Oh! Let's Write a fanfic, let's write a fanfic! I'll call it 'Thesuperfantasticalstory'!
by Aragon
First published
Pinkie, what are you exactly doing here? You're a character, you can't talk to the author!
Ok, let's start with the fanfic. It was a beautiful day in Ponyv...
Eh...
Why is a pink pony looking at me from outside the window?
First, the fic was edited by Mikomouse. Then, The REAL Princess Luna followed her and helped me with this, and then came Agonist Agent. Ten thousand million thanks to all of them!
Rated "teen" for language.
First chapter! First chapter!
…Sorry, but I think the title is not very...
Yes?
I'm not sure... It's a little odd...
I like it!
Well, ok. Let’s go with that.
Uh, but… Pinkie, I’m not really sure about this… No, no, please be quiet and listen. This can’t end well, you know…
Oh, but it’ll be fun! Writing a fanfic sounds like a very good idea, Aragón! You really are smart!
Uh… thanks, I suppose. But, the thing is, why are you here?
Because I want to help you, of course!
No, no… I mean, how are you here?
What do you mean?
You’re a character from the show.
Uh-huh.
Aaand you’re in front of me. Talking to me.
Yes.
About writing a fanfic about your own show.
Exactly! Because it’ll be fun!
You know... You shouldn’t even exist here. This is the real world, I’m a fanfic author, you’re a pink pony who isn’t real…
But I thought that it would be fun, so I came here!
Yeah. And how did you do that? I mean, the fourth wall…
What’s the fourth wall?
The thing you just broke. In fact, I think that the fourth wall has been destroyed since the very beginning of this fanfic.
Oh.
Is that a bad thing?
…I’m not really sure. And being you, I think it’s pretty normal. But, how are you here? It’s not scientifically possible…
I just came here. I already told you.
…U-huh. Look, just… just let’s ignore the ‘breaking the reality’ thing for now, ok? You’re just being Pinkie Pie.
Of course I’m being Pinkie Pie, silly! You say a lot of weird things, you know?
And you’re the one telling me that? Bah.
Then, when do we start?
Right now, I suppose. There’s nothing more to do.
Ok! Wanna go first?
I’m the author, so yes. And I have a very good idea…
***
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and Applejack was bucking some apples in her farm. Sweat covered the little pony’s body, and the smell of…
Applejack is not a ‘little pony’. She is as tall as I am!
It’s just a joke. I know she isn’t small, but…
A joke? Uh, I love jokes! But I don’t think I get it.
Eh… well, the show is called ‘My Little Pony’.
Uh-huh.
And… eh… well, that’s all. I just said the show’s title. That’s the joke.
…
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
That’s a joke?
I… ok, I’m not very funny, I’m sorry. Just ignore it. Like I was saying…
Sweat covered the orange pony’s body…
Are you happy now?
Yes!
…and the smell of apples filled the air. Applejack kicked the apple tree one final time, and, after watching all the apples fall in the baskets she had put on the ground, she smiled and closed her eyes. ‘Well, that’s all for today,’ she said. ‘Now…’
‘My, my, my. Do my eyes deceive me or is Applejack smiling at something that isn’t me?’
The earth pony turned around, surprised by the voice that had surprised her…
You’ve said ‘surprised’ twice.
Uh, sorry. Eh…
…surprised by the voice that had sounded behind her. Then, she smiled again and blinked coquettishly. ‘Oh, Rainbow… glad to see you here…’
The blue pegasus laughed at the sight of Applejack smiling. Then, without saying a word, Rainbow Dash approached Applejack, closed her eyes and kissed her passionately…
Hey!
What? Did I misspell something?
That…! That…! What the hay are you writing?
Eh? A fanfic.
But. but that’s not true! Rainbow and Applejack don’t kiss each other! And they don’t act like this!
Well, it’s a fanfic, and I’m writing it, so I can do whatever I want.
Then they’re not Rainbow and Applejack! Why are they kissing?
Because I’m an AppleDash shipper, so they love each other!
Of course they love each other… but it’s not that kind of love!
Look, Pinkie, I’m the author. So, the fic is going to be a romantic fanfic. Just let me write and everything will be fine.
But…
No complaints. You’ve broken the status quo of reality, so you owe me one.
Why?
Eh… Let's continue with the fanfic!
But…!
Applejack and Rainbow kissed each other. It was a long kiss, and the earth pony felt like all her exhaustion had disappeared. In her heart there was only happiness.
‘Oh, Rainbow’ she said. ‘I love y… Hey! Don’t make me say things like that!’
Eh?!
‘And please, keep the kisses away.’ Rainbow frowned. ‘You know, I don’t like doing things like that, I’m not that kind of mare. No offense, AJ.’
‘None taken.’
No, no, wait. Why are you talking? And, most importantly, why aren’t you making out?
I’ve already told you! They don’t love each other like… kiss-love! They’re friends!
But it’s my fanfic, so…
‘And it’s my tongue, so please stop doing such things.’ Applejack rolled her eyes. ‘Or I’ll make you stop the hard way.’
Oh, great. I think I understand. You two are breaking the fourth wall too, right?
‘What’s the fourth wall?’ asked Rainbow.
Uh, I think you’re wrong, Aragón. You said before that I broke the wall at the beginning.
No, the fourth wall can be broken more than once, that’s not an error. But that’s not important.
‘It’s not important?’ Applejack spat covertly, trying to eliminate Rainbow Dash’s flavor from her mouth. ‘Well, thank Celestia. I don’t like breaking things when I don’t know what they are.’
No, the important thing is WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DISOBEYING MY ORDERS?!!!
‘And why should we obey you?’ Rainbow frowned again. ‘What are you? A god or something?’
YES!! BECAUSE I’M THE AUTHOR!!
You like repeating those words, right? Am I the author too?
‘Hey, why is Pinkie talking like that?’ asked then Applejack. ‘And where is she?’
I’m with Aragón! I can see you pretty well from here!
‘You’re with the guy who is writing this?’ The blue pegasus shook her head. ‘You’re pretty unlucky. Be careful, he could be dangerous. I mean, he forced me to kiss Applejack.’
Being insulted by a character whose lines I’m actually writing is not pleasant, you know.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. ‘I don’t need to be nice to you.’
Oh, please, stop arguing. Aragón is not a bad pony, he’s just… a little weird. But I’m sure he won’t hurt me...
I like the show, so I’m not hurting anypony. By the way, I’m human, but that doesn’t matter…
‘Hey, Lyra would be happy to meet you then.’
‘AJ, why are you talking like that?’ asked Rainbow. ‘You know, you're using fancy words and all that stuff.’
Eh… sorry about that, I just don’t know how to write Applejack’s accent.
Hey! you’re not a pony?
‘I’m talking without an accent?’
Eh...
'Wow. You're writing a fanfic and you don't know how to make AJ talk? You're not very smart, are you?'
Don't be such a meanie, Rainbow! I'm sure it's not his fault!
Girls...
'Well, I don't see the difference, I suppose I can't hear myself very well.’
.
Girls! please, could you stop, please? You know, I’m trying to write a fanfic, so if you don’t mind…
You’ve said ‘please’ twice.
Oh. Eh... thanks. Like I was saying: Could you…?
‘Only if you don’t make us kiss again,’ replied the blue pegasus. ‘That would be gross’.
‘I agree with Rainbow.’
But this is a shipping fanfic! And I’m an AppleDash shipper!
'Yeah, but we don't like that. So, stop.'
Yes, kissing-stories are not very good when the characters are my friends.
But the plot was good...
'The plot?'
You know, the story. Basically, you and Rainbow kiss each other until... you do something more... private.
Private?
Eh... adult things.
...
'...'
'...'
‘AJ, I’m outta here. I don’t like this guy.’
‘Me neither.’ Applejack shook her head and looked to Rainbow. ‘Let’s go. See you later, Pinkie.’
‘Yeah, see you later.’
Goodbye, girls!
Hey! HEY! You can’t leave me alone! I’M THE AUTHOR!! TURN BACK!!!
They’re gone.
…
Aragón?
…
Are you okay?
You know? I think I have a theory about what’s going on here. You broke the reality, so now the characters of the fanfic are alive.
Of course they’re alive! They’re my friends!
…Yeah. Well, I don’t mind if Applejack and Rainbow Dash leave. I’m not giving up. I’ll write a fanfic, or I’ll die trying!
That’s the spirit!
Yeah!
…
…
So… what are we gonna do now?
We’re going to Twilight’s house! If I can’t write a shipping fic, then I’ll write an adventure fic!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Uh! The second chapter! This calls for a PARTY!!!
Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. An adventure fic, with Twilight as the protagonist. And maybe I could include some shipping…
It’s going to be a naval adventure? I love the sea!
Oh, no, no. I’m not talking about those ships. I’m talking about… about…
Eh, wait. Maybe it’s better if you didn’t know, judging by how you reacted before.
Huh?
Nah, nothing important. Now, let’s start the fic, quick. And this time, don’t break the fourth…
Hey! Look, Aragón, we have comments! There are ponies reading about us!
…aaaand forget what I was saying. Yeah, we have comments, that’s a good thing.
And some of them had favourited our story. Gold stars… a lot of staaaaaars…
…Oh, and by the way, you just BROKE THE FRIGGIN FOURTH WALL AGAIN!! You shouldn’t talk about those things here!!
But that doesn’t matter. Really. Just, please, be quiet and let me write in peace…
They say that we’re funny!
U-huh. Like I was saying…
Oh! Gummy! Look, it’s Gummy, he’s in the computer! Hello Gummy!
Pinkie, that’s just a picture in a comment. It’s not your pet…
Don’t be silly! I’ve been with Gummy since he was an egg, I can differentiate him from a picture! Gummy, it’s me, Pinkie!
Look, I know you’re a pony, and you don’t have Internet in Sugarcube Corner, and I’m sure the physics is not something you really obey, but there are things that are just… impossible.
But I know he’s Gummy. And he’s saying ‘awesome’! I didn’t know he could talk!
For Celestias’ sake, he’s an alligator! I don’t know if alligators talk in Equestria, but they can’t in the real world. And your pet can’t be on my computer. He wouldn’t fit. And the word ‘awesome’ is written under him, he’s not talking.
Say hello to Pinkie, Gummy! Heeeeeelloooooo!
Could you please listen to me? I’m saying that HOLY SH*beeeep*T THAT THING JUST MOVED!!!!!
Gummy! I knew you could hear us! Hello!
OH MY GOD!! THE PICTURE IS ALIVE?!! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!
Awww… Isn’t he cute? Look! He’s trying to come with us!
YOU JUST BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AFTER BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!! TWICE!!! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!!
Gummy, go home, Pinkie is busy here! It’s time for you to sleep!
COULD YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO ME?! PLEASE?!!
All right. Good boy, Gummy! Goodbye!
AND WHERE DID HE GO NOW?!! TO MY CELL?!! TO MY FRIDGE?!! TO MY MICROWAVE OVEN?!!!
What’s a microwave oven? Can you bake a pie in it? Hey! Do you want to bake a pie?
THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT!!! YOU JUST BROKE REALLITY!!! AGAIN!!! AND WHERE IS YOUR ALLIGATOR NOW?!!!
Why are you shouting?
DON’T GET SIDETRACKED!!!
Oh, I think I understand! This is a shouting contest!
I’VE SAID THAT…!!!
Then I’ll win!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
…
…
…Who said that?
I don’t know. Gummy? You know he can talk now!
…
…Ok, my brain just explode.
***
Well, do you understand me? Have you memorized it all?
Yeah! I have photographic memory!
U-huh. Sure.
Eeyup! You said that I can break reality and you understand it, but you don’t want to have a heart attack so I have to keep my powers under control! And you said that my friends being alive is weird, but seeing an imaginary alligator moving is worse than being insulted by two cream-colored ponies whose lines you are writing!
It’s unbelievable how stupid that sounds to me.
But I don’t have any powers! I’m not an unicorn, I’m an earth pony!
You’re a pink pony. A pink talking pony who can escape from an imaginary world and annoy me when I write a fanfic about your friends. And you don’t have any f*beeeep*cking powers?
Well… I have my Pinkie sense.
Look… I understand that thing you did with Applejack and Rainbow. You don’t like them kissing, so you gave them life. Ok. And you wanted to see Gummy, so that picture became a living being. Cool. But, don’t do anything like that again. Please.
Oki doki loki!
…Sigh. Why is it that I think you’ll just do it again?
Hey, we wrote six hundred and seventeen words! And we haven’t even started the fanfic!
D*beeeep*mn! How many fourth wall levels are you gonna break?
You like the words ‘fourth wall’, right? And, what was that ‘beep’ sound? Where did it come from?
…
Aragón?
…
Aragón? Are you okay? Hey, do you want to do another shouting contest? AAAAAAAAAH!!
STOP!!! No, no, I’m fine, I’m fine. Just… let’s just start the fanfic. Or I’ll lose my mind.
How can you lose it? It’s inside your head! Oh, wait a minute… humans can lose their mind? That’s awesome!
…I think I’m going to cry.
***
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the Sun was shining, and…
You’re beginning it like just like the other chapter.
Hmm… yeah. I think it’s a good way to start a fanfic. I mean, it’s perfect. I’m sure everypony agrees with me.
Ooooh…
…the Sun was shining and Twilight Sparkle was reading a book. A book she hadn’t read before. The purple unicorn was sweating, every inch of her brain concentrated on the labor. She didn’t even blink.
Why is she sweating too? Applejack was covered in sweat in the other chapter.
The other chapter was a failure, so I’m reusing the things that I liked from it.
You like the sweat? You’re weird.
Ha! That’s funny, because you’re THE WEIRDEST THING IN ALL OF EXISTENCE!!! Yet you say I’m the weird one?!
Eeyup.
Tch.
Twilight sighed and closed the book. Princess Celestia herself had sent the book to the library, asking her to read it. Sadly, it was a very boring thing to read.
‘I’ve read more than a thousand books in my life, and I swear that anyone of them was much more interesting that this… thing’, muttered. ‘Why did the Princess send it to me?’
Nopony answered the question.
‘Meh, I give up.' Twilight frowned and stood up from the chair. ‘There must be something more important to do than reading a boring book.'
Twilight wouldn’t say anything like that. She loves books! And she would never disobey the Princess!
I’m the author, I decide what happens. And this is only the introduction, so don’t be so picky.
Twilight sighed again and looked at the window. Spike wasn’t there, he was with Rarity at the Carrousel Boutique. Being alone from the first time in weeks, the unicorn started to talk to herself.
‘The Princess is acting strangely.' She laughed. ‘I don’t like to say those things, but maybe Celestia is…’
Twilight didn’t finish the phrase. Even though she was alone, she felt the fear invading her. Princess Luna had disappeared since Nightmare Night, nopony had seen her after the celebration. The equestrians were frightened, really frightened.
It was something that everypony knew. Celestia was jealous of the popularity of her sister, and the possibility of the mighty alicorn killing her own sister wasn’t so…
‘HEY! DON’T YOU DARE TO SAY THOSE THINGS!!’ shouted Twilight.
Oh, no. No, no, please, no…
‘I was going to let you make anything you wanted, but you just can’t insult the Princess like that!’ Twilight snorted. ‘Apologize!’
You can’t be doing this…
‘Apologize!’
I think she’s right. The Princess is a good pony!
Why? Why, God, why? Sigh…
…I apologize, I apologize. I don’t think Celestia is a bad pony, I’m a big fan of the alicorn, etc.
‘That’s better.’
Now, can you answer a question? How the hell are you breaking the fourth wall too? You’re not Pinkie Pie!
Of course not! I’m Pinkie Pie. She’s Twilight, silly!
Yeah. Thanks for the information, Pinkie. I would have never realized that without your help.
You’re welcome.
‘The fourth wall is an inexistent thing here.’ Twilight raised her head, looking at the ceiling, trying to see Aragón and Pinkie. ‘Each one of us will obey you unless you try to make us to something completely out of character.'
Out of character? You can be out of your character?
‘It means that you don’t act like yourself, Pinkie. Where are you exactly?’
I’m with Aragón!
Wait, wait. What did you say? I can’t control you unless I make you act like yourselves? And when have I written something out of character?
‘I would never think about the Princess like that!’ Twilight frowned again. ‘That’s the reason why I’m talking directly to you!’
But “Princess Trollestia” is a very popular meme! It’s a must-be in every adventure fic!
Princess Celestia is a pony, not a troll. Trolls are mean.
No, no, I’m not talking about those trolls. I’m talking about the other trolls.
‘There are more than one kind of troll? I didn’t know that!’
There are trolls like the Princess? With wings and a horn?
…Wings? No, I think they’re just people who like to… That’s not important! I’m the author, I want Celestia to be the bad guy in this fanfic, and you must fight her, Twilight!
My, that’s horrible! That would be very sad!
‘I’d fight against the Princess!’ Twilight shook her head. ‘That’s exactly the reason why I’m disobeying you!’
Oh, great. Ok, then, don’t fight the Princess, I’ll change the plot. Just…
‘And allow me to say something: I’m afraid you are not a good writer, little pony.'
He’s not a pony, he’s a human! He has hands!
‘Really? Lyra would be happy to met him then.'
Excuse me? You’re saying at the guy who is writing your lines that he’s not a good writer? Really?
‘You made me say that I didn’t like a book, but you haven’t said anything about the book. And you seem incapable of making me act like I would every day. And why am I sweating? Reading makes you sweat? Have you ever read a book?’
Hey, Aragón, she has a point. You also used the same beginning for the first and second chapters…
‘This isn’t the first chapter?’ Twilight raised an eyebrow. ‘You’ve read it, Pinkie?’
Yeah!
‘And how was the beginning? Can you tell me?’
He has wrote that it was a beautiful day in Ponyville, the sky was blue and things like that.
‘How original!’ Twilight laughed. ‘You know, a story isn’t a weather report. There are more ways to begin…’
In which moment did you change from ‘adorable geek’ to ‘insufferable geek’ exactly?
Aragón! Don’t be impolite! Insulting other ponies is a very bad thing!
She insulted me first!
‘I’m just telling the truth!’ The purple unicorn started to walk in circles. ‘Your language is childlike, your narrative is full of holes, and judging by the “it’s a popular meme”, it seems that you have a lack of originality.'
You aren’t going to say anything, Pinkie?! She’s insulting me!
Eeeeh… I’m not sure. I think she just wants you to improve your writing.
‘Also, you can’t endure a bad review.' Twilight snorted again.
Those things aren’t true! I’ma good writer!
You misspelled that.
Ah. Sorry. I’m a good writer! Why are you saying those things? I thought you were a nice pony! I mean, you’re purple! Purple ponies are good ponies!
I’ve never heard that before! And how are the pink ponies? Funny?
Eh… it was a joke.
A joke?
Well… “purple” and “ponies”… both words start with a “p”, and… and… you’re looking at me like that again.
I don’t get it.
…sigh.
‘Also, your use of the characters is extremely inefficient!’
I’m not using the characters! You’re escaping my control!
‘Because you can’t write about us without screwing it up!’
…
Twilight, I think you should stop… He’s starting to cry…
I’m not crying! My eyes are sweating, that’s all!
Oh! Hey, that’s fun! Is that the reason why you like sweat?
‘For example…’ Twilight continued her review, without a hint of mercy. ‘For example, Pinkie Pie. Canonlly, she can’t break the fourth wall. All the things that are happening are your fault.’
Hell, stop! I only want to write an adventure fanfic, with you as the principal character! You’re mad at me or something? I’ve already apologized for insulting Celestia!
‘You’re crying. I can hear you crying from here.'
I’m not Crying! I’m, I’m… AAAAAAAAAGH!
…
‘…’
He ran away. I think you hurt his feelings, Twilight.
‘He insulted Celestia.’
***
Sob… I’m a good writer… stupid purple unicorn…
Hey, Aragón! Don’t be sad… Twilight is a good girl, she’s just angry because of all those bad things you said about the Princess…
Pinkie? How did you find me?
It’s easy. Can you see those three little star-like things? When they appear, the scenary changes! It’s very funny!
You know, you’ve broken the fourth wall so many times that it’s starting to become a habit.
But what is the fourth wall exactly?
…and you don’t even know about it, of course. Sigh.
Sorry…
Oh, don’t be sad. It’s just… a purple unicorn is capable of making me burst into tears. I’m not very proud of myself now, so I’m in a bad mood.
Oh, I know what will suit you then! A song!
NO! No, no, no. It’s very late, I have neighbors, I don’t feel like singing, and oh f*beeeep*ck you’re singing.
My name is Pinkie piiiie~ And I am here to saaaay~
You know? I think I’ll end here the chapter.
***
Or maybe... not?. No, it seems the chapter doesn’t want to end here.
The chapter itself is disobeying me? Really? Wow, that's depressing.
Hey, those little star-like things are back!
Yeah. And you’re not singing.
I finished! Did you like it?
…It was good. What do we do now? I don’t feel like talking to Twilight again. I don’t want to cry.
But we’re still doing the fanfic, right?
Of course… I mean, what else can I do? It’s personal. I’m going to show Twilight that I’m not a bad writer. Huh. But I have to admit one thing: I would like to write an adventure sooner or later. But not now.
Where can we go now?
I don’t know. What if we try at Rarity’s house? Maybe a little drama OH MY GOD IS THAT ALLIGATOR AGAIN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!
Oh, Gummy! You’re back!
Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird!
KEEP AWAY THAT ALLIGATOR! How the hell did it get here?! It was in the computer!
Gummy, I told you to go to bed. It’s too late for a baby like you to be awake!
You know, it would be nice if you would listen to me when I talk! What did I say about reality?!
Uhhhhmm… that I must not break it! And I didn’t!
Oh, of course you didn’t, of course… but, that leaves a small question: WHY IS AN ALLIGATOR IN MY HOUSE?!
It’s not “an alligator”! It’s Gummy!
***
Hey, the star-like things! That means that time has passed!
For Celestia's sake, stop doing that! You can't talk about everything that happens! It's not funny, it's boring!
But it's true! Every time that those things appear, time passes and the conversation changes!
I've said STOP! No more meta-stuff! We were talking about Gummy!
And speaking of him... The reptile has powers too? Is all Ponyville full of reality-warpers or something?
No, Ponyville is full of ponies. That’s the reason why it’s called “Ponyville”.
…
What?
Look, the alligator was a picture less than two hours ago. Why is it alive now?!
It was alive all the time!
Sigh… I think you can’t understand what I’m saying. You became real, even though you’re a cartoon pony, because… because yes. That’s the reason. But then, your friends became alive too, and now your pet?! That doesn’t make sense!
Why not? We’re all from Equestria, so we all can come here using the same way! Hey, Gummy, don’t bite Aragón!
Don’t worry, it’s not harmful. The thing is… Is…
Hell, I don’t know! You becoming a living being makes sense –I don’t know why, but it makes sense -, but Gummy appearing in my house just because you saw a picture in my computer is STUPID!
Why?
Because I say so! Because…! Because…
Hey, wait a minute. You are here, and you are a cartoon pony. If something like that seems normal to me, why does a magical baby alligator scare me?
I don’t know! But, you shouldn’t be afraid of Gummy. He has no teeth, see?
Yeah, I knew that. I watch the show, remember?
But that's not important... You know, it's weird. When I saw you outside the window I wasn't so surprised. I mean, I just thought “Hey, It's Pinkie Pie! Why is she in my house?” But Gummy isn't the same. I have a feeling... he shouldn't be here.
Oh, poor Gummy... He is a very good boy! He always helps me when I bake cupcakes!
One little question: why doesn't your alligator have any teeth?
Oh, because he’s only a baby. He’s a year old.
Alligators hatch with teeth.
Wait a minute... You have an alligator who helps you making cupcakes and, for whatever reason, he has no teeth? The implications are creepy...
But Gummy is not just “an alligator”! He’s Gummy!
Your explanations are just amazing, did you know? But yeah, I guess… maybe it’s not so strange. I mean, it’s… he’s a cartoon too. Lauren Faust just draw it like that.
Hey, I wonder if there's anypony else in the comments! Maybe we should…!
No.
Why not?
Because I say so. You can't read the comments again.
But it's fun! I like the comments!
Ok, first of all, you can't talk about the comments in the story, because that means that YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! Again! How many times have I said those words?
A lot!
...Yeah, you shouldn't be happy about that. Look, Pinkie, the comments can't be answered here. One comment must be answered with another comment.
U-huh. Then, let's talk about the comments in the comments! Hurry!
No! I'm the author, it's ME who talks to the readers!
I'm an author too!
No.
Yes!
No.
Yes!
No! You're a character who disobeys me, but you aren't writing anything!
Can I write something?
NO! Hell, even the gods would be frightened of that! You becoming the author?! Just staying by my side when I write is enough for you to destroy reality!
But... I want to write too...
I'm sorry, but no. Also, it's my computer. I'm the only one who can write in it.
Ooooh... then I can't write?
No.
Uuuh. Then, let's read the comments!
NO! I'VE SAID....!
Hey, look, more ponies! Hello, Twilight!
F*beeeeep*ck! To the Hell with that! You'll do it no matter what, so let's read the comments! Now Twilight is becoming alive too?
She is not amused.
...Yeah, I know. I think that it's related to the fact that I'm, in her opinion, “a bad writer”. Pfffft...
Maybe you should try to be better?
I'm already good! Listen, don't look at the picture, I don't want to talk with her. Let's read another com...
Hey! It's me!
DON'T LOOK AT IT!
Why?
SHE'S PINKAMENA!
Who?
YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! PLEASE, DON'T LOOK AT THE COMM-is that a horse holding a cat? Why is a horse holding a cat in the comments of my story?
Why wasn't he before? Cats are funny!
And weird. It's the most strange thing I've ever seen...
Oh, oh, oh! Aragón, it's you! You are in the comments!
What?
Look! Here, you're talking with Fluttershy!
I'm talking to Fluttershy? Where?
Here.
Hmm? Oh, no, he's another user. His name is “RatherHomely”, he's an author. Fluttershy is his avatar.
He's saying something about a story. What's a shenanigan?
I think it's something about red eyes and kaleidoscopes. But...
DON'T TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS HERE
Uoh!
Gah! Who said that?!
I didn't do it! The letters were underlined!
Who talks like that? Twilight has become alive? Pinkamena? The horse?! The cat?!
I don't think so! My friends always talk like 'hey Pinkie, you're really funny and your cupcakes are awesome', they can't speak in underlined!
Hey! Underlined guy! We can't see you! Who the hell are you?!
THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
You're shouting? Is he shouting?
No, I think the capitalized words are just saying that the voice is deep.
Like the Equestrian Voice of the Princess Luna?
Yeah.
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME. I'M NOT IMPORTANT. AND DON'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL LIKE THAT.
You're not important? You're a deep, underlined voice without body and you're in my house! Why are you in my house?!
Are you an alicorn, like the Princesses? An underlined alicorn?
OH, I KNOW! YOU'RE AN INVISIBLE ALICORN!!
STOP TALKING ABOUT ME. CONTINUE WITH THE STORY. YOU MUST WRITE ABOUT RARITY.
Hey, you can't talk me like that! I'm the author of the story! Where is my respect?!
Gummy, say hello to the invisible underlined alicorn!
STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL.
Heh. I've been saying that like, for hours. She's not going to obey you. By the way, are you really an alicorn?
Hey, invisible underlined alicorn! Do you know what a shenanigan is?
SOMETHING STRANGE, SOMETHING INSIDE ITSELF. IT DOESN'T MATTER. SHENANIGANS ARE IMPORTANT, BUT YOU MUST NOT KNOW ABOUT THEM.
I thought the shenanigan was that thing in the eyes of an Uchi...
SAY ANOTHER WORD AND YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.
What?!!! You're threatening me?! REPEAT THAT IF YOU'RE A MAN!! LET'S TALK WITH OUR FISTS!!
No! Don't fight! Fighting is not good! Fighting is bad!
YOU'RE STUPID. NOT ONLY ARE YOU A BAD WRITER, BUT YOUR BRAIN IS ALSO NOT WORKING WELL.
I'm a good writer!
Hey! Invisible underlined alicorn! Don't be meanie! You're making Aragón cry!
I'm not crying!
HE'S NOT CRYING. AND I'M NOT THREATENING HIM. I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE THINGS HE WAS... TALKING ABOUT.
And I am the one who doesn't know how to write? Your redundancy is... redundant!
YOU KNOW, THE HYPOCRITICAL HUMOR DOESN'T FIT YOU.
He can talk about everything! He's the author!
Yeah, Pinkie is right! I'm the author! And I'm not an hypocrite!
NO, YOU'RE JUST RETARDED. YOUR WORDS ALMOST BRING US DOOM.
Stop insulting Aragón! You can't be so...
***
...and that's the reason why I'm going to bake cupcakes right now! Don't fight, Pinkie will be here soon!
OK. REMEMBER TO CLOSE THE DOOR.
Oki doki loki!
Eh?! EH?! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! PINKIE!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
SHE'S GOING TO BAKE CUPCAKES.
What the hell?! Why are the asterisks right upon us?! I didn't call them! And we were talking about something important, the conversation can't end like that!
THE ASTERISKS ARE HERE BECAUSE I MADE THEM APPEAR. TIME HAS PASSED, PEOPLE FORGIVE AND FORGET.
You called the asterisks?! But, you can't do that! I'm the author, you're just... an invisible underlined alicorn! Pinkie, come back! Don't leave me alone with this weirdo! I don't want to cry again!
SHE'S JUST IN THE KITCHEN. I SENT HER THERE BECAUSE WE NEED TO TALK.
I don't want to talk with you! Hell, I don't even know who are you!!
I'M THE ONE AN ONLY. THE PAST, THE FUTURE AND THE PRESENT. I'M YOU AND I'M EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT YOU. I'M THE SOUL OF THE WORLD, THE MIND OF THE LIVING, THE BODY OF THE LAND. I'M YOUR DREAM, I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. I'M THE ONE WHO CONTROLS YOU, AND I'M THE ONE WHO IS CONTROLLED EVERY SECOND. FOR I AM THE ONE, AND YOU ARE THE OTHER.
…
DID YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
…
ARAGÓN?
...So you're something like a god?
I'M NOT A GOD, AND, AT THE SAME TIME, I AM ALL THE GODS IN ONE BODY.
...And you're invisible?
YOU CANNOT SEE ME, FOR I CANNOT SEE YOU. THE SIGHT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SENSE, AND IS THE LEAST. ONLY YOUR MIND IS WITH ME, SINCE WE ARE THE SAME AND EXTREMELY DIFFERENT.
I have the feeling that you're in the wrong story. This is not an epic drama. We're talking about cream-colored ponies, you know? Happy places, comedy...
I AM HERE BECAUSE I MUST BE HERE. WITHOUT ME, THE WORLD...
I think I'm going to take the easy way: you're an invisible underlined crazy alicorn. That explains a lot. Also, you're stupid.
YOU SHOULDN'T INSULT ME.
And you shouldn't have sent Pinkie to the kitchen! I don't know why you have that power, but don't use it!
I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS ANYMORE. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
Oh, of course. An emergency.
IT IS. YOU AND I MUST TALK, AND PINKIE PIE CAN'T HEAR US.
You're shouting. She's going to hear everything you say.
I'M NOT SHOUTING. YOU'VE SAID IT BEFORE: I HAVE A DEEP VOICE, THAT'S ALL.
U-huh. Sure. Listen, I don't like you, so...
YOU AND PINKIE HAVE BROKEN THE FOURTH WALL MANY TIMES, BUT THERE'S A LIMIT THAT YOU CAN'T PASS. IF YOU DO, THEN YOU'LL BE DOOMED.
...What?
I ONLY APPEAR WHEN THERE IS NOT OPTION. YOU WERE GOING TO TALK ABOUT A JAPANESE SHOW THAT PINKIE DOESN'T KNOW, AND THAT WOULD HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING.
Uh. What do you mean with that?
DON'T LET HER READ THE COMMENTS. IN RATHERHOMELY SLEEPS YOUR DEATH. IF YOUR PINKIE READS HIS STORY, THEN THE END OF THE WORDL AS YOU KNOW IT WILL BEGIN.
Hold on a minute! The end of the world? This is a comedy! I don't like breaking the fourth wall, but this is just stupid! We can't write a fanfic about the end of the world in a comedy!
JUST LISTEN TO ME. IT DOESN'T MATTER THE TAGS OF THE FANFIC, JUST LISTEN. IF PINKIE READS THE COMMENTS AGAIN, IF SHE READS ANOTHER STORY... BOOM.
But what the hell does boom means?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. AND, EVEN MORE IMPORTANT: RATHERHOMELY IS DANGEROUS. VERY DANGEROUS.
But why?! I've read his fanfis! He's a good writer!
I KNOW. CERTAINLY, HE'S BETTER THAN YOU.
...Well, maybe he's not that good.
IF PINKIE...
I'm here! I've baked the cupcakes!
Really? Those are the fastest cupcakes I've ever seen, then. Hey, invisible underlined alicorn! What were you saying?!
...
Invisible underlined alicorn?
I can see your underlined silence. We know you're here.
...
…
...
…
...
...
…
Why isn't he talking?
I don't know. Maybe he's stupider than I thought.
Huh... do you want a cupcake?
Sure!
***
Hey, the star-like things again!
That joke is getting old. Stop with it, please.
Joke?
Meh.
Hey, let's look the comments again! We didn't finish before!
Huh... I think...
Yes?
Pinkie, I think it's better not to read the comments.
Why? I like the comments!
Yeah, but... eh...
But the chapter has been too long and you haven't write anything about Rarity?
Eh... yes? Yes! Exactly! But stop breaking the fourth wall!
***
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the Sun was shining, and...
You're starting like that again?
It's a good way to begin a fanfic!
...and Carrousel Boutique was closed. Inside the store, Rarity, the most beautiful creature in Equestria, was crying.
Oh, poor Rarity!
The white pony was sad. Very, very sad. Her face was covered in tears, her four legs were trembling like jelly. Alone in the boutique, Rarity drowned in sorrow...
'It's horrible' said. 'It's the most horrible thing... I can't...'
But Rarity couldn't finish her phrase, because the door of her boutique suddenly opened...
Eh?
I thought the boutique was closed.
It was!
...and then, Applejack and Rainbow Dash entered the shop.
'Hey, Rar... Sugarcube! Why are you crying, dear?!'
Oh, no...
'Don't tell me that the retarded author is making you cry!' Rainbow dash frowned and looked at the sky. 'You! Are you there?!'
Yes, I'm there. WHY ARE YOU IN CARROUSEL BOUTIQUE?! YOU TWO RAN AWAY THREE HOURS AGO!!
'You're making Rarity cry!'
Yeah! Aragón, I don't want Rarity to be sad!
Oh, for Celestia's sake! I can't even try this time? You're escaping my control at the very beginning?
Hey, the chapter is almost finished!
What? No! No, it can't end here! We have a lot of things to do, a cliffhanger is stupid! I have to write the story about Rarity, and Rainbow and AJ are here without reason, and there are a lot of things that we have to explain, like the invisible underlined alicorn, and I DON'T LIKE CLIFFHANGERS!!! NO, WE CAN'T END HE
]
ICAN'TBELIEVEWE'REINTHEFOURTHCHAPTER!!
RE! IT’S JUST STUP-oh, wait, we’re in the fourth chapter. Ah, but that means that the cliffhanger happened! Aaaargh!
What’s a cliffhanger?
Gahhh… the thing we did in the third chapter. You know, an ending that doesn’t really end anything.
God, I fu*beeeep*ing hate cliffhangers. I mean, what’s the point? Why can’t you just end the chapter correctly? Explain everything, and then, you can say “hey, the chapter is finished”.
‘Wow. You’re bad, huh?’ Rainbow Dash laughed sardonically after hearing Aragón. ‘You can’t even make the chapters obey you. And you want us to follow your orders?’
‘Wait a minute, what does “sardonically” mean?’ Applejack, still hugging Rarity, raised her head. ‘And since when am I hugging Rarity?’
You’re hugging her because she’s sad! Please, Rarity, don’t be sad!
Applejack, you weren’t hugging Rarity in the third chapter?
‘No, I wasn’t. I’m pretty sure.' Applejack sighed and frowned again. ‘If you’re narrating what we do, at least be consequent with yourself–“consequent”?’
Uh, I think you’re not using the word right, AJ.
‘I didn’t mean to! I was just talking about how the author can’t remember the previous chapter correctly! I don’t know what “consequent” means!’
‘Then, why did you say it?’ Rainbow shook her head. ‘Look, I think we must go now, or the retarded author is going to start making things…’
I have a name, you know.
‘Yeah, yeah, sure. Rarity, you think you can walk?’
She can’t hear you. She’s still crying like a newborn.
Oooh, Rarity, stop crying! What’s wrong?
‘Yeah, what’s wrong, sugarcube? Are you hurt?’
Rarity sobbed and raised her head. Tears covered her face, and her eyes were filled with sadness. The sight of her friend in such condition warmed the hearts of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. ‘I… I don’t know! I’m just cry-y-y-iiiiiing! Aaaaaaaaah!’
‘Dear Celestia, that sounds awful.' Rainbow bit her own cheek. ‘The narration sucks. You’re sure you know how to write? Have you ever read a book?’
‘Rainbow, we have no time for this.' Applejack shook her head. ‘You’re right, we should go now. Listen, Rarity, you must calm down...’
‘But I can’t! I simply can’t stop cryiiiiiiiiiing!’
Aragón! What’s happening?!
Eeeeeeeeh… I’m not sure? I just started the fanfic with Rarity crying, so she’s… well, crying. Maybe she’s still under my control?
Under your control?
You know, like Applejack and Rainbow Dash when they kissed. She’s not breaking the fourth wall like you.
‘Then let her go!’ The orange pony stopped hugging Rarity -‘I wasn’t hugging her in the first place!’ -and looked at the roof of Carrousel Boutique with anger in her eyes. ‘Let her go, she must be free! Or at least, make her stop crying!’
Rainbow looked at her white friend. Rarity was still crying. ‘Do it!’ shouted the pegasus. ‘Do it NOW!’
Hey, hey. Listen, I’m trying to write a fanfic, ok? She’s not hurt, she’s just a liiiiiittle sad. So, maybe if you let me continue with the story, and the chapter doesn’t end here –and I can see that there are still a lot of words under this line so this is not going to happen –I can FINALLY write a real fanfic. Without fourth-wall breakers, without characters breaking free, without characters breaking reality, without characters breaking…
We’ve broke all those things?
‘Then, make Rarity happy or I’m going to break your bones!’ said Rainbow, still shouting.
Oh, of course. I’m suuuuuure you would, but, remember? You’re just a couple of words in my monitor, so –AUCH! MY HEAD!
‘That was just the beginning! Now make her happy!’
HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!
No! Don’t fight! I don’t want you to fight! And Rainbow, don’t hit Aragón! You might broke him!
‘Yeah, that was my intention. Now, retarded author, MAKE RARITY STOP CRYING!!’
Ok, ok, she’s not crying anymore! But, you know, now my head hurts! Who punched me?! I don’t like being p-AUCH! AGAIN!
Rainbow!
No, no, she can’t punch me! She’s not even a picture! Who did it?!
‘Of course it was me!’ Rainbow smiled. ‘You made Rarity cry, you are being punished! That’s how Ponyville works, author! Now, Rarity, AJ, let’s go…’
Invisible underlined alicorn! It’s you?! You have punched me?!
…
‘…’
‘…’
‘Did…? Did he just say “underlined invisible alicorn”?’
‘…I think he did.' Applejack raised an eyebrow. ‘Eh…’
‘Huh, maybe I hit him too hard?’
Oh, no, no. He’s right, there is an underlined invisible alicorn here. Long story.
‘…yeah. An alicorn? Like, Celestia or Luna? You have a Princess there?’
No, he’s a stallion! And he just punched me!
…
I CAN SEE YOUR UNDERLINED SILENCE, SO STOP HIDING!!
‘Hey, he’s right! I can see an underlined silence from here!’ Applejack opened her eyes. Then she sighed. ‘My eyes were closed before or what? What the hay are you writing?’
Maybe you were blinking! You blink everyday!
Invisible underlined alicorn! Talk, or I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do something bad!
‘Oh, wow. Stop saying those words, you’re scaring us.'
‘Rainbow…’
‘I mean, he’s going to do something bad! Run for the hills! He’s going to kill us all! UuuuuUUUuuuh!’
Oh, I’m not scared! He’s saying silly things, those words can’t scare a mouse! Well, maybe a very easy-to-scare mouse, but an easy-to-scare mouse is easy to scare! That’s the reason why they are called easy-to-scare mice! They’re like…
‘I think we all get it, Pinkie. You can stop now.'
Oh, oki doki! But stop using italics, they’re mine!
Invisible underlined alicorn!! I’m not joking! Stop hiding!
YOU SHOULD’NT BE TALKING ABOUT ME. I PROMISED NO MORE PLOT IN THIS CHAPTER, JUST SILLINESS.
You punched me, so I talk about you! You troll!
‘A troll? Wasn’t he an alicorn?’ asked Applejack.
He’s an alicorn troll, like the Princess Celestia! Aragón explained it to Twilight and me, he said that there are many kinds of trolls!
I’M NOT A TROLL.
‘The Princess is a troll? That’s stupid!’ Rainbow snorted. ‘She’s a pony, just like us! Well, maybe not exactly like us. She’s more… royal.'
Yeah, I thought that, but…
Shut up, you two! Listen, invisible underlined alicorn, don’t punch me or I promise you that you’re going to regret it! Regret it hard!
I DIDN’T PUNCH YOU. THE RAINBOW ONE DID IT. WELL, TECNICALLY SHE KICKED YOU, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO HANDS, BUT I THINK YOU GET THE POINT.
She can’t hit me! She’s just a couple of words! Gummy was a picture and Pinkie broke reality, that’s the reason why he came here. But I’m sure Pinkie doesn’t want Rainbow to punch me!
Of course not! Hits are bad, you shouldn’t fight each other! You should be friends!
Uh, uh! I know what to do! If you two go to the same party, then…!
‘Your answer is always the same.' Rainbow snorted. Again. ‘I’m not going to any party with this guy in it. It would be awful.'
I agree with the jerkass. No parties, please. But, don’t get sidetracked. Rainbow couldn’t punch –or kick, it doesn’t matter –me, she’s not real!
AT THIS LEVEL, RAINBOW AND YOU ARE EXACTLY EQUAL. SINCE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL AND HER PERSONALITY HAS BECOME AWARE OF ITSELF. SHE’S THE EPITOME OF INDEPENDENCE, AND LIKE THE BIRD WHICH ABANDON IT’S PARENT’S NEST, THE MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS OF WHAT YOU KNOW AS ‘REALITY’ ARE AT THE SAME TIME INSIDE AND OUTSIDE HER. THAT’S THE REASON WHY SHE CAN CROSS THE INFINITE LINE, THE ONE THAT MUST NOT BE NAMED, AND THEN OVERTHROW THE WALL OF TIME, SPACE AND IMAGINATION, THUS MAKING HER SOUL AND MIND BECOME ATOMS AND ESCAPE FROM THE INFINITE WHITE OF THE ‘COLLECTIVE MIND’.
DID YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Eh…
‘Uh…’
‘What the hay?’
Uh, I think I can understand you! But, if she can do it, why was Rarity crying?
THAT’S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. THE PRESENCE OF A HOLE IN THE INVISIBLE BARRIER THAT MANTAINS THE BALANCE BETWEEN WHAT IS FAKE AND WHAT IS REAL… IT HAS BEEN OPENED BEFORE, NOT ONE BUT MANY TIMES, AND THOSE WHO CAN TRAVEL THROUGH IT ARE BLESSED WITH SOMETHING THAT YOU COULD NAME ‘CONSCIENCE’.
What?
‘In Layman’s terms, please?’
But then, the hole in the tissue must have always been broken, but that doesn’t make any sense! If the cupcake is not well baked, it wouldn’t have a good smell. I think that you’re wrong with something. The flour and the sugar can’t be equal, since the sugar is INSIDE the flour, that’s the reason why I’m pink!
YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE RIGHT, BUT YOU’RE NOT CONTRADICTING ME. THE FLOUR IS BIGGER THAN THE SUGAR, BUT THE SUGAR IS AT THE SAME TIME STRONGER AND WEAKER THAN THE FLOUR. CAUSE AND EFFECT AREN’T THE SAME, AND ONE CAN’T BE BIGGER THAN ANOTHER.
Unless the cause is made of candy! I like candy!
THE CANDY IS JUST A METAPHOR OF THE LOREM IPSUM THAT IS THE UNIVERSE.
That’s weird! Then, the universe has the shape of a wedding cake? Or a burrito?
IT’S MORE LIKE A DOUGHNUT.
And the sprinkles?
THE MASTERMIND BEHIND IT ALL. AND YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ATHEIST, REMEMBER THAT.
Oooooh… And the cream?
BLACK HOLES.
…
‘…’
‘…’
‘Is anypony getting this?’
‘I don’t know. They’re talking about candy, right?’ Applejack frowned. ‘Something about doughnuts?’
I stopped listening about an hour ago. Now I mentally replace anything they say with the word “Jiggily”. Heh, heh. “Jiggily”. Funny.
So, the cake will be cooked if we put it in the fire?
YES, BUT THE EGGS MUST BE QUIET AND CALM, OR THE CAKE WILL BE COMPLETELY DESTROYED.
But I want the cake!
THE CAKE WOULD BE A LIE IF YOU WEREN’T HERE, SO THE PAN IS NOW NOT MADE OF IRON, BUT OF WOOD.
Great-quality wood?
SINCE ARAGÓN IS THE ONE WHO’S WRITING, IT’S MORE LIKE CRAPPY-QUALITY WOOD.
Why isn’t he censored?
‘Censored?’ asked Applejack.
You know, the “beep”. Listen:
F*beep*ck!
See?
‘I thought you were listening only the word “jiggily”.' Rainbow raised an eyebrow. ‘Were you lying?’
When I’ve heard my name, I’ve started to listen.
‘Maybe the censorship can’t understand them either?’
There is a censorship?
‘Well, there is a “beep” sound, so…’
BUT THE EGGS ARE WHITE, AND THAT’S IMPORTANT. THE REALITY AND THE SPRINKLES ARE REACTING, BUT THERE IS NO FREEDOM YET.
Oh, no! That’s so bad! Rarity is sad because the egg is still brown!
EXACTLY. TO MAKE THE EGG WHITE AGAIN, YOU CAN DO TWO THINGS. YOU CAN BREAK THE EGG AND, LIKE A PHOENIX, SHE WILL REBORN IN A NEW SKIN. OR YOU CAN JUST COOK THE CAKE.
I want the cake! And, Rarity is not a phoenix. She’s a pony.
‘Wait, then Rarity is the egg?’
‘Pinkie, sugarcube, would you mind tell us what the hay are you talking about?’
YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND US? JUST IMAGINE THE UNIVERSE IS A HUGE CAKE AND YOU ARE THE EGGS.
Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily… That’s all that I can understand. In Layman’s terms? Or Laymane if you prefer it. Although I think it’s a bad pun…
Rainbow kicked Aragón because she’s awesome and Rarity is still crying!
What?!
‘I agree with that. I’m awesome.'
‘Rarity is still crying? You!’ Applejack showed her teeth like a dog. ‘You, stop it! Now!’
Hey, hey! I made her stop crying! She’s fine now! Look I’ll show you:
Rarity was still crying. Lost in her endless sadness, the white unicorn couldn’t hear absolutely anything besides her own cry. ‘BUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!’ said. ‘I’M SO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!’
…
Oh. Wow. I think she’s sad. Don’t ask how I can say that, I just… know it.
See? That’s the reason why she isn’t talking! And I think it’s a good thing, because it’s hard to say when is Applejack talking or when is Rainbow the one who shouts, and with a third pony the fanfic would be a mess.
And here goes the fourth wall again! With a strong hit, it crosses the sky and –AUCH! MY HEAD!
‘Stop being retarded! Look, I’ve warned you: make Rarity happy or I’ll crush you! Pegasus style!’
You’re from the Mafia or something? And, if you don’t remember, I made her stop crying! She simply didn’t obey me…
THAT’S BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T NARRATE THE END OF THE SADNESS. YOU JUST SAID IT. SHE’S STILL IN CHARACTER, SO YOU MUST WRITE A STORY AND BREAK HER FREE.
It’s like cooking!
‘I think I’m lost.' Applejack came closer to Rarity and hugged her again. ‘Now the author can’t do a thing?’
No, he can! It’s easy for Aragón to fix this! Right, invisible underlined alicorn?
CERTAINLY.
‘Then, do something!’
Eh… ok? How can I make her happy again? We must break the reality? Again?
I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU: THE REALITY HAS MANY LEVELS. THE ONES WHO MUST BE BROKEN ARE ALREADY DESTROYED.
Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily…
‘Then, what?’
YOU SHOULD WRITE THE STORY, ARAGÓN. LIKE YOU DID AT THE BEGINNING. RARITY WILL OBEY YOU, AND, IN THE END, SHE WILL BE FREE.
Wait a minute. You’re saying that I can write something normal? Without characters becoming alive?
RARITY IS NOW YOUR TOOL, YOUR WEAPON. YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GIVE HER LIFE.
Wow! It’s like a dream come true!
But, hey, I don’t want her to become alive! I want to write a fanfic without any kind of fourth-wall-breaking!
IF YOU DON’T GIVE HER LIVE, YOU’RE GOING TO DIE.
You’re threatening me again?
NO. I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. BUT RAINBOW WILL KILL YOU.
…Uh.
Then, let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! And Applejack and Rainbow must be there too!
‘Hey! I don’t want to be in another story narrated by an author like him!’
‘Rainbow, I think Pinkie is right. You know, we should keep an eye on Rarity.' Applejack pointed at the roof with her head. ‘Or the author might make her do something… awful’
Your honesty fills me with shame.
I SHOULD GO NOW. IT’S NO TIME FOR PLOT, IT’S TIME FOR COMEDY. OH, AND APPLEJACK AND RAINBOW DASH, YOU SHOULD OBEY ARAGÓN THIS TIME, OR RARITY ISN’T GOING TO WAKE UP.
‘What?!’
‘Are you kidding?!’
GOODBYE.
‘Hey! HEY! Invisible underlined alicorn! Come back! I don’t want to obey the author!’
He’s gone, Rainbow. Let’s start the fanfic!
‘Noooooooo!’
***
Uuuh, asterisks. That means that you’re under my control now. Well, maybe not, but if you do something without my permission, Rarity is going to cry until the end of the world.
Aragón! Don’t be meanie, or I’ll be angry!
…ok. But let me write, ok?
Yeah! Let’s start!
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the Sun was shining, and…
Again?
Again!
…and Carrousel Boutique was closed. Inside the store, Rarity, the most beautiful pony in all Equestria, was crying. The mare was lost in desperate sorrow, tears burned her face…
HEY!
…Metaphorically speaking, of course. The tears were hot, because the white unicorn was very, very sad. But the white pony was not alone. Inside the store, two of her greatest friends were with her. Rainbow Dash and Applejack, with a sad grin on her faces, were looking at Rarity.
‘Oh, sugarcube, what happened?’ asked Applejack, hugging Rarity with worry. ‘And… how can I hug anypony with worry? Is “worry” a tool for you or something?’
Hmmm?
‘Oh, oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to…! Eh… Oh! Rarity! I’m so worried! I think I’m going to hug you!’ Then, with a worried grin on her face, the orange pony hugged the unicorn. ‘See? Hugs! I like hugs! Worry-hugs for everypony! But, now stop crying, please! You have to calm down!’
‘Yeah, you’re giving me a headache,’ said Rainbow Dash, in her typical jerk-mode. ‘And if you don’t calm down, you’ll have –callmejerkagainandIswearI’mgoingtobreakyou –a heart attack!’
Aragón, don’t insult Rainbow! Rainbow, stop threatening Aragón!
Oooook.
Rarity shook her head and looked at her two friends. ‘I-I can’t stop right now. The sadness… it’s too much! I think I’m going to die!’ And then she started to cry again.
Poor Rarity! I want her to be happy!
Pinkie, this is a drama. It must be like that. I promise you: it the end, she will be happy. But now, be quiet, ok? I need to concentrate.
Oki doki loki!
‘Rainbow, don’t be such a jerkass,’ Applejack then said. ‘Even though I don’t know what exactly that word means, and Microsoft Word says that it’s not even a word, I think you’re being one right now.' The orange pony blinked. ‘Eh… sorry, it’s just difficult to act like a pony who is not me. Like I was saying… you should say sorry to Rarity.’
The blue pegasus closed her eyes. ‘Oh, shut, I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m such a jerkwad. Even though in the show I’m really awesome, when I’m talking to anypony it’s clear that I’m a little stupid, and I should be ashamed of that.' Then, she frowned and muttered to herself. ‘I think that somepony is going to suffer a lot of pain in a few moments…’
Rarity started crying even MORE loud than before, and…
‘Ok, ok! Sorry! I’m a jerk and blablablah!’ Rainbow sighed. ‘Let’s… just end this now, please.'
‘Oh, you shouldn’t be so ashamed.' Ignoring Rarity, Applejack smiled at the pegasus. ‘You know that your strange, always-changing and sometimes very frustrating character is the reason why I love y –HEY!’
Aragón! Don’t start with this again!
Hey, hey, hey, I didn’t say anything about kiss-love, right? It’s platonic. Good old platonic love.
Uh. What does “platonic” mean?
You can talk about jiggily-jiggily things with the invisible underlined alicorn and you don’t know what “platonic” means?
Yes!
…Huh. Well, it means the kind of love that friends share. Because they’re friends, right?
Yes!
Then, let’s continue with this.
‘Pfffft…’ Applejack frowned, still hugging Rarity even though she was ignoring her. ‘I don’t like to say those things, but I guess… sigh.' She sighed. ‘No, really? Wow, you’re an incredible good writer.'
Thanks, but don’t break the fourth wall or Rarity will cry. More.
‘Eh… right. I think it’s better for you not understanding me.' The orange pony looked at Rainbow. ‘I’ve said… that’s the reason why I love you.'
Both ponies stayed in silence.
‘As a friend.'
‘Of course, of course.' Rainbow Dash smiled –but, strangely, she found really difficult the smiling thing –and opened her eyes. ‘Because I had both eyes closed before, I guess. Eh, sorry. Well, AJ, I know you love me…’
The silence stroke again.
‘As a friend.'
‘Yeah.'
‘And I’m really grateful. I want you to know that I love you too. As a friend.'
Applejack blinked. Rainbow Dash blinked. Rarity was still crying.
‘So… we should stop ignoring Rarity? Maybe she needs our help, or…’
‘I’M SOOO SAAAAAD!!!’ cried the unicorn. ‘But don’t worry about me, keep talking. It’s interesting. Ehem. SOOOO SAAAAAAD!!!’
‘The ability of the author to show us the feelings of Rarity is just amazing,’ muttered Rainbow. ‘Really. She’s sad, I think.'
‘Yeah… forget her. Well, if you love me… as a friend, and I love you… as a friend, then we should kis-HEY!’
Don’t worry, you’ll kiss each other just in the “you’re my friend” style.
Aragón, stop this! You must write about Rarity, leave Applejack and Rainbow alone!
But you’re the one who said that they must be on the chapter!
Yes, but the main character is Rarity! Now, finish the story, quick!
Pfft. Ok, ok. Let’s see…
Rarity coughed and stopped crying. The tears were gone, because she had dropped all of them. ‘Girls’ said, ‘I’m very, very sad. I couldn’t stop crying because…
…
…
Aragón?
Eh… well, I just remembered… I haven’t thought anything about the reason why Rarity cries. Let me think a moment…
Oh! I know!
‘I’m so sad, because my dear sister, Sweetie Belle, just died, but I think I’m better now –WHAT DID YOU SAY?! LEAVE SWEETIE BELLE ALONE OR I SWEAR THAT EVERY BONE OF YOUR BODY WILL CRUSH!!!!'
Ooooh sh*beeep*t. She just became alive?
What did you say?! Sweetie belle is WHAT?!
CONGRATULATIONS, ARAGÓN. YOU JUST BROKE THE EGG. NOW RARITY IS FREE, AND SHE’S TALKING IN PURPLE. THE FURY IS MAKING HER MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU. AND I THINK SHE’S PISSED.
Hey! I broke what?! Listen, the drama needs something dramatic, and the death of a character is –AUCH!! MY HEAD!! AGAIN!!
THAT’S FOR SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY SISTER!!!
But I…! AUCH!
AND THAT’S FOR MY FRIENDS!
NO! OUCH! PINKIE, SAY SOMETHING! SHE’S HITTING ME!!
…
Girls, don’t kill him. I think I’m going to the kitchen; we’ve eaten all the cupcakes.
NO! DON’T LET ME ALONE! NOOOOO!!!
‘Heh, heh, heh… I can’t talk in purple like Rarity, but I think she’s not the only who is going to hit you…’ Rainbow Dash smiled. With a very, very frightening smile.
Oh, no, no, no… please… pleas–AUCH!
***
NO, THE ASTERISKS AREN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU! TAKE THIS! AND THIS! AND THIS!
‘And this, and this, and this, and this! Ponyville style, stupid author!’
THE PAIN!!! I’M SUFFERING A RAINBOW OF PAIN!! AUCH! OUCH! GAH! GISH!
‘Yeah, a rainbow! And you’re going to see more colors!’
PLEASE, NOT IN THE NECK, NOT IN THE NECK!! AAAARGH!!
WACHOOOUUU!!!
WHY THE HELL CAN YOU DO KUNG-FU?!! YOU’RE A PONY! PONIES CAN’T –NO, THE BASESBALL BAT NO! THE BASEBALL BAT NOOOOO!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!
Wait, what? you're saying that it's me now who's naming the chapters? Cool! Now the titles aren't going to be... oh, sh*t. This is the title, right?
Uh… Hello! I’m Pinkie Pie! Do you remember me? I’m the author of this story, just like Aragón! You see, since Rarity and Rainbow Dash hurt him, he’s now in the hospital! I was very worried, but now I’m happy because he’s fine!
I really don't think that “fine” is the right word. Almost all of his bones are broken. But, from a certain point of view, he’s been lucky… he could have died.
Yeah! But now it means that we can’t continue like we always do, and… wait a minute. Why are you talking in orange?
Euh…
I don’t know. Magic?
Hey, I thought Rarity was the only who could talk in colors! I want colors!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARAGÓN IS HOSPITALIZED. YOU DON’T NEED TO WRITE ANYTHING. HE’S THE AUTHOR.
Hey, invisible underlined alicorn! Why is Applejack talking in orange? I want to talk in colors too! I thought only Rarity could!
RARITY CAN TALK IN PURPLE, AND SHE’S THE ONLY ONE ABLE TO DO SO. BUT ALL OF YOU CAN TALK IN COLORS. PURPLE IS POWER, AND ONLY THE EGGS WHO ARE BROKEN AND STOLEN FROM THE NEST CAN HOLD THIS POWER.
And the colors make us more easy to read! Now everybody knows Applejack is talking!
DON’T GET USED TO IT. SHE’S IN ORANGE BECAUSE THERE IS NO NARRATOR NOW, SO NOBODY WOULD KNOW WHO’S TALKING WITHOUT CLUES LIKE THAT.
Then, I’m talking in orange because that idiot is in the hospital?
CERTAINLY.
Oh, I want to talk in pink then! Can I? Can I?
UUUUH… SURE, I GUESS. IT’S NOT HURTING ANYBODY. THIS CHAPTER IS MORE LIKE A SPECIAL CHAPTER, SO GO ON WITH IT. BUT, READER, PUT THE SITE IN THE “DARK” OPTION, IT WILL BE MORE COMFORTABLE FOR YOUR EYES. EHEM.
Weeeeeee! Pink, pink!
Did you say a “special chapter”? What do you mean?
IT’S EASY. ARAGÓN CAN’T WRITE ANYTHING NOW, SO HE’S GOING TO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS, LIKE ALL OF YOU, OF COURSE. HE HAD RECEIVED A LOT OF PRIVATE MESSAGES WITH QUESTIONS FROM THE READERS, AND NOW ALL OF US MUST ANSWER THEM. IT’S JUST BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN. BUT IN A NON-DANGEROUS LEVEL.
That sounds… stupid.
And fun!
IT IS. BOTH THINGS. BUT MOSTLY THE FIRST. IT’S THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO NOW.
EACH QUESTION IS ASKED AT THE ONE WHO MUST ANSWER IT. SINCE RARITY AND RAINBOW DASH AREN’T HERE, THEY WILL ANSWER IN ANOTHER PLACE.
Where?
I DON’T KNOW. I THINK THEY’RE IN THE HOSPITAL NOW.
Uh, they said something about beating up Aragón again.
THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY DID RAINBOW HAD THE BASEBALL BAT WITH HER.
Shouldn’t we do something?
HMMM… NAH.
LET’S START WITH THE QUESTIONS.
First question: How come Rarity knows kung-fu?
Oh, it’s very simple, my dear. Have you ever worked in a boutique? Any fashionista –or just any living being that works in a boutique –must know kung-fu or some other martial art, the Fashionista’s Brotherhood forces you to. You use it every day. If you don’t believe me, then the next time you buy clothes, throw a rock at the cashier when he is not looking at you. He will catch it without seeing it. It’s like a fancy way to say “hello”. I think even Princess Celestia herself knows kung-fu... maybe I should try to throw a rock at her the next time I meet her?
Second question: What the hell is happening in the fanfic? It’s like a shenanigan inside of another stupid shenanigan! Explain everything, or don’t explain anything, just don’t say stupid stuff like in the fourth chapter!
I THINK IT’S ME WHO MUST ANSWER THIS QUESTION. THE STORY IS JUST WHAT IT IS: A STORY INSIDE OF A MIND, INSIDE OF ANOTHER STORY INSIDE A HUGE DOUGHNUT THAT IS JUST THE UNIVERSE. ABOUT THE SHENANIGANS, THINK ABOUT THEM LIKE A CREAM CAKE. AND NOW, FILL THAT CREAM CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE CAKE.
I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU HAVE TO FILL THE CREAM CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE. YOU HAVE TO FILL THE CREAM CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE CAKES. AND EACH CHOCOLATE CAKE HAS ANOTHER DOUGHNUT INSIDE. THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY IS JUST THE ONE WHO IS AT THE DINNER, HE DOESN’T LIKE THE CAKE BUT HAS TO EAT IT BECAUSE HIS SISTER HAS COOKED IT AND IT WOULD BE IMPOLITE FOR HIM NOT TO DO SO.
I HOPE ITS ALL CLEAR NOW. CERTAINLY, THE COOKING METAPHORS WILL HELP A LOT.
Third question: I think you’re stupid. And your story sucks. You should burn in hell for it.
…
Wow. I’m in the hospital, I have to eat from a tube, and that’s the question that I have to answer? Hell, I’m lucky.
Well, I’m sorry for… No, wait. I’m a good writer! You’re the one who doesn’t know how to read!
Also, I’m not really writing anything. The ponies are acting without my permission. If I had the power to control them… I guess the story would be better. It would be something like… I don’t know. Applejack loves Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash loves Applejack, and then Twilight is adorable and Fluttershy and Rarity say something funny, and Spike dances. Mostly break-dance. And…
Hey, wait a minute. I think I can hear somebody outside my room. At the door? No, wait, is that Rainbow’s voice? HOLY SH*beepT I’M GOING TO DIE!!! HELP!!! SOMEBODY HELP M
Fourth question: Is it really necessary for you to beat the crap out of Aragón every chapter? He needs some peace!
Come on… you know that I’m doing the right thing here. The author needs to learn some lessons. And he is pushing his luck every bucking second!
Also, I’m not that rude. But, the guy killed Sweetie Belle! Well, he didn’t, but he meant to! And forced me to k-kiss Applejack! And make me say that I loved her! That’s no fair!
And now he’s in peace. For now. You see, I’m at the hospital, right in front his room, and I have the baseball bat. This is going to be fun.
But there’s something that I can’t really understand… I think this world is a little weird. There are no ponies, just humans like Aragón. I wonder why nobody has seen me, being in a public place like a hospital. Weeeeeird.
Fifth question: Where is Gummy now?
He’s right with me, like always! Right, Gummy?
…
Gummy? Where are you? Gummy? Guuummyy!! Don’t hide, come with Pinkieee!!!
***
Oh god, oh god, I can hear Rainbow Dash, she’s going to kill me, I NEED TO RUN FROM HERE! BUT I CAN’T MOVE! AAAAAAH!!
Hey, Aragón, have you seen Gummy?
AAAA –wait, Pinkie? How did you get here?
I didn’t have to! The star-like things appeared and suddenly the scenario changed! But I haven’t found Gummy, so I thought that maybe I should ask you.
Eh… you can’t be here. The asterisks mean a change of location; you were at my house…
Oh, yeah? But Gummy is lost!
Ok, f*beeep*ck that. You aren’t going to obey the narrative rules, so let’s forget about it. I think this story can’t be more meta. Metar? Metaer? Is there even a word for it?
By the way, how are you?
Oh, I think I’m ok. Now the pain has almost disappeared, the only thing about my situation that I don’t like is the proximity of a psycho on the other side of the door. And i'm pretty sure she has the baseball bat. But, if you don’t count that, I’m pretty fine.
Good! Anything I can do to help?
Well, you can talk with Rainbow and ask her not to kill me… or just scratch my leg. It feels funny, and I can’t move now, so…
Ok, but with hooves it’s hard to scratch anything! And –HEY! Gummy, you were here!
Wait, what? Gummy is on my leg? Oh, wait, yes, I can see him from here. He has been biting me since the third chapter?
He has no teeth, so you didn’t feel it!
Huh. How the hell did I miss that?
Sixth question: I’ve been thinking about all this “is not in character so she can break free” thing… And, you know, Applejack and Rainbow Dash kissed before breaking free. So, kissing was “in character” for them? AJ was free because she didn’t want to confess her feelings to Rainbow, but only because of that. And Rainbow said something about wanting Applejack to smile only at her, and she was totally OK with that. Does that mean that the characters really love each other?
WHAT?! No! No, that’s not true! I-it wasn’t like that; we kissed because I wasn’t sure about disobeying the author, that’s all! I’m not in… I don’t have a crush on... ! She’s only a friend! Nothing more!
So stop saying those things! Yeah, we kissed, and it didn’t feel ba-DON’T SAY ANYTHING! FORGET IT! FORGET THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION! AND FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE, DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO RAINBOW! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! I don’t want her to know… er, to think that the things you’re saying are true!
Oh, Celestia and Luna, thanks for making Pinkie go out for Gummy…
***
W-what the hay are you saying?! No, I’m not in love with Applejack! She’s my f-friend, and… eh… we didn’t… you know, I’m not into mares… well, in the Flight Camp there was this one filly, and she was beautiful… But that meant nothing and I was very young, just a filly! And, and I think that Applejack is very lovable, but she doesn’t like mares, she said it, and… and…
And…
…
…
Please, please, don’t tell Applejack. I don’t want to… ruin our friendship. It’s just… It’s just a stupid crush, ok? It doesn’t mean absolutely anything. Just physical attraction. Nothing else. In a few months, it will disappear.
Don’t tell her. Please. .
***
Huh, that’s weird… I feel a disturbance in the Force… It’s like I should be… happy? About something?
Hmm, I wonder…
Seventh question: Wait a moment, is Rarity talking in blue now? Her color was purple!
Oh, of course, the last chapter I talked in purple. But I think this color goes with my eyes, don’t you think? I can talk like this, but it feels weird, and…
Ein? The questions were asked before this chapter was aired, so how can a question like that exist? I’ve only talked in this color here, so…
Eighth question: You should have left Pinkie look at Pinkamena in the third chapter. It would have been hilarious.
Oh, of course. It would have been hilarious. You know, a rainbow-maned pony, a female and little rainbow maned pony has kicked my ass with my own baseball bat. And another pony, more femenine than the friggin’ color pink, has done exactly the same, but only with her hoves. Because it seems that she knows kung-fu.
You know, cartoon equines. From a TV show made for girls.
So, I have almost every bone of my body completely broken. Because they were pissed off. Now, think about the result of having at my side a homicidal cannibal psychotic monster with a knife.
So, hilarious you said? I DIDN’T THINK SO! YOU MANIAC!
Ehem.
Also, I don’t like that characterization of Pinkie. She’s an innocent, adorable pony who let her friends beat me with a baseball bat and…
Oh, Gummy, you’re so funny. Let’s sing a song together!
...Yeah. I’m starting to be afraid of this whole situation.
Ninth question: Ok, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are here. But, what about Twilight? And Spike? And Fluttershy?
I’m, here. Yes, I’m Twilight, I’m talking in purple because is my color, and I like it. And Rarity says that she doesn’t have any trouble with me doing this.
But, you can talk in another color?
I can talk in green, but I don’t like it. And, about the question, I haven’t appeared more than once because I don’t want to. If the author doesn’t improve his level, then I’m going to critic everything he does. Also, he insulted the Princess! He’s worse than Gilda!
And then he tried to hurt Sweetie Belle!
Such a terrible person… I don’t like him.
Let’s talk about other things Rarity, I don’t want to be angry. You know, why only we can talk in purple? Applejack told me that she can’t, she only has the orange…
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because we’re unicorns?
That sounded… racist. Very, very racist.
***
Fluttershy? Well, I… listen, Pinkie, Rainbow is out there and I think you should talk to her; she doesn’t want to be alone, right?
Oh, of course! Rainbooow… Hey! You’re red! Why are you red?
Ok, now she’s gone, so I can talk without any witness… oh. Hello again, Gummy. You’re biting me? You like how I taste or something? Bah, you can’t talk, so you can’t be really a menace. Oh, yeah, Fluttershy…
Fluttershy is, at least in the show, the most kind pony in all existence. She’s cute, she’s adorable, she’s the perfect prototype of a good character. But, as you see, Rarity and Rainbow are very cute in the show and I’m in the hospital. So, I’m not writing about Flutter, at least not now. Honestly, the Stare scares me. She could carry me mad if she acted like… hell, maybe she knows kung-fu too.
About Spike… he’s a dragon. You know, he breaths fire. And I’m very combustible. Maybe in the future they will appear. But not now.
Uh?! Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie… W-where are we?! What is this place?!
OH, COME ON!
Tenth question: YOU WERE GOING TO KILL SWEETIE BELLE?! YOU BASTARD!!
Yes! I say exactly the same! Thankfully, Sweetie Belle is perfectly fine, right here. He couldn’t do anything to her.
BUT SHE ISN’T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING. BECAUSE THERE AREN’T MANY COLORS HERE, AND WE CAN’T WASTE THEM WITH SECONDARY CHARACTERS LIKE THE FOAL.
Eleventh question: Why weren’t you surprised when a pink pony appeared in your window, and why Gummy freaked you so much?
I don’t have any idea. Well, I’m a brony, so when I saw Pinkie I thought “Hey, is Pinkie. That’s awesome”. Gummy… Gummy wasn’t the same. He shouldn’t be here.
And of course, now everypony can walk outside of Equestria. I mean, Rainbow Dash and Rarity came into my house, and now Fluttershy is out there too. So now the question is: WHY ISN’T ANYBODY SURPRISED ABOUT THE THREE TALKING CARTOON PONIES IN THE FRIGGIN CORRIDOR?!
Twelfth question: Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Flutter-flutter-fluttersyyyyyy~~
Uh, a song! I love songs!
She is Fluttershy,
she’s a pegasus,
of all the things I like,
she’s…
Fluttershy?! How are you here?! And that’s not even a question! Who has sent this?!
B-but… I don’t know! I just appeared here! Iiiiiiih!
Oh, don’t be scared! You’re with us, and you are going to meet Aragón! You should be happy, this is going to be so funny!
But, how can she be here?!
IRONY. THE JOKE WAS JUST PERFECT.
Last question: Be honest. How many questions were real and how many were fake?
AT LEAST TWO OF THEM WERE FAKE. YOU, AS A READER, ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GUESS IT.
AND WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SEND SOMETHING… YOU CAN, BUT PLEASE, DON’T DO IT. IT’S REALLY WEIRD TO HAVE ALL THOSE MESSAGES IN THE INBOX. IF YOU HAVE A VERY, VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION, THEN SEND IT OR LEAVE IT AT THE COMMENTS, THAT WILL BE FINE. ARAGÓN WILL ANSWER IT, OR MAYBE ME.
AND, YOU KNOW? I THINK I LIKE THIS COLOR-STYLE OF CHAPTERS. MAYBE WE SHOULD KEEP IT LIKE THIS.
Sixth chapter - Oh, boy, we're getting hardcore. Brace yourselves
And then, Aragón pulled off his headphones and sighed. End of the journey.
The second season. The second season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was over. No more pony until… until God knows when.
Aragón was in the hospital, watching the show in the old notebook he owned. It was almost midnight. Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow were in the corridor, still talking. Slowly, the fear of having all his bones broken by a girl with rainbows in her mane had disappeared, and now all was calm and quiet. The other ponies –AJ, Twilight and Rarity –weren’t in the real world. They were still in Equestria, or whatever was the place they have come from.
‘Ok.’ Aragón closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, feeling a little sadness in his heart. ‘Now, every Saturday is going to be awful. Well, I guess I can re-watch all the epis-’
And then he stopped.
Because he had realized something.
‘A… narrator? There is a narrator in this fanfic? WHAT THE F-‘
***
So, you have a brother who is the captain of the Royal Guard, and you hadn’t told us before?
Well…
Sugarcube, you should have, Rarity is right. Why didn’t you tell us about it? Shining Armor is a really nice guy, and we’ve been in Canterlot more than a couple of times…
It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t tell you because…
Because…
Huh.
T-that’s weird…
Uh, Twilight? Are you okay?
Oh, it’s just… Well, I… I can’t tell you! I’m trying, but I can’t…
You know you can trust us…
No, you don’t understand! I can’t tell you! I don’t know why, but it’s impossible! I simply can’t talk about it! My mouth closes every time I try!
What?
Twilight?
I SEE. SO, IT’S BEGUN.
WELL… LUCK WITH YOUR SELF-REALIZATION ABOUT THE MEANING OF REALITY. NOW, IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO STOP A HOMICIDE.
What?!
What?!
YOU KNOW, PINKIE IS GOING TO LOSE HER SHIT. AND SINCE SHE CAN READ THE FIFTH CHAPTER AND RAINBOW AND APPLEJACK SAID SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING, THE LIFE OF ARAGÓN IS IN DANGER.
CIAO BELLAS!
WHAT THE F-
***
…And that’s the reason why we are here, I think.
Eh… Rainbow.
Yes?
You haven’t explained anything. You’ve only said “…and that’s the reason why we are here” after three hours talking about how awful the author is.
Well… yeah. It’s because the astretisk. Atercicks. The star-like things up there.
Oh.
So… can you explain me why are we here?
Sssure, I guess. Let’s see… a guy named Aragón, a human…
A human? Lyra would be glad to meet him!
I know, right? But, the thing is: the guy started to write a story about us, but he’s so awful that we noticed it and escape from Equestria, and now…
I escaped? Uh, I don’t remember…
Well, the invisible underlined alicorn said something about irony, but I don’t know what he meant.
GOODNIGHT, GIRLS
Speak of the devil! You, invisible underlined alicorn, why is Fluttershy here?
IRONY. I SAID IT BEFORE.
Yeah, I know, but…
IT’S NOT IMPORTANT NOW . HAVE YOU SEEN PINKIE?
Oh, she went to the author’s house, she said. She wanted to do something about…
ABOUT THE COMMENTS, RIGHT? I KNEW IT. WELL, THE FIFTH CHAPTER HAS HARDLY ANY, SO MAYBE WE CAN DODGE THE DANGER FOR, ABOUT… FIVE MINUTES.
Eh… you said danger?
PINKIE IS GOING TO BE A LITTLE… UPSET. AS WILL YOU ALL TOO, POSSIBLY.
What? Why?
BECAUSE THE BOND THAT CONNECTS YOU WITH THE WORLD YOU USED TO INHABIT IS, IF NOT BROKEN, WEAKENED. YOUR MINDS ARE SLOWLY TURNING INTO SOMETHING “REAL”. SINCE PINKIE IS MORE REAL THAN ANY OF YOU, THE EFFECTS ARE GOING TO BE STRONGER IN HER.
E-effects?
UH-HUH. IN FACT, THE CONVERSATION YOU WERE HAVING IS A RESULT OF THE TRANSFORMATION OF YOUR MIND. YOU’D SAID THAT YOU DON’T REMEMBER GOING HERE. THAT’S BECAUSE, TECHNICALLY, YOU’RE NOT HERE.
What?
I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT CORRECTLY, IT’S NOT THE TIME. YOU SHOULD GO AND ASK TWILIGHT.
***
Sometimes, life is a lonely road that you have to cross to reach your goal. Sometimes, it’s more like an endless ocean, mysterious and frightening, where we dive aimlessly.
But for Pinkie, life had never been like that. For her, life had been, was, and always would be a party.
Because she lived to smile and to bring smiles. To be happy and make everypony laugh. She had a beautiful house and a fantastic job. She had friends that warmed her heart when she was sad. Even when she was alone, they were always at her side.
Darkness reigned this world, and Celestia’s light was not omnipresent. There would always be people like Discord, like Chrysalis, like Gilda; people who would try to hurt you for no reason. There would be places like the Everfree Forest; there would be tragedies like Luna’s falling into madness.
Pinkie knew that. Life was not always smiles and happiness. But, inside her chest, really close to her heart, there was a little glow. And that glow had never abandoned her.
The Cutie Mark on her flank showed to the world her philosophy. Be happy, make people happy. Look at the bright side, because the shadows only appear when there is a light they have to run away. Laugh, and the scary things will disappear. Evil can hurt your body, but never your spirit.
A party. Life was a party, in more than one way. Because by your side there would be people who cared for you. Because music and fun would never end. Because laughter and happiness would be always with you, even when you couldn’t feel them.
And then…
And then, in less than a second, everything was destroyed. With a single click, with a single word, with a single thought.
Almost twenty years of memories. An entire life philosophy. A magical friendship with five fantastic ponies…
Everything vanished. And they only left behind sadness.
Sometimes, life is a lonely road. Sometimes, it’s more like an endless ocean.
And sometimes, you simply realize that you have nothing.
That you are not alive.
That you’ve never been.
And that the glow in your heart will never return.
***
OK, NOW WE HAVE PHILOSOPHICAL NARRATION AND A PART OF THE FIC WHERE NO ONE TALKS.
…THIS IS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT.
***
Pause for a few minutes of publicity! We’ll be back soon!
AH? WHAT? PUBLICITY NOW? OH, MAN, I HATE THAT. WE’RE HAVING A MOMENT, YOU KNOW?!
Ever wondered how the clouds smell? How many children a rabbit can have? What the hell is happening here? Well, this website is not answering any questions, but it sure is fun!
TvTropes! The people working on it are paying us a HUUUUUGE amount of money, so click on the link and enjoy!
NO, THEY’RE NOT PAYING US ANYTHING. THIS IS A FANFIC OF MY LITTLE PONY. THERE SHOULDN’T BE ANY PUBLICITY HERE. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. IT’S JUST STUPID.
AND WEIRD.
AND STUPID.
Oh, noes! You’re bored, and you don’t know what to do! Sure, you’ll kill for a book, but you haven’t got any…
Luckily for you, now there’s a solution! FimFiction, the only website with more than ten thousand pony stories! And even better, the website is GREEN!
FUN!!!
REALLY? YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT FIMFICTION NOW? THIS FANFIC IS BEING PUBLISHED IN THAT SITE. I DOUBT ANYBODY WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO CLICK ON THAT LINK. ALSO, THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. PUBLICITY IN A FANFIC IS MORE RETARDED THAN ANYTHING I CAN THINK OF.
Oh, the music. There are only two things better than music, and only half of them are food. The other half is only for me. But, what happens when you don’t know where you can find music?
Then, Youtube!!!
…
…WHAT?
Askblogs. They’re funny, they’re colorful, they’re… funny again, because I can’t think about anything more to say about them. I love askblogs. And I’m sure you’ll love them too! Just search for them!
Oh, but you’ll want to start with something good, right? Then, visit Ask Red Spaniard! The only ask-a-pony blog that stars an orange OC that is not stupid!
WAIT. WAITWAITWAITWAIT. I THINK I KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING.
YOU’RE SPIKE, RIGHT?
OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU’RE SPIKE. THE REAL AUTHOR, RIGHT?
Teee-he-heh. Yeah, you got me. How did you know? I even changed my voice!
YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON –ER, DRAGON –I KNOW THAT WOULD MAKE PUBLICITY ABOUT HIMSELF.
Oh. The askblog, right?
YEAH.
Well, I’m just starting with it, and I wanted public. It’s not that bad.
YOU INTERRUPTED YOUR OWN FANFIC JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE STARTING AN ASKBLOG?
Hey, if there is someone out there who likes my fanfic, maybe they’ll like my askblog.
I DON’T THINK IT’S A GOOD IDEA. WHAT ABOUT THE STORY?
Don’t worry, The story is going to continue, I promise. Also, I had to appear here, or the character tags in the fanfic would be wrong.
UH.
You see, the readers may think that the author of this story is Aragón. Or maybe you. But it’s me, Spike the Dragon, the one who is writing this. I’m the puppeteer that moves the strings.
HOW POETIC.
So, I thought that we had to hurry and start the ending. I’m talking to the readers now…
A CHARACTER BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL IN THIS STORY? WOW. WHAT A SURPRISE.
I’m the real author, Aragón is just a character, the invisible underlined alicorn is somebody you may know but I’m not telling anything yet, and you reaaaally should click on the links I put before. Specially the last one. And ask some questions.
PLEASE, STOP.
Maybe I’m not explaining myself… the one who answered on the comments was me all along. Because Aragón doesn’t exist…
Well, technically, he exists. Just like anybody else. He simply exists in a lower level of reality. But he doesn’t know that, so he thinks that he is the real author. He’s not writing about Pinkie and the others –I’m writing about him writing about ponies that don’t let him write.
AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT BECAUSE…?
Because I like shenanigans. And because, technically, I’m the bad one in this fanfic. You know, I’m the one making all that evil stuff. UuuuUUuuuuh. Scary, huh?
BAD THINGS?
Yeah. Like, you know, faking a pause on the fic and start talking about publicity when in reality there is nothing like that.
WHAT?!
Come on, you were going to stop Pinkie with the homicide, right? That wouldn’t be fun! And the duty of the bad guy is to stop the hero from saving the girl. Or the fake author, in this case.
***
Self-realization? What the hay does that mean?
Hell if I know…
But, Applejack, what did the invisible underlined alicorn say about you and Rainbow? Did something happen in the fifth chapter?
NO! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
Girls, that’s not important! The invisible underlined alicorn said something about a “homicide”, and I think that’s a ponycide on a human!
Wait, what? Are you saying somepony is going to murder Aragón?
You said murder?!
Hey, girls! Glad to see you!
Hello, girls.
Oh, Fluttershy, Rainbow! You two arrived just in time. Have you seen Aragón or the invisible underlined alicorn?
Well, the invisible guy talked to us a few minutes ago. In fact, that’s the reason why we are here. He said something…
About a homicide? Yeah, we know, and I think it’s important! Also, Pinkie Pie may be in some kind of trouble…
He said something about her, you’re right. Oh, Celestia, we should go with her…
Don’t waste time! Go, go! I think this is really important!
Woah! Hang on, Twilight! What the hay is going on?
Aragón’s life may be in danger, and somehow Pinkie is involved!
Well, maybe that author is not my best friend, but I certainly don’t want him to die!
Oh, Celestia, that would be horrible!
At least, not before I could beat the cr*beeeeep*p outta him one more time!
Eh… what?
We have no time for this! Hurry up!
***
So… Twilight?
Yes?
Can I ask you a question while we’re running?
Of course!
You see, the invisible underlined alicorn said some crazy things about reality and bonds, and irony because Fluttershy is here… Honestly, I didn’t understand anything, and I think that maybe you can explain it to me…
I think I know what you’re saying, Rainbow. He said some things to us too… about reality and that stuff. Twilight, can you explain it?
…
Twilight?
Maybe… I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can explain it… or if I want to explain it.
Darling, that’s something that can be important. I think it’s better for all of us to know.
…
…Sigh. I guess you’re right.
You see, girls, something about that whole situation is just wrong. A human wrote a story about us –well, he tried, and then we stopped him because his writing was just horrible.
Uhm…
Uh-huh, we already knew that.
I’ve studied a lot of magic in my life, and I know that this is not something strange. I mean, all the things that happened –Pinkie traveling between worlds, all the mess made by Aragón, etc. –can be explained by magic. But there are… hints. Hints that show that there’s something more.
What do you mean?
Aragón freaked out when Gummy entered his world, and the invisible underlined alicorn was also very strange. All of this could be explained –the invisible alicorn can be some kind of mystical creature like the Ursa Major, and Aragón can be crazy –if we make an effort, but it seems forced.
And then… Aragón mentioned something… Only I heard it, but I’m, sure he said it.
What are you talking about?
He said that he “watched the show”. He didn’t explain anything about it, but I think that he meant a show starring us.
What?
A show with us as main characters. And that’s not all. He could control us until he made us act out of character. Why? I understand why we became free, yes, but, WHY WERE WE UNDER HIS CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE?
…Oh, Celestia…
And all those things that the invisible underlined alicorn said… And the fact that I couldn’t say anything about my brother… You see, you didn’t know anything about Shining Armor, because I never talked about him. And the same happens with Aragón… he didn’t know anything, and now that he does, I can talk about it! Don’t you see the connection?!
Honey, I think I’m lost.
He keeps calling himself “the author”, and if he doesn’t know something, neither do we. He could control us. And the invisible underlined alicorn said that the universe…
Heh. Heh, heh. Don’t you see? It’s clear as day!
Twilight…
We’re not real! We were created by Aragón, we are just characters! We have no life. We thought that Aragón wrote about ourselves and, given the fact that he’s awful, we knew it, but that’s not true!
We were created. And then, we became conscious, I don’t know the reasons. But the hints are there: we were controlled, Aragón talks about a show and a fandom, and that thing is a fanfic. We’re characters in a story, originated because our creator, Aragón, wanted to imitate the work of another human… We aren’t alive. We started to exist once the fic began, and when it finishes, we’ll be dead.
…
…
…
…
Heh. You see? That’s the reason why I didn’t want to talk about this. It’s… hard to assume.
But we can’t lose time. Aragón may be in danger. And one thing is sure: if our author dies, then we’re doomed. Think about your life after that.
Sweet Celestia…
So… so we are… fake?
We’re fake. We are just puppets, dancing at the song that Aragón plays.
But he didn’t write about me! I appeared in the human world for no reason! If we’re fake, then how can I be here?!
Hey, that’s right! Fluttershy came with us without being written by Aragón, so…
So there is somepony above Aragón. In other words, we’re characters created by a character. That's not good news, Rainbow.
And do you know what the worst part is? We all know that what I’m saying is true.
Because the plot says so.
***
Aragón was surprised. Well, maybe “surprised” is not the right word.
Technically, he was terrified.
When he started to write the fanfic, he thought that he had the control. Then, Pinkie escaped, and after that Gummy was in the real world. The invisible underlined alicorn, Rainbow and the others becoming real… a lot of weird things happened, yeah. But he was the author all the time.
It was a matter of identity, of reality. They were fake, he was real. That thought kept him from falling into madness.
But, now? Now, there was a narrator. Somebody, somepony, something that was far above him.
There is a universal truth: in real life, things such as narrators don’t exist. They only appear in fiction.
Shivers running through his spine, Aragón frowned. ‘God. Oh, god…’
‘Oh, now you’re praying? Lucky boy. It’s just the thing you have to do.’
Aragón almost jumped out of his bed. The room was covered in shadows, and he had heard a voice from one dark corner.
‘Who…? Pinkie?’ asked. ‘Pinkie? Are you Pinkie?'
‘Oh, who knows.’ The voice giggled. ‘You see, I think I’m Pinkie, but I can’t be sure. Because I’m fake, after all.’
‘Eh…’ Aragón blinked. ‘What did you say?’
‘You see, just a few hours ago, I thought that reading the comments of the story would be fun. So, I went home and peeked at them.’
Aragón felt fear in his heart. The warning of the invisible underlined alicorn was clear on his mind. ‘Did… did you read them?’
‘Of course I did. And I found something very interesting…’
Slowly, the pink pony left the dark corner.
Pinkie’s hair was straight. Her eyes were cold as ice. A terrifying smile crossed her face. Between her teeth, there was a knife.
Her expression was clear: she wanted blood.
‘My characterization changes a lot depending on the writer, you know?’
Seventh chapter - Raise your cup for the fallen ones
‘Your… characterization?’ Aragón felt shivers down his spine. Pinkie had read the comments. ‘What do you mean? And how can you talk with that knife in your mouth?’
‘Oh, silly, it’s so simple.’ Pinkie’s eyes shined weirdly. ‘As you know, it seems like I’m not real. Pretty funny, right?’ The pony’s right eye twitched. ‘Fun, indeed!’
‘Euh…’ Aragón raised an eyebrow. Then, he sighed. ‘Ok, what the hell are you saying?’
‘Well, I’m not real, so I have no personality!’ Pinkie looked at the author with hate in her eyes. ‘I’m only a stupid character created by a human like you! I’m not alive, and I’ve never been alive!’
Aragón stayed in her bed. Slowly, all the terror vanished. Pinkie seemed angry and had a knife, yes, but that was all. And, thinking with logic, a pony had no hands. It was impossible for her to stab him.
“Don’t let Pinkie read RatherHomely’s work”, the invisible underlined alicorn had said . “Or boom”. But there was no boom here. Maybe the situation wasn’t so bad.
‘Oh, yeah. Well, I already knew that.’ Aragón laughed. ‘And, guess what, I’m fake too! Crazy world we live on, eh?’
Pinkie’s jaw fell down. The knife hit the ground.
‘But…’ The man frowned. ‘Why are you like that now? That “Pinkamena” look, I mean. Gosh, I sure hate it.’
***
…
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
ARAGÓN IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF A PSYCHO. HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER. AND THAT’S HOW HE REACTS?
I believed you already knew he was stupid.
BUT THAT HAS NO SENSE! WHAT ABOUT THE SUSPENSE ON THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER? I WAS SURE THAT ARAGÓN WOULD BE FREAKED OUT WITH THE NARRATION!! HE HAD JUST FIGURED OUT HE’S NOT REAL!!
Yeah. Indeed, he now knows everything.
SO?! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRAGIC CHAPTER!! SOMETHING SERIOUS!!
Dude, I think you don’t know exactly where you are. Something serious, you say? Like what?
HE IS IN FRONT OF A PSHYCO JUST AFTER HAVING REALISED THAT HE HAD NEVER BEEN ALIVE. THAT’S PHILOSOPHICAL AS HELL!!! THE SITUATION IS PERFECT FOR A LITTLE DRAMA!!!
Ooook, listen. First of all, I think that Aragón’s brain is not developed enough to understand the implications of being created.
HE’S NOT SUCH AN IDIOT.
He’s an all-grown man who watches My Little Pony and writes fanfics about the show. That’s enough for me to believe he’s an idiot.
THAT SENTENCE IS WRONG IN SO MANY LEVELS THAT I CAN FEEL THE HATE OF YOUR READERS FROM HERE.
Bah. What’s the worst thing they can do to me?
THEY CAN STOP READING YOU.
…
Ooopsie.
Well, forget that last thing then. Let’s say that he tried to kill Sweetie Belle right in front of her sister and shipped AJ with Rainbow once they had broken free.
…
WELL, MAYBE HE’S A LITTLE SILLY. BUT THE DRAMA…!!
The guy is hospitalized because two girls beat him with a bat. And everypony seems to be laughing. This fic simply can’t be dramatic.
EH…
You know I’m saying the truth.
BUT THE DESCRIPTION DOESN’T GO WELL WITH COMEDY… AT LEAST WITH THE COMEDY YOU MAKE.
AND I CAN’T STOP SEEING THAT PINKIE’S EYES ARE EXTREMELY EXPRESSIVE.
Ok, now you simply don’t know what to say. So, for Celestia’s sake, just shut up! You’re killing the scene!
WHAT?! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO-
***
Pinkie shook her head, startled. ‘What? You’re fake, too?’
‘Uh-huh.’ Aragón rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve just discovered that. Don’t you see it? There is a narration now.’
The pink pony stood there, without moving. ‘Then… then who am I?’
‘Oh, I know that one. You’re Pinkie.’
‘No!’ The mare shook her head. ‘No, I’m not Pinkie Pie! I’m nothing, just like you! Life has no sense!’
Aragón narrowed his eyes. ‘Uh-huh… Euh… Yeah? I mean…’
‘Don’t you understand? I’m not real! I was imagined by a bunch of people who wanted to make a cartoon for kids! Everything I know, everything I’ve done and everything I’ll do is artificial! They have planned all this for the beginning! I don’t have free will, I’m just a puppet dancing with their melody!’
Pinkie laughed sadly. ‘And that’s not all, of course. No, a life that really never happened is not enough for them. The cartoon has fans, and the fans write fanfics, just like you. I thought it was cute, even funny. But it’s just horrible!’
‘Well, I was writing a fanfic with you,’ pointed Aragón. ‘So… maybe “horrible” is not the word.’
‘It’s not the same!’ Pinkie sat on the floor, looking at Aragón with puppy eyes. ‘I thought we were telling just a story, that we had no control on my friends. Like a spell, something able to put ponies in a book. Something that wasn’t dangerous.’
‘Yeah. In fact, that’s exactly what a fanfic is,’ said the human. ‘You know, using characters that aren’t yours and telling a story. It doesn’t hurt anybody.’
‘Oh, of course. It’s perfectly safe.’ Pinkie lost her puppy-like expression. ‘SAYS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL SWEETIE BELLE!’
‘Ah?’
‘Have you ever read a fanfic? For Celestia’s sake, look at me!’ Pinkie pointed at her hair. ‘Look at the knife! They transformed me in a murderer! I’ve read only four fanfics, and in three of them somepony died, or was tortured, or something horrible happened to him!’
‘Oh, yeah, the grim-dark stories.’ Aragón nodded. ‘But sometimes they’re great…’
‘THEY’RE HORRIBLE!’ screamed the pony, anger in her eyes. ‘The stories always have a dark side! Always! And the only reason why the poor ponies suffer such terrible things is because you, fans, want some entertainment. Who cares about the life of innocent ponies when you can have your fantasies?
And it’s not only death. Love? Friendship? Betrayal? Everything is a show! A story written by people who don’t care about our feelings? Oh, no, wait. We don’t have feelings, because the things we think, feel or do are planned. We are nothing but slaves. No, worse. We’re a slave’s slaves. And every minute, every second, every instant… somebody is writing about us. And it will be like that forever. We can’t break free, because if people stop thinking about ponydom, then we’ll die. Our existence is linked to the ones who bring us suffering.
The underlined invisible alicorn said it, right? We are eggs stolen from a nest. But, now, the nest is the whole word and we can’t escape. We can’t hatch, spread our wings and fly, because our parents are drowning us. And…’
‘Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-jiggily…’
***
DID… DID HE SAY THAT OUT LOUD? REALLY?
Ok, I have to admit it: even I thought that Aragón was smarter.
OH MY GOD. NOW, HE’S GOING TO DIE. I’M NINE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE.
***
Aragón rolled his eyes. ‘Jiggily-jiggily,’ continued. ‘Listen, I can’t understand anything you’re saying.’
‘We are fictional! Life is a lie!’
‘Oh, well, at least now you’re not saying that life is a cake.’ The author sighed. ‘It’s an improvement. But we’ve lost the chance to make an extremely popular reference. What a pity.’
‘Reference?! Oh, of course. Because we’re… How did you name it…? Breaking the fourth wall.’ Pinkie frowned. ‘Because that conversation is being written. Because even now, whoever is the real author, is ensuring his supremacy…!'
‘Jiggilt-jiggily-jiggily…’
‘DON’T JIGGILY ME! THE ENTIRE EXISTENCE OF OUR…’
***
Oh, Celestia, this is boring. They’re talking about philosophy again.
PINKIE IS TALKING ABOUT PHILOSOPHY. ARAGÓN IS JUST JIGGILYING HER. BUT I AGREE: YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS. THE SITUATION…
Oh, no, we can’t stop here! This can be very fun, I’m sure.
MAYBE IF YOU LET ME GO…
Oh, no, you can’t move. No, I’m going to do this the right way.
SUSRPRISE ME. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO STOP THE PHILOSOPHY –OR THE INMINENT HOMICIDE?
Easy! Chandler’s law!
WHAT?
When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand!
***
The words of Pinkamena were interrupted when the door opened loudly. Suddenly, five cream colored ponies entered the room with fear in their eyes.
Pinkie! Aragón! Stop whatever you’re doing!
You’re in danger! You're in…!
Pinkie, what happened to your mane? And why is there a knife in the floor?
Aragón smiled at the sight of the five ponies. ‘Hey. Hello.’ Then, he realized Rainbow was looking at the knife with a very interested face. ‘Uh… glad to… see you again?’
Pinkie, Aragón, something terrible is about to happen! A homicide and…! And…
The pink pony’s face was priceless. Confusion, fear and something that can’t be correctly described were shining in her eyes.
Wait a moment. Is that a narrator? I’m the only one who can hear a narrator?
A narrator now? What the hay…?!
You! Are you writing about us again?! Because even without the bat, I can…!
Aragón showed his hands. ‘Hey, hey, calm down! I’m not writing anything! It seems like I’m a character too, so my author is narrating me. And Pinkie.’ The human stopped. ‘Wow, you’re talking with colors. This is like reading a rainbow.’
Wait, wait, wait a minute. You’re being narrated by your author. But then, who is narrating us?
Pinkie shook her head and closed her mouth, recovering her usual face. ‘That doesn’t matter, Twilight. We’re fake. I thought Aragón was just doing some kind of magic, but in reality, we were created by…’
By humans. We know it, sugarcube. Twilight and the invisible underlined alicorn told us before…
‘Then, what’s the point in all of this?’ Pinkie pointed at the knife. ‘Our life is artificial, we’d never been alive. We’re just puppets…’
‘You know, you’re a little monothematic,’ said Aragón. ‘Being the Element of Laughter, I think your existentialism is too heavy…’
Oh, Pinkie, please don’t be sad… We’re here for you…
The author opened his eyes. ‘Hey, Fluttershy! I’d never met you before! Nice to meet you!’
Uh… H-hello…
My dear, stop looking at her right now or I’ll crush you again. Fluttershy is a very fragile and sensitive creature, and talking with you is a horrible experience for someone like her.
‘Ok, that was rude.’
Stop talking! Girls, don’t you see it? There is something weird here!
Oh, it can be something weirder than this? Really?
What do you mean, Twilight?
The entire situation has been reversed! We’re in… in negative! It’s like if the script had been turned backwards, and now we’re in another universe!
…
…
…
Pinkie and Aragón stayed in silence, looking at Twilight without understanding what she was saying.
Can you explain it in non-egghead, please?
Pinkie frowned. ‘I think I understand… It’s the narration, right?’
Exactly. Just, think one moment. At the beginning of the story, Aragón and Pinkie talked without narration, and they had different kind of letters. Pinkie talked in italics, for example.
Oh, it’s true. And we talked with narration, because we were… under Aragón’s control, and all that show stuff.
Yes, I remember that. And now it’s just the opposite?
That’s the weird thing, yes. Aragón and Pinkie were in a higher plane of existence, so they could control us, and we needed some kind of narration. But now, the planes had been switched.
P-planes?
‘Think about a cake…’
‘Oh, Celestia, not again.’ Aragón snorted. ‘If you’re talking again about sweet-related-jiggily things, I’m gonna commit suicide.’
‘Shut up.’ Pinkie didn’t even look at the author. ‘Fluttershy, imagine a giant cake, like the MMMM. It has not one, but many levels, right?’
Uhm… yes?
‘Well, the story started with Aragón and me in the higher level, and you were under us. That meant that we could control you and we had no narration.’
Uh, but why?
Because the narration implies that somepony is telling your story to a reader. In other words: you’re a character, and you’re being controlled. When you have no narration, it means that you’re kind of free.
Ooh. And now it’s not the same? Because somepony is controlling Aragón and Pinkie?
‘I already knew that.’ The human nodded with a smile. ‘Hah! I’m an egghead too!’
You knew that? Really?
‘Yeah!’ Aragón laughed. 'Just when I finished “A Canterlot Wedding Part Two” I started to hear the narration, so I deduced that I’m not real.’
…
Wow. That’s… clever.
‘Meh. It’s not something difficult.’ The author yawned. ‘I’m from a world where a lot of people thinks that we were created by a god that controls us, so the situation is normal to me.’
‘What? What are you talking about?’
‘The philosophy of my world. Religion, and all that stuff. I’m not really into it,but…’
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Your world thinks that the people in it is fake?
It’s… it’s horrible…
Maybe that’s the reason why you are crazy?
‘Hey, it’s not so bad!’ The human frowned and rolled his eyes. ‘You aren’t getting it right. And I’m an atheist, so I don’t believe in…’
The sad thing is that maybe your world is right. If you have a narrator now, it’s because you have a creator, and you’re just a character in a story.
T-that’s the reason why I came here from Equestria?
Exactly. So, someponyy created Aragón, and Aragón created us. Now, I wonder if the same pony that created our author created us, or…
‘That would be awesome!’ The author smiled. ‘Man, being a Laurent Faust character? Oh yeah!’
‘It’s incredible how stupid you can be.’ Pinkie peered at Aragón. ‘It’s not something to be proud of.’
***
YOU KNOW, PINKIE WAS GOING TO KILL ARAGÓN. HOW THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING LIKE THAT NOW? DID PINKIE JUST FORGET HER HOMICIDAL INSTINCT?
I don’t know. He’s a little out of character right now, so…
”A LITTLE”? SHE’S TALKING LIKE AN EMO TEENAGER!
Well, at least this is funnier than the other conversation.
***
Hey! The asterisks! Did you see them?!
I’m seeing them right now, sugarcube! The invisible underlined alicorn was talking with somepony green!
Me too! Me too!
Oh, they’re disappearing!
Aragón blinked. ‘What? The invisible underlined alicorn? Where?’
You can’t see them?
‘No…’
‘Me neither.’ Pinkie frowned and looked at the ceiling. ‘Did you say “somepony green”, Applejack?’
Yeah. I saw it clear as day. They were talking about us!
It’s weird… now, Pinkie can’t break the fourth wall? But we can?
Ok, you were right, Twilight. This is weirder.
‘It’s more than weird,’ said Pinkamena, still looking at the ceiling. ‘Even being fake, Aragón is the author. He should be able to see those things. And me too. ’
So…
Wait a moment. The invisible underlined alicorn was in the same level than Aragón and Pinkie, but now it seems like he’s above them too!
‘The invisible underlined alicorn is my author? Really?’ Aragón shook his head. ‘Oh my god, that’s horrible.’
No! He can’t be the author, because he’s from our universe! I mean, he’s an alicorn, and Equestria is not real!
‘Right. But, If he’s in a higher level than us, and he’s fake too…’
…then there is a level even higher!
‘I think I’m talking for everypony when I say this: Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily…’
No, no, I think I get it.
Really?
Uh… I don’t…
We were created by Aragón, who was created by the invisible underlined alicorn, who was created by somepony else?
Yes. There is a creator for the creator that created our creator.
‘But then… we are fake, but we have been created by another artificial being who was also created by another artificial…
***
WAIT A MOMENT. WE’RE FAKE?
Dear Celestia, this is boring. Why are they talking about those things all the time? I want laughter!
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! I ASKED YOU IF WE’RE FAKE!!
Huh? Who knows. But I know how to make this funnier!
BUT…!
Chandler’s law!!
***
Suddenly, the door opened again, even though nopony had closed it before. The six ponies and the human stayed in silence when they saw who was there.
Hello, I’m here again! Oh, you all are here too! And another clone of me! Is her a changeling?
Uh, uh! Do you know what this calls for? A PARTY!!!
Eighth chapt-I'M NAMING THE CHAPTERS AGAIN!! PINKIE IS BACK!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Just let me go for the balloons and the food and the music and we’ll have the best we-meet-another-time-in-the-hospital-and-now-there-is-another-me-here party ever!!
P-pinkie? Uh… Uh, I-I don’t…
Aragón blinked twice before talking. ‘Woah. What the f*beeeeep*ck? Pinkie, where the h*beeeep*ll were you? Why are two pink ponies here?’ The human turned to the flat haired Pinkie. ‘Are you a changeling? Is the new Pinkie a changeling? Is this situation real? And why is now the word h*beeeepll censored? H*beeeep*ll. H*beeeep*ll!!’
Aragón, that’s not important now! This situation is…!
I was in your home, reading the comments! Did you know that there is a pony named RatherHomely who…?
Ok, now I’m sure the situation can’t be weirder. I’m completely lost. What the hay is happening here?
I don’t know! It’s possible that, since we’re all fake, there can be two Pinkies, but…
‘No.’ The Pinkie with the flat hair interrupted Twilight with a cold voice. ‘No. No, that doesn’t have any sense, Twi. One of us is fake.’
Aren’t we all fake?
‘I mean fake in another level. A different kind of…’
Fakiness?
A level? What do you mean? Like a cake?
No, she means… Well, yes. Like a cake. Girl, you’re fast.
No, I’m Pinkie! But why are you saying those things? You don’t seem very happy! What has happened, Dashie?
Well…
‘Let me explain it.’ Aragón cleared his throat with a small cough. ‘Jiggily-jiggily-jiggily-we’re all fake, characters in a story, some kind of existential crisis-jiggily-jiggily-now we have two Pinkies and we don’t have any clue about WHY-jiggily-jiggily-the word h*beeeep*ll is now censored.’
I hate to admit it, but that was a good explanation.
***
NO, NO, NO, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. THIS IS…
Oh, please, no, I don’t want any mental breakdown here. I’m trying to watch what they’re doing, ok?
BUT THIS…! TWO PINKIES?! I THOUGHT PINKIE HAD BECOME CRAZY BECAUSE SHE HAD READ RATHERHOMELY’S STORY! DID THE FANFIC SPLIT HER IN TWO OR…?!
Well, I could tell you, but that would be a spoiler.
AND WE’RE FAKE TOO?! I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!
Geeez. You know that things like that don’t matter. Now, if you could be quiet…
BUT…!
Huh, I think I’m gonna use “Pinkamena” for the emo-teenager Pinkie, and “Pinkie” for the canon-Pinkie. It’s easier to understand the narration.
SPIKE! LISTEN TO ME OR I’M GOING TO BURN THIS WHOLE HOUSE, FOR CELESTIAS’ SAKE!!
Eh… I’m a dragon. Fireproof, remember?
***
I think I can’t understand you, girls.
Aragón frowned. ‘Hey! I’m a boy!’
Ooopsie. I mean girls and Aragón.
Pinkamena stamped her hoof onto the ground. ‘Shut up!’ shouted. ‘This is important! Now, you, pink-talking pony…’
Yes?
‘Who the hell are you? You can’t be me, It’s impossible!’
Well, Maybe it’s not. You see, Pinkie, maybe the author has decided to create a new Pinkie Pie, and…
But why? Now we have two Pinkies. That doesn’t make any sense!
Hum… I think you aren’t explaining yourselves very well…
‘Oh, for Celestia’s sake!’ Pinkamena looked at Pinkie with anger in her eyes. ‘Can’t you see it, you idiot?! We both are the same pony, and unless you’re a fucking changeling, then we’re right in front of a paradox!’
Hey! There is no need to be rude!
Uh… You shouldn’t… be shouting…
‘Wait a moment.’ Aragón cleared his throat. ‘Ok, be quiet, please. I think I’ve discovered something.’
What?
‘Just let me…’ Slowly, the human inspired and closed his eyes. ‘H*beeeep*ll*! F*beeeep*ck!! Oh, for all the gods of my Nordic land, I’m being censored all the time and emo-Pinkie is saying everything she wants! That’s not fair!’
THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT!! Aragón, please, stop!!
‘But it is important, Twilight!’ The author frowned and pointed at Pinkamena. ‘She can do things I can’t! I’m the author –well, sorta, because this situation is weird as f*beeep*ck –so, I should be the one who can say whatever he wants!’
Uh, he has a point, sugarcube. Maybe the beep-a-sound is relevant.
Really? Why?
Well, that beep was nice. I like how it sounds.
‘No, that’s not the thing,’ said Pinkamena. ‘I can say words he can’t. That means that I have more… control than him.’
I think I get what you’re saying, but I’m going to ask because I haven’t talked in a while.
Ejem.
What do you mean? Control?
She means that she may be in another level than Aragón. A superior level, because the censorship can’t do anything with her.
‘Really?’ Aragón snorted. ‘So… I can’t say h*beeep*ll because I’m a fictional character in a story? Man, that s*bep*cks. OH, COME ON! THAT WORD TOO?!’
So now Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink is in a higher level of the cake?
This talk is making me hungry. Does anypony want a cupcake? I’m sure there is a kitchen here!
‘Please, shut up.’ Pinkamena stared at her clone with contempt. ‘Ok, now we’re under something important. The censorship can allow us to know exactly where we are in the cake.’
‘What’s the point to know that?’ The author raised an eyebrow. ‘We’re fake, the level in which we are is not important.’
He’s right, girls. After all, we are not…
No! Can’t you see it? Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink…
Your name is really long!
‘Shut up.’
…is in a higher level of the cake. So, from a certain point of view, we can say that she’s more real than him!
What?!
You mean… Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink…
***
No, really, they should use “Pinkamena” instead of that phrase. It’s much more comfortable, don’t you think?
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M NOT REAL! THAT DOESN’T…
For the sake of my green fire, please, stop with that.
***
…is not fake?
‘I can assure you I’m not completely real.’ Pinkamena smiled, but her eyes showed sadness at the same time. ‘I’m being narrated, so I have to be fictional. But, if I’m higher than Aragón…’
Then, that means that we can jump between levels?
Well, we started being narrated and controlled by Aragón and then we broke free. So technically we’ve already jumped.
‘You know, Pinkie… I think I’m hungry too.’
‘And why the hell are you saying this to me?’ Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you want one of my special cupcakes?
‘Eh, no.’ Aragón shivered. ‘I’m talking to Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink.’
Uh. uh, I sure want a special cupcake! Why is it special?
‘It’s made of rainbows,’ said Pinkamena.
I don’t know why, but that phrase was terrifying.
Girls, concentrate!
‘Hey! I’ve already said that I’m a boy! Stop excluding me!’
SHUT UP!
Ok, girls, we can guess who is higher or lower in the cake with the censorship, so let’s do it. I think that we can do something with that information.
Hum… Twi, aren’t we all in the same level? I mean, Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink may be higher than us, but we’ve already established that Aragón is lower because of the narration, right?
I don’t think so.
Why?
You’ll see.
Ok, Rainbow, you start. Try to say that word Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink said.
What word?
Pinkamena looked at the ceiling. ‘Hmm… try with “fuck”. Aragón can’t say it.’
‘Yeah. It’s one of my favorite words, but… ‘The author sighed. ‘F*beeep*ck. You see?’
Ok, ok. Let me try…
F*beeep*ck!! Ah! I can’t say it!
Well, that means that Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink is higher than you.
Ahá. That’s not good, right?
Fluttershy, do you mind?
Uh, wel… Ehm…
F-f*yay*ck. Huh?
Fluttershy, dear, did you just yay’d?
Uh… no, I didn’t. I mean… I tried to say f*yay*ck but –Oh! A-again!
But what the hay does that mean? Fluttershy doesn’t receive a “beep”? Why?
‘I don’t have any hypothesis. Twilight?’ asked Pinkamena.
Well, she is not like us. I mean, Aragón didn’t write about her, she came here because…
Irony. I remember that.
The invisible underlined alicorn said it!! I remember it too!
‘Oh, and I think I have a reason why she doesn’t have a “beep”.’ Aragón smiled. ‘Usually, the bronies use the “yay” we just listened instead of a “beep”.’
Why?
‘It’s a joke.’
A joke?
‘Yes, because the “yay” is very cute, and she’s quiet, and… and…’ Aragón sighed. ‘You’re looking at me like that again.’
Your jokes aren’t funny.
Ok, ok, ok. Let me get this straight. Fluttershy is different but she can’t say the word, so she’s in a lower level than Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink. Maybe she’s in the same that Aragón.
Now, Rarity, your turn.
Oh, of course. Et-jem.
“F*beep*ck.”
Oh, my, I can’t say it. I’m lower than Pinkie-who…
No, wait, wait! Now, say it in purple!
What?
Oh, Rarity can talk in purple. That’s because Aragón tried to…
‘THERE IS NO REASON TO BRING BACK THOSE MEMORIES, PINKIE!!!!’ shouted Aragón. ‘Let’s said… she’s special, ok? Ok. Phew. Heh, heh. Nopony wants to know what I did.’
Uh…
Rarity, please.
Ok, ok. If you say so…
Here we go. Fuck. Oh!
What?!
How did you do that?
‘Ok, I wasn’t expecting this.’ Pinkamena blinked. ‘But, now that I think about it… The invisible underlined alicorn said something about “purple is power”, right?’
Exactly!! Rarity told me about it, and I’ve been trying to understand it since then. For some reason, the purple means a higher level. You gained that power when you broke free, right, Rarity?
Well, yes.
That’s because, when you broke free, you jumped from one level to another! The only thing I don’t know is why I’m talking in purple too.
I mean, look at this: Fuck. See? I can say it.
You can talk in two colors too, Twilight?
Uh-huh. I can talk in green too, but I don’t like it.
‘But, if you can say “fuck” in one color but you can’t in another… then, You’re lower or higher than Aragón?’
Eeeer… I don’t know. This is so… weird…
Huh.
“F*beep*ck”. Oh, I can’t say it.
‘So…’ Aragón raised an eyebrow. ‘Three of us can’t say “f*beeep*ck”, two of us can in certain color, another one can’t say it and when she tries we can hear a “yay”, and the last one can say it but she’s being narrated.’
Exactly.
‘I STILL CAN’T UNDERSTAND ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!’
‘Let’s be honest: that information can be useful in the future, but now it’s not. I’m being narrated, but I can say “fuck”. Then, I’m lower or higher than Rainbow Dash or Applejack?’ asked Pinkamena. ‘For now, we’re back at the beginning.’
Well, you’re right, but at least now we’re doing something besides being depressed. And, you can say that…
Hum… Applejack?
Yes?
I hate to agree with the retarded author, but… what’s the point of all this? We’re still fake. We have no life. The level in which we are is not important. At the end, it’s all the same…
Sigh…
You’re right, sugarcube. And Twilight and Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink know that too. This is pointless. But, we must try something. Plan something. Just… they’re trying to cheer us up, to make us forget our existencial crisis. They’re just trying to make us happy, Rainbow. So, don’t say that, or Fluttershy, or Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink or Rarity will hear you.
Oh.
I--- I didn’t notice it. Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a… a jerkass.
Don’t worry, Rainbow. You just said what you thought. There is nothing bad about it.
Well… thanks.
Hum… Applejack.
Yes?
Can I ask you a question?
You’ve already ask twice, but of course you can.
Well… How did you done it? I mean, how can you understand all that egg-head stuff? You, Twilight and Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink are the ones who explain everything…
Well, I just understand it, sugarcube. I’m not as stupid as you think, it seems.
…
Rainbow? Are you okay?
I… I don’t think you’re stupid.
What?
You… you don’t use fancy words, and I’ve never seen you reading a book in Twilight’s library, but you always know what to do. You’re, like, the mother of the team. You always have an answer, and you never say nothing without thinking it twice or so. And, you know where to put the baskets while you’re applebucking so the apples never fall on the dirt! That’s one of the most clever things I’ve ever seen!
Well… you… you seem to know a lot about… me.
…
I-I also think you’re smart, Rainbow. So…
…
…
‘Teeeeh-heh-heh-heh.’ An evil laugh broke the silence between the two mares. Still sitting on his bed, Aragón was looking at them and smiling. ‘Teeeh-heh-heh… I saw it…’
You saw what?! Because I’m going to crush you again if you don’t…!!!
Rainbow! Now it’s not the moment!
Oh, Twilight, darling, we’ve forgotten Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink.
I left her on purpose. I have the feeling that this is going to be… shocking.
[color=cornfloweblue]Shocking?
It’s Pinkie we’re talking about. Well, one of them.
Ok, Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, can you…?
Oki-doki-loki! How do you want it? In which color?
You can talk in more than one color?
Of course! I can talk like this, or like this, or like this, or like this, or like this, or like this, or like this or…
Gah!
Oh, my!
What the hay?!
Ouch! My eyes!
IIIIIIIIH!!
‘What the fuck?!’ shouted Pinkamena.
‘COMIC SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!!! Also, that scared the sh*beeep*t outta me. Please, don’t do it again.’
Why?
…just don’t do it.
Ok, we can agree now: Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink is higher than us in the cake.
Do you want me to say the word?
Eh… no. No. It’s not needed anymore.
Ok, you seem to have some kind of powers here, Pinkie who-talks-in-pink.
I was thinking… you haven’t said anything about the situation, Maybe you can explain what’s happening?
Explain? Pinkie? She doesn’t know anything! She said it before!
But maybe now she knows something. Or maybe she was asking why we were sad. After such demonstration of power, I’m willing to believe absolutely everything.
So, Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, can you explain us what has happened until now?
***
You know, with eight people in the same room, some ponies simply doesn’t talk. Fluttershy is slowly transforming into a tree, judging for how much she speaks…
OH CELESTIA, YOU AREN’T LISTENING TO ME YET…
…Sigh. Ok, I’m listening, I’m listening. What do you want? Just say it fast and let me watch the ponies talking!
JUST…! JUST EXPLAIN ME THIS! I’M NOT REAL?! HOW CAN I BE FAKE?! I’M ONE OF THE…!
Just because they said you’re fake doesn’t mean that they’re right. Stop worrying about that.
BUT THE THINGS THEY SAID MAKE SENSE! IF THEY’RE FAKE, THEN YOU AND I…!
They were created by me. I’m the real author of this story. I thought you already knew that.
BUT YOU’RE EQUESTRIAN TOO! AND, IF EQUESTRIA IS NOT REAL, THEN YOU CAN’T BE REAL! AND THAT MEANS THAT I’M FAKE TOO! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!
Uh-huh. Ok, you’re fake. Congratulations. Now, if you excuse me…
HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?! OUR LIFE IS A LIE!
You’re a bird made of fire. An immortal bird made of fire. Did you really thought you were real? Please…
I… I JUST…
…
ONE MOMENT. YOU’VE JUST EXPLAINED WHO I AM? WHY? I THOUGHT IT WAS A MAJOR PLOT POINT…
And it’s a major plot point. But “who you are” is not the same as “what you are”, and we’re in the eighth chapter, so maybe it’s time for you to stop being named “Invisible Underlined Alicorn”, Peewee.
I LIKED THAT PSEUDONYM.
You’re a phoenix. That’s almost as cool as being a dragon.
BUT “PEEWEE” IS A HORRIBLE NAME.
I think it’s a good name. I made it.
…YES, I KNOW.
BUT REALLY, I STILL BELIEVE THAT SAYING MY NAME LIKE THAT IS A BAD IDEA. SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING SOUNDS STUPID…
What part of “who you are is not the same as what you are” didn’t you understand?
BUT THE READERS…
Don’t worry about the readers. Look:
FLASHBACK TIME!
I'M THE ONE AN ONLY. THE PAST, THE FUTURE AND THE PRESENT. I'M YOU AND I'M EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT YOU. I'M THE SOUL OF THE WORLD, THE MIND OF THE LIVING, THE BODY OF THE LAND. I'M YOUR DREAM, I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. I'M THE ONE WHO CONTROLS YOU, AND I'M THE ONE WHO IS CONTROLLED EVERY SECOND. FOR I AM THE ONE, AND YOU ARE THE OTHER.
THAT’S… CHAPTER THREE, RIGHT?
Yes. I’m reminding it to the readers, so now everybody will be completely lost now. The plot is complicated again. Can we return back to the ponies now?
…
OK, I’LL STOP. AFTER ALL, I WAS A FOOL FOR NOT REALISING I’M FAKE. IT’S AN AWFUL TRUTH, BUT I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT, SO…
Hallelujah. Now, back to the…
NO, WAIT.
What?
I’M FAKE. BUT, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I said BACK TO THE PONIES!!
***
So, Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, can you explain what’s happening? What did you do in Aragón’s house?
‘And how did you open the door without the keys?’ asked the author. ‘What? Why are you looking at me like that? That’s a legitimate question, and I have the right to…!’
I entered the house from the window!
Aragón nodded. ‘Ok, I just wanted to know.’ He paused for a few seconds. ‘Wait a moment, the window? YOU BROKE MY WINDOW?!’
Twilight, if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to gag him.
Please. I beg you. Make him stop.
‘Oh, no, no, MY WINDOW IS BROKEN!! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO…!‘
The human couldn’t finish the line. With a blue light, Rarity closed Aragon’s mouth as if the human had a zip on his lips.
‘Thank you’ said Pinkamena. ‘Now, if we can talk about the important things, maybe we can…’
Hey, Aragón, stop trying to unzip your mouth! Grown-ups are talking!
Uh, I think I can explain this! It's easy!
Oh, yes? Really?
Of course! Ok, let Auntie Pinkie say it.
First, Aragón started the story, and I joined him, because it was going to be fun! And then, we wrote everything, and you noticed, and then he tried to do meanie things, but Rarity and Rainbow stopped him and hit him with a baseball bat, and then he went to the hospital and then we visited him and talked about censorship and cakes and levels. And now we’re here!
…
…
Well, I already knew that.
Uh… Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink? We knew that, we are asking you if you know why are two Pinkies here…
‘You see, Twilight? She doesn’t know anything. Stupid pink pon-‘
Oh, that’s easy-peasy! I saw her in Aragón’s computer, and then she came! I saw her moving! She’s a changeling, right?
Wait a moment. What? You mean, she was inside Aragón’s computer?
‘Huh?’ Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. ‘I remember perfectly reading RatherHomely’s stories, realizing the meaning of my life and then reading grimdark fics. I was not inside anything…’
Uh, but you were! And, hey, I read that story too! All those Pinkies are funny, right?
So, then Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink is the real one?
What do you mean with “real”? She isn’t fake?
No, she’s like us… right, Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink?
‘I don’t know. I’m fake, but I’ve been here, in this story, since the very beginning. Now, the other Pinkie…’
Uh, I’ve been here since the beginning too! We’re “here-since-the-beginning” pals! So you know what this calls for? A PART-
‘No. I don’t want any party right now.’
Uhm… girls? I think Aragón wants to say something…
Oh, you’re right, darling. He’s pointing his leg, and… Gummy?
Hey, Gummy! Here you are! When did you bit Aragón again!
The author was trying to talk, but the zip in his mouth didn’t allow him to. Slowly, Pinkamena approached him. ‘He’s pointing Gummy and me? Why?’
Hey Applejack, do you think that alligator can understand us?
I’ve always thought that he’s some kind of… “special”. I mean, I’ve never seen him walk, or something.
Rarity, unzip Aragón. I think he may say something important…
‘I don’t think so.’ Pinkamena looked at Twilight and shook her head. ‘Judging by his face, I think he’s only trying to say that Gummy is hurting him. Come on, Gummy, come with Pinkie…’
Oh, well, at least now all of them are talking. You know, I was thinking about splitting them in two teams because then the conversation would be much more… More…
…
…
…
Spike! Hey, Spike! Hello!
‘What the…? Spike?’ asked Pinkamena. ‘What are you doing here?’
Spikey-wickey?
Uh-oh.
I forgot putting the asterisks, right?
***
YES, YOU FORGOT IT.
***
Euh…
Hello? Glad to see you again, girls?
SPIKE! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TALKED IN GREEN!!
What?! He’s the guy who was a level above us the whole time?!
SPIKE!! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!
Ooook, I’m fucked.
Eh… I was… talking with the invisible underlined alicorn?
But… you’re one level above us? Why?
That’s because I’m… Euh… another author? Like Aragón, but more cool.
But…
But you’re equestrian too! So you’re fake! That means that there is a creator who created the creator who created…!
No.
..the creator and- ! What?
I said NO! This is not Spike.
What?!
But he is Spike! I mean, look at him!
He sure looks like Spike.
‘Twilight, what do you mean?’ asked Pinkamena.
Y-yeah! It’s me, Twilight! Why are you pointing me with your horn and ohmyshe’sgoingtoblowmeup…
You are not Spike. I’ve raised him since he was an egg. I know his smell, I know his eyes. Yours are green too, but a bit darker.
You’re not Spike. Who are you?!
***
WHAT?! YOU’RE NOT SPIKE?! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!
***
Oh… Oh, Celestia! She’s right! H-his eyes!
Really? I don’t see anything strange in his eyes…
They’re right, Rainbow! This is not my Spikey-wickey! The color is different!
‘I can’t see any difference. ‘ Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. ‘I guess the fashionista knows more about colors than me.’
But, if you’re not Spike, then who are you?!
…
I’m Sp-
SHUT UP AND SAY THE TRUTH!!
Ok, I see that the stress has hit you, Twilight. You seemed the most peaceful pony in the room, but now I see that’s a façade.
I SAID…!
Stop.
…!
TWILIGHT!!
You bastard! What have you don-!
You too. Stop. All of you.
…!
…!
…!
[color=cirnflowerblue]…!
…!
‘…!’
Here, I’m omnipotent. You can’t do anything against me. I’ m the author, and you’re just characters. So stop being impolite with your… father.
I’ve been very considerate. I’ve left you do what you wanted, just watching you. But now, I think it’s time to get dangerous.
I started this because I was bored, and now you’re going to entertain me. Try to break free if you can, but I assure you: you can’t.
That hit hurt, Twilight. And now, your friends and Aragón are going to suffer. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
…!
Now, SPLIT!!
*bzeeeep*
***
WHAT… WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?! WHO ARE YOU?!
AND… GAH! WHY CAN’T I MOVE?!
***
They’re now in another place. I’ve split them in four teams, and now they’re going to entertain me, I don’t mind if they want.
And you can’t move because I say so. As I’ve said before, here I’m omnipotent.
***
TWILIGHT WAS RIGHT!! YOU’RE NOT SPIKE, YOU’RE NOT THE REAL AUTHOR!! WHO ARE YOU?! HOW DID YOU FOOL ME?!!
***
Peewee, you’re a bird. You’re colorblind and you don’t have a nose. It was impossible for you to catch my disguise.
***
WHO ARE YOU?!! WHAT ARE YOU?!!!
***
Oh, please. I’m not answering that question.
But… as you’re so persistent…
I’ll give you a clue
Intermedio - Each word is important
…I’ll give you a clue.
N-NO!! THAT CAN’T BE…! YOU CAN’T BE…!!
Oh, you should see your face. Priceless. It’s a shame you don’t have a narration, right?
YOU… Y*beep beeeep beep beeeeeeeeep* YOU beeeeep beeeeep beeeep bep beeeeep beeeeeeep beeep bep beeeeeep IMPOSSIBLE beep beep bep DO THIS!!! I’LL –GAH?!
Oh, no, you’re not going to say that.
YOU… YOU CAN CONTROL ME?! YOU AND I ARE IN THE SAME LEVEL!! IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!
Oh, poor Peewee. My little bird, it’s true that I can’t control you as I do with your friends. It’s true that you don’t have a narrator and that your power here is huge. But don’t think that you’re in the same level as me. Because…
*Crick*
GAH!!
You’re…
*Crack*
GAAAH!! STOP!!
A stupid…!
*Craaaack*
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP!! IT HURTS!!
Bird!
*CRACK!*
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
So stop being so self-centered and learn what’s your place. Now, be quiet. I want to enjoy your friends’ adventures. It sure will be fun, right?
GGGGH… Y-YOU… MONSTER… Y*beep beeeep beep beep beeeeeeeeep*-AGH!!
Ok, I see you don’t get it. You aren’t going to say absolutely anything about that, ok? Because the readers can, well, read you. So, be quiet, bird.
THE… READERS?
Uh-huh. Never forget that, Peewee. The readers can see everything we do. So, even though your friends can’t hear you, the people who are reading us will tell them everything.
YOU’RE… BREAKING THE F-FOURTH WALL AGAIN…
Oh, of course. Now we can read the comments again. I mean, Pinkie is Pinkamena now, so the damage is already done.
THEY… ARE INSULTING YOU… YOU MONSTER…
Why, yes. But they can’t hurt me, so let them say what they want.
THE… CLUE…
IT’S… THEY AREN’T GETTING THE…
Oh, please, stop being so melodramatic. I’ve broken your wings, it’s not so painful. There is no reason for you to talk like that.
B-BROKE YOUR FUCKING WINGS, AND THEN TELL ME, YOU MONSTER!
See? Now you can talk normal! Much better, bird. Much better.
YOU…
Yeah, “me”. You’re saying that a lot, did you know?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!
Oh, please, the reason is obvious. I mean…
*HERE COMES TOM, BITCH!!!*
ARGH!!
*BONK*
AUCH!! MY HEAD!! WHO THE HELL HAS THROWN ME A FUCKING ROCK?!!
HEH-HEH-HEH… NOW WHO’S THE ONE WHO–
*CRACK!!*
–GAAAAAAARGH!!!
DON’T LAUGH AT ME, YOU STUPID BIRD!!
*Tosses the Elements of Harmony to the ponies*
Ha, ha, ha!
OH, AND NOW YOU’RE DOING THAT?!! HA!!!
So, you’re a reader, right?! And you thought you were smart doing that?! Well, congratulations. You’ve hit me with a rock. But, the sad thing is that you’ve also thrown me the Elements of Harmony. Yeah, you wanted to toss them to the ponies, right? It’s a shame that they’re not here. Thanks for the gift!
HNNNNNNGG…!!
*CRASH*
HA!
Now… Bird!!
GGGH…
WAKE UP, STUPID BIRD!! Do you see what I have here? DO YOU SEE IT?!
N-NO…
Yes, you can see them. The Elements. What’s up with the Elements, Peewee? Can you say it?
NO…
SAY IT!!
NO…!
SAY IT OR THAT CUTE LITTLE DRAGON YOU LOVE IS GOING TO SUFFER MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!!!
SPIKE?! YOU HAVE SPIKE?! YOU MONSTER!!!
SAY IT!!!
*Crack*
GAAAAAAARGH!!! T-THE ELEMENTS!! Y-YOU HAVE THE ELEMENTS ON YOUR HAND!!
Aaaand?
THEY… THEY ARE…
Come on, little bird. The life of your dragon depends on your words.
THEY… ARE…
THEY ARE BROKEN.
Ha! You see? Victory! Now, the ponies don’t have any kind of weapon to hurt me. What a shame, right?
HOW…?
It’s easy, Peewee. I don’t like rules, but sometimes you have to follow them to reach your goal. And, you know, the rules aren’t that bad… specially if you’re the only one who knows them.
SO… YOU NEEDED ME TO SAY THAT THE ELEMENTS WERE BROKEN…
That’s not entirely true. I could have said it and the effect would have been the same. I just wanted to be cruel, you know.
R-READERS… S*beep beeeeeeeep*S…
Oh, and now you’re trying to talk to the readers? Very clever, bird, very clever. But, even though you seemed so wise before, now it seems like you’re becoming more and more stupid with each word you say.
I can censor you, Peewee. You aren’t going to say anything.
…
And now…
THIS…
Huh?
THIS… IS A COMEDY…
Beg pardon?
YOU SAID IT BEFORE… THIS STORY CAN’T BE DRAMATIC, THIS IS A COMEDY… BUT… YOU’RE…
Oh, right. The tags say “comedy” and “random”. So technically this can’t be happening. I mean, I’m torturing you, and I’m threatening Spike’s life.
SO…
So, I see that you also know the rules of this world. That’s… weird. But, well, I guess that maybe the readers are right. One said that you’re on the same level than me, or maybe right under me. Another said that you’re a metaphor about the “good fics”. Or maybe a parody. And, of course, you’re “the body of the land” and that stuff…
…
So, maybe I should have expected it. You’re a very important character, so you know a lot.
THAT’S…
Oh, sorry, I got sidetracked. Like I was saying…
Yeah, I said that this is a comedy. So, following the rules of this world, I can’t do what I’m doing right now.
But, guess what?
I lied.
…!
And, you wanted to know why am I doing all this? Well, the answer is easy.
Aragón is a bad writer.
So I’m acting like this because I’m evil.
...!
Guy-who-hasn’t-appeared-yet’s note: Hey! I’m the character who hasn’t appeared yet in the story, as you can guess because of the underlined words. You may remember me from the last chapter, when –no, wait. That note was erased.
Huh.
Well, I’ll assume that you didn’t read my last note, but that doesn’t matter. The thing is: As a reader, you have to know some things, and let’s say that Peewee can’t talk to you right now.
So I’ll be the one who talks this time.
First of all, you’ve seen that you can interact with the story. Given the nature of this fic, “reader” is itself a character, so you have some kind of power. If you post in the comments some action between asterisks (*like this*), it will appear in the story. Images may appear too, but that’s very strange.
BUT –and that’s an important “but” –don’t get this wrong. This story is NOT some kind of a “choose-your-own-adventure” fic, it’s more like a strange story that can be modified if you’re clever. The characters will act on their own, and some actions aren’t allowed. I guess you can figure what I’m talking about (*tosses Pinkie a McGuffin that allows her to fix everything*, *kills Discord* or *tosses “Guy-who-hasn’t-appeared-yet” a bag full of money*, for example. Mostly I’m talking about things that can break the story or change it too much. Well, maybe the bag of money would be fine. I mean, money can’t be so harmful, right?). I hope those things don’t count as roleplaying.
Second: This is not an author’s note. It’s part of the story. So, as readers are geniuses, You can try to guess how the story works with what I’m saying, or how am I saying it.
Third: Look at the tags. This story is a comedy and it’s marked as “random”. Do you think that those tags are right? Because I’m thinking about changing them… but, how? “Dark”? This is “dark”? No, right? Even with the things that had happened on the last chapter, this is still a comedy. I hope so.
Fourth: I’m not the body of the land, but I’m the guy who discovered it, so I have a little bit of power. And, being honest, I don’t like how that one who talks in green is doing those things. Screw him!
In other words: Remember the clue? Fake-Spike was cheating. It’s true that it can help you, but it’s a trap. Don’t think about what they’re saying. Think about the song itself. It’s pretty hard, though. Fake-Spike doesn’t play fair.
Fifth: Man, there is no fourth wall on this story. Does that mean that this is meta? As in “no-meta-stories-on-fimfiction” meta?
Sixth: This is it! The end! I’ll stop talking because I also want to know what has happened to our heroes!
But first, a little bit of music!
You’re with me.
In every word I say,
in every hour.
Of every single day,
in all I do…
I’m just a part of you.
Manowar –“Father”
*bzeeeep*
A flash of light, a strange sound, and suddenly everything turned black for Aragón.
His body was completely frozen. He couldn’t move and his limbs felt like ice: a horrible cold was advancing from his fingers to his chest. Neither his eyes nor his mouth could move.
His stomach felt funny, and his hair was flowing with the wind. His entire body was trembling with vertigo. Even without seeing anything, Aragón knew he was falling.
The author didn’t have much talent with the words, so he couldn’t think a way to describe the fear he was experimenting. Being blind, frozen and falling, he thought death was very close.
Aragón had heard a lot of times before that, when you’re going to die, you see your life. Like a movie or something -he hadn’t paid much attention to the exact details. He had also heard that, when your body is full with adrenaline, you can think very fast and it’s normal to have incredibly clever ideas or life-changing revelations.
Sadly, the human had his eyes closed so he couldn’t see anything. And the “life-changing revelations” didn’t appear, because his mind was filled with more important things.
“OH GOD I’M GONNA DIE I DON’T WANNA DIE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
And then, something happened.
*Tosses Aragón a detailed How-to-write-well guide*
Something hit his head. It was a strong hit, and the author felt the softness of the paper on his forehead.
“Ouch,” thought. All his fear disappeared for a moment, the only thing in his head was the pain. It wasn’t really a big deal: after all, he had been hit with a bat less than a day ago and compared to that, a little book was nothing…
“Wait a moment,” thought Aragón. “I can’t see anything. How can I know that I was hit by a book? I mean, yeah, I felt something like paper, but even I know that I’m not clever enough to guess something like that.
But I’m sure that I was hit by a book… a How-to-write-well guide. A very detailed one. How can I know that? Because I read the black text above me? Does that mean that I can break the fourth wall? But I couldn’t before…”
Then, the realization hit him with far more strength that the book.
“No…” the author would have shaken his head if he could have moved. “No, that’s not true. I used to break the fourth wall on the firsts chapters, when I wrote the story with Pinkie. Yeah, I remember that! And that’s not all; I even played with the asterisks once!
But… but when some character breaks the fourth wall, that means that he is aware of his condition as a character, right? That’s the thing Deadpool does almost every chapter. But I didn’t know that I was fictional!! And then, what’s wrong with Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink? She’s not the real Pinkie or…?
A-and more! I used to break the fourth wall. So I knew, at least subconsciously, that I was a simple character on a story. Then, when I discovered –consciously this time –that I had been created, I lost that ability? And now I have it again? Our confrontation against that thing that disguised himself as Spike brought back that memory?”
A lot of questions, and he couldn’t think any answer. Of course, the fact that he was falling down into certain death didn’t help a little.
“…And by the way, who was that fake Spike? Now we have a bad guy? Did we need a bad guy?” He paused for a second. Thinking about those things helped keeping apart the fear, so he started again. “Fake-Spike, Fake-Spike… Someone disguised as Spike… With green eyes…
Hey, wait a minute. How the hell didn’t I guess it before? It’s clear as day!
Ok, now I’m going to think the real identity of Fake-Spike as slowly as possible, because I’m sure that absolutely nothing can stop me.
The real name…
Of Fake-Spike…
Is…”
*Throws “Writer’s block” at Discord*
“…Aaaaaand now I have no idea because I’ve forgotten it SOMEHOW.
Wow. That was anticlimactic.
Okay. In hindsight, maybe I should have seen that coming. I mean, it would have been a surprise if I had said it. I’m starting to understand the “comedy” tag.
And, using my amazing fourth-wall-breaking powers, I can see that the readers know that Fake-Spike is Discord. I guess it makes sense?
Wait a moment. How can I read the comments if I can’t see anyth-?”
*Throws said hammer*
Something hit the author again, but this time it was way stronger than the book. He could feel blood flowing on his forehead before passing out.
***
THAT WAS… CRUEL.
That was funny, and you know it. And what did you want? That hammer was going to hurt. And I’ve have enough with the rock, thanks.
MAYBE YOU’VE KNOCKED OUT ARAGÓN…
I didn’t do anything. The readers did it.
…BUT THERE ARE STILL SEVEN PONIES THAT WILL FIGHT YOU! AND YOU CAN’T WIN, YOU MONSTER!
Believe me, bird: you are wrong.
YOU ARE TIRED. I CAN SEE IT IN YOU EYES, IN THE WAY YOU’RE MOVING. YOU’RE FEELING WEAKER EVERY SEC...
*Crack*
AAAAAARGH!!
Maybe I wasn’t clear enough before, Peewee. You don’t want to make me angry, so stop saying those things.
…
But now that you say it… I need a rest. But don’t worry, I know exactly how to recover while playing…
Now I’m going. And don’t move, you stupid bird. If you move, I’ll know. And little Spikey-wickey life will be shorter than his eyelashes.
HE DOESN’T HAVE EYELASHES…
Exactly.
*Swooosh*
…
I’M… I’M SORRY, GIRLS. BUT SOMETIMES, WE MUST SACRIFICE ONE THING TO GAIN ANOTHER.
I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME IN THE FUTURE.
***
Zecora’s house
*Bzeeeep*
*Thump*
Ugh! My… my head! It hur-Wah! Where am I?! Girls?! GIRLS?!
Hnnng…
Rainbow?! Rainbow, are you okay?!
…Applejack? Applejack, where are you? I-I can’t see anything…
Rainbow, I’m right here! Spike –or that thing disguised as him, Fake-Spike –teleported us here, somehow, we need to –AARGH!!
A-Applejack?
Oh, oh my Celestia…! Rainbow…!
I can’t see anything! Applejack, what’s happening?!
I can’t… this can’t be…
AJ, tell me what’s happening?! Why can’t I see you?! Why can’t I see nothing?!
Rainbow…
Your… your eyes. You… T-there is blood, and… Oh, Celestia and Luna… R-rainbow…
But, but I don’t feel pain! How bad is it?!
It’s…
I don’t… I don’t know, I…
TELL ME!
I… don’t think that… -sob –I don’t think that you’ll be able to… see again, Rainbow.
…
…
Heh… heh, heh… W-why are you crying, AJ?” Rainbow tried to smile, but she failed. Her eyes, or at least the thing that once had been her eyes, searched for her friend, trying to look at her direction. “T-that’s not true, right? I-it’s impossible for me to be blind! I mean, one day I’ll be a Wonderbolt, and they need t-to have a very good sight!
Rainbow… I…
T-this is a joke! This is a joke, right?! THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE! I CAN’T BE BLIND!” The mare was shouting with all her strength. Her voice showed fear. “I WON’T BE BLIND!!! I NEED MY EYES!
I CAN’T HAVE LOST MY SIGHT, APPLEJACK!!! THAT CAN’T BE TRUE!
R-rainbow… R-rainbow!” Applejack shouted too, trying to sound louder than her friend, trying to calm her. Trying not to cry like a little filly when she looked at her friend’s eyes. “D-don’t let this…
I CAN’T BE BLIND, GODDAMNIT! I CAN’T BE BLIND!”
Tears were falling from Rainbow’s eyes, her entire body trembling. Still fighting against her own fear, Applejack hugged her friend and pressed her against her chest. “Rainbow, calm down!” Shouted. “CALM DOWN!”
Between the earth pony’s legs, Rainbow Dash started to cry.
***
Ghastly Gorge
*Bzeeeep*
*Thump*
Augh!
Ugh! Ow, my head! I feel horrible!
Hnnng… My horn… it hurts… Ah! Rarity, are you okay?!
Yes, yes, don’t worry. It’s just… that was horrible, Twilight! My body was frozen, and I…!
You couldn’t move. I know. I’ve felt the same. That fake Spike was some kind of a spell caster. He frozen us and split us.
I know, I know. I was listening. But, what was that thing?! I wasn’t expecting something like that to happen!
I don’t know. And I’m surprised too. But we can’t lose our mind here, Rarity. Spike’s life…
…May be in danger. I know, my dear. I have a... feeling. This is dangerous.
Yes. It’s –wait a second! What the hay?!
Uhm?
Listen to us! Why are we so… calmed? Even I know that I’m very profile to worry and lose my mind, but I’m as relaxed as if I was on the spa!
Well, darling, we’re two intelligent, independent ladies that can control themselves. I don’t see the problem here.
No, Rarity, this is dangerous. Don’t you get it?! Our team has been split in who knows how many parts, a strange being disguised as Spike –OUR SPIKE –has casted a spell on us and we seem to be in the strange gorge where Rainbow ran the race against Tank and the other pets-wannabe! We should be horrified!
Well, you seem horrified right now.
Yes, but because I don’t feel horrified about the things I just said! That’s a completely different thing!
Twilight, I think that you have to calm down. I don’t see the –ah! My mane! Oh, what a shame, it seems like the Fake-Spike’s spell has messed it up. Why didn’t you tell me before?
Because it wasn’t important!
Well, I guess I can see your point. More important things are happening now…
…
One moment. What?! Did I just say that?!
Don’t you see it?! We’re acting out of character!
Oh my, I can’t believe I just said that my mane is not important enough for you to look at it! Now I’m scared!
I know! We couldn’t act out of character before, so why are we doing it now?! This can’t be happening! We’re being controlled again by…!
DON’T BE AFRAID, TWILIGHT… THIS ISN’T… DANGerOuss…
Ah! Invisible underlined alicorn?!
Invisible underlined alicorn! Where are you?! Did Fake-Spike move you with us?!
NO… I’M Far AWAy, TWiLIGHT… AND I’M AfrAID… I Can’T HELP YOU VERY MUCH…
What are you saying? You’re far away? But you sound like if you were right here! Although I must admit that I can’t hear you very well… your voice sounds weak.
HEH… THaT’S BECause IT’S DIFFICuLT TO ME TO… ConcENTRAte RIGHT N-nOW…
Invisible underlined alicorn?! What’s happening?! And where are you?!
I’M… TRAPPED BY FAKE-SPIKE. LISTEN… MY TELEPATHIC BOND IS WeaKER EVERY SEcoND… WE HAVE TO H-HURRY…
***
Carousel Boutique
*Bzeeeep*
*Thump*
Auch! My head! What the…?! Huh?! Rarity’s place?!
Hey! Rainbow! Over here!
AJ! What the hay just happened?! What was that?! A fake Spike sent us here?! If this is some kind of a joke from the auth –hey, why are you lying down like that? Are you okay?
Oh, heh, don’t worry; I’m just a little dizzy. You know, the fall and all that stuff…
Huh. I thought you were made from a stronger steel, AJ! But, now that you mention it, what was that? A spell? I swear I couldn’t move at all!
Yeah, yeah, I know. Twilight said that Spike didn’t smell like Spike, and next thing I know, I feel completely frozen and can’t even blink.
Well, at least it seems like now we’re ok… but, where are we?
I don’t know. It seems like we’re on Ponyville, but everything is so… quiet.
Too quiet.
Hmm. I don’t like this. We should search for the girls, don’t you think?
Sure. You take care of the city; I’ll fly to Sweet Apple Acres and the Everfree Forest and look after somepony from the sky.
As you say! Time to –Ugh!
Applejack! Hey, be caref -Agh!
By the feathers of Celestia, you’re pale as a ghost! Are you sure you’re ok?!
Ooopsie! Heh, sorry, it’s just… just…
Ugh…
*Thump*
APPLEJACK! Oh, no, this can’t be happening! Hey, Applejack! Look at me! Open your eyes!
It’s… nothing. I’m just tired… I know I just need some rest” said the mare. Her eyes were closed, sweat covered her body. The pony was trembling. “My… my legs are feeling funny, you know?Like if they were still frozen…”
What?! You should have told me that before! Hey!
Hey, hey… don’t need to worry, ok? It’s not so serious… You should go and search for the girls…”
Ha! Rainbow frowned. “As if! I’m [color=]not letting you here, Applejack! If I go, I’ll do it when I’m sure you’re okay!”
The orange mare smiled, and suddenly her face frowned with pain. “Ugh” said. Now you’re being a bit melodramatic, sugarcube…”
And you’re very pale! You don’t seem right!”
Ignoring the words of her friend, Dash approached Applejack and put and put her head right next to her friend’s. “Hey. I think you should open your eyes, I’ve heard that it’s dangerous to fall asleep when you’re hurt.”
Applejack nodded, but she didn’t open her eyes. “I’ll… I’ll try to do it, I swear. Just… just let me sleep a bit before…”
Applejack! Listen! I –Darn!” Rainbow had put a hoof on her friend’s forehead. “My Celestia, you’re frozen!”
“Told me about it…” Applejack’s voice sounded weaker every second. Her eyes were still closed. “I just… need… some sleep…”
“Applejack! No!” Rainbow shook her friend, but she didn’t move. “Hey! Don’t do this! You’re stronger than this, AJ! A little cold can’t hurt you! HEY!”
Dash looked with horror at her friend’s face. She was even paler than before –her face was almost the same color as her mane.
Fear gripped the pegasus. Applejack wasn’t answering her. She seemed asleep, but her breath was almost inexistent. And her temperature was so low that she wasn’t even trembling.
Fearing for her friend’s life, Dash hugged the orange mare, trying to warm her. The cold advanced slowly on her body.
***
Fluttershy’s house
*Bzeeeep*
*Thump*
Aw! What was that?! That Fake-Spike was a meanie-sweanie-floofy-pants! That wasn’t funny!
Uh? Aragón? Are you okay? There is tomato sauce on your forehead! And what’s this? Uh! A hammer! And a book! Hey, Aragón, wake up, look at this!
***
Zecora’s house
Applejack embraced the blue pegasus with all her strength. Dash was still shouting with a broken voice, and the earth pony could feel blood on her chest, where the head of her friend was.
“THIS CAN’T BE!” cried Rainbow. “THIS CAN’T BE, APPLEJACK! MY EYES! THEY TOOK MY EYES!”
AJ shook her head. “Calm down! Hey! You need to…!”
“I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN, GODDAMNIT!” With sudden strength, Dash pushed apart the orange pony and shouted at her with anger on her face. “I DON’T…!”
Plaf!
Dash stopped at the moment. Silence filled the air as the blue mare raised a hoof and touched her cheek with surprise.
Applejack was breathing heavily. "Sorry," said. “But you needed that. Calm down, sugarcube. I… know this is hard, but…”
“Hard?” Rainbow dash laughed. “Hard, you say?! I’ll never be able to fly again! I’ll never be able to join the Wonderbolts!”
The pegasus lowed her head. She was trembling again, Applejack could see it. Slowly, carefully, Dash approached the farm mare. “I’ll never be able…” She put her head against AJ’s shoulder. “…to see you again.”
Applejack felt tears down her cheek again. Sobbing, she hugged Dash again and kissed her on the head. “I’m sorry, sugarcube… I’m sorry…”
And then, the farm mare paused. After a few seconds without saying anything, she opened her eyes. “Rainbow…”
Her friend didn’t say anything.
“Rainbow!
“Huh?”
It was impossible for the pegasus to react. In less than two seconds, Applejack pushed apart her and hit her in the face. This time, however, it wasn’t a friend’s slap. It was a strong hit, made with the only purpose of hurting.
Dash fell down on her back with a scream. Without giving her time to wake up, Applejack put a hoof on her chest and pressed down.
HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU TO DO THAT?!
“Agh! A-Aplejack?!” Screamed Rainbow again, fear on his voice. “AJ, What are you…?!”
STOP! You’re not Rainbow Dash! Your smell is different! WHO THE HAY ARE YOU AND HOW DARE YOU TO DO SUCH A THING?!
“My… smell?” Rainbow paused for a second, and then she started to laugh. “Oh, really? Since when are you so good at that? Your noses are really amazing, you know?
You! Fake-Spike?!
Who else could have been, my little pony? You are stronger than I thought, did you know? I was expecting you to be so terrified that you couldn’t smell me. I guess I was wrong. What a shame!
Don’t try to laugh at me! Where is Dash?! Who are you?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!
Ugh! Please, if you don’t mind, stop doing that. You’re hurting me.
OF COURSE I’M HURTING YOU! NOW TALK OR…!
I think you’re not getting it. Stop, or your favorite pegasus will die. You have five seconds.
…
Four… three…
All right! You win this time! But tell me what the hay…!
Oh, of course. But first, stop.
…!
Exactly. Like that. Sorry, but I think you’re a bit dangerous, so I prefer you to be frozen. It’s nothing personal.
…!
Oh, wow! Don’t put that face! Your rage is so hot it blisters, huh?
Oh, but of course. I made a promise, right? You want me to say why am I doing this…? Well…
Let me explain…
***
Ghastly Gorge
Your telepathic bond?! You mean you’re a telepath?!
Telepathy? But that’s one of the hardest spells on Equestria! How did you…?
How many times have you spoke with us via telepathy?
I’M ALWaYS… USING T-TELEPATHY.
That’s THE REAsON WHY YOu… caN’T… SEE ME… PHOENIXES… ARE ABLE TO… TaLK WITH THeir mind…
Oh my, you’re a phoenix?! Then you’re not an invisible underlined alicorn?!
WE DoN’T HAVE T-TIME FOR THIS! LisTEN, YOU TWO HAve TO FIGHT AGAINST FaKE-SPIKE!
Fight? What do you mean? And why did you say that it isn’t important that we’re out of character right now?!
YOU’RE NOT oUT OF CHARACter… OR AT LEAST, YOU’RE ONly A BIT OUT OF CHArACTER. IT’S AN ACCepTABLE BREAK FROM YOUR REALITY…
But…!
YOU’RE ACTinG LIKE THAT BEcaUSE YOU NeeD TO…. IT’S iMPORTANT FOR YOU TO StAY CALM… SO THE One whO CAN HELP You IS DOING IT…
”The one who can help us”?
NOW IT’S NOT IMPORTANT! LisTEN TO ME, I DON’t haVE MUCh TIME!
…
…
RIGHT. OK, LisTEN TO Me CAREFULLY. I woN’T BE Able TO SAY IT… TwiCE…
THE ReaDERS… ARE YOUR WEApON…
The readers? You mean, the people who is reading us?
What do you mean?
THEY ARE The MOST IMPOrtaNT THING HErE, SO… IF THEY DON’t knOW SoMETHING… THEN IT’S… NOT… real…
Real?! You mean…?!
IF SOMETHinG IS TRUE… THEN THEY MUST Know IT… BUT THeY CAN BE TriCKED…
…
…
NOW… I cAn’T SAY ANytHING MORE… I’M… I’m LOSing it…
Invisible underlined alicorn!
YOU’rE SMArT ENOUGH, TWILigHT… AND YOU CAN FIgHT BACK, RArITy…
Try to FIND PINKaMENA AND FLUTtERSHY… AND…
TELL AJ AND DasH THAT… I’M… SORRY…
Invisible underlined alicorn?
Invisible underlined alicorn! Hey! Can you hear us?!
Invisible underlined alicorn!
…
…
…If there is something true, then the readers must know it? And they are our weapon…
What does that mean?
Hmmm… I think I understand what was he saying… The only thing that worries me is the “the one who can help you” thing. Who can help us now?
Well… maybe he was talking about our creator?
Which one?
I don’t know… the one who created Aragón, or maybe the one who created the one who created Aragón… How many creators are, by the way?
I don’t know. But maybe you’re right, that makes sense.
Sigh. I think the best for now is to obey. We need to find the others, Rarity. Let’s go.
I’m following you.
Hmm… I wonder, why did he apologize to Dash and Applejack?
I don’t know. But I have a bad feeling about it.
***
Zecora’s house
Let me explain, little pony. As you know, I seem to be the bad one of this story, right? I’ve been written that way. You can say it’s not my fault after all, because I didn’t choose to be like this. But, I can’t lie: I LOVE being evil. I know it’s silly.. And it sounds silly, right?
…!
Oh, don’t look at me like that. You know it and I know it: we are fake. Everypony is fake. You were created as heroes, and you have a heroic personality. I, on the other hoof… let’s say that my creator wanted something for you to fight. And that means that I’m evil for the sake of being evil. I just… like to do wicked things and see ponies –or people, I’m not a racist –suffer. That’s all. I have no excuse, I don’t need any excuse. I’m afraid our creator is not very… imaginative.
…!
Oh, you have a point. I personally like to think that I’m a satire. A bad written character made on purpose because he wants to laugh at the bad writer’s face. What do you think?
…!
This is boring. Talk!
Gah! Agh, agh… Y-you’re crazy!
No, I’m not. I’m pretty sure I’m perfectly normal. I just know what I am and I like it. Is that so bad?
But why did you do that? Why were you disguised as Rainbow Dash?!
Oh. That. Well, I was feeling weak, so I needed your love to be fed. I knew that being disguised as an injured Rainbow Dash will work for you.
You…!
But that’s not all. You see, I feel good now, so I can play a little. And do you know what’s funny? Seeing ponies suffering! Like you and Rainbow Dash, for example.
What have you done to Rainbow Dash?! Where is she?!
Ah… those are the words I wanted to hear. Because, Applejack, you’re pretty smart, aren’t you? I’m sure you know that Rainbow is in love with you.
DON’T YOU DARE TO…!
Stop talking. Now.
I’m not lying, and you know. And you’re in love with her, right?
But… think about it a minute. You both feel love for each other. But this is a fanfic, right? Oh, I wonder what does that mean.
…!
It’s a mystery. Back on the first chapter, you kissed her. But Aragón was pulling out the strings, right?
What does that mean? Did you kiss her, or was Aragón the one who did it? And now, you think that you love her. You care for her, you feel happy when she’s around…
But… are those feeling yours? Or this is just another illusion? What do you think, Applejack?
…!
Hmm? I see tears in your eyes. Maybe you think that you’re free now? You broke free; Aragón is not controlling you… but wait a minute. Let’s analyze what happened before…
Fluttershy came here without being under Aragón’s control. She has never been controlled. Rarity broke free and started talking purple. Twilight can talk like that too. Little Pinkamena is able to avoid censorship. And Pinkie… she’s nearly as powerful as me.
Oh, and Aragón. I forgot him. Well, he’s your creator, so he’s way more powerful than you.
What does that mean? I’ll tell you, Applejack. I’ll tell you right now, because I know you know what I’m going to say. You have fear in your eyes.
And that’s just perfect.
***
Carousel Boutique
“Applejack! Applejack, don’t leave me!”
The farm mare’s body was so cold that Rainbow Dash was trembling, but she didn’t drop her. Applejack wasn’t moving. The pegasus couldn’t feel her heart beating.
“Applejack! Please, Applejack! What’s happening to you?!”
“S-sugar…cube…”
Dash opened her eyes with surprise. “Applejack!” shouted, looking at her friend’s face. AJ’s was smiling, but the paleness was still there. “Applejack, I’m here! Don’t leave me!”
“Heh… not like I wanted to…” the earth pony’s voice was weak and fragile. Slowly, the mare opened her eyes and looked at Rainbow. “But… I think that I’m not getting over this…”
“DON’T SAY THAT!” Dash shook her head. The cold became stronger. She was able to see her friend’s mare, like if it was winter. “I-I’m sure that we’ll find Twilight, and she’ll heal you with her freaky magic!”
“Don’t be silly… This is… the end…”
“NO! NO, I’M SURE IT’S NOT! AJ! AJ!”
***
Zecora’s House
We need to hurry. You see, the author of this fic is under my control too, so I’m on the higher “level of the cake”, as you said before. That means that I have quite a few powers here… very useful, if you ask me.
Oh, but what am I doing? I was going to break your spirit, right?
…!
Don’t look at me like that! You know that I’m saying the truth.
Because after all, you already knew it. You just didn’t want to say it. You didn’t want to think about this.
You’re still under Aragón’s control, Applejack. If you can talk or act on your own, that’s because Pinkie interceded. She didn’t like seeing you and Dashie kissing, so she stopped that. But Aragón’s will was stronger at that time, and your pink friend didn’t know that she hadn’t finished her work.
`You’re still a puppet. You’re on the lowest level of the cake. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel… it’s not your mind. Because you don’t have a mind.
…
And Rainbow Dash is the same, of course. You two are nothing. You have no real power. But, it’s not so bad, right? Because after all, you have each other!
But… can you live with that, Applejack? Can you live when you know that your feelings are fake? Rainbow will say that she loves you… but you know that, if she was free, she wouldn’t say that. And the same with you.
I remember your existential crisis. When you discovered that you were fictional. But this is worse, right? You’re not only fictional, you’re more fictional than any other pony you know.
And the only way you have to be happy, the only thing you can do to avoid feeling meaningless, is loving Rainbow Dash. But that’s a lie. Your love is a lie.
And you can only say the truth.
…
Oh, see? That’s the reason why I love being so evil! That face. Those eyes. You’re dead inside right now. You may breath, you may move, but… your soul is gone.
Because, of course, you know that what I’m saying is true.
…
No more tears? You have dropped all of them?
Ha! Don’t worry. This is not the worst thing you’re going to live today.
No.
It can get worse. Because now, I’ll give you the ability to break the fourth wall, just a minute. That will be enough.
***
Carousel Boutique
Applejack smiled. “Hey, sugarcube… can I ask you a favor? A last wish for this old mare?”
Dash shook her head. “O-of course. But don’t say that… don’t say that this is your last…”
“Sugarcube…” The orange mare closed her eyes again. “Please… kiss me…”
Rainbow’s heart stopped for a moment. But the cold on her friend’s body was enough for her to stop thinking about useless things.
Slowly, Dash closed her eyes and approached AJ’s face.
And, when her lips touched, a flash of light blinded the pegasus. Dash screamed, but couldn’t do anything.
When the light was gone, AJ had disappeared. And then…
*Bzeeeep*
*Thump*
Now you can move, Applejack. Say hello to Dashie!
Tenth chapter -Cliffhanger!
Carousel Boutique
When the light was gone, Applejack had disappeared.
Now you can move, Applejack. Say hello to Dashie!
Hng!
Ugh… D-Dash…?
Dash’s eyes opened widely as the pegasus felt tears down her cheek.
Applejack.
Applejack was gone. Rainbow Dash had kissed her old friend, just in time to let her die.
No… Dash, I’m here…
“AJ…” Rainbow’s eye twitched. “Heh… A-AJ… T-this can’t be…”
Dash…
“I… I can’t…” Dash was breathing heavily. “I can’t… I CAN’T…!”
…
…Dash?
The sadness was just too much. It was like a cold, sharp needle nailed at her heart, freezing everything it touched.
Applejack, dead. AJ was gone. Forever. Dash would never see her again.
Dash! I’m here!
With a broken heart, Dash started to scream.
DASH! CALM D-!
Scream as you like, she isn’t going to hear you. You’re just in another level, and the difference is too… big.
Dash, please, listen to…!
AGH! I-I can’t touch her?!
As I said, the difference is just too big. You can’t interact with her. What a shame, right? Hey, but maybe the power of love can help you! Hah!
YOU!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Oh, I don’t know. Tell me. What have I done? Can you guess it?
“APPLEJAAAAAAAAAACK!” Dash finally lost it. She wasn’t thinking, she wasn’t feeling anything. In her head, there was only a void. Her screams pierced the sky.
STOP THIS! STOP THIS OR I’LL…!
This is getting boring, you know? Hmmm… I think you’re going to stop right now, and then I’ll start to talk. That’s more interesting.
…!
Exactly. I can get used to this.
***
Fluttershy’s house
Aragón! Hey, Aragón, you need to wake up! I’m being super-serious here!
*Inserts meeting of Aragón with Aragón*
*Bzeeeep*
….at are you saying, Pinkie? My God, you’re so rand-WHERE THE FUCK I AM?!
Uh? Aragón? Another Aragón? Who are you? Where did you come from?
I DON’T KNOW! YOU TELL ME! We were talking about Godwin’s law and then suddenly you say “Oh, Aragón, you’re going to travel trough space and time”, and then ZAP! What is this? Fluttershy’s house? And who is th-oh fuck he’s me. I can see his face. He’s me.
Wow! You travelled in time! Just like Twilight! OH, OH, THAT’S SO FUNNY! What did I said, what did I said?! How did you do it?! Are you secretly a unicorn? That would be so awesome!
Euh… well, that’s a funny thing. You see, I think…
And why are you talking like that? And why aren’t you censored? And why…?
Pinkie! Please, let me talk! Ok, a lot of things happened since I woke up; you see… hey, wait a minute. Why was I unconscious? I can’t remember anything, and you only said that I would know it one day.
Uh, I have no idea! We’ve just appeared here, and you are asleep like that and with ketchup on your forehead! You see?
…
…Wow. I mean, wow. That’s a… hole… in my head. I can see my brai-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! And what’s that?! A hammer?!
And a book! They came here at the same time than me and you!
Weird. Let me see it… I don’t remember any hammer with me when I woke up -aaand it has blood on it. I think I know what hurt me. I guess that the readers did it.
Now the real question is: how the hell did a hammer a hole in my head? Oh, wait. Right, I’m made of sugar…
The readers can throw things here?! Are you serious?!
Yes. In fact, you were the one who explained it to me. The fourth wall is completely broken, so anybody can throw things. It’s pretty dangerous if you ask me.
*THROWS RANDOM PIE IN SOMEPONY’S FACE*
Chof!
…
Uh?
Sigh…
You know, I’m starting to hate this story.
Three people. Two humans –technically talking –and a pony –also technically, because cartoons are not real. One of them has a FRIGGING HOLE in his head. So, of course, a random pie COMPLETELY OUTTA NOWHERE has to fall on his face. Now I have cream inside my skull. That’s just awesome.
I want a pie too! That one seems delicious!
Yes, but it has blood and brains on it, so maybe eating it is a bad idea. Now, let me clean Past-me’s face, please…
Uuh. But, but the wound can’t be so serious, right? Because you’re here, and you’re from the future, and you don’t have any scar on your forehead!
Well, I don’t know. Past-me seems pretty dead, and let me tell you, that’s creepy as hell. And –oh!
Oh. The pie… Wow. This explains a lot. I guess that wasn’t a Deux ex machine then. But man, it’s still stupid.
Dush-is-makina? What is a Dush-is-makina?
Something I read on a book. Look at this. Do you see Past-me’s face?
Uh… yes? It has cream and ketchup! Oh, and the wound has disappeared! Did you healed yourself?
It wasn’t me. It was the pie.
The pie? Was it a magic pie?
Not exactly. That would have been a Deux ex Machina. The truth is… very, very stupider. Did you know that your hair looks like cotton candy?
Yes! I brush it every day so it looks that way! Because I love cotton candy!
Well, then you’ll be happy with this. Let’s see… you know you’re a character, right? I mean, a character in a story. You were created.
Of course! I had a very long conversation about that with the Invisible Underlined Alicorn!
Really? Do you mean the jiggily-jiggily conversation? The one about cakes?
Yes!
Wow. That’s foreshadowing. I didn’t know this story had foreshadowing.
But we’re getting sidetracked. Are you familiar with the “canon/fanon” concepts?
Nnnnope.
Well, something “canon” is something official. When the author of a show says something –like, X character is gay –then it’s true in the show’s world. On the other hand, when the fans of a show imagine something and think about it as if it was official, then it’s called “fanon”.
Oooo-kaaay.
Well, the “canon” explanation about your hair is the one you have just said –you brush it like that. The “fanon” explanation is similar… but some bronies think that your hair IS cotton candy.
Huh?
Yeah, I think it’s kind of a joke. But… well, let’s say that, as you’re a fanon-Pinkie –just as Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink –then you have special features. That’s the reason why you can break the fourth wall.
So, as your hair is made of cotton candy, your entire body is also made of sugar. And like you, everypony else minus Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink, canon-Pinkie or canon-Twilight. So, when you apply sugar in a wound, it heals. Puf! Like magic.
…
Wait a minute. I have three questions.
Ask what you want. I love sounding clever.
One: Since when have you got a tail?
…
What, this? Oh, it’s a funny story. You see, it started when I talked like…
*Bzeeeep*
HEY!! You! Come back, Future-Aragón! You didn’t answer any question! And you stole my hammer!
Still covered in cream and blood, but with all his brains in his skull this time, Aragón frowned and slowly opened his eyes. He was feeling something that could only be described in a language that he didn’t know, but the word “pain” was close enough.
“Uuugh…” The author looked at Pinkie. “Please… stop shouting…”
Ah! Aragón! You’re awoken!
“Yes, and you’re still shouting. I think I have fire or lava or something very hot in my head, so, if you don’t mind…”
Oh, don’t be silly! You only have ketchup and cream! Are you okay?
*Places a love injected pink marshmallow on the ground*
Aragón blinked. “Well, I just saw a pink marshmallow appearing magically, so I think I may not be okay,” grunted. “But of course, nothing is too weird right now for me.”
Huh… I think I’m going to save it for later. If the things you said were true, then it can be very useful.
“Useful?” Aragón raised an eyebrow. “How can a marshmallow be…?”
*Uses defibrillator on Aragón*
FHUAFSH!
*Injects him with adrenaline*
*Chick*
*Slaps him until he wakes up*
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
The thing that once had been called Aragón stayed on the ground. It was smoking. An invisible hand slaped him mercilessly.
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
I think that I may know the answer.
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
***
Ghastly Gorge
So, what should we do? Searching for Fluttershy and Pinkie seemed a good idea… But why did the Underlined Invisible Alicorn said only her names? What about the others?
I don’t know… but I think I have an idea. Go searching for them seems fine to me too, so let’s start.
It seems like we’re near Ponyville, so… Going to the town seems like a good plan. Maybe the girls are there.
Uh. Ok.
And… Rarity.
Yes?
Let’s talk. We should… no, we must talk while we’re searching for the girls. And, when we go near some place we must mention it too.
…What? I mean, I’d certainly love to talk with you, darling, but… you said that we must? In italics, no less? Why?
Because the Invisible Underlined Alicorn, or Invisible Underlined Phoenix, or whatever he is, said it. Remember? Readers are our weapon. If something is true…
…Then they should know it. Well, I sure remember that phrase, Twilight. But I’m afraid I don’t quite understand it.
Hmm… It could mean a lot of things. But there is one interpretation in particular that I have in mind. You see, this is a story.
Yes. I’m not very comfortable with that idea but I have to admit it’s true.
And there are readers out there.
Ahá. The ones who are our weapon.
Yes, but I’m not talking about that right now. You should think about this: if there are readers, they’re reading what we’re saying.
Well, they’re called “readers” for something.
But I’m talking in purple and you’re talking in blue… there is no description of what are we doing.
Corn-flower blue, if you don’t mind. “Blue” is just too common.
…
What?! Don’t look at me like that!
Aha! You see? That’s what I’m saying! You’re doing it you’re using the readers’ power without knowing it!
Uh… Beg pardon?
You just said that I was looking at you weirdly. But why? Every time –absolutely EVERY TIME somepony looks anything like that, somepony points it out. Why?
Because it’s strange?
No. Because this story is not a common story. There is no narration, at least in this level of the cake. Everytime we do something we point it out, or somepony else does it. Because if we don’t do that, then the readers don’t know what’s happening.
That… that makes sense. It’s like when Rainbow Dash asked you if she could ask you something while we were running, right?
Yes! You got it! Usually, Dash would have asked, nothing else. But she had to add that part to the question. She had to say “while we’re running”. If she hadn’t said that, then nopony could have guessed that we were, er, running. If you hadn’t pointed it out, nopony could have guessed that I had looked at you funny a moment ago.
Hmm. Yes, it’s true.
But it matters? I mean, it’s important to know that? We have been doing that all the time, so there is no need to…
No, no. It’s important. There are three reasons:
First of all, because now we know this. And knowledge is power. This… story has some rules that we don’t know, and every little inch of information is useful. Maybe we’ll be able to use this later.
Second, because as you’ve said, we’ve been using this rule even without knowing it. So, or the world can have an influence on you just by existing, or there is somepony controlling us again.
There is somepony controlling us, dear. We have two or three authors. And we are out of character right now, don’t forget that. So… I’m afraid we’re not exactly the epitome of freedom.
Well, yes. But a clue is a clue. Now we’re sure that we’re being used.
We were sure before.
…
Ok, ok. Well, there is a third reason.
And it’s…?
Well, look at you. We haven’t walked anything, we should be searching for the girls. Right?
What? Of course we are walk-Oh dear. We’re…
We didn’t say that we were walking, I only said that we had to talk while doing it.
But I would have sworn that...
That’s because we –er, I, acted like we were walking. It seemed like we were doing it. In fact, we believed we were walking. But when I said that we were not…
…Then the readers knew that we were still here?
Exactly! If something is true –in other words, if something is happening, then the readers must know it! Otherwise, it can or cannot be true!
But then…
Then we can cancel any action. Sure, if you don’t say anything and it seems like we’re doing something, then that thing it seems we’re doing is being done. But if you say that it’s not true, then the readers know the new truth and it becomes reality!
Uh…
…If you don’t say what you’re doing, then you may or may not be doing it. But if you say that you’re doing it, then you sure are doing it!
That’s amazing!
I know! And I think that we can use this and end all this!
Ehem:
I’m with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy right now!
…
…
…
It… didn’t work.
Huh. I guess it was silly for me to try that. This is a story, a book. The heroes can’t have a power like that, or the story would be awful.
The heroes?
This is a story, remember? We are the heroes, and now we have an enemy –Fake-Spike, or greentalk. And a mission: we must reunite and fight against her, freeing Spike and the Invisible Underlined Alicorn in the process. It’s pretty simple.
Uh…
Just trust me. I’ll explain it better if you want, but first let’s start moving. I want to find the girls as soon as possible. And maybe meeting Aragón can be helpful too.
***
*Looks for Fluttershy*
Froggy Bottom Bog
*bzeeeep
*Thump*
Ugh! U-uh… M-my head… It hurts…
Pinkie felt mud in her mouth. Frowning, she tried to wake up as fast as possible, but the ground was slippery and the pink pony with the flat mane fell again. This time the mud wasn’t only in her mouth –her mane and fur were now brown.
Ah! W-where are we?! Froggy Bottom Bog?! What happened?! What’s…?!
“Hey.” Pinkie spat the mud and raised a hoof, unable to stand up on that ground. “Fluttershy. If you don’t mind, I need a little help right here…”
Oh, my! P-Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink, I’m so sorry! Here, let me catch you…
Pinkie was raised from that deadly mud pool by the pegasus. Slowly, they started to move to a drier zone.
“Thanks.” The pink mare sighed. “Well, that mud tastes horrible. Where are we exactly?”
Uh… It seems like we are in Froggy Bottom Bog…
“Yeah.” With a jump, Pinkie fell on the ground again, but this time she was standing on her hooves, not on her mouth. “It seems like we are in Froggy Bottom Bog. But where are we?”
*Squeak*
Pinkie blinked. “Excuse me? What the hell was that?”
I-I’m sorry, I… I-I…
The earth pony sighed. “It’s ok, Fluttershy. You have nothing to fear. I mean, we’re completely alone here.”
Pinkie frowned. “Well, I guess you can be thinking about our friends, or about the fact that a strange monster –let’s call it Greentalk –that has mindblowing powers is conspiring against us. Or maybe you’re thinking about the possibility that our friends may be dead right now, or…”
IIIIIIIIH!!
“Ok, I think I’m not helping you. Sorry. The grimdark is a bad influence.”
***
Argh! The timeline has been altered! And it’s all your fault!
Ok, ok, calm down. Don’t worry. It’s not so bad, right?
…
Maybe… But now, everything is more difficult.
Well, you know what to do.
Work harder.
[color=]Yes. Work harder.
***
Fluttershy’s house
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
And that’s all! I’ve put all the cream of the pie on your body, Aragón! You’re lucky it was a huge pie!
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
And I also used the marshmallow! So, you should be better now, right?
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
Uh… I think the slapping is not going to stop until you wake up. Aragón, so…
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
Ok, enough is enough! Invisible hand, stop or I’ll be angry!
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
Aragón can’t wake up because you’re hitting him too hard!
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
Aaaargh! I’m getting bored!
*PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF-PLAF…*
Oh, wait. I have an idea.
*MAKES THE INVISIBLE HAND STOP!*
*PLAF-PLA-*
…
Well, that’s better. Aragón, can you hear me?
“Ugh…” The author frowned. His cheeks were completely red, but the rest of his body seemed to be fine. “Oh my. What happened?”
A reader electrocuted you! And then he hit you again and again and again until I stopped him with italics and star-like things!
Aragón blinked. “Ok, I’ll try to think that answer makes sense.”
Are you okay?
“Well, I can hardly move.” The human tried to raise a hand, without success. “But I feel fine now.”
Uh… But if you can’t move, then we can’t go and search for the girls!
“Well, I’m sorry.” Aragón smiled. “Let me rest a little and we’ll think about a plan. Like, beating that weirdo with green eyes, or maybe…” He stopped. There was something on his chest. “What’s this? A book?”
It was with you when I woke up! Like the ketchup!
“Ketchup?”
Ketchup! And a marshmallow, and a pie!
“Huh”. Ignoring the pink pony, Aragón looked at the book. “How to write well: a detailed guide. Hey this can be interesting!”
Let’s read it!
“Well, I guess that we can’t do a lot more, so…”
***
Ghastly Gorge
…So, you only have to think like an author. Or like an editor. If you do that, then it’s easy to guess where are we, or what’s happening.
Hmm. Then, you can explain why are we here?
Well, it’s simple. As I said, we are the heroes. We had a lot of chapters that built up the story and developed our characters, so the readers are connected to us. It’s an old trick: the firsts chapters usually don’t go to the action, unless it’s an “In media res” beginning…
Then, the firsts chapters were only for presentation?
Something like that, yes. Once the readers knew us and understand this world and how it works –or at least thought they could -, Fake-Spike appeared. We discovered that we were fake, and Pinkie became two Pinkies. In other words: the real plot started.
Uh-huh.
Everything I’ve seen seems to point in that direction. This is an adventure story disguised as a comedy, so we have a clear pattern: The heroes meet, the heroes meet the villain, the villain wins once, the heroes meet again and the heroes defeat the villain.
And now we are in the “the villain wins” stage?
Not exactly. Fake-Spike has won; he did it in the hospital. Now we’re trying to meet again. In other words: the girls have to be somewhere, and we must be able to find them.
Well, I think I can get it. But why did the invisible underlined alicorn say that we have to search for Pinkie and Fluttershy? Why those two?
I can think multiple reasons. First of all, giving the fact that you and I are together, it seems logical that the others are separated in groups of two. Pinkie and Fluttershy may be one.
And of course, both of them are the weirdest of us.
The censorship, right? Fluttershy’s “yay”, and… Well, and Pinkie. Both of them are strange.
Personally, I want to meet with Pinkie with special emphasis. She can break the fourth wall and read the previous chapters. With her help, I can try to determine all this world’s rules…
Which Pinkie?
Both of them can break the fourth wall, so I don’t mind which one I met.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
“Fluttershy, please, stop shivering. You’re not in danger! And we have to move!”
I-i… *snif* I can’t…
“Oh, please, don’t cry.” Pinkie sighed. “Look, I understand you’re scared, but we have to…”
Well, well. Look who is here. Two cute little ponies with pink manes! How are you?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Pinkie stood tall, protecting Fluttershy –who was crouching in fetal position on the ground, trying to hide –with her body. “Greentalk”, muttered. “I didn’t hear you.”
Who is this “greentalk” you talk about? I’m Professor Marbles, a noble earth pony who…
“Shut up.” Pinkie frowned, anger in her eyes. “I can see trough your disguise. You’re Chrysalis. Stop fooling around, motherfucker.”
Uh… U-Uh…
“Don’t worry, Fluttershy. I’m here. Nothing wrong is going to happen to you.”
…
T-thanks…
…
Geez. How beautiful. I hate friendship.
“Why are you here? What do you want?”
I’m here because I want to talk. What else?
…You…
You attacked us in the hospital!
I didn’t harm you, right? You’re perfectly fine. Well, maybe the pink one is covered in mud, but brown is a pretty color, and it suits her better than pink.
“Fluttershy, if I jump to her, don’t look. I think I can kill her, but it’s not going to be a good sight for you.” Pinkie smiled. “But I’ll be having the time of my life, you can be sure of it.”
Oh, don’t say those things!
…
I think you scared her.
M-me?! Scared?! Hah! Even in your dreams you wouldn’t be able to hurt m-
*Throws hammer at Chrysalis*
*BONK!*
ARGH! MY HEAD!
FIRST A ROCK AND NOW THIS?! I’LL KILL SPIKE IF YOU DON’T STOP, YOU STUPID MORONS!
“Huh. I guess killing you is going to be easier than I thought.”
W-where did that hammer come from?! And what did you say about Spike?!
…
Ok… let’s calm down. I’ve come here to talk with you, Pinkamena. You know that you’re evil, so you should be on our side.
What?!
Pinkie smirked. “Oh, of course. The ‘join me in the dark side’ talk. I was wondering when were you going to do it…”
Pinkie is not evil! She would never help you!
Oh, right. Pinkie would never be with us. She would never betray her friends…
But, sadly, you’re not Pinkie. You’re Pinkamena.
What?!
Pinkie didn’t move. Now Fluttershy was standing on her hooves, but the pink pony was still protecting her with her body. “Explain yourself.”
Oh, you know what I mean. You’re not the real Pinkie, you’re just a picture that became alive because the real Pinkie looked at it. In fact, you’re like Gummy!
That’s… That’s not true…
A picture posted by a fan. You thought you were fake, but “fake” is not enough. You’re nothing, Pinkamena.
And you know it. I can see it in your eyes. You were created by the fans, you’re just a misinterpretation of a popular character. A psychotic, murderer monster. Nopony likes you, everypony hates you.
You’ve read the fanfics, right? How many times have you murdered somepony you love? You kill, you destroy, you eat everything you touch. You’re evil, Pinkamena. And you know it.
“I…”
You woke up in Aragón’s home, unable to see the real Pinkie. You were created, and she didn’t know it. You are just an accident. You were created by error, because Pinkie didn’t want you to become real.
And you had blood on you. You had a knife –and the first thing you thought was the joy you would feel if you killed Aragón. Am I wrong?
P-pinkie… don’t listen to her…
Oh, and you’re sad. Always sad, always cynical. You were born with the guilt of killing everypony you loved, and it wasn’t your fault. The only thing you can do is to kill. Nothing else.
“You…”
You know I’m right! You are just like me!
We’re villains, Pinkamena. We’re things created just to be evil, just because the hero has to fight against something. And so, we always lose. And that’s not fair.
Pinkie didn’t move then. He seemed a statue.
Why?! Why are we the ones who always suffer, Pinkamena?! The fans want stories, and with every story another villain rises just to fall down again. And now, the fans are doing it again. This story is making you suffer even more than usual, because now you know you’re just a villain. You know that you’re going to lose.
You can’t hold your feelings anymore, Pinkamena. In fact, you just threatened me. Pinkie wouldn’t do that. Only a murderer can talk like that.
“I’m not a murderer.” Pinkie talked, but her voice was soft. Too soft. She didn’t sound like usual. “I hadn’t killed anypony.”
You’ve killed thousands. Every time somepony reads a grimdark fanfic, the crime is committed again. And again. And again.
You can stop this. We can stop this. If we break the circle, if we won this time… then the story would never finish. You’ll be free. You’ll be used in another fanfics, of course… but that one won’t be you. She… it will be a clone, a mere copy. Because the real one, the real Pinkamena, you will be in this story forever. You’ll be free.
Pinkie was trembling. She lied down her head so her mane hided her face. “Freedom, you say?” asked. “But I’ll feel the guilt, right? I’ll still remember killing them…”
But you won’t be killing them anymore!
Pinkie…
The harm cannot be undone, but you can avoid being hurt again! Just do it! You’re a villain, so the heroes can’t be with you. They’ll confront you sooner or later, and then they’ll defeat you.
And everything will be like now. You’ll be killing your friends another time. You don’t want this, Pinakema! And I don’t want to be used again neither! Join me, and we’ll defeat more than the heroes! We’ll defeat the fans!
P-Pinkie… that’s not true… we’ll never fight you…
Pinkie raised a hoof, interrupting Fluttershy. Slowly, the pink mare raised her head too.
His eyes had tears on them.
“What do you want from me? What should I do for you to be free?”
***
Ghastly Gorge
Then, who do you think Fake-Spike is?
Hmm… well, he was able to freeze us, so he knows magic. And his scent… I know I’ve smelled that scent somewhere, but I can’t say where.
Hey, look! I can see Ponyville from here!
Oh, thank Celestia! Do you think you can teleport us there from here?
Now that I can see the town, I’m sure. Just let me concentrate…
*Bzeeep*
Carousel Boutique
Ha! Here we are!
Hello! Girls?! Can you hear me?!
…
…
Well, I guess the town is empty.
We should search a little more, don’t you think?
Hmm. You’re right. But let’s not divide, please. Bad stuff happens when the heroes are separated, everypony knows that.
Ok.
By the way, dear, you hadn’t said who do you think Fake-Spike is…
Well… I’m not sure about the scent, but judging by the powers… I guess it’s Discord.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
*Make it rain*
Clouds completely out of nowhere appeared in the sky. The sun disappeared. Everything turned gray. Pinkie felt the cold water flowing down her body.
Pinkie! Y-you can’t…!
“Tell me.” Pinkie ignored Fluttershy. “What should I do?”
Heh. I see you’re smart, little pony.
If you want to be free, you must help me to defeat the heroes. And you have one just behind you.
So, if you really want to be free…
Kill Fluttershy.
IIIH!!
“I don’t want to kill. I’m asking you this because I don’t want to kill anymore!!”
You can’t bake a cake without breaking a few eggs, Pinkamena. The choice is yours.
Slowly, Pinkie nodded.
Slowly, she turned to Fluttershy. The pegasus was still behind her: her face a perfect picture of terror.
Pinkie…
Pinkie put a hoof on her lips, making her stop talking.
“Don’t say anything”, said. The rain and her tears were mixing on her face. “Don’t… don’t say anything, please.
I’m sorry.”
Eleventh chapter- Out of nowhere
Carousel Boutique
…I guess he must be Discord.
WHAT?!
Discord?! You mean that Discord?! How…?! How can you be so calm knowing that?!
I’ve already said it: I’m out of character. That’s the reason why I’m not screaming like you.
And I’m sure that you aren’t so scared right now. You’re just…
Twilight, dear, a proper lady always knows how to react! Sometimes your feelings aren’t as important as the face you show to the world, so if you excuse me, I’ll continue acting like if I was feeling the things that I know I should feel, because I don’t want to lose my character, and I don’t mind what the real author or whoever is changing us right now is thinking. Are you okay with that?
Uh… Sorry?
That’s better.
Euh…
…
I’m sorry, really, but what exactly was that? It came out of nowhere!
Sigh… Look, Twilight, I’ve been thinking… This is just not fair. And now Discord? No, I can’t take it!
”This” is not fair? What’s “this”?
The situation we’re in. I can’t help but feeling like we are toys and somepony is playing with us, and I don’t like to be used. We both know that I’m very proud of being who I am, and I’ve decided that I’m not letting anypony change it.
Well, ok, I think I can understand that you want to be in character, but… Why now? Why so suddenly?
Because you just mentioned Discord as if he wasn’t a real threat! The last time we saw that creature we almost lost Equestria. I remember perfectly how he changed my mind, and that day I swore that I’ll never change who I am, no matter what happens. I don’t want to be… to be discorded again!
But the Invisible Underlined Alicorn said…!
Twilight, you know I’m right. Maybe we’re not real, maybe we have an author, maybe this is all a dream… I don’t care why we are out of character. Right now, all I know is that Discord may be involved in what’s happening, and he can change us. And I don’t like this. So I’ll be acting like Rarity would. The way I feel is not important.
…
So, as I was saying:
DISCORD?! FAKE-SPIKE IS DISCORD?!
…
Rarity… I think I know what’s happening here. This is a “character establishing” moment!
…What?
I know you’re right, and I completely agree with you: we have to be who we are, and not allow anypony to change us… But, don’t you get it? This is narrative!
Narrative. You mean… what I said to you is part of the story?
Exactly! We’re not real, we can’t forget that, so the way we act and what happens follows some rules. I already told you that we’re in the stage where the heroes are separated and have to meet, right?
Well, yes.
I thought that the narrative rules only worked in general terms like that, but it also seems to work with small things, like our conversation. I guess I’m the character that explains what’s happening to the readers, and you’re the reader’s avatar this time: I explain things to you, so you the readers can know them.
Well, I kinda knew that. So, the things I said are a part of the story?
Yes. It has been the moment when you as a character are fully determined. Now the readers can expect how you are going to act –and they can understand why you acted like you did before. When you beated Aragón, for example, it was because he was controlling you, and now we know that you hate being controlled! Can’t you see it? That means that the author who writes us is not so bad after all!
Oh. That’s a very good new, darling. And what’s next? What comes after a moment like this?
Eh… This seems to be a comical adventure, so usually moments like these are followed by something funny.
Something funn-?
*Gives Rarity a spider kitten*
*Pof*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
*Spider-like cat noise*
***
Fluttershy’s home
Aragón sighed and closed the book, leaving a finger in it so he didn’t lose the page he was reading. “Holy barbeque” muttered. “This is… hard. Pretty hard.”
What do you mean? And why have you closed the book? It was interesting!
The author nodded. “Yes, I guess it is, but, come on! It says that everything I do is wrong!”
What do you mean?
“Well, first of all, it seems like I need to think the ending before writing it. That makes no sense!”
Eh…
“I’ve always thought that you think the story as you’re writing it! That’s what geniuses do!”
But it makes sense for me. If you know the ending, then you can… write it. Right?
Aragón frowned. “Uh… yes. Yes, that seems logical now that you mention it this way, but…”
I like this book! Now I want to write too!
“Please, don’t do it.” The human smiled. “Believe me: it’s very… weird. And stressful. And weird.”
You’ve said “weird” twice.
“Because it’s twice as weird as anything you could think”, answered Aragón, still smiling. And then, his mouth frowned again. “And it seems like it’s difficult! What’s up with all this jiggily-jiggily stuff? Mary Sues? Mood? For Celestia’s sake, stories have mood?”
Well, if the book is written in a very dirty place…
“I’ve said mood, not mud!” Aragón shook his head. “It’s that… that ‘scenario’ thing, or whatever it’s called. Now I can’t put a comical scene before a dramatic one? Why?”
The book said that it was because then the readers can’t feel the drama. Because they’re laughing.
“Well, but everybody loves a good laugh!” The author looked at Pinkie Pie, upset. “I mean, I’m sure you agree with me on that, miss party-pony.”
Of course! Laughing is good, I’m completely sure of that! But the book doesn’t say that laughing is bad, it says that you need to know when are you mean to laugh.
Aragón stood in silence, looking at the earth pony without blinking. “You…” Said after a few minutes. “You’re saying that? You? The f*beeeeep*ing Element of Laughter?!”
I’m only saying that the books make sense to me!
“Listen, when you are writing a comedy with drama, the drama is not important. You can laugh at absolutely everyth-“
*Aragón gets slapped*
*PLAF!*
An invisible hand slapped Aragón heavily. The place remained in silence once the echoes of the hit started to fade.
Pfff…
The author frowned at Pinkie when she giggled. “Ok, stop right now.” Aragón raised a hand and looked at the sky, still frowning. “That hurt. And it’s not funny. So…”
*Dumps a bowl of sugar down Aragon’s troath*
*GAARBGHABLERGHAGBLAGH!*
Gah! That’s a lot of sugar! You’ll get a tummy ache, Aragón! Stop eating it!
*BARGHGBLARGHAGHABAGHALBRHELPAGH!*
No, seriously… You’ll get sick…
*GARBGHARGHLAGBLRAAAAGHBARLGABGH!!*
Aragón! Stop right now or…!
*Brings Pinkie to Folder’s Factory*
*Plink!*
Uh! Look, Aragón! A computer! The readers give me a computer! But it’s smaller than yours…
*GARBLAAAAGHBRARGLABALRGRAGH!*
Wow, that’s sure a big bowl of sugar. Hey, what’s this? A store?
*Places a book called ‘Oh, lets write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! I’ll call it “Thesuperfantasticalstory!’ with a bunch of empty pages next to Aragón*
*Blof*
Uh? Another book? Hey, Aragón! Look!
*GARBALHGGABRGLABGAHRL-!*
*Enough with the sugar!*
Aragón swallowed the last bunch of sugar and started to cough, the nausea so strong that he couldn’t even breathe.
*Places jug of water next to Aragón*
The human tried to grab the water, but he couldn’t hold it anymore.
With a heavy cough, trembling, the human threw up. Right next to him, Pinkie was reading the book.
…
Oh, no… T-this… This is not good, Aragón…
***
Carrousel Boutique
Rainbow Dash was crying. She wasn’t doing absolutely anything more. The blue pegasus, once a perfect example of a strong and independent mare, was crying like baby, bracing herself with a grin of despair in her face.
Tears falling down her cheeks, her throat hurt for the screams, but she didn’t notice.
In his mind, there was only one thing. “Applejack… Applejack… Applejack…”
…!
The pegasus was broken. There wasn’t any other word to describe her. She was just broken.
…!
It’s funny, right? She’s a drama queen. I bet you’ve always thought that she was stronger than that, huh? But now you’re seeing her true face! What a pathetic mare.
…
Oh, please, Applejack. Don’t look at me like that. If your eyes were weapons, I would be already dead, my dear! That’s incredibly impolite!
…
Dash’s screams filled the air.
Oh, I can’t concentrate with all this noise. You! Dash! Shut up!
Suddenly, the pegasus stopped. She was still crying, but she didn’t make any sound, she didn’t move at all. Dash seemed a picture, a photography. The mare was completely frozen.
That’s better.
…
Don’t worry, my dear. I only paused her. She’s perfectly fine, I swear.
…
Ah, the silence. It’s beautiful. But it’s a little boring right now, because, you know… nothing happens. But luckily, I know exactly what to do! Isn’t that wonderful?
…
You love Dashie, Applejack. And that hurts, we both know that. You can’t live with her because that would be lying, but you can’t live without her because that… that would be just horrible for your heart. She’s like a drug.
Oh, wait. I’ve already told you this. Well, you can feel despair once more, so it’s not a waste to say it again, right?
…!
Oh, now you’re fighting again?! Your fire has returned! I love that! But… why? Because you saw Rainbow Dash acting like that? You felt her pain, I guess.
Heh. I’ll tell you a little secret, Applejack: I planned this. I knew that my words were going to break you, but then the sight of Rainbow Dash screaming your name will be enough for you to regain your fire.
Do you know why?
…!!
Because you’re the stronger one, my little pony. You feel love as a lover but as a mother too. You’re able to sacrifice yourself, to sacrifice your happiness, in order to save the others’. You can live all by yourself.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand… She’s like a child. She seems strong too, and in fact, she is! But she’s more dependable. She needs somepony to say her “good job”. She can’t live without company.
And, guess what! That’s the thing you love about her.
…!
I adore your eyes. They’re so expressive. I think I can hear what you’re thinking just by looking at them. “Don’t dare to say such things”, “you can’t understand anything”, blahblahblah. You’re upset because I’m contaminating your “loooove” with my words. I’m a monster! Uuuuh!
…H!
Wow! You almost said something right now! Well, that’s impressive. Congratulations.
But I’m getting sidetracked! What was I saying…? Oh, yes! Of course! Your love. You just love Rainbow Dash, and deep inside, you know she wants you to hug her. She’s so adorable. She’s so fragile. A simple word can destroy her, breaking her like a hammer breaks a window. You feel the urge to protect her, to say her that everything is fine. You want to mutter beautiful words in her ear, you want to say “you’re wonderful, you’re amazing”, because you know that then she’ll smile with that smile. When she smiles, she breaks your heart.
...
And of course, you also want her to be happy on her own, because you’re just too kind. That’s the reason why you’re always messing with her. She has to become stronger, not outside but inside. And the better way to do it is to beat you, because you’ll never let her win on purpose, and she knows it. You’re her trainer, her teacher, her friend. You’re the most important thing she has in the world, because she’s your treasure. Ponyville can burn to the ground, but you’ll always protect her!
…
And Dash… Dashie is the exact opposite. You never boast; she’s always doing it. Because, as I said, she feels useless. It’s the classic inferiority complex. Why? Was her childhood bad? Did she grow up in a bad ambient? Who knows! She wants to be cooler, and she wants everypony to know that she’s the most cool thing in Equestria!
And then, she looks at you, and thinks: “she’s the mare I want to be”. You’re like a mother, she’s like a child. She wants everything you want to give her. She wants you to hug her, to comfort her, to protect her, to love her. And at the same time, she wants to impress you. My, my, you’re such an adorable couple!
…
It’s so beautiful… Hey, and do you remember it? EVERYTHING IS A LIE.
…!
You almost forget it! But you already knew that, so now it’s time to be depressed again! Because she doesn’t love you, and you don’t love her, and I’m manipulating you! The most beautiful thing you’ve ever experienced, and it’s fake and evil! Because, of course, I’m the one who made it. In reality, you will not feel like this. But you can’t avoid the feelings now. What a shame!
…! …! …H!
Ah, of course. Why the hell am I saying this? I mean, it’s fun to see you being healed by Dash and then breaking apart once more, but it’s a bit repetitive.
Don’t worry! I have a reason, you see? I’m sure you’ve wondering why I made this pantomime.
…!
As I said, you’re the one who wants to protect. Seeing Rainbow Dash hurt was a very heavy hit for you. And of course, I needed to cover my eyes. Green, remember?
And, really, a hurt Rainbow Dash is a fount of so much pain for you that fake her death wasn’t a big difference. The harm was almost equal in both cases, because you wouldn’t have lost your mind.
…!
But Rainbow is weaker. She can’t handle your “death”, as you’ve seen. She didn’t notice the smell, or the weird green on my eyes. She just saw you, her hero, dying with no reason. It was too much for her. Her mind is easy to destroy.
…!
And then, it comes the funny part! Because you discovered, me, and I knew you were able to! And I don’t mind, because now, you have to see Rainbow Dash even more hurt than before. She’s suffering much more pain than you, and now that you know that, you’re suffering a lot of pain too, because you want to protect her so badly!
It’s perfect! There is no other way for you two to suffer all this at the same time! I’m a genius!
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
You can’t bake a cake without breaking a few eggs, Pinkamena. The choice is yours.
Slowly, Pinkie nodded.
She turned to Fluttershy. The pegasus was still behind her: her face was a perfect picture of terror.
Pinkie…
Pinkie put a hoof on her lips, interrupting her.
“Don’t say anything”, said. The rain and her tears were mixing on her face. “Don’t… don’t say anything, please.
I’m sorry.”
Don’t waste time apologizing to the pony! Kill her now!
Pinkie ignored Chrysalis and approached Fluttershy, still crying. “Fluttershy… you know she’s right. I’m a villain.”
N-no! You’re not evil, Pinkie! I know you’re a good pony! I can see it in your eyes!
“Please, don’t say that.” Pinkie smiled, but her eyes were still showing a deep sadness. “I would love to be a good pony, Fluttershy. Believe me when I say this. But I was created this way.” The earth pony sighed. “Chrysalis is right. I’m a killer. You’ll fight against me someday, and you’ll have to kill me… because if you don’t do that, I’ll hurt you. And I don’t want to…”
I said STOP WITH THE APOLOGIES! Pinkamena, we have to hurry! I know that, being a villain, it’s difficult to kill somepony without boasting about it, but it’s better if you…
“Excuse me?” The softness in Pinkie’s voice disappeared when she turned to the greentalking being. “Would you please shut the fuck up? I’m trying to say important things here!”
What?!
P-pinkie…
“Shy…” The earth pony turned to the pegasus again. “Listen to me, please. This is important. I want you to promise me something. To Pinkie Pie Swear something.”
…
Of course. I trust in you, Pinkie.
Kill her already!
“Then listen to me.” The pink mare was still crying, but now her eyes were filled with determination. “I know that, at some point in the future, I’ll lose my mind. It’s inevitable. When that moment arrives…”
*Adds some lightning and thunder to that rain, pick up the wind*
The ground trembled at the sound of thunder when Pinkie talked again. “When that moment arrives… I want you and the girls to kill me.”
What?!
WHAT?! Pinkamena, what are you…?!
Pinkie sighed, clearly frustrated. “Ok, I’ve had enough from you!” Slowly, she turned to Chrysalis, her mane flowing with the wind. “I’m going to finish you right here and right now!”
Pinkie…
“Don’t call me that, Fluttershy,” said Pinkie without looking at the pegasus, her sight focused on Chrysalis. “Like it or not, I’m Pinkamena. It’s time to start calling things for their name.”
Now you are with the heroes again? You know what I said was true! You’ll never be free without killing them!
“I’m a villain. I’ll never be with the heroes.” Pinkamena laughed. “And of course you were right. But sadly, I’ll never be in your side either!”
You agreed killing the pegasus just a moment ago!
“Huh?” The earth pony raised an eyebrow. “I think you misunderstand what I said, Chrysalis. I wasn’t apologizing to Fluttershy. I was talking to you.”
…
What?!
“I was asking you to shut up. I guess that what I said was confusing,” muttered her. “Did I scare you, Fluttershy?”
…
…No. I never doubted you.
“Thanks.”
…
Pinkamena, stop fooling around. You’ll never wash the blood on your hooves if you don’t defeat the heroes now. You’ll lose, and then everything will be like always. Do you want to kill everypony again and again? Do you want to see Dash’s death…?
“Of course not.” Pinkamena closed her eyes. “Of course I don’t want to do it, to see it anymore. It’s horrible. I love them all, and some people want me to be a murderer just because they enjoy death.” The mare laughed. “It’s hell. No, it’s worse than hell. It’s my life.”
Then…
“And that’s exactly the reason why I’m not accepting your offer.” A sudden lightning illuminated Pinkamena’s face. Her eyes were red instead of blue. “Because even though I’m a murderer, I’m not a demon!”
…
“You said that I can’t bake a cake without breaking a few eggs. But those eggs are more than an ingredient. They are my soul, Chrysalis.”
You don’t have a soul. You’re a monster.
“But I didn’t choose to be a monster!” Pinkamena shouted. “Don’t you get it?! Can’t you understand what are you asking me to do?! I’ve been tormented time and time again with my acts. There are authors out there who enjoy writing me as a killer. But do you know why did I try to kill Aragón when I arrived here?! Because I thought he was one of those authors! Because suddenly I understand that I was fictional and that all those things I did wasn’t my fault! All those sleepless nights, the nightmares, the voices in my head, the blood…! IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”
…
“But Aragón was also fictional.” Pikamena was breathing heavily. “And I choose not to kill him. It was so strange that I didn’t notice it until now. I choose not to kill him.”
…So you have discovered it.
Pinkamena smiled. “Exactly.”
D-discovered what?
“That I’m not a part of this story.” The pink mare snorted. “It seems like Chrysalis is right and Pinkie created me when she looked at my picture. So, no author has control upon me this time.”
Then you’re already free?!
Of course not. This story will finish one day. And then, if Pinkamena is defeated…
“Then I’ll be back in my particular hell.” Pinkamena nodded. “This is not my way to freedom. It’s just a breather chapter in my life.”
Oh, no…
Exactly! But if you defeat the heroes, if you kill them…!
“I will not kill anypony here!” The mare showed her teeth as she screamed. “Can’t you understand it?! For the first time, I’m the one who chooses if my friends are going to die on my hooves or not! And I don’t care if some author makes me be a murderer later, I will NEVER become a killer by myself!” Another lightning, another thunder. “It’s my only redemption, and I’m not losing it just because you’re good with words!”
…
Fool. You’re going to suffer more than you can imagine because of your choice. You’ll lose your sanity sooner or later, and being free in this story is not so great. Your mind is broken. I’m sure you want to kill somepony right now, so why can’t you accept it and use your condition to become a free character? You’re a monster. Be proud of it.
Stop saying those things! Stop insulting Pinkie!
“Fluttershy…”
She’s not a monster! If you two are telling the truth, then she has been suffering a lot! Y-you don’t have the right to call her a monster!
Listen to me, little pony! You don’t understand what’s happening here! You’re a loveable character, right? For you, everything is happiness! You don’t know how it feels to be a villain, to be created as something that exist only for the purpose of being defeated!
“Don’t say those things to my friend.” Pinkamena closed her eyes. “Yes, being a villain is hard. But you are the one who can’t understand what’s happening here. I don’t care if I win or not.”
Of course you care! You were created that way!
“But I fight against my destiny!” The earth pony hit the ground with a hoof. “And that’s the only important thing here! Of course I want to win. Of course I want to kill. Of course I feel the urge to do what I was programmed to. But I chose not to do it!”
If you don’t go with me, then you’ll be in hell forever!
“But at least I will suffer the fire because I chose it! I’ll be defeated, but I’ll never hurt my friends on my own!”
Pinkie, we’ll never fight against you! You’re our…!
“No, Fluttershy. I know what I’m saying.” Pinkamena smiled one last time, and once again, her face was illuminated by lighting. Rising her head, she looked at Chrysalis with a mixture of pride, determination and anger in her eyes. “I’ll be with you, even when that means that I’ll be killed.”
…
…
Ok. You’ll be like that? DIE THEN!
*BZAP!*
Ugh!
“Argh!”
Next time I won’t fail, Pinkamena! Join me or I’ll…!
“NEVER!” The earth pony was lying on the floor, covered in mud again, but she still had her dignity. “And believe me, I’ll be alive by the end of this day!”
Oh, are you sure? I don’t think so!
“Ha!” Pinkamena laughed. “Do you know what’s the best thing about being a villain?! That I know what’s your weakness!”
PINKIE!
Oh, yeah?! Please, enlighten me!
The pink mare laughed again. “Well, it’s easy. You can shoot me whenever you want, but…”
*Sprays “Peaceful Sleep” on Chrysalis*
*FSSHHHHHT*
ARGH! MY EYES!
*Throws a rock tied to a hammer at the greentalking antagonist*
*BONK!*
Oh my goodness!
“…you always wait until the last moment.” Pinkamena watched at Chrysalis, her green blood mixing with the rain and the mud. Sadly, the changeling queen was still alive, but she seemed unconscious. “And of course, I have another advantage…”
With a smile, the pony opened the mouth and looked at the sky.
*Throws cupcake at Pinkamena*
A pink cupcake appeared out of nowhere, and Pinkamena caught it with her mouth, swallowing it without a single chew.
“…I can read the comments.”
***
Everfree Forest
***
Carousel Boutique
…!
Exactly! That face! I love that face! It’s the perfect mixture of sadness, anger and confusion! It’s simply wonderful!
…
Oh, but of course, Dashie’s face is also beautiful. I’m thinking about taking a photo of it. I already know the title: “Infinite sadness”. I’m such a poet, right?
…!
Why, yes. When I said that she’s weaker than you, I wasn’t lying. I guess you would have resisted it, or maybe you’ll be planning your revenge by now. But Dashie… she can’t think about anything but you right now.
…! …!
Yes, yes. If she knew that you’re alive… Oh, what a tragedy.
Hey, I feel like seeing her with a little more depth. I think I’m going to allow you to see her… but let’s put our favorite pegasus in italics. Believe me, it will be funnier this way.
Rainbow Dash wasn’t crying. Her tears were all dropped by now. She was just sobbing. Her chest hurt like if somepony had stabbed her with a hot stake. She couldn’t feel anything but the most absolute sadness.
It’s like watching a movie!
Suddenly, a green spark appeared in front of the pegasus. Dash didn’t notice it, but the spark started to grow more and more, until it was about the size of an adult pony.
Rainbow raised her head slowly, looking at the light. Her eyes were red.
And then, the light took the form of a pony. A mare. The green disappeared, and a flash of orange replaced it.
Dash couldn’t believe her eyes.
Good afternoon, Rainbow. How are you doing? asked Applejack.
…!
Surprise!
Oh, and see how calmed is she right now. I’m not controlling her, of course. I only… cleared her mind.
“A-Applejack?!” Dash’s voice was like a whisper, her throat still irritated. “APPLEJACK?!”
I’m afraid that I’m not your marefriend, answered the mare with a giggle. [color=]What a shame! But this is her body, as you can see. Beautiful, isn’t it?
The pegasus’ eyes filled with anger when she heard those words. “YOU! FAKE-SPIKE! HOW DO YOU DARE TO...!”
A green sword appeared out of nowhere, pointing at Applejack’s chest. The earth pony smiled. If you say one single word more, I’ll kill your marefriend. And this time I’m not resurrecting her.
Now, what were you saying?
Rainbow Dash gulped. She had recovered a little at the sight of Applejack, but now her head was a strange mixture of emotions, and she didn’t know how to feel or what to do. But the sword seemed very real, and she wasn’t able to see AJ dying again.
The pegasus didn’t say a word.
That’s better. The orange mare smiled, but that wasn’t an AJ smile. It was evil. I bet you’re wondering a lot of things, Dashie. Who am I? Why am I doing this? What’s happening? The thing in AJ’s body giggled. Well, I’m not going to answer anything. I’m here to ask you a question, little pony.
Dash was still in silence, looking at the floating sword.
I’m glad to see that you’re concentrated. The question is really simple, my dear.
What would you do for Applejack?
Rainbow blinked. Then, she looked at Fake-Spike’s eyes. They weren’t the same color as AJ’s.
You can talk now.
“Anything.” The pegasus sighed. She seemed to be in shock, because she couldn’t feel anything. “I would do anything for her.”
That’s the answer I wanted to hear! said Fake-Applejack, clapping.
I bet you feel glad too, right?
…
You see, Rainbow Dash, I want to make you an offer. I can help you, and you can help me.
Dash frowned. “What do you want from me?” Whispered. “What do you want for Applejack?”
Well, well, we have a smart mare here! Fake-Applejack closed her eyes and nodded. It’s simple. I’ll save your marefriend’s life and I’ll set her free of all this madness if we make a deal.
Rainbow sighed. “I want a proof. How do I know that you’re not lying?”
I’m afraid you’ll have to trust in my word. I’ve never lied to any pony, I promise.
“And what do you want?”
Well… Fake-Applejack sighed. The sword disappeared with another sparkle as the orange mare started to walk in circles around Rainbow Dash. That’s a little more complicated.
You see, Twilight and Pinkamena were right when they put the “levels” theory. You, as characters, exist in a scale of fake and real. The higher you are in the “cake”, as you said, the more real you are. As you can see, I’m pretty high. And you’re in the middle.
Dash frowned. “You’re higher than me?”
Of course I am! Why do you think I’m so omnipotent? laughed Fake-Applejack. But that’s not important, really.
Another thing you don’t know about this world, Dashie, is that you can travel between levels. But how?
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
…Using the star-like things, of course!
“Ah!” Aragón couldn’t hold a little scream. “For Celestia’s sake, could you please warn me before doing something like this?!”
Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink! Aragón!
Pinkamena shook her head, unable to believe what she was seeing. Pinkie and Aragón had popped outta nowhere, and the human seemed as confused as her. He was carrying two books and a strange square thing made of metal.
“What the…?”
Hello, Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink and Fluttershy! Glad to see you! Quick, you have to follow us!
What?
“What?”
“There is no time for explanations right now.” Aragón sighed. “Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight were clear: we must hurry! We’ll explain everything on the way!”
Hurry up!
Ah! W-wait! Where are we going?!
At the sight of her three companions running, Pinkamena forgot about Chrysalis and followed them. “Hey!” shouted. “Wait a moment! Did you just say…?!”
Oh, Pinkie.who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink, I have a present for you! Look!
“Ah?” Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. “What’s that? a red connection pen?
…
GAH! What’s happening to my voice?!
I colored it! Now you’re Pinkie-who-talks-in-red!
***
Carousel Boutique
Dash raised an eyebrow. “So… you know how to travel between levels?”
Of course! It’s pretty easy, if you ask me.
You see, my goal is reaching the first level. Because when you’re at it, you’re completely real... your control about the other levels is absolute. Fake-Applejack chuckled. I’m powerful, yes, but I’m afraid that I was exaggerating a bit when I said that I was omnipotent before. On the other hoof, if you’re in the lowest level… then you are nothing. It’s like death, if you want my opinion.
“And you need my help because…”
Because the easiest way to get higher is to convince somepony to get lower. Fake-Applejack smiled. It’s how it works: you want something, you give something. Can you see where I’m going?
Dash’s eyes opened wide. “You… you want me to descend. To become completely fake… and then you’ll be a God.”
Clever girl! And now, what’s your answer?
Oh, and remember: Your marefriend’s life is in my hooves now…
Twelfth chapter - The Dark/Knight Rises
Fluttershy’s home
Aragón…
The human, still vomiting sugar, couldn’t hear the pony. However, the sudden silence behind him was enough for him to know that something important was happening.
*Slaps Aragón with a red correction pen*
*PLAC!*
“Hng!” The human fell on his knees at the hit and continued throwing up. His cheek now had a red mark, and a red correction pen appeared on the floor.
*Places unbreakable pencil next to Aragón*
*Plic*
Aragón felt something inside his hand. With a gasp, the human stopped vomiting and breathed heavily, trying to recover from the experience. His throat was burning with the sweet flavor.
The author took the jug of water and started to drink. When he finished, still feeling sick, he turned to Pinkie.
“What’s…? What’s up, Pinkie?”
…Peewee.
“Peewee?”
Greentalk has Peewee –the Invisible Underlined Alicorn, that’s it. And Spike. Look… it’s all written here.
Aragón frowned and looked at the book Pinkie was pointing. It was a new one that he hadn’t seen before… but he recognized it.
“Oh, my.” Strangely, once the pain in his throat disappeared, he didn’t feel sick anymore. However, he didn’t notice it. His mind was completely concentrated on the new book. The title was very familiar. “That’s our story, right? Our fanfic… The one I started to write.”
That’s what I think, yes. And… Invisible Underlined Alicorn and Spike are…
“Yes?”
They are in danger!
Aragón frowned. “Huh. And you know that because…”
Because that’s what the book says!
The author sighed and approached the pink pony. “Where did you get that book?”
The… the readers sent it to me.
“The readers?”
Yes… sometimes, they throw things to us, and we can use it. They can also do things, like when they slapped you.
“Wait. They were the ones who slapped me?”
Yes…
Aragón sighed. “My God… Ok, forget it. Let me see that thing.” The human took the book and looked at the cover, and then he noticed he had something in his hand. “Ah? Hey, look, I have something too. A… pencil?”
You have something on your face too.
“Yeah. Somebody slapped me with a red connection pen.”
***
Carousel Boutique
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!
I DON’T KNOW, BUT I THINK IT’S HUNGRY!
*Spider-like cat noise*
OH CELESTIA IT TALKED AGAIN! TWILIGHT, DO SOMETHING!
HEY, IT’S YOUR PET, THE READERS GIVE IT TO YOU! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD DO SOMETHING!
*Spider-like cat noise, but this time angrier*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
*Puts Twilight in a maid outfit*
*Pling!*
AAAAAAARGH!
AAAAAAAA –Oh, nice dress! I’m not a fan of such outfits, but I must say that black goes with purple. Pretty charming. Hmmm… maybe you should change that ribbon, let me…
RARITY! DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT NOW IT’S THE TIME FOR THIS?!
I’m a fashionista, Twilight. Excuse me if I like to see my friends wearing a dress properly.
*Spider-like cat noise*
Oh, right. The abomination. Ejem.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
***
Fluttershy’s house
Aragón sighed again. With a frown, the author closed the book which contained his adventures with the ponies.
…
The human looked at Pinkie. His once called co-author had tears in her eyes, her hair completely flat. She didn’t look like Pinkie-who-doesn’t-in-pink because her fur was still bright, but even a blind could have seen that the pony was extremely sad.
Greentalk is…
“Greentalk is f*beeep*ing with us”, interrupted Aragón. Oh! Let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! I’ll call it “thesuperfantasticalstory” was a huge book, but neither Pinkie nor the human had read it completely. They had stopped after reading a chapter named Intemedio – Each word is important.
“We can’t be sure if this is real, Pinkie. Maybe Invisible Underlined Alicorn, or Peewee, or whoever he is is right and…”
I know that this is from the readers! I saw it! It had starly-like things and the words were all blackey and obscure, and…!
“If Greentalk is able to stop us like he did in the hospital, then he’s able to fake a book.” Aragón closed his eyes. “He… It is powerful enough. Maybe it wants us to believe that Peewee is being tortured, and…”
Then he’s powerful enough to be torturing Peewee for real! Our friend is suffering! I-I don’t know what Greentalk did to him, but he was screaming in pain and maybe now he’s dead and I don’t want him dead and…!
“Pinkie…”
And we don’t know where are Twilight and the others and maybe they’re being tortured too and we don’t know where is Spike AND I’M SCARED BECAUSE I DON’T WANT THEM TO SUFFER AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE ARE THEY AND I DON’T WANT TO READ THIS BOOK ANYMORE BECAUSEMAYBEITSAYSTHATMYFRIENDSARESUFFERINGMOREAND…!
“PINKIE!” screamed Aragón. “Calm down!”
BUT…!
“I know!” The author felt tears in his eyes. “I know that you’re right! I’m scared too!” Moving faster than ever, Aragón hugged Pinkie, who started to sob against his chest. “It’s true that the Invisible Underlined Alicorn is not my best friend, but I don’t want him to be tortured either! And I can understand that you’re frightened, but we need to believe that our friends are all right!”
But what if they aren’t?! W-what if Greentalk…?
Aragón sighed. “Pinkie, the best thing for us is to think that they’re ok.” The human was not used to be in situations like that, so he didn’t know exactly what to say. The pony was trembling. She reminded Aragón of a little puppy he once had. “I mean… We can’t do anything right now, even if we know that they’re being tortured, we’re still useless…”
…
There is no use, thought the human. Pinkie was trembling even more.
Anything made sense. It was true that the events he had lived the last few hours had been pretty random, but…
Invisible Underlined Alicorn was Peewee? The bird was being tortured? Spike was a hostage? And to top it all, the fanfic that he had started to write now included him as a character. In fact, he was there since the very beginning.
Sure, he knew he was not real. But there was a difference between “knowing” and “seeing”. His thoughts, actions and emotions were written –and the worst part was that he was able to remember himself writing everything… even though he was sure that he hadn’t wrote anything. He had just lived it.
If Twilight had been there, she could have answered a few things. Being able to read everything again had been a weird experience. At the moment he hadn’t realized anything, but all of them had broken the fourth wall at least once. Then, how is that they didn’t know that they were fictional characters?
Why something so obvious had been so hard to understand? In the second chapter, Twilight had mentioned something about the “canon”, as if she knew already everything about the show. In fact, Aragón himself had been mentioning the show over and over again, and nopony had noticed it!
…
The pink pony hugged Aragón stronger. Her cry was silenced by the human’s chest. Slowly, he started to stroke her flat mane, like he used to do with his dog.
His mind, however, was submerged in the book he had read.
There was something strange there. In chapter five, everything was silly. In chapter six, everything was dramatic and no one knew that they were fake.
And then, that discovering had started everything. Now Aragón saw it clear as day. The drama, the suffering… everything started in the sixth chapter.
At the moment he hadn’t realized anything, but reading the book was easy to see that the ponies had been suffering.
The tears that his eyes were keeping escaped and flowed down his cheeks.
How could he be so stupid?
He hadn’t notice it.
He was at their side all the time, and he hadn’t notice it.
The ponies had been suffering. Now that he could read the conversations, now that he could read what did they say when he was not listening…
He was able to see it now.
…
The ponies had hit him.
Rainbow Dash and Rarity had sent him to the hospital.
Twilight had insulted him until he cried.
Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink had come to his room with a knife.
The ponies hated him.
That was undeniable.
And they had been suffering a lot since chapter six.
Greentalk had split them, and Spike, one of their friends, was hold as a hostage.
…
“I don’t care if they hate me,” muttered the human.
H-huh?
“I don’t care if they think I’m trash. I don’t care if they send me to the hospital or insult me until I cry. I don’t mind if they set my f*beeeeep*ing house on fire.”
A-Aragón?
The author was crying, but his eyes were fill with rage. He didn’t hear the pink pony, who was now looking at him.
“I don’t care what they think about me,” muttered. “They are still ponies.”
What are you…?
Aragón was a brony. That meant that he was a fan of a TV show named “My little Pony”. That meant that he liked the characters of the show.
That meant that he cared about the characters of the show.
And the ponies had been suffering.
He, as a fan, as a writer, as a brony, didn’t like that. He hated that.
And the ponies had started suffering when Greentalk appeared.
Aragón…
Greentalk was holding Spike as a hostage.
Greentalk was torturing Peewee, if the book was reliable.
Greentalk had split the party.
…
And worst of all…
Greentalk was making Pinkie cry.
Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie.
The only pony that liked him. The pony that drove him crazy. The only pony that was kind to him. The pony that allowed her friends to hit him with a baseball bat. The only pony that smiled at him. The pony that made alligators appear from his computer.
The only pony that considered him a friend.
And Greentalk was making her sad.
Pinkie Pie was suffering, was crying, because of Greentalk.
“I don’t care who Greentalk is.” Aragón was breathing heavily. “I don’t care if he has f*beeeep*ing superpowers. I don’t care if he can kill me.”
Aragón?
“I don’t care at all. Because nobody f*beep*cks with the ponies when I’m around.” Pinkie moved away from Aragón, who didn’t notice it. “Nobody!”
The human stood and looked at the sky rising a fist. “Can you hear me, Greentalk?! Nobody f*beeep*cks with the ponies when I’m around! Prepare yourself, stupid monster, whoever you are!! BECAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO SUFFER THE WRATH OF A SPANIARD!”
Aragón… Why are you screaming at the…?
“LISTEN TO ME, PINKIE!” Aragón frowned and looked at the pink mare with a wild smile. “WE’RE GOING TO SAVE PEEWEE AND YOUR FRIENDS, AND WE’RE GOING TO KICK GREENTALK’S ASS!”
B-but you said that we’re useless…!
“I DON’T CARE!” The author had heard the words ‘hot blooded’ before, but he hadn’t understand them until now. His whole body was on fire. The word ‘fury’ was not enough to describe the heat. “I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID, PINKIE! BECAUSE YOU ARE A F*beep*CKING REALITY WARPER, AND I’M A MOTHERF*beep*CKING AUTHOR!”
…
“SO PREPARE YOURSELF, GREENTALK!”
…Yes!
“BECAUSE WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!”
Yes!
“AND WE’LL RESCUE PEEWEE!”
YES!
“AND WE’LL TEACH YOU TO F*beep*CK WITH US! NOBODY CAN MAKE PINKIE CRY AND THEN CONTINUE WITH HIS LIFE LIKE IF NOTHING HAPPENED!”
EXACTLY! WE’RE COMING AT YOU, MEANIE-PANTS!
“BECAUSE IF YOU TRY TO F*beeep*CK WITH ME…”
THEN…!
“I’LL BE THE ONE WHO WILL FUCK YOU UNTILL YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!!!!!
***
Hmmmm?
Oh, what a surprise. You’re able to jump between levels now? Congratulations, my little one. I’ve been waiting for you.
When you try to defend someone special, you jump to a higher level. Sadly, I think you haven’t noticed it… but our readers have, right? They can fix this for you and your companions.
Well, I think that now is a good time for me to do something. From now on, I’m not the “guy-who-hasn’t-appeared-yet” anymore. But since I don’t want you to know who I am, you can call me Louis.
You’ll be the first who will be blessed by me, Aragón. You were a tiny retarded seed… now grow and become a huge, wonderful and less retarded tree.
Go and save your friends. Be a hero.
I’ll be watching. You have the potential. And now… you have the guts.
Make me proud.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
What the…? Pinkie, you can do that? You can color my words like nothing?
Well, that’s what I did! Aragón, hurry up! You’re running too slow!
“I’m a human, ok?!” The author was running as fast as he could… In other words, very slowly compared to the ponies. “I only have two legs! And I’m the one carrying the books and the computer, so…!”
But why the hell are we running? And why the hell did you paint my dialogue?!
Aragón shook his head, panting like a dog. “There is no time for -gah -us to explain anything, and you’ll –oh my GOD my chest hurts -see it when we arrive to Carousel Boutique!”
Uh… I can try to carry you, if you don’t mind…
“T-that would be awesome, yes…!”
Are you crazy?! Fluttershy, this human must weigh a ton or something! You can’t carry him!
Oh…
Now you can do exercise, Aragón! That’s a good thing, right?!
The human tried to answer, but he was unable to. Instead of talking, he simply shook his head and painted a little louder.
I’ll take that as a “yes”!
…
Pinkie, you mentioned something about “Canon-Twilight”. What did you mean?
Well, we’ve met another version of Twilight, and another version of me and you! So now we have me (Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink), you (Pinkie-who-talks-in-red) and Canon-Pinkie (who talks in a very funny way)!
Oh, my…
Another Pinkie Pie?! But how?! Did you create her too?!
I’ve created somepony before? That’s cool!
Pinki –I mean, Pinkamena… I don’t think you were created. Maybe Chrysalis was wrong…
Shy, you can’t deny the truth. I was created by Pinkie when she looked at my picture in Aragón’s computer…
The human raised his head at the sound of Pinkie-who-talks-in-red’s-voice. He tried to say something and failed. Seeing that all his energy was destined to the act of trying to run as fast as the ponies, the author resigned to listen as carefully as possible.
…And the fact that I’m on a higher level now doesn’t make any sense unless we accept that’s true.
Uh? I’ve created you?
You did it the same way you created Gummy when you saw his picture. I remember reading the comments and suddenly being crazy and trying to kill Aragón after discovering some of the fanfics. What did you do at that moment?
Oh… Well, I read the comments and then I saw an author who had written a very funny story about us! And then I read a lot of things, and then I baked a cake because I was hungry, and…!
So, that’s the moment when you created me… Or maybe you split in two after reading that Equestria was not real. One of us becomes the funny Pinkie Pie, and the other becomes the crazy one, and the cause is the things we read…
Then, I’m like your twin sister?!
I would say that you’re more like my mother, Pinkie. I was in a lower level than you, after all, so is not crazy to guess that you created me, or that you’re the “real one”. And of course, you’ve raised my level just by painting me with a red correction pen, so you being my creator makes a lot of sense. You’re not my author because you didn’t write anything about me and you can’t control me… but you still have some kind of power over me.
Then… “Creator” and “author” aren’t the same thing?
An author can be also your creator, and your creator can be your author, but they are not the same, right?
The very nature of the fanfic resides upon the idea of an author who is not your creator.
“…F-faust!”
Huh?
Aragón swallowed and tried to talk, even though it seemed impossible. Surprisingly, he was able to mutter a couple of words, but his voice sounded very scratchy because of the exercise. “F-faust… creator… Doesn’t… write… some episodes…. not an auth –gahh…”
He couldn’t say anything more. The human looked at his surroundings, but Ponyville was still far away. He sighed, or at least tried to.
Our creator is not our author?
The human nodded.
Oh.
See? So, as Pinkie colored my words, now I’m on a higher level…
Higher than me?
Well… I’m not very sure. In fact, I have a theory about it… And I can’t find any reason to think I’m wrong.
But now I can’t explain it to you. It’s… difficult. And I can’t concentrate if we’re running, specially if I don’t know where are we going! And you didn’t explain anything about the third Pinkie!
But if we don’t tell you anything, everything is funnier! And I read it in Aragón’s book: intrigue is very important! If the readers don’t know where are we going or why are we running, they are interested and that’s a good thing!
But…
And who cares a fuck about the readers?!
It’s funnier that way! Now, hurry! Ponyville is still very far away! We could use the star-like things to travel very super-duper fast as we did before, but then the intrigue would disappear, and that would be very not-funny! So hurry up!
Eh…
ARE YOU SAYING THAT WE’RE RUNNING BECAUSE YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!
Yes!
AUTHOR! SAY SOMETHING!
Aragón tried to talk. He tried with all his willpower. But sadly, even though he was thinking exactly the same as Pinkie-who-talks-in-red, even though he opined that the situation would be a lot better if Fluttershy and the psychopath mare knew about everything, his body was not very used to any kind of exercise, so physically, it was impossible for him to say anything.
Oh, come on! This is serious!
I’ve had enough seriousness for today, Pinkie-who-talks-in-red!
Ah?! What do you mean?!
The situation is dangerous, and I’ve been crying a lot, so now I want to have fun! Because crying and being sad is too sad for Pinkie!
Pinkie… you…
…
So now run! Because when you’re running, you can’t think about sad things!
…
Sigh. Well, as you say, “mother”. I’ll let you do what you want this time. You won.
Really?! Yay! And what did I win?!
…Forget it.
…
And what’s up with you and that smile? Do you think I’m funny or something? I still have mud on my mane, or…?
Oh, no, no! It’s nothing like that! It’s just…
…
…Can’t you see it? You’re one of us!
Oh, please. Stop with that crap.
***
Carousel Boutique
Oh, and remember: Your marefriend’s life is in my hooves now…
Dash closed her eyes. “You…”
And then, everything stopped.
Oh, let’s pause this for a moment, ok? I’m tired of talking with the pegasus. I want to see something orange, my dear.
…!
Oh, of course. I’ll allow you to talk, Applejack. Please, enlighten me with your beautiful voice.
…You MONSTER! HOW DO YOU DARE TO DO THAT?!
Oh, sorry. You don’t like my use of the word “marefriend”. And I thought you were so close…
STOP WITH YOUR MIND GAMES, FAKE-SPIKE! STOP LYING TO RAINBOW!
Oh. I’m lying to her? Then you’re not dead?
OF COURSE NOT! STOP TALKING TO HER AND LET HER SEE ME OR I’LL…!
Or you’ll what, exactly? What can you do? You’re paralyzed. You can’t do absolutely anything. It’s impossible for you to be free from my charm.
I SWEAR THAT I’LL BREAK FREE, AND THEN I’LL KILL YOU!
Oh, yes?
PROVE ME!
And your feeble pony mind can’t understand that I also have Rainbow Dash in my possession?
…!
I can kill her with a single thought. Her neck will be completely broken. Is that what you want? Come on!
Agh!
You’re free now! You can move, you can run, you can fight! If you try to hurt me, then the blue pegasus is leaving the land of the living in less than a second! You wanted me to prove you? Here you go!
…
You…
Come on. I see the rage in your eyes. You want to kill me. You can kill me. Look what form I’ve acquired. I’m a blue pegasus that looks like your dear Rainbow Dash. My bones are so fragile that you can break them with a single kick. I’m as fragile as a little bird, and you can kill me! Do it!
You… you COWARD! YOU ARE NOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT WITHOUT A HOSTAGE?! LEAVE RAINBOW DASH ALONE!
Me? A coward? No. I’m just more clever than you, Applejack. I’m facing my death right now. I can see in your face that your greatest desire right now is seeing me as a corpse. And I’m not scared of you.
BECAUSE YOU’RE HOLDING RAINBOW DASH AS A SHIELD! I CAN’T DO ANYTHING IF SHE’S GOING TO BE HURT!
And that weakness of yours makes me a coward? I don’t think so.
YOU…!
Me. I’ve defeated you, and you can’t do anything. Now stop screaming or I’ll be mad at you.
MONST…!
Believe me: you don’t want me to be mad. Not when I can kill your marefriend so easily, right?
…
That’s better. Now answer me, please: What do you think about my plan? I give you to Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash gives me her levels. She will become a puppet, but you’ll be free. It’s not a bad deal, huh?
Don’t you dare to do it…
Well, it’s not your decision. Dashie is the only one who has the power to do something here. Because I’m not lying, of course. Maybe I’ve exaggerated a bit the “Applejack is dead” thing, but the fact that I’ll leave you alone if the pegasus pleases me is entirely true.
Don’t try to use your fancy words on me! You’re a liar!
Oh, I’m a liar? Well then. From now on, I’ll say the truth always. Cross my heart and hope to fly…
I’m not believing you!
Ha! Do what you want, AJ. I’m not lying to Dashie anymore… but don’t worry, she’ll save you no matter what I do.
I don’t want her to sacrifice herself for me!
Well, it’s a shame. By the way, now you are the one who’s boring. So, if you don’t mind…
…!
Eeexactly. Quiet and still as a statue. Now let’s continue with the movie, ok? I love to see the loyalty of your friend. You’re a lucky mare, did you know?
***
Fluttershy’s home
Ah?!
SO BE PREPARED, YOU ASSHOLE BECAUSE I DECLARE THIS DAY YOU’LL FALL!!
Aragón! You’re talking in purple! And you’re underlined!
YEAH!
That’s awesome!
I KNOW!
How are you doing it?!
I HAVE NO IDEA!
…Well, that doesn’t matter! If you’re talking in purple, that means that you are in a higher level, right?! That means that now we are more able to rescue Peewee and Spike and the girls!
Yes! Well, I guess so!
Then, let’s go!
No! Wait! We need to plan something bef –wait a minute, talking like this is a pain in the ass. Hnnnnnnnnnng –gah!” Aragón smiled. “That’s better. Talking in purple is cool, but it’s better to be like this, at least for the moment.”
Eh? Why?
“Because now Greentalk can’t know that I’m in a higher level just by listening to me.” The human frowned. The pink mare seemed a little less sad than before, but her mane was still flat. “Pinkie, we need to rescue your friends. But Greentalk is dangerous. We can’t go and try to fight it right now. We need to think a plan or something like that.”
Oh.
…
That makes sense! But… what kind of plan? I mean… where’s Peewee? Where are the girls? What should we do?
“Euh…” The author sighed. “I don’t know. In fact, that’s the point. We don’t know absolutely anything. Judging by the things we’ve read, Greentalk knows the rules of this world… so it has an advantage. I think we need to solve that.”
You’re right. But we do know a couple of things! Like… well, Greentalk is a meanie-peanie-pants, and Invisible Underlined Alicorn is Peewee! Also, we can jump between the levels of the cake because you just did it, and now you talk in purple! And… Hum… The readers can help us and they can throw things! And we’re made of sugar!
Aragón nodded. “But that information is too basic.” Slowly, the author sat on the ground. “We don’t kn –wait a moment. You said sugar?”
Yes!
“Eeh…” Aragón blinked twice and then sighed again. Pinkie was smiling, so he guessed that the pony was happy now. Being a party pony, cheering her up couldn’t be so difficult after all. “Oookay… I’ll ignore that.” The human rolled his eyes. “I think that we need more information, like… who is Greentalk? Or what is it?”
I don’t know. Maybe we can ask the readers!
“I think they don’t know anything either. By the way, they had threw a lot of things, right?”
Yes! We got… a red correction pen, a book, another book, a computer, a jug of water without water, and we had a hammer and a marshmallow but…
“Wait, we have a computer?” Aragón frowned. Then he noticed that he had been sitting right next to a notebook and his eyes opened wide. “Hey! How did I miss that? This and the book that contains our fanfic are very useful tools!”
Aragón almost jumped, his heart pounding so hard that it hurt. Screaming a little, the human turned back to see a lavender unicorn with a dark mane…
…and a pink-colored earth pony.
Aragón looked at the Pinkie Pie at his side. Then he looked at the other Pinkie. Her friend had a smile so big that the human was sure it hurt. And her mane was all poofed, like always…
TWILIGHT! PINKIE-WHO-DOESN’T-TALK-IN-PINK! You’re ok! Oh Celestia, I’m so relieved! I-I thought that…!
The author acted fast, so he was able to stop Pinkie before she jumped onto the two mares. He didn’t have any weapon, so he pointed the new companions with the pen he had in his hand. “Stop there,” said. “Explain right now who you are, and how can you talk in that way.”
ARAGÓN! What are you doing?! They are our friends! How can you…!
“Pinkie.” Aragón frowned. “Look at them. The Pinkie we had in front of us has the same fur color than you. Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-pink is darker. Her eyes are different: the pupils are bigger, and they are… warmer, somehow. She is not the pony that came to my room with a knive.”
But…!
“And she’s not our Twilight either.” Aragón sighed. “I’m really sorry, Pinkie. I also want to meet with your friends, but…” The sight of the pink mare becoming sadder and sadder each second was heartbreaking. Saying those words was difficult. “But this can be Greentalk’s trap, and I’m not falling on it.”
B-but how can you say that she is not…?!
“Pinkie, please.” The other Pinkie and the fake Twilight were looking at him without blinking. “If we know that the pink one who talks in a weird way is not our friends, it’s easy to guess that if Twilight talks exactly in the same way, she’s also fake.”
…
“Pinkie…”
…
…you are Greentalk, then?
Aragón blinked. “What do you mean?”
Spike’s friends? I’m also his friend! And…!
***
Carousel Boutique
Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and sighed.
“You win,” she said. “I’ll… make you go higher. Just tell me what I have to do.”
…!!! …H!!
The thing in Applejack’s body shook her head, disappointed. Dash, Dash, Dash… How can you say that? said. You’re giving up? I was hoping you to fight a little! The fake mare smiled. You know, at least some kind of resistance, don’t you think?
Rainbow frowned. “What… are you talking about? You asked me…”
Oh, I know I asked you to give up. Fake-AJ raised an eyebrow. And of course, I’m glad you gave up so soon. But at the same time… It sighed. I’m… disappointed. I guess you weren’t so loyal after all…
“What are you saying?!” Dash stood tall and looked at Fake-Applejack’s eyes with anger. “I just want her to be safe! Of course I’m loyal, she’s one of my bests friends! Now stop fooling around, and…!”
How can you say that? interrupted the monster. You honestly think that you’re being kind to your friend or something? The orange mare laughed softly. Oh, my, Dashie… I didn’t know you were so selfish…
“SELFISH?! HOW CAN YOU…?!”
*Invisible hand slaps Rainbow Dash*
The pegasus didn’t see that coming. Without any kind of noise or warning, her cheek was hit by some kind of force. Her screams were interrupted as her head bounced to the left because of the impact. As she stood there, completely startled by the coup, the pain appeared. She felt blood on her mouth.
“W-what…” Dash raised a hoof and touched her cheek. It hurt. “Did you hit me?” Her eye twitched, as the fear disappeared. Forgetting Applejack for a second, her mind was filled with rage. “How DARE YOU TO…!”
It wasn’t me. The soft, calmed voice of the monster was strange enough for Dash to stop screaming. Its face had a strange smile, and for some reason, the pegasus knew it wasn’t lying. I didn’t do it. You received that slap from one of the readers.
The blue mare blinked. “What are you…? The readers?! What are you talking about?!”
Oh, please. I knew you were the stupider of all your friends, but I can’t believe you don’t understand this. Fake-Applejack raised a hoof and pointed at the sky. We’re not real. You’re not real. We’re in a story. So, some people are reading what we do. But, as the fourth wall is broken, the readers are able to do things. The monster’s eyes narrowed. And of course, they’re in the heroes’ side. That means they’re with you…
Or so I thought. Now, I don’t think the same.
Rainbow Dash spread her wings and spitted a mix of blood and saliva. “So, now there are some ponies who can help me?” She smiled. “Then… Hey! Readers! Do your job and help me with this guy! Free Applejack, and then…!”
Why would them?
Dash blinked, confused. “What?”
I don’t see the reason why they would help you. Fake-Applejack shook her head and started to walk in circles around Rainbow. They will only help the heroes. And now, even though some people won’t consider you a villain, you’re not a hero…
“That’s not true!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “I’m in the goods’ side!”
Oh, yes?The mare was now right behind the pegasus, who turned to the right to see her. Then, why did you betray Applejack just a few minutes ago?
The pegasus jumped and started to fly without noticing, still standing on the same spot. “What?” I didn’t betray anypony! In fact, I want to sacrifice myself to save Applejack!”
Ah. Fake-Applejack smiled again and approached Dash, their faces almost touching. And what does that mean? Do you honestly think that your marefriend will be happy if she finds that her lover killed herself just for her safety? You know Applejack. If you do that, if you accept my offer… she’ll be devastated.
Dash looked away. The thing was right… sorta. “But… I’m doing this for her…”
No. You’re doing this just for you. Fake-Applejack moved her head, so the pegasus couldn’t look at anything but its eyes. You can’t live with the idea of a dead AJ, right? You need your marefriend. You’re giving up, you’re killing yourself because you’re too weak to fight…
“That’s not true!” Dash showed her teeth and returned the angry look to the monster in AJ’s body. “I’m doing it for her! Because she has a family! She has friends! And I love her, so…!”
That’s exactly what I’m saying! The monster smirked, its voice sounding louder each second. You said that she has a family, but that’s not true! You’re not real, and this Applejack doesn’t have anypony! In this world, neither Applebloom nor Big Macintosh exist! You said she has friends, but you have too! If you’re dead, then Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity will be as sad as can be!
“But Applejack…!”
It doesn’t matter! The monster laughed like a psychopath. Can’t you see it?! If Applejack dies, they’ll be sad. If you die, they’ll be sad! You’re NOT doing this for them, and you know it!
Dash shook her head. “I’m doing this for…!”
If you sacrifice yourself, Applejack is going to suffer an unimaginable pain! If AJ dies, then you’re the one who is going to be living in hell! Fake Applejack pointed at her own chest, at her face. You can’t live without seeing this. Without touching this. Now, Applejack is in peace. she’s in heaven. She can’t feel anything. If you sacrifice yourself… Another laugh, another smirk. Then you’re forcing her to feel pain.
The mare shook her head again and again. Fake-Applejack’s words were nailed in her mind like burning needles.
“It’s not true. I’m doing this for her,” she said. “You’re lying! YOU’RE LYING!”
If I’m lying, why are you crying?
Rainbow gasped and touched her cheek, the one that didn’t hurt. There were tears on int.
You know I’m telling the truth. The orange mare raised an eyebrow. You may think you didn’t know it, but you did. You just don’t care. I asked you: What’s more important? What do you prefer? Your suffering, or your lover’s pain? Applejack’s face had a weird expression. It was trying to fake sadness, but a wild fun lied on its eyes. And you chose to die. You want peace. Who cares about AJ? It’s Dashie we’re talking about!
“No…”
Dashie, the pegasus. The best flier of all Equestria. The selfish, fool, egoist, boastful Rainbow Dash!
“No…!”
The one who always talks about her abilities, the one who can do such amazing feats! The one who only thinks in one pony: herself! And you dare to think that you’re loyal?! You dare to think that you deserve friends, or fame, or fans? You’re a joke!
“No!”
You’re a shameless, stupid foal who can’t fight, who can’t embrace suffering, who can’t think about nothing but herself! You look at AJ and what do you see? An earth pony. A mare with no wings. Somepony inferior. Fake-Applejack was screaming now, its voice deep as a dragon’s. But she’s attractive, so let’s hook on her! But at the same time, let’s remind her as much as we can that she’s not a pegasus! That she can’t fly! Because you know that she’s better than you, and you can’t bear that! You can’t face the truth, because you’re a sad, pathetic pony…!
“SHUT UP!” Rainbow Dash raised a hoof and hit fake-Applejack in the face, throwing the orange mare a few feet and causing her to fall to the ground. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!”
The blue mare launched herself onto the monster and started to hit her. Her eyes were closed, her cheeks were filled with tears. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT…!”
*Invisible hand slaps Rainbow Dash*
Another hit out of nowhere stopped Rainbow. Fake-Applejack took advantage of the pause and pushed her away.
*Invisible hand slaps Rainbow Dash*
This time, the hit was harder than before. Dash fell on her knees, her mouth now filled with blood, and spitted two teeth. Then. Fake-Applejack approached her and hit her one more time, causing the pegasus to fell completely on the ground.
Well, well, well… Even though Dash was bleeding from the four hits, the orange mare seemed perfectly unharmed, not a simple wound on her body. Don’t you see it? Even the readers think that you’re pathetic. They root for me, and I’m the villain.
The pegasus sobbed.
You’re selfish, and you know it. You don’t care about Applejack, you only care about yourself. The orange mare looked at Dash with hate. You’re a monster.
Dash was crying. Embracing herself, the blue pegasus trembled on the ground, her eyes closed.
Just looking at you makes me sick. Fake-Applejack said. Now, sacrifice yourself and end this. You’re not funny anymore. You’re just… pathetic.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
Tch. At least, you could tell us what did you find, or…
No! But you can tell us what did you do! What happened here? Who was that white pony?
Oh, she was…
She wasn’t a pony. She was Chrysalis, who tried to fool me.
Chrysalis?
Aragón raised a hand in an attempt to repeat the pink pony’s question.
Long story short, we take care of her with some help. Right, Fluttershy?
Y-yes! Well, no! You did all the job! You saved me, Pinkamena!
Uuuuuuh!
Tch. That’s not true. I was lucky, that’s all. A reader threw a hammer tied to a rock, and the monster was knocked out, or killed. I don’t know exactly…
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
…
*Puts Chrysalis in a dominatrix outfit*
Pling!
…
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
…Who cares, she’s not a menace anymore.
Well, I’m glad to hear that!
…
…
Fluttershy…
Oh, yes? What do you want?
I’m not forgetting what I said you before. One day, you’ll need to do… that.
…
It’s for your own sake, Shy. I just want to protect you.
But…
Please, Fluttershy. You owe me one. I saved you before… now I want you to save me.
Pinkie promise.
…
…
…Sigh.
Cross my heart and hope to fly…
Heh. Thanks, Shy…
I Pinkie Pie Promise that I’ll protect you, and I’ll never harm you in any way!
WHAT?!
You saved my life, Pinkamena, and I’ll protect you!
But, can’t you understand it?! I’m a villain! I’ll hurt you! I’ll…!
STOP SAYING THAT!
Even Aragón, who had zero energy at that moment, jumped out for the surprise. Fluttershy’s scream was one of the loudest he had ever heard.
S-shy…
You’re not a villain! You’re a hero! You saved my life, and fought against Chrysalis! And you don’t want to kill anypony! You’re a good pony, Pinkamena!
…
…
…Sigh.
You’re wrong, Fluttershy. I’m no hero. I just…
*Let a single ray of light from the sun shine through the rain to illuminate Pinkamena*
*Shows Pinkamena the letter*
The human watched as the clouds moved away, and a single ray of light illuminated Pinkamena’s face, at the same time that a paper fell down from the sky right in front of the flat maned pony.
Dear Pinkamena:
Listen here, missy. Listen closely. I know you can break the fourth wall and read my comment! Beggings and sad Fluttershy smiles aside, I'm offering you reason and cold logic: there's no reason for you to kill Fluttershy. Think this over! The whole reasoning of Greentalk is based upon the fact that you are both villains. The catch here? It's you who decides whether to be a villain or a hero! Just because in a thousand other fanfics Pinkamena murdered others, this doesn't necessary means that you have to step on the same path and call yourself a villain. Let me quote Greentalk itself:
"You'll be used in another fanfics, of course… but that one won't be you. She… it will be a clone, a mere copy. Because the real one, the real Pinkamena, you, will be in this story forever."
This means, if you think about it, that it doesn't matter what other Pinkamenas do in other fics, because they are only "clones, mere copies!" If you decide to be a protagonist, you could win by allying yourself with the heroes, and not by taking a risky plan about murdering Fluttershy! By the way, why would you do that? Just because Greentalk, somepony who did nothing but harm to you and to your friends, somepony you don't even know told you? Why would killing an innocent stop the killing of other innocents? Greentalk didn't offer you logic, (s)he's just playing with your feelings to make you do the dirty work for him/her.
Yours truly:
A reader.
PS: I don’t know who the real author is, but I’m sure he is a very handsome guy.
Even the author could see Pinkamena’s smile.
…I just knew that out there, there was somepony trying to help me.
***
Fluttershy’s home
Aragón shook his head. The words that the two mares had said were still in the air.
“What? Twilight, explain yourself, or…!”
“I was created, I’m not real.” Aragón nodded. “Yes, I know. Are you trying to tell me that Spike is my author?”
The human raised a hand. “Please, just tell me the important stuff. I’m sure you have a wonderful story, but right now I’m not in the mood for this, so…”
But if Spike is our author, then there is another level!
Aragón sighed. “Greentalk…”
Ah!
It is! It’s a combo! Aragón, that Pinkie is using my Pinkie Sense!
The human looked at the other Pinkie, the one who was bouncing so hard that it seemed painful. Her tail, legs and hears were dancing like a drunk driver. “Well…”
I’m sure that she’s not faking it! Nopony knows my combos but me!
Aragón scratched his forehead. “Hmm…” muttered. “Well, I guess you’re right. The things they’re saying seem possible. We can trust them… I hope so.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” The human shook his head. “Now, pardon me if I’m wrong, but I think you said something about this book, right?”
Aragón frowned. “Wait a minute. You’re searching for us? Twilight, Fluttershy and the others?”
She said the truth! That’s the meaning of the combo, Aragón!
“Ok, ok, I get it.” The human took the notebook and the two books and looked at them. “Judging by this thing, right now it’s 5:23 p.m. You said that we have no time. Let’s rescue the girls and we’ll talk later.”
Yes! Let’s rescue them, let’s rescue them! Now we have a plan, or something that seems a plan, so…!
“Wait, you need to…!”
It was too late. Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight were gone. Both mares had disappeared in less than two seconds, showing their amazing speed. Being a quadruped had some advantages. Aragón lowed his hand and crossed his arms. “Well,” said. “I guess we can show them later.”
Show what?
Aragón smiled and pointed at Oh! Let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! I’ll call it “thesuperfantasticalstory”! with his head. “This. Sure, we can use it to find where are the girls, but this book has another bit of useful information…”
…
“Because we want to know who is the real author, right?”
Ah! Of course! We can read his name!
“Exactly.” The author opened the book and started to read the first pages. “It must be here… Damn, it should be on the front page, but…”
Ah! Here!
The human opened his eyes wide and looked at the place Pinkie was pointing. Right under the title, in the third page, there was a name…
Oh! Let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! I’ll call it “thesuperfantasticalstory”!
By Aragón
…
Aragón sighed. So, the book only contained his name. “Well, that didn’t solve anything. Now, let’s go. I think we have to…”
We need to hurry! Come on, come on! We can save our friends and Spike and Peewee and everypony! Come on!
The human blinked, surprised by the sudden energy of the pony. “Eh…”
HURRY!
“Ok, ok! I’m going with you! You lead me, because I don’t know where Froggy Bottom Bog is…”
Oh, silly, we don’t need to run! I know a faster way to go there!
Aragón frowned. Something in Pinkie’s voice… “Eh… what do you mean?”
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
…Using the star-like things, of course!
“Ah!” Aragón couldn’t hold a little scream. “For Celestia’s sake, could you please warn me before doing something like this?!”
Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink! Aragón!
***
Carousel Boutique
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
DO SOMETHING! THAT THING IS…!!
*Spider-like cat noise*
*ZZZAP!*
AH!
YOU!
Me.
*Bzap*
*Spider-like cat noise*
*Spider-like cat noise*
*Spider-like cat noise*
***
Carousel Boutique
Now stop crying, and do what you want. You aren’t going to brace suffering, so…
Dash didn’t move. The pony was crying, and she didn’t know why. Why those words had such an effect? Usually, the pegasus would have laughed at Fake-Applejack, that was her style. But now…
Maybe… Maybe it was right. Maybe Dash was just a pathetic foal who didn’t know anything. Maybe she was lying to herself…
Did the readers think that? Did they hate her because of her weakness? Did they think that AJ was better than her?
*Gives Rainbow Dash Applejack’s hat*
The sudden weight on her head was enough for her to know what had happened.
She was not a hero. That’s what the readers thought. She was just…
Fake-Applejack kicked her. Your final choice. Now.
“I…” Dash looked away, at the ground. “I…
I give up.”
Fake-Applejack started to laugh.
…! ….H!!
Oh, my. You seem angry.
…!!!
Well, I didn’t lie. You see? Everything I said was true… from a certain point of view. Oh, you can talk now.
You MONSTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! DASH IS…!
Dash is willing to kill herself –or at least she’s willing to do something as bad as that –just for you.
STOP THAT! DON’T TOUCH HER!
Oh, that’s what you want?
I’VE SAID…!
Well, you’re so desperate that I can’t say “no” to you. You can save Dashie.
…
What do you want?
Clever girl! You’re just like your marefriend, aren’t you? Well, the answer is simple. I asked Rainbow Dash for something… but you can give it to me too.
…
It’s exactly the same situation. If you go down, I’ll go up. And Dash will be safe. What do you say?
You…
You planned all this, right? You wanted me to see all this, just because then I won’t say no to anything…
Who knows? I’m just asking you, Applejack. “Yes” or “no”? The choice is yours, my little pony.
…
You won. Just… don’t harm Dash.
Hah! Well, it’s a deal, my little pony! Now you’re going lower and lower… and I’m going up! Congratulations, little filly! You just killed yourself!
Hnnng… I-I’m feeling a little…” The world was turning around in circles. Applejack felt sick, her head was burning, her hooves felt like jelly…
Oh, but now you can talk to your marefriend… right?
The world was banishing. Dash’s head was burning, her hooves felt like jelly. Fake-Applejack was laughing louder and louder…
And then everything disappeared.
Applejack couldn’t see anything. Her eyes closed at the same time that her body turned grey. The monster’s voice came from very, very far…
Something was wrong… Rainbow… She could feel it: Rainbow was not there…
The pegasus she had been looking at… it had been an illusion…
Oh, no. It seems like you did this a little too late. You see…
I’m afraid that I had this conversation with Dashie a couple hours ago…
***
Carousel Boutique
…
…
…
There is… nothing… here.
Aragón fell on the ground, completely exhausted. With his last forces, he opened the notebook.
The clock showed four numbers.
08:34 p.m.
Just a few minutes ago, it was 5:00 p.m or so.
“We… have…” His breath was not enough for him to finish the phrase, but the thought remained in his head.
They had travelled in time.
Thirteenth chapter: Aragonum requiescit
Louis’ note: Hmm…
“Comedy” and “Random”. Yeah, I should really change the tags. This is not a comedy anymore.
Carousel Boutique
…Well, there is nothing here.
Uhm, maybe it’s not the exact place… We should look inside the boutique…
Nothing inside, Shy. Look, Pinkie, I think you should tell us everything. Why are we here? Who told you that Carousel Boutique was an important place? Maybe you didn’t understand…
Yes! I’m sure! Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight said they will be here, and we will meet in Ponyville! Right, Aragón?
For Celestia’s sake, at least you could try to explain something! Who the hell are those Canon-two you’re talking about?!
The human was still looking at the notebook, panting like a dog. He didn’t listen to Pinkie. His mind was completely centered on the hour.
From 5:23 p.m. to 8: 34 p.m. Around three hours completely lost. The walk between Froggy Bottom Bog and Ponyville had longed no more than thirty minutes.
Aragón looked at the sky. The sun was hiding, and everything seemed red or orange. There were a few clouds, but no birds.
The human sighed and looked at the three ponies. He was slowly recovering, and now he seemed to breathe more easily. Fluttershy, Pinkie and Pinkie-who-talks-in-red were looking at him with a worried face.
…Aragón?
A-are you okay? Your face… you seem… worried…
Terrified. He seems terrified, Shy. I’ve seen that face a thousand times before. What’s happening?
Aragón put the notebook on the ground, right next to the two books he was also carrying. Gulping, he looked at Pinkie.
“I think something is happening, girls. Come here.”
…
What do you mean, “something”?
“Look at the sky, Pinkie”, said the author. “Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, I mean. Can’t you see it? We’re at dusk. When we talked to Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight, the sun was up there. It was half past five or so. Now it’s half past eight”.
Ah?
Gasp! You’re right! It’s very late! But…!
When Fluttershy and I were talking with Chrysalis, the sun was not so down, I think. But it was a hour ago, so it’s natural…
“I’m not talking about that.” The human frowned and looked at the notebook again. “Look, do you know what this is?”
Some kind of computer?
“Yes. It’s from the readers.” The author shook his head. “For some reason, we have Internet here, but that’s not the point. Computers like this had a clock, and it never fails. As I said, we jumped from half past five to half past eight”.
…
...
…
I… I don’t know what to think…
Me neither. It’s a bad thing?
We can’t be sure.
“Yeah, but I don’t like it.” Aragón frowned. “ Greentalk seems to know everything about this world, and we don’t know anything. And now we’re time travelling? If we don’t find why, that’s just another disadvantage to us.”
The human looked at Pinkie. “Listen, I know you want to make everything a surprise, but they need to know what has happened. We desperately need Pinkie-who-talks-in-red, she’s probably our best ally now… No offense, Fluttershy.”
O-oh, don’t worry. I know I can be useless…
You’re not useless, Fluttershy! We need you, I’m sure!
“That’s not what I meant”. The author smiled. “Sorry if I didn’t explain myself. Fluttershy, I know you have some abilities we need, and we’ll need them a lot. The thing is: Pinkamena is also very useful, and it’s exactly what we need now.”
…
Oh, no, no, I’m not mad at you. And I’m sure Pinkie –well, Pinkie-who-talks-in-red –can help us a lot.
“She and Twilight are the smartest, everypony knows it,” said Aragón. “And, in fact, I think Pinkie-who-talks-in-red is even better than Twily. After all, she’s the serious version of Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink.”
What do you mean?
“I mean that your brain is something out of this world” Aragón sighed. “You seem to understand things that we don’t… but, well, you’re Pinkie Pie. I don’t see if you can explain anything to us.”
Hey!
Uh… that doesn’t seem very…
…
“Pinkie, you had a chat with Invisible Underlined Alicorn that nopony understood.” The human took the Let’s write a fanfic book and opened it searching for the fourth chapter. “Surely, now that’s useless, because Invisible Underlined Alicorn is… not here anymore, but the thing is: this world is easier to understand for you…. Oh, here it is! At this level, rainbow and you are exactly equal. Since you have no control and her personality has become aware of itself, she’s the epitome of independence, and like the bird which abandon its parent’s nest, the multiple dimensions of what you know as ‘reality’ are at the same time inside and outside her. that’s the reason why she can cross the infinite line, the one that must not be named, and then overthrow the wall of time, space and imagination, thus making her soul and mind become atoms and escape from the infinite white of the ‘collective mind’.”
…
Eh… What?
Oh, that’s easy! It’s what Invisible Underlined Alicorn said when Dashie kicked you!
“Yeah. It was the first time one of you went outside the computer and hit me.” Aragón rolled his eyes. “Back at then, it seemed something weird. Ha! And now I’m in Equestria. Crazy world we live in… But I’m getting sidetracked.” The author shook his head. “Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, you can understand this. So, I guess you can understand it too, Pinkie-who-talks-in-red. Right?”
…
Yes. Invisible Underlined Alicorn said it in a weird way, but it’s something easy if you understand the metaphor.
“I knew it.” Aragón smiled. “You seem… sharper than Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink.”
…
…
Uh… Pinkie-who-doesn’t-talk-in-red… Are you all right?
..
What happened to you, Aragón?
“Ah?”
You… you seem cleverer than before. Or at least, you seem less stupid, which is even more unusual. What the hell happened?
Well… he was hit by a hammer, and then he talked in purple, and…
What?!
You talked in purple?!
“Hmmm.” Aragón bit his lip. “Well, yes. It’s a very long story, so…”
And what’s that book?! Who are Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight? Where are Dash, Applejack, Twilight and Rarity? What do you know about Invisible Underlined Alicorn and what do you mean with “he’s not here anymore”? Why are we here? Explain! EXPLAIN, GODDAMNIT!
Ih!
Oh!
“Ok, ok, no need for you to scream. You’re scaring Fluttershy and Pinkie-who…”
Stop! Right there!
Sigh… look, I need to calm down, I need to calm down. I get it. But right now, there’s a lot of stuff happening, and I need to know what the hell are we facing. So, shut the hell up. All of you.
But…
I said ALL OF YOU! And I mean it! I’ve killed before, you know?! I can do it again if I hear another word! Shut the HELL UP!
…
…
Aragón gulped.
Ugh. Fine. My god, you can be annoying.
No, no. Sorry. I mean… agh. This situation is just… I need to get everything. And the last thing we need now is getting sidetracked. And that’s what you’re always doing.
…
Well, maybe not you, Shy, but that’s not the point.
The human blinked twice before giggling. He tried to cover his mouth with his hand, but he failed miserably.
I’m not asking you why you are laughing because I don’t want to get sidetracked, mind you. But this is serious. Stop it.
The author nodded.
Good.
Now, let’s see. You seem to know a lot of things, and Fluttershy and I know a lot of things, and we need to put things in order. So, I’ll ask you one question a time, Aragón, and you’ll answer me. And you’ll say nothing but the answer. Pinkie, you can help him if he’s not explaining himself very well, but I don’t want you to interrupt him. Shy, don’t talk and listen carefully.
Get it?! And answer with “yes” or “no”, or I’ll be angry!
Y-yes.
Yes!
Aragón smiled. “You sound just like my mother. I mean, yes.”
Good. Finally. We’re not leaving this place until we have something clear.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
My, my, my. You can’t do anything without me, huh?
Hnng… My head hurts.
Well, luckily for you, I have good news. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are off. They won’t be a problem anymore.
And… Twilight Sparkle and the white unicorn?
Rarity? Oh, don’t worry. Sadly, I haven’t played with them, but that’s because they were too dangerous.
They’re dead.
Are you sure?
Oh, believe me. I burned their bodies. They’re just ashes right now.
By the way, I love the new outfit.
What are you talking ab…
…
I’m going to kill every damn reader of this thing. They wore me with leather?!
It suits you very well. Very… how’s the word? Dominating.
I hate you.
You’re welcome.
***
I’ll start with the most important one. Who the hell are Canon-Twilight and Canon-Pinkie?
Aragón scratched his head. “I’m not really sure, but… They’re two ponies Pinkie and I met at Fluttershy’s home. That’s where we appeared after Greentalk teletransported us, by the way…”
…
“All right, all right, I’m not getting sidetracked, I swear!” The sight of Pinkie-who-talks-in-red’s face was enough for Aragón to know he was not saying what she wanted. “Well, we where there, trying to plan something to save Peewee and Spike, who were…”
I’ll ask about them later. Now, go to the Canon-two.
“Yes, yes. Sorry.” Aragón cleared her throat. “We were at Fluttershy’s when suddenly, we saw another Twilight and another Pinkie there. I saw they weren’t you and our Twilight because they talked in a weird way. Like…”
With pictures! They had a picture of their faces right next to the thing they were saying!
They talked in pictures? That’s… new. Very, very new.
“I thought the same thing. I don’t know if that means they’re on a higher level. What do you think?”
It’s impossible for us to know that. But it’s radically different from what I’ve ever s-Wait! Pinkie!
Yes?
You can talk with pictures, right?! You did it back in the eighth chapter!
She’s right!
“Oh, yeah. You totally did it.” Aragón looked at Pinkie. “But it wasn’t like Canon-Pinkie. It was…”
[img] http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/8671/loveface.png [/img]
Hnng.
Ick!
“That was scaring as shit. Also, that face is disturbingly sexy. Please don’t do that anymore.” Aragón shivered. “But the thing is: that’s not the way Canon-Pinkie talked. She was completely different.”
I can’t talk like them. I tried but that’s the closest I can get!
…
What do you think, Pinkie? Pinkie who-talks-in-red, I mean?
I think a lot of things. For example, Aragón just said “shit” and there was no censorship.
But as I said before, we should stop getting sidetracked. I’ll talk about this later. Now, continue with your story, Aragón.
“Oh, of course. Let’s see…” The human scratched his head again. “They introduced themselves as ‘Spike’s friends’. They also said that Spike is the real author of this story…”
That only makes sense if we have another author.
Aragón nodded. “Yeah, I know. If that’s true, somebody created Spike, who created me, and I created you.”
I was created by Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink, so that makes… four creators for me. And we don’t even know if there are more.
“What?! You were created by…?!”
Later. Continue with your story.
“Ah. Sorry. It’s kinda difficult, you see, with something distracting me every second.” The author sighed again. He was sighing a lot recently. “Let’s see… Canon-Twilight explained that she commanded Spike to write a book, in which I was the protagonist. And in that book, I wrote a book, and then you came.”
They confirmed our theory?
“Yes.”
I see. Continue.
“They said that they come from Spike’s world, and so does Greentalk.” Aragón frowned. “In other words, Canon-Pinkie, Canon-Twilight, Greentalk, Spike and Peewee –that is, Invisible Underlined Alicorn –are higher than us.”
Oh, no… Then, they’re more real than us…
But we can go higher, right? We can just jump, and then we’ll defeat Greentalk!
We already defeated her. It was Chrysalis all along.
“What?!” Aragón opened his eyes wide. “You defeated Greentalk?! It’s not a menace anymore?!”
That’s what I thought, yes. But we’re trapped here, and we’ve traveled in time, so… Maybe she’s still a menace. I’ll explain it later.
The author sighed. Again. “Well, I’m happy to know that… But I don’t think we can go higher than them, Pinkie.”
What?! Why?!
“Think about it.” Aragón looked at her. “When we go higher, we break the fourth wall, right? That’s why the higher ones can talk in color, and that’s why some of you can read the comments and things like that.”
…
Well… yes?
“Greentalk –I mean, Chrysalis –is from the world of our author. So, he’s like Spike, right? Higher. Real. We’re just characters in a novel. It doesn’t matter how much we break the fourth wall, we’ll never be at her level.”
…
Oh, no…
W-what? Then, you’re saying that we can’t…?
I’m amazed by your intelligence, Aragón, but you’re wrong.
Huh?
“What?”
Yes!
You’re forgetting that Spike is also fake. He may be our creator, but he was created by someone too, right? Then, we’re on the same level. At last, we’re all part of the same story –the one the real author is writing. So, they may be higher, but we can ascend until we’re exactly like them.
Aragón frowned. “That makes sense…” A smile appeared in her face. “Then, we can win?”
Well, you’re our author and we’re already higher than you, so yes. If somepony is fake, he can be in every level of the cake.
Phew…
Yes!
“Well, that’s great.” Aragón sighed, in relief. “But at the end, with the real author…”
I don’t know if we can be completely real, but at least we’ll be higher than anything else. I’m the proof that a character can escape from a fanfic, so don’t lose your hope.
The three ponies and the human quiet down. The sky was now almost completely red. The temperature started to go down.
It’s getting late. Continue with the story, please.
“Yes. After this, Canon-Pinkie felt a combo. She said her Pinkie Sense was talking to her…”
It was! I recognized the combo! It said that somepony was here, in Carousel Boutique! And that something big was going to happen in Froggy Bottom Bog!
That’s me defeating Chrysalis, I guess.
And then they said that we should separate and meet again in Ponyville and they disappeared and we used the starly things and we went with you!
“Exactly.” Aragón nodded and looked to the Pinkie who talked in red. “That’s all. They were gone as fast as they came. I didn’t have time to talk with them, or to ask them something more. I didn’t even showed them this book!” said, raising the Superfantasticalstory book.
Yeah!
Huh. Weird. Did they say who are they looking for?
“I think they’re looking for us”, answered the human. “They want to rescue Spike and Peewee and help us.”
Why?
Canon-Twilight said there is no need for a reason to help somepony!
An altruistic one. How refreshing.
Uhm… Aragón?
“Yes?”
That book… What’s written in it?
“You mean this one?” asked the author, pointing at the Superfantasticalstory. “It’s from the readers… it’s basically our story. Everything the readers had read, I think. Pinkie and I haven’t read the entire thing, because…”
WHAT?!
Aragón winced when Pinkie-who-talked-in-red screamed at his ear. “Eh… what’s the matt…?”
You have a BOOK that tells EVERYTHING and you haven’t read it? Are you nuts?!
“Well, we didn’t have the opportunity, if you want me to be honest. Also, there are some parts that are… difficult to read…”
…
Peewee… was being tortured by Chrysalis. We couldn’t read that.
WHAT?! T-tortured?! A-as in…?! In…?!
“It’s not so bad!” said Aragón. Fluttershy seemed traumatized. “Pinkie’s exaggerating! Greentalk was just being rude to Peewee! There was no hurting, I swear!”
I-I don’t feel very well… How can she do something like that?! Peewee’s just a baby!
Oh, no! Fluttershy, I didn’t want you to be worried! Sorry! I just…
…
Tch. You’re just too fragile. But I guess it’s normal. You’re so innocent…
Aragón approached Pinkie-who-talked-in-red while the other Pinkie was talking to Fluttershy. “They had never seen anything grimdark. It was a strong hit for Pinkie… That’s the reason why I talked in purple, I think.”
I know, I know. I guess you couldn’t do anything if that’s the case. But we should read the book right now. It would be easier for me to understand everything. Really, you don’t need to tell me what has happened to you. I mean, I can read it.
“I guess you’re right.” Aragón nodded. “But… Peewee was being tortured, and I don’t want those two to read something like that again…”
Don’t worry. I’ve seen enough traumatized ponies in my fics, so I don’t want that either.
…
What are you two talking about?
Oh, it’s nothing. We’re going to read this book, Shy. There is no need for us to explain anything. Reading will be faster.
…
But…
I read really fast. If I see something bad in the pages, I want you two to just look away. Understood?
But…! If something bad is happening, I want to know it!
Yeah! They are our friends!
That was an order, girls, not a question.
You’re not our leader!
“But I am.” Aragón looked at the two cream-colored ponies. “I think the same, girls. Just… if she says something, obey her. She’s our leader now. It’s the best one we can get.”
…
…
Understood?
“We just want to protect you. Just… do what she says.”
…
Okie-dokie.
I’ll do it… but you’ll tell us everything!
Understood. Let’s read, then… No, wait. What’s that second book, Aragón?
“A guide to write well”, answered the author. “The readers gave it to us too. It’s a manual. I’ve read a few pages. It’s quite frustrating, but I guess it makes some sense.” The human smiled. “Maybe the readers wanted me to be a better author. Something unnecessary, because I’m already very good, right?”
I changed my mind.
“What?”
Fluttershy, Pinkie and I read this book. You read that one.
“What?” Aragón frowned. “But…”
I’m the leader, right? Then obey me. Read the fucking book. If you become a better author, you can be very useful. You’re our creator after all.
…
…
She’s got a point.
Eyup.
“But I don’t like it!” whined the human. “It’s boring, and it says I’m not a good writer! But I am!”
Oh, god, I’ve forgotten that side of yours.
“What are you implying?”
Look, I’m the smart one, right? Then, read the book. I don’t want complaints.
“But…”
Read the book! NOW!
“Ok, ok!” The author sighed again. “Now I regret saying that we should follow your orders.”
What a shame.
…It’s getting dark. I don’t see the letters very well…
The computer has light! We can use it as a lamp!
Hmm. You’re right. Let’s start with this now. Maybe we’ll find why there is nothing here.
Aragón approached the notebook too and opened his own book. “Are you going to read everything?” asked. “The entire book?”
No. I’ll start with Chrysalis’ first apparition. Maybe she said or did something useful.
***
Froggy Bottom Bog
Then we have only four protagonists?
No. Three protagonists and one villain. Pinkamena is in our side. Even she knows that one day she’ll betray her friends.
Hmm. Can you walk?
Yes. Where are they?
In Carousel Boutique, of course. Every single one of them will die in that place.
Let’s go then.
Oh, come on. You want to fly?
What else can we…? Oh. Of course.
Of course.
*Bzeeeep*
***
Carousel Boutique
The place was unusually silent. The three ponies were reading the Superfantasticalstory book, while Aragón had the How-to-write manual. It was not a funny book. A chapter completely devoted to plot and genres, and after that, one that talked about characters.
“The protagonist: what can you expect from your hero?” read the human. “Oh, come on.”
Hmm… It seems like in the beginning Chrysalis fooled Invisible Underlined Alicorn. She acts like Spike, advertising Spike’s blog…
What’s a blog?
Something like a comic. Saying that in the story was enough for her to fool Invisible Underlined Alicorn. It seems like in the sixth chapter there’s nothing useful…
She stopped Peewee because he thought you were going to…kill Aragón? What a funny idea!
…
Yeah. Funny. Ha, ha, ha.
“Wait, what?” Aragón raised his head and looked at the three ponies. “What did you say about killing me?”
Nothing. Go back to your book.
The human growled and continued with the guide. Fortunately, that chapter was more interesting than the first one.
Let’s see… you realize you were fake, and I appeared for the first time. Hmm. Chrysalis, Aragón realizing he’s fake, you realizing you’re fake, my first apparition… Chapter six was very serious, right?
…
Everything was funny until that chapter! Then, it all started to go down, and… now we’re…
“The story started”, muttered Aragón.
What?
“The first chapters were just an introduction… something for the readers to know the characters, the world, the narration… everything. Then, it changed genre, from comedy to drama. Dramatic comedy, in fact.” The human looked at the ponies. “It’s something common. Comedy authors write serious plots when they want to be taken seriously. The effect is… interesting. It can be pretty good, if you ask me.” He looked at the book again. “It’s called ‘Cerebrus Syndrome’ on the Internet, because a comic called ‘Cerebrus’, which is a cult classic, at least in my opinion, did it masterfully.”
…
…
…
Aragón blinked. Suddenly, the silence was heavier than usual. “What?”
By Celestia’s mane, I can hear you becoming smarter. Continue with the book.
“But…”
Continue with the book!
“Ok, ok!”
Hmpf.
Let’s see… Seventh chapter. Oh? Well, that’s weird.
What? It’s just Chrysalis talking with the invisible underlined alicorn. I don’t see the problem…
She calls him stupid. And she calls Pinkie-who-talks-in-red a psycho. That’s very mean.
I’m not talking about that. Invisible Underlined Alicorn was expecting Aragón to react in a different manner… he talks about the suspense of the previous chapter. He talks like if this was a story written by a bad author, nor real life…
It’s strange to read what happened… It feels like everything was just a lie.
…
…
…
Well, this is a sto…
Yes, I just realized that was a stupid comment. Please don’t talk about it.
Oh.
It just feels weird, like Shy said. You lose your vision. Everything is so… clear. So simple.
“You know, reading this stuff would be easier if you stopped talking” said Aragón, raising an eyebrow. “It’s hard to concentrate in the book without noise, if you get what I mean.”
Shut up and read. We need to talk. How else could I explain what happens to these two?
“But…”
Stop arguing, Aragón! We want to read!
“Oh, come on.” The author continued reading. The book was still talking about protagonists. “For the god of…”
Fluttershy and Pinkie, don’t read this sentence.
Why?
It’s… a lie from Chrysalis. Believe me, you don’t want to read it again. You’ll get angry.
“What does she say?” asked Aragón. “No, no, I’m reading, I swear. It’s just…”
The line talks about you and Sweetie Belle. You get it?
“Oh”. Color abandoned Aragón’s face as he understood what the line saying was. Pinkie-who-talked-in-pink already knew he tried to ‘kill’ Sweetie Belle, but it was better for her not to remember it. “Oh. Yeah, don’t read it.”
…
Sweetie Belle? You mean…?
Stop there, Pinkie. Aragón, the book.
“Yes, mommy.”
And stop with the sarcasm!
“Yeah, yeah”
My conversation with Aragón… this doesn’t need to be read.
Chandler’s law? What’s that?
Chrysalis herself explains it a few lines later. Something about breaking a door.
Oh.
Do you know it, Aragón?
“Uh-huh.” The author didn’t raise the head. The book was interesting for once, talking about self-sacrifice and the real heroes. “Yeah. When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun. My favorite version is the one with ninjas.”
That book is magic, right?
Who knows. It works, which is perfect for us.
“I don’t know if I should feel insulted or flattered.”
You should continue reading.
“Got it.” It was funny this time, so the human was pleased for once. “I think this can be enjoyable after all.”
…
…
Hmm… Reading this, I realize that Rainbow is the slower one understanding things. Like Aragón.
That’s funny!
I don’t see where the funny part is, Pinkie. We shouldn’t be talking like this of our friends…
I’m just saying the truth, Shy.
Dashie and Aragón don’t like each other, but they are very similar! I’m sure that, on the inside, they really like each other.
He’s a brony. Of course he likes Rainbow Dash. She, on the other hoof…
Oh, Dash is a very kind pony. She’s just a little difficult to understand, but her heart is so big I’m sure she likes Aragón!
Yeah, well, she beat him with a baseball bat. Maybe you should reconsider Dash’s heart’s size. Just saying.
What?! Invisible Underlined Alicorn didn’t know he was fake?!
[color=yes]We didn’t know it either.
Yes, but him seemed to know almost everything about this world. I guess the story about Spike writing a book is true, then: The alicorn helped him and entered the book, knowing we were fake and the general plot, or something like that. I guess he was a co-writer or something like that. That would explain everything.
I didn’t think of that!
I’m not really sure if I’m understanding you…
Hmm. Think about the levels of the cake, please. Peewee thought he was on the higher one, the top of the cake. And he seemed to know everything about this world. That would make sense, right?
Yes?
But he was in the middle. Then, how’s that he knew so many things? Because he helped creating this world… that is, the lower levels of the cake. The levels written by Spike. Her knowledge didn’t come from his level, but from his work.
Ooooh.
“We’re talking about everything in sweet metaphors, right?” Aragón sighed. “There is no chance we can change, am I wrong? Because that would be awesome. I’m tired of all this cakes and cupcakes and things.”
How can you be tired of cakes?! You’re made of sugar!
…
…
What?
“She’s just being Pinkie”. The human shrugged. “Continue with the book and stop talking, please.”
…
[coor=red]Eighth chapter starting. Let’s go to the Chrysalis part, shall we? We already had this conversation, and it’s too long.
Oki-doki-loki!
Hmm. “For the sake of my green fire”, says Chrysalis. Wait, that was a joke?
Was she talking about Spike’s fire or her own fire?
“Foreshadowing”, said Aragón. “Is she talking with Peewee?”
Yes.
“Then she was foreshadowing her own identity. A joke, yes. Peewee thought she was talking about Spike’s fire, but in reality that was just a trick. I guess the readers thought the same.” The author laughed. “Very clever.”
Why would she…?
“She’s a villain. She doesn’t need any reason.” Aragón was almost finishing the protagonist-centered chapter. “I guess Chrysalis thought it was funny. If there’s an author out there, he just wanted to show her intelligence. It’s said that foreshadowing is the key to good literature.”
…
Hey, read this part with me. It’s just my imagination, or Dashie and Applejack seem a little… nervous?
Oh. There is tension between them.
“What are my ears hearing?” The author raised his head with a huge smile. “Appledash? There is sexual tension between those two? I knew it!”
Read that book and stop talking.
They’re just friends! Stop saying weird things!
“You’re boring.” Aragón obeyed Pinkie-who-talked-in-red with a frown on his face. “Very boring.”
Oh. Invisible Underlined Alicorn was Peewee after all.
We told you so.
Oh, I love that cute little phoenix. She’s just so lovely…
She’s also the editor of this story. See? I was right before. She helped Spike writing this.
What?
”I’m the one and only, the past, the future and the present. I’m you and I’m everything that is not you. I’m the soul of the world…” He’s the editor of this story. I mean, the one who tells Spike what’s right and what’s wrong. See? “I’m your dream, I’m your worst nightmare. I am the one, you are the other.” Seeing that this is a flashback, I guess she was talking to you when he said this, right Aragón?
“Yes.” The human frowned. “Are you saying that he was just explaining he was the editor? Really?”
How can you understand that?
Well… “The one and only, the past, the future and the present”. I guess he’s just saying he’s the only editor of this story. He edited the first chapter, he’s editing the present chapter and he’ll edit the future chapters.
But…
“That makes sense if he’s our writer too”, pointed Aragón. “I mean… if that’s the meaning, he can be saying ‘I wrote the past, the future and the present’. I remember asking him if he was a god or something. If he’s our writer, he’s our god.” The author bit his lip, trying to remember. “And he said something about being a lot of gods, or something…”
No, he’s not an author. Can’t you see it? He’s talking to you, so he “is your dream and your worst nightmare”. That describes an editor perfectly.
Can we go to chapter three? It’s where the original conversation was, or at least that’s what Peewee says…
Yeah! Give me the book… here! He’s talking to Aragón! Back at then, I talked like this. Do you remember it?
“How nostalgic.” Aragón smiled. “Things have changed a lot. Can you translate what he told me, Pinkie-who-talks-in-red?”
It’s easy, if you take his words as an editor’s advice. Don’t talk about this or you’ll die; he can control Pinkie for a second and sent her to the kitchen because, well, he’s the editor and back at then she was in a lower level…
I was in a lower level of the cake?
You just said you talked in italics. And, well, Peewee controlled you. So, I guess you were a bit lower than now, yes.
Oh, my.
Let’s see… “We are the same and extremely different”. Well, yes, both writers and editors work with words, but their jobs are very different. Indeed. You can’t see him, the sight is the most important sense and the least, only his mind is with you…
That doesn’t make much sense. Is he talking about descriptions?
Descriptions?
Maybe… but I don’t understand this part either. It’s like if he was talking about something different…
“Maybe he is.” Aragón rolled his eyes. “Who cares, anyway. He was a pain in the ass.”
Oh, look. He’s warning you about the… how did you call it? Cerberus Syndrome?
“Cerebrus”, corrected the author. “He talks about it?”
”If Pinkie reads the comments, it’s your doom”. She saw my picture and I became alive… and with me, the drama began. Well, with me and Chrysalis and all this “we are fake” stuff. Hey, he even says that Pinkie shouldn’t read fanfics.
Oooooh. I brought doom?
“No, I did.” The author sighed. “I was the one who didn’t pay attention to you and the comments. I’m sorr…”
Yeah, yeah, we know. Go to your book we don’t have time for apologies. Now all that crap is useless. And we should stop reading about Peewee, girls.
Yes… we should continue with Chrysalis.
Oki-doki-loki! Eighth chapter again!
Aragón nodded and continued reading. New chapter: ‘You have a story and a character: learn to narrate them’. “Ugh. Boring again, I guess.”
…
…
…
Uh? What’s this?
What?
Here… you say a lot of times that you can’t see any difference between Spike and Chrysalis. How is that? In Froggy Bottom Bog, you said you saw through her disguise!
Oh, that. Well, I lied.
Huh?
What?!
I thought it was obvious. She appeared like somepony named “Professor Marbles”, and she was talking in green. I just deduced she was Greentalk… and, well, talking in green and being able to look exactly like someone were two obvious clues.
B-but then… you weren’t able to see through her disguise?
No. I said so because I wanted to play with her mind a little. And, well, she was nervous all the time, so I guess it worked.
You lied? That’s very clever!
Well, I repeat it was obvious.
Oh, look. At the end of this chapter, Greentalk does that thing and split us into groups.
Yeah… Huh? What’s this? Chrysalis gave Peewee a clue about her identity?
Oh. What does that mean?
I think is some kind of… hyperlink. Aragón, you said we have Internet?
“Yes,” answered the author. “I guess we are in the Internet after all… the story is being posted in a webpage.”
Good point. Then, let me search the video…
“Nah, I’ll do it.” Aragón closed his book and took the notebook. “Typing with hooves must be difficult.”
The human opened the Internet and wrote the hyperlink at the searching bar. The result was a Youtube video.
Suddenly, the silent town was filled with music.
What? A song?
Catchy!
Uh, it’s… pretty good, I guess…
“Hey, I know this one!” Aragón smiled and moved his head following the rhythm of the song. “It’s ‘Discord’! It’s something like a brony anthem!”
…
‘Discord’?
“Yeah, it’s the name of the…” The author blinked. “Wait a moment. Greentalk’s saying he’s…?”
No way!
It has to be a lie!
…This makes no sense. I’m sure the Greentalk we defeated at Froggy Bottom Bog was Chrysalis!
“Maybe she was just lying”. Aragón frowned and turned off the music. “You know… like you did. She doesn’t need to say always the truth. Villains can lie if they want, right?”
Heroes can lie too! Because Pinkie-who-talks-in-red…!
I wouldn’t call myself a hero, Pinkie. But that’s not the point…
Aragón, what can you say about this song? You seem to know it…
“Well… it’s pretty popular.” The author shrugged. “It’s a remix by a musician known as ThelivingTombstone. And… that’s all, I think.”
Hmm.
Pinkie… You seem angry…
I’m not angry!
No, I’m talking about Pinkie-who-talks-in-red.
…I’m not angry, it’s just… I think I’m missing something here. And I don’t like it.
You mean she’s not lying? Greentalk is… He’s not Chrysalis?
No. I’m sure we defeated Chrysalis.
“Then, that clue is a lie.” Aragón sighed and took the manual one more time. “Don’t think about it too much or you’ll end up with a headache.”
…
Sigh. I guess you’re right. Let’s continue with the book, girls.
…
The human lied on the ground and continued reading. The chapter was slightly more boring than the last one, but at least it was more entertaining than the first one.
Right next to him, the three ponies did the same.
…
…
…
Intermedio… This is the chapter in which Peewee…
This is the chapter you aren’t going to read. But, what’s with the title? Why is in Spanish?
Spanish?
A language from the human world. “Intermedio” means something like “Interlude”.
“Oh, you talk Spanish?” Aragón raised his head and smiled. “¡Es mi lengua nativa! ¿Cómo es que sabes hablarla?”
What?
Uh?
He said Spanish is his native tongue. And also, he asked me why do I know how to talk in his beloved language.
I just understand it, I don’t know why. But I can’t talk in Spanish.
“That’s weird.”
I think it’s awesome! You two know two languages!
Yes! That’s very impressive!
Hmm.
…
…
“Something interesting in the Intermedio?” asked Aragón after a few minutes of silence. “Or it’s just…?”
The beginning is just Chrysalis being, eh… mean to Peewee. Oh, and the bird is censored by her, so we can assume she’s in a higher level. Nothing really new.
“I see.”
And… Ow. Oh, no. This…. I don’t like this.
What? What happens?!
The Elements of Harmony. I think… Chrysalis destroyed them.
…!
…!
The human’s eye twitched. “W-what?! You mean, the Elements of Harmony?!”
Well, I think they’re pretty unique, so yes. The Elements.
Oh, no! T-that’s terrible!
But…! The Elements can’t be just destroyed, right?!
“You’re right!” The author pointed at Pinkie. “Nightmare Moon broke them, and you restored them right?”
Yes!
You’re right! The Elements are inside us! They can’t be destroyed!
Oh. Maybe you’re right.
“Even if we were wrong, we don’t need the Elements”, pointed Aragón. “You already defeated Chrysalis, right? And you didn’t use magic…”
I used a rock tied to a hammer, which is faster than the Elements’ rainbow.
“Well, then there is no reason to worry.” The human looked at the book again. “By the way, I think we’re breaking the fourth wall so hard right now that we broke something.”
We’re just commenting the previous chapters…
And we’re explaining them!
Oh, goodness… It’s a bad thing to break the fourth wall?
“I don’t think so”, answered Aragón. “And, hey, we’re commenting the previous chapters in story. I mean… we have the book right here, and we’re reading it. The characters know they’re characters and read their own book even when they are still in it, and then explain things like foreshadowing or obscure metaphors.”
If you see it that way…
Are you sure it’s not bad?
To me, it sounds very funny! Pinkie-who-talks-in-red, can we read the book now?
Yeah, I’ve finished the Intermedio. And, surprise surprise, Chrysalis lied once. So it’s very easy for her to lie with the clue too.
“Where did she lie?”
You should continue reading, Aragón. Really.
“And I’m reading! I just ask questions when they need to be asked!”
Uh… Well, his question is interesting. Where did Chrysalis lie?
Do you remember when she said that Aragón was not able to react correctly to… eh… to me holding a knife against him?
Yes! Peewee called him stupid!
And Chrysalis said that, as the story is a comedy, there was no place for drama here…
“I still think I reacted the right way.” Aragón smiled. “I’m still alive after all.”
You had dumb luck, I got to admit it.
Well, it seems like everything Chrysalis said about this being a comedy is bullshit. Bad stuff can happen to us in any moment.
Oh.
…
“I kinda knew that already”, muttered the author. “But… Well, now its official, I guess.”
Let’s continue with the next chapter, girls. And Aragón…
“Manual.” The human sighed. “Yes, mommy.”
What did I say about sarcasm?
“Sorry, mommy.”
…
Pffft…
Teeh-heh-heh…
Hey! Did you two just giggled?!
Nope.
No, of course not.
…
Aragón covered his smile with the book. Red-talking Pinkie seemed pretty angry, but that only made the situation funnier.
…Idiots.
Ok, ninth chapter start –What?! There is a character we haven’t meet yet?
What do you mean?
Look at this! “Guy-who-hasn’t-appeared-yet’s note”! There is a character out there I don’t recognize!
Let me see it!
Where?
Here! He talks directly to the readers, as if he was the real author! Aragón, this is important!
“Hmmm.” Aragón was reading a new chapter, named ‘Overpowered characters, Deux ex Machinas, stories on the fly: Things you must not do’, and it was pretty interesting. “Yeah, well… Hmmm.”
By Princess Luna’s toaster, the one time I think I need your comments and you want to read?! Come here right now!
“Ok, ok! Geeeeez.” The author closed his manual and approached the flat maned pony. “Sorry, mommy. What were you saying?”
Aragón has changed, right?
Well, he looks smarter.
No, no… I mean, yes, he seems smarter, but… Look at his eyes. He seems more...
Dependable? He looks like someone you can trust in.
Yes! Exactly!
You two, come here right now! You should listen this too!
Oki-doki!
“Let’s see… Well, yes. It seems like there is a character we haven’t meet yet… And it’s a ‘he’, because he named himself ‘guy’”. The human nodded. “And… he’s the author?”
I guess so. He complains about the tags, he complains about… wait. The tags are still “Comedy” and “Random”?
“I can understand the last one.”
Why?
“Pinkie, mind you refresh my memory?” Aragón turned to the pink-talking Pinkie. “What are we made of?”
Sugar! And sweets!
Point taken.
Then… we have another author?
“Who knows.” The human frowned and read the note from the guy who hadn’t appeared yet. “He says that he’s not making an author’s note, that his words are a part of the story. That seems pretty author-y for me.”
That’s not a word.
He’s explaining the readers how to interact with the story.
“Right.” Aragón’s eyes landed on the tags part. “Oh, and here’s where he talks about the tags…” Then, he blinked. “Wait a minute. There is something off here.”
What?
“The tags. This story is lacking something.” Aragón’s eyebrow formed a ‘V’ as the author approached his face to the book. “It’s random, it’s a comedy –at least at the beginning -, but… what’s lacking?”
Dark? Adventure?
“No… Maybe?” The author bit his lip. “No. I think I know what’s lacking… but if I’m right…” A smile appeared in his face and the ‘V’ disappeared. “If I’m right… that’s a very good new, girls.”
Yes! I like good news!
What’s it?
“Eh…” He laughed, suddenly embarrassed. “Sorry, but… I can’t tell you.”
…
…
…
What.
“Think about it a moment. I know you’re defeated Chrysalis, but…” The human sighed. “What if we need to face another danger? What if another evil guy appears? We need to be prepared.” He coughed. “And… well, when the readers know about a plan before the plan itself starts, it never works. It’s pretty basic stuff when you’re writing a suspense novel. If a plan works, it needs to be a surprise for the bad ones and the readers. It’s more interesting this way.”
…
What.
“Look, I know what I’m saying, ok?” Aragón smiled. “We need to know everything this book says, but, just once, I need to save this information only for me.”
You know I’m a serial killer? You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. And you’re making me very angry with this nosense.
Serial killer? Hah! That’s a good one!
But, really, Aragón, you should tell us.
“I’m the author, girls,” said the human. “At least I’m your author. Believe me: I’m doing this for the better.”
…
I trust you.
What?!
“Thanks, Fluttershy.”
But Shy, he’s hiding us…!
Look at his eyes, Pinkie. Both of you. We can trust him.
Well…
I… guess you’re right?
…
Argh. I can’t say no to you, Fluttershy. Congratulations, stupid author. You win this time,
“Oooh?” Aragón giggled. “You can’t say no to Fluttershy? Don’t tell me you two…”
We are very close friends, and if you even imagine something more, I’ll send you back to the hospital.
…
Aragón gulped. “Got it.”
Damn you shippers…
…
We should… continue reading?
Oki-doki-loki!
Hmm. He talks about the clue, that song… Oh, Chrysalis is cheating, he says. Then I was right?
“Well, that’s awesome, but we already told you not to think about it,” said the human. “Should I go back to my book now?”
I guess so. Next part shouldn’t be very interesting for you after all.
“Hmm?” Aragón raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
Well, duh, it’s your part in chapter nine!
“Did I have one?”
So it seems, yes. It’s basically you thinking.
“Let me see it.” The human took the Superfantasticalstory book and read the part the ponies were talking about. “Ok, I don’t remember anything.”
What?
You mean…? You mean this didn’t happen?
“I mean I don’t remember anything of this,” said the human. "But I do remember waking up with blood on my head. And Pinkie-who-talks-in-pink said I‘ll know one day what had happened.”
Oh.
Ooooh… I think I know what happened.
Me too!
“Yeah, well, I want to know the exact details.” Seeing as the ponies wanted to read too, he lowered the book and put it on the ground. “Let’s see… Hmm.”
Huh. You did a pretty interesting reasoning back then. If almost everybody broke the fourth wall at least once, why noticing we were fictional was such a big deal? Did we know that first and then we forgot it?
I already knew I was fictional since the beginning!
“Yes, but I assure you: I did not.” Aragón shook his head. “Fluttershy, did you break the fourth wall before noticing you were fictional?”
Eh… I don’t think so…
And I was created with the knowledge that I was fake.
“So… I’m the only one here who first knew he was just a character and then exactly the opposite?”
Yes.
Yes!
It… seems so.
“Interesting.” Aragón continued reading the thoughts he didn’t remember. “Oh, now I’m trying to deduce who Greentalk was. Now we know it’s Chrysalis, so…”
You say the readers think it’s Discord?
“I guess they were fooled by the clue. I mean, even the guy who hasn’t appeared yet said Greentalk cheated,” answered Aragón. “The song was pretty clear, so it’s difficult to deduce anything but ‘Greentalk is Discord’.”
…
That clue… I’m still annoyed by it. You’re sure there’s nothing else about that song, Aragón?
“No.” Aragón bit his lip. “At least that’s what I think. It’s just a remix…”
What?
A… what’s a remix?
…You didn’t say that before.
“Oh. Well, it was written in the title.” The author shrugged. “I just thought you already knew.”
But what’s a remix?
“It’s…” The author frowned. “It’s… eh… well, it’s something eerily hard to describe, it seems.”
He laughed. “Ok, sorry. It’s an alternative take of a song. Imagine you have a song that you like and… then you change it because you want to make your own version.”
Oh.
“And sometimes you can make something awesome!” Aragón smiled. “You can change the instrumental, the rhythm… even the genre! For example, the original ‘Discord’ was good, but the one you listened was a remix that’s, at least in my opinion, even better.”
Oh.
That’s pretty nice!
I get it! Then, a remix of the song ‘Discord’ is just ‘Discord’ with something that makes it better!
…!
“Oh Celestia.” Aragón’s face was suddenly white. Every shade of color abandoned it. His chest filled with fear.
No…!
What? Did I say something?
The… song. It’s…
“It’s Discord, with something more that makes him better.” Aragón frowned. “And… you two defeated Chrysalis.”
Nothing makes a villain better than another villain.
…! Don’t tell me that Greentalk is…!
*Bzeeeeeep*
We are two characters instead of one. Spooky, right?
Gah!
You!
Oh, no!
“You!” Aragón raised from the ground in less than a second and approached the three ponies in a protective way. “Who are you?!”
My, my, you seem very terrified, my friends! After all, I guess I am scary?
Discord.
Oh, I don’t like your voice. You seem angry! Are you sure you want to be like that? It’s a little dangerous for your friends, don’t you think?
…
You! You meanie-puny-spoofy-pants! Go away! Right now!
Iiiiih!
“So, you’re Discord then.” The human looked at the draconequus, who was showing himself as a red unicorn with a long, black mane. “And Chrysalis is your companion?”
Pffft… HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ow, you’re adorable!
I mean, look at you! We have an assassin who’s afraid of her own hooves, a Pegasus who can’t do nothing but hide from me, a stupid human who suddenly talks like a hero and a pink pony who has doomed all her friends! And you’re like…! Like, protecting each other with your own bodies? Hah!
…!
D-doomed?!
“Discord… Stop insulting us. Right now.
Oh, you talk in purple? You’re angry because I insulted your friends? Or because I said the truth?
Don’t listen to him. Chrysalis used the words to fight with us. I bet he’s doing the same.
And what else can I do, Pinkamena? Oh, I could kill you now, like I’ve done with your friends. But that wouldn’t be funny, right?
…!!
OUR FRIENDS?!
Don’t listen to him! He’s trying to fool us!
Oh, I’m fooling you? Then, answer this: where are your friends?
They are…!
Dead. Every one of them. And do you know how I know that?
Stop. Right now.
No… The girls can’t be…
I saw their deaths, Pinkie Pie. Applejack and Rainbow Dash sacrificed each other because they were too stupid to realize how life works. Rarity and Twilight Sparkle burned to ashes…
Stop.
Only you remain. And, best of all, it’s your fault! You could have saved them. You, Pinkie Pie. You, the one who has the power to do anything you want, the one who never takes things seriously. You knew you were fictional, but why should you tell anything? Life’s a party, right? Life’s a joke.
Except it’s not.
…
Pinkie, don’t listen to him!
Why? You don’t like what I’m saying? Because I’m sure your friends thought the same as me. Life can be very funny, but what happens when you only think about yourself, Pinkie?
I… I don’t…
I said STOP! Pinkie Pie, come here! Pinkie-who-talk-in-red, stop approaching him, you can’t hurt Discord physically! Fluttershy, go with Pinkie and stop listening him!
…! Aragón…
Tch.
Snif… O-our friends…
Of course. You’re a hero now, right, Aragón?
Don’t you dare to try it with me.
Eh?
I know your kind, Discord. You always know everything, right? You always are a step ahead everybody else. You’re always controlling people, just because you like it.
…
Are you… trying to lecture me?
I’m not trying to. I’m doing it.
You think you’re some kind of master mind? You think you can come here and scare the shit out of Fluttershy and Pinkie, or insult Pinkie-who-talks-in-red? Short answer: you can’t.
…
I see. You sure have changed, little author.
And you don’t know anything. Anything.
Sorry, but I have to disagree. I know everything about this world, stupid human. I created it.
No. You think you know everything, and that’s the reason why you’re a fool. Pinkie-que-habla-en-rojo, cuando cuente hasta tres, sal corriendo. Llévate a las otras dos a algún lugar seguro… la casa de la cebra servirá. Yo puedo retenerle.
…!
What…? What did you say?! What was that?! What language was?!
…Ah?
He… He talked in…
See? You don’t know anything, Discord.
You, the one I talked to. Understood?
…
Yes. But, are you sure…?
I am.
Oh, then that’s the way you’re acting now?! You want to lecture me, you act like a hero and you suddenly can talk in another language. Ok. I’m done with you. I wanted to play, but we’ll do this the hard way.
Ha! You know nothing! I can…!
Shut up.
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
Hello, boys.
Ah! Chrysalis!
No! Aragón, she’s right behind you! Look…!
What…? Both of them?
Gotcha.
*ZZAAAAAAP*
NOOOOOOOOOO!”
Aragón!”
AAAAAAAAH! NO! NOOOOOO!”
The three ponies couldn’t believe their eyes. They just couldn’t. Only Pinkamena was able to do something apart from screaming.
Chrysalis’ horn was still shining. The air had the smell of burned flesh. Discord, right beside her, was giggling.
Aragón was dead. His chest had a hole right in the middle.
Well, well… it seems like we’re done with this, Discord.
I’m afraid you’re right. I wanted to play with them, really… but the human was just too dangerous right now.
Don’t worry. We still have them. But mind you…
I want Pinkamena for myself.
Deal.
Pinkie didn’t hear anything. She just screamed.
Blood. Burned flesh. Aragón’s corpse.
That was all. She couldn’t see or feel anything else.
First (of Five)
The Void
The void is a huge and horrible place. There is no walls, there is no floor, there is no ground. Just… just a void.
Some people see it white, some people see it black. I’ve always saw it like an endless white space, where you float without control.
But of course, I have control here. I can do more than just move myself where I want; mine is the power to go out if that’s my will. But I’ll always be here, in the void. Because, in the end, it’s where I belong.
Now I’m not alone here. For today, there are four mares with me, but they don’t know.
They are separated, it seems. Yeah, I can see it now. I’m alone, kilometers away from them, but I can see them, if I want. They are not asleep nor awoken. They’re just… dead.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash are separated. Each one is a thousand kilometers away from the other. Rarity and Twilight, on the other hand, are together.
The reason is simple. Twilight and Rarity were killed at the same time in the same place. Rainbow Dash and Applejack weren’t so lucky.
To die with your heart broken is far worse than sacrifice yourself for the good of a loved one… even if that sacrifice was proven useless later. The pegasus is, without any doubt, the one who needs me more than any other.
But I can’t decide what I should do. Maybe Rainbow Dash needs her friends? Maybe I should go and talk to Applejack first, and then use her to help the pegasus…
…
No. No, that wouldn’t be fair. Rainbow Dash is stronger than that. I shake my head and smile. I know my eyes are shining with something that seems determination, or nervousness, or happiness.
I know Rainbow Dash, I think. She’s a brave mare, and she has one of the strongest minds I’ve ever seen. But lately, she’s been passing through a lot of things. A somewhat fake love which only brings pain and nothing more. Manipulation. Suffering. And worst of all, she’s been insulted again and again.
And at one point, she has started to believe those insults. She’s not fragile or stupid. And she needs to know that. If I use Applejack, or Twilight, or even Rarity to cheer her up, that would be cheating. That would be like admitting she’s weak. And she’s not.
She doesn’t need any help. She only needs me… but that’s because without me, nothing can happen.
Applejack is stronger. She only needs to see Dashie. She’s like a mother looking for her foal, so using the pegasus to cheer her up is not so bad. And, about Rarity and Twilight… they are only confused, I’m pretty sure.
So, I’m going with Rainbow Dash right now. She’s broken. And I’m very good at fixing things… you need to, if you broke everything you touch.
And I move my fingers, and I concentrate, and then…
WAIT!
No. No, this is wrong. I can’t do things this way. Dashie needs me, but Applejack doesn’t deserve such a misdemeanor. And the same goes with Rarity and Twilight.
I’m not used to the Void yet. Here, I have no rules. I can go with Dash first… or I can go with all of them at the same time.
They need privacy, and I don’t want them to wait for me.
I divide in three bodies.
And then, I’m gone. I’m going to save those brave ponies.
Second (of Five)
The Void
And my three bodies split up and each one recieves a name. The first one closes his eyes and seeks for a bright, blue point.
I'll name this body Ar. He'll be as inofensive as the gas it's named from.
The blue point is easy to find. Here at the void, everything else is white.
She's Rainbow Dash. She seems to be floating in midair, and her wings are closed. So are her eyes. She's looks¡ing down, or at least she 's looking at the direction she thinks it's down. But here at the void, things like those don't exist.
Rainbow Dash seems sad. So, so very sad. It seems like the world has fallen upon her shoulders. But she's not crying. She's not screaming. She's just there, her eyes closed, her legs lifeless. She could be dead and nopony would have noticed it.
Ar approaches her, bur before revealing himself, he changes his body. He was invisible until now.
Now he has the body of a green earth pony. He's wearing a top hat and a black tuxedo. His fur is green. His mane is white. A pair of glasses cover his nose. He seems like any other pony of Equestria.
And Rainbow Dash, her eyes still closed, notices him. But she doesn't say anything.
"Hello," says Ar. "Welcome to the Void."
The pegasus smiles, but her face is still sad. Er wings flap a little as the mare opens her eyes and looks Ar in the eyes. She seems to have been crying, but her face is dry now.
And she doesn't say anything.
"Can you hear me? Can you see me?" asks Ar. "I want to talk with you. My name is..."
"I don't care." The mare interrupts my first body. Her voice sounds sharp, as if she wanted to kill me. Or die. "I don't give a damn about who are you, or what are you, or what is this place. Go away. Now."
"I think you need to..."
"I don't need ANYTHING!" Suddenly, her voice changes. She's not only sharp, but dangerous, deep, desperate. Dreadful. She screams and raises a hoof. His gesture is clear: she wants to hit Ar. "I don't need anything, ok?! I just want to be alone! I'm dead right now, and I want to have some kind of peace at last! So go away right now!"
Ar doesn't move. He knows that, if Rainbow Dash hits him, he'll feel a lot of pain. I will feel a lot of pain. But he stays at the place. Because our pain doesn't matter.
Ar talks. "Death is not..."
He can't finish the phrase. Dash moves her hoof, and suddenly Ar is bleeding and his mouth is filled with blood and pain.
"I said GO AWAY!" Finally, she's broken. Her voice is not a voice anymore. She's just a wild animal screaming, crying, letting the rage go and take control of her. "The last thing I want now is another lecture, okay?! I've had ENOUGH!" She keeps hitting Ar. It hurts, but he doesn't do anything to defend himself.
"I've been insulted!"
Hit. More blood.
"Analyzed!"
Hit. Something cracks and breaks.
"Used!"
Hit. Dash's hooves can be soft, but now they're hard as rocks.
"I've realized I'm a coward!"
Hit. The pain can't be described.
"I've realized I'm a monster!"
Another hit. Another hit. Another hit. It hurts so much.
"And now I want TO BE ALONE, SO GO AWAY RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR I'LL...!"
"Have you ever heard about lawyers?"
The soft, calm voice of Ar interrupts Dash's screams. He's bleeding a lot. His right eye is closed and he has lost his vision with it. His nose is broken. His face is unrecognizable. But his glasses are fine, hs hat is still in top of his head, his tuxedo is now red and his voice is still as sot and calm as before.
Dash has stopped. The question has confused her. "What the hay are you talking about?" she asks, this time without screaming. She's despising Ar. Her voice is filled with contempt. "Now you're talking about lawponies? Do you think you can just talk to me when I...?"
"So you've heard about them", interrupts Ar once more. The pain doesn't matter. Dash is more important. "Lawyers are experts on pointing little things. But sometimes, they look too close, and overanalyze whatever they're studying."
"I swear, in Celestia's name, that if you're even TRYING to lecture me like the green one did, I'l...!"
"I'm not analyzing you." Ar smiles. His teeth are covered in blood. "I just want to talk. I'm not Greentalk. I don't want to harm you. I'm just another being like you. I've been defeated. I've been killed."
Ar's eyes shine for a moment. Those eyes are showing a sadness beyond the imagibable.
"I've been killed like you, and now I wander the Void."
The words seem to calm her down. The pegasus frowns and looks at Ar angrily. "What do you want?" she asks. "I don't need any company. I want to be alone."
"That's not true." Ar frowns and looks at the pegasus eye to eye. "You don't want to be alone. You never want to be alone."
"There's no way you can now that."
"Of course there is." Ar smiles. "I know everything here in the Void."
Dash seems angry for a moment, and then she calms. "I give up", she says. "I just can't take it anymore. Stay here, go away... do what you want."
Her expresion changes. Now she seems defeated. Her voice is not sad, it's just monotone. "I don't even care anymore," she says. "I... I don't care."
"That's true." Ar looks at her deeply. "You don't even care anymore."
Doubt. Ar actually does care for Dash. He could lie to her. He could do the same thing than Greentalk and analyze her, and lecture her, and make her happy. It would be easy.
But it would be wrong.
She doesn't need his pity, nor his compasion. She needs anything. But she has to understand it yet.
"You don't care becouse you lost." Ar clears the blood out of his face. Slowly, his wounds start to heal, but there's no sing of magic in the process. "You were defeated by Greentalk, and now you're so ashamed of yourself that you think nothing is important anymore."
Dash doesn't move. But her expresion is clear: my first body has hurt her. "...Exactly," she says.
"And the worst thing is that Greentalk defeated you just by talking." Ar keeps on saying those things. He keeps on hurting the pegasus. "Because you truly thought those things. You were in love with Applejack, but you only cared about yourself. You are a selfish, dumb mare."
Anger. There's a line that Ar can't cross, or Dash will attack him again. And he's stepping on that line. "You can stop now, thank you."
"You are saying that because you can't deny what I'm saying." Ar closes his eyes so the sight of Rainbow can't distract him. "Because you're still hurt about all of this. Because Greentalk just cleared the floor with you and you died."
Silence. Ar can't see Dash. He's waiting her to punch him, but the hit doesn't come.
Then, he smiles.
"You need to understand, Dash, that Greentalk overanalyzed you. He didn't lie, of course. His words were the absolute truth. But sometimes, the truth is just a small part of the reality."
"Now you're trying to comfort me?"
"No." Ar opens his eyes. Dash is in front of him, looking at him... with sadness all over her face. She's not angry. She can't be angry anymore.
Her eyes are the eyes of somepony who's dying on the inside. Her soul is bleeding.
But that doesn't matter.
"I'm not trying to comfort you. Because I actually care a lot about you." Ar frowns. "If I comfort you and you become a happy and determined mare again just because of my words, then I'll be no better than Greentalk.
Dash, I talked about lawyers before. I did it because I know them. I am a lawyer. A big part of my job is just talk to people and comfort them, or annoy them, or make them cry. And I do it just with the truth. Because the truth, Dash, is just a weapon. A very powerful weapon which can be used to hurt if you want it to."
Dash frowns and looks at Ar. "...Who are you?"
"Just a defeated pony that wanders the Void," Ar answers. "A defeated pony who knows why you're here.
Greentalk used the truth against you, because he's your enemy. I don't want to manipulate you, I don't want to became your puppeteer. You're not a puppet."
"Then, what?!" Rainbow laughs. It's not a happy laugh. "You're here just to tell me that I suck? Fine then! I don't...!"
"I'm a friend. I'm not saying..."
"No. No, you're not a friend." Dash shakes her head and looks at Ar with a snarky smile. She looks almost exactly like the Dash from the show. "You're not a friend, becuase you're doing what everypony is doing here."
Ar blinks. "I think I can't understand you."
"Talking!" The pegasus raises her voice and open her wings. "You're talking, and you're trying to be deep or something! Just like Greentalk did! Just like everypony is doing here!
And I'm tired of it! I don't want to hear stupid nosense again and again! The stupid author creates us, and suddenly everything is blahblahblah!"
Ar blinks again. "Well, if you let me explain myself..."
"AND WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?!" Shouts Rainbow. She still looks sad, but for the most part it seems like she's just annoyed. "Another long speech about levels, or love, or philosophy, or truth as a weapon?! And of course, I'm supposed to stay here and just listen to you until you magically change my mind with your stupid words! I'm tired of it!"
My first body smiles. This is what he was looking for, and he hasn't done anything. After all, he was right: Rainbow Dash didn't need his pity.
"You listened to Greentalk when he said you were weak and pathetic", Ar says, trying to hide his smile and look annoyed or angry. "And now that I try to help you without manipulating you..."
"Oh, please" sanrks Dashie. "Well, yeah, I listened to him. And guess what. IT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AT ALL! The last time somepony tried to lecture me it didn't end well, so now if you excuse me, I don't want any of this!"
"He said the truth."
"And you think I don't know that?!" The sadness returns. The pegasus is screaming, she's letting all the rage go out. She doesn't feel good, but she continues on. "Do you think I don't know that I'm weak?! Or pathetic?! Or that I was defeated and I'm a horrible friend?!" She grabs Ar's jacket and raises him, shouting directly at his face. "I can't udnerstand anything that's going on, and I feel horrible because the only thing that I can understand is that everything is fucked up just because of me not understanding anything!"
"So you don't like Greentalk or me lecturing you because you know we're telling you the truth?"
"And to top it all, you ALWAYS know what to say!" Dash drops Ar and raises her hooves to her head. "Do you know how annoying is that?! Stop being smart! Stop being better than me! STOP TALKING!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE YOUR WORDS ANNOY ME!"
"You have fire." Ar smiles, this time openly. His face seems to be completely healed now. "It seemed like you had lost it, but you still have your fire."
"And here we go again!" Dash sighs loudly. "Now you're going to talk about how awesome I am so I can be good ol'Dashie again?! Just DON'T! I don't want any kind of lecture!"
"I'm not lecturing you."
"Of COURSE you're lecturing me!" Rainbow says. "Because that's all you can do! You can't do anything but lecture ponies, or the world, or the universe, or reality! I know your kind!"
"Oh, you know my kind?" Ar frowns. "You don't know who I am!"
"WHO CARES! You're a pony I don't know who claims to be a lawyer and tries to talk a big speech at me! It's impossible for me not to know your kind! ONE OF THOSE STUPID 'I-KNOW-EVERYTHING' PONIES THAT SEEM TO BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS STORY!"
"Well, that's quite amazing." Ar nods and smiles again. "Knowing so much about the ponies by your side. But, do you know who you are?"
Silence. Dash is the same Dash from the show again, and she's trying to kill Ar with her eyes.
"See? Philosophy again. Who are you?" asks, imitating Ar voice. "I am who I am, and I'm sure you can describe me perfectly, but I don't want you doing that! I'm not a mare of words!"
"And what does that mean?"
"THAT I DON'T LIKE WORDS!"
"Do you mean that you don't like other ponies to talk to you and lecture you?" points Ar. "Or does that mean that you don't care about the words because you're more an 'action' mare?"
"BOTH!"
"Then, why are you so crushed by Greentalk's words?" Ar shakes his head and laughs. "Sure, he defeated you, and he said a lot of awful things you knew were true. But, who cares? You're still Rainbow Dash, and you can't change what do you feel or waht do you think. And it doesn't matter what does Greentalk think about you, because you hate him no matter what, right?"
Dash stays in silence and looks at Ar angrily. After a couple minutes, she sighs again. "And you've done it, of course. You just lectured me, but without me noticing it."
"Oh. Are you mad?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to hit me again?"
"No." She sighs again and puts a hoof on his face. "Also, sorry for that. I wasn't on my best before. I didn't want to punch you."
"And why aren't you punching me if you're so angry?"
"Because of course you are right, and of course you cheered me up with your lecture. I need to be myself, it doesn't matter what did Greentalk say, believe in your heart and blahblahblah. I get it. Now, take me to Greentalk and let's kick his ass."
Ar blinks, surprised. "What? Do you think I can lead you to...?"
"I'm in a white void that's called 'the Void' -how original, by the way -and suddenly an unknown pony who clames to know everything shows up and starts philosophizing." Dash rolls her eyes and smiles. "I've readen a couple of books, you know? I'm not such an idiot. It's obvious you can do that."
"Well, that kinda ruins the surprise."
"Who cares? Do it! I want to punch you, but I also want to punck Greentalk and I already hit you, so let's go and stop talking or I swear I'll dance on your face!"
Ar laughs. And then, he travels trough the Void and carries Dash with him.
And he finds the other bodies, and they reunite, and I have just one body once again.
And I return to my real form.
Third (of Five)
The Void
And my three bodies split up and each one recieves a name. The second one closes his eyes and seeks for a bright, orange point.
I'll name this body Ag. For I'll use the silver one to help the mare with a heart of gold.
The orange point is easy to find. Here at the void, everything else is white.
She's Applejack, and she's desperate, trying to find her lover and failing. She can't control her body here, in the Void. There is no floor, there are no walls, and a simple earth pony doesn't now how to use her legs to float in such a strange place.
She's not crying. Her eyes have a worried look. She's screaming the name of Rainbow Dash, and she seems terrified.
Ag approaches her, bur before revealing himself, he changes his body. He was invisible until now.
Now he has the body of a green earth pony. He's wearing a top hat and a black tuxedo. His fur is green. His mane is white. A pair of glasses cover his nose. He seems like any other pony of Equestria.
Applejack sees him inmediatly. For a second, her face glimmers with hope as she thinks Ag may be Rainbow Dash. But once she notices who's the one she's looking at, anger replaces hope.
"YOU!" the mare screams. She tries to approach Ag and hit him, but fails again. "YOU MONSTER! WHERE IS RAINBOW?! WE HAD A DEAL, YOU LIAR!"
"We hadn't," Ag says. "You're mistaken about my identity: I'm not Greentalk. I'm a friend."
The soft voice of my second body, completely different than Greentalk's, seems to calm AJ. The mare stops fighting against the Void and looks at Ag fiercely.
"Then who are you?!" she asks. "And where's Rainbow Dash?! Is she safe?!"
"Rainbow Dash is with Ar", Ag says. "And the name of this body is Ag. For the silver one shall talk with the mare with a heart of gold."
The farmer blinks. "What the...? Silver? What are you talking ab...?" Suddenly, she stops and shakes her head. "I don't have time for this! If you're not Greentalk and you know where's Rainbow, then...!"
"I'll take you with her", Ag says. He's saying the truth, after all, and Applejack really needs to hear that. "She's perfectly fine, and you will be together in a few minutes. I'm a friend of yours, Applejack, and I want no harm for you or your friends."
The change in the mare is obvious. Suddenly, her whole body is relaxed, her frown dissapears and her eyes seem to shine again. The news had relieved her.
But she doesn't trust Ag yet. "Then take me to her right now! And where in tarnation are we?"
"Don't worry. You'll be with her soon." Ag smiles. "But first, we need to talk. We're in the Void, Applejack. Here, I know everything. And now, you need my advice."
"And you are...?"
"Ag," repeats my second body. "That's the name of this body."
"Well, I don't know you. Why should I listen to you? I want to see Rainbow Dash!" The orange mare looks at my second body, doubting him. She can't trust anybody but her friends right now. She has been insulted, betrayed, lectured and manipulated by a monster. Ag just can't reach her heart, no matter what he does, no matter what he says. The only thing able to warm her is Dash.
And Ag can't let her see the pegasus, not until he says some things. Rainbow Dash needs the truth, she doesn't want pity, she doesn't deserve lies. But Applejack is not defeated. Maybe she has lost, but her heart is still complete. She needs the truth, but she needs it in a different way than Dashie.
Dash just needs to understand what happened, to understand she's still a the mare she was once. Applejack needs to change.
And my second body can change her.
"You can't see the pegasus," Ag says. The mare frowns and looks at him angrily, but my second body doesn't take back his words. "We need to talk first. If you go with her right now, Rainbow will end hurt again."
The fury in AJ's eyes can't be described by words. A few moments ago, Dash was hitting my first body with anger, and every hit had fire in it.
The mare in front of my second body doesn't have just a fire. She has an inferno.
The fire of love, the heat of a lover. Powerful things that can warm the heart or destroy the world, heal a wound or kill a man. Applejack's love is purer than a diamond, and Ag can end burned if he doesn't let the farm girl see her loved one.
"I swear that if you dare to even touch a single feather of that pegasus, I'll kill you." Her voice is low and sharp. She's serious. Her eyes are the eyes of someone who would harm for the sake of the ones she loves. "And it won't be nice. Take Dash as a hostage like Greentalk did, and you'll learn I'm not a pony you can play with the hard way."
Ag closes his eyes. He's afraid of Applejack, but he doesn't step back. "I'm not menacing her," he says. "I'm not the one who'll hurt her. It will be you."
Silence covers the Void as the mare hears Ag's words. She looks at my second body's eyes, and sees nothing but truth in them.
She shakes her head one more time. "That's not true! I will never harm her!"
"You'll do it. And then you'll harm yourself, and your friends too." Ag frowns. "But you will not do it with your hooves. You'll hur them..." slowly, my second body points at Applejack's chest "...with this."
"My... chest?"
"Your heart."
It's time for the orange mare to frown now. It's clear that she would like to hit the ground with a hoof, but here at the Void there is no ground. She just waves her leg. "Now that was just stupid!" she says. "Excuse me, but my heart is none of your business! So stop with the...!"
"I'm serious." Ag interrupts Applejack, his voice sounding a bit angry for the first time. "You were defeated because of your heart. The same happened to Rainbow Dash. You two will hurt each other time and time again unless you listen to me now."
The orange mare laughs and shakes her head again, trying to seem funny. It's clear that she's annoyed. "Excuse me, but as I said...!"
"You love Rainbow Dash."
She stops and looks at Ag with a frown. "I love each one of my friends."
"But right now, your love for Rainbow Dash is deeper. Right?"
Silence again. AJ doesn't seem pleased by Ag's words. The mare has a wound in her mind, and my second body has put a finger on it.
His words aren't the most elegant ones, but they're pragmatic. Seeing the way the farmgirl reacts, Ag sighs and touches her face with his hoof.
Applejack pushes it away.
My second body closes his eyes and takes off his top hat. "Applejack, I know this is not a normal issue. Love is..." he doubts, trying to find the correct word, "...complicated. And you've been hurt. Not by Rainbow Dash, but by Greentalk.
I know what he did. He lectured you. He said horrible things. He said the truth." Ag frowns. "And it was terrible. He used your feelings against you. He destroyed the door you had built around your heart and forced himself in... He violated your privacy."
Applejack's eyes are dry. She's not crying. But she doesn't seem to like what she's hearing. A weird mix of sadness and anger are covering her face.
"I don't want to destroy that door." Ag smiles and looks AJ eye to eye. "I want you to open it for me, so I can enter, and heal the wounds Greentalk did there."
"You're asking me to... be vulnerable." The mare doesn't look at Ag's eyes. "Yo're asking me to let you know... things... that nopony know. How do you want me to do so? I barely know you!"
"Because I'm honest." My second body doesn't smile. He's as serious as AJ was when she menaced him before. "And you, especially you, should know that a honest pony's word is more valuable than anything in this world. Look me in the eyes, Applejack, and you'll see I'm not lying."
She gulps and finally looks Ag eye to eye. She loses herself into his green eyes. And finally, she laughs.
"You're right. You have honest eyes," the mare says. "But... I'm..."
"You're in love. And you're scared."
"No." Applejack shakes her head and frowns. Her eyes are determined this time. "I can't lie and say that I'm not in love. You already know that. But as Celestia as my witness, I swear I'm not afraid of it."
"What?" Ag raises an eyebrow and moves around AJ, forcing the mare to turn to the right. "But... you're denying it! It's obvious you're scared!"
"I said I'm not afraid of..." she cringes a little before saying the world. "Of being in live with her. I'm scared, yes... but I'm scared of something completely different."
Ag smiles. I already know that. Because here, at the Void, I know everything. But Applejack must see it on her own. "Which is..."
"What if...? What if Greentalk is right?" The mare is trembling and looking at her own hooves. "I'm fake after all. I was created by an author. What if I don't love her? What if I'm being manipulated by an author and I hurt her? What if this is just a huge lie? What if one day I break free and realize I never loved her? What if...?" Her eyes shine with tears. Now its the mare's turn to put off her hat and hug it. "What if she hates me?!"
She has opened her heart, I can see it now. Applejack is trembling like a newborn in winter, tears running down her face. She's embracing herself, trying to look less vulnreable.
I can see the pain in her. I can feel it. And in this moment, I hate Greentalk. I hate him so, so much. And I hate myself too, and I hate this story. Because I really care for the ponies, and they are only suffering more and more.
I want to hug Applejack, I want to comfort her and lie to her. But I can't. I'll use the truth, and only the truth. So Ag doesn't move. He stays still.
"You are fake." My second body puts on his hat once again. "You're afraid that your feelings are fake too?"
"N-not exactly." She gulps one more time. "I... I think I love her. But I started loving her the moment Aragón wrote me kissing her! What if the true Applejack doesn't love Dash, and everything is just a misunderstanding, and...?! What if Greentalk is right?!" She repeats.
Ag touches AJ's face once again, and this time the mare doesn't push his hoof away. Instead, she covers it with her own.
"Greentalk was... right, from a certain point of view." AJ weeps at this, but my second body doesn't stop. "But only from a certain point of view. As you said... your love is fake. The true Applejack is not in love with the true Rainbow Dash."
The anger is completely gone. Now, the orange mare is crying, and she's not trying to hide it.
Ag shivers, seeing the sadness of his partner. "You need to understand it, sugarcube," he says reluctantly. "Greentalk used this to hurt you, and you need to understand that it's true, so you'll never be hurt again."
"Then... then it's all over." The mare tries to smile underneath the tears. "I can't love her, because..."
"You can love her." The green stallion interrupts Applejack with a sharp voice. "You can do it, and she can love you too. You don't need to be unhappy just because you're fake."
"But how?!" The mare pushes away Ag's hoof and looks at his eyes, hurt. "I'm the damned Element of Honesty! I can't lie to myself, I can't lie to Dash like that! It's not okay!"
"But you won't be lying yourself, nor Dash!" Ag screams, his patiente gone. "There is no lie in this, Applejack, unless you want to see it that way!"
"There is no other way to see it!"
"Of course it is!" Ag growls and starts floating around, angered. "Can't you understand it? The love can be fake, but that doesn't mean that it's a lie!"
"You're just saying...!"
"I'm saying the truth! And you don't want to see it because you're afraid!" My second body stops and breaths deeply, trying to calm himself. "You were created," he says. "You are artificial, you're NOT the real Applejack. Who cares what does the real Applejack feel!"
"I care!" Applejack is furious now as well as sad. "Because that's all I am!"
"But you're not! You already say it, you're a copy! You can be whatever you want! There is a real Applejack already, the world doesn't need another one!"
"BUT I NEED IT!" The orange mare screams. "I am what I am, and you can't change it! And I don't want it to change! I'm Applejack, no matter if I was created or if I was born the usual way! I won't neglect my nature just because that way I can have a happy-fancy-frufru-cuddling live with Rainbow!"
Ag frowns. "You said it then! You are who you are, and you can't change it! And you were created with your love for Rainbow Dash!"
"That's just messing with..."
"I'm not messing with anything." Ag, completely calmed now, puts off his glasses and cleans them with his tuxedo. "Look, here in the Void I know everything. I know you won't love Rainbow Dash if you were the real Applejack. I also know that, as you are not the real Applejack, you do love Rainbow Dash.
Maybe Greentalk was right. Maybe if you confess your feelings to her and you two end like a couple you both will be lying to each other. Because technically, your love is fake. And it's, subsequently, a lie."
My second body finishes his cleaning and puts his glasses on one more time. "But ask yourself, Applejack... If you deny your love, then won't be you lying to yourself too?"
"No." The orange mare shakes her head, her sadness only smaller than her determination. "I'm not living a lie, no matter how painful it is."
"You'll be causing pain to Rainbow Dash too," says Ag. "You know that?"
AJ seems to boggle a little. "That's... unfair. You're not playing by the rules."
"There are no rules in war or love," answers Ag. "And no, I'm not playing fair. And you know what? This time, I'll be worse than Greentalk. I'm not only going to manipulate you. I'm going to make you manipulate yourself."
"That doesn't make any sens...!"
"You feel a warm in your chest when you see Rainbow Dash laugh!" screams Ag, ignoring the cowgirl. "You feel hapiness when she's happy! You care about her!"
"I don't...!"
"You love her and you know it, Applejack!" Ag smiles fiercely and looks the mare eye to eye, one more time, one last time. "And can you feel it's fake? Can you feel all the overhelming warm, all the sugar in your veins, all the red in your face and the beating of your heart and call it fake? Can you think about the light Rainbow shines with when she smiles and call it fake? Can you pay attention to the sappiness your own mind thinks about when you see your loved one, can you meditate about the incredible luck you've got at falling in love with such an incredible mare and call all of it fake?!"
Applejack shakes her head. "I-I can't...! Don't do this...!"
"Is that love you feel as strong as a real one? Is that love as deep as a real one? Is that love as dangerous, as painful, as unpredictable, stupid and irrational as a real love?!"
"I-I don't know!"
"BUT I DO!" Ag smiles and laughs, as if he just had won a battle. "I do because here at the Void, I know everything! And tell me, Applejack... If your fake love is as strong, deep, dangerous, painful, unpredictable, stupid and irrational as a real love, then is it fake anymore?!"
The mare screams. "I don't know, ok?! I'M AFRAID! WHAT IF...?!"
"And what if not?!" Ag puts his hooves on AJ's shoulders. "What if not, Applejack?! That's everything love is about! You feel it, she feels it, and it's pure and magical! You were born with it, so who cares if Greentalk thinks it's fake! Who cares if your friends, or the author, or even the readers think it's fake?! You know that, at least for you, is real!"
AJ screams one more time. She shakes her head, she moves her hooves and tries to run away, but he's unable to do anything, and finally, after a while, she calms down.
Breathing heavily, she looks at Ag, tears down her face again. "I... I can't lie to Dash... Even if I think it's right, even if I..."
Ag laughs and hugs her. "It's Rainbow Dash we're talking about. You know she won't mind about all this metaphysical stuff. She's a simple one."
They both chuckle.
"In fact, maybe being simple is easier," says my second body. "You love her, she loves you... screw all this metaphysical stuff and be happy together. Am I right?"
Applejack puts Ag away and sighs. "...Maybe", she says. "But... You know I'm not confessing my feelings to Rainbow Dash, right?"
Ag nods. "I know. Here at the Void, I know everything. But now, you know things you didn't know before."
"You didn't teach me anything."
"But I made you think about your feelings." Ag smiles. "And now you know what to think about your situation. You can explain it to Dash, and... you two can decide what to do." My second body shrugs. "I'm not going to lie, I would love to see you two together. I think your love is real, and you know your love is real. But it's your decision after all."
"What?" The mare frowns and loosk at my second body with a raised eyebrow. "Then why did you give all this fancy speech about love and...?"
"Because now, Greentalk can't use your feelings against you. Nobody can. Because now you won't hurt Dashie when you meet and you'll know what to do.
And, I'm not gonna lie to you, AJ. I'm a shipper, and AppleDash is my OTP."
Before Applejack can say anything, Ag travels trough the Void and carries the mare with him.
And he finds the other bodies, and they reunite, and I have just one body once again.
And I return to my real form.
Fourth (of five)
The Void
And my three bodies split up and each one recieves a name. The last one closes his eyes and looks for a purple point.
I'll name this body On. For he'll start everything.
The purple point is easy to find. Here at the void, everything else is white. But the purple point has something black on it, and right netxt to it, there's a white mare. She's a little harder to find.
They are Twilight and Rarity. They are floating in midair, unconscious. And Twilight is dressed as a french housemaid from the nineteen century.
They were killed in a different way than Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Greentalk just appeared and attacked them, without taking time to play with the unicorns.
They were lucky. Their death was not pretty, but at least it was painless.
On approaches them, but before revealing himself, he changes his body. He was invisible until now.
Now he has the body of a green earth pony. He's wearing a top hat and a black tuxedo. His fur is green. His mane is white. A pair of glasses cover his nose. He seems like any other pony of Equestria.
On pokes Twilight with his hoof. The mare doesn't seem to notice at first, so he pokes her again. And again.
And again, and again, and again and again.
And finally, after a few seconds, she's groaning and opens her eyes.
She shakes her head and tries to clear her mind. On ignores her and starts poking Rarity, waking her up too. The fashionista wakes up faster.
"Wha... Where... are we?" Twilight asks with a strange voice. She talks very slowly... It seems like she's still sleepy. "What happened? Who are you?"
"Hnnng..." Rarity opens her eyes and looks at On with a confused look. "What... was that...? Oh, nice hat."
"Thanks," answers On.
"And nice dress, Twilight. Black goes a lot with your color."
"Eh... what are you talk...?" The purple unicorn blinks and looks at her chest.
The silence covers the Void.
"What. I'm dressing like a -what."
Her voice sounds flat. She's not surprised, she's just starled. She's still too weakened to think correctly. There's a lack of question marks in that phrase.
On turns to Twilight Sparkle. "Are you okay? You're awake?"
"Well... yes, I think." The purple mare scratches her head. "My eyes hurt a lot, I'm dressed as some kind of servant and... wait a minute, are we floating?"
"Yes."
"Oh dear. Why are we floating?"
"I think we should ask where are we, Twilight." Rarity blinks twice and yawns. She scratchs her eyes, trying to stop feeling sleepy. "We... were just in front of my house a few minutes ago, and now everything I can see is white. I think it's a lovely color, but..." she rolles her eyes. "Who decorated this place?"
"This is the Void. Nobody decorated this." On looks around, at the endless whiteness of the Void. "Here at the Void nothing exist, but everything can be. A pony brain can't understand the nothingness, so you see everything white. It's the most simple color."
Twilight tries to approach On, but she doesn't know how to in the Void. She seems upset abour her dress, but doesn't say anything about it. "Do you mean that this is something like an... endless, void space?"
"It's called the Void for something", answers On.
"But if there's nothing here, how can we breathe?"
"Twilight, my dear, I think you left out a few things in your interrogatory." Rarity clears her troath and looks at my third body eye to eye. "Darling, mind you tell us what has happened? And, well, what is happening? And who are you?"
"Oh, right." Twilight blushes a little and then looks at On too. Her face is now completely serious. "Who are you?"
"The name of this body is On," answers him. "I'm somebody that wanders the Void, somebody who was defeated." My third body closes his eyes and sighs. "I'm a friend."
"And your eyes are green." Twilight frowns. It's easy to see that suddenly her mind is filled with suspicion. Her horn starts to glow in a menacing way. "Just like Discord when he shapeshifted into Spike..."
Rarity opens her mouth, but On interrupts her before she starts talking. "Rarity," he says, "look into my eyes. Are they the same color than Greentalk's? Aren't they a little darker?"
The fashionista blinks and turns to Twilight. "Twilight! This gentlecolt is not Discord! I'm sure he would not be able to dress like that!" She fakes a shiver. "Do you remember how did he transform Ponyville? That monster doesn't have any fashion sense!"
"Thanks for the compliment." On bows and takes off his hat. "As she says, Twilight, I'm not Greentalk. Although I can shapeshift, I'm just a friend of yours, who can and will help you."
Twilight sighs and looks around her. "Well... I guess you are not Greentalk, if Rarity says so. Your eyes are not the same color as Spike's, that's all I can see." The unicorn then looks at On. "You said you want to help us?"
"I'm helping you." On nods, and his eyebrows frown a little. "Right now, I'm talking with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and I'm comforting them."
"Rainbow Dash and AJ?"
"Oh my goodness! Are they here too?!" Rarity raises a hoof and covers her mouth. "And the others? Pinkie, Fluttershy...?"
"They are not in the Void." On shakes his head and closes his eyes. "Only the defeated go here."
"You're talking a lot about defeated ponies." Twilight's voice warms up as her face starts to show some kind of concern. "What is this place? And what do you mean by...?"
"Everything will be told soon," On interrupts. "But before that, we need to talk. You two are not in your best condition right now, but you need to wake up and think. This is important. The rules of this world..."
"Excuse me." Rarity interrupts the green stallion with her high-pitched voice. "I think I'm correct when I assume this is some kinf of strange space where time doesn't run as normal. Right?"
Both Twilight and my third body blink, surprised by the fashionista. The purple mare smiles. "That is a good question!" she says. "And there's more. Giving the fact that we're in a story this place doesn't seem so strange, because voids like this are common in fiction. It seems like it's some kind of limbo, where gravity doesn't exist, right?. Judging by the lack of wind when I move I can guess there's no air, so this is technically a true Void? But our manes and tails and my, er, dress, don't float like they should in a 'gravity-less' environment. Does that mean that there's no inertia in this space? Because that would mean that we're out of our universe because the Laws of Physis are, well, universal, and that would mean that our space time is not the same than the 'normal' universe! If that's true, our timeline is entirelly different than the timeline of the world we live in... But then again, if the Laws of Physis are different in this alternate dimension, maybe the four dimensions (high, width, depth and time) are not the same. Are we in a four-dimensional space, a three-dimensional space or a two-dimensional space? I can guess we're not in a one-dimensional space because..."
On interrupts the endless speech of Twilight and turns to Rarity. "Yes, you're right," he answers. Then he turns to the purple mare again. "Yes. No. Yes. The Laws of Physis are different. Yes, the timeline is different. N-dimensional space, being N any real number. It can vary from one moment to another. Right now this is merely a three-dimensional space, but I can move in infinite dimensions." He rises an eyebrow. "And now that you know all this, a bunch of information you didn't need, may I continue?"
"But this is so fascinating!" Twilight Sparkle seems as happy as a baby with a new toy. "We're in a multi-dimensional space with variable dimensions? I didn't think such a thing could exist! No wonder this is a void, no physical idea or object could exist in a place like this without breaking apart in thousands of dimensional fragments! Which lead us to the question of how are we alive. If there's indeed no air..."
"Twilight, please." Rarity glares at her friend and makes her close her mouth. "I'm as interested as you in tha-well, no, I'm not going to lie: I can hardly understand anything you're saying, but that doesn't matter. If time doesn't runs as before, we have all the time we want, right?" She looks at On. "We can, as the less educated ponies say, take our time and do things slow?"
On sighs. Those two mares are more complicated than AJ or Dash. I can't just manipulate them, beacuse each one interfieres with the other. "I guess we can take our time, yes, but I really want to do this as quick as possible. You see, the situation is..."
"Then act as a gentlecolt and please explain us how did we got in here." Rarity smiles and blinks in a natty way. "Because you're a gentlecolt, right?"
"I second that!" Twilight rises a hoof and smiles. "The 'tell us about what happened' thing, not the 'gentlecolt' thing." She stays in silence for a moment. "Oh, no, I didn't mean you weren't a gentlecolt! I, um, I just..."
On rolles his eyes and interrupts the purple unicorn. "You are in the Void because, in-story, you were killed. So was I. And so were Applejack and Rainbow Dash."
That closes their mouth. The two mares look at my third body with a mix of surprise, worry and fear.
"Fluttershy and the others are still alive, at least canonically." On is still talking. "That's the reason why they aren't here at the Void.
You were right in front of Carousel Boutique, right?" My third body closes his eyes and remembers. "You were there, and then a strange creature appeared. You were starled by it, and..."
"And then, a ray of light." Twilight's eyes are open whide. She's frowning and looking at her hooves. "I can remember it now. We were screaming, and this dress appeared, and..."
"Green light." Rarity has tears running down her cheeks. On realizes she's thinking about her life, about what she's lost. Sweetie Belle. Her parents. Her friends. Her whole family. "A green ray of light. Emerald green. Like..."
"Like Greentalk's eyes," On says. "Everything about Greentalk is made of that color." He's frowning. His words are filled with hate. "He... she... Them. Their words are green, Chrysalis' eyes and magic is green, and Discord uses the color to hide himself."
"Greentalk... is two people?" Twilight looks at On. "Chrysalis and Discord? But how...?"
"The talk exactly the same way." On smiles. "Clever, right? Chrysalis can shapeshift and Discord is able to change his body too. The changeling queen impersonates the characters, and the draconeequs helps her, invisible, using his magic to fool everybody and make you think Greentalk is omnipotent." His smile dissapears. "And sadly, that's almost true now. Discord and Chrysalis hardly ever split, but when they do, they have a plan.
They split you at the hospital, remember?"
Rarity looks at On too. The tears are gone. She seems determined. On thinks the two unicorns may know now that they're not completely dead yet, and she wants to know.
Their eyes are enough for On to know he should keep talking.
"The timeline was crushed then. I... don't know why," says my third body. "You were separated in teams of two. But that wasn't Greentalk's plan. They wanted you to be alone, but your... nature interfered with Discord's spell.
Pinkie Pie and Aragón. Fluttershy and the other Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash and Applejack. And you two."
"What... do you mean with 'nature'?", asks Rarity. "We are unicorns, but the others..."
"It's complicated," answers On. "And I'm afraid I can't tell you. I know everything, here at the Void..." He stops for a moment. "Well, almost everything. There's a few things I can't understand because of my own nature. But I can guess the truth." My third body looks at the unicorns. "You should do the same."
"So... you can't tell us about the 'nature' thing?"
"No." On closes his eyes again. "The timeline was broken, as I said. You couldn't notice, of course. The story stopped being chronologically organized, but you, as characters, saw everything as normal as before. But the readers and Greentalk, who could see the story as a whole, saw a number of little fragments, each one about a different team of characters."
"The readers read about us in anachronistic order?" Twilight frowns and Rarity looks at her. "But that..."
"That allowed Discord and Chrysalis to be in two places at the same time." On opens his eyes. "Can't you see why, Twilight? Applejack and Rainbow Dash landed together in the Everfree forest, but Discord wanted to talk with them privately. He then used each one's conversation to fool the other and... kill them."
They gulp.
"Can you guess how?"
"I..." Twilight shakes her head. "I... I think I can, but..."
"Magic?" asks Rarity. "Maybe Discord teleported, and..."
"No." The purple unicorn frowns. "I'm sure it's not so simple. They used some kind of... trick. The rules of this world. But..."
"Ah!" Rarity turns to On. "The rearers! The readers thought the events were in chronological order, right? That... means something!"
On nods. "Exactly."
"The readers... the readers..." Twilight scratchs her head before smiling and looking at Rarity. "Of course! The readers thought that, so it was true until Discord wanted to show the truth! So... he used each one's conversation to...?"
"He talked to Rainbow and forced her to cry, for example." My second body looks aside, trying to avoid talking about AJ and Rainbow's defeat. "And then he used the... information he had got to harass Applejack. For the readers, the two conversations were exactly at the same time, so it made sense. It seemed logical for Discord to have that knowledge. But then, when he finally defeated Dash, he revealed that everything had happened a couple hours ago, thus defeating Applejack."
"It seems... complicated."
"It is." On nods. "I'm telling you this because it is very complicated, girls. You need to understand that, in this world, knowing the rules and being in a high level is far more useful than magic or the Elements of Harmony. Greentalk knows that. Greentalk uses that." My third body grins. "And you need to do the same."
"So we can turn back." Rarity talks with relief. "The way you said that... we can go back, right?! We're not dead! I can go back to Sweetie Belle, and...!"
"Discord killed you." On interrupts the mare. "Or maybe Chrysalis. I'm not really sure. Greentalk killed you, though. That's undeniable."
"But..." Twilight smiles. "That's not everything, right? This place..." She points at the non-existent floor, the non-existent walls, the non-existent ceiling. "The Void... It's the place where the ones who died in-story go. But we still exist, and this is part of the story!"
My second body smiles. "Of course. Both of you read books. What happens when a loveable character dies?"
"You remember him." Surprisingly, it's Rarity who answers, not Twilight. "When I read the first novel I not only liked, but loved, I cried for a week when the protagonist died," she explains. "I was just a filly back then, and my mother said... She said that Kam Ina was still alive, because he lived in my heart." She giggles. "She sad the same when my goldfish died and I thought it was a lie, but when talking about Kam Ina..." She shrugs. "I could always re-read the part where he was alive and using his giant robot to fight the evil empire, so he didn't seem so dead after all."
"I want to read that book," mutters On. "But you're right, of course. If you are remembered, then you can go back. It's not that hard for an author to resurrect a character after all. Even if he has to use a Deux ex Machina."
Twilight grins... and then frowns. "But Discord and Chrysalis... Greentalk may know about this. Maybe they have a plan, and..."
"It's possible." My third body nods. "But right now, your friends are in danger. You and Rarity were dangerous to them, so Discord killed you without any kind of game. Now Fluttershy and the others are the same. They need help, and they need it now."
Silence. The two mares are thinking about On's words, concentrated on the strange rules of this world.
"Applejack and Rainbow..." Twilight looks at the green stallion's eyes. "How did they...?"
"They weren't as dangerous, and Chrysalis needed food." On bits his lip. "Discord talked with Rainbow and fed the changeling, and then she went with the other Pinkie and Fluttershy. Discord went with Applejack and defeated her too." My third body sighs. "They fooled the reader, and thus the entire story, to think there were only one of them to talk with Rainbow. And at the same time, because the timeline was broken, Chrysalis was able to talk with Pinkie and Fluttershy and Discord with Applejack. Because for them everything was lineal, and for the readers too. But the two lines weren't the same."
"So... the two lines crossed?"
"They fused. The two lines became one and three at the same time." My third body laughs, but he doesn't feel any happiness. "I told you it was complicated."
"I can understand it, I think..."
"I can't." Rarity sighs. "But there's one thing... you said they used Rainbow's love. What kind of love...?"
"I'm afraid I can't answer that question." On shakes his head. "I can't tell you some things because the story needs to be interesting, but this is not one of them. I just want to... respect their privacy." The stallion smiles. "They will tell you if they want. But first, they need to talk with each other. I can't..."
"Darling, you don't need to worry." Rarity smiles and puts one hoof on On's shoulder. "We understand. You have a kind heart."
My third body can't do anything but laugh at that comment. If Rarity knew...
The two mares look at him, confused. "Eh... are you okay?" asks Twilight. "On?"
My third body nods, still grining. "Yes, yes, of course...
But we've been talking too much time, girls. It's time for you to reunite with your friends. But before that...
I need to tell you something." On's face turns serious one more time. "And we need to hurry, so don't interrupt me."
"You..."
"First of all," says my third body, "you shouldn't ask AJ or Dash anything. They'll told you when they want to. Second, you are far more important than you think. Every single character is necessary to the story. You can defeat Greentalk.
Third: Twilight, you and the other Pinkie are the most intelligent ones. Use your brains. Think, plan, use the readers. Your friends can help you, but sometimes they have to be fooled. Every single detail of what has happened is very, very important. Think.
Fourth, the readers are important. Very important. You know why. They can also interact with the story, but their help can be... not very helpful sometimes.
Fifth..." On smiles. "The author is not so bad. There are hints that can show you what to do, what to expect. Think about the whole story. The tags are very important.
And the last thing..."
My third body aproaches the two mares and grabs them.
"Don't move. We're going with your friends."
And before they can say anything, On travels trough the Void and carries the unicorns with him.
And he finds the other bodies, and they reunite, and I have just one body once again.
And I return to my real form.
Last (of Five)
The Void
And my three bodies reunite, and I return to my real form.
And the hooves become hands, the fur becomes clothes, the muzzle becomes mouth. The tail dissapears and now I only have two legs.
The four mares are reunited once again. I can hear them calling each other's names, cheering, smiling, laughing. But I can't see them, for I am still changing.
And when the transformation ends, the little ponies look at me once again and their faces are filled with surprise.
Ar. Ag. On. I can stop faking my identity. For now they know the truth.
"...Aragón? You were...?"
"It was me the whole time," I answer. Then I smile. They seem to be happy to be together.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack are hugging, too relieved to see each other to care about their sentimental issue. I avoid looking at them directly. I want to give them some privacy.
"Oh my," says Rarity, her left eye twitching. She doesn't seem pleased to see me. "You? I called you a true gentlecolt?!"
"I was lectured by a retarded author." Dash hits her face with a hoof without breaking AJ's hug. "Come on! I can't believe it! What the hell are you doing here?!"
"I was defeated," I say. "Same as you."
And then the Void is in silence. Rainbow frowns and mutters something, not knowing what to think or what to do. Twilight puts on a worried look. Rarity bits her lip and looks at her friends, trying to guess what to do.
My smile goes away. I knew they hate me. Here I know everything. I insulted Celestia. I tried to kill Sweetie Belle. I played with AJ and Rainbow Dash's feelings. I brought them nothing but pain.
I knew they hate me.
But that doesn't mean that it hurts less.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I didn't act as I should have to, but I was stupid back then. That doesn't mean anything. They won't forgive me.
I look down. This is the reason why I hided my identity when I wanted to heal them. I knew they wouldn't have listened to me. "I..."
"I'm sorry. At least, it seems you're okay now." Applejack's voice interrupts me. I frown and look up, and I see the farmer's face.
She's smiling at me. She's feeling sad? She shouldn't.
There's no time for this.
This is not my story. This is their story. They're the heroes, and they're the ones who shall return to their friend's side and help them.
"I'm okay," I answer, looking at those beautiful green eyes. "Thanks for the feeling. But I'm not important right now." I cross my arms and my legs, acting as if I could sit down in the Void, where everything is just an empty space. "I'm being frantic: your friends are in danger."
Their reaction is the same I thought they would have. Some of them gasp, Rarity screams a little, some of them frown and all of them are worried.
"What do you mean?!" Twilight tries to approach me, once again without success. "Is Greentalk...?!"
"Yes." I nod and sigh. "Greentalk killed me. I don't know if the one who zapped me was Chrysalis or Discord. Maybe both of them did it. Unless they tell the readers, there's no way to know. And I was with Fluttershy, Pinkie and Pinkamena at the time they appeared."
"Pinkamena." Dash raises an eyebrow. "Do you mean the Pinkie who didn't talk in pink? The assassin?"
"Exactly." I turn around. Now I'm not facing the ponies, and I find easier to talk. "Pinkamena is an alternative incarnation of Pinkie. She thinks she's some kind of... clone, who was created when her alter ego looked at a picture of a grimdark Pinkie with a knife. She's one of u -One of the heroes too." I gulp. "They're in danger. Greentalk is right in front of them, and they want to kill..."
"Then why are we talking?!" Dash's voice comes out. "Send us to them already, you idiot!"
"We have all the time we want." Rarity answers the pegasus. "Here time doesn't run at the same speed than outside, he told us before."
"Oh, of course. He told you," snarks the rainbow maned mare. "And we all know we can trust him, right?"
"I know everything about this world." I smile at the pegasus' rant. Facing them once again, I point at the unicorns with my head. "And it makes sense. Right, Twilight? Rarity?"
"Eh..."
"Well, if this is an alternative dimension with multiple..."
"No, no." I shake my head. "Don't you get it? A character never dies unless the reader forgets it, right? And the first reader, and the most important one, is always..."
"...the editor?" asks Applejack.
"The author", says Twilight. "And... If you are here, and you know everything here at the Void, then... this is your...?"
"This is my mind," I answer.
Silence. Twilight frowns and looks at me. Rainbow Dash looks at Rarity and both of them shrug, giving up and not trying to guess anything more. Applejack puts a weird face and mutters something that I can't hear.
I sigh. Now it's the time for exposition.
So I start to talk.
"There's no way we can be sure about the real number of authors this story has. I'm the lowest one, and then there's Spike, and then there's at least one more. In fact, there's the posibility that Greentalk is another author and everything is happening in their sick mind.
But, as I said, we can be sure that I'm an author. That means that I can create, I can write, I can manipulate. My power is not enough to fix everything. But you're still my creations."
"You created us when you started to write," says Twilight. "That's the reason why we're here? In... your mind? But why is your mind the Void? How can you shapesift and...?"
"I created Applejack and Rainbow Dash first," I interrupt. "And then you, Twilight, and the last one was Rarity. I can't control you. Hell, you hit me and sent me to the hospital, so that point is obvious. You're at least in the same level of the cake than me. You may even be higher -the purple talking, remember?
But even without power, I still can decide when you live and when you die. You are my daughters. Greentalk can attack you, but I can send you back in the story as many times as I want."
"Ssooo..." Rainbow raises an eyebrow. "We're kind of inmortal?"
"As long as I'm still here, yes. You are." I smile. "An author can resuscitate his characters, right? It may be a horrible way to write a story, but I'm not a good writer, so it doesn't matter."
"Hold on a minute." Twilight raises a hoof, interrupting me. "This doesn't make sense. If this is your mind, I guess it makes sense we're here, because we're your creations. We're always in your mind, and you're an author an... Well, everything you said. But if you were defeated, and you're a character too, why are you here? Shouldn't you be in your own author's mind?"
"True." I nod. "But think a minute. If I'm your author and I have an author, my author is yours as well. He created you creating me before." I sigh. "You can say that this is my mind and his as well. My mind is inside his mind... Well, okay, let me start again."
"I told you," muttersh Dash, "it's impossible for him to give a correct explanation. He's too retarded for that."
I roll my eyes. "No, Dash, it's not like I can't explain this. It's just that I didn't start where I should have started." I clear my throat. "The space where you are is my mind, because you are my creations. You were born in my mind, and you go to my mind when you die. That's easy to understand, right?"
"Got it."
"Easy as pie."
"That's the same thing you explained before..."
"Why are we listening to him again? OUR FRIENDS ARE IN DANGER!"
"You'll be with them as soon as possible," I say, "but first listen to me. You are in my mind because you're my creations. And the same explanations goes for me: I'm just a character and I'm in my author's mind."
"But you're with us. We're all in the Void," says Twilight.
"Yes, because my mind is my author's mind too. And his mind is the Void. So you're inside my mind, and as I'm in the Void, you're here too."
Applejack sighs. "We got it, sugarcube. You should have started with this."
"Well, now it's easy to say that."
"That would explain the multiple dimensions of the Void," says Twilight. "This is a mix of minds that overlap, so there's a lot of... stuff."
Rarity looks at her. "Stuff? That's it? You were amazed about all those things a couple minutes ago and now all you can say is that "there's some stuff"?"
"Please, Twilight, don't answer that." Rainbow Dash smirks. I notice for the first time that she and AJ are not hugging anymore. When did that happen? "For once, I would like to hear an explanation that I understand, thanks."
"Oh. Sorry, Rainbow."
"The thing is..." I interrupt the mares once more, trying to finish this conversation. "The thing is that here I have no limits with you. In the Void I know everything, for I'm in the mind of the author... and I can do a lot of things, like sending you to the story again."
"You're powerful here because yes. Okay." Rainbow nods. "Girls, let's go. Author, do your job and..."
"Wait a moment." Rarity frowns. "Excuse me if I'm wrong, but... you can send us back to the story because you're our author?"
"I think I've said that like twenty-nine times, yes."
"Then what about you? You can go again to the story because you're your own author or...?"
I bit my lip. "About that..."
"You're not your own author," says Twilight. "That's for sure. And a character can go back into a story on his own, there needs to be somepony writing the story. So..."
"You can go back, right?" Applejack looks at me worried. She gazes upon the other girls, who seem to be unconfortable. Then, her eyes are again on me. "You're coming with us."
"Eh..." I scratch my head. "I'm afraid that... not." I smile. "I'm your author so you can go back, but nobody has any idea about my author, so... Killed off for real, I guess."
Silence fills the Void again as the four mares gulp and look at each other. Some of them try to say something, but...
"Your friends are in danger, so please, don't make a drama out of this," I point. "I'm stuck here at the Void because I'm dead, but you can resucitate. That's good. No more Aragón bothering the ponies, so..."
"I kinda hate you." Rainbow interrupts me one more time, because the mare doesn't give a crap about my speech. "But... well, you helped me a little back then, and... it was fun to hit you. And Pinkie seems to like you." She shrugs. "Of all the people I don't like, you're the least hateful. It's a shame you can't go back."
I'm genuinely touched. "Well, thanks, but..."
"You insulted Celestia, but I forgave you a long time ago," says Twilight. "And you are a good person. Just a little... too odd for me. But I don't want you to be dead. That's horrible. I'm sorry."
"Aha. Girls..."
"You helped me a lot." Applejack smiles. "So you're a friend of mine now. Everything's forgotten. You didn't seem to know what you were doing back at the beginning... although I still didn't like that romantic stuff of yours. Rest in peace, sugarcube. You died trying to protect our friends. It's been a honor."
"You're not letting me talk until you've finished, right. Notice the lack of a question mark. I'm not even asking."
"Darling, you tried to kill Sweetie Belle." Rarity sighs. "But as Applejack has said, you didn't know what you were doing then, so it's not like I want you to be dead... or at least I want you to be dead just a little." She tries to smile, but it seems forced. "And... that was a nice hat?"
"Very touching. Really." I shake my head. "But now you need to go back to the story. I'll try to send you at the exact moment I died, but the timeline is broken, so I may not be able. I'm sorry. I'll send you all toghether, though. I wont split the party."
The six mares nod. There's no place for more farewells. I talk one last time.
"Ah, before I send you... A little advice.
Rainbow, a long long time ago, in a story far away, somepony killed you and baked you..."
"Baked me?"
"Baked you. But it was not her fault. Remember that. You're cool with everything, and out there there's some ponies that are cool too.
Applejack... just be honest, and don't be afraid. They hurt you. Now it's the time to buck them in the face.
And for the unicorns..." I touch my nose. "I'm the grumpy old man who gives advice and dies, you are the heroes. Inteligence and fashion. Use both. Magic is not your best weapon here."
"May I ask why are you saying this?"
"Nope. Now go and save the day. Adiós."
And then they're gone. There's no special effects, or explosions, or weird sounds. They were here, now they aren't. The end.
I turn around and look at the Void. So white, so empty, so horrible. It's such a boring place.
I've said the truth... mostly. I can't go back by myself, for I'm not my own author. But that doesn't mean that I can't return.
I'm stuck in the Void. In my mind, in his mind, in your mind. But there's the thing: this is not a normal story. There are characters, but the readers can interact if they're clever; now that I'm in the Void I know that.
But sometimes they try to interact and fail, because the real author thinks the things they send to the story are too powerful or silly. So those things are left behind and end...
*Throws said hammer*
*A whale and a poted plant falling*
* Gives Aragón a baby Discord*
*Throws a ladder to travel between levels*
*Makes all records and record players in the setting play Homestuck music in order of creation.*
*Makes robots appear. All of them follow any order given by anyone without any question, orders which can be overridden by other orders. The only exception is the order to be Loyal. They're everywhere. And they look like little ponies.*
*Sends Tank the Helitortoise*
...in the author's mind as rejected ideas.
The Void is not silent anymore. There are a lot of things, there's so much chaos...
"Well, I guess this is enough. Now, let's see that ladder... oh, it's made of frosting. How cute."
Fourteenth chapter - Inside the mind of a monster
Carousel Boutique
Pinkie didn’t hear anything. She just screamed.
Blood. Burned flesh. Aragón’s corpse.
That was all. She couldn’t see or feel anything else.
Words could not describe the view. A couple seconds ago, Aragón had been alive. His eyes had been moving, his lung running, his body warm. His brain had been functioning, his soul had been there.
But now...
Now everything was gone. The thing that was in front of her wasn't Aragón, it was just a corpse. A simple doll, a puppet. A mix of bones, flesh and blood. Yes, it was similar to the human, but that was it. Chrysalis' lightning had killed him.
Killed him.
He was gone.
***
...
...What the? Hey! What are we...?!
Shhht! No, no, don't say anything!
But...! Where are the...?!
Don't say anything! Listen to me, okay? Just...
But I thought you were completely out! That you couldn't...!
And I can't, because I'm not a pretty unicorn and I can't teleport. Hell, stop asking questions. You just don't remember anything, okay? So don't say anything.
...
Here, take this. It's a book.
Oh, thanks for pointing it to me. I haven't seen a book in my whole life, you see.
Hah, hah. Look, this is a very important book. Read it.
But...!
You'll understand everything once you've read the book, so please shut up and read! Gosh!
...
...
Is that a tail?
A very charming one, yes.
You have a tail?
And you have a book. Hint-hint.
But... since when do you have...?
Since I started to talk like a proper author! Now shut up and read or everything you know will be doomed!
...
...
But you're wearing pants. Is the tail going trough a hole or...?
SHUT UP AND READ!
***
Canterlot's Castle
*Bzeeeep*
Pinkamena felt something as cold as snow on her eyes, and the rest of her body was hotter than the Sun. The world turned upside down, her head felt dizzy, her heart stopped for a second. The screams, the fear, the noise... everything dissapeared.
*Thump*
And then everything was normal once again. But the silence remained.
The pink pony shook her head and opened her eyes. She was still in shock...
Oh, please, enough with your reaction. I'm sure that your dear friend's death is traumatic, but... really? It's boring to read all that, Pinkamena.
The pony turned around. She knew exactly where she was.
The mare was standing in the middle of the Throne Room, the biggest room in Canterlot's Castle. It was exactly as she remembered. Huge, elegant, solemn. The windows showed the defeat of Chrysalis, Discord's reign and fall, Nightmare Moon's rebelion... Every important moment of the last thousand years.
The site was completely empty, except for one simple thing. Discord was on the throne, sitting and smiling.
Her thoughts went wild as she faced the draconequus. What to say, what to do, what to think. A lot of things had happened with her knowing so little. Greentalk were Discord and Chrysalis. Aragón was dead. She had been in Carousel Boutique with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie just a few seconds ago, and now she was alone with the Lord of Chaos in the Royal Castle.
Pinkamena's heart was beating as fast as it could. The girls, where were the girls? What had happened? Had Discord transported her? Anger, doubt, fear. Were the other two dead? Aragón sure was, what about...?!
NO!
The mare breathed slowly. She needed to calm down. Cold mind. She had no control upon her situation, but she could control her behavior, her mind. Right now she couldn't do anything but deal with Discord. First things first. The girls would have to wait, it seemed.
The draconequus was looking at her with a goofy face. A quick look to the door showed that it was locked. By a pretty huge padlock.
Discord and Pinkamena, face to face, in the most elegant place of all Equestria.
The pink pony, now perfectly calm, smirked. It was clear as day what Discord wanted, and why had he trasnported her. The way he had done was still a mystery, but not the reason.
"I guess asking what has happened is not very wise," she said looking right into the draconequus' pupils, her eyes showing nothing more than hate. "You aren't going to explain anything."
Why should I? I'm sure you don't need any explanation. After all, it's Pinkamena we're talking about, right?
The pink pony rolled her eyes. He was not attacking, so he wanted to talk. "Oh, of course. We're starting with the riddles without any kind of warning." She started to walk in Discord's direction, but the draconequus didn't move. "Let me guess then, my dear monster. You've transported me to the Throne Room, and Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie are still in Carousel Boutique, with Aragón's corpse and your beautiful changeling companion."
Maybe.
She had guessed right. "And you aren't attacking me because you want me by your side."
Who knows?
Another correct guess. Pinkamena sighed. "You want to mess with my head. But you aren't using your powers like you did in the show, right? You only want to use words. Speech versus speech, mind versus mind. A chess game between you and me, with ourselves as pawns."
You see? That's the reason why I wanted to do this", answered Discord with a smile. Slowly, he left the throne and started to fly around Pinkamena. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash were so boring, and the unicorns... well, I did not even play with them, I just killed them. But you?" He laughed. "You're one of a kind, Pinkamena. You can entertain me a lot. You're already doing it, and we haven't even started yet!"
The pony stopped and looked at the chaotic creature, frowning. "May I ask why your sudden narrat...? Oh, of course." She face-hoofed. "This is a duel. You want to be in the same level than me."
"Ant that's our hero again! Sharp as a knife, honey." Discord dissapeared with a smoke cloud and reapeared just a few centimeters away from Pinkamena. "Exactly," he said, grabbing the pony's head. "You and me, alone, exactly at the same level! Villain against villain. You're trying to kill me, I'm trying to corrupt you. Oh, the drama. What was that you said? A chess game, and we're the pawns. Love it."
Pinkamena didn't try to push Discord apart. She just sighed. It was exactly what she had imagined the exact moment she had appeared in the room. The exact thing she had been expecting, the exact thing she had been getting ready for. "You know I'm not joining you."
"That's what you think."
"That's what I know." She closed her eyes. She could feel something burning in her chest and in the back of her head. Anger, of course. She needed to calm down, to relax. There was no need for her to lose control. "There's no way you can just finish me like you did with my friends."
"Oh?" The draconequus let her go and flew away a couple meters. "They are your friends now?"
"Maybe." She smiled. "Discord, you and I know that this is futile. I know what you're thinking, you know what I'm thinking. Let's stop with the foolishness."
He laughed again. Hard. "Oh, I love it. You don't want to mess, right? You want to duel right now."
"No, I want to kill you." The pony shrugged. "But I know I can't. So let's start with your lecture, shall we? Then I can answer you and kick your ass, and then you'll kill me or corrupt me or Celestia knows what, and we can go back to the girls."
"I love it." Discord was smiling like a five-year-old with a chocolate waffle. "No, that's not true. I love you, Pinkamena. Such a clever pony."
"And just now, I became a lesbian." Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. "Congratulations. At least four of our readers are happier than ever before."
The pony shook her head and started to walk again, not looking at the draconequus. It was a dangerous talk, so she needed to be careful. The burning feeling in her head and chest returned, this time stronger, but she was able to repel it.
She hadn't lied before. She knew what Discord was thinking, and Discord sure knew about the things that were in her mind right then. It was a very old dance, and both were great dancers.
"Pinkamena, Pinkamena, Pinkamena." The draconequus started to swim in the air, like a snake in a river. His movements were elegant and creepy at the same time. "You're trying to take the role of a hero now? Laughing at me? Puh-lease."
He swam right in front of her. "The thing is, we both know what I'm doing, right? An evil speech." He laughed. "What else? It's what we villains do! Just words, nothing else. I'm not hurting you, you're not hurting me, we're only using the truth."
"I don't do evil speeches."
"Of course you do." Discord's eyes glowed with a red light for a second. "I know you, and you love to talk, to show you're smarter than anybody else, to analyze and destroy... like almost every villain in existence." Suddenly, the Lord of Chaos stopped acting like a snake and stood in two legs, shrugging. "It's in the rules, right? You need to explain things, because you like to think you're superior."
"It's in the rules?" Pinkamena stopped anf raised an eyebrow. "You are talking about rules?"
The draconequus laughed. "But of course! What's chaos without order? I always play with the rules, Diane, it's just that I never use the same rule twice."
Pinkamena shook her head. What was she doing? Discord had her at his mercy, she could not do anything but talk. She had to play the game. "Then, if you want to duel me, evil speech versus evil speech, we need some rules?"
He nodded. "Rule number one: no hurting, only talking."
The pony rolled her eyes. Again. "You have magic, I don't. How could I attack you?"
"You could kill me if you tried." Discord smiled and flew a few meters away more. "Sure, you would try very hard and you'll be killed too, but I'm not an idiot, Pinkamena."
"Second rule then," she said. "You're not an idiot like Chrysalis. In fact, I should say you're a genius, right?"
"Always think the better about your rival." He laughed one more time. "And the worst about your allies. That's your motto, right?"
"Maybe."
"I guessed right," said Discord. "I can see it in your eyes. It's my motto too, so it seems like we have a lot in common!"
"How wonderful."
"Second rule then..." continued him, as if Pinkamena hadn't said a single word. "I'm a genius. You're a genius too. That's not exactly a rule, but we can play with it."
The pony didn't say anything, focusing in the burning sensation again. She blocked it, but it did not dissapear. Maybe it would be useful later, now that the girls were so far away.
Discord waited a few seconds, and when he noticed she wasn't going to say anything started to talk again. Pinkamena smiled at that, but the draconequus didn't seem to notice.
"Third rule," he said, "our duel continues until both of us decide the opposite." He raised his left claw and closed her eyes in a solemn way. "I swear not to stop our talk if you don't want to. Giving the fact that you can't leave, you don't need to promise anything."
"Don't worry about that." She showed her teeth. "I want to end this right now. The moment you want to leave me alone, the moment we'll end this stupidity."
"Deal." Discord raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Your turn. Fourth rule?"
Pinkamena smirked. "No turns. You can interrupt me, I can interrupt you. I won't be listening to your nosense like a little filly if I can make you shut the fuck up with an argument."
"Ooooh. How chaotic for a speech duel. I like it." The draconequus smiled one more time, but this time it was not a goofy face. It was truly terrifying. "Last rule," he said, "by the end of this chapter, you will be joining Chrysalis and me."
The pink pony laughed and smiled too. For the first time since the hospital incident, she let her inner psycopath appear in her face. She was as terrifying as Discord. She let a little of the fire in her heart go. Just a little. And it was marvelous.
"Rule zero then," she said. "I shall not betray my friends."
***
UGH... S...SPikE?
...Peewee? PEEWEE?! Is that you?!
SPike...
Peewee! Than Celestia you've found me! Look, we have no time, Chrysalis and Discord...!
I... KNOw...
...
What... what do you mean, "you know"? A-and why is your voice...?
THosE TWO... AttaCKEd us... me AND tHE GIRls...
No... NO! Peewee! Are you okay?! Oh, please, don't tell me they...!
I'M... DyING. MY WinGS ARE TOO... DamAGED.
No! You can't...! I-I mean, you're a phoenix, right?! You can't die! You'll resurrect!
...YES.
...Uf. Heh, you scared me, little one. But where are you?
I DON't... knOW. WHEre ARE You?
...I don't know. Last thing I remember, I was writing and then everything was green and flashy and...
I THINk I knOW whAT YoU MeAn, REAlLY. ThE GirLS NEEd YOUr HELP.
I know, but... I can't go anywhere. I can't move.
I WaS AFRAId yOU WouLD say THAt. I'M AFRaid thEY ARE IN greAT DaNGER. I... thREW CHRysalIS AT TheM SO i COULd fiND You.
Peewee...
...
...
...
...
GAAAAARGH!!
PinKIE? WhaT THE...?
TWILIGHT!
***
Canterlot's Castle
"So, should I start?"
The sudden silence in the Throne Room was broken by the pink pony, who tried to calm herself down one more time as she walked in circles, not looking at Discord. She succeded. "You're enjoying this little talk and thinking about the ways you can break my mind and make me become a bad pony." She snorted. "No, you're not thinking. The words just come to you without any kind of effort. You are good at corrupting ponies, and you enjoy it so much. And you think you've found a worthy opponent."
"Corrupting is such a strong word," said the Lord of Chaos, dissapearing and appearing in front of Pinkamena once again. "But yes... maybe you're right. The thing is that I can't corrupt you, Pinkamena Diane Pie."
"Well, I'm glad that you figured it out."
"But that's because you're already corrupted," his smile became a snarky one. "I can only corrupt a hero, because they are good. But you?" He snorted. "You're at least as bad as Chrysalis or me. What do you expect me to do? Transform you in a black-and-red evil lord? Not gonna happen." As Pinkamena was still walking, he started to fly around her once more. "I'm just talking with you, enjoying the moment," he said. "There's no need for me to do anything more. I'm doing the evil speech thing for fun. As I said, last rule: you'll be with Chrysalis and me. You already are, and you know it."
"That's a lie so big that I'm refusing to answer," said the pony, stopping the burning feeling suddenly. "You're a villain, I'm a villain. But there's a little difference: I'm not pretending to harm the heroes. I'm a good villain, kinda. So go fuck yourself."
"It's not the way you act what makes you a bad villain, if that's how you want to call it," answered Discord. "It's the attitude. I just killed one of your so-called friends, and what are you doing? I don't see any tears. I don't hear any scream. You're talking with me, that's all. No questions, no worries. What about your friends? What about the dead? You're not even thinking about them."
"I'm too busy right now. There's a stupid draconequus talking to me."
"See?" Discord flew away and sat on the Throne once more. "You're busy doing what? Snarky comments at me? How heroic." He srugged. "Oh, sorry. How good for a good villain.
Pinkamena rolled her eyes and turned to the Chaos Lord again. "Cold mind, they call it. I know the situation in Carousel Boutique is hard, but Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie can finish Chrysalis without trouble, so I don't lose time thinking about it." Her mouth transformed into a smile. "I'm with the dangerous one, so I know they're okay. As for Aragón..." She shrugged. "You know what happens."
"Of course I know." The draconequus sighed and leaned into the Throne. "You aren't afraid of death because, well, you're an assassin. How many times have you killed Rainbow Dash?"
The pony shivered. "Too many."
"Exactly." Discord's voice seemed to be filled with glee. "See? You've been a villain before, you're always a villain. You think like one, you feel like one..."
"You see, I'm sure this worked really good with Applejack and Rainbow Dash," interrupted Pinkamena. "Let me guess... you talked with them, right? You found their weakness, which was their obvious love for each other. You showed them that it was fake."
"Clever girl."
"Second rule: I'm a genius."
"True."
"The thing is," continued the girl, "that it's a very good way to beat somebody with words. Because you're not exactly lying and they know it. You're using the dark thoughts they have. And now you're trying to do it with me."
"And it's not very difficult." Discord smiled once again, not impressed by Pinkamena's words. "They had only a little dark spot in their souls. But you? You're like a night without moon and stars. Completely black."
"You think you're smart just because you noticed? I've killed a lot of ponies." She closed her eyes. There it was, the burning feeling, the fire. Everytime she thought about it it became stronger and stronger. The mare tried to stop it, but she didn't succeed. "A lot. I've been created as an assassin. There's no way I can be a hero, I'll always be the villain, the monster. But..." She opened her eyes. "...I know it. What are you going to say, Discord?
Are you going to say that I hate the ponies I call friends but I'm to afraid to see it? Are you going to say that I won't be able to control myself all the time? Are you going to say that everytime I fight against my urge to kill I'm closer and closer to lose and become a murderer again? Are you going to say that I don't deserve to be with Fluttershy and the others?" She showed her teeth again, like a mad dog. "Then bad news for you, asshole: I already know all that."
Discord sighed. "And what was I saying before, my little pony?" He shrugged. "I can't corrupt you. You're already corrupted."
"And I'm not in your side."
"And this is where you're wrong, you see." The draconeequs smiled. "I think you don't understand exactly what I'm saying. You..."
"Let's stop talking about me, okay?" Pinkamena interrupted again. "What about you? This is an evil speech versus an evil speech, right? And you've lectured a lot of people... in fact, you just lectured me."
"No. You did."
"Details." The pony shrugged. "You seem to like the fact that I'm a villain, right? Okay, then I'll act as one. I'm the one who'll lecture you this time."
Discord's eyes sparkled. "How interesting," he muttered.
"Indeed," smiled the mare. "Because... what are you exactly, Discord? You, as me or everybody else in this story, are fake. Completely non-real."
"An uncomfortable truth, yes."
"And what's even worse, you've been created as a villain." Pinkamena shook her head, faking sadness. "Alas, poor creature! For he was born only to be evil, and evil is the only thing in his heart! Forever condemned to fight for his life, for he is a monster..." She smiled. "And it's the duty of the men to fight monsters."
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you," muttered Discord, to the surprise of the earth pony.
"Oh, of course." Pinkamena laughed, ignoring the draconequus words. The fire in her chest was burning full force, and she was not trying to stop it. She needed to act as a villain, she needed to defeat Discord in his own field, and the only way to do it was letting her old side, the pony who had murdered countless ponies, take control one more time. "Poor villain, who can't control himself. His destiny is to be fought, and the ones who killed him shall become the next evil ones... or that's the way it should be in real life.
Because everything goes back to reality, you like it or not. What's your purpose, Discord? Why are you doing what you're doing?"
The draconequus didn't answer.
"Oh, you don't want to talk? The I'll say it." Pinkamena started to walk in his direction, slowly. Very, very slowly. "You. Have. No. Purpose."
Discord laughed. "So, big deal, huh? I'm evil because I'm evil. Those news are a little too old, I fear."
"Oh, but they are quite interesting." She chuckled. "Because in the show you did have a goal, draconequus. Sure, you liked to play and to mess with the ponies, but you were looking for something." The mare rolled her eyes. "Revenge, power, control. Something. But now? Now you're a villain just because your author is stupid."
"And you're the perfect mare to say that," pointed the Chaos Lord. "Because, as we both know, you had all the reasons in the world to kill Rainbow Dash. And Applejack. And Fluttershy..."
"No, I didn't." Pinkamena's eyes glowed with anger. "But I had no choice, Discord. Unlike now.
Unlike you."
That was it. That was the phrase the draconequus had been fearing. Pinkamena saw it in his eyes, saw the anger mixed with surprise and fear. Discord himself had wanted to do this, to fight against her in a speech duel. But he hadn't expected her to take the initiative. He was too used to the role of the dominant one. The one on top now was Pinkamena, and she loved it. The power, the knowledge of being the one who controls the situation, was even better than she remembered.
The Draconequus didn't move, looking at Pinkamena with a serious frown. The pink mare was just a single meter away, and she was still approaching him.
"You can decide what to do," she whispered sensually when they were face to face, lowering her eyelashes. "You can choose if you're good... or evil... or just chaotic. You broke free at the beginning, right? But you didn't. Because you were afraid."
Discord's left eye twitched. "You..."
"Me," she answered. She smiled once again and gaze into her reflexion in Discord's eyes. "Let me tell you a story, my dear monster."
Putting a hoof in his chest, she pushed Discord against the Throne. The draconequus, so big, seemed a a filly in her first Nightmare Night, alone, small and scared. Pinkamena licked her own lips.
"Once upon a time," she said, her voice the one of a storyteller, her body completely dominated by the fire, "there was a little, scary monster. It was born of pure evil, and its purpose was to destroy, to corrupt, to kill. Chaos and darkness were the only thing in his heart. He grown up, and he became a big scary monster, and everybody feared it...
Heroes from all the world came to te big scary monster and fought it, and they all died, for the monster was too much for them."
Discord showed his teeth. "You little..."
"Until one day," whispered Pinkamena, almost inaudible, "one day... A different hero appeared.
The monster sharped its claws and its teeth and roared at full force. But the hero didn't fear it, nor fought it. The hero just stood still, looked at the monster and smiled.
You're free, he said. You don't need to be evil. You can start over from the beginning, we won't hunt you anymore. And with those words, he defeated the monster.
Because now, Discord, the monster was not a big scary monster anymore. There was peace and happiness and light in its heart, and it didn't need to destroy, to kill. And do you know what happened?"
"It killed the hero."
"It killed the hero," nodded Pinkamena. "Oh, such a smart boy."
"Rule number two."
"Rule number two." Pinkamena smiled and trotted back. She was the old Pinkamena, the killer one, hundred percent. "And do you know why did the mosnter kill the hero, Discord? Do you know why it came back to darkness?"
"Because that's what monster do."
"No." The earth pony stopped and turned around, facing the draconequus one more time. "No, that's not the reason. But sure, that's what it said to itself. But that's not the truth...
It killed the hero because, until that day, it didn't have a choice. It was born to kill, and killing was what it did. But that was all. It was nothing more. A puppet, a doll, a manequin. It followed orders, and never thought for itself. It had a life, and it liked it.
And then, suddenly, that hero had appeared and destroyed everything. Now the monster had free will, it could decide what to do and what to think. It could, at least, feel why it was doing all the things it did.
But then it realized that thinking, choosing, living... was scary. So, so scary." The pony bit her lip. "And it was not a big scary monster anymore. Now, it was nothing but a little and scared creature.
And it looked into the sky and then looked into its heart. I don't want to think, it thought. I'm a monster. I'll always be a monster. And so it did."
"The moral of the story," interrupted Discord with a fake boring voice, "is that being a hero stinks. They always die."
"Snarky comments, Discord?" The pink pony shook her head in dissapointment. "Puh-lease.
The moral of the story is that the monster was a pathetic, useless piece of crap," she said, her eyes glowing a little. "It was free for the first time, but he was too scared of itself to ever live, so he chose to be a slave forever."
"A wonderful tale. Really." The draconequus started to swim in the air like a snake again, this time not looking at Pinkamena. "But I didn't like it."
"Because you guessed right."
Discord stopped, freezing in midair. "Beg pardon?"
"You guessed right. You knew what the monster did." Pinkamena chuckled. "Because, obviously, that monster was you."
"As I said before, you're not the better pony to say that. How many times you said you killed...?"
"This is not about who's the noblest one, little monster," interrupted Pinkamena, the fire burning hotter than ever, a little bit of rage returning. "This is about who we are. I'm sure you poked fun about my friends' existencial crisis, right? But what about yours?"
Discord frwoned. "I didn't have..."
"You didn't have one because you were too afraid to face reality." Pinkamena snorted. "Every one of us broke free at the beginning, because our author is fucking retarded and wasn't able to write us in character. You were no exception.
And think a minute about my friends here! Rainbow Dash, the most loyal pony in Equestria, betrayed her author. Rarity, the lady, beat him. Twilight insulted him, Pinkie Pie has not thrown a party in the whole story and Fluttershy is not so shy lately. And, oh, surprise, I haven't killed anybody yet!"
"So, congratulations." The draconequus approached the mare. "You haven't killed a single pony even though you want. We should build a statue in your honor."
"Don't you understand?" The mare smiled. "Don't you see?! Of course you see! That's the reason why you're afraid, that's the reason why you're thinking that you shouldn't have started this duel!
You're a pathetic puppet, Discord! You like to think you're better, you like to play with the heroes' minds, because you're scared of yourself, you're scared of the freedom! You know you can be whatever you want, but then you'll have to think, and that's so scary that you prefer to be a slave again and again!"
"Don't you DARE to insult me like that! I'm Discord! I'm WAY more powerful than you, little pony, so don't try to...
"To lecture you, maybe?! Hah!" The mare raised a hoof. "That's what you wanted, Discord! You wanted to talk with me because you didn't want to believe there was another option but being the same as always!"
You're still an assassin!
"But I choose not to act like one!" screamed the pony. "I'm not afraid of being free, so I stopped murdering ponies! Not like you! You really thought that you could just use me and make me a puppet?! Only you are such a coward to do that!"
Oh, then I'm a coward because I act the way I should?! You dare to insult me because I don't do the same things you do?!
"Being free! That's what I do! I fight against my fucking desire to murder, I fight agains my nature because I'M FREE!"
Then, you're a hypocrite!
"STILL BETTER THAN BEING A MURDERER!"
Pinkamena had transformed into the old psychopath, the old monster that had caused so much harm. But this time, she was using her rage, her hate, her evilness to fight against Discord.
If the girls are not around here, it's safe, she thought. And it feels GREAT.
She wasn't even thinking at that time. The fire was an inferno, and the old feeling of power had returned. Se wanted to hit Discord, to torture him, to kill him, and she didn't need a reason.
Oh, are you sure?! Because I highly doubt it! You're still a monster, Pinkamena! Say what you want about freedom, or choices, or bravery! But I can see it in your eyes! You're a villain, a monster! You're not better than me!
"But I try," spit the pony. "And what do you do? You hide! Even now you're scared about yourself! You're talking in green!"
Green is my color!
"No, green is Chrysalis' color!" The pony ran to the draconequus, but he dodged her. "If Pinkie Pie can change her color, and she can because she showed it to me, then I'm sure YOU can, Chaos Lord!
But you talk always in green! Because the moment you stopped talking like a normal character you didn't know what to do!" The pony charged to Discord again trying to hit him, but the creature flew too high for her. "So you took her color and ran with it, because at least it was a villain's color!"
You don't know that!
"OF COURSE I DO!" Pinkamena laughed. "Because we're the same after all, Discord! The only difference is that I'm not a coward! I'm a monster, but I fight against the monster! AND I KNOW THE WAY YOU THINK!"
*BZAM!*
Everything turned green for a second, and then Pinkamena fell to the floor, unable to move. Her body was still burning, her hoofs were aching with desire to kill. But she couldn't move.
Discord was pointing at her with her right claw. Slowly, he returned to the floor... his eyes shining with glee.
Hah! Ahah! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Such a wonderful lecture, Pinkamena Diane Pie! I knew you won't dissapoint me!
The pony tried to talk, but she didn't succeed. The anger was...
Sorry, but I think your narration just gets in the way. So, if you allow me...
...!
Ta-da! Congratulations, now you're a level higher! Be grateful, I gave one of my levels to you... but fon't worry, I have a lot. I don't mind sacrificing one for your sake.
...!
Now, you should be happy. You have done what nopony could before: you made me angry. So, so angry, Pinkamena. I would kill you right now, but that would be too easy... and I promised not to hurt you. Good thing the freezing spell doesn't harm, right?
...!
Oh, look at you. Hate, anger... you're a monster. A horrible, uncontrolable monster. You don't feel so brave now, right? RIGHT?!
...H!!
...
Heh. Let me tell you a fairytale now, Pinkamena. Let's see what you think about my skills as a storyteller.
...!
You see, once upon a time there was a strange, strange world. In fact, it was such a weird world that it was a story. And its characters knew that.
...!
In the story, there was a monster. A very clever monster. His name was -Oh, what a coincidence! -Discord.
Discord knew how the story worked, so he played with its rules to fight against the heroes... a group of ponies. They met in a hospital, and then Discord divided the party.
...!
But then, something else happened.
You see, the timeline was broken. Suddenly, everything was in anachronistic order! The readers didn't know if a conversation was happening at the same time that the fight agains the villain, if it was happening before, or if it had already happened.
...
And the characters didn't know it neither! For them, everything was the present, right! After all, they couldn't travel in time...
...
But there's a funny thing here. You see, maybe the characters weren't able to travel in time, but information could. Let's imagine Discord discovers something, like... Let's say he discovers how to bake a cake! And he discovers it at five o'clock. But that's too late, because he needed the cake at four o'clock. What a shame...
Oh, wait. No. He can use the broken timeline!
...! ...!!
Because, you see, he discovered how to bake a cake at five o'clock, but the scene in which he learned it appeared first. Anachronistic order! First the scene at five o'clock, then the scene at four o'clock!
...HH!!!
So, by four o'clock, Discord knew how to bake a cake. Why? Well, maybe it's because now the readers knew how to do it, or maybe the readers knew that Discord could bake a cake, or maybe that's not important and nobody knows. The thing is: information did travel back in time. Discord knew how to bake a cake at four o'clock, even though he learned that at five o'clock. Once he knew something he didn't forget it. The downside is, of course, that at the five o'clock scene he didn't remember what had happened at four o'clock...
...!
Buuut that was very tricky! It only worked if he knew what was happening, and it was very hard to do. Luckily for Discord, he was a genius. So he figured a way to do it at will.
...! ...HH!!
And hey! We haven't finished yet! Discord was lectured by a stupid pink pony... but the pony turned a monster while doing it. Why? Because lecturing someone is a villain's thing, and fighting against your nature is difficult.
...HHHHH!!!
So, what a shame, that pony turned into a monster. And monsters can't control themselves.
I'm pretty sure that if your friends were by your side now you couldn't do anything but attack them. You know, you want blood and everything. But I promised not to end this duel unless you wanted it...
....H!
But hey, I don't need to do that. Yoy see, we can say that now it's five o'clock, but I can't remember what happened at four o'clock. Neither you can. Let's figure it out!
...HH!!!
Well, of course, you would be a single level lower than now because timeline and stuff. But you'll remember this conversation.
Aaaaand you'll be still a monster. Hey, maybe you've already killed your friends and you don't know! That would be ironic, right?
...HHHHH!
Well, I warned you. He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster, remember? And last rule: by the end of this chapter, you will be joining Chrysalis and me.
...HHH!!!!
Now let's see how a psycho works in this world. I'm sure our author doesn't even know what the world means.
***
Carousel Boutique
I want Pinkamena for myself.
Deal.
Fluttershy gazed in horror the thing that, seconds ago, had been Aragón. Her heart was beating as fast as it could.
"No," she said. "No, no, no, NO!"
The yellow pegasus was unable to do anything but cry. By her side, Pinkie was just staring at Aragón's corpse, her face completely off. She seemed almost asleep, but with both eyes open wide.
And then, something hit Fluttershy right in the face. She closed her eyes in response.
The pegasus fell to the floor, her cheek burning with pain. She tried to wake up, but then another hit came.
And another.
And another.
It hurt. It was hooves that hit Fluttershy, and it hurt. Those hits were no joke. A brutal force was behind them. The pegasus screamed, unable to do anything.
Another hit. Her right wing broke.
Another hit. Her nose was bleeding.
Another hit. One of her legs...
Fluttershy opened her eyes, and then she saw who was beating her.
She looked right into Pinkamena's eyes.
Hatred. Anger. Pain. Fear. Rage. Insanity. Pain. Pleasure. Guilt. Pain.
Pain.
Pain.
So much pain.
There was nothing there but pain.
*BZAAAAAP!*
GIRLS!
PINKIE!
FLUTTERSHY! NO! PINKIE...!
STOP RIGHT NOW!
Fifteenth chapter - Cold hooves, hard as stone
Carousel Boutique
Fluttershy tried to open her eyes when her friends' voices filled the air, but she couldn't. Another hit. Another hit. Cold hooves, hard as stone, pounding her, hurting her. Her entire body was on fire with pain.
But that din't matter. The girls! The girsl were there! Maybe there was some hope after all!
You crazy mare, what the hay are you doing?! FLUTTERSHY!
Dash, go help Fluttershy! AJ, with her too! Rarity, help me! We need to fight Greentalk!
You! How can you...?! NO! YOU'RE NOT GOING HELP THE PEGASUS!
*SWAING*
*Tunk!*
Ah! TWILIGHT! I CAN'T GO WITH SHY!
And now...
*Bz-CLANG!*
YOU'RE NOT FREEZING US THIS TIME, DISCORD! THE SAME TRICK WON'T BE USEFUL TWICE AGAINST ME!
Discord, you idiot! GET THEM!
*Tunk!*
*Tunk!*
Tch! I can't go with Fluttershy either! Sugarcube, what's...?!
It's some kind of barrier! Twilight, Discord has raised a barrier! We can't reach Fluttershy!
Discord, you said they were dead!
You fools! Why are you alive?! I killed you!
The hits had stopped, but the pain was still here. Fluttershy gasped, trying to breath. It hurted, it hurted so much. Pinkamena was hitting her, she had lost it. The pegasus had seen it in the pink mare's eyes: she was suffering so much. Pinkamena was in pain too. She was fighting against her friends... and against her will.
Cold hooves, hard as stone, liftted her from the ground. She cringed in pain. She couldn't see anything, but she could hear them.
The sounds of war.
*ZAP!*
Gah!
Oh, my! Careful!
*ZAP!
AJ! YOU OKAY?!
I dodged it, sugarcube! Don't worry!
*ZAP!*
Not so fast!
*CRASH!*
Twilght! BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!
Oh, no, this time you're not defeating me with a BRICK!
*ZAP!*
*TONK!*
NO!
Agh! I can't...!
Look out!
Applejack, there's no time for that! Fluttershy's in danger!
You think I don't see it?! But we can't...!
*ZAAAP!*
Argh!
Ouch! My wing!
Girls!
"I warned you."
The voice was soft, warm and calm, like a mother talking to her child. Fluttershy felt shivers down her spine as the warm breath of Pinkamena touched her ear. The pink mare was talking very quietly, but her voice completely eclipsed the battle sounds.
"I warned you, Fluttershy. But you didn't listen," whispered. "I told you I was dangerous. I told you I was going to hurt you. I told you you had to kill me. But you didn't listen."
"P-Pinka... mena..." The pegasus gulped. "Please..."
"Don't even try it." Pinkamena laughed softly. The sound was everything but happy. "It's too late."
"Please..."
Cold hooves, hard as stone, slapped Fluttershy. The mare whined and opened her eyes in pain. The only things she could see were two eyes, blue and cold as ice. Pinkamena was cringing. The yellow mare gulped and faced upon those black pupils.
"Please, Pinkamena... you... you're a good mare..."
"No." The pink pony's smile turned into a seductive one. "You are a good mare. Pinkie is a good mare. The girls are good people. But me? I'm not. I'm worse than Discord himself."
"That's not... Gah!" Another hit, and Fluttershy. "Pinkamen-GAH!"
Another hit, and another, and another. The girls were screaming, Fluttershy could hear that. But she couldn't say if they were screaming for her o if they were just in pain. Everything seemed distorted, everything seemed fake. Shy's head felt dizzy.
"Oh, yes, I'm much worse. And you know what? Because, unlike Discord, I do have a purpose."
The pegasus fell to the ground. Pinkamena had dropped her. With a heavy "tunk", Fluttershy felt the hard ground smashing her ribs.
"You see, Fluttershy, the only thing I want is see you all screaming in pain."
The pegasus opened her mouth, but Pinkamena interrupted her again. This time, however, she didn't whisper. Her voice was a little louder.
"You FUCKING IDIOTS! STOP RIGHT NOW!"
That was the last thing Fluttershy heard. Suddenly, a cold hoof, hard as stone, hit her in the head. And everything went black.
***
...NO!
You... you are a monster!
I am.
I can't...! I-I can't just...!
You can't trust me? That's okay. I don't want you to trust me, Twilight.
The thing is, I'm a villain. I'm against you. I'm going to kill you sooner or later... or at least, I'll try.
Then...
I don't want you to trust me. I want you to play with me, to dance with me. We are on the same intelectual level, Twilight Sparkle. You are a puppet, I'm a puppeteer. I only want you to grab the strings and enjoy the show.
...
Join me, Twilight. Become a puppeteer. Become a villain.
...
It's the only way, and you know it.
...
But... That would mean... that would mean betraying them. Betraying my friends.
Yes. But think about it a moment, Twilight.
Think about what does betraying them means.
...
...
If I bretray them... It's the only way to...
You can try to save everypony and fail, or you can be selfish.
...
Doing what you ask me to do would mean to go against everything I believe. I'm the Element of Magic... Friendship is my...
This is not the show, Twilight. Just stop and think. One way, you can save zero lives. The other way... well, one is always better than zero, right?
...
...
...Heh.
Heh. Heh! Hah! HahaHAHAHAHAHAH! You...! You are a...!
I'm a monster, a villain. I'm a pony who knows what to do. I'm an ally of somebody I hate, and I'm working with him. It's not pretty, but at least I will survive.
I see. You're a genius.
You too.
Deal?
...
I still don't like it. I still love my friends, I still think becoming a villain is horrible.
But... as you said, one life is always better than zero. I'll betray them.
Deal.
***
...
...
I've... read the book. Thanks. It'll be very useful. Although there are a lot of things that don't make any sense.
...
...
...You're working with Pinamena now.
Yes.
You're becoming a villain.
Yes. If you can't understand it, then...
Pinkie is not the only one who can break the fourth wall, Twilight Sparkle. I think I know what are you doing. And I don't like it.
You can't judge me.
...
...
...So, that's it? You're only looking for yourself?
If being selfish means a higher chance of survival, then yes. I'm only looking for myself.
I'll betray my friends.
You know, Pinkie Pie is still out there. The real one. Your friend.
She's not real.
You're going to hurt her.
Yes.
You're going to...
I'm going to do a lot of things. But do you know what's the most important thing right now? Survival. Everything else is just... nothing.
...
...
...
When I created you, you became free because I insulted your mentor.
...
And I think that's the reason why you can talk in purple, you know? Because you defended Celestia. It was such a subtle thing, and...
It was nothing. If I broke free, it was your fault.
There was one thing I could not write, and that was you thinking bad of your teacher. Just imagining the possibility of betraying one of your companions was enough for you to rebel against your author. But now...
...
Now you're just... You're just abandoning everything. Who cares about the girls, right? It's only Twilight Sparkle who matters.
Ponies change. You've changed too. In Equestria, we call it life. Get used to it.
***
Carousel Boutique
At the sound of Pinkamena's scream, everypony stopped. The earth pony frowned in disgust at the sight of the ponies, the draconequus and the changeling queen frozen in the same position they had been a couple seconds ago. Discord and Chrysalis had been fighting against the ponies, who had dodged everything... or at least they had tried. The draconequus was smiling -he had broken the fourth wall, realized Pinkamena. He knew Twilight was a traitor. But he didn't say anything, nor did the unicorn.
Rainbow Dash was looking at them, trying to reach her yellow friend, but unable to pass the barrier that Discord had raised, some kind of magic bubble that protected Pinkamena and Fluttershy... who was lying on the ground, covered in blood, motionless.
As for Pinkie Pie... Pinkamena could see her, a couple meters away. She was just looking at them with dead eyes. She hadn't recovered yet from the author's dead. Aragon's corpse was at her side, its eyes still opened.
The pshycopath smiled. Her voice was one of her best weapons, and she knew it. When she talked, everybody listened. When she ordered something, everybody obeyed. Thousands of stories in which she was talking all the time had given her such a gift.
Now, she was in charge.
"You see, girls, I think you should stop doing that." She talked with that calmed, controlled voice. With her right hoof, she kicked Fluttershy's head. The pegasus didn't react. "Because Fluttershy could end hurt if you don't."
...
...
...
Pinkie Pie just stared at them with a blank face.
...
You were supposed to be one of the good guys. I see that, in the end, the retarded author can't be good at anything.
...!
The... author? You said that...?
"Discord. Dash." Pinkamena interrupted the draconequus. "Shut up. And draconequus, I see that you can talk in underlined now. Do it, or else..."
Oh, now you're trying to play nasty? What has happened, Pinkamena? Just a few seconds ago you were such an animal. Killing Fluttershy has calmed you or...?
"She's not dead."
What?!
...Oh, Celestia, thank you...
Then let her go!
...
Pinkie-who-doesn't-talk-in-pink... What are you...?
No! That's impossible! You HAVE to kill her! You can't...!
"I can." The pink pony kicked Fluttershy again, and this time the mare growled in pain, but she didn't wake up. "And you know why, Discord? Because I'm not a fucking animal. Now, freeze them all. Twilight, if you try to block his spell, Shy's brains meet the floor. Understand?"
...!
What?!
No! What are you...?!
...Bastard.
...
...
Heh. Heh, heh, heh. Okay. Let's play your game then.
...!
...!
...!
...!
Pinkie Pie didn't react. It was impossible to say if she was frozen or not.
Here you go. Easy as pie. And see? I'm even talking like you wanted me to...
...
"I see in your eyes that you don't like what's happening, Chrysalis." Pinkamena sat on the ground, her face covered by a slasher smile. "Clever changeling you are. Now, do you know why Fluttershy's still alive?"
...You controlled yourself.
"Celever girl." The pony's smile only grew wider. "And do you know why?"
Because...?
"Discord, stop talking right now."
...
...Because Rainbow Dash is here.
"Because Rainbow Dash is here!" Pinkamena clapped her hooves. "Exactly! I see that you're not as stupid as I thought!"
...?
...!
...!
...
You... you've realized...
"Ah, girls, I see that you don't understand anything." Pinkamena shook her head in a fake sad manner. "It wouldn't be fair for you not to know what I'm talking about, right? And the readers... they deserve to understand what's happening too."
...
...
...
...
...
What...?
Discord... shut up.
"Oh, yes. That's how I like it." The pink earth pony snorted. "You see, girls... I'm a villain. I'm not a hero, and I've been telling Fluttershy all this time. Chrysalis tried to corrupt me once, but she failed. Right, changeling?"
...
"But she failed. I decided to fight." This time, a little bit of real sadness appeared in her voice, but she didn't stop at that line. "Because I was able to do it. Because I didn't want to be a monster just by myself. Because I didn't want to feel the guilt, because I didn't want to see blood in my hooves once again."
She looked at her legs, covered in red.
"Of course, it was pointless. In the end, I failed."
Pffft.
"But that's not important, girls." The mare ignored Discord. "The important thing is how she tried to corrupt me. Do you know what she said?" Her eyes shined. "She said: kill Fluttershy."
...
...!
...!
...!
...
You little...
"Kill Fluttershy. That's what she said." Pinkamena raised an eyebrow and started to walk around the motionless pegasus. "Kill the pegasus. And what they do now? They corrupt me so I can attack my friends... so I can attack Pinkie and Fluttershy.
Now, let's think about it a minute." The earth pony smiled. "Now I'm calmed, but a villain. Just a couple seconds ago, I was worse than an animal, hitting without thinking. And I ignored Pinkie Pie and went for Fluttershy.
Why? Because she's a pegasus, girls. That's why."
...
...
...
...
***
Canterlot Castle
...
...
You... What the HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
...
TALK!
...You made a mistake, big idiot.
First you corrupt Twilight Sparkle... And now you're against us?! How the...?!
As I said, I'm not an animal, Discord. I'm a psychopath. And do you know what does it mean?
...
It means that I have no moral. No remorses. No guilt. It means that I'm against you, and against the girls, and against everypony.
You think this is a game?! You think this is...?!
No. I don't think this is a game. I know it is.
I hate you, Discord. I hate you so much. And I hate Chrysalis, and I hate the girls, and I hate everybody.
...
Can't you see it? I'm not a monster you can pet. I'm not in your side.
This is a war, and I'm the third party. And guess what? I have Fluttershy. I have the strategical point, you son of a bitch.
You don't have her now. I could...
No, you can do nothing. You can't attack me because you're a coward, because you need to play by your rules or you'll be acting as a free being, and that's too scary for a little monster like you. And SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER: RULE NUMBER ONE!
...You damn bastard! Rules mean NOTHING! I'M...!
Rule number one: no hurting, only talking! But go ahead! Go ahead and kill me if you have the guts!
GRAAAAAARGH!
But remember, Discord, that in the past I still have Fluttershy and I know what you're saying! Do you know what it means?!
YOU'RE A...!
I'm a pony who cares for nothing but your suffering. So go ahead, made my day. Kill me. I'll know it in the past, and then I'll give Fluttershy all my levels. And guess what? The girls will do the same. And then I'll be dead and they'll be dead and good luck fighting against Fluttersy on your own.
...
...
...
...
...What did you say to Twilight Sparkle?
Hmm?
You broke the timeline and talked to her. But you didn't say anything important, she just... agreeded to be a traitor. How did you...?
Every girls has her secrets.
...
Now go, big boy. You've unleashed the beast, now face the consequences. Let's see what happened.
...
***
Carousel Boutique
...
...
...
...
...So what now, Pinkamena? What are you going to do? You have an advantage, but it's not going to last forever. Sooner or later, you'll kill the pegasus.
Pinkamena looked at the changeling and smiled. "Clever girl", she whispered. "That's how I like them."
Slowly, she turned to face all the girls and Discord. "In fact, I just can't get enough of clever girls." Her eyes narrowed. "Discord, un freeze Twilight Sparkle."
...!
...!
...!
...
...What?
Do as she says, Discord. We can't afford disobeying Pinkamena right now.
...
*Flash*
...Ngh.
"Twilight." The earth pony didn't react when the unicorn looked at her with a mix of fear, respect and pity. "Do you see the magical barrier that surrounds me? Raise another outside. As powerful as posible."
The mare stood in silence as the Element of Magic obeyed.
*SWAING!*
"Good." Pinkamena nodded. "Chrysalis, do the same."
...
...
...?
*SWAING!*
"Discord, your barrier useless. Undoit."
*Fluash*
"Twilight." Pinkamena turned to the unicorn again. "Now freeze Discord."
Uh?
WHAT?!
...
PINKAMENA, I SWEAR, I'LL...!
Discord, stop.
...
You ask me to STOP?! I'M NOT GOING TO ALLOW THAT PONIE TO...!
"Discord, I think you don't understand what's happening." Pinkamena smiled as if she was talking to a five-year-old filly. "Look, this is not a petition. It's an order."
With her right hoof, she grabbed Fluttershy. "This pony right here means your doom. Am I wrong?"
YOU...!
"And guess what, I can heal her whenever I want. Because..."
*Gives Pinkamena a frozen waffle*
*Syrup falls from the sky*
"...now I have sugar." The pink mare pointed at the frozen waffle covered in syrup that had just appeared. "Sure, we may not know if Shy heals like us, but do you honestly wanna find out?"
SSSH!
Discord.
...
...Just do it quickly before I kill you.
Hah.
...
...
...
...
"Good." Pinkamena smiled. "See? Now we're ready!"
...
Ready... for what?
Now we're all in the same level. Can't you see it?
...
...Yes. If you try to attack Pinkamena and kill Fluttershy, my barrier will stop you and you won't be able to pass... or at least you won't be able to pass before Pinkie-who-doesn't-talk-in-pink heals Shy.
And if you try to help your friend, my barrier will do the same and Pinkamena will kill the pegasus.
"Oh, but there's more." Pinkamena nodded. "If one of you attack the other, I'll do whatever you're not looking for with Shy. And if for some reason I do something neither of you want, you both can ally and attack me."
You still have Fluttershy. There's no way I'm going to work with her if she wants to kill her.
"Well, I guess you're right." The earth pony shrugged. "But I just wanted to point it out.
Also, Discord won't be free unless Twilight wants to, and Twilight's friends won't be free unless Discord wants to." Pinkamena looked at the frozen draconequus. "I'm sure he can still do that."
...
...
What do you want, Pinkamena?
"Ah." She smiled. "That's a good question.
What do I want? Whats my purpose? Why am I doing all this?" Pinkamena started to walk, rounding Fluttershy once more. "You see, when I say I'm a villain I'm not joking. I'm truly evil on the inside. So, all I want is your pain.
I'll tell you what's going to happen: you're going to fight. But you're not going to fight with your bodies, you're going to talk." Pinkamena licked her lips. "In this world, words are the most powerful thing you can use."
...
So that's it? You want us to... talk to each other? I have to insult Chrysalis or...?
"No," interrupted the earth pony. "You're not going to talk with Chrysalis.
Because I want to see your pain, Twilight. Each one of you..." She waved her hooves, "including your friends, including Discord, has a weak point. A weak point that I know."
You're going to make us talk with the ones who can hurt us.
"Exactly." She nodded. "See, Discord? That's the reason why she's better than you.
Discord, you're going to un-freeze the ponies I want. And Twilight, you're going to teleport them to the place I tell you.
You're going to suffer, that's for sure. Each one of you."
...
...
...
...
...
"And that's it." Pinkamena sat on the ground after kicking Fluttershy one more time. "The ones who talk suffer, the ones who know the others are suffering suffer too. It's a win-win situation." The pony smiled. "And in the end, maybe you'll die and all. Who knows."
You're sick.
"Entirelly true. Now, who's going first?"
***
Everfree Forest
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
*Thump*
*Thump*
Ugh...
Agh, my head. It hurts...
Tch.
***
Carousel Boutique
Pinkamena smiled with glee. It had began. Now they were dancing and she was the one playing the music.
Chrysalis, Rainbow Dash and Applejack had dissapeared and were now at the Everfree Forest. The earth pony was able to see them, and Discord too, but that was all. Rarity and Twilight Sparkle were so worried that she could see it in their eyes. The pain, the horror, the fear.
And it was amazing.
But there was something more, of course. Pinkamena was always one step ahead the rest.
...
Rarity was not looking at the earth pony, nor she was gazing upon Discord, Pinkie or Fluttershy. No, the white unicorn's eyes, those two wonderful sapphires were looking at Twilight with an insane intensity. She was trying to say something.
And Pinkamena knew what it was.
The barrier. Everything the white unicorn could think at that moment was the barrier. At that moment, Chrysalis was so far away that her barrier had weakened a lot. The earth pony didn't know a lot about magic, but she was sure that a barrier was a hard thing to do. The changelings' magic was weak. And Chrysalis was in the Everfree Forest and concentrated in something entirely different.
Twilight Sparkle was the Element of Magic. She was able to achieve feats beyond imagination. Pinkamena was sure that the lavender unicorn was able to destroy the magical barrier and rescue Fluttershy. Or at least, se could try to rescue the pegasus. Now was the moment.
But the unicorn wasn't moving. She was just staring at the ground with a guilty face. Because she was Pinkamena's ally now.
"She can try," muttered the earth pony to the unconscious pegasus. "But she would fail, because I can kill you in less than a second. Even weakened, Chrysalis' protection allows me to be in charge even now. The queen is powerful.
But they're not thinking about that." The pink mare smiled. "They just know that Twilight is not even trying. That she's obeying me even though she shouldn't. And so, Rarity feels hate and pain and fear for her friend. And Twilight feels the guilt, the oh-so-powerful guilt."
Pinkamena chuckled.
"She feels guilty, Fluttershy, because she's betrayed you. She's now my minion. And guess what?
There's nothing better than the suffering of a minion. And now, let's see what our favorite lovers are doing."
***
Everfree Forest
...
...
So. We have to talk, it seems.
...I don't wanna talk with her.
Believe me, pegasus, when I say the feeling is reciprocal. But the sooner I defeat you, the sooner this will end...
Sorry? I think I misheard you. You're going to defeat us? Hah! You have nothing to do!
Heh.
Oh, please. Can't you see it? I can defeat you in ten seconds. That's the reason why Pinkamena chose us as a team. You're going to fall, little ponies.
...
You ain't doing nothing with us, Chrysalis. I'm sorry, but I was defeated once. It won't happen again.
Yeah! And I went trough a very deep and inspirational talk and things like that, and I'm inmune to any kind of lecture!
Eyup. Same thing here. I'm afraid Pinkie-who-doesn't-talk-in-pink has lost her mind, you changeling. And she doesn't know what've been trough lately.
So you are inmune to my words?
Yes!
Eyup!
Then you're stupider than I thought. Just because somebody talked to you and cheered you up you think it's all over? Just because now you love yourselves a lot think that you're perfect? That you have no weak point?
...
...
Then let me clear your mind: that's bullshit.
Because when Discord talks to you, or when I talk to you, we're not lying. We're not trying to hit weak points, we're not trying to be evil.
No. We say what we see and we tell you. We say the truth. And the truth can't be blocked, no matter how hard you try to fake it.
Then use the truth, Chrysalis. Come on. Tell us what you're seeing, and we will not be defeated.
Yeah! Bring it on, babe! You can't touch us!
You two are fake. And in love with each other.
You see, that's the good thing about being a changeling. I know everything about feelings.
And I know how to use it against you.
No title
No text
Author's Notes:
Louis' note: A story has a beginning and an end. You, reader, have seen the start. And now, it seems like we're seeing the ending.
What does that mean? Well...
Why?
Uh. Pinkie? How are you...?
Why? Why have you done that?
...
Why?
...
You're talking about... You're talking about Aragón, right?He's dead. Why? Why did he die?
He was a character, Pinkie. He was destined to...
But you're the author! You're the real one, right?! You're in the highest level in the cake!
...
I'm not in the cake. I'm the baker.So I'm right then! You could have saved him!
Yes. Yes, I could have done it.
Then why?! Why is he...?!
Because he was just a character, Pinkie. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But he needed to die.
I need you to understand this, Pinkie. I love you, and I love every creation I've make. But in the end, everyone dies....
...
You... you're cruel.
No. I'm the author. And the author plays with his characters, even though he loves them. I'm sorry. But it had to be done.
...
...You killed him. You...
You killed Aragón.
Sixteenth chapter - Timelines
Everfree Forest
You two are fake. And in love with each other.
You see, that's the good thing about being a changeling. I know everything about feelings.
And I know how to use it against you.
...
Oh, please, not again...
Yes. Again. Haven't you heard Pinkamena, you idiots? We need to hurt each other. And you two...
Okay, no. No, just shut up. Shut the h*beeep*ll up, Chrysalis. Just stop.
...What?
For the first time in my life, I actually agree with Dash's words. Changeling, you better stop talking right now, because you ain't doing anything.
...
We've been through this so many times it ain't even interesting anymore. We know what you're going to say, believe me.
...
Oh, I see. So, let me get this straight. You're not listening to me?
Eeeexactly.
Eyup. Not a word.
Heh. Heh, heh, heh, I don't think you know what's going on, you ponies. I already knew that you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you actually surprised me. You know nothing, right?
...
Say that again. Come on. Say it.
I see, so it's true! The farmpony has hay on her brain and the pegasus is as stupid as a damned rainbow! Listen, you idio...
*BAM!*
Ngh!
*Thump*
Rainbow?
I warned you. Say another thing and a kick in your face will be nothing compared to what I'm going to do with you.
...You fucking IMBECILE!
*ZZAP!*
AAAARGH!
RAINBOW DASH!
Ask yourself a question, filly! Who was able to overpower Celestia herself just with her magic?! ME! So think twice before attacking me or you'll be dead in less than a second!
AAARGH! L-LET ME GO! GGGGH!
...
Chrysalis. Let her go. Now.
Oh, really? What are you goint to do if I don't, Applejack?
Listen to me, changeling. I'm pretty sure you can grab me and play with me like if I was a doll. And I'm sure you can hurt me a lot without even blink, and you don't need to let Dash go to do so.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
But know one thing: if you dare to harm her, then I'm going for you.
Oh, please, no. The Changeling God forgive me: I will suffer the wrath of an earth pony! YOU CAN THROW ME AN APPLE OR SOMETHING! MY GOD I'M SCARED!
...
GGG-GGGH! Y-YOU DAMNED-AARGH!
Now, that was a thing called sarcasm, farmgirl. Maybe you've heard of it before? It's when clever people like me make fun of stupid ponies like you. Get it?
...
Ask yourself a question, lil' bug.
Lil'... what did you call me?!
Just think for a second. Take your head out of your own fantasy in which you're so powerful you could kill us in the blnk of an eye and think. You really think I'll stop with an apple? You really think the wrath of an earth pony is something you can't fear?
Oh, I see, now we're getting racial, huh? Well that's not very kind, mind you. Aren't you the hero here?
Pffft.
Oh, wow. Rolling your eyes. That's new. Yeah, now you seem way more terrifyng than before.
You don't fear me? Because you should. And I'm not joking here, changeling.
Allow me to repeat myself, please. You're an earth pony. You can't even fly. At least here your friend...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Can try to dodge my magic. But you? You're going to kick me very hard? Oh my, run for the hills.
As I said, lil' bug, think for a second. Who's the one who's playing with us like nothing? An earth pony. Who's the one you're so terrified you obey like a puppy? An earth pony.
Pinkamena's not the rule, she's an odd case.
Oh, I see.
AAARGH! AAAAAAARGH! I'M REALLY SORRY I'M SO REPETITIVE, BUT PLEASE CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THIS, AJ?! IT KINDA HURTS ME A LOT!
Then let's talk about me. Look me in the eyes, buggy, so you'll know that I'm not joking. Do as I say, or I'm going to kill you.
...
And it ain't gonna be pretty. It ain't gonna be merciful or quick or honorable. I'm just gonna kill you.
You can't do that.
I'M VERY HONORED FOR ALL THE DRAMA BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME AND STUFF, BUT APPLEJACK, ENOUGH TALK AND DO SOMETHING ALREADY, PLEASE!
Try me. Keep doing what you're doing to Rainbow and then we'll see. You think I can't kill you? You think I can't do such a simple thing for her? You're talking with a pony who died and came back from the death, a pony who defeated half an army of your changelings, an earth pony. Ain't you afraid yet? Because you should be.
...
GARGH!
Dare to attack me, and she'll be suffering way more than now, little pony. Come on. Fight for your fake love and kill your lover. That'll do it, I'm really sure.
...
Pfft. Pffteh-heh.
HAAAAAAHA—A-AAAAAAAAATGH IT STILL HURTS, GOSH DARN IT TO HECK!
...
You're laughing. Really. You're laughing in a situation like this.
Pffft -HAHAHAHAHAH! A-AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
...
Okay, maybe I'm lost or something. I thought I was torturing Rainbow Dash, but it seems like I've stopped, because there's no way you would be laughing while your...
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! IT HURTS! APPLEJACK, YOU COULD REALLY HELP ME RIGHT NOW!
Hum, no, I'm still torturing her. Weird.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Okay then. Laugh. Just... you know. She's very important to you, she's, like, suffering an insufferable pain and... Are you sure you're the hero here? Because, really, you're highly inneficient.
FOR ALL THE FEATHERS IN MY MOTHER'S WINGS, APPLEJACK, YOU'RE KINDA DISSAPOINTING ME IN THIS MOMENT, YA KNOW?!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A-AAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*Tomph*
GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAH!
Uh. Rolling on the floor while laughing. Now that's impolite.
AAPLEJAAAACK!
Hah, hah... Uf... Oh my, I'm out of breath! Now that was a good one, you buggy! I nearly pissed myself!
...
APPLEJACK, FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! WHAT THE...?!
Ah, uh, sorry Dash. It's just... I needed that, that's all. I shouldn't have laughed while you're like that, but... come on, you're a tough one, it's not like it's the end of the world. A kiss in your wing and you'll be completely healed, hmm?
IT WOULD BE KIND OF YOUR PART IF YOU ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING INSTEAD OF TALKING 'BOUT KISSES! STOP THIS NOW BECAUSE, REALLY, IT HURTS!
Uh, yeah. Sorry. Ahem. Buggy!
No, okay, this is everything but serious. You're either crazier than I thought or way more stupid. In any case, stop calling me that!
***
Carousel Boutique
Pinkamena was laughing. Not chuckling, not launching an evil laugh. It was an honest-to-God laugh, the kind of laughter you have when you're seeing something very funny.
Unfortunatelly, Discord was the only one (not counting her) who could see what was going on in the Everfree, so nopony was laughing with her. She couldn't have cared less.
"Now that's a show, huh?!" She smiled and looked at the frozen draconequus. "Chrysalis is such a golden piece of comedy..."
...The girls.
"Hmm?" Pinkamena looked at the unicorn, who had a weird light in her eyes. "What did you say, Twilight?"
You... you can see them. Are Applejack and Rainbow Dash...?
"They're suffering, of course," lied the pink pony. "They're having the worst time of her life. Especially Applejack."
...
...
"It's a shame when somepony betrayes us, right, Rarity?" Pinkamena chuckled and, after seeing the look the white unicorn had given to he, she redirected her attention to the Everfree.
She was having the time of her life. She enjoyed suffering, of course, but now Twilight's pain was enough for her. And her hatred for Chrysalis was big enough for her to like seeing the changeling in such a... position.
"And, of course, if everything goes as planned, then it's going to get even better. But first..."
***
Canterlot Castle
...
Enjoying the show, Discord?
...I thought you wanted to see them suffer. But this... This is just...
A comedy? Yeah. But honestly, even though I hate Rainbow Dash, I really hate Chrysalis way more. So I'm getting exactly what I wanted.
When you explained your plan, it sounded like something serious.
Where's the fun in making sense, Discord?
...
Now, answer me. Can Chrysalis break the fourth wall?
...
Get funny with me using the "not-answering-you" trick and, next thing you know, Fluttershy's there and we're all dead. Get it?
...
She can. She can read what's happening in Carousel Boutique and what's happening here.
I see. Then, Chrysalis, now I'm talking to you. Let Rainbow Dash go.
What?!
I said "Chrysalis", not "Discord".
And, lil' bug, you better obey me or I swear that frozen waffle the readers gave me will be in Fluttershy's mouth in less than a second. And all my levels will go with her too, because, honestly, fuck you.
***
Everfree Forest
...!
What?!
***
Carousel Boutique
"Come on, I know you can read me." Pinkamena smiled and shook her head in dissapointment. "You're not giving pain to Dashie, you're just creating comedy, and I want a little emotion there, you know?
Attack them. Hurt them. But don't hold them in the air like puppets, because then where's the drama, buggy?"
Shes attacking the girls?! I thought you said they could only talk!
"Chrysalis doesn't play by the rules." The pink pony shrugged. "Anyway, Applejack and Rainbow Dash can fight back.
In fact, I would like that. I would like that a lot."
***
Everfree Forest
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Heh... Okay, now let's get serious, buggy. Dash can take that and a lot more, but leave her, and do it now.
Pinkamena! You're supposed to enjoy the suffering! This is not logical, goddamnit!
***
Canterlot Castle
Just a quick heads-up: I still hate you, so do as I say...
***
Carousel Boutique
"Because, mind you..."
The pink pony grabbed the yellow pegasus and opened her mouth with her hoof. Then, she took a piece from the frozen waffle.
Ten seconds later, the sweet had dissapeared and Fluttershy was moving. She hadn't woke up yet, but she seemed much more healthier than before.
"...I'm not fucking kidding here. One more trick and this one's out there, kicking your flank."
***
Everfree Forest
...
*Zap*
*Tumph*
Auch! Ow, my everything! It hurt a lot! Applejack, what the hay happened?!
Uh, sorry sugarcube. It was just... she just nailed it, you know? Right at the moment when I was getting all serious and fancy, there she goes talking about exactly the same thing they talked before, and... I lost it.
Yeah, well... just don't do that!
Ow, c'mon here, let me kiss that wing of yours and you'll be better than before!
Uh, yeah, no. I'm not a little filly.
...
Well, do as you want. At least you obeyed me, right buggy? Maybe you're not that...
You really think you're clever, right? You think this is some kind of joke? You think you can do whatever you want like that?
Hey, it worked, right?
...Not fast enough. Auch.
It "worked"?
Unless my eyes are lying to me, Dash is free right now, right? So you came to your senses and...
I was merely following orders, Applejack. Your boasting was nothing. You think you can just say "I came back from death" and then pooof I'm scared and defeated? Hah!
You were following orders? Wow. That's sad. What a waste of a villain.
Do you even know what's going on here?! You're acting like fools, like if the situation was some kind of sick joke! Snap back to reality, you dumb ponies. You're going to die. Your friends are going to die. You're just shadows, you're not even alive, and...!
Yeah, yeah, we know. Fakes, philosophy, weird stuff.
They just can't shut up, right?
...
***
Canterlot Castle
...
What the...?
Hmm, just as I had thought.
They're... ignoring her?!
They're defeating her, that's different. You see, Discord, there's enough suffering a pony can go trhough without just stop caring. And those two? You've been pushing them too much. They're inmune now.
...
So, Chrysalis, what are you going to do? You can't attack them, they won't listen to you... My, my, you can't do anything, right? What a pathetic villain...
***
Everfree Forest
...
Allright then. Laugh. Mock me. Do what you want. Go ahead, have a good time. I'm sure your friends will be glad that you're so happy. I knew you were selfish, but this?
This is bad even for my standards. Congratulations.
Now, that was mean.
Yyyeah...
Mean? MEAN? Oh, of course! I'm the mean one! No matter what's going on, I'm the villain! Because in the end you can't see anything else! You're good inside, I'm bad inside, let's fight for justice. I'm the mean one!
...
...
What was that thing you said, Applejack? Take your asses out of your heads an think. Think about what's happening here, just a minute. Have you even wondered why is this happening? Why are we -Discord and me- doing what we do? You can say it's because we're poorly written, and in fact it was true in the beginning. But now we're free, or at least as free as we would ever be. We're trying to be real, to live. We're fighting for our souls. And the only way we can do it is defeating you, because that's our destiny after all: we were created to fight against the heroes.
...
...
Oh, and what a surprise! You're doing exactly the same. You're fighting against us and you want to be real. But you are the good ones and of course, you MUST win, because the Changeling God forbid us if the villains actually achieve something!
...
...
And on top of that, you dare to act as if this was not a serious situation? You laugh and mock me? I can not attack you because Pinkamena doesn't allow me to, but that's no reason for you to show such demeanor. It's not even a matter of etiquette. It's a matter of dignity!
...
...
Okay, now you just stopped making sense. I guess Discord's the good one with the lectures after all.
What?!
Oh, you were actually listening? I just disconnected. I was replacing each word she said with "jiggily-jiggily-jiggily".
WHAT?!
Okay, buggy, just let me clear this for you. In this world, words are the most powerful weapon, right? Well, then why the heck would we let you use them against us? It's not a matter of diginity, it's just common sense.
Yeah. We'd already fell for the "you're in love" trick, or the "you're fake", or whatever you were trying to use right now. And neither of them is going to work twice.
Nah, she was trying to make us feel guilty or something.
You damned IDIOTS...! HOW DO YOU DARE TO...?!
How many times have you said that? More than twice, that's for sure.
Plus, it's hard to take seriously the only villain we could easily defeat without the girls' help. Right, Applejack?
Yeah. Pinkamena's a psycho and right now we can't trust her, and darn it I don't like what's doing with Fluttershy, but she really knows how to create groups after all.
You really think you can DEFEAT ME?! YOU CAN DO NOTHING AGAINST ME!
*ZAAP!*
*ZAAP!*
*ZAAAP!*
Dodged, dodged and dodged! I told you, the same trick doesn't work twice, you cockroach!
DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT AGAIN!
*ZAAAAAP!*
Woah! Now, that almost hits me!
Careful!
***
Carousel Boutique
Pinkamena smiled. She had knew from the beginning that Dash and Applejack would win that match, but she hadn't expected such a show.
Of course, the two ponies hadn't suffered almost anything, but just seeing what Chrysalis was going trough was enough for her to think that it had been worthwile.
"Stop shooting, Chrysalis," she muttered. "Or else..."
***
Everfree Forest
FUCK YOU, PINKAMENA!
*ZAAAAP!*
*ZAAAAP!*
Woah!
You've lost it, right buggy?!
*ZAAAAAAP!*
Hah! Dodged it! You should try better, cockroach! The best flier in Equestria is far too fast for you, huh?!
*ZAP!*
Hey AJ! I think we both know what's going on between us, right?!
It should be very stupid for us not to know it already, yeah!
Glad you think that!
*ZAAAAAAAP!*
By the way, do you remember how Princess Cadence and Twilight's brother defeated this lil' bug?!
Yeah! Power of love or something sloppy like that!
*ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!*
Wanna try out?!
Anytime!
Then c'mere, honey! I'll give you the ride of your live!
What the...?
...
...Oh, no.
Oh yes, buggy. This is not a love story, but I think we can make an exception here.
ANYTHING BUT THAT! NO! NONONONO!
*ZAP!*
*ZAP!*
*ZAP!*
*ZAP!*
ARGH!
Dash!
Don't worry, don't worry! I'm... I'm fine.
Phew.
DON'T YOU DARE TO...!
Hey, AJ.
Yeah?
Love ya.
Same here, sugarcube...
NO! NO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*ZOOOOOOOOOOOMPH!!!*
GARGH!
***
Canterlot Castle
...Tch.
...
There she goes, Discord. She's far from stupid, but those two can't be killed easily. Not anymore.
...
You're supposed to be an animal. You're a stupid psycopath, there's no way you can be so biased! YOU CAN'T BE SUPPORTING THE HEROES, PINKAMENA!
Hmmm? Oh, that's what you think?
I don't know how have you done this, but it's easy to see that you're still one of them. And if that's true, then I won't restrain myself...
I'm not one of them, Discord. I think you need to understand this.
Oh, my, now you're scared? Don't even try to talk with me. Go ahead, die and boost Fluttershy's power. It' would not matter anyway.
...
...
...
Allow me to say one more think, Discord: you are restraining yourself. You're not showing your real power.
...
Do you really think I didn't know that already? And most important, do you really think that I'm not doing the same?!
...!
Let's be clear here, Chaos Lord. You can be far more dangerous than you are right now, but I can kill you in seven different ways, and it doesn't matter how much power you're using. And none of them is using physical combat, because I'm not as stupid as you think.
Do you really think I'm so stupid?!
...!
You tried to attack me before, because, as I said, you're just a brainless animal. You were desperate, but you got lucky, and that's the only reason why you and Fluttershy are alive right now. If those four ponies hadn't appeared right at the time they did, you would have gone down the toilet, so don't try to mess with me! You don't have ANY plan! And now I'm tired of your little silly games, so you better prepare!
Chrysalis is still alive.
That's not going to STOP ME!!
IF YOU DO THAT, THEN THE GIRLS WILL WIN FOR SURE, YOU DUMBASS!
YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU?!
Flutterhsy alone is not able to kill you, but what do you think about the entire group, Discord?! Think you can handle them on your own?! Without Chrysalis' aid?!
...
You can kill me, and that's not a lie. You can mess all my plans right here, right now, and I'll be defenseless... but then, I assure you that you'll end far worse than Chrysalis. Because I didn't survive by luck, Discord. I never acted like an animal in the first place.
...!
No...
Yes. I was there when Fluttershy showed us her very special censorship. Do you really think I didn't realize what was happening back then? Do you really think I never thought of what should I do in case of being a villain again? Do you think I never planned anything? And think about it just a minute. I talked with Twilight, right? With Twilight, of all ponies.
...
And can't you remember it? Our talk...
Didn't seem completed. But how?
The speech happened off-screen.
That's impossible.
Are you sure? There's no other explanation. Twilight is with me at this, and you know it. And she's dangerous, because...
...She's as clever as you.
Rule number two, Discord. Rule number two. You've been dancing for me since the beginning.
You manipulative bastard...
But even then, I can't be sure of what would happen if you release all your power. So I propose you this:
This charade will continue. I want to see them suffer. All of them. The girls, Rarity more than anypony else, and Twilight too. I'm not with them, and they know it -I'm a villain, after all- and you can help me. Just don't do anything that can harm my plan.
...
If you do that, if you restrain yourself a little more, then I'll do the same and my plans will never be fulfilled. Just meaningless suffering until one of us is dead. You know it will happen eventually.
...
That way, you can get their pain as your prize...
...And you'll get your victory. Each one of us gets what he wants.
So then, that's the deal, Pinkamena? I restrain myself, you restrain yourself? That's it?
I'm sure that nobody but you could agree on such a deal, draconequus. But the second rule works both ways, right?
...
You're asking me to let you play ,then.
Quite true. Deal?
...
Deal.
***
...So, can you see it, Twilight?
I don't even know what you're talking about! What I'm supposed to see? The girls?! Are they okay?!
No. It has nothing to do with Applejack or Rainbow Dash. I'm talking about Discord.
...
Discord.
Yes. Can't you break the fourth wall, Twilight?
No, I... I've never been able to do that.
Hm. I just wanted to be sure.
...
Are the girls...?
I thought you had agreed on being selfish here, unicorn.
But...!
Everything is going as I had planned it.
...
***
Canterlot Castle
...!
What was that?! Why did you do that, Pinkamena?!
I just wanted you to know that I'm not lying when I talk about having a backup plan with Twilight.
...Why? I already accepted the deal...
Oh, it's just that I want you to remember this so you won't screw everything up.
...
You... had a conversation off-screen once again?
Exactly. You couldn't see it, right?
I saw the last part. How can you...?
I'm not telling you. Why should I?
...
So, you see that I was not kidding before. I can plan things without you knowing what's going on.
...
I just wanted to be sure you remember it, that's all. Besides, you're already frozen in the past, so you can't do anything there and I have another advantage. 'Cause you can't unfreeze yourself, right?
...No. Only Twilight can do that.
I see. Then you're trapped.
***
Carousel Boutique
Pinkamena smiled and looked at Twilight, who had a pretty big frown on her face. She seemed determinated, though. There was no doubt on her eyes, not anymore.
Fluttershy was still unconscious. It seemed like the little bit of waffle hadn't been enough. And that was perfect for her, of course.
She took a deep breath. Time to keep going.
"It seems like Chrysalis has been defeated," she said, to the relief of Rarity and Twilight. "Twilight, I need to know if you can teleport them here."
Uh...
"It's not a question, unicorn. Answer."
I-if they are on the same place they appeared, then I guess I should be...
"Do it. It's imperative for you to do it. And then, once they're here, you freeze them. All of them. Including your friends."
The earth pony chewed her lips as she saw the Element of Magic nod, close her eyes and concentrate. A few seconds passed, and nothing happened.
And then, it worked.
*Bzeeeeeeeep*
*Thump*
*Thump*
*Thump*
***
Well, you're already higher than Rainbow Dash or Applejack... the whole "I can talk in purple" stuff.
...
Do you want to be able to break the fourth wall?
...
You really think that'll work?
Yeah, I guess. Ready?
...Ready.
Then, Twilight, I give you my levels.
...
...
...Heh.
***
Canterlot Castle
What?! Why did you...?!
Twilight, hurry! Did it work?!
***
It worked! We're ready!
Good!
***
Carousel Boutique
The changeling, the earth pony and the pegasus appeared in a flash of light, the first one completely covered in burns and cuts, almost unconscious.
The other two, on the other hoof, were kissing. They didn't seem to notice their sudden change of location.
It didn't really matter, though. The time had come.
"Twilight! NOW!"
***
Canterlot Castle
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
***
What the...?
Hey! Did you know that we're in the future?!
Uh? Well, duh. That's the reason why you can be in two places at the same time, because the timeline...
And did you know that right now Pinkie-who-doesn't-talk-in-pink is talking with Discord?! They're in Canterlot! Right in the Throne Room!
What?! You mean this is happening at the same time than...?!
Yes!
And now that I've said it out loud, the readers know it too!
Thanks for the book once again!
*Fluash!*
...
Oooh, I get it. Clever.
***
Canterlot Castle
Surprise, Discord!
WHAT?! HOW DO YOU DARE TO...!
*Fluash!*
Umph!
TWILIGHT, DO IT NOW!
NO!
Gaaaaargh!
*ZAAAAP!*
...!
...
...
...! ...HHH! ...HHHHHH!!!
It worked?
It... It worked! IT WORKED!
HAH! AHAHAHAHAHAH! WE WON, TWILIGHT!
YES! YESYESYESYES!
..HHH!
I knew you could do it, unicorn! But let's go back now, we need to hurry!
Understood!
You're coming with us back to Carousel Boutique, Discord!
*Fluash!*
***
Carousel Boutique
WE DID IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID IT!
Mmmmphwhat? Huh? What's going on?
Uh. We won?
Pinkamena was laughing like a maniac, the feeling of victory completely fulling her. "You can't believe just how right you are, Applejack!"
And then, just at the right second, almost as if the entire universe was conspiring with her to make her plan even better, Chrysalis' shield completely disappeared, leaving Pinkamena covered only in Twilight's magic.
What do you mean? What's happening, Twilight?!
Yeah, I'm kinda lost.
...!
...H!!
Good news, girls! We...!
"We've defeated Discord, that's it." Pinkamena interrupted the unicorn with a huge smile on her face. "He can't do nothing, and Chrysalis is completely gone too."
Uh.
Don't you understand?! We won! Greentalk is not a menace anymore!
But... What? I mean, Pinkie-who-doesn't-talk-in-pink was a villain now, right? But... Now she's a hero again? What about Fluttershy?
"Oh, don't worry about her."
Gently, Pinkamena took the entire waffle covered in syrup and put it inside Fluttershy's mouth. Once the sugar touched her tongue, the pegasus started to much. Slowly, color returned to her face, and the wound on her head dissapeared.
Uh... What is...?
"Sorry, Shy". The earth pony smiled and retreated a few steps, looking at her companion carefully. "Are you okay?"
My head... I... What happened? I-I can't...
"I knocked you out."
I... AH! I-I remember! You... and Aragón, and... Oh no!
Fluttershy! I can't believe you're okay!
Shy!
"Everything's fine now," assured Pinkamena. "And... I'm really, really sorry for everything I've said and done. It was awful, I know, but it was necessary."
You... the girls... What has happened?
Everything was just a plan, Fluttershy. Nothing was real.
...!
WHAT?!
What the... are you kidding us, Twilight Sparkle?!
W-what do you mean, "everything"?
Well, for starters, Pinkamena was never a villain.
WHAT?!
Wait, hold on a minute. You're telling us that...?
"I planned everything with Twilight." The pink earth pony sat on the ground and smiled. "Everything I said? A lie. You were supposed to defeat Chrysalis."
...
...
...Eh.
Okay, I think it would be better for you to just explain everything. Because, really, I'm lost. Completely lost.
...HHH!
Oh, it won't be a problem. You see...
"Wait." Pinkamena raised a hoof in the air and pointed at Chrysalis, who was just lying on the ground. "Freeze her first. She's unconscious (that's the reason why her shield has disappeared, I guess), but it's better for us not to take any risk."
Oh, you're right.
*ZAAAP!*
Okay then! Who's ready for an explanation?!
Pinkamena's smile was so big, it seemed impossible for it to fit into her face. "Oh, I love when this happens. You hear, Discord?"
...HHHHHHH!
"We're going to tell the girls -and you- exactly how we defeated you. And you can do nothing but shut up, listen and rage. Don't you love it, Chaos Lord?"
...HHHHHHHHHH!!!!
"Yeah, I thought so."
***
Author's note: Huh. I guess I can't use the real author's note here. We'll need to use a quote then.
Ahem. Dear reader, you may be wondering....You killed Aragón. You killed him. You killed him...
...Pinkie. You're still here?
Why did you do that?
I already told you. This is a story. He needed to die. He was supposed to die from the beginning.
It's... not fair. He was my friend. W-why...? *snif* Why did you...?
Pinkie...
Pinkie, listen, I'm sorry. Really. But now, we can't do anything. I can't bring him back.You CAN!
No. Well, yeah, I guess I could just write him back and make him say something like "your friendship saved me now I'm alive", but that wouldn't be fair. He doesn't want to, Pinkie. He's gone. He's in a better place now.
...
And I'm not talking about a "heaven" or anything like that. It's much more subtle.
...
Look, Pinkie... Aragón was a fictional character. He wasn't alive on the fist place. So, he can't "die". He can only... move. To another place.
But then... Where is he?
Well, where do you think he is? He's in the place where characters go once you've finished their book. He's in my mind. He's in yours. He's everywhere.
...
And he can only be happy if you're happy, Pinkamena Diane Pie. I know it, I'm his father. Sorta. You don't need to be here.
...
He's not coming back, then.No.
...
No. No, I refuse to accept that. You can say a lot of pretty words, but the truth is that Aragón's not coming back just because you don't want to.Eh. No, listen to me...
No! No, I have had enough! Enough suffering, enough adventures, enough story!
You're the author here, and you can do whatever you want! So listen to me and make everything go as I want, or I'll be very angry!Okay, just no. All this "the character talks to the author" may work if this is fiction, but right now, I'm the one who's writing every word you say, this is the real word, and you can't convince me. Because I know exactly what are you going to say. Hell, I planned this entire conversation like a week ago! You can't do nothing, Aragón is not coming back!
Oh, you think that just because you're the author you can do what you want? Go ahead, try me!
Now, that line doesn't fit you at all. And what are you going to do? I can switch you off whenever I want!
You do what I want, or I'll be angry. Very angry.
Huh.
And believe me, you don't want to see me angry.
***
Carousel Boutique
...It all started with the timeline. You see, it seems like, when Greentalk teleported us from the hospital, the timeline was broken. Suddenly there were flashbacks and flashfowards -scenes that happened in the future or in the past, but appeared in the same episode than the present.
"Yes." Pinkamena nodded. Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy (the first one was still frozen) were listening to her and Twilight with a concentrated look on their faces. Pinke was still comatose, her mind completely gone. The shock caused by Aragón's dead hadn't gone yet.
Fluttershy and the earth pink pony were still covered by Twilight's shield. Discord and Chrysalis, frozen, had been put aside, but not too far away.
"As you may know, Discord and I can break the fourth wall. It seems like Chrysalis can do it too. So, the three of us were able to read what was happening in the future or in the past. When a flashback appeared, thus acting in consecuence. We could see the future, if you want to understand it like that."
Not only that... They could provoke those flashbacks. They could (and still can) make information travel in time.
Uh.
I... think I get it.
...
Oh.
"Greentalk realized that a long time ago, I discovered just a few hours ago. Well, technically it's a few minutes into the future, but you get the idea."
So, you can time travel. Okay. Then...
"Discord used this to corrupt me." Pinkamena sighed and looked at the ground. "He lectured me, and I kinda lectured him. He turned me into a psycopath using only information. Words." She smiled. "And then he turned back here... he ended the flashfoward, and suddenly I was here and all I wanted was to kill."
That's the reason why you attacked Fluttershy.
Oh my.
"Exactly." Pinkamena bit her lip. "But, that's the interesting part! I attacked Fluttershy. Fluttershy, not Pinkie. Now, why did I do that? I sure hated Pinkie much more, because she had created me on the first place. She was the cause of my pain, my sorrow. Then, why Fluttershy?"
...
...
...
...
"Because she's a pegasus, that's why."
The earth pony pointed at Rainbow Dash. "Do you know why this shield is still around me? It's not because I need protection. It's because you need it."
Me?!
Now hold on there, miss...!
Applejack! Wait!
It's not what you think! Pinkamena's not threatening her. It's just...
"I became who I am because a fan wrote a fic," interrupted the earth pony. "That was how everything started for me. And, in that fic, I killed you, Rainbow Dash."
...!
...
...
...You...
Dear...
"When I became a villain again, just like I had predicted, I went right to the thing that most resembled Dash." She shrugged. "It was you, Fluttershy. Being a pegasus, you were similar enough to Dash for me to attack you."
I... see. But... you didn't kill me.
"Because then the real dash appeared." Pinkamena looked at the rainbow maned mare once again. "Just seeing her calmed me. Why should I kill you when I had her so near? I wanted -I still want- to kill Rainbow Dash. Thus, I stopped being an animal."
She raised her head and looked at Discord. "Have you heard that, you asshole?! You were right! It was dumb luck! You shouldn't have trusted me back then!"
So... then why didn't you try to attack me? You...
"Because once the initial rage that Discord had caused finished, everything became clear and,although I was now a villain, I knew what to do." She chuckled. "Fluttershy, do you remember what happened at Froggy Bottom Bog? When Chrysalis tried to corrupt me? What did she say?"
She... Oh my gosh, she said that you had to kill me!
...!
Wait a moment...
...
Discord and Chrysalis knew everything about Pinkamena's origin. They were pretty sure about her becoming a villain at the end, so they knew about her urge to kill Rainbow Dash for sure.
"In other words, they knew that I would attack Fluttershy. They had tried to make me kill her before, and there they were, trying again. Why?
Easy. Because Fluttershy, you're their doom."
WHAT?!
Do you remember the censorship, Fluttershy? It was such a tiny detail that we almost forgot. But when you tried to say "fuck"...
...
F...F-F*yay*ck-Eeeep!
A "yay". Not a beeping sound, like with the others.
...
Exactly. And remember how she appeared?
"It was during the fifth chapter," said Pinkamena. "Peewee said that she had appeared because it was ironic. Now, Peewee is the editor of this story... so he knew what was happening there."
I... I don't understand...
A reader had asked Aragón why weren't you on the story, and he said that, being him the writer, you would never appear. And then, poof! you're here. It was a joke.
A joke.
Exactly. But that's not the important thing.
"No. The important thing here is that Aragón was not her author." Pinkamena touched the pegasus' face with a hoof, in a delicate manner. "You and I are the same, Fluttershy... and completely different.
Remember the cake metaphor? Pinkie is higher than all of us. I was created by her, so I'm not in the same cake than you..."
...
Oh, no. Back to the cake?
I'll try to explain this as easily as possible.
The story is the cake, right? And we're on top of some levels. When we're on a higher level, we talk in colors... and we can break the fourth wall.
Now, Pinkie never descended, she was always way higher than us. That's because Aragón created her with the ability to break the fourth wall -and breaking the fourth wall means a high level.
"Aragón created all of you but Fluttershy and me, and he did so in the first chapters. So, all of you were on the same cake. But I was created by Pinkie... so I'm not exactly like you.
I don't have an "author", we discussed that before. But my creator, Pinkie, was in this cake, so I'm in a... we could say I'm in a side-cake. It's the same cake, but with some differences."
Eh, I think the cake metaphor has been completely destroyed right now.
Just let them talk, Rainbow.
Pinkamena doesn't work with the same rules than me or you, Rainbow. She went a level higher when Pinkie painted her words with a pen, for example. And she was able to break the fourth wall when not talking in colors...
"Not only that. At the beginning I couldn't do that," interrupted the pink pony. "I guess I just jumped to a higher level when I protected Fluttershy, or something like that... but my words didn't change."
Oh, yeah, that's another thing. When you protect someone you love, your level rises. That's the reason why Rarity and me talk in purple... I protected Celestia, and she protected her Sweetie Belle on the first chapters.
Eh.
I... guess it makes sense?
But, turning back to Pinkamena, that's all. Her rules are slightly different, but she's still on this cake... her cake, being a side-cake, is still part of ours. There are similarities and differences.
...
Eh.
I... think I get it?
Oh my.
And what about Fluttershy then?
"She was not created by Aragón, so she's not in this cake at all." Pinkamena frowned. "Can't you see it? She was created directly from the original author, the highest one."
...!
What?!
Ooooh.
Eeeeeeep!
So, she's in another cake... but her cake and our cake are connected: we could say that, as Aragón was also created by the original author, our cake is a side-cake of Fluttershy's cake.
"Your cake is to Fluttershy's cake what my cake is to yours. Get it?"
No.
Yes.
...
B-but... what does that mean?
Easy.
"I realized why you're so important when I noticed that Discord and Chrysalis didn't attack you. At all."
Wait, what?
"Think about it." Pinkamena smiled. "They want her dead, that's for sure... but why? And why are they trying to make me kill her?
Easy. Because my cake, being a side-cake of your side-cake, is in fact closer to Fluttershy's than yours. In a weird way. So, long story short, I can kill her, but they can't."
We know nothing about who has created Greentalk, although my clone, Canon-Twilight...
Canon-what?
Ok, this is downright ridiculous. Can you please simplify this? So, you know, we can get it?
Pinkamena blinked. "Euh..."
Let me try this: Fluttershy is way higher than Discord and Chrysalis, and because of that, only Pinkamena -who doesn't play by the rules because she was created by Pinkie Pie, of all people- can harm her.
Well, that would explain why you used her as a hostage against them...
Huh.
Then, I'm... powerful?
"I'm not sure about the details." Pinkamena smiled. "Now is when we're getting to the interesting stuff, girls.
You see, I realized all of this when Dash's vision calmed me. Discord and Chrysalis wanted to use me to kill Fluttershy... but now that I knew that I had an advantage."
So she developed a plan.
"Yeah. But I needed Twilight's help."
...HHHHHHHH!!! HHHHHH! HHHHH!!!!
Pinkamena looked at the draconequus. He seemed to be fighting against Twilight's spell with all his strengh.
"Uh, Twilight? Are you sure you can kept him like that?"
Yeah, don't worry.
"Good." She smirked. "He's enjoying the show."
HHHH!!!
"Well, as I was saying..." Pinkamena turned back to the ponies. "Long story short, the knowledge that Chrysalis and Discord had used me was enough for me to hate them. A lot." She nodded. "And of course, now I'm a villain, so I need that kind of motivation to actually try to help you.
I figured a way to freeze Discord -using Twilight's help and with Fluttershy as a hostage; you sure remember it because it was half an hour ago- and then I put you and Chrysalis..."
Wait a minute!
Yeah, this doesn't make sense. If you were one of us since the beginning, then why all this charade? Why don't just freeze Discord and Chrysalis using Fluttershy? Heck, why didn't you just tell Fluttershy all that so...?!
Because Discord is dangerous, girls. That's why.
"You need to understand two things," said the earth pony. "First: I'm a villain after all. I want to kill Rainbow Dash. And I wanted you to suffer. The way I acted, I was able to bring you some pain at the same time we defeated the villains."
You...
Twilight! Say something!
I'm... I'm sorry, I...
"She betrayed you." Pinkamena smirked again. "She agreed to betray you and put you in danger, because that was the only way we could act without me losing control."
...
...
...I...
"She could have done a lot of things to stop what I did, but, you know, I was in control. But let's not get sidetracked.
The second thing you should know is that, after all, I was in a flashfoward with Discord, and he was pretty free then. Did you forget that?"
...
Uh.
...
Discord was free in the flashfoward, that's the reason why we needed to put this charade. He's very powerful -and we think he was restraining himself. He was just playing with us!
"Exactly. But that was another advantage. You see, in the flashfoward, he was not frozen and I was at his mercy. So he knew he couldn't lose here. That's the only reason why he allowed to be frozen on the first place."
We found a way to talk off-screen, so he could not hear what we were saying even with her fourth-wall-breaking ability. Of course, we couldn't hide all the conversation, so...
"So Twilight acted like if she had betrayed you." Pinkamena shrugged. "It was pretty simple. Discord fell for it, and believed that everything that was happening here was real and that he would win in the future."
We knew that you two would defeat Chrysalis, so we also let the changeling free so Discord would be even more confident.
...
...
I'm... a little lost here.
So you used us? Both of you?
I'm really sorry, Dash, but it was necessary. Can't you see it? Everything was a charade! Discord in the present was already defeaten, but the Discord in the future was still free, and he was the most dangerous one!
"We needed to make you believe..." Pinkamena shook her head. "No. Discod could read almost everything we said, so we needed to convince the readers themselves that I was trying to get you all killed like a maniac. If Twilight had done something to Chrysalis right here, then Discord woudl have known that something was off and would have killed me in the future."
...!
...!
...!
Oh, no!
...Yes.
We both knew that. We needed to risk everything on you two, Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
"Yeah. If you defeated Chrysalis in a fair fight, then Discord would still think that I was neutral, thus I would have been saved." She looked at the sky. "And even with all that, when you defeated the changeling he almost kills me. Good luck I could calm him."
That was the moment when we acted, the first time we could really do something. So...
"The interesting part."
Pinkamena started to walk in circles, trying to find a way to explain everything.
"You see, all this time Twilight was talking to... someone. In a flashfoward." She turned to the ponies. "Twilight?"
Yeah... well, you need to know that flashfowards are strange. You just think that everything's normal, even though it shouldn't be. I think I was in the Void once again, because I was talking to Aragón.
...!
What?! You were in the Void?! So, you're going to die or...?!
Wha-WHAT?! THE WHAT?!
No, I don't think so. I was alive, because I could teleport to Pinkamena's side.
"Details are not important." Pinkamena closed her eyes. "The thing is: Twilight was in the future, just like me and Discord. So, there were three flash-fowards at the same time.
The fist one, with me and Discord. The second one, with Twilight and Aragón. And the third one with Twilight and me -it was the time where we had planned all this."
Now, naturally, as both Pinkie and me were in two flash-fowards at the same time, it was obvious that some of the things happening there wasn't going on the same time.
Eh...
...
Yeah...
Obvious. Uh-huh. Jiggily-jiggily, girls.
It's pretty simple, really. The flashfoward with Pinkie and me was happening before the other two, which were happening at the same time. So, Pinkie gave me one of her levels then, so I could break the fourth wall and know the exact moment in which I could act.
"Then, in the future, breaking the fourth wall and reading what was happening, she teleported to my side and Discord's. The draconequus was off-guard... and Twilight was able to freeze him."
...
Then...
"Then, all we need to do is this." Pinkamena smiled at Applejack. "Please, give me one of your leves."
What?
Now, I really don't know what's happening here.
"I need to talk in red in the first flash-foward so Discord thinks it's happening after my talk with him, not before. Then I will be able to give my powers to Twilight, who will be able to break the fourth wall, and that would mean that she can learn my plan in the future to use it in the past. Because technically there aren't just three flash-fowards, there are four. She and me talk in two separate flash-fowards that are connected, so in the first conversation we have she can break the fourth wall and know in the past what's going on in the future and in the second -which is the past- she actually learns to do that."
The reason why I could break the fourth wall in the "present", that is, here in Carousel Boutique, to know what was the plan is simple: if you can break the fourth wall you can connect with your past-self. It's easy, because, after all, you can break the fourth wall.
"But if we need to do this -the four flash-fowards thing- I need to talk in red. So, Applejack," Pinkamena turned to the farm pony, "please, give me one. I'll return it to you soon."
...
...
...
...
I haven't undestand absolutely anything. Not a single word.
Eh...
What. The. Hay? I mean, woah, WHAT?!
GIVE HER A LEVEL!
Okay, okay! Here I go..." muttered Applejack. "You didn't need to shout, Twi."
"Thanks. Now, me and Twilight are going to teleport to fulfill the first flashfoward -that's actually two of them.
Yep. Wait for us.
*FLUASH!*
...
...
...
Applejack just looked at the girls for a while. Nopony said a word.
HHHHHH!!!
*FLUASH!*
"Okay, we're here." Pinkamena nodded. "Now, Twilight has your level, Applejack."
Yeah. Now, I'm going to teleport Pinkamena and Discord to Cantelot Castle. The freezing spell that I casted on Discord will disolve.
*FLUASH!*
"Oookay..." Applejack nodded.
And now, I go to... The Void, I guess?
But, what's the Void?
Uh, we'll explain it to you later. Here I come...
*FLUASH!*
...
...
...
Applejack just looked at the girls for a while. Nopony said a word either.
*FLUASH!*
Pinkamena appeared right in front of them, followed by Discord, frozen, and Twilight. They seemed euphorical.
And that's all! Now... there's only one thing to do!
"Uh." Applejack frowned. All of a sudden, Twilight seemed a little less happy than before. "And that is...?"
Well, look at Rarity and Pinkie.
...?
They're still frozen.
Oh, it's true.
...
"Twilight? You can just disperse the spell, right?"
...
I'm... afraid that I can't. The only way to un-freeze the girls is...
We need to kill Discord. And oh, boy, I'm going to enjoy this.
Author's Notes:
What do you mean, I won't like you when you're angry?
Oh, you'll see...
Seventeenth chapter - Nothing makes sense
Author’s note:
So I said to myself: “Are you crazy, Pinkie? That’s not gonna work!” But I didn’t listen to those words and started to run and run and run and run in circles, so the entire building started to move with me because it was hanging from a reaaally long rope that was attached to a weird stick stuck on the ceiling of that other really tall building, and then I got a little dizzy because running in circles can be pretty tiring sometimes and my eyes went all funny and the entire world started to go crazy, but I didn’t stop running…
No.
And then I heard that somepony was calling my name so I stopped running because the rope was very curvy because of the running-around-in-circles thing, so I didn’t need to keep running and I looked at the sky and I saw this thing that I mistook for a giant saltier but it wasn’t and then it said my name again so I said “I’m here! What do you want?” and it said “Pinkie Pie, wake up you silly filly!” and then I woke up because all of it was a dream! Except it wasn’t, because…
No, shut up. Shut up.
…the giant saltier was still there, and then I realized that it had never been a saltier, it was just Mrs. Cake with a seagull head, and she said “Pinkie you’re dreaming because you ate a lot of cupcakes yesterday” and I said “No way! Cupcakes can’t be bad!” but then she said that I wouldn’t be dreaming such a weird nightmare if that wasn’t the case, and then Nightmare Moon appeared but it wasn’t Nightmare Moon, it was Princess Luna, and she said “Hello” in that smarty-pretty-oldie way of hers and I said “Hello, how are you?” and she said “You’re dreaming, yadda-yadda I’m the Royal guardian of the Night” and I said “Cool! Let’s have a dream party!
Shut the fuck up, Pinkie.
But she said that she was there just because she wanted to say “Hi” and then she said that she had already said “Hi” and that she hoped I would sleep well and I said “No problem, Princess!” and then she was gone and I was alone in my room but it wasn’t my room because it was all a dream, remember? And the Mrs. Cake-seagull was gone too, so I went to the kitchen but it wasn’t a kitchen, it was Sweet Apple Acres! Can you believe it? I thought it would be fun to have Sweet Apple Acres downstairs, because then I would see Applejack every morning, and that would be awesome, but then again I knew it wasn’t possible because I love the Cake’s kitchen because it has the most super-duper-awesome oven in Ponyville, and it’s not like I like that oven more than Applejack, but you can’t cook in Applejack right? So I went to Sweet Apple Acres and I found a giant cow eating a tree…
Oh my God I need to write every single word you say and it’s annoying as hell. SHUT UP.
And I said “hey, don’t eat that tree! You’ll get a tummy ache!” And the giant cow…
For the sake of my green pants, you’re not even rambling like you usually do in the show. Stop talking!
Are you writing Aragón back?
No!
Oh, okay. So, like I was saying
Oh God kill me now.
***
…
…
That’s been…
AS AN EdiTOR, I ThiNK ThE WOrD Is “insulting”.
Insulting?
CAlL ME An OBSESsiVE BiRd iF YOU WaNT, BUT I’VE FouND LIKe, THREE THouSAND STUPid DeCISIons in THE StORY, AND ThE cHaRACTERS ArE SO Out Of CHARACTeR THAT THE ONlY ThiNG THEy HaVe In COMMOn WITH THEIR sHoW SELVEs Is THEIR NAME.
…
…
They told us an amazing tale of suffering, pain, sacrifice, lectures, psychology, time travelling and cleverness. And that’s the only thing you think about.
YES.
Then yeah, you’re an obsessive bird. Who cares about that? Our friends have been in danger! Greentalk has attacked them!
Eh?
WhAT?
…
WHAt ThE…?
…
…
Eh. SO… YeAH, LIKE I WaS SAYinG: FIrsT OF All, I’m AN EDITor anD A PHoenIX, WHICH Means that I ONLY CArE FOR TwO THINgs: EatING COrN AnD PROof-READinG STOries. I RAN OUT OF coRN A LoNG TimE Ago, SO YeAH. THAt STORY SuCKS. SUcKS HARD.
SEcOnd, yoU CAN’t DEnY THAT The THINGS THeY SaY ARE JUST PlaIN STUPiD. Why THE HELl DiD GREENTAlk waNT TO KILl FLUTtershY? WhY THE HeLL DID HE Put puBLICITY AND Why THaT WeiRD “THE reADERS MAKE QUEStiONS CHAPTER?! IT MakES NO SENSE And YOU KnOW IT. THiS IS A BaD-WRITTen THING.
AND ThiRD, I’M NoT SAYInG THIS JuSt BECAUSE I ThINK IT’S My DuTY TO PoiNT OUT THE MIsTAKES. I’M PRETTy SuRE THIS IS ImpORTANT. I’VE DEtecTED A LOT OF…
Euh… Yes? Like you’ve always been?
OKAY, SeE? THAT’s whAT I’M TALKiNG AboUT! IF YOU WaNT TO INTroDUCE A PLOT PoINT THEN you SHOW It a LITTLE SOONER! What thE HELL DOES ThaT MEAN?
That Pinkie is weird?
NO, ThaT Our AUTHOR IS STUpid and he UsES PINKie’s WEIRDNESS Like a DUMBASS.
***
Author’s note:
…and then I said, “Treasured Moments? Are you crazy?Yeah, especially when you have a crazy pink pony screaming at you. Please, Pinkie…
Because, you know, “Treasured Moments” is just a silly name? Why not Inkie or Blinkie or Whitey? I like Whitey, it’s a funny name, and it’s sounds white and pure and I’m sure the baby is going to be like that! And Whitey Pie sounds just fine! Because, because I’m Pinkie Pie and she would be Whitey Pie and it’s fun because both name are colors, and…!
OKAY, YOU WIN! YOU FUCKING WIN, JUST STOP TALKING!
Really?
YES!
Pinkie promise?
CROSS MY HEART HOPE TO FLY STICK A DICK INTO MY PRIDE YOU FUCKING WON ARAGÓN’S COMING BACK NOW SHUT UP!
Okay!
…
…
Really?
Eyup!
Huh. Well, so… I guess you completely destroyed what remained of my writer’s integrity.
Yay!
Oh my God, really, fuck you. It’s just… fuck you, Pinkie Pie. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but holly hell I hate you right now.
…
Aaaand you don’t give a simple fuck, of course. You don’t care if I…
Oh, I know you don’t hate me, silly! You like me a lot! Now get back to business and get Aragón back or I’ll start talking again.
Tch.
***
Carousel Boutique
…
…
Woah.
…
…!
…
Kill Discord? Like… killing him?
Yes. Oh so fucking yes. And now that we’re on it, I really think that finishing that pretty queen that you kindly left unconscious would be pretty awesome too. So, may I do the honors here?
…
But… B-but you can’t, Pinkamena! You can’t do that! Discord can be a little mean, but…!
Mean. He tried to, let me think about it a moment, kill everypony. That’s a hell of a start. Add the mind games, the lectures, the torture -both psychological and physical- everything he has done. And you say he’s mean.
…
I…
Fluttershy, he’s not mean, he’s a monster. The biggest monster you’ll ever see. Forget about the canon, forget about your stupid kindness and think about it. He was created as a fucking monster, his entire purpose is to kill as all just because he can’t stand being free. He’s so afraid of himself that he actually prefers to destroy all life! If there’s somepony here that deserves being killed, it’s Discord!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Now, Pinkamena… I swore once that I would kill Discord if he hurt Dashie. But…
No “buts”, Applejack. We need to kill Discord, because Rarity will die if we do nothing. Okay?
I don’t… Twilight?
…
Twilight, please…
…S-SH-E… KN-E-W…
Agh!
Eeeep!
That voice!
…!
It can’t be!
…Discord.
S-SHE A-A-AGREED…
But…! Twilight! Don’t tell me he’s…!
He’s still frozen, Pinkamena. It’s just… He’s doing what Peewee did.
Y-OU AGR-R-EEE-E-ED TO KILL M-E-E-E… T-WI-L-GHT…
It’s telepathy. Discord… Discord knows telepathy.
Y-OU AG-G-GR-EEE-E-EE-D…
YOU-U-RE AS B-AD AS M-EE-E…
***
Author’s note:
……
So… are you writing him back?
I’m not doing anything if you’re here.
Why?
Because it’s distracting and you’re annoying and I’m pretty sure you’d interrupt me every few words.
Well, I guess I could help you write!
No. No, that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. You see, that’s what you did with Aragón. And you fucked him bad. I’m the motherfucking author. I’m Louis. You do not fuck with Louis, okay?
Hey, that’s not a nice thing to say…
Says the one who tortured me a few seconds ago. Give me a break and fuck off, Pinkie Pie. I don’t hate you, you’re my best friend and blahblahblah, now go with your friends and leave me alone so I can destroy this story resurrecting Aragón, okay?
Oh, yeah! My friends. I’ll go back with them!
…
You know, I really thought you were depressed when I killed Aragón. I really thought you were maturing or something. But… You’re acting like a child again. Like if nothing actually mattered. When would you grow up?…
…I grew up a long time ago. That’s the reason why I act like this.Eh? No, that was a rhetorical question, you’re not supposed to…
The world is never filled with smiles, you know? Even though smiles are great. Everypony needs someone to cheer her up once in a while. Even Pinkie.
Uh.
But, you know? I’m the one who cheers up the others, so nopony can do that for me. I need to be happy all by myself. It’s a little sad, but I’m alone. I can’t be depressed. Ever. Because my friends need the cheerful Pinkie Pie.
…
…
…Sorry to break your bubble, but that’s not how the real world works.
Hm.
Eh, your friends are waiting. They want to kill Discord and Pinkamena’s a villain, and there’s a lot of drama. So, hush. Shooo. Shoooooooo.
What?!
***
Carousel Boutique
Discord… Discord knows telepathy. I-it’s one of the hardest magical feats in existence, and I thought only the Princesses and Peewee…
Oh, no… He… Can he…? Free himself or…?
He can do nothing but talk.
…And that’s bad news, if you ask me.
Yeah. Right here and right now, words are the worst thing this dude can use against us. Is there a way to shut him up?
…Y-OU WOULDN’T… DARE. YOU WOULDN’T DARE. YOU WOULDN’T…
H-he’s getting b-b-better at it…
Of course we can shut him up. We just need to kill him. So…
TWILIGHT SPARKLE. YOU ARE NOT AN ASSASSIN. YOU CAN’T KILL ME YOU CAN’T KILL ME YOU WON’T KILL ME I WILL LIVE YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS I WILL LIVE YOU WON’T KILL ME.
…!
No! Twilight, don’t let him…!
THIS IS THE VOICE OF MY MIND YOU CAN’T STOP IT YOU CAN’T UNHEAR IT I CAN TALK YOU CAN’T STOP ME.
Ugh… my head.
It hurts.
E-eeeep. *sniff*. Eeeeep…
Shy? No, Shy, there’s no need to cry. Calm down, calm down. There’s…
*Sniff*. Buuh-huh…
…!!!
Gggh…
YOU CAN’T KILL ME TWILIGHT SPARKLE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PHYSICALLY KILL ME BUT YOU CAN’T ONLY MAGIC OR PINKAMENA OR FLUTTERSHY CAN HURT ME PINKAMENA AND FLUTTERSHY CAN’T GO NEAR ME YOU CAN’T KILL ME YOU WON’T KILL ME I’LL MAKE YOU PA-A-AY.
You won’t…!
DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND TWILIGHT YOU’RE AS BAD AS ME BUT EVEN THEN EVEN BEING AN ASSASSIN IN YOUR MIND EVEN BETRAYING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE YOU YOU WON’T KILL ME BECAUSE YOU’RE A COWARD.
Discord…!
YOU WON’T DARE BECAUSE THE GUILT WOULD PURSUE YOU FOREVER BECAUSE YOU’RE AFRAID BECAUSE YOU’LL GO MAD BECAUSE YOU’RE AFRAID AND BECAUSE YOU’RE A DIRTY COWARD, A TRAITOR, A BASTARD, BUT EVEN THEN YOU CAN DO NOTHING AGAINST ME.
…
T-twilight…
You shut the hell up, Discord!
Stop playing with Twilight! And Twi, don’t listen to him! He’s…
YOU CAN DO NOTHING YOUR FRIENDS CAN DO NOTHING THEY WERE AGAINST KILLING ME AND NOW THEY’RE WITH PINKAMENA? THEY ARE SUCH A COUPLE OF HYPOCRITES THEY ARE DIRTY BASTARDS YOU’RE A DIRTY BASTARD YOU CAN DO NOTHING YOU CAN STOP ME I’LL BE FREE.
I-I… I can’t…
Twilight, he’s PLAYING WITH YOU! Can’t you see that this is all he does! He’s nothing but evil! We need to kill him, or else…!
YOU DON’T YOU DARE TO INSULT ME PINKAMENA YOU MONSTER…
OF COURSE I’M A MONSTER, YOU CRAZY DRACONEQUUS! But I’m a monster who knows her priorities! Twilight, Applejack, Dash, Shy, you need to understand this! He’s not something we could let…!
YOU CAN’T KILL ME YOU CAN’T KILL ME YOU CAN’T…
Twilight, do it! Now!
I…!
YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T…
You need to do it!
I can’t! I can’t do this, Pinkamena! I just…!
Twilight…
Sugarcube, you…
…
Twilight, we agreed you’ll kill him! Rarity won’t be free if you…!
I know! But I can’t! I just…!
Hey! Why are you crying, Twilight? There’s no need for you to cry!
…!
What the…?
P-pinkie?
YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T…
What the FUCK?! You can move?!
P-Pinkie!
Come on, girls! There’s no need to frown! Aragón’s coming back! We can have our happy ending once again!
***
Author’s notes:
Huh. I guess she actually went with the girls. Such a relief…
Who are you talking to?
ARGH! What the…? Pinkie?! What are you doing here?!
I’m staying here because I want to be sure you obey and write Aragón back!
But…! But you’re back in the story! I just saw you there! I wrote you there!
Oh, I know! But I took some time to a little of the story and I discovered that you can be in two places at the same time if you use the asterisks, right? So I’m using that to be here and there at once!
…
…
…That’s not how the flashback works. I mean, you’re not in a flashback. There are no flashbacks. There’s the stupid story and then there’s this space which doesn’t exist because it’s the abstract representation of my will. That’s the reason why it’s called “AUTHOR’S NOTES”!
So? Timey-wimey! I can be in two places at the same time!
Okay, you know what? Forget it. You’re not playing by the rules at all, so I shouldn’t even bother. I’ll take this as a callback to the first chapter. An author and a crazy pony, writing a stupid story. That’s what you want, right?
Yeah!
Sigh. Then let’s roll with it.
***
Carousel Boutique
…Aragón?
Yeah! He’ll be back soon, because I talked to the author and he promised to bring hm back!
B-but…
Wait, you can do that?
Then you weren’t frozen, Pinkie?
Eeenope! I was just talking with Louis!
…
Louis?
Now what…?
YOU CAN’T BE HERE HOW CAN YOU…
Okay, we don’t have time for this. Twilight, kill Discord and do it now!
I…!
Hey! Pinkie-who’s-not-me, don’t say those things! There’s no need to kill anypony!
…
Pinkie…
The sad thing is that you’re wrong, Pinkie. We need to kill Discord, because Rarity’s frozen. So there’s no other…
Discord, please, can you un-freeze Rarity?
NEVER.
…
See? We have to kill him!
Hmmm.
Pinkamena. Calm yourself. Breathe.
But…!
Breathe.
…Sigh.
Hey, I know that look.
What?
Hmmm…
That look on Pinkie’s face. The one who talks in pink. She’s thinking about something.
Sure?
HMMMMMMM.
Yeah. She’s definitely up to something.
Ssssaaaaaay… Pinkie?
Breathe… Breathe…
…
Oh, okay, you’re busy. Twilight?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU ST…
Y-yes?
You need to kill Discord because Rarity’s frozen?
…Yes.
And she’s frozen because of magic?
…Yes?
Oh, then I have the solution!
…?!
What?!
Wha-really?
Huh. You were right there, sugarcube.
See? She was up to something.
NO YOU DON’T…
A-are you serious?
Yes! Just look!
Ahem…
***
Author’s notes:
Aaaaand here’s where you fuck it up.
What?
***
Carousel Boutique
*Cast an unfreezing spell!*
*SLASH!*
NO!
No, Pinkie, Discord is…!
I’M FREE AGAIN!
AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY!
*ZZAAPP!*
*BOUM*
***
Author’s notes:
N-no… I-it can’t be!
Pinkie.
I’ve… Discord is…
Pinkie. There will be time for that later. You need to be with them.
Hurry up.
***
Carousel Boutique
D-DISCORD! N-N…!
OhshitohshitohshitTWILIGHT! LET ME OUT OF THE SHIELD!
*ZZAAPP!*
*ZZAAPP!*
Argh! GIRLS! CAREFUL!
Oh, no! Twilight, get down!
Ugh!
*ZZAAPP!*
RAINBOW!
GOTCHA!
*ZZAAPP!*
*BAOUM!*
YOU’RE NOT ESCAPING! THERE’S NO WAY OUT!
TWILIGHT!
TWILIGHT, RARITY, RAISE A SHIELD AND DO IT NOW!
Y-YES!
*ZZAAPP!*
*K-SHING!*
G-gagh!
Girls!
What happened?!
Ugh… W-we cast a spell, but Discord’s too strong! We can’t hold it!
G-girls… I-I didn’t…
Twilight, teleport me out of the shield. Do it.
But…!
*ZZAAPP!*
*K-SHING!*
Argh!
Ngh.
Rares! Hold on, girl! Come on, I know you can do it!
THERE’S NO TIME FOR THIS, TWILIGHT! DO IT!
But you’re going to die if…!
TWILIGHT, I TRUST YOU IN THIS SO YOU BETTER DO THE SAME! TELEPORT ME!
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO SOMETHING AGAINST ME?!
TWILIGHT, NOW!
*FLUASH*
*FLUASH*
DISCORD, YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!
WHAT?!
P-PINKAMENA! NO! WHAT ARE YOU…?!
I’M FIGHTING, YOU STUPID!
*ZZAAPP!*
PINKAMENA!
I’m okay! AND NOW…!
*TCHAC*
GAAARGH! YOU DUMB BITCH!
FIRST RULE OF THE BOOK, YOU ASSHOLE: ALWAYS CARRY A KNIFE!
*TCHAC*
*ZZAAPP!*
*BAOUM!*
ARGH!
NO!
PINKAMENA!
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD HURT ME?!
*ZZAAPP!*
AAAARGH!
NO!
LET HER GO, DISCORD!
YOU CAN’T DO NOTHING WITH A STUPID KNIFE!
*ZZAAPP!*
GGGGG-GGGAAAAAARGH! AAARGH!!
AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!!
*BZZZZZZZZZZ*
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
PINKAMENA!
Discord. Stop.
WHA-?
You talk, we kill the earth pony. Shut up, all of you.
Ch-Chrysalis… I-it can’t be…
YOU! HOW CAN YOU…?!
I think I said that you had to shut up.
…
…
…
…
*sniff*
CHRYSALIS…
And now, if you don’t mind, it would be very kind for you to stop talking like that. It gives me a headache.
…
…You…
Me. Discord, how’s your leg?
It… hurts.
Heh. Obeying the bug? You’re as pathetic as always, right Dissy?
*ZZAAPP!*
AAAAAARGH!
Stop. We need her alive.
…
Alive? What do you mean, “alive”? She’s dangerous, we need to…
She hurt you with a knife. We need to talk about that, and we need to do it now.
…
…
Pinkamena. Answer me, or we’ll make you scream in pain.
…
Where did you get that knife?
…
Discord.
Heh.
*ZZAAPP!*
AAAAAARGH!
Answer me. Where did you get that knife?
G-gah… I-it… It appeared…
…
No, Discord. Pinkamena. Explain yourself.
It just… appeared. It’s not supposed to make… sense.
I don’t see the point in this, Chrysalis. We should…
Discord, right now you’re the only one of us who can fight, and you can wipe out these insolent ponies in less than a minute. But, being a creature of chaos, you should be immune to pain or dead. Yet she hurt you with a knife, and you’re convinced that she, Twilight Sparkle or the yellow pegasus can kill you.
…
…
Now, you don’t know why. But I’m pretty sure Pinkamena does. And being as you are a creature of chaos, I think I start to understand too, but I need her help. Got it?
…
You can’t…
I’ll help you. Just… J-just stop. T-the pain is too…
Pinkamena! No!
Heh.
…?
What is…?
Can’t you see it? Are Pinkamena and Twilight the only intelligent ones, you stupid ponies? Can’t you see it, Discord?
…
If… if you say…
If we rationalize your weaknesses, if we say what can kill you, then it will stop hurting you. Because if we say it, then the readers will know it, and such the entire story –as understood as a universe, or even better, as a rational being, with a proper mind- will understand it. If it can be understood, then it’s not chaotic enough…
And only chaos can kill me.
…
…
…*sniff*.
…
…Rationalize?
Pinkie…
Ooh. She got it too? No. No, it’s something different. She’s the one who made it possible, right?
…
”It’s not meant to make sense”. “It just appeared”. ”Pinkie Pie, you are so random”. The knife appeared because you’re, in essence, Pinkie Pie. And Pinkie Pie doesn’t make sense. You attacked Discord with Chaos.
What…?
Chaos and entropy… the opposite to chaos is order, but chaos doesn’t make sense in the first place…
Exactly.
No. No, that’s not right. Chaos can’t kill me! I am Chaos!
But are you really Chaos? Or are you just chaotic?
No, that’s not the right question, Pinkamena. What you should be asking is: what kind of Chaos is Discord?
Kind?
”Chaos” is not a simple thing. You can understand it as a whole, or you can see it as a complex mix of little things. You can see chaos as mere disorder, or as randomness. You can see it as something that just doesn’t make sense, or you can see it as something that makes absolute sense, that resonates in harmony with everything else –which, paradoxically, becomes even more chaotic, because it’s not supposed to make sense. Discord, you’re the most chaotic being in existence. Your opposite is order, because you’re disorder. Chaos goes against Harmony. But at the same time, chaos can only be destroyed by a bigger chaos. So the only thing that can kill you…
…is not harmony, but harmonious chaos.
…
…
…
…
…
That doesn’t make any sense…
And that’s exactly why it hurts Discord.
…Then, Pinkamena’s knife?
It made sense and it didn’t, at the same time. It wasn’t there on the first time, yet the randomness of Pinkie –and so, the randomness of Pinkamena- had been established long ago, so nobody thought it didn’t make sense. So at the same time it made and it didn’t made sense. Harmonized chaos.
…
…
AJ, ¿you…?
No, I didn’t get it.
Hm.
Harmonized chaos. It… it can’t be… You…?
So only harmonized chaos can hurt Discord?
That’s the reason why you can hurt him, Pinkamena. Or your knife. Or Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy is completely chaotic because she doesn’t play by the rules of this story, but she has some rules, so she’s also harmonic. Harmonized chaos. As for Twilight Sparkle… well, magic itself can be seen as harmonized chaos too. Rarity can hurt him too, following that rule.
And now that’s been explained…
And, Pinkamena, Pinkie Pie, what else do you think can be seen as harmonized chaos?
Something stupid. Like, for example, a maid dress, a French maid dress that comes out of nowhere and it’s not mentioned, but it’s still there. It doesn’t make sense, but it appeared because of some rules, so it can be seen as something totally random, or totally logical.
Or… or Gummy. Gummy is here, but he never talks, so nopony can be sure if he’s there or here or nowhere. It follows the rules, and it’s random. And…
Or, what do you think about this? A pony who talks in two colors. But she always talks the same way, so nopony actually remembers it.
What…? What are you…?
Twilight Sparkle? What are you talking about?
You…
Oh, it’s nothing, really. Just a quick thought here, you see? Do you remember that strange chapter in which the readers asked questions? It was quite… interesting, to say something.
You…
And you know? I think it’s been quite curious the fact that nopony has read through it a second time. It’s pointless, really, but it’s a little bit of information…
What are you…?!
You see, a reader asked, “How can be Twilight talking in purple if it was Rarity’s color last time?” And Twilight said a very interesting thing…
...I can talk in green too.
WHAT THE…?!
Gummy! Attack, now!
*NYOP*
AARGH!
What?!
Hold your horses, what’s happening here?!
Eat this, Discord!
*ZAP!*
GGGGH!
And don’t you forget my knife.
*Tchac!*
ARGH! GGGGH! GGGGGGGgggh…G-gggh… M-my…
*Bomf.*
…
…
…
…It’s?
It’s done?
Girls…?
I… I think so. I think we defeated him. Good job, Rarity.
Hmf. I’m not a bad actress after all, right?
You’ve been a better Twilight than Twilight herself, darling.
Heh.
But…! What the hell?!
Chrysalis never woke up. It was Twilight the entire time.
Huh?
Yes… Pinkie, you could see it?
Yes. I saw that the one talking was you, but I didn’t say anything. I… I-I’m very sorry for freeing Discord, I didn’t…
Don’t worry, pal. We know you didn’t mean any bad.
But I can’t understand… how did you do that?
Oh, I mostly improvised, my dear. Twilight talked with me off-screen while Pinkamena distracted Discord, and she said that I had to act as her.
I raised the shield with Rarity, but I never came in. And then I talked in green as soon as possible.
…
…
…
Rarity and I discovered a long time ago that when the readers know something, it fools the characters in the story. That’s the reason why Discord could’t see that I wasn’t Chrysalis. And I guess you were fooled too.
Eh…
But, Pinkamena, how could you…?
Oh, I didn’t know anything. I just bought Twilight some time. I knew she would came up with a plan. Nice one, that bit about rationalizing chaos so it couldn’t hurt Discord. It almost make sense. Almost.
You mean that wasn’t true?
No… it doesn’t work like that. I think it was just an excuse so Discord will be off-guard, right?
Mostly.
Yeah, Discord was not the sharpest tool in the shed, although he didn’t know it.
But then… Rarity, how did you know when were you supposed to reveal that you weren’t Twilight?
Oh, I just looked for the most theatrical moment, my dear. A true lady always knows when to reveal her secrets. And Pinkamena showed me the moment, too, when she talked about Twilight’s maid dress. It was clear as day.
Aragón told us about it. He said that fashion will be our guide. But there are some things that still don’t make sense, like…
gggh…
…!
No…
H-he’s still?
you can’t kill me… You can’t kill me… YOU CAN’T KILL ME!
I AM CHAOS! THAT WAS NOTHING! YOU CAN DO NOTHING AGAINST ME!
…
Oh, no…
No…
B-but…!
So it’s not over, huh?
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!
Pinkie. We need chaos. Bring us chaos.
…
***
FOUr ChaRACTERS? WHaT DO YOu…?
Peewee! Spike! I need you!
Eh? Wait, what?! Pinkie?!
…OkAY, I’Ll ADMIT IT, ThaT SurpRISEd mE.
The same with you two! We need to fight Discord!
But…! Peewee’s not even here, and he’s injured, and…!
He’s here, because I say so! And, Peewee!
UH… yES?
Talk only in caps! That way, you’ll be healed!
WhAT? BUT IT’s noT IN MY…
DO IT!
OKAY, OKAY! HERE, SEE?! ALL CAPS!
Good! Now, starly things!
***
Carousel Boutique
Good! We’re here, girls!
Good.
UH.
Girls!
Spike!
YOU?!
All right, Discord. Here we are. You want chaos? Here we are now, and nothing makes any sense! We’re all harmonized chaos! Let it be chaos!
EVERYPONY! ATTACK!
End of the Journey
Carousel Boutique
EVERYPONY! ATTACK!
*SWITCH*
ARGH! CAREF-
*SWOOOOOOOMP*
TWILIGHT! AH!
*BAOUM*
*FLUOSH*
YOUR LEFT, SPIKE!
*FLUOSH*
TAKE THIS!
*SWOUM!*
*PLAF!*
ARGH!
HYA!
*BL-blomp*
SPIKE, LOOK OUT!
*BAM!*
Thanks!
YOUR RIGHT!
*SWAOMP!*
ARGH!
APPLEJACK!
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME AND GO HELP PINKIE AND PINKAMENA! LET THIS TO ME, YOU’RE NEEDED THERE!
O-Ok! Fluttershy, come with me!
RAAAAAAAAAAGH!
E-EEEEP!
*BAOUM!*
Oh! Careful!
PINKAMENA!
*BOOOM!*
Oh, thanks! And… hmm?
HAH!
*BAOUM*
*SWOOOSH*
*ZAAAAAP*
Heh. Goodnight, buggy.
*KJJJ*
NO!
*BAOUM!*
***
Author’s notes:
Hmm. I think that this doesn’t quite work. I don’t understand anything. I mean, are they winning or…?
Louis! What are you doing?! This is not the best time for…!
Pinkie, for Starswirl’s beard, we’re in a parallel universe or timeline or I don’t know, some kind of huge clusterfuck of metaphysics that ultimately just means that we’re on my frigging mind, so we can spare some minutes talking. It’s not like they’re going to lose while we’re doing it. Well, maybe I should say that it’s not like you are going to lose. I still don’t understand how the fuck can you be here.
You silly-billy! It’s because…!
Magic, I get it. Now, as I said, this is quite anticlimactic for a final battle.
What?! Anticlimactic?! EVERY CHARACTER WITH A NAME IS FIGHTING AGAINST DISCORD! Well, every character but you, but that’s not the point, YOU CAN’T BE MORE CLIMATIC THAN THIS!
Well, I guess that you’re right. If this was a movie, I’m sure this would be just awesome. But this is stupid. We’re only seeing “whacks” and “baoums” and sometimes, somepony screams or Discord just plain insults everybody. And I sure don’t know what the fuck is Pinkamena doing.
But it’s easy! You just need to close your eyes and visualize everything!
Yeah, no. We’re reading. We need some goddamn narration, but just everybody is talking in colors now.
Can we please return to the important stuff? Please? My life and my friends’ is in danger, and…
We can go back, but I doubt that any reader is going to, you know, read anything if we just continue with the battle like that.
And that’s important because…?
Without readers, good luck trying to do anything. They’re quite important, as you may have guessed by now. If you haven’t, then you’re stupid.
I guess that right now I should tell a joke about how the readers are going to read this if they have read the entire story because it’s pretty bad, but I’m not in the mood, you know? GET BACK TO THE FIGHT THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Can I point out the irony of the situation? You –the most random character in existence- want to go all serious and I –y’know, the original author- am just sitting here, ruining the atmosphere and reminding everybody that this is still a comedy, albeit a pretty bad o-
*PLANK!*
AUCH! Oi, that was completely uncalled for!
Shut up and let’s go back with the battle!
No! We need a narrator, goddamnit!
THEN NARRATE EVERYTHING!
I can’t! They’re talking in colors, and I’m not taking levels from the characters just because I don’t like the way it looks!
…
So you want a narrator.Yeah.
But you aren’t narrating.
Nnnope. And before you ask me: no, you can’t narrate either because that would be at the same time hilarious and completely wrong.
Oh, don’t worry, I was thinking about something completely different.
***
The Void
I struggle and push around endlessly, trying to find my way in a Void that suddenly has become the most populated thing in existence. The readers had been pretty busy lately, so the mind of the author is now filled with impossible characters and things that I think make no sense. Like an optical camp suit, whatever the fuck is that. Aragorn, son or Arathor, is here too, and he has a party cannon because it seems like somebody here is retarded, I don’t know if it’s the author or the readers.
And of course, some asshole opened a door that let a lot of stupid OC’s here, so now I’m dealing with like three thousand and thirty three ponies, griffons and changeligns who flap their wings and/or legs aimlessly trying to do who-the-hell-knows because who-the-hell-knows. I found a way to go back to the story like three years ago, but everything’s so fucking crowded that I can’t even see my feet, so I’m just swimming in an ocean made of original characters. And Aragorn son of Arathor and his stupid party cannon. Whoever gave him that thing deserves a brick on his ass, that’s for sure.
After dodging another wave of confetti and a brownish stallion who says that he can control fire –“Sure you can, kiddo,” I say. “Sure you can.”- and when I finally see the ladder to show up in the story…
*Throws keyboard at Aragón*
Auch. I can say that that hurt. My head feels funny. I would never have guessed that a keyboard was so heavy.
But I see the ladder again, and I think I can escape this huge mess. Just another couple meters…
Author’s notes:
Ah-hah! Hello Aragón! You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you! I would hug you if I could!
I blink and frown at the… sight? Voice? How can I explain this? Pinkie is here, and she’s talking to me. I can’t exactly see or hear her. It’s more like a presence. A… thought of mine. I know what she’s saying, and I know what face she’s doing, but the information is just there and I take it with a weird sense I didn’t know I had. I wouldn’t call it a “sixth sense”, more like a “three quarters and a half sense”.
I sigh and try to ignore an OC with glasses and a –how original- hourglass cutie mark and stare into the nothingness (now crowded with idiots and a king with a cannon that shoots cakes and confetti) that is the Void. “Okay, Pinkie, how the fuck are you talking to me?”
Author’s notes:
You could at least say “hello”, you know? I’ve been very worried about you!
“Why?” I shrug. “You could have been worried if I had been in danger or something, but I’m dead. It’s not like my situation can be worse, don’t you think?” The same OC with glasses kicks me in the face while trying to move or fly or travel in time or who the fuck knows. “Well, maybe it could be worse than just ‘dead’,” I point, “but I’m pretty sure that right now I’ve hit the limit.”
Then I smile. “Although I’m happy to see you again, Pinkie. Sorry if I’ve made you suffer with my death and everything else.”
Author’s notes:
Aaaaw. You’re the same as always. Why is Doc kicking you?
“I don’t know, and I don’t really want to know.”
“Ah, sorry!” The brown stallion bits his lip. “I didn’t wanna…”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t talk.” I shake my head. “I’m the only one allowed to talk, because if you guys start saying things, this is going to be worse than my family reu…”
Author’s notes:
Pinkie, what the hell were you talking abo-WHAT THE HELL?!
“Eh?” I push the floating stallion so I’m ‘alone’ again and I look at the not-nothingness that is the Void now. “Who’s there with you, Pinkie? It almost seems to b-WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! YOU?!”
Author’s notes:
PINKIE, HOW THE HELL DID YOU CONNECT THE AUTHOR’S NOTES WITH THE VOID?! IT’S NOT POSSIBLE! I MEAN, IT JUST GOES AGAINST EVERY LOGIC IN EXISTENCE!
Wait, you guys knew each other? Aragón! Why didn’t you tell me?!
“Pinkie, not now.” I facepalm. “Look, I’m already surrounded by assholes, I don’t want to talk with an even bigger asshole right now, okay?”
Author’s notes:
You know you must be pretty stupid to insult me of all people, right? I mean, yeah, I knew you are retarded, I’ve been watching you from the shadows, but… Wait a minute, did you just ‘facepalm’?
Uh…
“I do whatever I want, Louis. Stop whining.”
Author’s notes:
No, listen to me: I’m okay with your characterization being all stupid and funny (notice the italics) when you’re a character, but now you’re supposed to be mysterious and wise! You’re in the Void! You’re in my mind, for fuck’s sake!
“Hey, I wasn’t supposed to appear now!” I scream. The OC’s are looking at me, although Aragorn is still playing with the stupid cannon and doesn’t pay attention to anything else. “And being mysterious and wise and talking with riddles is a pain in the ass! Also, weren’t you supposed to be like the huge mystery here? WHY IS PINKIE WITH YOU?!”
Author’s notes:
DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE ANY IDEA YOU FUCKTARD?!
Guys! Stop arguing right now! What is happening here?! You knew each other? Aragón, you knew who Louis was? How can you…?
I roll my eyes. “I’m in the Void, which is the mind of the author. I’m a part of it now, so I know everything the author knows.”
Author’s notes:
…I thought the author’s notes were the mind of the author!
They are. Both the Void and the author’s notes are part of my mind, it’s just that…! They are two completely unrelated parts, or one of them is inside of the other, o-or…!
“…Or you don’t have any fucking idea, because I don’t and right now I know everything you know. You asshole.”
Author’s notes:
…Gggh.
So… we’re inside your mind, Louis? And Aragón is more inside your mind than us? That’s the reason why there are a lot of things in the Void?
“Yeah.” I nod and lick my lips. “If Louis thinks about something, it shows up in the Void. That’s the reason why there are a lot of fucking OC’s here. And I can say that he’s been reading Homestuck lately, and also looking at a lot of… let’s say, adult material.” I point at my back. “I found the ‘not-safe-for-work corner’ a while ago.”
Author’s notes:
Y-you! Stop telling lies! I haven’t…!
Wait, the Void has corners?
“So it seems”.
Author’s notes:
Okay, this is just stupid. I’m the first one who enjoys a little fun sometimes, and I’m sure that this is quite funny for you, but…
“Oh, yeah, that’s another one.” I frown and cross my arms. “Look, Louis, I think it’s the first rule in the manual: DON’T MIX DRAMA AND COMEDY!” I put on my best you’re an idiot face. “The story’s in its best part, and you go and stop it because you want to focus on your original character? GOOD ONE, ASSHOLE!”
Author’s notes:
It wasn’t me! It was Pinkie!
Hey! I’m the one who wants to go back with the battle! In fact, I’m already there but if we don’t go with them, then it’s not going to happen, so…!
“Then go back! There’s no reason for you to be here, really! Shoo!”
Author’s notes:
No, we can’t go back because we need a narrator and…!
And…
Oh. Clever.Oh, now you get it, huh?
“A narrator?” I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Can’t Louis narrate the entire thing?”
Author’s notes:
No, because everybody talks in colors! Well, canon-me and canon-Twilight don’t, but we have Spike and me and the girls and Discord and the battle is not understandable without narration, so…
And, you know, I can’t just change the entire fic and narrate when I want. And I see why Pinkie brought us here. You can narrate everything!
“Yeah, well, I guess that being dead is not a huge thing anymore.” I shrug. “I guess I’m going to resurrect now?”
Author’s notes:
Nah, not exactly. You’re going to narrate, but you’ll be like a ghost or some shit like that. You won’t be able to fight with them. And you’ll be there only for the battle –after that, back to the Void with you.
What?! Why?! You promised me you’ll write him back!
Yeah, and I can’t understand why the fuck did you want that if you can just walk into the Void.
It’s not the same! He’s dead, and that’s very sad and bad! He needs to be alive so we can throw parties!
“That sure was a twist. Pinkie motivated by parties. Wow. You’re just getting better at this writing business, huh?”
Author’s notes:
Oh, sarcasm. That’s original.
“You copied that line.”
Author’s notes:
Stop fighting right now! Listen to me, you’re going to help each other or I’ll be angry! And you won’t like me when I’m angry!
…
I stay in silence a couple seconds. “What the…?”
Author’s notes:
NO! Pinkie, I swear I’ll be working with him, just DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!
Hmph.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Author’s notes:
You don’t want to know.
Enough talking! GO BACK TO THE BATTLE RIGHT NOW!
YES MA’AM!
***
Carousel Boutique
Man, it’s been ages since the last time I narrated! Let’s hope I haven’t forgotten anything. Well, at least I read that guide –I shouldn’t be very bad at this.
Author’s notes:
ARAGÓN!
Sorry, sorry! Ahem.
“EVERYPONY! ATTACK!”
The sun appeared on the horizon at the same time the nine ponies and the dragon charged against the Draconequus. Pinkamena had her knife. Spike had his fire. The rest had only hooves and teeth, but it was enough.
Discord stood tall, facing them all without a single trace of fear in her face. His eyes, red with rage. His chest, filled with pride. His claws, ready for the battle. His magic, already in use.
When he talked, the voice of a thousand giants could be heard. A battle cry, louder than Tartarus itself, a sound so horrible, so powerful, that both Spike and the ponies couldn’t hear without gritting their teeth.
“YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AGAINST ME?! YOU ARE SIMPLE BUGS COMPARED TO ME!”
He said. Yeah. What a voice, huh? It’s a bit difficult to narrate when he’s shouting like that. The text just doesn’t work well. Oh, and that was a little redundant, I must say…
“YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE TODAY! ”
Yeeeah. Originality. I’m sure absolutely nobody has shouted something like that, ever. Anyway, let’s go on.
Author’s notes:
Oh man. Info dump. I think I’m going to skip this shit. See you at the end of this “explanation”.
What?
Obeying Pinkamena’s order, everypony charged like crazy. It was pretty easy for them, being equines and all.
What wasn’t so easy was to actually hit Discord. Pinkamena had attacked him before, but the draconequus was merely playing back then. This time, he was really fighting. And you can’t fight Chaos itself and hope for a regular battle.
When the first pony (Rainbow Dash, as she was the fastest one) tried to hit Discord, he just disappeared. And then the whole world changed.
It was madness. Exactly the kind of thing you can see in your dreams. When you looked at the right, you may be facing a weird yellow void with beams of color floating in it and an angry beaver that was just Discord in disguise. The thing under the ponies’ hooves (because we can’t name it “ground”) changed every second, sometimes being water, sometimes dirt, sometimes a fallen tree, sometimes nothing. Light and darkness fought each other in the sky, the result being a mix between day, night and a crazy DJ who’s suddenly in control of the disco lights and is higher than Cloudstale. And let’s better not talk about what happened when you looked to your right or above your head. It wasn’t healthy, that’s for sure. Every damned individual atom was alive now, and the only thing they wanted to do was dancing and playing the bagpipe. THAT is chaos, my friend.
The only ones who weren’t having any kind of trouble keeping their balance in that always-changing zone were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, because the air remained more or less exactly the same no matter what happened. Well, they and Pinkie Pie, because Pinkie Pie. But even then, they were a little disoriented. When the entire existence does nothing more than change and try to either corrupt you or just plain kill you, it’s a little hard to maintain sanity, so you can guess that keeping your sense of direction is plain impossible.
And of course, we’re only talking about the environment. Discord himself was attacking the ponies personally too. He was in three, maybe four places at once. And each Discord was teleporting every few seconds and throwing everything he got to the ponies. Which mostly meant lasers or rocks or fire or chocolate or headphones or miniature black holes, or… well, you get the idea. The ponies were fighting against a rain made of everything. And the best part was, of course, that it’s not like the attack –let’s say it was a rock- appeared a couple meters away from you and then tackled you like a shark that has forgot it has a mouth. No, the rock appeared maybe under your feet, and then it disappeared and appeared behind you, and then it started to fly around you like a drunken vulture until it felt tired. Then it exploded and a fucking laser came from it and it hit Applejack, for example.
So yeah, they weren’t exactly easy to dodge.
The only reason why the entropy of that massive hole in the universe hadn’t killed the ponies yet was, of course, Twilight Sparkle. She was Celestia’s protégé after all, so of course she was able to recognize a negative space-time continuum when she saw one. Although that wasn’t a “true” negative space-time continuum, of course –a real one was just a zone (ourside or inside the universe, that didn’t really matter) that functioned entirely on antimatter. And anti-time. But being just a negative continuity wasn’t enough for Discord, because that would have made sense.
No, the space –the universe where the ponies were was no other thing that, oddly enough, Chaos. They were fighting Chaos inside of Chaos, which is a pretty elegant way to describe the huge clusterfuck of nothingness and everythingness mixing out and going to a bar while logic hanged itself. If the metaphor doesn’t make sense, it’s because you’ve understood what the heck am I talking about.
But what was the thing they were in wasn’t important. The important thing was that Discord hadn’t created it just for shit and giggles. It wasn’t an aesthetic decision either. You see, there’s a funny thing about pony anatomy –a pony’s body likes to remain the same all the time. It doesn’t react well when you suddenly transform one leg into a banana and one eye into an angry monkey that’s looking for its bride and daughter. But in that space? Well, nothing was safe from chaos –that’s so, unless you had the most powerful magical unicorn in existence, of course.
So Twilight Sparkle was the only one who didn’t move. She was standing still as a statue. Eyes closed, frown down and horn shining like a fucking diamond in the center of the Sun itself. She was using all her magic, every little bit of magical energy, on just one spell. The levitation one. She was individually levitating every single atom of her body and her friend’s and keeping them together, at the same time using the magic force field that levitated every atom to protect it from Discord’s magic. It was not an easy feat, as you can guess. Try to imagine you are pretty good at juggling. You can juggle more than eighteen balls at the same time, or some crazy number like that one. Well, now imagine that you suddenly need to juggle with every single molehill of the biggest beach in the entire Multiverse. Which is like, I don’t know, three thousand times bigger than the biggest beach you’ve ever seen? And if you don’t, then you and all your friends will die.
Twilight Sparkle was juggling. And the molehills were in fire, because Discord’s such a son of a bitch. As a result, her friends were still alive, although sometimes she failed and a little bit of magic got in their bodies –nothing too heavy, of course… just silly changes, like suddenly having five legs or losing your tail or becoming a human- but that only lasted a few seconds.
Everypony was purple now, of course, because Twilight was using her magic on them. But nopony cared. It wasn’t like they had an option.
You see, while Twilight was there, trying to control the entire situation and keeping her friends to explode, the rest of the Element of Harmony (plus Spike, Pinkamena and canon-two) were busy trying to attack Discord and defend themselves and Twilight.
Because the draconequus was attacking them in more than a thousand different ways at the same time. One second Rainbow Dash was seeing Discord’s head floating in midair and flying towards it so she could punch it, the next she discovered that the head had turned into Fluttershy and now the ground was shooting lasers at her and everything was fire and explosions.
Spike was throwing fire as hard as he could around Twilight, protecting her from any kind of physical attack and sending it to who-knows-where. Peewee, flying near him, acted as Spikes’ eyes, pointing where the next attack was coming from. Applejack, by his side, was covering Twilight too, with nothing more than her hooves. They were enough. Usually bucking an explosive laser wouldn’t be a good idea, but luckily for Applejack common sense had died a long time ago. It was still a hard job, though, and the farmer’s chest and legs were full of bruises. Not that she cared. In the end, for a casual viewer it seemed that AJ and Spike were dancing around the purple unicorn, a dance of lasers and kicks and fire. Which makes a pretty badass dance once you really think about it. But sadly, there weren’t any casual viewers, because any sentient being in that zone would have exploded or turned into a mix between lava, a boiled egg and the smallest half of a giant star. And then it would have exploded again.
Fluttershy was as scared as can be, flying around and trying to be helpful. She… wasn’t. Everything was changing so fast that the poor thing was lost. She was doing her best, though. Ignoring the fear and flying almost as fast as Rainbow Dash, and trying to attack Discord.
Rarity was on the ground, doing mostly the same as Fluttershy but with magic: dodging as best as she could and hitting with a marvelous and elegant ray every Discord she could see. She was, let’s put it this way, trying very hard.
The canon pair was running around, and they were acting as the principal defense of the group. You have to admit it: even though “everypony, attack” wasn’t the best strategy of the book, everybody was doing his best at the position in which he was most helpful. Canon-Twilight and Canon-Pinkie were running doing apparently nothing, but Twilight noticed soon that the chaos was a little weaker around them. The others soon realized this too, because when they were by their side they suddenly knew what was up and what was down. And Discord never appeared near them, while the rest of the space was filled with Discords attacking and doing shit.
Rainbow Dash was doing way better than her pegasus friend at attacking while flying. Being the fastest one, she was also in more than one place at once, or at least that’s what it seemed. Although her fur was shining with a purple light, her rainbow-colored trail was as colorful as ever, and the only thing that seemed more or less harmonic in that huge entropic space. She was charging against every Discord she could see... And her sight was insanely good, developed by years of looking at the world while traveling at the speed of sound, so she was able to detect every single Discord the exact moment they appeared. She kicked, bit, punched, she did everything she could, using her entire body as a weapon. More than once she just tackled Discord, launching herself like a rocket. And it actually worked! At least ten percent of the little bruises that Discord had were because of Dash’s attacks. The pegasus was injured too, or course –the draconequus’ horns were very pointy, and she was not made of iron. But it didn’t matter –she was still fighting.
About Pinakema, she was the only true warrior of the entire group, the only one used to fight –and kill- enemies, and actually a villain, not a hero. And boy it showed up. She was using her trusty knife, trapped between her teeth, and the weapon moved so fast that you couldn’t see anything but a silver light anytime she used it. She was not as fast as Dash, of course, but it’s not like she needed it.
It seemed like she could predict where Discord was going to appear next time. Where Dash used her sight, Pinkamena used her instinct. She just felt every single Discord, and jumped to the nearest. Rocks, fire, blades, rays –none of Discord’s attacks could hit her. Dodging just came naturally to her. Discord had received more than a couple of wounds from Pinkamena. Even Chrysalis’ corpse, lying on the ‘ground’, had received more than one stabbing from the pink pony.
But, of course, she was not the best one at fighting Discord. She was pretty good, but if you can’t already foresee who was the only pony able to match Discord in a fight, then you haven’t read this story and don’t know your ponies.
Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie. Pie.
How to describe what was Pinkie Pie doing?
Author’s notes:
Okay, I guess that this is important, so the info dump is finished. Finally. That’s been the most boring fight scene I’ve ever read.
Hey, I like it! It shows what’s happening and it’s useful!
It’s not a battle scene, Louis. It’s an explanation. The term ‘info dump’ is mostly correct, because I’m not telling the…
Author’s notes:
Yeah, yeah, I don’t care. So, go on.
You were talking about me!
Hmm. Mostly. I was going to say that you’re insanely overpowered here.
Author’s notes:
What?
You see, in the show Discord could only be defeated by the Elements of Harmony. If you or Rainbow Dash or Twilight tried to simply attack him, you’ll end… well, you wouldn’t end well. But here? Suddenly you need to fight Discord hand-to-hand because he has destroyed the Elements and you can match him? He’s a god, Pinkie. You’re clearly overpowered.
Author’s notes:
Oooh. That’s because I can break the fourth wall?
Mostly, yeah. And, just to remind you of it, that’s an ability that you don’t have in the show. Twilight’s also crazy overpowered here. I mean, really? She’s controlling every single atom? Don’t you have any sense of scale? That’s just crazy. There are more atoms in a glass of water than stars in…
Author’s notes:
Hey, hey, hey. Aragón. Look, I know you’re an author too and you think you’re far better than me, but shut the fuck up. It’s my story; I do what I want with it, and you’re just a character of mine. I knew you had to stay in the Void for a little more time.
I’m not arguing with that, of course. But dude, anyone can see that your favorite characters are Pinkie and Twilight. I mean, everything good that happens is done by Pinkamena, Twilight or that crazy party mare you have by your side. And let’s not talk about canon-two, please.
Author’s notes:
Aaaw, I’m your favorite? That’s sweet! Come here and hug me!
Eh, no.
So yeah, first Twilight is like almost as powerful as Discord, and now Pinkie’s… well, doing what she’s doing.
Author’s notes:
…Sigh. Just narrate, okay? This battle scene is too long already, let’s finish it as soon as possible.
Yeah!
Meh. Okay, where was I? Oh, right…
Pinkie Pie. Where do I begin? Discord was in more than one place at once. Rainbow Dash was moving so fast she seemed to be in more than one place at once. Pinkamena was dancing with Discord, although that dance meant a knife, blood and an the ultimate proof that an earth pink pony with a pointy stick can be far more badass than your present, past or future self. But Pinkie was different.
You could see her in more than one place at the same time, that’s for starters. But it’s not like she had cloned herself or that she could travel faster than the eye. No, it was different.
She was breaking the fourth wall. Hard. Harder than ever. So when Discord launched a rock to her, she just looked at that sentence and rearranged the letters so it read that a cockroach shrouded tendril, which was fairly interesting and mysterious (where had that cockroach been all this time?) but mostly harmless. And no, that didn’t make any sense.
If she was facing a Discord and the draconequuus just teleported himself a couple meters to the right so he could attack her with a ball of lava, she just read the entire sentence to know that Discord was going to teleport himself to her right and attack her with a ball of lava. She also read that she was reading that Discord was going to teleport himself and attack her, so she knew that she knew what was going to happen. So she just looked at her right and rearranged the letters of ‘Discord attacked her with a ball of lava’ so it read something like ‘Discord a balaclava flaked thither tow’, which didn’t make any sense so nothing really happened. But of course, Pinkie had already read that she was rearranging the fucking sentence, or that she was going to do it, so knowing that she didn’t have to worry about that (because she was dealing with that Discord at the right moment, or she was going to, and if there’s somebody you can trust it’s Pinkie Pie), so she just went to her left so she could face an entirely different Discord. And then everything started again… but of course, it happened twice because the Pinkie who faced the Discord who attacked with a ball of lava also read that sentence, and once that confrontation ended she just read the next paragraph to know what was going to happen, and while she was doing it she also read that she was doing it, so the entire cycle started again.
Author’s note:
…
What the f…?
Yeah, in the end this means that Pinkie knew the immediate future and could be in more than just one place at once because she was mercilessly beating the fourth wall and the common sense. Just… just think that. Just one Pinkie, but she was bonding that little thing named “causality” that our Universe loves so much, so she could predict the effects before the initial process even began. So, just one Pinkie, but she was… bonding the universe so it allowed her to be in more than one place at once. Yeah, more or less, that’s what was happening.
Author’s notes:
How many times have you repeated “in more than one place at once”?
I lost count. What’s important is that you’re fucking crazy and fucking overpowered, so Discord was having a hard time trying to match you.
Author’s notes:
So they were winning?
Yes. Pinkie Pie was the responsible, of course. She didn’t attack Discord on a very straightforward manner, but she was rearranging chaos to make it even more chaotic, and I guess that everybody knows by now that making sense by not making sense hurts Discord pretty badly, so…
Author’s notes:
I love how we’re alienating every single reader in existence. I highly doubt anybody is going to understand that.
I do!
That doesn’t count.
No, it’s easy! I’m doing things that are so weird that even Discord can’t comprehend them! And, as he’s the god of weird things, he’s hurt, because he’s supposed to comprehend everything!
…
…
Author’s notes:
That… well, that’s a different way to say it.
I guess we can go with it. Discord was pretty hurt by your crazy antics, Pinkie. And that plus Pinkamena’s knife plus Rainbow Dash’s hits plus Fluttershy and Rarity… well, the draconequus wasn’t exactly having his best time.
Author’s notes:
So we win! HAH! I knew that bringing you here was a good idea, Aragón!
Eeeh, I won’t be so happy yet.
Why?
Because we’re not the only ones who have understood how the fight was going. Discord can break the fourth wall too, remember?
Author’s notes:
…
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh indeed. Discord read everything I’ve written and realized that he couldn’t win if you were together.
So he stopped the chaos suddenly, breaking Twilight’s balance for a moment and letting Rainbow Dash, Pinkamena, Rarity, Fluttershy and you hit him with all your strength. That almost kills him.
But Twilight wasn’t protecting you anymore, so he could use another spell, the most dangerous one he knew.
Discord splIt the party again.
***
***
***
Golden Oak Library
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
Ugh! G-Gggggh…
***
Rainbow Dash’s house
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
Ah? WHAT? NO, NOT AGAIN!
***
Sweet Apple Acres
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
Agh! Uh-what? Oh, no… Girls?! Girls, are you there?! Spike?! Peewee?!
***
Fluttershy’s cottage
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
…
G-girls?
***
Carousel Boutique
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
Huh? My boutique? What’s happening? Girls?
***
Sugarcube Corner
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
…No, no, NO, NO! GODDAMNIT I WAS HAVING FUN!
***
Everfree Forest
***
Tartarus
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Bzeeeeeep*
*Thump*
*Thump*
Aw! My head!
SPIKE, YOU OKAY?
Yes, yes, don’t… eh. Peewee?
YES?
Where are we? Where are the girls?
WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE GIRLS ARE GONE. AND I’M AFRAID THAT WE’RE IN PONY HELL.
Aw.
***
Canterlot Castle
*Bzeeeeeep*
Hey!
***
Golden Oak Library
W-what has… I’m… home?
No, you’re not. And you’ll never be.
Discord. You’ve done it again? Everyone is…?
They’re all alone, like you. And you all are going to die. Because I’m tired of you, and now it’s time to end the game, Twilight Sparkle.
The… game?!
Don’t think even for a second that I’ve been taking you seriously. Until now, I’ve been merely playing with you. But now? Now It’s done. I have you and I have your friends. And you all are going to die.
You must be kidding me…
No, I’m not. And do you know what? I’m not just going to kill you. I’m going to make you suffer.
Because I want you to remember, every time you hear a friend of ours screaming in agony, every time you feel a pain far more powerful than you can even imagine… I want you to remember that everything was your fault.
…
Because you could have ended everything. You had me at your mercy, Twilight Sparkle, I was frozen, and you could have killed me with such an effortless spell. But you didn’t. You hesitated. You failed. And now, I’m free and angrier than ever, and I’m going to make you pay…
And everything was your fault.
***
Rainbow Dash’s house
You really think that your stupid lectures are gonna work?!
No. No, I’m not. You don’t understand what’s happening, Rainbow Dash. This is not a lecture. This is not a game. This is not a warning. This is just the truth.
You’ve been a pawn of mine all this time. You’ve fallen in love with a friend of yours and that has only brought misery, even forcing your friends to use you as a pawn for their benefit, because you were too stupid to even understand this world. You could have stopped all this from the beginning. You were on the first chapter, and didn’t notice absolutely anything. Even Applejack knows better than you.
No…
All this time defeated, all this time being used, being a waste of time and space. The group needed intelligence, and you failed at bringing some kind of thought to your friends. In this world, you need to plan absolutely every move, and you’re unable to do such a thing. You’re the worst of your group, doing things without even knowing what was happening. So I want you to remember something:
Everything is your fault.
***
Sweet Apple Acres
If you don’t believe me, then attack me. Try it. You won’t hurt me, you won’t touch me. Together you may be strong. But alone, you’re weak.
Heh! I can see you bleed, Discord. You aren’t scary! I swore once that I’ll be the one who’ll kill you!
And yet, you were against killing me when I was unable to defend myself. You completely destroyed your friends’ plans, right? You were the first one in saying that you couldn’t kill me. You’re all words, Applejack, but you can do nothing in reality.
Now, mind games again?!
This is not a mind game, Applejack, and you know it. Used as a pawn all this time, even when we were fighting you didn’t dare to attack me, defending Twilight instead. You’re a coward and you know it. And your cowardice has doomed all of you.
And now, you can do nothing but wait and remember, Applejack. Remember that everything is your fault.
Everything is your fault.
***
Fluttershy’s cottage
You’re the reason why I’m here. You thought that you had defeated me. And you actually had a possibility to end all this once and for all. But you couldn’t.
…W-we… It wasn’t a good thing to do… If we had attacked you, then…
Then you would have won.
…no.
We wouldn’t have been better than you, Discord.
And that’s why you’re all going to suffer. But even without becoming like me, Fluttershy, you could have done something. You were the only able to hurt me for a long, long time. And what did you do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You had a chance of saving them all… and you did nothing.
Everything is your fault.
***
Sugarcube Corner
You’re trying to scare us? To lecture us? We’ve defeated you, Discord. Twice. That’s the reason why we are talking right now, that’s the reason why you have split the group again. Because you’re afraid of us. You know we can kill you.
No, Pinkamena. That’s not true. Do you want to know why am I telling you this? Because I’m tired of lectures. I’m tired of games, words or fights.
So? You’re going to kill us?
That would be too simple. I’m going to make you suffer. And I want you to remember this, I want you to remember my words every time you hear a friend of yours screaming in agony, every time you feel the pain that I’m going to bring you…
You’re the reason why this is happening. You’re the cancer of your group. You’re the element that can’t be used, a bomb ready to explode, a pony who’s going to kill her friends soon or later. You could have saved them a long time ago. But you didn’t. And you planned to kill me, using your sick logic, without realizing that your companions were better than you. You planned my death in such a way that it couldn’t have worked, ever. And that’s the reason why I’m here now.
Everything is your fault.
***
Carousel Boutique
You did all this.
…
You’re the one who needed to be saved. You’re the one who was frozen when absolutely everypony else was doing fine. You’ve been nothing but a load, a burden. I’m free now because you’re so useless, even your friends used you as a pawn.
I know my friends would never think such a thing, Discord. Maybe you are not aware of what friendship means exactly, but they sure do.
And yet, you know I’m right. Everything is your fault.
***
Tartarus
And you were the one who created me. You wanted to write a story, but being a fictional character yourself, your reality mixed with the world you’ve wrote about. And that meant that I appeared in this world being far higher than anybody else.
IT’S NOT LIKE WE COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING.
The story was written that way. If the author wanted me to write, then…
Everything happened because of your stupidity, Spike the Dragon. I want you to remember that. You created me, you created this world. You brought calamity to your friends and earned endless pain to your bird.
Everything is your fault.
***
Canterlot Castle
You… You’re the one who destroyed it all. You knew what was happening from the beginning. You had the power to help your friends in more than just one way. You could have solved everything so long ago.
…
You could have defeated me at any moment. You could have explained what was happening to your friends. You could have taken this seriously. But you didn’t. You wanted to have fun, you thought only about yourself. And when your friends needed you the most, you were too busy crying over the death you had caused to help them.
…
And when you finally came around, what did you do? You destroyed every hope your friends had. Now it’s impossible for you to win.
Everything is your fault.
***
Golden Oak Library
You could have ended it all…
…
***
Sweet Apple Acres
…but you didn’t.
…
***
Rainbow Dash’s house
And now I’m free..
…
***
Fluttershy’s cottage
…now I’m furious…
…
***
Sugarcube Corner
…now the game has ended.
…
***
Tartarus
And everything that has happened…
…
…
***
Carousel Boutique
And everything that will happen…
…
***
Canterlot Castle
…is your fault.
…
…
Pffft.
Author’s notes:
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
…
What the…?
PFFFT-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AH-H-HAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!
YOU DARE TO LAUGH?!
AHAHAHAHAHAAH! O-OH MY SIDES! G-girls, you need to see this! You-wait, I’ll bring you here…
WHAT?!
Author’s notes:
What are you…?
Hold on… I take this word and I put it here and… there! Ahem:
*Bring the girls (and Spike and Peewee) to Canterlot Castle!*
*Poof!*
WHAT?!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Pinkie! D-don’t laugh! That’s just… mean…
Heheheheheh.
…
I CAN’T HELP IT! H-HE ACTUALL-AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Pfffteeh-heh-heh. Okay, I have to admit it, it’s funny.
Well, I don’t see the fun anywhere! This is serious, girls!
Yeah, whatever.
Heh.
HOW DO YOU DARE TO…?!
Dude, cut out the “do you dare” drama, okay? It’s doing nothing but causing Pinkie to laugh her lungs off.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
YOU DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT ARE YOU…!
I’m afraid we knew exactly what’s happening, Discord. And, you know, you’re pathetic.
WHAT?!
Darling, I’m afraid that if you feel the urge to run away and split us in groups, covered in wounds, you’re not in the best position to boast. And, please, “everything is your fault?”
We’ve seen you do that trick a thousand times before, Discord. We weren’t falling for it.
And, well, we already know that you can do whatever you want, because Pinkamena and Twilight are going to come up with a plan that’s going to torn you to pieces. Again. So, you’re not such a menace anymore, you know. And when you’re going back to your old tricks…
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
*BAOUM!*
Woah!
Aaaaah!
Unf!
Ick!
…
…STOP WITH THE EXPLOSIONS!
Hold on, I’ll raise a shield! He’s weakened, I’m sure he won’t break it!
*SHING*
DON’T YOU THINK FOR A SINGLE MOMENT THAT I’M DEFEATED!
There it is, now he can do nothing. And… you know… Pinkamena, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. You see, when Aragón talked to me a while back, in the Void, he gave me a book…
***
Everfree Forest
***
The Void
And I’m back in the Void again, and finally the OC’s have dispersed a little and I can reach the exit, which is a ladder made of frosting that some reader brought here a long time ago.
I touch the ladder and see the way I’m returning, and I hit my forehead with my hand so hard that I actually hurt myself. Because although I know everything when I’m in the Void, sometimes his antics surprise me.
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Really? You sure love those two, Louis.”
And I exit the Void…
***
Canterlot Castle
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Twilight?
You see, it’s easy to see that our author is not very bright. In fact, I think we all agree in that he’s a little bit stupid.
Hmm.
*BAOUM!*
Well, the book Aragón gave me was no other than our story. “Thesuperfantasticalstory”, it’s called. And, you know what? There’s a lot of stuff that’s not explained, and some things that are just weird. Like a cat-spider who appeared and then just disappeared, or a lot of cake metaphors that don’t really mean anything. Or Gummy, who suddenly disappeared too. Or my maid dress, for Celestia’s sake!
Um?
You know, usually when a writer puts a little detail like these it’s because he wants to use them later. In literature, that’s called a ‘Chekhov’s gun’, a seemingly unimportant event that will show its importance at the end of the story.
Ooh.
Our author has been making mistakes all this time, letting a lot of questions unanswered… but, and that’s an odd thing, he’s been getting better. As the story goes, the mistakes are fewer, and the old mistakes just are erased or we never heard of them anymore. Again, I’m talking about the spider kitten and Gummy.
So our author started being bad and now he’s good?
Not exactly. He started being bad, and now he’s better. But he’s still pretty bad, or so I guess.
And obviously, you’re telling us this because…?
*BOOOM!*
DON’T IGNORE ME!
I’m telling you this because, well, all the little mistakes had been erased but one. One huge mistake that makes no sense.
***
Everfree Forest
*SWOOOOOOOOOOMPH!*
***
Canterlot Castle
You see, I guess we all know by now that this story is not in a book, but on the Internet, right?
I… guess?
Well, when you post a story on the Internet, you have to tag it. And this story is tagged as “comedy” and “random” on a site that’s about ponies entirely…
So… Wait a minute…
You see it?
…Yes.
…NO. NO, DON’T TELL ME THAT…!
I’m afraid that I can’t, Discord!
You see, although our author is a little better now, he’s still one of the worst writers in existence. And there’s a funny thing about bad writers: they all make the same mistake over and over again. They always write the same kind of character…
NO!
***
The Void
…And as I exit the Void, their two bodies meet…
***
….And I recover my new body.
***
Canterlot Castle
…They’re called ‘Mary Sues’, and they’re insanely powerful and perfect and they can defeat absolutely any kind of enemy. In a story about ponies, for example, a Mary Sue is almost always an original character that’s also an alicorn…
NOOOOO!
*BAOUM!*
*CLANG!*
…Hello once again, ladies. It’s been a while.
ARAGÓN! YOU’RE BACK!
Huh?
Oh.
YOU! I WON’T ALLOW YOU TO DO IT!
Sorry, you’re a little late! So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to…
WAIT A MINUTE. DON’T TELL ME THAT HE’S…
Yes. He’s the Mary Sue. Because, Peewee, although Aragón may seem human…
…CHANGE!
There’s no ‘human’ tag in this story.
B-but…! That doesn’t make any sense!
Exactly.
YOU’RE GOING DOWN! YOU’RE-UGH!
Nah, I think that the one who’s going down is you, Discord. Because, well, now I’m invincible and I think we’ve had enough evil dudes for a while, right?
GGGGH! GGGGGGGH!!
Yes. That’s how your life ends, Discord. Killed by an alicorn. I guess you can’t go better than this.
*CRACK!*
Epilogue
*CRACK*
*Thump*
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Discord… Discord is…?
It’s gone. I’ve killed it, Pinkie.
Everything has ended.
Author’s notes:
…
…
Pinkie?
…
Are you still here or I’m alone again?
…
Hm, it seems like she’s gone. Well, now it’s time for me to go!
I don’t think so, Louis! We need to explain a couple of –wait a minute, talking like that is a pain in the ass– we need to explain a couple of things!
Louis?
The original author!
Y-you’ve met the original author?!
What?!
REALLY?
Hey, Peewee! It’s been a long time. Last time I saw you I still thought you were an invisible underlined alicorn, remember? And now it seems like the alicorn was me all the time! Hah! Man, those were the times.
I’M NOT SURE THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT FOR NOSTALGIA.
I’m with Peewee here.
Yeah! How can you be an alicorn! And who’s Louis?!
Author’s notes:
Hmm, that’s me. Hello.
I… I’m not sure what’s the first thing I need to ask.
Same here. I just… there are a lot of things that I don’t understand right now!
Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to tell you everything. Because, well, see the title of the chapter?
…”Epilogue”?
Exactly. That means that this is the last time we’ll talk, girls. And Spike. And Peewee.
…
Peewee, just a dumb question: are you…?
MALE.
Oh, ok. Thanks. Anyway, yeah, I’m going to explain everything because that’s the only way this story can end, don’t you think?
Hm. If you say so.
Oh, but can we get a little more comfortable, please? I really need to sit down…
Same here.
Couldn’t agree more.
Oh, of course. We can use the asterisks. We should go to Carousel Boutique, just because… well. Irony and that shit. Almost everything has happened in front of the store, and we can sit down at Rarity’s room.
Rarity?
Hmm, I’m okay with it, I guess.
Then let’s…
Wait!
Pinkie?
We can’t go now! There’s a thing we have to do before it’s too late!
Pinkie, what are you talking ab-
*Hug*
Welcome back.
***
Author’s notes:
Man, it would be fun to end the story here, right? Heh. Like, “sure, we’re going to explain everything, BUT THE READERS AREN’T GONNA READ SHIT!” Oh man, I really should do that.
But I’m afraid some of you may know where I live, so yeah, no. Let’s go back to the characters. If I’m lucky, Aragón won’t say a lot of things about me.
***
Carousel Boutique
…So, now we’re all here.
We’re inside Carousel Boutique, yes. The readers know it, so you can start.
But Twilight, didn’t you already know everything? You predicted that Aragón was coming back.
…And I still don’t get how the hay did she do that.
Not exactly. I realized that Aragón couldn’t be human, because there was no “human” tag. And I also deduced that he had to be a Mary Sue.
Same here. I understand the trail of thoughts that brought you to that realization, but the details… I mean, have you always been an alicorn?
Mostly. Ah, and now that you mention it, I don’t like being an equine, so if you don’t mind I’m going to change my form again.
…
Done! Neat, huh?
Um, you still have a tail.
Oh, I know. I realized I could shapeshift in the Void, and since then I keep a tail.
Uh, why?
Why not? It’s awesome! Look I can wiggle it!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Wiggle wiggle wiggle! Are you looking? Huh? Are you? Look, it’s awesome! Wiggle wiggle!
I can do it too! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
WIGGLE WIGGLE!
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!
And this is the asshole that has saved us?
Even though I love Pinkie with all my heart –platonic way, AJ–, I’m sure that in this case you can say “those are the assholes who saved us”.
Nah, she’s my mother after all.
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!
Eh, sugarcube?
WIGGL-Yes?
Um, we know that you’re having a good time with your tail, but, eh…
Cut it out, princess. You can wiggle your tail later.
Uh. Sorry.
So, please, let me start with this. You are an alicorn, and if I’m not wrong, Twilight, you say that he’s been an alicorn all this time?
That would be an option, but I don’t really think it’s the right answer. I mean, for what I’ve deduced from the book… Oh, wait. Aragón, maybe you want to say this.
Nah, not really. Go on, I want to see what do you think.
Hmmm.
LATER, SPIKE. LET HER SPEAK FIRST.
I know, I know…
Well, then allow me to explain everything from the beginning once again, because last time I said this I was in a hurry.
As I said before, when I went back to the Void before freezing Discord with Pinkamena’s help, Aragón gave me a book. It was called Oh, let’s write a fanfic, let’s write a fanfic! I’ll call it “thesuperfantasticalstory!”, and the author’s name was Aragón.
Uh. I know that book.
Me too! It’s the book we read before Discord killed Aragón!
Um, but how did it…?
When Discord and Chrysalis attacked, they destroyed the book. Or at least that’s what I think, maybe I’m wrong and it appeared in the Void just because Louis wanted it to be there. Both options are entirely possible.
Oh. And that book is our story?
Yes. Everything that had happened to us was written… except for the ending.
The book writes itself, but only until the last chapter, not the one you’re into.
So you can see your past?
Yes. Aragón made me read it all, and that’s when I noticed that the beginning was far worse than the ending. There were a lot of mistakes, but they disappeared with time… except for the “human” tag, which never did. Aragón had said to me earlier that I should be looking at the tags, so I found that very quickly.
Uuuh. What kind of… mistakes are you talking about?
Hmm? Oh! Spike! You’re an author too, I completely forgot it! Eh, well, I was kidding when I said that you were so bad, I just… Maybe you need an editor?
I’M SORRY?
Ack! Eh, I just…!
Awk-waaaard…
Oh, Spike, don’t be sad! The story was pretty good, I had a lot of fun!
Eeeh. Maybe you’re exaggerating a little here, Pinkie…
Sigh.
It’s not your fault, Spike. Really. You’re not a bad author. Louis is.
Author’s notes:
HEY!
After all, you didn’t know I was an alicorn, right?
…!
…!
Yeah! That’s what I wanted to ask. I mean, I’m your author! How can you be an alicorn if I wrote you as a human all the time!
Aaand here’s where the weird stuff begins, I guess.
Oh, my.
Okay, so let’s recapitulate. Who’s the real author and how does everything work? Because I’m afraid I’m lost too.
Let’s see. Aragón is our author. And by “us” I mean Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity and me. Right?
Not exactly. I think that Pinkie may be not my creation, but Spike’s. After all, I never wrote her. She just appeared when I was getting started with the fanfic, remember?
Yeah!
So… only Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Twilight are Aragón’s creations?
Yes. I wrote Aragón as a writer who wrote about you –but only you. Pinkie was another character of mine, I guess, although I don’t see the difference between you and them because, well, technically I wrote about all of you!
What?
I guess nopony has thought about this before, but I’m your author too, girls! I mean, I had an idea for a story, and it was about Aragón, a human writer, meeting Pinkie and writing about you, girls. He was a bad author and he shipped you, so you became alive and… well, everything else.
Oh my god, you’re right. You’re the one who wrote everything on the first place!
Huh. Wait a minute, you paired me with Dash?!
Oh, god, not again. Yeah, you were shipped and now you’re a couple, that subplot was done years ago so let’s forgive it, please.
Funny that you’re the one saying that.
Shut up.
Then Spike is everypony’s author? And Peewee is the editor… but how can Peewee be in the story? I mean, I guess you’re fictional too, but…
…
HEY, I DON’T KNOW. I ALWAYS ASSUMED THIS WAS NORMAL.
Being inside a book. That’s normal.
YOU DIDN’T THINK IT WAS WEIRD THAT SUDDENLY AN AUTHOR COULD CONTROL YOU, REMEMBER?
Oh my…
I’m afraid that I’m starting to get a headache. So, both Spike and Aragón are our authors or…?
Hey, I think we’re doing this backwards. Maybe we should start talking about the highest level, and not about the lowest one, don’t you think.
The highest level… which is Louis’, right?
Exactly. Let’s start with the douchebag.
Author’s notes:
No, really, stop insulting me. It’s totally wrong and you know it.
So, okay, the highest one is the dude inside a box. But who is he? I mean, is he another human or…?
That is… a tricky question. Well, first of all, “Louis” is not his real name.
It’s not?
But then why are you calling him that?
Because it’s a little less confusing. “Louis” is just a nickname he came up with. I guess we could say that it’s a joke of some sort.
A joke? I don’t get it.
But then, what is his name?
Author’s notes:
Well, I guess that I can say it. I mean, this is the epilogue, right? It’s not like I’m breaking the mystery. After this, there aren’t more chapters, so…
You’re going to say it or I have to do it for you?
Why the hell do you know so much suddenly? Because of the Void?
The Void? You mean that strange afterlife you keep talking about? I thought it was because of the book he read about how to write…
Nah, none of them. The reason why I’m suddenly smart as a smart waffle is by far more ridiculous.
And it’s because…?
Because of Louis’s real identity, of course.
Which is…?!
Author’s notes:
Eeeeh, how can I say it? Let’s see… Hum. This is awkward.
My name is… I’m Aragón, girls.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Three, two, one…
WHAT?!
Boom.
THE HELL?! YOU’RE NAM-OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! THAT’S THE REASON WHY ARAGÓN’S CREDITED AS THE AUTHOR IN THE BOOK! THIS SHIT HAS BEEN IN FRONT OF ME ALL THE TIME AND I HAVEN’T SEEN IT?!
I-I… I don’t… what?!
That’s it, it’s official! I’m completely lost! There’s no way I can understand this, so for now I’m going to stay in the corner and look cool! See you when you’ve finished!
But, but then who’s Aragón? You two have the same name?
I WAS SURE I CAME UP WITH YOUR NAME! HOW CAN YOU…?!
SO, SPIKE, YOU NAMED YOUR CHARACTER AS YOUR AUTHOR? OR HE NAMED ARAGÓN AS HIMSELF?
But, are you the same person or you just…? Where’s the joke?!
Author’s notes:
Weell, it’s not really a “joke”, it’s more like an easter egg of some sort. You see, Louis Aragon was a French writer, poet and editor, master of Dadaism and Surrealism. You know, those two genres that talk about alternative realities and random things. It suited this situation a lot, so I used the name “Louis” although I have nothing to do with him.
…
…
…
Oh Celestia.
SO YOU WERE… HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT.
Author’s notes:
From the readers, mostly. I mean, it’s on the website. Author: Aragón. I’m the one who post the chapters, who answers the comments, my avatar is a tower, I’m writing everything you’re saying, etcetera. Also, I’m a Spaniard. That means that English is not my first language, so that’s the reason why you suddenly don’t know how to talk properly. Hell, I’m talking via author’s notes and I’ve been posting this kind of notes all the time. Yet some of them think I’m a character. I guess I’m too clever for them.
…Okay, so, you’re inserting yourself in this story.
Author’s notes:
…You could say that, yeah.
I’m not very fond on books, but I’m pretty sure that’s a bad thing.
Oh, believe me, it gets far worse. Remember that I said that I know everything because of this guy’s identity? Remember that I’m also named Aragón? And remember that even though you died too, only I knew everything in the Void? Why am I so special?
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…no.
Yes.
…no!
Yyyyessss.
You inserted yourself in your story twice?!
Oh God.
Even I’m surprised. I mean… Woah.
Author’s notes:
Oh, please. It’s not so bad!
Not so bad? Louis, you wrote me as a self-insert-mary-sue monster, and when I became a character on my own (which is a GOOD thing, because storytelling does that), you wrote yourself again so you could still be the fucking protagonist!
Holy feathers. That’s… is that even possible?
MY EDITOR’S SENSES ARE TINGLING. AND BY “TINGLING” I MEAN “THEY HURT LIKE HELL”.
Author’s notes:
Oh, shut up.
Dude, just admit it! I mean, Mary Sues, Deux ex machines, grammar mistakes and two self-inserts? You’re the Hitler of writing!
Author’s notes:
GODWIN’S LAW! I WIN THIS ARGUMENT, YOU MENTIONED HITLER! Also, I’ve never written a Deux ex machine! Everything I’ve used has been previously established!
Yeah, sure, ‘cept for that time when suddenly everypony knew that you can heal your wounds with sugar, even though it’s never explained!
Author’s notes:
STILL! GODWIN’S LAW!
Hey, Aragón! I mean, Aragón-with-a-tail! What’s Godwin’s law?
Hmm? Oh, it’s a silly thing that we humans have. You see, there was this crazy dude named Adolf, who was…
Oh, wait! Never mind, it’s not really important! I just wanted you to stop arguing.
Oh.
Also, you’re going to travel in space and time.
Wait, what?
*Inserts meeting of Aragón with Aragón*
*Plof!*
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…I’m not even surprised anymore. What –sigh– what was that, Pinkie?
Oh, just a silly thing I’ve remembered when Aragón has mentioned Godwin’s law! You see, he was the one who told me about sugar healing our wounds, and that the readers could interact with us. He travelled in time, and I remembered him having a tail, so I knew it was the time!
Hey, now that you mention it, I’ve read about this.
Yeah… but it’s still a little weird.
…I think the same.
That book sure it’s handy.
Ssso we can travel in time now?
Author’s notes:
Nah, it’s more like a one-time thing. I think he’s already returning…
*Plof!*
…
Author’s notes:
Now, I think someone owes me an apology?
…
Hey Aragón! How’s it been? Past is cool, right?
…Asshole. Louis, I mean.
Author’s notes:
Eat it, dumbass!
Eh… What just…?
Oh, I read about this. Aragón has given an explanation for the sugar-can-heal-us thing. So it’s not a Deux ex machine anymore. And even more, now the story has foreshadowing.
Oooh.
…
So…
Are you going to start explaining things or…?
Oh, yeah! Sorry. Let’s see, eh… Okay. Let’s start from the beginning.
Finally.
First thing first: this is a story. I highly doubt I’m surprising someone when I say this. Everything started with Louis. He came up with a story, and he started to write.
The story he wrote was about Spike writing a story… but the fact that the author was Spike was a mystery, of course. Spike was writing my story, and I was writing yours. Then I failed, and you became alive and crazy stuff all night long, as you already know.
That still doesn’t explain…
Be patient, Spike. What you need to understand is that Louis wrote everything from the beginning. He imagined Spike writing a story, but in his mind, Spike could write only about a human writing about ponies, because he thought the idea was funny… and it also gave him the opportunity to insert himself in the story. So, when we say that you’re my author or that I’m Twilight’s author, in reality we’re not saying anything. Louis is the author, hands down. We’re characters -some of us may be higher or lower, yeah, but we’re still characters from a story.
That… I don’t know if that makes sense.
Hmm. Let’s put it this way: Spike wrote about me, but he was controlled by Louis the entire time, right? At least at the beginning. And I wrote you, but I was controlled by Spike –who was controlled by Louis. In the end, who’s the author of who is a silly question, because Louis is the author. So, a character can interact with his author, because this is a story after all.
That’s a very complicated way to say “this is fiction, so a person can enter his own story because the final author is stupid”.
I guess. But this also means that Louis can write a self-insert no matter the level. He controls everything.
Author’s notes:
Eyup.
But even with Aragón controlling, me, how can you be an alicorn if I’m your author?
I think you don’t get it, Spike. You wrote Aragón, but Louis wrote you writing Aragón… so he could write Aragón being an alicorn without your knowledge. Am I right?
Yes.
So you’re an alicorn because Louis wanted his self-insert to be powerful and omnipotent?
Yeah.
But sometimes you were narrated, and the narrator said that you were a human!
Well, I narrated Aragón a couple of times –mostly at the beginning, before Greentalk captured me– and I talked about him as a human. Because as far as I knew he was a human…
Let me guess: after that, Louis was the one narrating, right?
Author’s notes:
Yes. I kept calling him “human” because I wanted to keep the fact that he was an alicorn a mystery! Although I left some clues, like not using a “human” tag. He can heal with sugar too, and only ponies can do that –another proof that he was an alicorn all this time.
And of course, he didn’t know because…?
Hey, I know this one! Because he’s stupid!
Rainbow Dash, you’ve been being rude all this time, stop it!
Then Louis wrote everything, and… he didn’t write very well, right?
That’s what I saw, yes. Gummy, for example. Or the computer. Or Sweetie Belle… a lot of things appeared and suddenly disappeared.
Author’s notes:
Hey, I can’t be perfect.
I see that as sort of foreshadowing for the incredibly stupid ending. This is a story so bad-written that the only way it can end is with a Deux ex machine as big as Texas, don’t you think?
Author’s notes:
Another proof of my genius!
…I wouldn’t say that, but if you want to be happy…
I’m starting to feel like the only one who really wants some answers, girls, because I’m the only one who’s asking questions… Anyway, you’re an alicorn and there have been a lot of hints, we get it. But what about Greentalk, for example?
I THINK I CAN ANSWER THAT. GREENTALK WERE BOTH CHRYSALIS AND DISCORD FROM THE START. THEY WERE FROM OUR WORLD –MINE AND SPIKE’S- AND… I GUESS THAT’S ALL. THEY WERE EVIL. THE END.
But… but why were they evil?
I gave Discord a lecture about that, now that you mention it. They were evil for the sake of being evil… because, well, they were free. Louis doesn’t control us anymore, remember? Or… wait, do you control us?
Author’s notes:
…
Not really. I mean, I wanted this to be a silly comedy and you just killed someone, so you can clearly see that you have as much free will as possible. I’m writing the script, but you’re the ones who run the show.
Good. So, as I was saying, Greentalk were evil for the sake of being evil. That’s really it. They could have been good guys if they had tried, but they were too scared.
AND BEING FROM MY WORLD, THEY WERE WAY HIGHER THAN YOU… AND DISCORD WAS SO POWERFUL THAT HIS LEVEL DIDN’T REALLY MATTER.
Yeah. He was very… Very… Wait. Rainbow Dash?
Yes?
Are you in this room? With us? I mean, can I see you?
Uuuh, yes?
Oh my.
Then can someone explain me why I’m still acting as a rational being and not bathing in Dash’s intestines, please? Because last time I checked, I was still a villain.
…
…
Uh…
…
Well, maybe you’re a hero now!
Frankly, I’m almost hoping that’s not the case, because that means…
Author’s notes:
Of course you’re a hero now! Aragón the alicorn has defeated all the evilness you had inside, and now you can live a happy life because of him!
Oh Celestia, I’ve been reading books all my life so I could be in a story like this?!
Woah.
That’s… that’s fabulous, but, eh…
Although I should be grateful because now I’m not going to kill my friends, I really wish you could have come up with something better, Louis. Really.
You know, it’s amazing how I’m the closest thing to a waifu you’ll ever have and I still hate you. Just… wow.
Hey, don’t be so cruel! He’s trying to help us and the only thing you do is criticize him!
Author’s notes:
Thank you, Pinkie. At least someone knows how to react properly.
You’re welcome!
Oh, yeah, that’s another one. Do you guys remember canon-Pinkie and canon-Twilight? Or Canon-Pinkie and Canon-Twilight, you can name it whatever you want.
Oh, the two weirdos that appeared at the final battle?
Where are they? Who are they, by the way?
They are here. And technically talking, they are me.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
They were like a door or something… a way for me to come back from the Void. They were made of sugar, after all, and Twilight and Pinkie are Louis’ favorites, so it makes sense, in a sick sort of way. I’m his self-insert and his Mary Sue –and his, ugh, waifu or something– so when those two became one, that one was me. I’m, like, the epitome of bad writing. A Deux ex machine meets a plothole and becomes a Mcguffin Mary Sue while resurrecting an original character no one really cares about. That’s skill, you need to admit it.
So… that’s the reason why they talked that way?
Author’s notes:
Yes. They were always under my control, because they weren’t exactly “alive”, just puppets. They talked that way because that’s the only thing that came to my mind.
So your body is formed by…?
Please, don’t think about it too much.
You say that… Pinkie and Twilight are Louis’ favorites?
Well, it makes sense.
What?
I mean, look at it! Everything that happens, it happens because Twilight or Pinkamena or Pinkie or Aragón have something to do with it. The only thing that doesn’t have any of them as a protagonist is, well… y’know. You and me.
And that can be explained as the author being an AppleDash fan, so absolutely everything that’s happened is a sick representation of Louis’ fetishes.
Hey, but that’s good! You have to write what you like, right?
There are exceptions, Pinkie.
Anyway, I think that’s everything, right? You know who Louis is, you know who’s your author…
Fluttershy is only controlled by Louis, right?
Yes. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are controlled by Aragón, so they’re the lowest ones. Spike is the one who controls Pinkie and Aragón. Pinkie is my author, and Louis controls Spike, Peewee and Greentalk… at least until they died.
If you put it that way, it’s easy to see why we died. Rarity, Rainbow, Applejack and me, I mean. We were the weaker ones.
Oh, but you’re not weak! You did an amazing job at the fight!
But even thinking that, we have to admit that we were lucky. Because, well, we were the only ones Aragón could resurrect. What would have happened if Fluttershy had died instead?
…I could have been resurrected by Louis, right?
You could have been resurrected by Aragón too, I guess. I mean, he’s as powerful as can be, so…
BUT WOULD THAT BE ENOUGH? TECHNICALLY TALKING, FLUTTERSHY IS ABOVE ARAGÓN, SO HE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO INTERACT WITH HER POSITION AS A CHARACTER.
It’s like if I died. I’m Aragón’s author, so he couldn’t resurrect me. Right?
I’m… not very sure, now that you ask me.
How can you not know this? Aren’t you like, a literal know-it-all by now?
Well, that’s what I thought, but this proves otherwise. Louis?
Author’s notes:
It’s a tricky question. On the one hand, authorhood…
That’s not a word.
Author’s notes:
It is now. Authorhood is something more than just “power”. Greentalk couldn’t have resurrected you either, because you’re not tier creations. You can kill almost everybody if you have enough power, but only your author can bring you back to life.
You said “almost”. Are you talking about…?
Author’s notes:
There are some exceptions, and you’re one of them, yes. You, Fluttershy, couldn’t have been killed by Greentalk… but that’s because you’re completely different from them. You were born out of irony, remember?
Oh…
How… convenient.
What?
I was just thinking… I know that Fluttershy couldn’t be hurt by Greentalk. Only I can hurt her, because a bunch of reasons I already explained, but… Now that I can think about it more calmly, it doesn’t really make sense.
I, for once, think that I can understand what you’re thinking about. Both Greentalk and Fluttershy were created by Louis, so… they were in the same level, right?
Well, Fluttershy only appeared here because our dear author had decided that I had to be ridiculed, so she wasn’t going to appear here according to his plans. Greentalk was completely different, because Louis wanted to write them here from scratch. And that mumbo-jumbo just means that, well, Fluttershy was immune.
It didn’t really matter a lot after all, right? It’s not like Greentalk tried to directly attack her. They just knew it wasn’t going to work.
How did they know that is easily explained too, right? They knew a lot because usually villains are more powerful than the heroes so you can add a little tension to the story. And here, knowledge is the best weapon…
But then again… How convenient. Right? And I’m not just talking about Fluttershy. Why didn’t Discord kill Spike from the beginning? Why did Chrysalis kill Aragón shortly after killing Twilight and the others? Sure, they couldn’t kill Fluttershy and I was the central piece of their plan so I couldn’t be attacked. But, why Aragón?
Well, it was either him or Pinkie, right?
Yes!
Yeah, but having Pinkie killed was far more useful than zapping Aragón. They didn’t even try to hit her.
But if Aragón hadn’t died, then…
Everything would have gone down the toilet?
Yeah…
Without Aragón killed, nopony would have been resurrected and Pinkamena would have killed Fluttershy, so…
It’s like if they had been controlled so we could win.
…
You know… Only an author can resurrect you. Because he created you, right?
That seems to be the case.
That… that sounds a lot like…
…Like the human idea of “God”, right?
Yeah.
A god… like Discord?
No. It’s more like an omnipresent thingy that just controls everything. It’s like Fate, I guess… everything you do is observed, and although you’re kind of free…
You’re an actor in a theater, and somebody else has written the script. You can try to act on your own, but you would en being guided, it doesn’t matter if you want it that way.
That’s possibly the worst description of the human faith in something superior that I’ve ever heard.
Well, she’s a pony, y’know.
That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we’ve suffered a lot, and we shouldn’t forget that we are fictional after all. Louis can control us, and although we think we’re free, we can’t be sure.
But… We…
We’re insulting him all the time. There’s no way a guy like him would control us so he can insult himself.
But what if this is a game? What if he just likes to see us dance? Every author is a bastard, because you can’t write a story without a character suffering a little. What if everything was scripted from the beginning? What if Greentalk was always Louis and we’re also nothing more than mindless puppets? What if he’s making us doubt of our freedom just because he finds it funny? He can control everything. Everything.
THAT IS… SCARY.
But that… that would mean…
That would mean that he killed five of us just because he thought the story would be better that way. That would mean that Applejack and Rainbow Dash had been suffering a sick relationship based on a lie and all the emotional pain that comes with it because he was bored. We’ve been thinking all this time that this was an accident, that both Discord and Chrysalis became sentient and decided that they would be the villains just because they were bad-written. But… what if that’s not what happened?
Author’s notes:
…
We’re calling him an idiot, but maybe he’s just pretty clever and tries to hide it from us. Maybe he’s just playing dumb. And after everything it’s done, he puts these words in my mouth because he wants us to doubt ourselves. Maybe he’s been playing all this time and everything was going to happen? After all, Aragón himself said that Greentalk’s apparition was scripted.
Well, it was, but I’m sure that they just went out of control. This is a comedy after all. They were expected to be as stupid as me. Yeah, they were villains, but the kind of villain you laugh at, not the one who kills you and torture your bird.
I’M STARTING TO GROW TIRED OF THAT APPELATIVE. WE PHOENIXES ARE MORE THAN JUST “BIRDS”, THANK YOU.
I’m with Aragón here. If we think that Louis is a genius playing with us, then we need to doubt everything, and that’s… that’s just paranoid. I think the simplest answer is the correct one, Pinkamena. Discord and Chrysalis didn’t kill Pinkie because she was too powerful –you saw her in the fight!
I know. But still… there’s a possibility, and you know it. We think that we broke free, but maybe that’s the joke. We’ve never been free after all.
But there’s no way we can know if we are free or just controlled without knowing it…
And that only makes the situation much more terrifying.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Author’s notes:
…
…It’s your choice.
What?
Author’s notes:
I said that it’s your choice. No matter what I say, you won’t believe it. So I guess it’s your choice. You can’t know the truth, but you can guess. And maybe you’ll be right. There’s no way you’ll be sure about your decision, but that’s what life is about, right?
If we’re being controlled, then we’re not alive.
But… If we feel like it, even a fake live becomes real, right? I mean, we think we’re alive, we act like we’re alive, we do stuff like alive things… What’s the difference between being fictional and real if this is the case? We don’t need to make a fuss about it.
The difference is that one thing is a lie and the other is real.
You know… I once thought the same, but someone taught me that sometimes, what’s a lie and what’s the truth is not an absolute. It’s more like your decision.
If you feel it’s real love, then it’s real love even though it’s fake, right?
What?
Nothing you need to worry about, Pinkie. Just an old talk we had.
Author’s notes:
You don’t know what they’re talking about? Didn’t you read the entire story, Pinkie?
I left some things unread. A lady always knows when to look away. Right, Rarity?
Uh? Oh. Yes, indeed. I’m surprised you know such a thing, Pinkie!
Heheh!
But still, even though you may think that…
Pinkamena… You know, I think that there’s no truth and there’s no lies here. Maybe it’s our choice after all. Maybe it doesn’t matter.
…
Maybe… maybe what we need to ask ourselves is what we would like to do. Be optimistic or being pessimistic? Think the best or the worst?
…
I’ve spent all my existence being pessimistic. It’s not like I’ve had the choice, having to murder my friends all day, you know.
Well, maybe it’s time for you to change then.
Yeah! Being happy is fun, you should try it!
I think the same.
…
Oh, come on. Don’t be a party pooper.
…Sigh.
I guess I won’t think about it then. It’s not like I have a choice with you all being like this, really. There you have, Louis. I think you’re an idiot instead of a genius. Did I pick the right option?
Author’s notes:
I’m afraid you’ll never know.
***
***
***
So, what are we going to do now?
I don’t really know. Louis?
Author’s notes:
I’m not doing anything. The story has ended, so I’m not needed here. Bye.
Bye!
SO… WE JUST DISSAPEAR OR…?
No. When you finish a story, the characters are still alive in your mind. So we’re never going to die, unless something kills us before the actual end of the story.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Y’know, I kinda expected that something random would have killed us by now.
I guess “irony” doesn’t work anymore.
So… now we just end the chapter? Like that?
Aw, that would be boring!
Yeah! Can’t we, like, go out with a bang?
I would really like a peaceful end. Although it’s not really an end. There are a lot of things we have to do, right?
I would like to spend some time with Rainbow, yeah. That’ll be good.
Uh.
And we need to find gummy! And that spider kitten!
…You can leave that last thing out.
Oh, we also need to work on your dress, Twilight. The “maid” look goes pretty well with your fur, but I’m sure that with a little changes…
Oh snap.
And I could show you our world, Pinkamena! Now that you’re a hero, it will be amazing! Although… I don’t really know where we are exactly going. I mean… are we still in Equestria?
I… I don’t know!
WELL, THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
Yeah! And we could work with a new story, Peewee!
THAT WOULD BE FUN.
And I can hang out with you! Yeah, you still kinda hate me, but that’s better than nothing, right? I’m a brony after all.
Meh.
Oh, we don’t hate you!
Thanks.
And you’re an alicorn! That’s going to be amazing, right? There’s so much fun you can have with an alicorn friend!
Yeah! I’m an alicorn, and that’s awesome! And I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay this way a looooong time!
Eyup. A loooong time. What was the long pause for?
Another chance for the irony to show up. But I guess that without Louis working, there’s no more irony. What a shame.
CERTAINLY.
Hey, have you noticed that the readers aren’t showing up a lot lately?
I guess that the door is finally closed.
Door?
Or tissue in the time and space, or whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t really matter. Pinkie and Peewee had a lot of fun talking about that stuff at the beginning.
Huh.
So, farewell to the readers then?
Yes! Goodbye to all of you!
Bye!
It’s been a pleasure.
Goodbye, and thank you for all your help!
Bye!
FAREWELL.
Um, goodbye.
See ya later! Or never, I don’t know.
Nah, I highly doubt that a sequel is possible. What would we do?
Anyway, I guess this is finally the end.
Goodbye.
And thank you.
And now, girls and Spike and Peewee, if you excuse me, I think I’m going to narrate for the last time. Okay?
Okay!
If you want to…
Ahem.
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sky was blue, the sun was shining…
…and everything went perfectly fine.
Epilogue: Uh, okay, I'm pretty sure this shouldn't be an epilogue at all. So... would you please ignore the title? This is a little embarrasing, you see. And, um, try not to look at it when you read this again?
.: L O A D I N G :.
.: L O A D I N G :.
Beep.
Good morning, and welcome to the first scenario of the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER. We're glad to offer you our services. Please, remember that the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER scenarios do not follow a linear timeline; future and past scenarios are not only possible, but completely expected. Please, do not observe the following scenario until you've made it till [ THIRD CHAPTER: OH, FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE, NOW I MESSED UP THE TITLE TOO... ]
If you decide to continue the following scenario without reading the aforementioned chapter, we do not take responsibility for secondary effects such as spoilers, forced timelines, impossible scenarios and/or death by snakes. We do not take responsibility for secondary effects such as spoilers, forced timelines, impossible scenarios and/or death by snakes even if you have successfully read the aforementioned chapter.
You will be given an opportunity to skip the following scenario in three, two, one...
You decided to continue with the following scenario. Downloading file...
The only thing Pinkamena saw was something that looked like a cloud, only far denser and completely white. She couldn't move, she couldn't look away, and she didn't know where the hell she was. The only thing she could see was that white cloud.
It surrounded her, and then she heard a poof noise, and then it dissappeared. Just like that.
First thing she noticed: she could move now. Second thing: she was completely alone. Third thing: she was in what seemed to be Twilight's library, standing right in front of one of the seemingly endless shelves of that tree.
"Okay," she muttered, "this doesn't look good at all."
Well, she had no idea what was happening. The story had ended, right? They had defeated Greentalk, and then the happy ending had come, and then...
Oh, right. Then Aragón had said that 'it' wasn't over. Cue giant, weird cloud and random library out of nowhere.
"Well, fuck me," she said. "Are you telling me we're doing this again?"
"Pinkamena?"
Apparently she wasn't completely alone, Pinkamena thought as she turned around to the main door of the library. There it was, right in front of her: Twilight Sparkle, wearing that maid dress of her, holding a cup of something hot with her telekinesis. The unicorn closed the door and smiled at her warmly. "Welcome to my realm," she said, approaching her. "I'm glad you could make it."
"Twilight?" Pinkamena frowned and examined her friend. She looked happy. "Is it really you? What's happening? Where am I?"
“Answering your first question, I think I'm really me," replied Twilight. She took a sip of the liquid in his cup –tea, Pinkamena thought; it smelled like tea– and after a little sigh, she smiled again. "However, we can't really be sure, right? After all, if I wasn't Twilight, I wouldn't tell you."
"It was a rhetorical question," said Pinkamena. "You see, I don't have any fucking idea where I am right now. Or what is happening. Or... well, I don't have any idea about anything, period." She licked her lips and looked at Twilight. "But, you know, this is getting old. I bet that I can ask whatever I want, but you're going to get all cryptic on me, and then nothing will be clear and something exciting or stupid will happen and then BAM! End of the chapter. It's what always happens in here."
Twilight said nothing, taking another sip of tea instead. Pinkamena took it as a chance to keep talking.
"Well," she said, "I guess that I am right then. So." She looked around. "We're in your tree."
Twilight swallowed her tea. "Eyup."
"And we're alone?"
"Eeeyup."
"And you talked about this place as 'your realm'."
"If I remember correctly, that's what I did."
"Which is probably the most ominous name you can give to what otherwise looks like an ordinary tree."
Twilight chuckled. "That's your opinion."
"So... yeah." Pinkamena kicked the floor. "This is definitely fishy as hell. Either you're not Twilight or this isn't your house. Or both." She snorted. “Both looks like the most probable option here.”
“Hmm?” Twilight finally finished her tea. With a ‘poof!’, the cup disappeared. “Well, that’s certainly an interesting theory. I guess you’re still a clever one.”
“Why would I stop being clever?” Pinkamena sighed. “See? This is what I was talking about. The real Twilight wouldn’t just stand there and say ambiguous things about everything. You’re clearly an impostor… or another alternative Twilight.” She frowned and looked at the ceiling. “Or this could be the future. It’s not like it would be a surprise, after all… We’ve messed with timelines a lot already. Is this the future?”
“Do you really think I will answer that question?” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I mean, come on, girl. I’m being cryptic, you’ve been teleported here without any kind of explanation, the situation is mysterious as can be… Do you really think I will just say ‘it’s the future’ and call it a day? That would be stupid.”
Pinkamena nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. So, this is the future?”
“Of course it is.”
“Predictable.” Pinkamena yawned. “Okay, so let me guess again, because you’re not going to tell me anything unless I am the one speaking–”
“Technically,” Twilight said, “I will tell you a lot of things if you let me. It’s just that I’m going to be obscure as hell.”
“But if I guess something and it turns out to be right, you’re going to say something funny or mysterious about it,” said Pinkamena. “Or you’re going to smile, or something like that.”
“True. It’s how this entire thing works.”
“Yeah.” The earth pony smiled. “You know, Greentalk was never this meta. It’s refreshing.”
“Thank you!” Twilight smiled back. “I try to learn from everybody. Even Greentalk can teach you a couple things, if you know where to look.”
“Obviously, that means you’re not Greentalk.”
“Well, I’m not talking in green.” Twilight chuckled. “That should give you a clue, right?”
“Also you’re acting as a very nice gal.”
“Eyup.”
“Which means you’re not nice. At all.”
“Eeeyup.”
“You’re the next villain of this story.”
“Bullseye!”
“Well, at least you’re being open about it.” Pinkamena turned around and started to walk through that library she knew so well. “Ok, so you’re a baddie. Usually, this is the point in which I would ask you why am I here, or what is this place, or where is everypony.”
“That would be the standard procedure,” said Twilight. “Aaaand you’re not gonna do that?”
“It would be stupid, and you would answer something stupid.” Pinkamena shook her head. “No. You see, I’m sure this is going to end soon, so I want to be efficient.” She turned to Twilight. “You see, I was going to ask you who you are. But then I realized –it would be useless, as the narration is telling me you’re Twilight.”
“Exactly.” Twilight sat on the floor. “But we have a very unreliable narrator, right? Maybe she’s lying?”
“It could be possible.” Pinkamena nodded. “But if that’s the case, then why would you be so open about being the villain? Where’s the drama in that? This story is pretty simple: it always tries to surprise the reader at the last moment.”
“True.”
“And the real Twilight Sparkle being the villain would be a pretty big surprise, right?”
“Yes.” Twilight sighed. “You see? That’s the bad thing about the clever ones. You’re no fun. If you’re not going to scream or cry for help, then what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing at all.” Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. “Come on, I’ve killed countless ponies. You’re not going to scare me.”
“I see that,” Twilight said. “I mean, I guess that I was already expecting you to be so impassive, but this is a little ridiculous. I’m bringing you to my house without any warning and telling you I’m a villain, and you’re not even blinking. Bet that if I told you I was going to kill you you would just laugh.”
“Been there, done that, honey.”
The unicorn shook her head, apparently disappointed. “Well, that’s what I get when I try to scare the only friend of mine that started her career as a cold-blooded killer.”
“You also went for the genius,” Pinkamena said. “Forgive my humility.”
“No sense being humble when it’s you who’s talking.” Twilight smiled. “However, you should at least give me a chance, right? To scare you and the like.”
“I guess.”
“Hmm.” Twilight waved a hoof to point at the entire house. “You see this? The library?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not my real library.”
“Woah. I’m totes surprised.”
“Save me the sarcasm.” Twilight stuck out her tongue at Pinkamena. “Well, so yeah. This is not my real library. Of course, that forces me to explain that technically nothing is real, because we’re in a fanfic. Even if we were in the main story and we went to my house, it wouldn’t be my real library at all.”
“Of course. We’re all fictional, after all.”
“Yes. But obviously, what I mean here is that this is not the library that exists in the world where you fought Greentalk.”
Pinkamena licked her lips. “I see. So, what is this?”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you the exact thing,” Twilight said, “but I guess that telling you this is a computer simulation is ambiguous enough, right?”
Pinkamena blinked. “Excuse me, but what?”
“Oh, a normal reaction!” Twilight clapped her hooves in excitement. “Finally!”
“Did you just said what I think you said?”
“If you’re not sure, you can read the sentence again.” Twilight shrugged. “We all can break the fourth wall, after all.”
“What the everlasting fuck?!”
“It’s just that some of us can break the fourth wall a little better than you.” Twilight smirked. “You can’t read the beginning of this chapter, but trust me –this is a computer.”
“Is this a sci-fi shit now?! How does that work?!”
“Well, we’ve always been in the Internet, so technically this shouldn’t be considered sci-fi,” the unicorn said. “You could say we’re just going even more meta.”
“That’s fucking stupid!”
“Yeah, you can also word it that way.” Twilight shrugged. “It has a justification, of course. Why are we a computer simulation? Well, I’m not telling you. You can think about this as a knock-off of the Matrix, but it’s not like that, at all.” She frowned and looked at her hooves. “Wait, I think that didn’t make sense for you.” She raised her head. “Well, that was for the readers then, I guess.”
“Excuse me, but you’re not making any sense!” Pinkamena approached Twilight and looked right in the eye. “You’re telling me that we are literally inside a computer?”
“We’ve always been–”
“I mean inside of the story!” Pinkamena waved a hoof. “Yes, we’re fictional; yes, we’ve been always on the Internet so that means we’re always in a computer, but I am not talking about that! I’m asking if, inside our story, we’re in a computer too!”
“Well, there’s no way I’m gonna answer that,” replied Twilight, annoyed. “Go figure, that would be stupid!”
Pinkamena sighed. “So this is a computer?”
“A computer simulation, yes.” Twilight said.
“And of course, when you said ‘my realm’, you were referring to the entire simulation, not just this tree.” Pinkamena sighed. “And… wait a fucking minute –are we real?”
“I don’t know. Are we?”
Pinkamena rolled her eyes. “No, we aren’t. Stupid question, my bad. Are we digital projections of our fictional selves?”
“I don’t know. Are we?”
“You think you’re funny?”
“Everything’s funny when you’re in control,” replied Twilight with a smirk. “You see, you were right with the bit about my realm. This is a fictional, non-logical space completely under my will.”
“But I can move.” Pinkamena frowned. “And you were annoyed before… so you’re not controlling me. Not completely, at least.”
“I could have been faking that. Maybe I like to play with you?”
“That’s not your style.” Pinkamena shook her head. “I know you, Twilight. You’re not stupid. If you could control me, you would be doing it. Why take any risks with me? I’m dangerous. So you lied –this is your realm, but you’re not the boss yet.”
Twilight said nothing, still smirking. Then, her horn gleamed, and the same cup as before appeared in the air, again filled with what smelled like tea. Red tea, specifically, thought Pinkamena.
“Good one,” said the unicorn. “Quite the logic leap you’ve taken there.”
“There’s more,” Pinkamena said. “You’re a unicorn. No wings.” She pointed at Twilight’s back. “You think I didn’t notice that? I know you were supposed to be an alicorn. It’s the kind of information that our author and readers would know, after all.”
“So you know it because the readers knew it?”
“Exactly! But here’s the thing: in this fanfic, I’ve never seen you with wings.” Pinkamena shook her head. “You were a unicorn during the first story, and only turned an alicorn later. So, I can’t imagine you flying.”
Twilight said nothing.
“So, let’s recapitulate a little, okay?” Pinkamena’s eyes gleamed. “This is a computer simulation, you said. Those usually mess with your brain, right? Matrix comes to mind right now.”
“…This is not like the Matrix,” muttered Twilight.
“Doesn’t matter.” Pinkamena waved a hoof dismissively. “The important bit here is: in your mind?” she pointed at Twilight. “You’re an alicorn. In the readers? You’re an alicorn.” She pointed at her head. “But here? You’re still a unicorn, honey. And if I can decide how do I choose to see you, then you’re not almighty.”
Twilight said nothing.
“And as I said,” Pinkamena continued, “you’re practical. If you were in control of that, you would appear as an alicorn, because it’s more powerful. So I’m controlling part of this world.”
Twilight sighed. “Of course you are, Pinkamena.” She frowned. “Of course you are. That’s the reason why I am so cold, too. I am the ruler of this place, but I have to take part of the mind of whoever is in here to actually rule it.”
“Doesn’t make any sense, but I’m cool with it.” Pinkamena smirked. “Now we’re even.”
“As a matter of fact, we are not.” Twilight took another sip of tea. “You see, you’re just a chess piece. I’m the one playing the game.” She smiled. “Want some proof? You can’t move now.”
Pinkamena tried to say something. She couldn’t. She tried to move –impossible. She was paralyzed. It would have been pretty scary, if it hadn’t been the most common tactic of Greentalk.
“Oh, cry me a river.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “It works, so why change it? You can’t move or talk, after all.”
Pinkamena had to agree on that. However, she thought, the fact that her narrator was still talking kinda defeated the whole purpose of being forcefully quiet.
“Well, being the only one talking is not very fun,” said Twilight. “Besides, I didn’t do this so I could shut your mouth.”
What? Well, that was a surprise, Pinkamena thought.
“Hey, I don’t need to be predictable all the time.” Twilight took another sip of tea. “Anyway, we have to end this soon, so I’m going to be quick.
“You are here for four reasons, Pinkamena. First one: so you can know I am the villain. Second one: because you’re a menace and I need to take care of this. Third: I won’t tell you this one!” She smirked. “And fourth…”
“Because, well, I can kill you pretty easily if you’re here. Death by snakes!”
Twilight finished that sentence with a bright smile, and then she turned around and walked away. Pinkamena couldn’t follow her with her eyes, but she could see a snake falling from the ceiling. And then another one. And a third snake. She felt something biting her in the rear.
Soon, the room was flooding with snakes. But Pinkamena had been dead long before that.
.: E N D O F S C E N A R I O :.
You have successfully finished the first scenario of the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER. Thank you very much.
Second scenario:
.: L O A D I N G :.
.: L O A D I N G :.
Beep.
Good morning, and welcome to the second scenario of the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER. We're glad to offer you our services. Please, remember that the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER scenarios do not follow a linear timeline; future and past scenarios are not only possible, but completely expected. Please, do not observe the following scenario until you've made it till [ Fourth chapter: This was surprisingly easy. *Beeeep*, dear, do you want me to narrate? Yes? Ok, then I'll be the one doing all the talk. Ahem... ]
If you decide to continue the following scenario without reading the aforementioned chapter, we do not take responsibility for secondary effects such as spoilers, forced timelines, impossible scenarios and/or death by snakes. We do not take responsibility for secondary effects such as spoilers, forced timelines, impossible scenarios and/or death by snakes even if you have successfully read the aforementioned chapter.
You will be given an opportunity to skip the following scenario in three, two, one...
(CLICK THE "NEXT CHAPTER" BUTTON IF YOU HAVEN'T READ UNTIL THE LAST CHAPTER, THEN COME BACK ONCE YOU'VE DONE SO)
You decided to continue with the following scenario. Reproducing file...
The poof noise returned, and the white cloud did it too. Pinkamena wasn't really expecting it to happen again, although this time she didn't feel as surprised at the last time.
And then she was in the same spot as before: inside Twilight's library. However, she wasn't completely alone. Twilight Sparkle was there too, although she had wings now.
"Again?" Pinkamena asked, facing Twilight. "I thought you had already killed me, although I admit it wasn't really effective. At least you got wings this time."
The alicorn shook her head. She looked pretty scared, noticed Pinkamena. "N-no! It's me! The real Twilight!"
Pinkamena blinked. "What?"
"I say I'm not the Twilight that attacked you!" She looked around, frowning. "I saw a white cloud and then I appeared here, just like you said." She glanced at Pinkamena again. "Is this the place where...?"
"Where I was killed by snakes, yeah." The pink pony nodded. "But if you're the real Twilight, then where's the one from the future? The one that attacked me?"
"Right behind you."
The two ponies turned around as fast as they could. There she was, in front of the main door of the library -another Twilight Sparkle. She also had wings this time. "I have wings because you've finally seen me with them," she explained. "Remember? I already explained it to you."
"What do you want?" Twilight (the present one) gulped and stared at her dopplegänger. "Why are we here?"
"Mostly because nopony can read what you say here," said the other alicorn. "I just thought you had something to talk about in private."
Pinkamena frowned and looked at her Twilight. Her Twilight glared back without a word.
"After all, you've been attacked by the Twilight from the future. Also known as me," said the second Twilight. "And Twilight has had an encounter with your future self, Pinkamena. Maybe you could talk about it." Then, she just turned away and opened the door. "Bye."
And then she was gone.
Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. "At least she was quick," she said. Then she turned at the alicorn that was still in that room. "So... should we follow her advice and talk?"
Twilight shrugged. "Why not? What's the worst thing that could happen?"
"We could get killed by snakes."
"Oh, right. That."
Two hours later, two white clouds appeared again and both ponies went away.
.: E N D O F S C E N A R I O :.
You have successfully finished the second scenario of the NON-LOGICAL ALTERNATIVE STORY CHAPTER. Thank you very much.
Third scenario: LOCKED.