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The Luna Cypher

by iisaw

Chapter 4: 4 Celebrating a Job Half-Done

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Chapter Four
Celebrating a Job Half-Done

"Twilight? Are you in pain?" Luna looked down at me with concern. "You were moaning—"

"Nightmare," I gasped, gathering my wits and sitting up on the bed.

"Ah! Forgive me. I had not realized you had fallen asleep or I would have warded your dreams."

I shook my head. "No, I mean the Nightmare."

Luna stiffened. "What did she say? What did she do to you?"

Yeah. Well, I certainly wasn't going into details about that. "She... I think she was trying to tempt me, I guess. It wasn't a very long dream."

Luna's eyes narrowed and her nose wrinkled with the beginnings of a snarl. She took my head between her hooves and leaned close. "Twilight, you cannot trust anything she says! Whatever she promises, it is a lie. Anything she offers is but a trick to deceive you and further her own scheming."

"I... I know that." Luna was so close that I noticed her scent. It was identical to the Nightmare's. My heart began to race.

Luna sensed my distress, if not the reason for it, and pulled me into a hug. It might ordinarily have given me comfort. As it was, I clung to her with a desperate embrace that was half driven by panic.

"I will not let her harm thee," Luna said quietly. "I will guard thy dreams. I shall be there by thy side ever and anon to keep thee safe."

I pressed my muzzle against the base of her neck and drew in more of her exotic fragrance. I held the hug longer—much longer than was appropriate. I clung to her with a desperate need for—for what? What in Equestria was I doing?

I felt Luna briefly stiffen against me, but before I could release her and stammer out some confused apology, she tightened her own grip on me and lowered her head to touch the crest of my neck with her lips.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. She began gently, touching and pulling with her lips. I relaxed a bit and she began using her teeth on me. Touch, squeeze, and tug—ever so gently, she groomed me like a mother would a foal. I practically melted into her embrace. Her ethereal mane flowed across my face and streamed down, wrapping around my shoulder and side. Her magic joined her mouth on me, and I felt the smooth, loving pressure down my back and out along wings, setting everything to rights. Making everything all right.

The last thing I remember before slipping into a deep and peaceful slumber was stroking her side and murmuring something foolish into the hollow of her throat.

= = =

I awoke to a polite but firm rap on my cabin door.

"Your Highness?"

Luna was beside me on the bed, lifting her wing from my back. She stepped onto the deck and stood there, waiting for me to answer.

"Yes?" I called out as I scooted over and got to my hooves.

"The captain asked me to inform you that we are less than half an hour out from Ponyville. One of your royal guard has come aboard with messages."

"Thank you. Tell the captain I shall be out in a moment." I must have slept nearly twelve hours!

"Yes, Highness."

I turned to Luna. Her expression was indecipherable.

"I..." I cleared my throat and began again. "I suppose we should..."

She reached out with a wingtip and stroked my cheek. "You will do fine, Twilight. I will help you in any way I can. The confusion and disorder that comes with war is not confined to battle, but you will master it, I am certain."

I didn't understand. Was she talking about—was she giving me a way to save face? An excuse for my behavior? Oh stars and moon, it was a gentle, subtle way to put me in my place, wasn't it? I felt a flush of shame wash over me and I turned to the door.

"Yes, of course!" I said, with a little too much force. "I'll be fine." I opened the door to my cabin and walked out.

"I should return to Canterlot," Luna said hesitantly from behind me, "but I will rejoin you as soon as possible."

I nodded and kept walking. Luna was no longer behind me when I reached the bridge.

The messenger bowed as I approached, then pulled a scroll from his satchel and held it out to me. "There are others, but I believe you should read this one first, Your Highness."

I took it and broke the royal seal—and nearly wept with relief.

My Dearest Twilight,

Rainbow Dash is going to be fine.

I took a moment to get myself under control and read the rest of the letter.

She is already feeling well enough to complain about the food and the enforced inactivity. She and the rest of your ponies are receiving the best medical and magical care I can command, and most of them should be out of the hospital in a few days.

I am so sorry you had to face such a trial with only a few soldiers to aid you, and I will have words with Luna about suggesting such a reckless course of action.

I will ready forces to assist you in completing the task at hoof. A week should be sufficient time to prepare, and then we will put an end to this threat together.

Sincerely,

Celestia

I read it over again, just to make sure I wasn't mistaken. Celestia seemed to think that Luna had suggested the expedition. I had put together the troops based on the reports of the number and type of monsters and what I knew of their capabilities. I'd only asked Celestia for advice.

And she'd sent me Luna. Or—that's what Luna had told me, at any rate.

Standing there frowning wasn't going to get me any answers, so I mentally filed it under "What the Hay is Going on Here?" and read the rest of the messages.

One was a reply from the Canterlot Yards, confirming the shipment of the engine parts for Evenstar, one was a report from my senechal, and one exploded in my face.

Confetti, mini streamers, and glitter went everywhere.

YOU ARE INVITED!!!
The super-fun, "We Mashed the Monsters" party
will take place in the Grand Meadow
at Ponyville Castle
just as soon as you get your
royal rump down here!!!

No need for a signature on that one.

"Uh... Your Highness?" the helmspony said as he brushed confetti off of the compass housing. "There seems to be a disturbance at the castle."

We had swung around into the wind for our final approach and as we lined up with the castle, I could see what the helmspony was referring to. Not only were the fields surrounding its base filled with ponies, banners, bunting, pavilions, balloons, and flags, but the party had spilled over into the approaches and side streets of Ponyville proper. There even seemed to be a tuba and kazoo band set up on the Great Western Balcony.

Well, maybe a party was just what I needed to take my mind off of things. I turned to the captain. "Captain Zephyr, as soon as Evenstar is moored and secured, you may release your ponies to join in the celebration if they wish, or report back to Canterlot. I want to meet with you and the other captains tomorrow morn... no, tomorrow an hour after noon for an... uhmn... an after-action report, is that the correct term?"

"Yes, Highness." He nodded.

"Right. I imagine it will also be a good time to talk strategy for our next move. But until then, you and the rest of the crew are free to do whatever you wish." I walked to the starboard hatch and flipped the brass levers that unlocked and opened it. "You've certainly earned some time to relax," I said over my shoulder, just before I leaped into the sky.

= = =

"No, it's fine, Pinkie," I assured her, combing the last of the frosting out of my mane, "but next time you give somepony a twenty-one cupcake salute, maybe you shouldn't aim the pastry cannons directly at them."

"Sorry, Twilight!"

"Well, at least it was them Key Lime cupcakes!" Applejack chuckled. "She didn't waste any of the good apple ones."

"Hey! I like Key Lime." I said.

"And that's why I shot them at you!"

I had nothing to say to that, so I just smiled. Pinkie logic was comfort-nonsense, and being spattered with high-velocity baked goods was actually a return to normalcy for me.

Fluttershy was predictably absent from the wild festivities. She had remained in Canterlot with Rainbow Dash, but had sent a note with Rarity. Evidently, to keep Rainbow Dash from chewing through the hospital wall in an escape attempt, Fluttershy was by her bedside, reading the Daring Do novels to her. There were a few comments about how awfully Daring had treated those poor "kitty-cats" and asking why she didn't try talking with them first.

I had to tell the rest of the girls and Spike the story of the battle, of course. It wasn't too hard now that I knew that my wounded ponies were on the mend. I tried to keep it as non-gruesome as possible, but Pinkie and Applejack seemed to revel in the details, with Pinkie making monster-squashing noises for accompaniment. Even Rarity, though she made grimaces of disgust, hung on my every word. Spike kept saying things like "cool!" and "awesome!" but he didn't actually sound like he was enjoying the story all that much.

Rarity gave the wound on my shoulder an evaluating look. "I think the scar makes you look very dashing," she said. "Like some warrior princess out of an old legend!"

That gave me pause. I was kind of hoping my injury wouldn't leave a scar. And a warrior princess? That was the last flavor of royalty I wanted to be. I was the Princess of Friendship, not the Princess of Chopping Things Up With Swords. "I just did what I had to do. You girls, of all ponies, should understand that."

"Of course, darling! But that doesn't mean one can't look fabulous while doing it! Now, tell me, what did your armor look like? Did it have a crinere-aux-flambeaux?"

It turned out that Rarity had a freaky knowledge of fashions in armor through the ages. I didn't even know half the terms she was tossing around. Pinkie had some suggestions on how to incorporate pastry-based weaponry into an armored saddle, and even Applejack allowed as how a suit of barding would be a handy thing to have while making deliveries to some of her more isolated customers.

"Just a plain ol' one, ya understand," she clarified. "Nothin' fancy-schmancy."

"Just wait until you spend a day in a suit like that. You might change your mind." I told her. "My wings still ache just from carrying that stuff for a few hours!"

Applejack waved aside my objection to her plan. "Ah, nothin' like practice to toughen ya up! I might be a bit hoof-sore if I wore that suit while doin' chores for a week, but after that, I'd scarce notice it."

That was actually a very good point. If I was going back into battle a week or so from then, it would be wise to be better prepared. I made a mental note to retrieve the armor from Evenstar and keep to a training regimen every day until we set out for the desert again.

I mingled with the crowd, telling the story of the battle several more times and receiving congratulations I still felt I hadn't really earned. I think that Spike, my secretary Periwinkle, and others of my personal staff were running interference for me, because I never once got cornered by an official with "matters" to attend to. But, just as I was starting to feel a bit tired, Pinkie Pie appeared at my side and insisted that I had a "royal doodie" to perform. Hoping that her pronunciation was an error rather than an omen, I followed her toward the base of the castle.

What I found there was a royal box set up beneath the spread of glittering branches with a big sunshade and a huge pile of purple cushions. On the raised platform, two low tables flanked the seating area and were loaded with drinks and snacks.

"There you go, Twilight!" Pinkie said, pointing to the cushions. "It's your royal doodie to chillax and take a load off!"

Have I mentioned how much I love Pinkie Pie?

I settled in on the cushions and selected a cold mint tea and some cinnamon rolls. Several friends and acquaintances dropped by to chat in ones and twos. It was the perfect way to celebrate and relax at the same time. Pinkie Pie is a genius. A twisted genius, but still...

Spike played at being my attendant for a while until he got bored and went off to do more exciting things. But before he went, he rested his claw lightly on my cut shoulder and said the sweetest thing: "Rarity's right. It is cool... but don't get any more, okay?"

Later in the afternoon, a familiar blue face appeared out of the crowd. "Heya, Twilight!" Jigsaw called out to me.

"Jigsaw! I haven't seen you in ages! What are you doing in town?"

"I took the train down from Canterlot for the day. I wasn't going to miss your victory party!"

"Come on up, here! Hey, should I call you Doctor Jigsaw, now?"

She trotted up the steps, tossed me a sloppy little bow, and then settled down on the cushions next to me. "I only insist on the 'Doctor' from students, Princess Twi. By the way, the lot at Crinet College are getting pretty lazy. When are you going to drop by for another seminar? That should put some fire under their tails!"

"Oh, let's see..." I teleported a schedule book from my study and flipped through it, pretending to read the entries. "Save the world, save the world, open the Royal Garden Show, save the world... hmn... maybe sometime next spring?"

Jigsaw laughed at that, but then became more serious. "But you really did it again, didn't you? The same things we faced in the cave but more of them." She gave a quick shake of her neck, sending her short golden mane flouncing.

"It wasn't just me. I had a lot more help this time. Some very brave ponies got hurt defending Equestria from those things."

Jigsaw flicked a hoof in the direction of my scar. "Doesn't look like it was a stroll in the park for you, either."

So I told her about it.

"Wow. Not exactly what I'd call a grand adventure. More like an ordeal. Don't take this the wrong way, Twi, but I'm glad I wasn't there this time." She tapped a hoof thoughtfully on her chin for a moment before continuing. "But Sessi probably would have loved it. That mare is crazy!"

"How's she doing? Are you two still...?"

"Oh yeah! Both happy as a cockatrice in a rock garden. She's working for university security now. Lives for frat parties!"

"Uh... what?"

Jigsaw snickered. "Drunken hoofball players: She settles their hash in very short order! Never once has had to use her horn. Not that she wants to."

O—kay. "Well, it's nice that she enjoys her work."

"And the best part is that when she gets home after sorting out a half-dozen drunken louts, she's a wildmare! Really, Twi, she practically—"

"Got it, thank you! No need to go into details!"

"No?" Jigsaw sounded very disappointed. "But, attention to details is one of her specialties."

Yes, there I was, Monarch of All I Surveyed[1], being teased by a libidinous Archeology Professor. Celestia was right: The world is basically unfair.
----------
[1] I was facing the castle and couldn't see anything else at the moment.
----------

"So... how's the weather in Canterlot?"

Jigsaw laughed. "Still Princess Innocent, huh? Or maybe you've found somepony more your speed."

"I... what?"

"Oh, I just heard that maybe you had a special somepony of your own. And... maybe you aren't as straight as you led me to believe... you naughty girl!" She gently booped me on the nose.

"'Heard?' Heard from whom? What did they say?"

Jigsaw shrugged. "It was—" she swung a hoof out at the crowd filling the plaza. "—just some ponies. I didn't know them."

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath to calm myself. I seemed to be doing that distressingly often lately. "What did they say?"

"I didn't mean to upset you, Twilight. It's just some stupid gossip. If it's not true—"

"Please, Jigsaw, I'm not upset at you. Just tell me what you heard. Please."

"Uhmn... well, they just said that you and Princess Luna were sharing a bedroom on your blimp. Something about... uh... moaning noises coming from inside... like... uh... you know... you guys were up to stuff."

Stuff. Oh, bleeding Sun and Moon... stuff! I'd never be able to face Luna again. I don't know how I'd be able to face anypony again! I looked out over the huge crowd again and realized that with how fast rumors traveled....

"Gotta go, Jigsaw. See you later!"

She was still drawing in breath for a reply when I winked out.

= = =

I'd had to turn away several ponies who had knocked at my bedroom door, until I finally hung a sign on it:

The Princess is Indisposed

After that, I had been left alone with my thoughts. My recursive, painful thoughts. The last set had begun with me wondering if I could banish myself and was circling back to considering a permanent shapechange into a small woodland creature and moving in with Fluttershy, when the sun set with an unusual abruptness.

Moonrise was later than it should have been by almost a minute and it lifted into the sky with unusual haste. I watched it all in a sort of stunned immobility from my bedroom's balcony. I guessed that I wasn't the only upset princess in the realm that day. Had Luna and Celestia heard the rumors, too? I groaned and lay my forehead on the railing of the balcony.

"What does 'indisposed' mean?"

"Aaaahhhh!"

Pinkie Pie was dangling by her front hooves from the railing, a hundred yards above the ground. I lifted her up onto the balcony.

"Ooh! Sorry, Twilight! I didn't mean to scare you, but your door was locked and there was this sign on it that I didn't understand, so I thought I'd ask you about it and maybe see why you left the party, which is still going pretty good and... Oh, hey! There's going to be a lantern parade after dinner with these ponies who do fire twirling and it's going to be super—"

"Pinkie! What are you doing?"

"Well... like I said, your door was locked and there was this sign on it..."

I put a hoof over her mouth and began a rebuke, but she pulled my hoof down and said, softly, "And I saw you up here, and you looked kinda sad. You shouldn't be sad, Twilight."

I tried to say something but my throat tightened up. Pinkie took my hooves in hers and waited patiently for me to compose myself. "Pinkie... there's a rumor going around. About Luna and me." I had to pause again. "It's embarrassing and—"

"Wait a minute," Pinkie Pie said, with a puzzled frown. "You're embarrassed because ponies know you and Luna were being snuggle-bunnies?"

So she'd heard it. Of course Pinkie Pie had heard it. "It's not true, Pinkie! Ponies have the wrong idea about the whole thing. She was just massaging my wings! That's why I was... moaning... oh Sun and Moon!" I hid my face in my hooves.

"Huh?" Pinkie cocked her head to one side. "So... you don't like Luna?"

"What? No! I mean, yes I like her. She's been wonderful to me and I admire her more that I can say." I got up and began pacing back and forth. "I've gotten to know her very well recently, and she's smarter and funnier than almost anypony gives her credit for. She knows so much about what it means to be a princess, and that means I can talk with her about things that nopony else understands. I'm happy that we've become close friends."

"So you're sweet on Princess Luna! What's wrong with that?"

"Huh? No... Pinkie, haven't you been listening?"

"Yep! She's smart and funny and wonderful and understanding. Sounds perfect to me!"

I groaned. "I like her a lot, but not that way! I'm not gay; I'm attracted to stallions!"

Pinkie Pie gave me a brilliant smile and asked, "Why?"

I swear, holding a conversation with that mare is like trying to gallop while somepony throws logs under your hooves. "Why what? Why am I attracted to stallions?"

She nodded eagerly. "Is it that they're big and strong, like Luna? Is it that they're forceful and commanding, like Luna? Or is it that they've got really big wings that look like they'd be so much fun to snuggle under, like... oh, I dunno... Luna, maybe?"

I opened my mouth, fumbling for an answer while dancing over the metaphorical forest that Pinkie had slung under my mental hooves.

"Or is it because they've got..." Pinkie Pie made an incredibly rude gesture with her foreleg. "Because if it's just that, there're some toys—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pinkie, please!" I held up both forehooves in front of my face to try and stop the assault of images she was putting into my head. "I'm not—"

Pinkie put her hooves over mine and pulled them down. She frowned at me, reached out and tapped my forehead with a hooftip. "Twilight Sparkle, you've got two separate little boxes up there labeled 'gay' and 'not gay' and that's just dumb."

I had no idea what to say to that, so I sidestepped the issue. "Look, it doesn't matter if I'm gay or not gay or somewhere in between! It's Luna that I'm thinking about. She's the Immortal Goddess of the Flipping Moon, and she's not interested in me. She's going to be horribly embarrassed by this nonsense—"

"Wow! You can read her mind?" Pinkie gasped. "That's so great! That means you'll never misunderstand her, or have to talk to her about how she feels about anything, or—"

I sighed.[2]
----------
[2] We've been friends long enough that I'm sure she understood it to mean that I took her point, that I really didn't want to discuss it any more, and that sarcasm was something I did way better.
----------

Pinkie's smile fell. "I just wanted to help." She lowered her head and scuffed at the floor with a hoof. "Luna's been coming to see you almost every week for a long time now, or you've been going up to Canterlot for visits. You always seemed so happy about it that I thought... But she really told you she wasn't interested? That's too bad."

"Yes, she..." I paused. "Well, no she didn't exactly say that, but it was perfectly clear."

"Oh, she wrote you a note?"

"No! She... She said I was... confused, I guess."

"Huh. I think she was right about that!" Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs and put her hooves on her hips. "You need to talk to her Twilight! A comedy of errors isn't funny when it makes ponies sad!"

"But—"

"Comedy," Pinkie said, drawing an outline in the air that was roughly pumpkin shaped. "Expert," she finished, tapping her own chest firmly.

Hard to argue with that. "Okay, okay. You're right, Pinkie. I will talk to her about it, but—"

"Would now be a good time?" Luna asked from behind me.

"Aaaahhhh!"

= = =

=

Author's Notes:

Thanks to my editors, AcademicPony, MacIsBest859, Gogito, and statoose! Feedback is almost as useful when it tells you you've done something right as when it says, "Delete that whole second part; it stinks." Almost.

Next Chapter: 5 Divine Intervention Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 60 Minutes
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