hit Discord, he just disappeared. And then the whole world changed.

It was madness. Exactly the kind of thing you can see in your dreams. When you looked at the right, you may be facing a weird yellow void with beams of color floating in it and an angry beaver that was just Discord in disguise. The thing under the ponies’ hooves (because we can’t name it “ground”) changed every second, sometimes being water, sometimes dirt, sometimes a fallen tree, sometimes nothing. Light and darkness fought each other in the sky, the result being a mix between day, night and a crazy DJ who’s suddenly in control of the disco lights and is higher than Cloudstale. And let’s better not talk about what happened when you looked to your right or above your head. It wasn’t healthy, that’s for sure. Every damned individual atom was alive now, and the only thing they wanted to do was dancing and playing the bagpipe. THAT is chaos, my friend.

The only ones who weren’t having any kind of trouble keeping their balance in that always-changing zone were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, because the air remained more or less exactly the same no matter what happened. Well, they and Pinkie Pie, because Pinkie Pie. But even then, they were a little disoriented. When the entire existence does nothing more than change and try to either corrupt you or just plain kill you, it’s a little hard to maintain sanity, so you can guess that keeping your sense of direction is plain impossible.

And of course, we’re only talking about the environment. Discord himself was attacking the ponies personally too. He was in three, maybe four places at once. And each Discord was teleporting every few seconds and throwing everything he got to the ponies. Which mostly meant lasers or rocks or fire or chocolate or headphones or miniature black holes, or… well, you get the idea. The ponies were fighting against a rain made of everything. And the best part was, of course, that it’s not like the attack –let’s say it was a rock- appeared a couple meters away from you and then tackled you like a shark that has forgot it has a mouth. No, the rock appeared maybe under your feet, and then it disappeared and appeared behind you, and then it started to fly around you like a drunken vulture until it felt tired. Then it exploded and a fucking laser came from it and it hit Applejack, for example.

So yeah, they weren’t exactly easy to dodge.

The only reason why the entropy of that massive hole in the universe hadn’t killed the ponies yet was, of course, Twilight Sparkle. She was Celestia’s protégé after all, so of course she was able to recognize a negative space-time continuum when she saw one. Although that wasn’t a “true” negative space-time continuum, of course –a real one was just a zone (ourside or inside the universe, that didn’t really matter) that functioned entirely on antimatter. And anti-time. But being just a negative continuity wasn’t enough for Discord, because that would have made sense.

No, the space –the universe where the ponies were was no other thing that, oddly enough, Chaos. They were fighting Chaos inside of Chaos, which is a pretty elegant way to describe the huge clusterfuck of nothingness and everythingness mixing out and going to a bar while logic hanged itself. If the metaphor doesn’t make sense, it’s because you’ve understood what the heck am I talking about.

But what was the thing they were in wasn’t important. The important thing was that Discord hadn’t created it just for shit and giggles. It wasn’t an aesthetic decision either. You see, there’s a funny thing about pony anatomy –a pony’s body likes to remain the same all the time. It doesn’t react well when you suddenly transform one leg into a banana and one eye into an angry monkey that’s looking for its bride and daughter. But in that space? Well, nothing was safe from chaos –that’s so, unless you had the most powerful magical unicorn in existence, of course.

So Twilight Sparkle was the only one who didn’t move. She was standing still as a statue. Eyes closed, frown down and horn shining like a fucking diamond in the center of the Sun itself. She was using all her magic, every little bit of magical energy, on just one spell. The levitation one. She was individually levitating every single atom of her body and her friend’s and keeping them together, at the same time using the magic force field that levitated every atom to protect it from Discord’s magic. It was not an easy feat, as you can guess. Try to imagine you are pretty good at juggling. You can juggle more than eighteen balls at the same time, or some crazy number like that one. Well, now imagine that you suddenly need to juggle with every single molehill of the biggest beach in the entire Multiverse. Which is like, I don’t know, three thousand times bigger than the biggest beach you’ve ever seen? And if you don’t, then you and all your friends will die.

Twilight Sparkle was juggling. And the molehills were in fire, because Discord’s such a son of a bitch. As a result, her friends were still alive, although sometimes she failed and a little bit of magic got in their bodies –nothing too heavy, of course… just silly changes, like suddenly having five legs or losing your tail or becoming a human- but that only lasted a few seconds.

Everypony was purple now, of course, because Twilight was using her magic on them. But nopony cared. It wasn’t like they had an option.

You see, while Twilight was there, trying to control the entire situation and keeping her friends to explode, the rest of the Element of Harmony (plus Spike, Pinkamena and canon-two) were busy trying to attack Discord and defend themselves and Twilight.

Because the draconequus was attacking them in more than a thousand different ways at the same time. One second Rainbow Dash was seeing Discord’s head floating in midair and flying towards it so she could punch it, the next she discovered that the head had turned into Fluttershy and now the ground was shooting lasers at her and everything was fire and explosions.

Spike was throwing fire as hard as he could around Twilight, protecting her from any kind of physical attack and sending it to who-knows-where. Peewee, flying near him, acted as Spikes’ eyes, pointing where the next attack was coming from. Applejack, by his side, was covering Twilight too, with nothing more than her hooves. They were enough. Usually bucking an explosive laser wouldn’t be a good idea, but luckily for Applejack common sense had died a long time ago. It was still a hard job, though, and the farmer’s chest and legs were full of bruises. Not that she cared. In the end, for a casual viewer it seemed that AJ and Spike were dancing around the purple unicorn, a dance of lasers and kicks and fire. Which makes a pretty badass dance once you really think about it. But sadly, there weren’t any casual viewers, because any sentient being in that zone would have exploded or turned into a mix between lava, a boiled egg and the smallest half of a giant star. And then it would have exploded again.

Fluttershy was as scared as can be, flying around and trying to be helpful. She… wasn’t. Everything was changing so fast that the poor thing was lost. She was doing her best, though. Ignoring the fear and flying almost as fast as Rainbow Dash, and trying to attack Discord.

Rarity was on the ground, doing mostly the same as Fluttershy but with magic: dodging as best as she could and hitting with a marvelous and elegant ray every Discord she could see. She was, let’s put it this way, trying very hard.

The canon pair was running around, and they were acting as the principal defense of the group. You have to admit it: even though “everypony, attack” wasn’t the best strategy of the book, everybody was doing his best at the position in which he was most helpful. Canon-Twilight and Canon-Pinkie were running doing apparently nothing, but Twilight noticed soon that the chaos was a little weaker around them. The others soon realized this too, because when they were by their side they suddenly knew what was up and what was down. And Discord never appeared near them, while the rest of the space was filled with Discords attacking and doing shit.

Rainbow Dash was doing way better than her pegasus friend at attacking while flying. Being the fastest one, she was also in more than one place at once, or at least that’s what it seemed. Although her fur was shining with a purple light, her rainbow-colored trail was as colorful as ever, and the only thing that seemed more or less harmonic in that huge entropic space. She was charging against every Discord she could see... And her sight was insanely good, developed by years of looking at the world while traveling at the speed of sound, so she was able to detect every single Discord the exact moment they appeared. She kicked, bit, punched, she did everything she could, using her entire body as a weapon. More than once she just tackled Discord, launching herself like a rocket. And it actually worked! At least ten percent of the little bruises that Discord had were because of Dash’s attacks. The pegasus was injured too, or course –the draconequus’ horns were very pointy, and she was not made of iron. But it didn’t matter –she was still fighting.

About Pinakema, she was the only true warrior of the entire group, the only one used to fight –and kill- enemies, and actually a villain, not a hero. And boy it showed up. She was using her trusty knife, trapped between her teeth, and the weapon moved so fast that you couldn’t see anything but a silver light anytime she used it. She was not as fast as Dash, of course, but it’s not like she needed it.

It seemed like she could predict where Discord was going to appear next time. Where Dash used her sight, Pinkamena used her instinct. She just felt every single Discord, and jumped to the nearest. Rocks, fire, blades, rays –none of Discord’s attacks could hit her. Dodging just came naturally to her. Discord had received more than a couple of wounds from Pinkamena. Even Chrysalis’ corpse, lying on the ‘ground’, had received more than one stabbing from the pink pony.

But, of course, she was not the best one at fighting Discord. She was pretty good, but if you can’t already foresee who was the only pony able to match Discord in a fight, then you haven’t read this story and don’t know your ponies.

Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie. Pie.

How to describe what was Pinkie Pie doing?

Author’s notes:

Okay, I guess that this is important, so the info dump is finished. Finally. That’s been the most boring fight scene I’ve ever read.

Hey, I like it! It shows what’s happening and it’s useful!

It’s not a battle scene, Louis. It’s an explanation. The term ‘info dump’ is mostly correct, because I’m not telling the…

Author’s notes:

Yeah, yeah, I don’t care. So, go on.

You were talking about me!

Hmm. Mostly. I was going to say that you’re insanely overpowered here.

Author’s notes:

What?

You see, in the show Discord could only be defeated by the Elements of Harmony. If you or Rainbow Dash or Twilight tried to simply attack him, you’ll end… well, you wouldn’t end well. But here? Suddenly you need to fight Discord hand-to-hand because he has destroyed the Elements and you can match him? He’s a god, Pinkie. You’re clearly overpowered.

Author’s notes:

Oooh. That’s because I can break the fourth wall?

Mostly, yeah. And, just to remind you of it, that’s an ability that you don’t have in the show. Twilight’s also crazy overpowered here. I mean, really? She’s controlling every single atom? Don’t you have any sense of scale? That’s just crazy. There are more atoms in a glass of water than stars in…

Author’s notes:

Hey, hey, hey. Aragón. Look, I know you’re an author too and you think you’re far better than me, but shut the fuck up. It’s my story; I do what I want with it, and you’re just a character of mine. I knew you had to stay in the Void for a little more time.

I’m not arguing with that, of course. But dude, anyone can see that your favorite characters are Pinkie and Twilight. I mean, everything good that happens is done by Pinkamena, Twilight or that crazy party mare you have by your side. And let’s not talk about canon-two, please.

Author’s notes:

Aaaw, I’m your favorite? That’s sweet! Come here and hug me!

Eh, no.

So yeah, first Twilight is like almost as powerful as Discord, and now Pinkie’s… well, doing what she’s doing.

Author’s notes:

…Sigh. Just narrate, okay? This battle scene is too long already, let’s finish it as soon as possible.

Yeah!

Meh. Okay, where was I? Oh, right…

Pinkie Pie. Where do I begin? Discord was in more than one place at once. Rainbow Dash was moving so fast she seemed to be in more than one place at once. Pinkamena was dancing with Discord, although that dance meant a knife, blood and an the ultimate proof that an earth pink pony with a pointy stick can be far more badass than your present, past or future self. But Pinkie was different.

You could see her in more than one place at the same time, that’s for starters. But it’s not like she had cloned herself or that she could travel faster than the eye. No, it was different.

She was breaking the fourth wall. Hard. Harder than ever. So when Discord launched a rock to her, she just looked at that sentence and rearranged the letters so it read that a cockroach shrouded tendril, which was fairly interesting and mysterious (where had that cockroach been all this time?) but mostly harmless. And no, that didn’t make any sense.

If she was facing a Discord and the draconequuus just teleported himself a couple meters to the right so he could attack her with a ball of lava, she just read the entire sentence to know that Discord was going to teleport himself to her right and attack her with a ball of lava. She also read that she was reading that Discord was going to teleport himself and attack her, so she knew that she knew what was going to happen. So she just looked at her right and rearranged the letters of ‘Discord attacked her with a ball of lava’ so it read something like ‘Discord a balaclava flaked thither tow’, which didn’t make any sense so nothing really happened. But of course, Pinkie had already read that she was rearranging the fucking sentence, or that she was going to do it, so knowing that she didn’t have to worry about that (because she was dealing with that Discord at the right moment, or she was going to, and if there’s somebody you can trust it’s Pinkie Pie), so she just went to her left so she could face an entirely different Discord. And then everything started again… but of course, it happened twice because the Pinkie who faced the Discord who attacked with a ball of lava also read that sentence, and once that confrontation ended she just read the next paragraph to know what was going to happen, and while she was doing it she also read that she was doing it, so the entire cycle started again.

Author’s note:

…
What the f…?

Yeah, in the end this means that Pinkie knew the immediate future and could be in more than just one place at once because she was mercilessly beating the fourth wall and the common sense. Just… just think that. Just one Pinkie, but she was bonding that little thing named “causality” that our Universe loves so much, so she could predict the effects before the initial process even began. So, just one Pinkie, but she was… bonding the universe so it allowed her to be in more than one place at once. Yeah, more or less, that’s what was happening.

Author’s notes:

How many times have you repeated “in more than one place at once”?

I lost count. What’s important is that you’re fucking crazy and fucking overpowered, so Discord was having a hard time trying to match you.

Author’s notes:

So they were winning?

Yes. Pinkie Pie was the responsible, of course. She didn’t attack Discord on a very straightforward manner, but she was rearranging chaos to make it even more chaotic, and I guess that everybody knows by now that making sense by not making sense hurts Discord pretty badly, so…

Author’s notes:

I love how we’re alienating every single reader in existence. I highly doubt anybody is going to understand that.

I do!

That doesn’t count.

No, it’s easy! I’m doing things that are so weird that even Discord can’t comprehend them! And, as he’s the god of weird things, he’s hurt, because he’s supposed to comprehend everything!

…

…

Author’s notes:

That… well, that’s a different way to say it.

I guess we can go with it. Discord was pretty hurt by your crazy antics, Pinkie. And that plus Pinkamena’s knife plus Rainbow Dash’s hits plus Fluttershy and Rarity… well, the draconequus wasn’t exactly having his best time.

Author’s notes:

So we win! HAH! I knew that bringing you here was a good idea, Aragón!

Eeeh, I won’t be so happy yet.

Why?

Because we’re not the only ones who have understood how the fight was going. Discord can break the fourth wall too, remember?

Author’s notes:

…
Uh-oh.

Uh-oh indeed. Discord read everything I’ve written and realized that he couldn’t win if you were together.

So he stopped the chaos suddenly, breaking Twilight’s balance for a moment and letting Rainbow Dash, Pinkamena, Rarity, Fluttershy and you hit him with all your strength. That almost kills him.

But Twilight wasn’t protecting you anymore, so he could use another spell, the most dangerous one he knew.

Discord splIt the party again.

***
***
***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

Ugh! G-Gggggh…

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

Ah? WHAT? NO, NOT AGAIN!

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

Agh! Uh-what? Oh, no… Girls?! Girls, are you there?! Spike?! Peewee?!

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

…
G-girls?

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

Huh? My boutique? What’s happening? Girls?

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

…No, no, NO, NO! GODDAMNIT I WAS HAVING FUN!

***

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Bzeeeeeep*

*Thump*

*Thump*

Aw! My head!

SPIKE, YOU OKAY?

Yes, yes, don’t… eh. Peewee?

YES?

Where are we? Where are the girls?

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE GIRLS ARE GONE. AND I’M AFRAID THAT WE’RE IN PONY HELL.

Aw.

***

*Bzeeeeeep*

Hey!

***

W-what has… I’m… home?

No, you’re not. And you’ll never be.

Discord. You’ve done it again? Everyone is…?

They’re all alone, like you. And you all are going to die. Because I’m tired of you, and now it’s time to end the game, Twilight Sparkle.

The… game?!

Don’t think even for a second that I’ve been taking you seriously. Until now, I’ve been merely playing with you. But now? Now It’s done. I have you and I have your friends. And you all are going to die.

You must be kidding me…

No, I’m not. And do you know what? I’m not just going to kill you. I’m going to make you suffer.
Because I want you to remember, every time you hear a friend of ours screaming in agony, every time you feel a pain far more powerful than you can even imagine… I want you to remember that everything was your fault.

…

Because you could have ended everything. You had me at your mercy, Twilight Sparkle, I was frozen, and you could have killed me with such an effortless spell. But you didn’t. You hesitated. You failed. And now, I’m free and angrier than ever, and I’m going to make you pay…

And everything was your fault.

***

You really think that your stupid lectures are gonna work?!

No. No, I’m not. You don’t understand what’s happening, Rainbow Dash. This is not a lecture. This is not a game. This is not a warning. This is just the truth.

You’ve been a pawn of mine all this time. You’ve fallen in love with a friend of yours and that has only brought misery, even forcing your friends to use you as a pawn for their benefit, because you were too stupid to even understand this world. You could have stopped all this from the beginning. You were on the first chapter, and didn’t notice absolutely anything. Even Applejack knows better than you.

No…

All this time defeated, all this time being used, being a waste of time and space. The group needed intelligence, and you failed at bringing some kind of thought to your friends. In this world, you need to plan absolutely every move, and you’re unable to do such a thing. You’re the worst of your group, doing things without even knowing what was happening. So I want you to remember something:

Everything is your fault.

***

If you don’t believe me, then attack me. Try it. You won’t hurt me, you won’t touch me. Together you may be strong. But alone, you’re weak.

Heh! I can see you bleed, Discord. You aren’t scary! I swore once that I’ll be the one who’ll kill you!

And yet, you were against killing me when I was unable to defend myself. You completely destroyed your friends’ plans, right? You were the first one in saying that you couldn’t kill me. You’re all words, Applejack, but you can do nothing in reality.

Now, mind games again?!

This is not a mind game, Applejack, and you know it. Used as a pawn all this time, even when we were fighting you didn’t dare to attack me, defending Twilight instead. You’re a coward and you know it. And your cowardice has doomed all of you.
And now, you can do nothing but wait and remember, Applejack. Remember that everything is your fault.

Everything is your fault.

***

You’re the reason why I’m here. You thought that you had defeated me. And you actually had a possibility to end all this once and for all. But you couldn’t.

…W-we… It wasn’t a good thing to do… If we had attacked you, then…

Then you would have won.

…no.
We wouldn’t have been better than you, Discord.

And that’s why you’re all going to suffer. But even without becoming like me, Fluttershy, you could have done something. You were the only able to hurt me for a long, long time. And what did you do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You had a chance of saving them all… and you did nothing.

Everything is your fault.

***

You’re trying to scare us? To lecture us? We’ve defeated you, Discord. Twice. That’s the reason why we are talking right now, that’s the reason why you have split the group again. Because you’re afraid of us. You know we can kill you.

No, Pinkamena. That’s not true. Do you want to know why am I telling you this? Because I’m tired of lectures. I’m tired of games, words or fights.

So? You’re going to kill us?

That would be too simple. I’m going to make you suffer. And I want you to remember this, I want you to remember my words every time you hear a friend of yours screaming in agony, every time you feel the pain that I’m going to bring you…

You’re the reason why this is happening. You’re the cancer of your group. You’re the element that can’t be used, a bomb ready to explode, a pony who’s going to kill her friends soon or later. You could have saved them a long time ago. But you didn’t. And you planned to kill me, using your sick logic, without realizing that your companions were better than you. You planned my death in such a way that it couldn’t have worked, ever. And that’s the reason why I’m here now.

Everything is your fault.

***

You did all this.

…

You’re the one who needed to be saved. You’re the one who was frozen when absolutely everypony else was doing fine. You’ve been nothing but a load, a burden. I’m free now because you’re so useless, even your friends used you as a pawn.

I know my friends would never think such a thing, Discord. Maybe you are not aware of what friendship means exactly, but they sure do.

And yet, you know I’m right. Everything is your fault.

***

And you were the one who created me. You wanted to write a story, but being a fictional character yourself, your reality mixed with the world you’ve wrote about. And that meant that I appeared in this world being far higher than anybody else.

IT’S NOT LIKE WE COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING.

The story was written that way. If the author wanted me to write, then…

Everything happened because of your stupidity, Spike the Dragon. I want you to remember that. You created me, you created this world. You brought calamity to your friends and earned endless pain to your bird.

Everything is your fault.

***

You… You’re the one who destroyed it all. You knew what was happening from the beginning. You had the power to help your friends in more than just one way. You could have solved everything so long ago.

…

You could have defeated me at any moment. You could have explained what was happening to your friends. You could have taken this seriously. But you didn’t. You wanted to have fun, you thought only about yourself. And when your friends needed you the most, you were too busy crying over the death you had caused to help them.

…

And when you finally came around, what did you do? You destroyed every hope your friends had. Now it’s impossible for you to win.

Everything is your fault.

***

You could have ended it all…

…

***

…but you didn’t.

…

***

And now I’m free..

…

***

…now I’m furious…

…

***

…now the game has ended.

…

***

And everything that has happened…

…

…

***

And everything that will happen…

…

***

…is your fault.

…

…

Pffft.

Author’s notes:

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

…
What the…?

PFFFT-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AH-H-HAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!

YOU DARE TO LAUGH?!

AHAHAHAHAHAAH! O-OH MY SIDES! G-girls, you need to see this! You-wait, I’ll bring you here…

WHAT?!

Author’s notes:

What are you…?

Hold on… I take this word and I put it here and… there! Ahem:

*Bring the girls (and Spike and Peewee) to Canterlot Castle!*

*Poof!*

WHAT?!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Pinkie! D-don’t laugh! That’s just… mean…

Heheheheheh.

…

I CAN’T HELP IT! H-HE ACTUALL-AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Pfffteeh-heh-heh. Okay, I have to admit it, it’s funny.

Well, I don’t see the fun anywhere! This is serious, girls!

Yeah, whatever.

Heh.

HOW DO YOU DARE TO…?!

Dude, cut out the “do you dare” drama, okay? It’s doing nothing but causing Pinkie to laugh her lungs off.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

YOU DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT ARE YOU…!

I’m afraid we knew exactly what’s happening, Discord. And, you know, you’re pathetic.

WHAT?!

Darling, I’m afraid that if you feel the urge to run away and split us in groups, covered in wounds, you’re not in the best position to boast. And, please, “everything is your fault?”

We’ve seen you do that trick a thousand times before, Discord. We weren’t falling for it.

And, well, we already know that you can do whatever you want, because Pinkamena and Twilight are going to come up with a plan that’s going to torn you to pieces. Again. So, you’re not such a menace anymore, you know. And when you’re going back to your old tricks…

*BAOUM!*

Woah!

Aaaaah!

Unf!

Ick!

…

…STOP WITH THE EXPLOSIONS!

Hold on, I’ll raise a shield! He’s weakened, I’m sure he won’t break it!

*SHING*

There it is, now he can do nothing. And… you know… Pinkamena, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. You see, when Aragón talked to me a while back, in the Void, he gave me a book…

***

***

And I’m back in the Void again, and finally the OC’s have dispersed a little and I can reach the exit, which is a ladder made of frosting that some reader brought here a long time ago.

I touch the ladder and see the way I’m returning, and I hit my forehead with my hand so hard that I actually hurt myself. Because although I know everything when I’m in the Void, sometimes his antics surprise me.

“Oh, come on,” I said. “Really? You sure love those two, Louis.”

And I exit the Void…

***

Twilight?

You see, it’s easy to see that our author is not very bright. In fact, I think we all agree in that he’s a little bit stupid.

Hmm.

*BAOUM!*

Well, the book Aragón gave me was no other than our story. “Thesuperfantasticalstory”, it’s called. And, you know what? There’s a lot of stuff that’s not explained, and some things that are just weird. Like a cat-spider who appeared and then just disappeared, or a lot of cake metaphors that don’t really mean anything. Or Gummy, who suddenly disappeared too. Or my maid dress, for Celestia’s sake!

Um?

You know, usually when a writer puts a little detail like these it’s because he wants to use them later. In literature, that’s called a ‘Chekhov’s gun’, a seemingly unimportant event that will show its importance at the end of the story.

Ooh.

Our author has been making mistakes all this time, letting a lot of questions unanswered… but, and that’s an odd thing, he’s been getting better. As the story goes, the mistakes are fewer, and the old mistakes just are erased or we never heard of them anymore. Again, I’m talking about the spider kitten and Gummy.

So our author started being bad and now he’s good?

Not exactly. He started being bad, and now he’s better. But he’s still pretty bad, or so I guess.

And obviously, you’re telling us this because…?

*BOOOM!*

I’m telling you this because, well, all the little mistakes had been erased but one. One huge mistake that makes no sense.

***

***

You see, I guess we all know by now that this story is not in a book, but on the Internet, right?

I… guess?

Well, when you post a story on the Internet, you have to tag it. And this story is tagged as “comedy” and “random” on a site that’s about ponies entirely…

So… Wait a minute…

You see it?

…Yes.

I’m afraid that I can’t, Discord!
You see, although our author is a little better now, he’s still one of the worst writers in existence. And there’s a funny thing about bad writers: they all make the same mistake over and over again. They always write the same kind of character…

***

…And as I exit the Void, their two bodies meet…

***

….And I recover my new body.

***

…They’re called ‘Mary Sues’, and they’re insanely powerful and perfect and they can defeat absolutely any kind of enemy. In a story about ponies, for example, a Mary Sue is almost always an original character that’s also an alicorn…

*BAOUM!*

*CLANG!*

…Hello once again, ladies. It’s been a while.

ARAGÓN! YOU’RE BACK!

Huh?

Oh.

Sorry, you’re a little late! So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to…

WAIT A MINUTE. DON’T TELL ME THAT HE’S…

Yes. He’s the Mary Sue. Because, Peewee, although Aragón may seem human…

…CHANGE!

There’s no ‘human’ tag in this story.

B-but…! That doesn’t make any sense!

Exactly.

Nah, I think that the one who’s going down is you, Discord. Because, well, now I’m invincible and I think we’ve had enough evil dudes for a while, right?

Yes. That’s how your life ends, Discord. Killed by an alicorn. I guess you can’t go better than this.

*CRACK!*