Phoenix

Chapter 15

“Dante, what in the twelve layers of Tartarus was that?”

The biped in question slammed the door on the truck as they had finally arrived back in Canterlot, or rather the ship’s vehicle bay.

The ride back had been quiet, far more quiet then Bulwark had remembered the original drive and the quietest Fortnite had ever seen the enigmatic alien.

“Bulwark, you’re off-duty. Go get some proper rest. And I remember those beers I owe you all. Venus will guide you out of the ship.”

“Si-” The stallion attempted to protest, but was cut off by Dante.

“Now. Go, I’ve got things I’ve got to deal with.” Fortnite watched as the stallion quietly left, realizing he wouldn’t win an argument with the biped. She moved to follow assuming Dante had also wanted her out.

“Fortnite, wait. I want you to stay.” She stopped, turning to watch the biped sit on a crate. His elbows rested on his knees, his fingers intertwined, his eyes stared straight ahead. He lowered his head, silent as the lift to the upper levels of the ship sounded.

The room was silent with the exception of the engine pulling the lift. Which it soon went silent as well.

The silence hung in the air for a few minutes, as neither of the living occupants of the room seemed willing to speak.

Fortnite broke the silence.

“Dan-”

“There was a little girl, Fortnite.” Dante cut her off, still staring straight ahead. “Her name was...” Dante took a second, a language Fortnite had never heard before emanated from his throat. “Uh-Lex-Is, her mother was named Bar-Bruh.” Dante took a deep breath as he pronounced the alien names.

“The little girl loved her daddy very much, and her daddy loved her very much as well. She only knew his job was to help people. To her, her daddy was the most powerful man in the world, and would chase all the evil away, he was her hero.”

Dante’s voice began cracking. “But to many people, her daddy was an enemy who had to be eliminated at any and all costs. And when the direct attacks failed…”

Fortnite could taste the anger, but in a rare moment since she had met him, the emotion was being overridden by another one.

Sadness.

“One day, her daddy left home to help someone. It was going to be a long trip, but he thought nothing of it, believing them to be safe.” Dante took a deep breath. “Then, her daddy’s enemies broke in. Raped and murdered her mother in front of her. And then did the same thing to her. They left a message scrawled in her blood and her mother’s blood for her daddy.”

Fortnite had every desire to tell him she understood, but could not find the words.

“When her daddy returned home, they had been dead for weeks. Flies buzzed around their bodies, their skin liquefying. When her daddy tried to hold her one last time, her skin fell through his fingers…”

He looked to Fortnite, his eyes red as she realized he had tears in them, a fact that shocked her. Her image of the unshakeable monster continuing to be beaten out of her head.

“Death has seen fit to deny me his sweet embrace, but he is more then happy to do so for my children. I have breathed for ten thousand years.” Dante breathed in, looking down. “And for ten thousand years, I have failed my children, time and time again.” He looked up once more, locking eyes with the changeling, his gaze once more filled with anger. As the bitter taste of sadness in the air was once more quashed with the putridness of anger.

“For my own reasons, I show no mercy to those who kill or harm children.” The biped stood up.

“Those dogs needed to die. And that’s all there is to it.”

“I thought you said you were already walking a fine line with Equestria.” Fortnite questioned, as Dante made his way to lift, calling it down. The changeling followed.

“Still am. If Equestria wants to bring anything against me, let them. But I could not allow those dogs to continue to draw breath. Their executions were a decision I will not come to regret, nor will I apologize for them. I feel nothing for them besides satisfaction.”

The lift reach the floor, as Dante stepped on, Fortnite following.

“In any case, I have the materials I need.” Dante removed the silver from a pouch that had been suspended on his waist. “Which means I can get those satellites in the air and start tracking my ticket home.”

The purple unicorn took a deep breath as the griffon landed on the platform. As soon as her hooves touched solid ground, she tore the rope in half with her magic, landing on her hoofs on the gray cobblestone that made up the platform.

A gryphon who had been waiting for her on the platform greeted her, saluting her.

“General Shadow.” The hybrid nodded, as the unicorn grunted.

“Was there any particular reason I was the one who had to be carried to that damned country on a bucking rope?” She asked, shrugging the cloak off to reveal gray and black armor underneath.

“Apologies, ma’am, direct orders from the King himself. In the event your cover was burned, he wanted to ensure the device would still be recovered.”

Tempest levitated the odd shaped device higher, her blue aura sparking with energy around it.

“You mean this piece of junk?”

The gryphon nodded. “That ‘piece of junk’, ma’am, is perhaps one of the most advanced pieces of technology present on the planet.” He seemed to drool at the sight of it. “Nothing we have even comes close to it.”

“Yeah, I think I met its original owner.” She dropped the device on the ground. The gryphon looked at the unicorn, perplexed.

“Its owner? Ma’am, this is an alien artifact. It has no owner besides those who can claim it.”

The unicorn began trotting off. “Then tell that to the flankhole who was trying to put more holes in me over it while yelling about how it was his.”

“Ma’am!” The gryphon called, causing the unicorn to stop.

“What is it?” She called over her shoulder.

“The King requested your personal presence for a debrief of the operation.”

The unicorn groaned. “I was just carried by a gryphon for two days straight while holding a two-hundred pound alien device after I nearly had a bunch of new holes punched in my body.”

She ran a hoof down her face. “Fine, but I’m not picking that stupid thing back up.”

She started making her way to the throne room before the gryphon could say anything else, the soldier fully understanding what would happen if anything were to happen to the device that had been left in his care.

The unicorn’s mind wandered as she strolled through the halls, her hooves clipping on the stone used to make them.

Sooner then she would have hoped, she arrived. The room was guarded by two large bipedal furry creatures armed with spears.

Upon seeing her, the two gently opened the door.

The purple unicorn entered the room, her head held high.

“Your Excellency.” She stated to the being sitting in the throne at the far end of the rather plain throne room. Well, plain with the exception of various creatures who had failed the King now stone statues.

The bored looking, white furred biped seemed to perk up at the sound of her voice. “Ah! My favorite general, Tempest! How did it go.”

“I retrieved the device, Your Excellency.” The unicorn answered. The creature jumped up, clapping his hands together.

“Excellent! Where is it?”

“I had someone take it to your vault. But there may be a… slight problem.”

The creature raised an eyebrow, peering at the unicorn. “How so?”

“I was slowed down by an unexpected invasion and I wa-”

“What!” The creature’s face contorted in anger. “And the pegacorn thinger-merjigger-muhbobs! What of them, are they okay?”

Tempest blinked, suppressing an eye roll, she could save that for in private.

“The alicorns are okay. However, as I was retrieving the device following the invasion being pushed back, I was confronted by a creature claiming to be its owner.”

“An...owner… of the alien device? So… an alien?” The creature seemed to have calmed down.

“I have certainly never seen anything like him before, and he wielded advanced weaponry, not even the gryphon’s bolts were close to what he had.”

The creature pranced around, clapping his hands. “Ooh! An actual alien! I could have an alien as a pet!”

Tempest took a deep breath, and then let it go. “Sir, I believe he may very well end up posing far more of a threat then the alicorns or the gryphons could. He mentioned something about an… ‘Imperium of Phoenix’.”

The biped waved a hand and picked up a staff leaning against his throne as he sat back down, twirling it in his hand.

“Please, I already took Abyssinia. What’s one more empire? In more important matters.” The king’s voice suddenly became more serious. “What is the status on the Sword of Boreal?”

Tempest nodded. “Karolus still lays claim to the sword, though my informant states it still has no current wielder. And any invasion of the gryphon lands must be postponed. They’re currently experiencing one of their worst blizzard seasons. Though this works against them by weakening them, if we were to try and take the gryphonic lands, we’d be giving them the upperhoof.”

“That sword can not be allowed to stay in the hands of the Vasys. It’s the only thing that’s capable of stopping this… twig.” He held up the staff he had been playing with.

“The Staff of Sacanas, Your Excellency.” Tempest stated, the creature waving his hand at her.

“Yeah, yeah. That. That’s the only thing that’s a threat to I, the Storm King and my… well, as of yet useless twig. But you’re going to fix that soon, correct, Tempest?”

“I will retrieve the sword first, then we will complete the ritual.”

“Why not complete the ritual first, then the sword!” The Storm King whined.

“Because if we power the staff before securing the sword, then that leaves the gryphons months to find a wielder. If we wait for the blizzard to clear and then take the sword first, then they will have no way to stop us when we complete the ritual.”

“But I thought you said it had no current wielder?”

Tempest really struggled to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “It is true the sword has no current wielder, Karolus apparently having been snubbed by his ancestor. If they find out about our plans, then they will absolutely begin searching for someone who can wield it. So we take the sword first and then roll over Equestria. They have no way to stop us, we win. You get ultimate power, and my faithful service,” Tempest pointed to her broken horn. “Gets me my horn back.”

“Yes, yes, your horn.” The Storm King waved his hand once more. “Of course, very well. Tempest, ensure the troops are ready to move as soon as the Gryphon Kingdoms can be moved on.”

“Yes, Your Excellency.” Tempest bowed her head as she left the room.

“He what!” Celestia allowed her head to slam on the table, as Luna delivered the news.

“Jaeger murdered the prisoners in a fit of rage, and killed a cyclops.” She stated, her eyes scanning the report she had.

“We were not personally present for the executions, however We took a deposition from a lieutenant present during the entire event, a lieutenant Rock Salt, commanding officer of the Ponyville Guard Detachment.”

Celestia lifted her head from the table. “Wait, there was an officer present? Why didn’t he do anything to stop him?”

Luna snorted. “Funny you ask that, sister, as We asked the same thing. We will read you his answer verbatim. ‘Why didn’t I stop him? Maybe in my younger days when I was an overeager corporal trying to prove his worth to attract the cute mare who passed by the drilling grounds every day. But I’m fifty-six years old with chronic back pain. I ain’t stupid and I know when I’m outmatched. If I had tried to do anything to stop him, then I wouldn’t be alive to be delivering this deposition to you… Your Highness.’” Luna looked up from the paper she had read from. “He said the last part extremely rudely. We can see how he is fifty-six years old and still a lieutenant. If he was willing to speak to a princess like this, We can not even begin to fathom how he addressed his superior officers.”

Celestia groaned, rubbing her temples with her hooves. “It was bad enough with the violence he displayed at the wedding, but how are we going to explain this to the nobles.”

Luna grunted as he levitated a glass of water to herself from a tray left at the end of the table. “We could always take Lieutenant Rock Salt’s advice and tell them to, as he said, ‘screw off’.”

Celestia glared at Luna, who merely raised her front hooves in a defensive gesture. “T’was merely a suggestion, dear sister. Though We would also like to make it clear that we don’t necessarily disagree with the General’s actions.”

Her glare hardened, as Luna rolled her eyes.

“How could you say that, Luna! He murdered them in cold-blood!”

Luna slammed her hooves on the table. “First off, sister, you’re getting the terminology wrong! What the general did was a crime of passion! He had no intention going into it to murder them, it was only when he was driven to anger did he murder them! Had he plotted their deaths out, then yes, it would be cold-blooded! But his decision was emotional!”

“And that absolves him?”

“Of course not.” Luna frowned. “But it does mean he deserves a chance to explain himself…”

There was a silence as Luna said nothing else, Celestia holding her glare at her sister.

After a few seconds, Luna started to make a ‘come on’ motion with her hoof, expecting to Celestia to say something.

“What? I don’t know what you’re getting at.” Celestia answered, as Luna smacked herself in the face with a hoof.

“Gods, Celestia, for having been alive for five millenia, you can occasionally be quite dense. We need to hold a statement regarding the alien who is currently staying in Equestria, General Dante T. Jaeger. At the same time, We need to hold an investigation into the murders of the diamond dogs.”

“And Jaeger would never cooperate with the lower courts… Does he even fall under Equestria’s definition of an intelligent being?”

Luna paused, her eyes widening.

“Does… does he? We didn’t even think about that until now. Is he nothing more than an animal by law? Oh… this could have serious implications if he actually ends up harming somepony in self-defen-...”

Celestia’s eyes followed Luna’s, widening in alarm at the realization.

“Luna… Jaeger’s not back in Canterlot… is he?”

“He… got back last night.”

Never before had the two alicorn sisters shot from their chairs so quickly.

“Check the law books, Luna, I’ll find Jaeger!” Celestia shouted, as she shot down the hall, her sister nodding.

“Got it!” She broke off, heading down the corridor to find the necessary law book in regards to whether or not a creature was considered an intelligent being.

Celestia, meanwhile, jumped through the nearest opening window. Her large wings spreading open as she took to the skies to the find the biped.

“And… there we go!” Dante stated, as he finished at the terminal. The changeling named Fortnite lifted her head from her front legs, as she looked to the Human.

“It will take a few hours for the ship to construct satellites and program them correctly. Thankfully, the engineers made the fabricator simple to operate.” Dante looked to the changeling, who was laying down.

“You hungry? I haven’t had anything to eat in… well, a couple of hours.” He grabbed his rifle, which he had leaning against the wall and slung it across his chest.

The changeling stood up, stretching her limbs. “Well, if you’re hungry, I’ll go. Although, I’m a bit hesitant to go out in public like this…” With a flare of green fire, the changeling’s black chitinous body changed back into the green unicorn mare Dante had initially encountered in the dog den he had rescued her from.

The changeling turned pony gave herself a look-over, to ensure there was no defects in the shifting process.

“That’s better.” She stated, as she gestured to Dante.

Dante took the cue and began leading her out of the ship and into the castle.

The two walked mostly in silence, which suited both of them just fine.

As they were approaching the exit, Dante stopped a passing guard.

“Excuse me, sir, by any chance do you know of any place in the city that serves food that has a fuckton of calories in it?”

The guard had been briefed on the presence of the biped in the castle, and was under no standing

orders to stop him. Though at the time, he was unaware that was for his safety.

As such he had no issue informing him of the best place he could think of.

“You might try Donut Joe’s shop, sir. It’s right on Mane Street.”

Dante glared at the guard. “Mane Street… as in Mane? Like… M-A-N-E?”

The guard nodded.

“Thanks.” The biped turned around and continued while walking.

“I fucking hate this place.” The guard could hear him state as he too turned away, unsure of what his issue was.

And so, the faux-pony and Human continued their walk along the streets.

“Uh… Dante? Do you know how to reach Mane Street.”

He nodded. “When I first got here, I grabbed a shit-ton of maps and memorized them.” He tapped his forehead.

As they continued their walk in silence, Fortnite couldn’t help but feel eyes on her, as she glanced around. Noticing ponies glancing at them from the side, and some of them holding their stares.

“Dante…”

“They’re looking at me. Not you.” That did nothing to calm the soldier changeling. Infiltrators were trained to deal with their preconceptions and worries about being made.

But for a changeling soldier like Fortnite, the stares being directed to Dante, and indirectly to her, were nearly panic-inducing.

Dante seemed to sense the panic and slowed his pace, now walking next to the changeling. Since he was so much taller than the faux-pony by his side, the Canterlot residents had to look higher to stare at him.

“See, their eyes are now higher. You’re fine, Fortnite, you blend right in. Now come on, we’re nearly there.” Though their gazes were still in their line of sight, the biped’s maneuver seemed to to calm down, Fortnite’s panic dying down.

Dante looked up to the sky, as he noticed a massive equine form, silhouetted by the sun, fly overhead.

Though he was unable to make out most of the features, based on the size he was able to guess who it was.

“Huh, wonder what hell Celly’s doing out here.” Fortnite glanced up, catching the fleeting form of Princess Celestia high in the sky, the panic returning.

“Does she know I’m with you?” Fortnite asked, her breath hitching as she froze in place. Dante got a few steps away before realizing the green unicorn was no longer by his side.

Sighing, he walked back to the panic stricken pony and picked her up. He tucked her under his left arm and continued walking.

The ponies watching gasped, covering their mouths with their hooves at the act. As whispers of foalnapping circulated through the small groups. The biped however, had no care in the world besides picking up some food.

“Come on, Fornite. I’m hungry. I literally haven’t eaten in a few hours. And you’re fine, she won’t do anything to you.”

Celestia banked over Canterlot once more. She had been flying for a while and despite believing that a tall, armored biped would be easy to find, he was proving to be far better at blending in with the crowds then he had any right to be.

She had to resist the urge to just fly down to the ground and start asking ponies for directions, fearing she would spook them. Not that their princess frantically flying around Canterlot didn’t spook them, she just didn’t want to spook them anymore then she already had.

And her asking if anyone had seen a large alien biped, undoubtedly armed to the teeth, would only make the situation worse.

And so she continued to fly over Canterlot.

“And we’re here.” Dante stated, as he held the door open for Fortnite, the small pony slipping under his arm.

The large biped slid in, once more scanning the building he had entered, taking in escape routes and possible threats. It was a habit that had become ingrained in him over the years.

“Eh!” Dante startled, as he observed the inside of the building. “It’s not fucking garishly colored!” Dante frantically picked Fornite up by her the pits of her front legs, locking eyes with the startled imitator and lightly shaking her. The inside indeed was moderately colored. Black and white tiles for the floor, the lower quarter of the wall a green with lighter green diamonds in it. The rest of the wall was either windows or white and pink. Compared to the other buildings Dante had been in, this one was quite modest. And it was also empty with the exception of one employee at the register.

“Fortnite, we’re still in the same universe, right?” Before the disguised and confused changeling could respond, they were cut off by a pony manning the register.

“Hey!” A tan unicorn stallion with light brown hair, wearing a white chef’s hat shouted at the odd pair. “Are you going to order something or just shout?”

“Y’all offer sit down service?” Dante asked. The pony nodded.

“Sweet.” Dante once more tucked the shifted changeling under his left arm and walked over to a booth in the back corner. He deposited her in the bench facing away from the door and took the bench facing the door., having unslung his rifle and leaning it against the wall on the inside of the booth.

Meanwhile, the pony who had yelled at them mumbled something under his breath, levitating a notepad in his magic and walking over to the table.

‘Evening.” The unicorn nodded to the green unicorn mare and then to the biped. The biped nodded back.

“Name’s Joe, what can I get for you all tonight?”

Dante tapped the table. “What’s the going rate for donuts?”

“One bit. Ten bits if you order a dozen.”

Dante hmmed, seeming to think it over. “Does that two bit discount stack if I order multiple dozens?”

The stallion nodded. “Yep.”

Dante clicked his tongue. “Great, I’ll take nine dozens of your chocolate glazed donuts, oh, and the largest cup of coffee you have, black.” Dante smiled as he looked to Fortnite. “You want anything?”

“Taking them to go?” The stallion asked, as he jotted the order down.

“No.”

The stallion stopped writing, looking at Dante.

“You’re not planning to share one-hundred and eight donuts between you,” He nodded over to Fortnite. “And her, are you? That’s fifty-four donuts for each of you!”

“Of course not!” Dante spoke as though he had just been asked the dumbest question in existence. “I’m eating all of them, if she wants something, she’ll order something.”

The stallion smacked his face with his hoof, sliding it down. “You can’t eat a hundred eight donuts, you’ll kill yourself!”

“Says who?” The biped protested, as Fortnite allowed her head to fall on the table, she was not in the mood to deal with this.

“Says common sense, no one can eat a hundred eight donuts, you’ll die of a heart attack!”

Dante smiled, tapping his chest. “Maybe if I was a normal person, which I’m not. But I’ll be fine, my nanites are actually consuming my body at the moment because of my lack of caloric intake. So if you could please get me those donuts, I’ll be fine.”

The stallion scratched his head, confused. “What the heck’s a nanite?”

Fornite’s head, however, shot up in shock. “Consuming your body?” She cried, as the biped merely rolled his eyes. He looked to the changeling. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, I’ll explain later.” He turned to the stallion named Joe. “They’re tiny self-reproducing robots that are programmed to aid in various situations. In this case, it’s converting matter into pure energy. Or… rather, converting a shit-ton of donuts into energy.”

Joe sighed, relenting. “Fine, but if you die it’s not on my shop. That will be ninety-five bits. Ninety for the donuts and five for the coffee.”

Dante produced a cloth bag from one of the pouches on his armor and tossed it on the table top. “There’s a couple of hundred bits in there, keep the change.”

Joe’s eyes lit up as he took the bag in his magic and raced off to make the biped’s order.

“Dante,” Fortnite hissed. “Where did you get those bits?” The biped leaned forward on the table, using his arms to support him.

He waved his hand in front of his face. “Grabbed it after that asshole dog tossed my badge in their pile of shiny shit. I actually found a rather large pile of bits in purses and grabbed as many as I could while not letting Bulwark see me boost them. Technically I did commit theft, but… eh. I somehow doubt most of the ponies I saved are going to be looking for these bits. Plus… I kind of needed them.”

Dante leaned back gazing past Fortnite. “Speaking of crime… Play it cool Fort, three goldies incoming.” He whispered, the changeling turning around to see that, indeed, three Solar guards were headed their way, with one leading the way. The leading stallion was a pegasus, the stallion to his left was a unicorn and his right was an earth.

As they got closer, Dante gave them a lazy salute, putting his trigger and middle finger to his forehead and pulling away from it. “Evenin’ gents. How’s it going?” Dante greeted.

The lead stallion nodded. “Good evening. We’ve received reports of a possible kidnapping and you fit the description.”

Dante looked around the room, exaggeratedly, before turning his gaze back to the stallion and shrugging. “I guess I am pretty easy to find since I’m surrounded by small colorful horses and am an alien.”

The stallion nodded before turning to Fortnite. “Ma’am, are you in any sort of distress?”

Fortnite shook her head. “No, I’m here with him willingly.”

“We received reports of him picking you up and carrying you away. Are you certain you’re okay. Now’s the time to speak up.”

Fortnite merely shook her head once more. “No, picking me up is… well, just kind of what he does.”

The stallion shook his head. “Very well, apologies for the interruption. For administrative purposes, may I see some ID.”

Fortnite could feel the panic coming on once more, how was she going to explain away her lack of identification.

“Well, I have a shit-ton of IDs, but all of them are alien so you probably won’t accept those. And Fortnite was one of the people I rescued from a diamond dog den so any ID she had was destroyed when she was first captured.” Fortnite’s panic slowly died down as Dante did the lying for her.

The stallion nodded once more. “Understandable, I suppose. Then could I have your name.”

The unicorn to the right of the lead stallion levitated a notepad and pen up.

“Sure. General Dante T. Jaeger. D-A-N-T-E T. J-A-E-G-E-R.” The stallion jotted down the name.

“My name’s fou- er, Fortnite.” The stallion nodded, as Dante raised two fingers.

“That’s Fortnite, by the way. Non-traditional spelling. F-O-R-T-N-I-T-E.”

The lead stallion and looked to Dante. “And you have permission to be in Equestria.”

Dante raised an eyebrow as the question, though didn’t miss a beat with his response. “Well.. I mean neither of the princess have told to me to get out yet, so I can only assume I’m allowed in Equestria.”

“Very well.” He once more turned to face Fortnite. “Please be sure to have your ID reissued as soon as possible.” The disguised changeling nodded, as he turned back to the biped.

“One more question, do you have any weapons on you?”

Dante smiled, locking gazes with the stallion. “Is this official questioning, or casual?”

“Official.”

Dante’s smile grew wider. He retrieved his rifle from the wall. “AR-15, standard issue to all Imperial troops operating on Earth in order to blend in with the local forces better. This one had been modified to fire full-auto.” He dropped the mag and racked the charging handle, a round falling on the table. He set the rifle on the table.

Before anyone could say anything else, he pulled his handgun from his right thigh, dropping the mag and racking the slide, he cleared. “Gen 7 Glock 17. Not standard issue, I just prefer it.” He set it on the table.

He produced a similar shaped weapon from his left thigh. “LP-58. Standard issue sidearm for Imperial forces as the cells are rechargeable.” He cleared the weapon once more.

“Ve-” The stallion was cut off as Dante produced several cylinders from various pouches. “RX-67 hydrogen powered hand grenades. Their yield is variable, but they’re pretty destructive.”

Dante began pulling blades from all over the webbing on his armor, some folding, some fixed. “And I’ve got a shit ton of blades.” As he threw the last one on the table, the pile of weapons was building high.

“And then there’s my armor.” The back opened up, allowing the biped to step out.

“Okay… Well, then. I’m afr-” The stallion was once more cut off as Dante began tossing more knives onto the table.

“Oh gods, he has more...” The Earth stallion groaned.

“Yep.” Dante grunted as he reached into his left sleeve and producing a small pistol, he did the same with his right arm. He then produced a small fixed blade from his right arm, same with the left.

By this time, pile on the table had started to spill over the side, Dante now just haphazardly tossing weapons into the pile.

He balanced on one leg, pulling a Glock 26 from the inside of his right leg, then producing another from the outside leg, then dropped two mags from the same area.

He repeated the same action with his left leg, also producing three knives from his boot, and three more from his other boot.

He reached into the left hip pocket of his pants, producing another small pistol, then his right, another pistol. His back pockets followed, producing two more pistols. He reached into the cargo pockets on his thighs, producing two more Glock 26’s and adding them to the pile.

He produced seven full sized service pistols from his waistband, having been concealed by his shirt. He also produced several more magazines from his waist band.

He pulled a knife off a holster hanging from a chain around his neck and then unbuckled his belt, pulling off his pants.

“Ahahahah” The stallion shouted as he realized what was about to happen. “Okay, stop.”

Dante looked around the stallion, one leg out of his pants, revealing more weapons strapped to him. “I’ve still got more, though.”

“Dante, what in the name of Tartarus are you doing?” Fortnite screeched, as Dante casually looked at her.

“There’s three layers of carry, Fort. You got open, concealed and deep carry. I’ve gotten through with the open and concealed carry. I need to do the deep carry now.”

“Just… put your pants back on, please.” The stallion groaned, as the two ponies flanking either side of him were struggling to keep straight faces at the scene.

The stallion sighed, as customers began filtering into the store, most of them stopping to gawk at the odd scene, the large pile of alien weaponry and the biped with his pants half off.

Dante merely shrugged and pulled his pants back on.

“Under normal circumstances, I would have to confiscate these items, as the carrying of weapons within Canterlot limits is illegal. However, given the large amount, the fact that I don’t want to be responsible for advanced weaponry and the fact that I don’t want to watch you strip naked trying to disarm, I have elected to allow you to keep them, this time.” The stallion eyed the pile, noting with dread just how many weapons were somehow concealed on this biped.

Fortnite groaned as she looked at the clock, Dante had been revealing his weapons for a good ten minutes and this is how it ended? He was still armed?

“Wait a minute, Dante! How heavy is all that stuff anyways!” She asked as she realized just how large the pile was.

The biped laughed as he continued to place his weapons back to where they properly should be. “Eh… about a hundred-fifty or two-hundred, give or take.”

The unicorn stallion, however, had noted one of the rectangular devices in particular and took an interest in it.

He pointed to it with his hoof. “May I?” Dante glanced over and saw he was pointing to an automatic knife.

“Sure. Be my guest.” The unicorn picked the automatic up in his magic, examining it and trying to puzzle the alien device out. It seemed to be two pieces of metal sandwiched together with a smaller piece of steel in between them. On the right side of the rectangle was what appeared to be a clip held in by screws.

He noted what appeared to be a black button on the cylinder and used his magic to press it.

The blade of the knife flicked open, the unicorn dropping it in surprise, not expecting it to be a knife.

The biped laughed, as he watched the unicorn scoop it up once more in his magic with a light “ooh” emanating from his mouth.

“Hold the button down to close the blade.” Dante stated, not looking up from replacing a few batons in their holsters.

He unicorn did as told, holding the button down and then folding the blade back into the handle.

He repeated the process a few more times, a small smile forming on his face each time he did it.

“You want it?” Dante asked, as he finally stepped back into his armor, the unicorn looking up, surprised.

“Does your species not have a directive against giving technology to other races? Equestria has knives, but nothing like this.”

Dante snorted. “The Imperium isn’t worried about knives and batons. The only thing they care about is firearms, explosives, power armor and various other advanced tech. These knives are literally just pieces of metal with some springs in them. The most advanced thing in them is probably the spring.”

The unicorn cleared his throat.

“I appreciate the offer, but I really shouldn’t. I can’t take gifts.” Dante spied the look on his face, the one he was so desperately trying to hide, the face someone makes, trying to justify a purchase in their mind.

“It would make a far better concealed weapon then that dagger you’ve got shoved into the right side of your armor.”

The unicorn looked up at the biped in shock, as his left foreleg moved to brush the front of his armor, where the handle of a dagger was jutting out, though created in such a way to mimic the spikes on his chest piece.

“How did yo-”

“Know?” Dante finished holstering the last weapon on his person and then quickly charged his rifle, no one entirely sure how had managed to rearm faster then he had disarmed.

“My job is to know. Your wing-man over there,” Dante pointed to the pegasus. “Has got two daggers concealed under both wings. And your plain pony over there? The horse shoes he’s got on have got small spikes jutting out of them. Not long enough to be lethal, but they’re going to make any kick or hit he gives worse.”

Dante slid back into the booth smiling at them, Fortnite rolling her eyes at her companion’s behavior.

“And I suppose this is the part where you tell me that you could have easily killed us three?”

Dante shook his head as he relaxed in the booth. “Nope. Because then I would have had to kill those six other guys you had stay outside.” Dante’s grin grew wider as he slid the frowning unicorn the automatic knife.

“Don’t consider it a gift… consider it an exchange of cultures between two soldiers.”

The stallion relented, collecting the knife in his magic and clipping it to the harness holding his armor on. Though he did crack a smile and nodded at the biped.

“Now, let’s try this again, shall we?” Dante held out a hand. “Dante Jaeger.”

The stallion eyed the hand, then reached his hoof out and bumped it. “Lieutenant Steel Hoof.”

Dante pulled his hand back, eyeing it with curiosity. “Nice to meet you, hope we can meet on friendlier terms in the future. Terms in which I am not accused of kidnapping.”

Steel chuckled. “Apologies for that, Sir. I just needed to make sure nothing was going on.”

Dante waved to the stallion. “I understand, LT, I’ve had stints in law enforcement before.”

Fortnite laid her head down as the two began to chat back and forth about various arrests they had made. It wasn’t a topic that interested her.

She allowed her mind to drift out of consciousness.

Celestia ran into the throne room in a panic, as Luna stood in the middle of a towering pile of books, frantically scanning through them utilizing her magic.

“I can’t find our definition of an intelligent being!” Luna shouted, tears forming in her eyes.

“And I can’t find Dante!” Celestia shouted, her mane in in disarray from having flown around Canterlot for a few hours.

“Oh, gods! They’re going to put him down like an animal!”

Fortnite woke, drool forming on her muzzle.

She shot up, snorting and shaking her head. She glanced around warily, spying Dante happily munching on donuts.

“Evenin’, honey. Have a nice nap?” He mumbled through his donut as Fornite used her foreleg to wipe the drool off her fur.

“Where’s the guards?” She asked, noticing the lack of the Solar Guards.

Dante swallowed the donut that he had in his mouth, smiling at Fortnite. “You’ve been out for an hour. They left a while ago. Steel told me I should probably get authorization from one of the princesses if I plan to continue carrying around weaponry. Something about royal guards being allowed to carry weapons in all Equestrian jurisdictions due to a privilege extended to them by the crown.” Dante shrugged. “I mean the Imperium considers the right to bear arms an inherent right for all sapient beings, but… eh… you know. Less advanced civilizations and all that.”

It was at this point that Fortnite finally noticed the pile of empty donut boxes to Dante’s right, her eyes widening.

“Oh… wow… you weren’t kidding.”

“I don’t joke about food, Fort.” Fortnite missed the eye roll Dante gave as he eyed something behind her.

Dante picked up his cup of coffee and finished it in a single gulp. “Not exactly the healthiest of meals, but at least the nanites will stop eating my fucking stomach.” He set it back down on the table and gestured to Fortnite. “Come on. Venus is saying the satellites are nearly done.”

Fortnite slipped from the bench and began missing.

She was waving goodbye to Joe as the passed a booth. As she was looking the other way, Dante locked eyes the group of six ponies sitting at the booth. His gaze hardened, his green and blue eyes filling with promises of death, a clear and dry warning to the group.

His rage filled eyes died down as he passed the booth, now having to crane his neck if he desired to continue looking at them, which he didn’t.

He and Fortnite made their way out of the door and into the night of Canterlot, the cold air hitting their lungs.

“Oh, geez. It got cold up here.” Fortnite stated, her breath visible in the air.

“Well, we are on the side of a mountain… ship… ship-mountain.” Dante frowned, not entirely sure what he should be calling his ship now.

But he continued on, walking forward. As they got further from the cafe they had entered a little while before, the biped heard the door open, a few seconds passed before it closed once more.

His eyes narrowed, not even needing his suit’s sensors to know what happened.

The group of six ignored his warning and followed them. Without warning, he picked Fortnite up and shot off

“What are you doing?” She screeched.

“Reasons!” He shouted as his feet slammed against the ground, shouts erupting from behind him.
“Dante stop!” She once more screeched as she spied the railing the biped was making a beeline for.

Though he didn’t stop, instead electing to use his free hand to vault himself and his companion over the rail and into a forty-foot plunge.

Dante rolled when he hit the ground, Fortnite jolting from the sudden shock as Dante once more shot off.

Still, however, a few pegasi launched themselves over the ledge, trailing the biped.

“You can’t just yell ‘reasons’ every time I ask you to explain yourself!”

“Yes I can!” He shouted as he took a hard corner, slipping down a narrow alleyway, hoping to shake off his flying pursuers.
Of course, he ran straight into a dead end.

“Venus, it would have been helpful if you had fucking told me this was a dead-end!”

The A.I. remained silent as Dante turned around to face his pursuers, drawing his sidearm and pushing his back against the wall, tucking Fortnite closed to his body.

He held his sidearm up, barrel pointed in the air. “Evenin’ gents.” He nodded to the group of six ponies, though they were being funneled down two at a time in the narrow alleyway.

“Give us the changeling!”

Fortnite blanched at the word.

“Changeling? What changeling? You mean Fortnite here?” Dante lifted the pony slightly up, gesturing to here. “She’s not a changeling, she’s a bona-fide, one hundred percent po-”

“Shut up.” One of the lead ponies growled, causing Dante to roll his eyes.

“Wow, you’re fucking rude. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth.” Dante shook his head.

“Listen, fucksticks, I’m not handing Fortnite over to you all.”

“I found it!” Luna shouted, as she held up the extremely thick lawbook in her magic.

“Well what does it say!” Celestia shouted back, her mane now a mess from her frantic searching and pacing.

Luna’s eyes scanned the law. “It says ‘All species native to Anima who show clear signs of intelligence such as tool use, society, civilization, communication, etc. are considered intelligent in the eyes of the law.’… what idiot wrote this moronic definition of intelligent beings?”

“You did!” Celestia informed her, as the solar princess’ eyes widened at the realization.

“Why was I an idiot who wrote such a moronic definition!”

“Luna, that’s not the issue! The law doesn’t consider General Jaeger to be an intelligent being, meaning he’s only protected by animal welfare laws!”

“Well we have to fix this, immediately!” Luna panicked, as Celestia shook her head.

“No, we need to find Jaeger and ensure nothing happens that could lead to the nobles calling for his…” She shuddered at the thought of even saying this word about a clearly intelligent creature. “His ‘euthanasia’.”

“Hold on, so, let me get this straight. By Equestrian law, I’m considered an animal because I’m not native to this planet?”

The lead pony nodded, as he attempted to take another step forward to close the gap. However, Dante gestured with his sidearm. “Ahahaha. Back the fuck up, boy.”

He had managed to mostly pacify them after they threatened to put him down like a dog, and then gave a short explanation about how he wasn’t actually an intelligent being according to Equestria’s laws. Something which prompted Dante to question them more, though it took firing a round near one of them to get them to back off. And with any luck that would attract guards to deal with them after hearing the gunshot, instead of Dante having to risk making the rulers of this land even more mad.

“Listen, just give us the changeling, and we’ll leave you be.” The lead pony stated once more.

Dante sighed, taking a deep breath. “Fortnite,” He glanced down at the disguised changeling, who looked back to him.

“Do you trust me?”

She nodded. “I-… Yes.”

Dante nodded. “Good, hold on.”

Before she could reply, Dante shot off, covering the short distance between him and the bunched up group. He saw a few horns light up, fully prepared to stop the charging biped from barreling into the group.

Though none were prepared for his next action.

Mere feet from the lead pony, Dante leapt to the right, his right foot making contact with the windowless wall creating the alley.

At the same time, jets built into the back of his armor activated, though instead of pushing him away from the wall, they instead pushed him against it.

To the ponies watching him, it appeared as though he was defying gravity while his back was on fire, a screaming and terrified pony held against his chest as he ran across the wall, his body horizontal to the ground.

None of them moved until after the jets had deactivated, allowing the biped to right himself as he leapt off the wall, no longer cornered and stuck the landing. He once more took off at great speed, taking a corner as a dying taunt trailed behind him.

“Suckersssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss”

None of the group moved, surprised by what happened, until the lead pony shook his head, and turned around, attempting to make his way to clear space for his wings.

“Follow him, you idiots!”

“See, this isn’t so bad, now is it?” Cadance asked as she walked alongside her fiance, the white unicorn nodding his head. The two slowly approached an intersection

“I mean… besides the fact that it’s nearly midnight and a little late for a date, I suppose no-”

They were cut off as screaming reached their ears.

One was a high-pitched squealing, and the other was a deep, booming yell.

“Oh, fuck off, you fuck- Oh, hi, KD-ing cunts! She’s not a changeling!” The two ponies stood, wide-eyed as an armored biped thundered past the intersection, greeting the princess as a green unicorn mare who was squealing in fear in his arms.

The couple stared, their jaws open. “Was that Gene-” Shining Armor was once more cut off as a group of ponies, mixed with pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies thundered through the intersection once more, all of them yelling about something.

Cadance brought a hoof to her face, sighing.

“Before you ask, Shining… yes, that was General Jaeger and yes, we should go help him.” The stallion nodded.

Cadance spread her wings out and began hovering. “I’ll follow him and let you know where we are.”

Shining Armor said nothing, instead beginning to gallop in the direction the biped went as Cadance took to the skies.

“Dante, fence, fence, fence!” Fortnite’s eyes widened as she saw the tall wrought iron fence getting closer, certain Dante was going to run the two straight into it.

But just a few dozen feet from it, Dante leapt, arcing over the fence and clearing it as he landed on the other side.

The pegasi trailing the couple flew over the gate as Dante once more continued his run.

“Why, of all times, are you running away? Just kill them! You didn’t seem to have a problem doing that during the wedding.” Dante winced at the last sentence as they came upon what seemed to be an arena theater. A flat area rested at the bottom and was surrounded by seats, the edges surrounded by railings. On the other side of the pit the road continued.

Running across the very top, bridging the gap between the sides, was a thin metal bar.

Any reasonable person would have hung a right or a left and followed the path to the other end.

But Dante was in no way reasonable.

“Hold on!” Dante shouted as hopped onto the thin bar, a single foot landing on it.

He ran across the large gap, as soon as one foot landed on the bar, his back foot pushed off the bar and propelled him forward with almost impossible balance, despite the flailing changeling held on his left side.

He crossed the last few feet with a leap, landing gracefully on the other side, as the pegasi pursuing them merely crossed the gap by flight, but the rest of the group of ponies being forced to follow around the sides.

“The reason for me not killing them,” Dante began, as he started taking as many corners as he could in an attempt to shake off his winged pursuers. “Is because at the moment I am apparently classified as an animal. And while Equestria may not be able to kill me, and trust me I’m not alive from a lack of trying, it is going to create a headache for me. I can probably get away with the dogs and the changelings, but there is no way in hell the government is going to be happy if I start killing ponies. My main mission is to get home, and it’s going to be really difficult if I have to deal with a bunch of magical, colorful, talking equines trying to kill me because in the eyes of the law I’m on the same level as a dog while trying to get home.”

The biped took one more turn coming across a straight path.

Dante cursed. “Where the fuck is everyone! The royal guards here are just like the cops back home. They’re never fucking there when you need them but the moment you don’t want them anywhere near you, every cop in the state is suddenly right fucking next to you!”

The odd couple came across a flight of steps, which Dante didn’t bother to take, instead choosing to jump from the top, bypassing them by utilizing gravity.

“Goddamn, these assholes really hate you for some reason, how the fuck did they figure out you were a changeling.” Dante questioned as he continued running, Fortnite still tucked into his chest in her pony form.

“I don’t know! Just keep running.”

Dante turned a corner once more, only to be met by another dead-end.

“Oh… motherfucking… Venus! Will you fucking tell me when there’s a dead end, you useless cunt!”

Dante turned around, his back pushed firmly against the wall. The group of ponies rounded the corner, the pegasi present in the group still hovering in the significantly larger path, though still a dead end. They had learned from the last time.

“That was rude.” Venus spoke, her voice filtering though speakers on Dante’s armor.

“Do your fucking job, you old bitch, and I won’t be rude.” Dante growled.

“I’m younger then you are.”

“Shut up, Venus.”

He cleared leather, leveling his sidearm at the group.“Guys, this is a really bad decision on your part. She’s not a changeling, she’s a pony.”

The group said nothing.

Dante fired a round. His aim intentionally inches from one of the ponies, the group scrambled back a small bit, though they would soon once more advance on the marine and his companion, and he knew it.

Still, it bought him some breathing room.

“Get the fuck back! Or the next bullet is going in your head!”

Someone really needed to show up, or things were going to turn bad.

One particularly brave earth pony charged Dante, who in response kicked him. Hard enough to stop him and slide him back a few feet as he floundered on his side, attempting to right himself.

“Fuck off! You stupid bastards! Are you all fucking suicidal?”

Cadance hurried, her wings carrying her as fast as they could. What was supposed to be a nice little date had now turned into a race to catch up to a surprisingly fast biped and a mob of ponies chasing after him.

“I mean, my goodness. You know, it’s not like I’m flying or anything, how could he outrun me?” Cadance grumbled to herself as she flew faster in an attempt to catch the stranded general.

She flinched, shooting her hooves up to her ears as she heard a bang.

She only went faster upon remembering what the sound was. General Jaeger’s weapon of choice, a stick that made a loud bang while propelling a metal slug out really quickly. That was what the Princess of Love understood from the short briefing she had received from her aunts.

She reached the area where the explosion had originated from, and quickly found the biped, not like he was difficult to find, what with being a tall alien and all.

“Where is that bastard!” Celestia shouted, panting, as she soared through the Canterlot skies, still desperate searching for the biped, though having no luck.

She had heard a bang a few minutes ago, but when she got there, the biped was nowhere to be found.

And now here she was, still looking for him.

How could one extremely violent alien biped be so difficult to find?

“I mean, for goodness’ sake, it’s not like he uses portable multiple use explosions as his primary form of attack or anything!” Celestia mumbled to herself.

Dante groaned. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have had a problem in putting this group down. But that was when he was in friendly Imperial space.

Now he was in a country that was controlled by magical, colorful talking equines that didn’t have near the violence drive he did. And not only that, the laws that applied to him were animal welfare laws.

But he didn’t have much of a choice now. They were surrounded, and either he gave up Fortnite without a fight, not happening, or someone, or multiple people, were going to die.

He brought his sidearm once more to bear, this time fully prepared to kill the pony he was aiming at.

“This is your final warning!” He turned his body so that his right side was shielding the changeling held close to him. When he finally shot and killed the first one, the rest would undoubtedly charge him.

In any case, hits on him would be less damaging then hits on Fortnite.

As the Glock’s trigger safety was finally bypassed and the trigger itself came ever closer to breaking, a female voice broke the standoff before Dante could fire.

“Excuse me, but would somepony care to explain what is going on here?”

The lead pony, who had been advancing on Dante groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Stay out of this lady, this is none of y-yo-you” The stallion begn stuttering as he turned around, his mouth flapping open like a fish gasping for water as he saw the mare who had spoken.

There, standing behind the rest of his lynch mob, stood Princess Cadance. Though smaller then the other two alicorns, she still easily towered over most ponies. Though it wasn’t her height that terrified the leader into silence, it was what she could do to them.

“Oh! Hey, there KD, how’ya doing?” Dante gave a small wave his with right hand, gun still held in it.

Cadance met the biped’s eyes, eyebrow raised. “KD?”

He snorted, reholstering his sidearm. “Cadance is a long name.”

“… It’s a two syllable name. It’s the same length as yours, in fact it’s the same length as KD is!” Cadance shook her head.

“No, it doesn’t matter. General Jaeger, could you explain what is going on here.”

Cadance glanced to the unicorn held in Dante’s left arm, her once green face now having become blanched white.

“And could you also explain why you’re carrying a unicorn like she’s a puppy.”

Dante raised his trigger finger, a small smile on his face. “Very good question, KD. First, this is Fortnite. Say hi to the princess, Fort!” The unicorn remained frozen for a few seconds, as everyone merely stared between the alien and the princess.

Finally, Dante grasped one of Fortnite’s forelegs with his free hand and waved it for her. “She’s shy.” He explained.

Cadance could only stare at the ridiculousness that was an alien treating an adult pony like a foal.

“Second, apparently by Equestrian law I’m on the same level as a dog, meaning I don’t have the same protections as intelligent beings do here. And for some odd reason, these people,” Dante gestured to the frozen group, who were trapped between an alien armed to the teeth and an Equestrian princess. “Seem to think Fort’s a changeling. I don’t know why they think that, but they’ve been chasing us all the way from that Donut Joe’s place trying to get her. Normally! I would have killed them. However! I figured in this case, since I am not considered an intelligent being by Equestrian law, it would be best to avoid killing any ponies until this can get settled. Generally speaking, self-defense laws do not apply to animals. And since I am technically an animal… Well, I think you get the picture.”

Cadance nodded. “Uhuh…” She looked at the rest of the ponies standing in front of her. “Is there any part of the general’s story you’d like to dispute.”

“W-w-well, y-y-your Highness,” The stallion stumbled over his words as he attempted to find the right ones. Ones that would not insult the princess. “He is telling the truth, though we don’t believe that the pony he has is a changeling, but we know she is.”

“They threatened to kill me, KD!” Dante gave in a half hearted shout, sticking his lower lip out in a mock pout.

“And what would have me to do about that?”

Dante gave an uninterested shrug. “Iunno… Throw them in the dungeons and then throw away the key? I mean… you’re a princess, you can do that, can’t you?”

Cadance groaned, rolling her eyes. She gestured out of the alleyway with her hoof.

“All of you, leave, now. Before I do take the general up on his offer and throw you in the dungeons.”

The group remained frozen, like a deer in headlights. Sure, an Equestrian princess just told them to leave, but there was a changeling right there.

“But, your Hi-” The lead pony was cut off as the towering biped picked him up by the scruff of his neck, causing him to yelp in surprise.

“I’ll be the one doing the throwing, KD.” He stated as, indeed, he underhandedly tossed the stallion at one of his friends who had been closer to the Princess of Love, causing a tangled pile of limbs.

And in case the toss didn’t get his point across, Dante lightly punted another pony standing near him, resulting in two ponies now being even closer to the exit of the alleyway then they had been a few seconds earlier.

The actions worked, as the rest of the group got the message and roared off, the two ponies who had impacted each other struggled for a few moments to free themselves and also shot off.

Dante walked to the exit of the alley, joining the Princess of Love in the open street, his left hand resting on his hip as the two watched the herd of ponies seemingly run for their lives.

“Well…” Dante began, smacking his lips as he clicked his tongue. “That could have turned out way worse… isn’t that right, Fort?” Dante looked to the unicorn as he gave her a light jostle with his arm.

She was still frozen into silence, her face still blanched.

“Right… well… that’s going to be a problem.” He turned to Cadance, meeting her eyes. “Anyways, thanks for the save back there. It was about to get… well, I’d say messy, but with the way they were about charge us after the first shot the guards probably would have been scraping their guts off the wall for a few days.”

Cadance snorted. “So messy is an understatement?”

“Yeah, mo-” Dante went from standing to jumping in front of Cadance and impacting the ground in a space of not even a second, as a white blur impacted the ground and skidded forward, leaving an impact crater.

Dante held his upper body up as he cleared leather with his right hand, leveling his service pistol on whatever had just attempted to tackle him.

The blur immediately shot up, though covered in dirt and rock, the white coat and ethereal mane were immediately obvious.

Dante reholstered his sidearm, rolling his eyes in the process.

“Is he still here, I didn’t miss him again, did I?” Celestia’s panicked voice cut through the air as Cadance gawked at the disheveled mess that was her aunt.

“Jesus! Fuckin’! Tap Dancing! Christ!” Dante shouted as he picked himself from the ground, glancing down to check on the disguised changeling in the process, swearing that her face seemed to be even whiter then it had been seconds before.

“Will you fucking ponies stop trying to fucking tackle me! Goddamn! First Pinkie tried that shit and now it’s you, Carcharodon! Jesus Christ!”

“Oh! General, good.” Celestia let out a breath. “You’re okay thank the gods, I was terrified.” Celestia took in a deep breath, and then let it out. “And I’m glad to have caught you before you got involved in any altercations. You see, due to some issues in how we wrote the law, we discovered you’re technic-”

“An animal. Yeah, I know.” Dante stated, as the blood seemed to drain from Celestia’s face. “And you’re wrong, your help would have been appreciated about half a bloody hour ago. I’ve been running around Canterlot trying to avoid a lynch mob. And it was about look like something out of a B-list horror flick. Thankfully, however,” Dante moved over to Cadance, using his right arm to lean on Cadance’s head, the Princess of Love frowning at the maneuver. “KD over here intervened instead and saved six ponies from being no name extras in a b list alien splatterfilm.”

Cadance quickly stepped back, causing Dante’s body to no longer have anything supporting it. As gravity took hold, the biped’s eyes widened as he crashed into the ground with a bodily ‘oomph’.

“He’s a vicious mongrel who needs to be put on a bite list and wear a warning collar, Auntie.” Cadance retorted.

Dante chuckled from his position on the ground. “Ooh, kinky.”

He once more picked himself up, dusting his body off in the process and checking on the unicorn he was still holding to make sure she was uninjured. “But I’ll have you know, my dear Cadance, while I appreciate the offer, I am an a happily married man.” He raised his ungloved right hand, wriggling his hands and displaying a dull metallic ring.

“Well… this is unfortunate, however, that does not mean this situation is not salvageable. I wi-”

Celestia was cut off by a shout, as the people present turned their heads to look down the street, to be greeted by the image of Shining Armor, in full armor and wielding a sword charging down the street while yelling.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa-” He shout died down as he reached the group, stopping and looking around confused.

“We already chased them off, dear.” Cadance stated, as Shining Armor looked around, a frown on his face.

“Aww.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Dante shouted as he held up a small, black rectangular device. “What the fuck! Did some fucking asshole download Tinder onto my fucking phone before the Battle? Fucking Grindr?”

Pinkie Pie popped her head out of a nearby wicker basket leaning against a building. “Hey! You stole that joke from Deadpool Two!” She pointed accusingly, her eyes narrowing.

Dante stared at her. “How the fuck do you know what Deadpool Two is! And furthermore, what the fuck are you even doing here, you’re supposed to be in Ponyville!”

“Keith told me about it!”

Dante slapped his face, as the rest of the group stared between him and the pink pony who still had her head popped out of the wicker basket.

The biped sighed, gently setting Fortnite to the ground, whose face seemed to have impossibly become even whiter with the arrival of Shining Armor.

Dante unholstered his sidearm and aimed it at the side of his head, everyone’s eyes widening with the exception of Pinkie Pie thanks to Keith, and Fortnite thanks to the fact that she was still frozen in fear.

The biped raised his middle finger on his left hand. “Fuck all of this shit. I’m out.”

A bang sounded through Canterlot.

Author's Notes:

I promise you! I will find some way to fit a Canada joke in the story!

Now enjoy Deadpool calling out the Europe.

Again, as always, if you liked and favorited this story, please tell me why. If you disliked this story, please tell me why you disliked it. Thank you very much. I also enjoy criticism as it helps me to improve. So if you do downvote, please leave a comment letting me know why. Be it grammar, spelling, pacing, or you just fucking hate the character!