Author's Notes:

I swung my pick into a new trench the Pies were having me dig. Pinkie was sitting above as I picked away at the wall, expanding my working area.

"oOooooOooooh!" Pinkie mumbled, her leg working like a jack rabbit. "Umm, Petey, can I...can you--"

I brought my pick up, ready to strike. "Can I what--" I slammed my pick down, sparking something and causing a loud bang to blow my hearing out. My pickaxe flew from my hands, flying out of the trench and into the fields.

I sat, freshly deafened, and tried to crawl out of the pit. My arms were amazingly sore as I clawed my way out of the pit and onto my back. I stared up at the dust clouded sky and let out a rough cough.

I could see Pinkie, mane riddled with dust and debris as she worriedly pressed her forelegs into my chest and babbled noiselessly.

I rubbed my ears. Pinkie, stop, I'm fine! I screamed, my voice completely silent. Pinkie's lips continued to move a mile a minute while I just laid in the dust. What!?

"Oh my gosh that was crazy, Petey, are you okay, can you--" Her voice cut out again mid sentence. I got to my feet, horribly wobbly as I spotted Nurse Red Heart running over.

She sprinted over and pulled me down by my collar. "Peter!? Can you hear me!?"

I wiggled my finger in my ear. "What!?"

Red Heart licked her hoof and pressed it against my ear. "Hold your nose and blow!"

I followed her faint instructions and felt my ear pop. I let out a sharp gasp as my hearing cleared. "Holy shit- whoa, what happened?"

Pinkie shoved Red Heart out of the way. "You- you- you swung your thingy, then all the sudden, boom! Your pick went flying and a huge bunch of dust flew out of the hole!"

I repeated the process with my other ear, completely clearing my senses. "What...I- did I just explode!?"

The rest of the Pies ran over, Maud trotted slowly over and duck her head into the trench. "Methane...." She stated dryly as the other pies walked over.

I wiped off my face, smearing a bit of blood from my nose. "What- methane?"

Maud trotted over and helped me up. "Small pocket, everything should be fine...."

I rubbed my nose, making sure I wasn't still bleeding. "But- that- fuck!"

Pinkie started giggling. "Petey, you have the worst luck I have ever--"

Limestone trotted back over. "He found silver." She dropped a piece of pure silver before her father. "His pick split a silver seam."

I stared slack jawed as Igneous picked up the white mineral and looked it over. "Yep...that's silver." He tucked it into his bag, took off his hat and walked up to me. He pushed his hat onto my head, his balding head exposed as he walked off.

The Pie sisters surrounded me as their father wandered back towards the house. "Uh...I- is this a good thing?" I asked, turning Igneous' hat over in my hands. "I feel like this is a good thing?"

The sisters stared at me with a gradient of smiles, Maud ending with an almost undetectable smirk. "Super, special, amazing!" Pinkie bounced around me. "Oh- but...I sent a letter to my bestest friend in Ponyville...and...I need you to come with me...back...to Ponyville, you know." Pinkie stated with a wide smile. "Like...soon.... I can't have my new best boy friend getting hurt all the time!"

I cocked my head, debating her meaning of boy friend in my head. "I uh...should probably get back to--"

Red Heart stared me down, shaking her head. "Mmm-mmm."

"But--"

"Mmmm-- Mmmm" Red Heart asserted wordlessly. "You just got blow out of a pit, and as your nurse, stay the bucking hell out of the field today." Her gaze was assertive, but not angry. "Seriously Peter, no more, your body can only handle so much damage a day."

I ran my finger through my hair, putting Igneous' hat on. "So...Pinkie...what did you need?"

Pinkie smiled wide. "I!" She said, striking a heroic pose.

I stared at her as she held her pose. "You...?"

"Have an idea!" She stated, stamping her hooves. "Come on!" She bolted off towards the house.

I looked down as the other Pies started joining her. I grabbed Limestone and walked with her. "So uh...you know her better than I do. Is she gonna like...rape me, or kill me?"

Limestone cocked an eyebrow and bumped me with her flank. "No more than me...."

"Eeugh. Should I be worried?"

Limestone wrapped her tail around my leg. "A little."

I felt my stomach twist at her flippant remark. "Uh...well...it will be a glorious death."

Limestone huffed. "I'm not like Maud...I have...." She started getting slightly red. "Emotions...."

I made airquotes. "Emotions. You're as stoic as...uh...not as bad as Maud...but still--"

"You've never even spent a night with me...you're Pie property now...and you have, duties...now--"

We bumped into Marble as Limestone had her tail wrapped around my leg. Marble glared at Limestone. "You know...we've been waiting until he stops getting hurt...."

"Uh Mar--"

Limestone let go of my leg. "It was your idea to share...are you saying you two haven't slept together yet?"

"I--"

"So what if we haven't...I met him first, I get the first night." Marble snapped back.

I was left standing behind the two bickering sisters. I decided to walk off before it devolved into an all out shit storm. Making my way to the house I was greeted by Pinkie with an extremely wide smile. "Petey, hi!"

I waved to her as she ran over. "Pinkie, hi."

She let out a strange squee and broadened her smile. "You ready to go!?"

I looked around. "Go where?"

She let out a shallow snort before giggling. "Ponyville silly, we're gonna find out why you're so unlucky!"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I think I'm just unlucky...."

Pinkie shook her head, a weird jangling coming from nowhere. "Well then we're going to pick up tools, then to figure out why you're so unlucky!"

I stared at her, rather confused. "That's...I uh.... I really want to complain, but my pickaxe did just explode...."

"See! And you can come visit the Cakes! Oh- and Fluttershy, and Twilight, and Rainbowdash, and--"

"Pinkie, I get it!" I yelped, "My ears still hurt..so...silence is golden."

Pinkie's expression flattened as she dragged her hoof along her lips, another strange zipping sound coming from the eather. "Gottcha. Now let's go." She whispered, leading me towards the path out of the rock farm and towards the train.

I played with Igneous' hat as we walked. "So Pinkie...we never really...talked...did we?"

"Nope!" She chirped happy as can be.

I rubbed the brim of her father's hat. "So...I'm Peter...child of a French couple...I guess...what am I to Marble? Like...am I just a concubine?"

"Concuwhat?"

I shook my head as we walked towards the train station. "She- we- she said Maud and Limestone wanted to join the relationship...so does that make me...like...what, what does that make me?"

"Uuuuum...I don't know...a hubby, a suuuper hubby? And, how do you like the rock far--" She stopped as her right hoof shot out, tripping her. "Whoa...that's funky."

We walked up to the train platform and stood near the edge. "So Pinkie...I mean...is it normal? I've known Marble a while, but the others just...it was very...not romantic."

Pinkie smiled knowingly. "Well, I like you, I like romance...we could--" She stopped again as her tail shot up and her back hooves tapped on the concrete landing. "Peter!"

"Wha--" I tried to turn to her, falling towards the train tracks. I saw my death fast approaching as Pinkie yanked me back onto the platform. "Ooooooh, my god!" I yelled, utter panic in my voice. "Holy shit...Pinkie...Pinkie...I love you...I love you so much...." I sat on the platform and laid out on the cold floor.

Pinkie let out a girly squeal as she bounced on her hoof tips. "I love you too!"

I felt my heart go weak as I realized how close I was to death. "Pinkie...I think I just wanna be on the floor...I just wanna be on the ground right now."

Pinkie stared over me, her wide smile turning to a frown. "But...the train's here."

I took a deep breath and reached into my pocket. "Wallet...buy tickets...please." I handed Pinkie my wallet and got to my feet. "I'm gonna find a seat...and...contemplate life."

"Oooooooohkay." She trotted off towards the near empty booth and bought a pair of tickets as I hobbled weakly into the train. I found a seat and collapsed.

Pinkie found me and rested herself against my chest as she nestled in. "Pinkie...stop saving me please...I just...if it happens again I'm gonna have a heart attack."

"You can't have a heart attack yet! We barely met!"

I took a deep breath and rubbed Pinkie's belly, making her giggle. "One...of a kind." I grumbled, my breath patchy and strained. I snoozed as my hand idly rubbed pink belly, on a train to a new town and yet more hazards.