I can't believe you're making me do this.

You agreed to it.

But ponies?  Seriously, man.

All right, just for you, we'll do this a little differently.  Imagine that you've just woken up in a strange place.  It looks like an apple orchard.  What do you do?

I guess if I wasn't in any danger, I wouldn't freak out.  It would still be pretty weird, though.  You said it was an orchard?  I suppose there must be a farmer or something around and I'd go looking for them.

The farmer turns out to be an orange pony wearing a cowboy hat.  She's friendly, but cautious.  She says she's never seen anything like you before.

Okay, now I'd be really freaking out over a talking pony.

The pony says, "What's the matter, sugarcube?  There's nothin' to be scared of.  All of us here in Equestria are ponies."

Say that again.

You didn't hear me?

(laughs) No, I just want to hear you talk like a hick again.

Strong words from a Texan.

Hey-

Anyway, the pony tells you that her studious friend can probably help.  She isn't sure bringing you into town would be a good idea, though.

Why not?  She didn't run screaming from the big scary person.

She's special.

Sure, just hand-wave the plot like that.

No, really.  The pony introduces herself as Applejack.  She and her five friends make up the Elements of Harmony, a powerful force for goodness that has been used successfully against great evil.

So if she's some kind of superhero, why does she work on a farm?

Okay, I am going to hand-wave that.  It's not important.  The pony tells you to stay put and comes back shortly with her friends.  These are them in this picture.

Christ, those colors are almost hurting my eyes.

The pink one is Pinkie Pie, and wants to throw you a party for being new in the area.  The yellow one is Fluttershy, who is timid but seems curious about you.  The blue-and-rainbow one is suspicous and agressive.  Her name is Rainbow Dash.  Rarity, the white one, looks you up and down and comments on how fabulously you're dressed.

Oh, you.

The purple one is Twilight Sparkle, the local magic expert and historian.  She reveals that "humans" were an old pony tale that she discovered in one of her books.

So...I'm a living legend?

The pony shakes her head.  "No, the story about humans is a cautionary tale about how endless violence and hatred can wipe out an entire species."

Whoa, man, that's way more dark than I thought this was going to be.

It's a Psychology experiment.  I'm trying to make you think.

Yeah, all right.  So what am I supposed to do now that I'm in pony world and the last survivor of an ancient race?

Go back in time to prevent the catastrophe.

(laughs)  Wait, you're serious?

There's going to be some kind of epic quest involved on the search for truth and justice.

Well, I do like questing, but can you wrap it up?  My break's almost over.

You have a dangerous adventure with the ponies and come back a changed man.  They figure out how to send you home to your own time.  Armed with new knowledge, you attempt to change the world into a more peaceful place.

Sounds good.  Now, are you staying for lunch?

No, I try not to eat fast food.

Well, the manager's really on edge today, so you'd better leave before you get kicked out for loitering.