Solitude was an old friend whom rarely paid Twilight a visit thanks to her busy lifestyle and near perpetual onslaught of friendly visits. But tonight was date night! With Spike gone camping the young magician armed herself with some jasmine tea and a trashy romance novel. There was a bit of cleaning to do first, but it was nothing two or three simple spells couldn’t handle.

“Maybe I should give him less chores around here” she mused aloud “he keeps rushing them all, this place is a half cleaned mess!”

With a little focus and a mental incantation Twilight channeled a portion of her vast powers through her horn to levitate the various scattered baubles and books from the floor and desks. The glowing objects flew past each other with nary a ‘hello’ nor a ‘goodbye’ as they hurried to their varied destinations. Twilight’s thoughts strayed as a book titled ‘The Heat of June’ drifted past her face on its way to the shelf. She reminisced fondly of the raunchy adventures the protagonist and her had shared within the bindings of that novel. Within seconds Twilight was rudely jarred from her daydream by a sharp clang from behind.

“EEK!” the startling noise failed her concentration. All around her books, papers, and miscellaneous objects hit the hard wood floor. The sound of breaking ceramic from behind told Twilight what she had knocked together in her lapsed focus before she even turned around.

On the floor behind her rested her two favorite dinner plates, one atop the other. The plate with Princess Luna on it was unharmed, but Twilight’s Princess Celestia plate wasn’t so lucky.

“Oh Celestia damnit” Twilight hissed.

With a heavy heart, Twilight gave her beloved mentors shattered face a proper burial in the kitchen trash before returning to the library commons. There was less clutter altogether, but now the remaining junk was scattered about the floor haphazardly.

“Ugh… I’ll finish it a little later.” Twilight used her magic to pull the culprit book across the room to her. “June, you and I have a little catching up to do.” With her evening tucked safely in her telekinetic grip, she adjourned to her bedroom for the night.

Twilight skipped towards her bed ready to dive under the crisp sheets for the night when a rank odor annihilated any notion of relaxation. Recoiling with watery eyes, she dropped her book and desperately sought out the source while holding her breath.

“Ew! What in Equestria is- Spike!” Twilight found her answer. In Spike’s hasty preparations to go camping, her assistant had neglected his heaping full laundry basket and left it sitting in direct sunlight for Celestia knows how long.

“That’s disGUSting!” she shrieked scooping the basket up in her magic. Even using a spell on it made her feel grody. As she rushed down to the basement with the bundle, she made a quick mental note to bleach her horn later. Amputation was also an option.

Twilight made a mad dash for the basement with the offending laundry held above and downwind from her. With a quick and poorly aimed spell she forced open the door to her basement and vaulted down the steps to the laundry area. The lid to the washing machine jumped open from a flick of her horn, and she launched the mass of sweaty cloths at the machine, basket and all. The basket toppled midair and spilled most of its contents into the opening of the washer. Only one article of clothing failed to leave the basket appropriately. The impact of the basket hitting the lid to the washer jarred loose a small white T-shirt, which fell to the floor as the basket itself careened towards the corner of the room.

“Spike is sooo going to get it when he gets home.” Twilight seethed as she trotted up to the washer. After dumping a liberal helping of detergent into the unsorted laundry load, Twilight glanced down to inspect which rebellious article had dared to escape her wrath.

Still weary of dragon sweat funk, Twilight used her magic to pick up the shirt and turn it around. She rolled her eyes once she saw the image of her friend Rarity back dropped by a big red heart.

“Honestly Spike… It’s a good thing Rarity knows you. Anypony else would think you were some creepy stal-” a polaroid fell from the shirt Twilight was levitating. She caught a fleeting glimpse of something familiar and alarmingly purple on its face as it tumbled through the air before landing face down.

“-ker?” Twilight’s voice cracked and she dropped the shirt she was holding. It landed in a white heap atop the mysterious picture, her friend’s large eyes gazing up at her tauntingly.

Twilight shook her head about briskly, as if to clear a cloud in her vision. “Wow! Heheh… those cloths must be muskier than I thought. I swear I just saw a picture fall out of Spike’s shirt. Maybe I’ll skip the romance novel and just go to bed.” Twilight closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down while she levitated the Rarity shirt into the wash. She closed the lid of the washer and turned it on blindly, then opened her eyes.

The picture was still there. Twilight blinked furiously at it, as if it would be gone the next time she opened her eyes. The picture remained, resistant to Twilights willing it out of existence. Swallowing the sand in her throat, Twilight enveloped the picture in her magic.

“No need to panic… maybe it’s just a picture of her winking at the camera!” Twilight reasoned. “Spike’s not really a stalker; he’s just got a childhood crush. And it’s not like she really minds the uh… the attention.”

The picture lifted off the ground to rest air born at eye level. Twilight held her breath and turned the picture over to see what it was of. She immediately dropped it.

“Oh… oh sweet Celestia!” Twilight felt her lunch threatening the back of her throat. Tripping over her own hooves in an alarmed backtrack, she fell onto her rump and stared at the hideous picture in disgust and fear.

“No… no damnit!” Twilight held her hoof to her mouth to keep from vomiting. Her heart skipped several beats as her brain double and triple checked what she had just processed. Twilight Sparkle began to cry as she stared at the candid picture that lay before her… the candid picture of her.

“This isn’t happening… It’s not!” Twilight yelled at herself. She stared through her tears at the picture. It really was of her. But it was by no means an ordinary photo. Taken from behind, she could see more of her own flank, thighs, and… everything else than she ever wanted to! Out of reflex Twilight crossed her own legs protectively as she tried to focus more on the setting of the picture, instead of her own butt and etcetera at its focus.

“That looks like my…” Twilight wheezed speculatively. She managed to pull herself to her hooves and tore her eyes from the picture.

Finding herself in her own bathroom, Twilight blinked and looked around. She didn’t remember when she had walked there, but she remembered vividly why she had come. Twilight ripped the shower curtain away without ceremony and examined the tile walls. On the wall just under the showerhead there was a s small chunk of grout missing from between two tiles.

“You… you little bastard!” Twilight focused her magic and ripped the tiles away from the tiny opening.

The two tiles on either side of the gap came out with no protest, but in her blistering fury Twilight took a few of the surrounding tiles with it. Resting within the hole in the shower stall before her was a small camera rigged with an antenna.

Twilight stared at the camera as if it were some alien device of unknown origin and function. The little black machine seemed almost surreal. As the shock came around full circle Twilight bowed her head and vomited into the shower stall. She made no attempt to get to the toilet just behind her, gaging and heaving where she stood until all that came up were sobbing grunts and painful coughs. Once the sickness passed, she numbly left the bathroom and drifted towards the room she shared with her once beloved assistant and adopted brother.

“I know… *cough* there’s more.” Reaching her room, Twilight stopped in the doorway to get one last glimpse of her peaceful sanctuary.

She ignored the invitations of her bed; she wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon. She considered the glass door to her balcony; maybe a three story drop would solve this problem. She ended her gaze on the bed Spike slept in. Without a thought, the basket weave, blanket, and pillows were enveloped in a purple glow and torn to ribbons.

As the pieces of cloth and stuffing scattered about the room violently, a manila envelope spilled from the belly of the largest pillow.

Twilight approached the envelope while still holding the bedding remains with her magic, keeping the cadaver of Spike’s bed quartered to the four corners of her room. She couldn’t seem to let go of the pieces or use her magic on anything else, so she used her hooves and mouth to pull back the strap and dump the contents across the floor.

A shower of pictures fell from the envelope. As they came to rest on the floor, Twilight saw the devious collage of herself begin to form. Twilight Sparkle felt something snap at that moment. As she looked over each individual picture, the darkest corner of her mind began to sing a Hearths Warming carol from her childhood, the one about Santa Hooves.

He knows when you are sleeping.

A picture of her nestled in bed, sound asleep. He was standing over her when he took it!

He knows when you’re awake.

One taken from behind, of her in the kitchen cooking. He took it at an angle to see up her apron.

He knows when you’ve been bad-

A picture of her in her room, having a private moment with one of her novels. Sweet Celestia he was in the closet!

Or good!

Another bathroom one, but this time relaxing in the bathtub! He clearly has more than one camera spot.

So be good for goodness sake!

“AAAAGH!!!” Twilight wailed in anguish a as she threw the pile of pictures into the air and sent them flying, scattering about the room away from her.

Ooooooh!

She choked up and fell to her knees. Resting her head on the floor she closed her eyes tight and let the tears flow, sobbing helplessly on the cold and unforgiving wood.

You better watch out.

Something sharp gripped both of Twilight’s sides… it felt like a pair of claws.

You better not cry!

Twilight’s body locked up, eyes snapping open in terror.

You better not pout, I’m telling you why!

She felt a breath of hot air against the back of her neck as a scaly body pushed against her.

Santa Hooves is comiiiing~

A sultry and heinous whisper in her ear “I’m home.”

To toooooown!

~fin