Lyra's Series of Unfortunate Incidents

by Rainedash

Chapter 1: Lyra's Series of Unfortunate Incidents.

“Lyra, time to get up,” came a voice from downstairs, calling up to their bedroom.

Lyra was lying on the bed when her lover's voice pulled her from her sleep. She reached her hoof out feeling out the spot next to her, the spot where Bon Bon would normally be laying. “Bons?” she murmered as her eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the light. “Bons?” she said again, louder this time.

She didn't have to wait long for her answer. “I'm in the kitchen. Breakfast is ready sleepyhead.”

After stretching and getting out the last of any stiffness in her muscles, Lyra got off the bed and sniffed the air. The wondrous smells of baked goods were calling out to her, pulling her down towards their kitchen. Lyra put up on resistance and followed the scent's command. There, she found Bon Bon next to a group of freshly made honey oat muffins and strawberries & cream crepes. “Mmm, smells great,” she said with a large smile. Their kitchen wasn't big, but Bon Bon had a way of organizing it that seemed to bring out its full potential. Lyra once asked her how she managed to do so much with it, and Bon Bon said something about how a true chef should always be able to make most of any kitchen. She swiped the nearest muffin and took a big bite. “Mmf's MF Mmmf?”

“How many times must I tell you not to talk with food in your mouth?” said Bon Bon, pouring the oatmeal from its pot down into two bowls.

Lyra rolled her eyes. Dating an older mare did have some advantages, but occasionally getting scolded like a filly wasn't one of them. She swallowed, then playfully licked Bon Bon's nose causing the mare to step back.

“Ly-Lyra!” Bon Bon wiped at the now wet spot.

After giggling over it for a moment, Lyra said, “Anyways, I was asking why you got up early? Something special going on?”

Bon Bon scowled. “You had better be joking about that. I know I told you not even a week ago what was coming up.”

“Hm...” Lyra tapped on her chin. “Sorry, but nothing is coming to mind. Wanna give me a few hints?”

“I... you... ARGH!” Bon Bon's tail flicked back and forth.

“I'm sure it'll come to me.” She quickly ate and headed for the door. “Hate to eat and run, but I gotta head out. You know, music stuff to do. Very technical, you wouldn't understand.” She kissed Bon Bon's cheek while walking past her.

“Don't come back until you remember,” growled Bon Bon behind her.

Once she was outside, and more importantly out of earshot, Lyra snickered. Pranking her girlfriend was always fun, and the mare was adorable when she had that serious scowl. The truth is that Lyra would never forget why this day was so important, it was their first anniversary. On this day one year ago they met on a blind date set up by a mutual friend. Lyra spent the week leading up to today trying to think of the perfect gift, and place the order for it yesterday.

Lyra happily pranced down the street, waving to the ponies that she passed by. Above her were a few clouds giving the town shade, keeping it at a cool temperature, as a gentle breeze blew between the buildings. It was the great Fall morning and nothing could go wrong.

She came to halt as she made it to the center of town, right in front of Sugar Cube Corner. Inside of the bakery many ponies were picking up a quick bite to eat before heading to work, or school for the younger ones. Lyra patiently waited in line for her turn, listening to the ambient chatter of the others, generally revolving around what they had planned for today.

“Next,” said Pinkie from behind the counter. “Oh, hey Lyra, just stay there for one second.” The pink pony disappeared into the back before reappearing exactly one second later holding a rectangle cake box. Pinkie opened the top of the box so Lyra could see it. Just as she ordered, there was the stick figure of a mint green unicorn and a beige earth pony drawn on with icing. Under them was written; One year down, many more still to go. The cake itself was a carrot cake, same as the first thing that Bon Bon ever baked for her. Pinkie closed it and wrapped a big red bow around it.

“Thanks Pinkie.”

Pinkie saluted. “Happiness of our customers is of utmost importance here at Sugar Cube Corner! She's going to love it, I pinkie swear.”

Lyra giggled at Pinkie's response. It wasn't often that she came across a pony more energetic – or as Bon Bon would put it, more insane – than herself. After levitating it onto her back, Lyra left the bakery and headed back for home.

The conversation that would come between Bon Bon and herself played out in her head. I'll come home and she'll have cooled off but still be kinda ticked at me. Then I'll be like, 'Oh guess what, I remembered all along and got this super special sentimental cake.' She'll get that pretty smile and be all like, 'Oh Lyra, I'm so lucky to have you. I love you.' And I'll be all, 'I know babe. I know.' Nothing can stop me now.

The earth rumbled beneath her hooves and from behind her she heard loud rumbling that sounded like thunder, only it didn't vanish quickly like thunder would have.

“Stampede!” shouted a pegasus from above.

Lyra had just enough time to look behind her before the cows were upon her. Not knowing what else to do, she ducked and scrunched into the tightest ball she could, watching the cow hooves beat against the ground mere inches from from her face. As quickly as it began it ended, and the last of the bovines ran past her, leaving Lyra relatively unscathed aside from her frayed nerves. She rose to her hooves, slowly regaining her composure. “Phew,” she said, wiping her brow. “Got lucky there...” Her sentence petered out as a horrifying realization dawned on her. She raised one of her shoulder blades, confirming the extra weight that was there only a moment ago. She followed by doing the same with the other shoulder blade, and then bending up her back. The cake was gone. Looking down the street, Lyra could see the box – thanks to the bow Pinkie had placed on it – on the back of one of the cows.

A new image and what will come rose to the top of her thoughts: “You had this great cake but it was stolen by a stampede of cows?” Bons will then rub the bridge of her nose. “Lyra, I can forgive you for forgetting our anniversary, but don't make up excuses.” “But... but...” Her lips quivered, as she felt like she was on the verge of crying.

The look of worry faded, and a flame of determination erupted in her eyes. “That is not going to happen!” Taking off like a rocket, the green blur shot down the street after the stampede, slowly gaining ground. Lyra leapt over broken pieces of stalls that the cows smashed as they went through town, eventually entering the wider pasture beyond town limits. The cake's box was in clear view and under normal circumstances she could have grabbed it with her magic, but the situation was less than ideal; hard to concentrate while running and trying to get a hold of a moving target. One wrong tug and it'd end up trampled into the ground, never to be eaten and enjoyed by anypony..

Need to get closer.

There was only one way to do that. She got as close as she could to the nearest cow in the back of the herd and jumped up, grabbing it's tail with her mouth. The cow mooed angrily. I don't like this either! She hung there, being knocked back and forth by the cow's powerful back legs. Lyra held tight to its flanks with her hooves, and waited until the cow's left back leg to kick out. Timing her own back leg, she pushed down onto the cow's leg, propelling her up onto its back. The ride was anything but steady, and she had to stay low just to keep from falling off. Step 1: Complete. Time for step 2... All she had to do now was jump from the back of one cow to the next until she reached the right one. She crouched down, and with a mighty push, she launched herself from the cow's back. Unfortunately for her, she came up roughly a foot short, smacking into next cow's side and then tumbling along the ground. All she had to show for her effort was a mouth full of dirt.

The desire to save her cake proved to be greater than common sense and she got up, running after the herd once more. Lyra didn't take her eyes off the cake until she heard a voice from behind her:

“What in the hay do you think you're doing?”

“Huh?” She looked back over her shoulder to see Rainbow Dash flying towards her, with Applejack behind her. Lyra shouted over the roar of their hooves, “They took my cake!” Lyra pointed it out.

“You're risking your life for a cake!?” shouted Rainbow Dash.

“That filly is nuttier than a squirrel's stash.”

“It's a present for Bon Bon. I just need to get closer.”

Dash sped up, flying just above Lyra's back. Soon, Lyra realized that her hooves weren't touching the ground anymore. “Eep!” She was pulled higher and soon found herself over top of the herd, getting ever closer to her prize. “Just a little closer.” She reached out with her magic. “Almost... almost... got it!” Lyra snagged the bow and lifted the box.

Dash veered to the right and put Lyra back down onto the ground, safely away from the stampede. “I gotta go help AJ so you'll have to walk back to town on your own.” Before Lyra could say anything back, Dash was gone.

She turned back to the box and sighed in relief. Good thing Pinkie tied that bow so well... Wait, did she know this was going to happen? It wouldn't be the craziest thing Pinkie had predicted. Nah, she would have warned me. At least, I think she would have.

As she went to grab the box again, a shadow appear over her. A rather large shadow that completely covered her and then some. Before she could turn around, she felt the thing's hot breath against her neck and back. Lyra didn't dare move, staring forward in rigid fear.

Please don't eat me, please don't eat me, please don't eat me, please don't eat me. A massive tongue, nearly as big as her, slide up the back of her mane. Oh Celestia, it's going to eat me! she thought with a whimper. “I swear, I don't actually taste like mint... unless you hate mint. Then I taste exactly like it. Actually, I'm so minty that everything you eat for the next week will taste like mint. So you don't really want to e-” a deep bark halted her attempts at not being the things meal. To her surprised, she saw a blue ball drop down in front of her, bouncing once and then coming to a rest on the ground. This was enough to break her out of her shock, and she spun around to see Cerberus towering over her. “Ce-Ce-Cerberus? But how? Why?”

“There you are!” The soft thump sounded as a pony landed nearby. Lyra spun once more to see Twilight, now in possession of the ball. “Sorry about that Lyra. I started talking to Rarity to warn her and he took off. I had asked Spike to keep an eye on Cerberus but nooo, something about how even he draws the line somewhere. Pfft.”

“But... why?” Sure, unusual things happened with surprising regularity in Ponyville, but still, Cerberus sightings were a rare event. “Why is Cerberus here again?”

“Hm? Oh, that. A spirit escaped from Tartarus and I've been using Cerberus to try and track it.” Holding the ball high into the air, Twilight started to lead Cerberus back to town, quickly shouting back, “Hey, if you see any ponies or animals acting weird, tell me right away! They're probably possessed.”

“...oh.” Her ear twitched as her brain tried to process what just happened. “Um, 'kay.”


It only took a few minutes to get back into town, but her legs weren't too happy with her. The run left them sore and left her short on breath for a short time. I'm out of shape... Maybe Bons and I should start exercising. The path back to her home took her through the town and she used it as an opportunity to rest. Finding an unused bench, she sat down and placed the cake next to her. From there, she watched as a few ponies and their pets ran around playing. I really hope Bons isn't too upset with me though with pretending not to remember what day it was. I should probably lay off the teasing for a bit after this. I'm sure she'll forgive me though, once she sees this. Lyra pat the cake box.

“Is that CARROT cake?” came a voice from her side.

Lyra quickly looked to the left, but only Angel Bunny sat there, staring at her. Lyra continued looking in all directions, but there were no others around. Her gaze settled back on Angel. “Um, yes?”

Suddenly his eyes turned red and a long tongue hung from his mouth. “Give me that cake!” he said, his voice grew deep and sinister.

Lyra did the only logical thing that came to her mind, she took the cake and ran for dear life. “What is wrong with this town today!” Though she didn't look back, she could feel demon Angel was right on her tail. He kept calling out to her in a language she didn’t recognize. Gotta lose him. Gotta lose him! In an effort to ditch him, she quickly jumped over a stall – a move that would have left her rather proud of herself under other circumstances – and then turned into an alley between between two houses, but that proved to be a horrible choice as it was a dead end. She spun around and there he is, standing at the entrance, staring at her menacingly.

“Give me the cake!” he screeched.

Just when she thought she was doomed, the ground shook.

“What the?” asked demon Angel. He turned to the side as Lyra watched his confidence become fear. The rabbit started to hop away, each one becoming shorter than the last before he was sucked up into the air.

Lyra, curious of what was happening, peeked out around the corner and saw demon Angel spinning around inside of a tornado with other bits of debris. Ponies ran for dear life, panicking and diving behind cover as it went down the street. From above, she heard two ponies talking; judging by the voices it was Rainbow Dash and Derpy.

“I left you in charge of the weather for ten freaking minutes. Ten. Minutes. How the hay did you do this?”

“I didn't. It was Scootaloo and her friends.”

“...ok, how did they do it?” This time she sounded less angry and genuinely curious.

“I don't know. I got here and they were high fiving in front of a giant fan and then they looked at their flanks.”

Free of the demon, Lyra decided to get while the getting was good. The events of this morning swirled inside her mind. Many dangers, from stampeding cows to demon rabbits, tried to stop her but failed. Feeling she was finally in the clear, she silently cursed herself as she plowed right into a pony, one much larger then herself.

"I'm sorry! I didn't-" She began to say, thoughts of a big angry stallion ready to start a fight were playing through her mind, till her brain registered who was before her. Oh my Celestia, it’s Luna.

"Tis no problem my little pony!" Princess Luna announced in her Canterlot voice, the force nearly blowing her back. "Tis much as our fault as it is thy own!" She then lifted her head in the direction of where the tornado had gone.


Lyra jumped back at the sudden use of Luna’s royal voice, sending the cake up into the air, and safely back down into her magical grip. Lyra froze there on the spot, remaining absolutely still for a moment. At this point, she expected a ravenous swarm of parasprites to swoop down or maybe Discord to come and take it, but nothing of the sort happened. “Huh.”

“Luna, you’re doing the thing again,” said Twilight as she rode by on Cerberus.

“My apologies, Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna as she flew after her.

She walked down the street until her front door was finally in sight. Lyra slowed her pace, taking notice of any and all movement around her, knowing full well that anything – literally anything – could happen to try to take her cake away again. “Whatwasthat?! Oh... just a leaf.” Then the leaf exploded. Which was followed by a few more as fireworks rained down onto the street from the sky.

A blue unicorn popped up from behind Lyra. “Trixie didn’t know their fuses were that short… um, Trixie means, they went off on their own. Yes.”

I’m getting to my door no matter what! Lyra closed her eyes, lowered her head, and charged through the explosions, not stopping until she reached the door. After a quickly checking her body for missing pieces, she realized something: the explosions stopped. In fact they stopped just as her valiant charge began.

“Trixie ran out.”

She sighed in relief , opened the door, and slammed it behind her. Her breathing heavy as the adrenaline continued to flow through her system, but slowly her body calmed as she was back safe and sound at home. “Bon Bon? You still here?” She found her sweet girlfriend in their living room, looking at some book on their couch. “There you are.”

“Hm? Hey sweetie.” Bon Bon looked up. “Oh, what's that?”

“Your present.” Lyra levitated it over to her. “Go ahead, open it.”

Bon Bon slid off the bow and opened it. “Aww, that's cute. Wait, this is a custom order, you would have had to order it in advance…” A small gasp escaped her mouth. “Lyra, you did remember.” She rushed over and hugged her.

“Like I would ever forget the day I met you. I love you, babe.” Their muzzles drew closer, till Lyra could feel Bon Bon's breath against her. She saw Bon Bon's lips pucker up for a kiss, and she used to this chance to quickly lick Bon Bon's nose.


Lyra just giggled at her reaction. Seeing how happy the gift made her girlfriend, she only had one thought about the craziness that surrounded this morning:

Totally worth it.

Author's Notes:

If you enjoyed it then please, leave a like and comment. Also, if there's a group you think this belongs in, please submit it. Thanks.

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