Sweet Apple Acres’ barn stood in a state of perpetual decay, which Rainbow Dash had to admit didn’t make a whole lot of sense. It seemed like half of what Applejack did on the farm was fix the barn, and yet it never seemed to get… well… fixed. And if she wasn’t fixing the barn, she was declaring it so decrepit and unsalvageable that the whole thing had to be torn down and have a new one built in its place.

And yet, for the seemingly monthly barn-raisings Applejack had, the next Rainbow knew she’d be back to hearing about how the wood was cracking, and the roof was leaking, and the paint was peeling and…

But that wasn’t the point. The point was, every time a new barn went up, there was always a good three to four week window before the renovations started up that Applejack would be out doing other chores, like… Umm… Bucking apples? Actually, Rainbow wasn’t entirely sure what else Applejack did when not renovating the barn or harvesting her crop… But whatever, she’d be elsewhere, leaving the barn more or less completely unoccupied. That made it the perfect place for her and Pinkie Pie to enjoy some of their more illicit passions.

“Dashie,” Pinkie’s voice sounded from the rafters as she closed the barn door, “up here!”

Rainbow felt a devious grin creep across her face as she scampered up the ladder, spotting Pinkie reclining against a hay bale in the corner. Giggling excitedly, she crept up to her friend and sat across from her. “Did you bring the stuff?”

Pinkie nodded, quickly pulling a brownie out of her hair.

Dash raised an eyebrow. “You made brownies?”

“Yep!”

“Oh. I mean, I thought we were gonna smoke, but I guess edibles are fine. Just… takes longer.”

Pinkie shook her head. “Oh. No, no no no, this brownie isn’t for eating.”

Rainbow frowned. “What do you mean? What are we gonna do with brownies if we don’t eat them?”

Rather than answering directly, Pinkie took a small plastic bag full of small green buds out of her mane and opened it. The powerful scent felt like a smack across Dash’s nose; Pinkie always had the best stuff. Pinkie took a few of the buds out of the bag and stuffed them into the top of the brownie, then materialized a lighter from… somewhere, and held the brownie up to her lips. She closed her eyes and lit the flame, sucking against the brownie as the marijuana ignited before coughing gently and offering it to Rainbow.

Rainbow slowly closed her slackened jaw. “... We’re going to smoke out of a brownie?”

Pinkie giggled, eliciting another cough. “Don’t be ridiculous, Dashie. We’re going to smoke out of the bong I built inside the brownie.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Of course. How silly of me.”

Pinkie pushed the brownie and lighter into Rainbow’s hooves and leaned back against the hay bale. “It’s okay, Dashie, you’re allowed to be silly sometimes. Now smoke up!”

Rainbow held the brownie up to her nose, eyeing the sides carefully. “So… Is there like, a shotgun or something, or…?”

“Less thinky, more puffy.”

At some point, acceptance was the only course of action. Pressing the brownie to her lips and inhaling, Rainbow ignited the lighter.

She felt it immediately, the warm, prickly feeling invading her forehead like a swift kick to the face. She blinked rapidly as she held the smoke in her lungs, letting it spread inside her before letting it out in a slow leak. As her lungs emptied out she coughed into her hoof and passed the brownie back to Pinkie on her wing, resting her head against the hay bale.

Rainbow closed her eyes, listening the to the soft crackling of the embers as Pinkie took another hit. The warm tingling crept its way across her brain, heading slowly down her spine and into her extremities.

Pinkie coughed again and Rainbow felt the brownie land on her stomach. Without looking she pressed it to her muzzle and inhaled, another salvo of smoke filling her lungs from the still-lit embers. A powerful scratching made itself known at the back of her throat and she coughed harshly; Time to stop.

Rainbow smiled to herself, letting her head sink into the hay, doing her best to smooth out the poky straws with her neck.

“You’re not done already, are you Dashie?”

Rainbow felt a distant laughter escape her throat. “I got stuff to do today, Pinks… Eventually.” She heard some rummaging sounds come from Pinkie’s side of the loft, and a murmured comment about being a lightweight, which she would have objected to if she didn’t feel quite so fantastic at the moment. “You got any snacks?”

“I’ve got a bag of marshmallows ‘round here somewhere, gimme a sec…”

Rainbow licked her lips, immediately noticing just how fuzzy her tongue felt all of a sudden. “I like marshmallows…”

Right on cue a bag of the fluffy white treats appeared next to her. She pawed at it shakily, pulling one out and stuffing it into her mouth. “I luff marfmallowz,” she moaned softly through the gooey sugar.

Pinkie giggled, and Rainbow heard the flint of the lighter clicking again, followed by a sharp hacking. “Speaking of marshmallows, how’s Rarity?”

Rainbow rolled onto her side, letting her forelegs dangle in the air in front of her and laughing softly. “She’s not a marshmallow, she’s a unicorn…” Rainbow let her eyes drift closed and smiled as she thought about her girlfriend.

“And how is that unicorn?” Rainbow could hear Pinkie’s grin.

Rainbow giggled and fell off the haybale. “She’s sexy.”

Rainbow heard Pinkie snort and started laughing along with her. “Oh, okay.”

Rainbow frowned at that, as best as she could while laughing. “Whaddaya mean?”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow at her. “What?”

“You don’t think my girlfriend is sexy?” Rainbow glared.

Pinkie shook her head. “I didn’t say that.”

“So you do think my girlfriend is sexy?”

Pinkie paused for a moment, looking at her hoof. “Uh… Yeah? I guess?”

Rainbow leapt up and jutted a hoof out at Pinkie. Unable to balance the sudden movement, she fell flat on her face, but chose not to let that disrupt her train of thought. “Well, mitts off, she’s mine!”

Pinkie started giggling again, and Rainbow couldn’t help but start again too. “Besides, you got… Umm… Applebutt.”

Pinkie fell to the floor next to Rainbow, clutching her sides and rolling about in the hay. “You mean Applejack?”

Rainbow blew her bangs out of her eyes and snickered. “Right. Applejack.”

“Yep,” Pinkie wheezed between convulsions, “and she’s the best.”

Rainbow rolled onto her back, her forehead coming to rest against Pinkie’s, the pressure on her neck oddly comfortable. Straining her eyes to look up, she saw her giant, sparkling blue eyes staring back at her. “Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout, Dashie?” Pinkie whispered.

“I’m so high,” Rainbow whispered back.

“Me too.”

Rainbow nearly started giggling again, but she heard something. It was a sort of wooden sound, or maybe metal, or maybe both, with some clicking and some creaking and–

Rainbow gasped as she realized it was the barn door opening. “Pinkie! Somepony’s coming,” she whispered fervently, crawling over to the edge of the loft. She saw a blur of browns and light browns and lighter browns before she realized that was because her head was wobbling about and steadied it with her hooves. She saw Applejack turning around and closing the barn door behind her, then toward the ladder. But that didn’t make any sense! It couldn’t have been time to tear down this barn already, she’d just finished raising it like, a few days ago!

Rainbow glanced back to Pinkie, who stubbornly refused to do anything but roll about in the hay and giggle. “Quiet, you’re gonna blow our cover!”

Pinkie didn’t listen though. Panic setting in, Rainbow dove down into the straw and pulled all the loose bundles around her, until she was completely hidden. At least she’d be spared Applejack’s wrath, even if it meant Pinkie had to take the brunt of it.

“Hey, Pinks,” Rainbow heard Applejack’s voice as she got to the top of the ladder. Any moment she’d explode, she knew it. She must’ve been suppressing her anger; There was no way she hadn’t noticed the smell the moment she entered the barn.

At least Rainbow could give Pinkie the bitchingest obituary ever. It’d be, like, Pinkie Pie. She was Pink. Or something like that. The beginning was good, at least.

“Hey AJ, what’s up?” Pinkie chirped.

Rainbow heard Applejack sitting down and opened her eyes to see her snuggling up next to Pinkie. “You didn’t tell me you were coming over.”

Rainbow flinched. Any second now…

“... RD? Why’re you covered in straw? Or like… Kinda half-covered? Your mane and tail’re stickin’ out.”

Rainbow felt her neck hair stand on end. She’d been spotted! Now she’d have to write an obituary for herself, too! And it’d be like… “Rainbow Dash. She was blue, mostly.” That wasn’t nearly as good as the one she’d come up with for Pinkie.

Pinkie just giggled more, but Rainbow didn’t plan on dying today; Thinking quickly, she came up with a cover. “I’m not Rainbow,” she said slowly, dragging out the vowels, “I’m… a haaaaaay ghooooooost!”

Pinkie lost it, and Applejack rolled her eyes. “Oh no, not a hay ghost! Whatever will I do?”

Sensing an opportunity, Rainbow raised up onto her haunches and waved her hooves forebodingly. “Run awaaaaaaaaaaay! And then bring back some snaaaaaaaaaaaaaacks, and leave them by the laaaaaaaaddeeeeeer!”

Applejack turned to Pinkie and kissed her on the cheek. “Guess I’ll be right back, then.”

“With snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacks!”

“Right, with snacks.” Applejack chuckled, descending the ladder.

Rainbow shook the hay off and watched her go, wiping the sweat from her brow when she closed the door. “Phew, that was close.”

“She knows, Dashie.”

Rainbow flopped onto her back and smiled. “Knows what? To get snacks for the hungry ghost?”

Pinkie laughed and shook her head. “Noooooooo, she knows we’re high.”

Rainbow’s eyes shot open as she righted herself, pushing her snout up against Pinkie’s. “What!? How!?”

“She’s not blind?” Pinkie said, booping Rainbow’s nose.

“But… But I was so convincing! There’s no way she knows.”

Pinkie giggled again. “You were pretty convincing.”

Rainbow frowned and sat back on her haunches, crossing her forelegs in front of her. “Whatever. We’ll just ask her when she gets back with our snacks.”

Pinkie had the gall to laugh more at this. “But, but– but then she’ll definitely know!” She cried, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.

Rainbow cocked her head, surprised to find it had at some point migrated to the floor. “What do you mean?”

Pinkie writhed among the hay, snorting and giggling and letting out half-words whenever she could, but failing to put together any string of intelligible syllables.

Rainbow sprawled out across the hay, bumping the bag of marshmallows with her wing. She pulled it over and pushed a few of them into her mouth. “‘ey, Pinksch… Can I aschk you schomethin’?”

Pinkie nodded invertedly. Rainbow swallowed before continuing. “Umm… I need some advice. But you can’t tell anypony. Okay?”

Pinkie nodded again. Rainbow pawed at some of the hay. “Umm… And, if I say anything too embarrassing or weird… It’s the pot talking, and it’s definitely not true.”

“Okie dokie,” Pinkie said.

Rainbow stretched her neck. “Well… See, uh, sometimes, me and Rares… Uh… Have sex.”

Pinkie gasped. “No way!”

“... Right. And, don’t get me wrong, I–”

“Wait!” Pinkie shouted, rolling onto her stomach and cocking her head. “Was that the pot talking?”

Rainbow shook her head. “No.”

“Oh okay. Continue.”

Rainbow took a deep breath and pressed on. “Yeah, so like I was saying, I–”

“WAIT!” Pinkie shouted again, jumping up to her hooves. “Was that the pot talking!?”

Rainbow smacked her hoof into her forehead. “Forget that part! All of what I’m about to say is true!”

Pinkie narrowed her gaze for a moment as she sat back down. “... Okay.”

Rainbow sighed. “Okay, so… Uh… For my birthday, Rarity said she had a special surprise for me, right? And I was like, ‘cool, I love surprises,’ so I was all, ‘Bring it on,’ right? So then, uh… Well, remember that time Rarity got captured by the Nightmare spirits from the moon?”

“Mmhmm.”

“... Well… Umm… So, Rarity was like… really hot when she was like… possessed. Right?”

Pinkie giggled. “I guess.”

Rainbow could feel her cheeks burning red as she giggled despite herself. “Stop laughing, this is serious! I might have told her, at some point, that I thought it was a good look. And… I guess she read into that a little bit. So… Uh… For my birthday, we… Uhh… Well…”

Rainbow’s stammering stopped abruptly as she felt Pinkie’s hoof touching her own. She looked up to see Pinkie smiling softly at her. “It’s okay, Dashie. You can tell me. Or, if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to.”

Rainbow closed her eyes as she drew a deep breath. She’d come this far… “Wehadroleplaysexanditwasawesome.”

Pinkie squeezed Rainbow’s hoof gently. “That sounds fun.”

Rainbow opened one eye. “So… Uh… You’re not, like… weirded out?”

Pinkie laughed. “Are you kidding? That’s like, nothing. But what’s the advice for?”

Rainbow scratched her neck with her free hoof, squeezing Pinkie’s back with the other. “Well… It was like, really, really great. And… I really kinda wanna do it again? But I don’t know how to tell Rarity.”

Pinkie nodded as she raised a hoof to her chin. “I see. … Why don’t you just ask?”

“But,” Rainbow interrupted herself with a cough, “but I don’t want to pressure her, you know? I mean, what if it was just a one time thing? Or what if she didn’t like it as much as I did? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable just for my sake… And like, I like normal sex with her just fine, right? I mean… She’s Rarity. She’s, like, really good at it. Or, what if she thinks it’s weird that I liked it so much? What if she doesn’t think I’m cool anymore?”

Rainbow watched Pinkie think for what seemed like ages before she finally cleared her throat. “... Any ideas?”

Pinkie blinked and shook her head. “Huh? Ideas about what?”

Rainbow gave a nervous laugh. “… I don’t remember.”

“... Oops?”

Rainbow pushed another marshmallow into her mouth. “Whadever. Probably washn’d impordand.”

Rainbow turned to look as she heard the barn door opening again, spotting Applejack walking in with two saddlebags stuffed full of what could only be delicious snacks.

“Sorry that took so long,” Applejack said as she reached the top of the ladder. “Had to come up with an excuse for why I was gettin’ all this food so Granny wouldn’t know you two’re smokin’ in the barn again.”

“Told you she knew,” Pinkie said, already digging through one of the saddlebags.

“And you didn’t say anything?” Rainbow asked.

Applejack rolled her eyes as she picked up the brownie and flicked the lighter. “Why would I care?”

Rainbow felt her entire understanding of the universe collapse as she watched Applejack take a hit from the brownie. She’d seen a lot of strange things in her life – She was friends with Pinkie Pie, after all – but none compared to this moment. “AJ… You… you smoke?”

Applejack coughed and nodded as she passed the brownie over to Pinkie. “When I feel like it. I think this one’s kicked, Pinks.” Pinkie looked up from an empty pie dish and started packing it again.

Rainbow scratched her chin as she chewed on a candy bar. She’d never taken Applejack for the stoner type. If she was cool with it, Rarity would almost have to be. She could barely contain her giggles as she imagined what Rarity would be like high. She’d be all woobly, and make faces, and totally silly, and… It might even affect her magic. Rainbow’d never seen a unicorn high before, so she didn’t know for sure, but that seemed like the kind of thing that made sense, didn’t it? “Hey, if a unicorn gets high, does it mess with her magic?”

When nopony answered her, she looked over and saw a mess of pink and orange and blonde rolling around in the hay together, giggling and apparently trying to eat each other’s mouths.

“Hey, that’s not fair! You can’t just make out in front of me!” Rainbow scowled.

Pinkie rolled off of Applejack, now wearing her hat. “Sorry, Dashie.”

“Sorry,” Applejack echoed, melting into the hay.

Rainbow sighed. “Whatever… I should get going, anyway.”

“Wait!” Pinkie cried, popping up to her hooves. “Don’t you wanna stay just a liiiiiiiiittle longer?”

Rainbow stretched her wings as she got to her hooves. “And do what? Watch you two make out?”

Pinkie rummaged through the hay and pulled out a long cardboard box. “How about a quick game of Risk?”

“Risk? That’s, like, the longest game, Pinks.”

“But I already set up the whole board!”

Rainbow rubbed her eyes and looked again. Indeed, she had. “... No.”

“I’ll give you Kamchatka!” Pinkie slid over to Rainbow’s hooves and looked up at her with big, watery eyes.

Rainbow clenched her teeth. She did love Kamchatka…

“... Fine…”

Applejack snorted. “I guess you’re just scared I’m gonna crush you, huh?”

“... What? I just agreed to play.”

“... You did?”

“Yeah.”

“Yep, she did, AJ.”

“Oh... Sorry.”

And then they played Risk.