The next few hours passed quickly, with very few details sticking in my memory for very long. Nobody hauled me off to Heidi or Stern, so either nobody told them that I tried to shoot Brimstone or they wanted to get a few good hours of work out of me before they returned the favor. Whatever the case, there was nothing I could do about that now, and the clinic was filled with very real injured griffons that I needed to help.

In truth, there weren't very many wounded. Most that had gotten in the crosshairs of the Steel Rangers or sights of Brimstone were dead. Dead like Liese.

I blinked and dragged myself back to the present. The griffon stretched out on the operating table under me had a cauterized hole burnt through his chest, from one side straight through to the other. He'd been lucky enough to be shot by a magical laser from a Steel Ranger instead of meeting the hooves of Brimstone. I'd be digging ribs out of his lungs if he wasn't dead outright. Liese was probably dead before she knew what hit her.

I blinked and dragged myself back to the present again.

Treating this wasn't simple, but I at least knew what had to be done. He'd been lucky enough that the beam hadn't hit his aorta or his spine, since I had to trim the seared flesh away before applying restoration potion to regenerate the tissues. He'd have bled to death for sure if his aorta had been hit, since even cauterizing that wouldn't make much difference. Focus. I had to focus. My claw was shaking so much I was afraid to even bring the scalpel down. I stepped back and double checked that he was hooked up to a potion IV. It would be a terrible irony if he bled to death because I started cutting without even thinking to do that.

The process took ages. I must have dropped the scalpel five times before I was finished, but somehow, eventually, I got it done. He'd need some time on the potion drip to really get back to his old self, so I pushed his bed out of the way and got ready for whatever the next case would turn out to be.

Yvonne looked up from the griffon she was working on. She hadn't said anything up to that point, but she watched me for an uncomfortably long time as I stood there, wondering what the hell I was supposed to be doing. I knew there were two others waiting for treatment, but my claws felt so heavy I couldn't make them move.

“Kaz? You still with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Kaz, if you can't… if you need to go, do it. I'll be fine. Everyone will be fine.”

“I'm fine,” I lied as I finally managed to pull my claw off of the ground to go retrieve the next wounded.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Amy on the next bed, resting on her side and taking slow breaths. How could I have forgotten her?!

Whoever placed her there had straightened her broken leg out, but had clearly not set the bones or done anything more yet. I wasn't sure that could even be done. At the very least, it looked like the painkillers I'd given her before were still working, since she didn't seem to be in much distress. That was a good sign that she didn't have more serious internal injuries either. The first small miracle of the day.

She was already somewhat out of it, but I put her under as soon as I could and set to work on her claw and leg. By some other small miracle, none of her talons had been amputated and I merely had the task of stitching the mangled mess back together in some fashion that would give her a semblance of normal range of motion. I probably spent twenty minutes just trying to piece together what I was going to do. The blast had torn her claw apart such that the digits were separated down to her wrist, and half of the bones were broken, but the worst part was the severed ligaments and tendons. Restoration potion would regrow them, but I had to be extraordinarily careful about how I held the pieces together, or they'd restitch improperly and she might be unable to flex that talon.

All in all, I spent four hours on her claw alone. Halfway through, Yvonne told me that she'd patched up everyone else and that she was going to go assist the army with their casualties. I knew, deep down, that under the circumstances I should have amputated her claw and called it the best that could be done. There were more wounded that needed attention, and even after the painstaking process of dabbing drops of potion on severed bits of ligament and occasionally cutting them free to try again, there was a very real chance that Amy would never fully regain the use of her claw.

But even so, it was all I could do. It was all I could focus on, for some reason. Was it because I didn't really know any of the others who were hurt? Maybe. Did that make me a bad doctor? Yeah. But it really didn't matter. Even the thought of walking out of the operating room before I'd triple checked her made me so anxious I worried I'd pass out, so there was nothing else I could do.

The feeling persisted even after I finished.

I must have sat next to her bed, staring at the vitals playing across the cracked terminal screen next to me for twenty more minutes. Even with the restoration potion, her claw and leg were covered in scars that she'd carry for the rest of her life. An inferior formulation maybe. Or maybe it was a consequence of the new mass production processes Red Eye had instated to ensure that we had enough supply to meet demand. She'd carry those scars for the rest of her life, and may never regain the use of her leg and claw. But… I'd tried. I did the best I could. Maybe I wasn't too late for her.

The question of whether she'd be discharged crossed my mind as I watched the heart rate and breathing indicators update on the screen. All within normal thresholds. Maybe she could request a discharge, but a case could easily be made that she was still able bodied. As if she'd ever consider leaving Talon Company anyway after being literally born into it.

Especially now that her life had gotten more exciting. She got to go up against Brimstone Blitz, and lived. A little snort tried to exit my beak, but I was too tired to let it.

My claws suddenly felt very clammy and my chest felt tight. I… needed to go… somewhere. Else. Somewhere else. Maybe I'd find Zella and she'd tell me where Yvonne and Adelaide went. I needed to find something else to busy myself with. I didn't want to have time to think.

Zella wasn't far, and I found her in the reception area at her terminal. She jumped with a little start and cleared her throat. “Oh, Dr. Longtalons. Is everything all right?”

I cast a glance through the foggy glass doorway and saw that it was pitch black outside. Maybe I'd been operating on Amy for longer than I realized, but at least it wasn't morning yet. “I don't know,” I answered honestly. “Where are the army casualties being treated?”

“Hearts and Hooves General Hospital,” she said with a little concerned look. “But, uh, actually, are you done with surgery?”

“I think so.” I sensed bad news coming. Good news was a myth.

That little concerned look was still there. “Okay, well, Egon was here maybe an hour ago and he said that Lieutenant Blackfeathers wants to speak with you as soon as you're able.”

Oh, look. Bad news. I guess someone did tell her I tried to shoot Brimstone. Fuck. No, actually, this was fine. I was all but out of shits to give. The few shits I had left would have fit in a thimble. Probably the kind with little holes in it that let the shits seep out over time.

“Doctor?”

I flexed my claws to make sure I was still awake and not dreaming. “Yeah. Okay. Fine. It's fine.” I started toward the door and threw my weight into it.

It didn't matter how much she chewed me out at this point, or whatever she did. I wasn't sorry.

I don't remember seeing or speaking to Egon on my way back to Heidi's office. Given the ungodly hour of the night, he'd probably wandered back off to his cot, and I was frankly surprised that Heidi hadn't done the same. It wasn't like timelines mattered much at this point, since Brimstone was back and safely tucked back in his prison cell. The Steel Rangers had to be long gone by now. All of Talon Company had been tended to. I couldn't wait to find out what was so important that she had stayed up this late just to talk to me about.

There was no aromatic fragrance hanging in the air this time as I worked my way into the back of the former train station, with only the faint light from her office spilling into the hallway. There was, however, an audible shuffling of papers as I knocked.

“Come in.”

“You wanted to see me, lieutenant?” I stepped inside but didn't sit until she pointed at the seat across from her.

Heidi rubbed her weary eyes and wrapped her claw around her beak. She didn't say anything for a long time, and just held that position with her eyes closed. Despite my fears that she'd fallen asleep, she eventually drew a deep breath and said, “Yes, private, I did.” She looked up and blinked a few times. “But first, what is the status of Private Silverwing? And the others?”

“Stable, for now. I'll have to make a full evaluation… soon, but everyone who survived is still alive.” I sighed. “Amy may be crippled. I did the best I could, but until I do the evaluation I won't know for sure.”

Heidi moved her claw to pinch the tip of her beak and whispered, “Just what we needed.” She grabbed a pen and jotted something down. “Keep me informed.”

I waited for her to say something else, but she just blankly looked at the page on her desk. Her claw wavered over a blank spot as she fought back a yawn. I knew the feeling. Being awake so long that your brain started entering a sort of hibernation mode. Your eyes would be open. You knew you were looking at things and hearing them, but none of it made much sense.

Finally, she gave up and set the pen down on the page. “There are several other reasons I wanted to speak with you private. First, I should mention that I heard third hand that a griffon matching your description attempted to execute Brimstone Blitz as he was being brought back into the city. Gray plumage. Dark coat. Using a pistol.”

The righteous indignation I built up on the way over here wasn't standing up well to me actually sitting across from Heidi and weathering her gaze of profound disapproval. I wasn't asked a question, and didn't think up anything fast to respond with anyway, so I let the silence hang.

“Private, do you remember the forty lashes you were given?”

The grogginess clouding the edges of my vision evaporated as adrenaline started circulating in my system. “...no?” Oh, wait. Wait. Shit. Shit. I was supposed to be given forty lashes after I got out of the crater, but that never happened. Was she seriously about to give them to me now?

Heidi evidently saw the surprised recollection on my face and nodded. “I want you to understand, private, that if Master Red Eye or Captain Stern found out about that and decided to press the issue, you could be sentenced to much worse.”

She took up the pen in her claw and scratched something out on the page she'd been trying to analyze since I got there. “But, under the circumstances I'm willing to look past this. For several reasons. In the future, I would suggest exercising more restraint, even if, as I said, under the circumstances I understand that was difficult.”

After blowing out an exhausted breath, she said, “I'm not dissatisfied with your performance today. Everything that happened was a cascade of mistakes, starting from the very top with whoever authorized a stable reclamation with Brimstone Blitz in the team. I have no doubt that was Protege himself, so I know he won't be punished for this, but you and Private Silverwing immediately responded to the Steel Ranger attack as well as pursued Brimstone during his escape attempt. I couldn't have asked for more, and as much as I hate that there were deaths involved I know you are not the damned pony princesses that can blow a kiss and make everything all right again.”

My whole body suddenly felt very heavy and I feared I'd fall out of the chair. “...oh. Uh… sorry, ma'am.”

She blew out another huff. “Forget it. I am entirely too tired to go off in that direction. Now that we have that out of the way, I really wanted to call you here to offer my condolences for what happened. I saw that your sister was among those killed in action last night.”

The heaviness bearing down on me was replaced by a cold, empty feeling. I'd been very distracted with my work at the clinic, and it had managed to briefly slip my mind.

“That's right, ma'am. By Brimstone.”

Heidi blew out yet another breath. “As I heard. I'm sorry, private. She didn't serve under me, but I saw in her records that she served in Talon Company for nine years and participated in Brimstone's initial capture. She'll be sorely missed.”

Somehow, this wasn't making me feel any better. “Thanks...”

She nodded once and said, “The second matter is that we'll be holding a funeral service for those killed in...” She looked over at an antique mechanical clock hanging on the wall and let out a weary sigh. “Two and a half hours. Attendance is optional, though I expect you'll want to attend. Due to the compressed time schedule, the funeral will be held inside of the incinerator.”

Just enough time to get into deep sleep so I'd feel even worse. Beautiful. “Yes, ma'am.”

She held up a claw and extended three talons. “And that leads into the third and final reason I wanted to speak with you. I've already informed your sergeant to pass this along to the others, and I'm sure this will be no surprise given recent events, but I regret to inform you that your squad's leave period has been suspended. We were already critically understaffed due to the last incident involving Brimstone, and after this Lieutenant Ironclaws decided that we can't afford to risk spreading ourselves even more thin. All leave has been suspended until she says otherwise. The best I could do was to declare your squad off duty for the next three days. You are not permitted to leave the city and will be subject to reactivation for any reason, at any time. Is that understood?”

There it was. Damn. It. Like she said, I should have expected that after even more people had been killed or put out of commission, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. Dammit. But, like always, I didn't have the power to disagree, so I was just going to have to accept that for the next few days I might be able to get a little more sleep. Maybe. If something else didn't explode randomly and get us all called up.

I did my best to contain a groan and replied, “I understand.”

Heidi wrote something else down in my personnel file and waved her claw for me to leave. “Good. Try to get some rest, and I'll see you again shortly.”

I muttered an affirmation and climbed out of the chair. The heaviness from before abated enough to let me keep my footing, but a thought struck me on the way to the door. I paused and looked back to ask, “Lieutenant, what's going to happen to Brimstone?”

She met my gaze and said in a tired, matter-of-fact tone, “He'll be sentenced to fight in the Pit again, where he'll no doubt win. I've already spoken and offered to personally execute him, but I know my request will fall on deaf ears. A miscarriage of justice, but it's out of my claws.”

I sighed. “I understand.” All there was to do at that point was to haul my exhausted and worthless butt back outside, where I slumped down onto the splintering wooden planks of the porch of the former train station. There was so much to think about, but I was in no shape to think about any of it.

All I could keep returning to was the thought that Liese was dead.

She was really dead.

The world started to fade to black and I caught myself just before I let my eyes close entirely. This wasn't the place to fall asleep.

With a heavy sigh, I forced myself back to my feet and started a slow march around to the incinerator. I'd get there long before it was time for the funeral, but maybe I could walk around once I got there to keep myself awake.

I don't know why I thought it would be possible for me to stay awake at the incinerator.

All I remembered was wandering up to the side entrance of the grimy old power plant and wondering how long I had before the service started, before jolting awake when an unfamiliar griffon gave me a few not so gentle nudges.

Through the haze of an acrid smelling fog bank that had rolled in at some point during my unintended nap, I saw a small procession of griffons I barely recognized carrying stretchers toward the entrance, followed by the thoroughly exhausted Heidi, Egon, Gunther and… I almost had to do a double take when I saw First Lieutenant Freija Ironclaws following right behind them. She was solid gray just like Liese and for a moment I thought…

I swallowed the thought and waited for them to pass so I could get in line behind the other rank and file troops who, again, I only recognized in passing. Nobody else from my squad was present, nor did I see Yvonne or Adelaide. I guess none of them had any relatives who were killed in the events from the previous day. Or maybe they were still helping the army medics.

We all assembled in a different room than where Ida was put to rest. This one was almost cavernous, consisting of what I guessed was once two separate rooms that had the dividing wall removed after it rusted through so badly there was little choice. Massive pipes ran across the ceiling and beneath the metal mesh platform we stood on, which twisted around and descended into a pit ahead of us that I guessed used to be a boiler for the power plant. Heavy but dry heat washed over us from its direction, and a dull cherry red glow was just visible through the heat shimmer rising from the pit.

The funeral ceremony itself was familiar. Each lieutenant took turns calling out the names of the dead that served under them. Heidi only called out a single name. Private Lucius Greenfeathers. I recognized the name but didn't know him at all, nor did I recall seeing him at the massacre at the stable, but she confirmed a moment later that he'd been killed engaging the Steel Rangers.

Freija's list was equally short, with a single name that never registered itself to memory, but Gunther's was much worse. In the end he named another six killed in action, and the tension in my throat tightened with each until he finally named Liese last.

My eyes settled on the stretcher I assumed was hers, at the far right of the procession. She was covered and sanitized now, but the last image I saw of her flashed by into the forefront of my mind. For an instant, her splintered ribs and face frozen in pain were seared into my vision. My claws balled up, and I wasn't sure I was breathing anymore.

Clangs of metal were followed by soft thumps as each stretcher was turned up, and its passenger dumped into the smoldering pit below. I released the breath I was holding.

Freija took over at this point, holding a set of rolled up papers over the pit.

“In all our contracts, there are three clauses for ending service in Talon Company. Serving your tour, dismissal by the captain, or losing your life in its service. By giving their lives, our brothers and sisters in arms have fulfilled their contracts and are now absolved of all duties.” She released the sealed rolls, which tumbled in the rising heat before landing with a faint hiss.

She said a few things more, but I didn't really register what. When it was all said and done and everyone began to disperse, I lingered. Something kept nagging at the back of my mind as I wandered over to the railing. I grasped the rusted metal rail and peered over the edge, but the details below were too indistinct to make out any of the bodies.

A sharp pain ran through my claw and I released the railing to find rust ground into the scales where I'd clenched so hard. I blew out another breath and slumped to the ground with my back to the furnace.

This felt very familiar. Just like with Ida. Everyone else left me to grieve alone.

The only problem was… I wasn't. Not like with Ida. I remembered crying my eyes out like a little griffawn that pulled a pinfeather for her, but now… nothing. I wasn't even related to Ida, but here, I couldn't even shed a tear for my dead sister.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Maybe it was because I was so tired. Maybe it was because Ida's death had been my fault. Maybe it was because Liese and I…

I wiped my face with my claw, remembering only afterward that it was covered in rust, and blew out yet another breath. “Sorry, Liese. I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what to say. You used to always do the talking, and now that you can't I guess I just can't fill the gap.

“I… I hope you know I did try to save you. I did. I really did. It was just too late when I got there. Listen, I remember what you did for me at the crater. You took a big risk to save me after I screwed up so bad, and-and I wish I could have repaid the favor.”

I let a silence fall, as if I expected an answer. All I got in response was a slight shift in the air currents that briefly drew the stifling heat of the incinerator away from my back.

Eventually, my beak went on autopilot and I muttered, “You know… you know, I still wonder sometimes why you took that risk for me. You'd have gotten in pretty deep trouble if someone caught you. I was supposed to die there, you know? I mean, if the positions were swapped and I could have helped you, I would have. But, bloodfeathers, this sounds terrible, but you didn't really gain anything from helping me.

“Looking back on it now, maybe I was wrong. I used to think you only cared about yourself. Anything you did was to benefit you. Like-like even when you were standing up for me, I always thought you did it just to save face and look like you were in charge. But not that time.”

I brushed a claw along my chest to remove a fleck of burnt paper that had settled there, only to leave a rusty smear in its place. It didn't really matter.

“So… I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Just… well, if you see papa or ma, I guess they can tell you how they feel. I'll just say thanks for saving my sorry hide when you didn't have to. And… I'm sorry I couldn't help you the one time you needed it. I hope you'll forgive me.”

My claw bunched into a fist and I pressed it against the floor. “But there's one thing I-”

I stopped myself. I wanted to demand an explanation on why killing Brimstone meant so damn much to her that she got herself killed, but I let it go. It didn't matter now. Even if she could answer, this wasn't the time.

The silence returned, punctuated only by the occasional crackle or pop from the incinerator behind me. I wondered for a moment if the bars I was leaning against would give away and send me to the depths with them, but cursed as I was, fate was never so punctual when I wanted it to be.

I pulled myself to my feet and raked my talons along the metal grating. What was I even doing? I didn't want to die. I was upset. I'd just seen a lot of people die, including my sister. I was upset, but it wasn't like Ida.

Which is why I wasn't crying.

What kind of brother was I?

Before I let the whole mess wash over me again, I plodded off. I needed to get back to the clinic and check up on Amy, and then decide what I was going to do with my free time. It wasn't like I'd really be able to relax, but-

“Oh! Uh, sorry,” I muttered as I blundered into a dark blue griffoness in the hallway.

She retreated a step and fixed me with her green eyes. She looked familiar, but so did half of the Talons in the city. After a little wave of her claw she said, “It's fine. I was- Hey, you're Doctor Longtalons, right?”

“That's right.” I let out a weary sigh. “I was just on my way to the clinic if you needed me to look at something.”

“No, no. I was just…” She sat, crossed her arms and rapped her talons rhythmically. “I knew your sister. I was in her squad.” She tapped her chest. “Frida. Frida Farflight.”

That's where I'd seen her! Last night, she was with the others. She was the one with the radio. I never saw her body.

“You must have really cared a lot about your sister.”

After I just mumbled all of that about how I wasn't sure either of us really cared about each other?

Frida extended a single talon to point past me. “You don't have to say it. You didn't see anyone else giving a eulogy in there, did you?”

Not that I really gave anyone else much of a chance since I was hogging the room, but she was just headed that way, so... “Wasn't that what you were planning to do? And, wait, you were listening in?”

Frida grimaced and scratched her cheek. “I was on the way and I heard you, so I stopped to give you a chance to finish. And don't take this the wrong way or anything, and I was going to say something for her and everyone else, but that was the nicest thing I've ever heard anyone say about Liese.”

Prancing pony princesses on parade. I hated to hear what people must have been saying behind her back. Maybe I wasn't such a bad brother after all.

“Yeah. Liese was a good soldier, and I'll miss her.” She sighed. “Miss all of them. Don't know what's going to happen to me now. But I'm just glad someone said something for her is all. You did a better job than I could have.”

That was something, I guess. I gave a little nod and prepared to step around her. I was too tired to really get into this conversation, but something caught the back of my mind. “What actually happened? Back with Brimstone and the grenade, I mean.”

Frida grimaced again. “Uh, sorry about leaving you. I thought everyone else was dead...”

“So, that is what happened? Liese, you, the other two at the train station. You assumed we were dead and gave chase before he escaped?”

“Huh? Oh, I don't know either, sorry.” She rapped her talons again. “They were all gone already when I came to. I saw that sarge was dead. And Alfred. I thought you were too. Everybody else was gone, so I took off before they got too far ahead to find. I was too late though and never figured out which way they went. I only found out later when someone radioed about finding you at the station.”

I hung my head. “Oh.” So much for learning Liese's last words. “Right. Well. I should probably get going. Give you a chance to say whatever you want. Everyone but Liese still needs something.”

“Yeah.” Frida got up. “Yeah, but, hey, one last thing: if I had to guess, Liese thought you were dead too. She hated Brimstone more than any of the rest of us, and when she saw what happened to you, well, I'm sure she couldn't stop herself then. The pony she hated that much killing her brother? Who wouldn't chase him to the ends of Equestria to get revenge?”

It was an angle I hadn't considered. I wasn't sure if it made me feel better or worse, whether she let her hatred get her killed or if she rushed to her death to avenge me. I didn't really want to dwell on it.

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe so.” I stepped aside so she could walk past. “At least she's at peace now.”

Frida lowered her head as she passed me on the way to the incinerator. “Yeah. They all are now.”

I tried to bury it all in the back of my mind as I returned to the comparatively cool and clear air outside. There was nothing I could do now anyway. Nothing but mope, and I knew Liese wouldn't be moping over me.

Or maybe she would. I didn't even know anymore.

I was so sleepy by the time I got to the clinic that I was frankly astonished that I even managed to find my way back. The only reason I made it was because I walked. I didn't fly while that sleepy anymore. Not even if I was unarmed. It was too easy to go on autopilot while flying and who knew where you'd end up or in what shape.

As before, Zella was the only one staffing the clinic, and after taking a moment to confirm nothing had exploded or caught fire during my absence, I slipped into the back to check up on all of the wounded. Each turned out to be as stable as before, but my claws started to feel heavy again as I moved on to the two I treated.

The one with the laser burns was making a recovery, which I was expecting and relieved to see.

Amy though, would be the real test. I lingered outside of her door for a while before working up the nerve to see if she was awake yet. Even if she was, was this the right time to try to evaluate her condition? Heidi would want to hear as soon as possible, but surely it could wait until the next day.

Of course, I wasn't going to be satisfied until I knew something, so I cracked the door and peeked inside.

Amy rested motionless on her bed, save for the occasional rise of her chest as she took a shallow breath. Still sleeping, probably, but that would at least give me a chance to check on her vitals and make sure her IV wasn't running down too fast.

I made it about two steps inside before I heard her mutter, “Kaz?” She shifted a little to get a better look and cringed as she accidentally flexed her elbow.

“Whoa, whoa, hold still,” I directed as I skipped over. “How do you feel?”

"Everything hurts like h-hell."

"Let me give you another shot of painkillers." As I went to find an injector of Med-X I asked the question I expected she couldn't yet answer. "Can you feel all of your talons? Do you know if you can move them?"

If looks could kill, she'd have vaporized me with magical plasma bolts from her bloodshot eyes. "What part of hurts like hell aren't you hearing?"

To be fair, she could be paralyzed in one or two and the rest could still hurt, but I didn't press it. "Sorry, I just wasn't-I don't want to scare you, but I don't know how well you're going to recover use of your leg."

"What happened? I don't remember anything."

I wasn't sure how far to go back, so I recapped everything from rushing out to help at the stable up through the grenade. I wasn't sure who finally explained to me that one of the ponies must have used a spell on the grenade to make us all want to jump on it, but I told her that too. When she demanded to know what happened to Brimstone, I told her that he'd been recaptured and taken back to the mall.

Amy didn't say anything for a long time. She just stared at her bandaged leg, occasionally grunting as a muscle twitched involuntarily.

"I remember now. Parts of it." She locked eyes with me. "Are we alone?"

Nothing good ever followed a question like that. "There are a few other patients. Some are awake. Zella is around somewhere."

She took a deep breath and fell silent for a while longer. "Then we can talk later. When do I return to duty?"

"In three days, if you're able by then." When she gave me a weird look, I explained that Heidi had reworked our leave to be as charitable as she could manage. Or as charitable as she was willing to, anyway. “It sucks that you're wasting recovery time while we're off, but there's nothing we can do about it.”

Her tail swished and thumped against the mattress. “No. No, I suppose there isn't.” She tried to flex her talons and grimaced. “What's next then?”

“You need to rest, first,” I told her before administering the shot of painkillers. “I'll come back tomorrow and check up on you. If you're up to it I can try evaluating your injury. We'll have to go from there. The potion drip should at least heal any other bruising or soreness from the grenade blast by then.”

She blinked blearily and nodded. “All right.”

I understood the feeling and desperately wanted to get some sleep myself. After giving her one last check over, I slipped out of the room to give her a chance to rest, and to find somewhere to get some myself.

I never made it back to the barracks.

For one thing, you had to fly to get in if you wanted to be sure you wouldn't step in the minefield, and as I said I didn't fly while this sleepy anymore. I was also just entirely too tired to walk all the way back to the train yard when there were open beds there in the clinic, so after a few moments of contemplation I just collapsed on the nearest empty mattress.

When I came to, I registered the faint sunlight filtering through the ever present cloud cover outside and dragged my exhausted and worthless hide off of the bed. While this was a rare opportunity to sleep as long as I wanted from an administrative point of view, from a practical point of view I did need to check up on my patients again.

Everyone was still making recoveries as hoped, but I saved Amy for last since I expected to take a while checking her.

She was already awake when I found her, but she didn't look happy about it. She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, holding her injured leg up and rubbing the back of her claw. From the looks of things, she hadn't gotten much sleep.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, more out of reflex than actually expecting a nuanced answer.

Amy grunted and cut her eyes at me, but didn't say anything.

"Dumb question, I know." I stepped over to get a better look, and had to coax her to let me examine it. Somehow, it was worse than I remembered, with dozens of scales and scutes damaged or missing and scabbed over cuts and abrasions in their place. She was clearly trying not to move more than she had to, but every little involuntary twitch rippled along the limb.

"Before you ask, no, I can't walk on it."

"I'm not surprised," I said. I was disappointed and worried though, since I'd hoped the potion would have healed the wounds enough that it wouldn't have been a problem. Maybe there was residual inflammation or irritation from stretching all of the connective tissue. I located some anti inflammatory pills for her and some paper to start my report on her condition, which was not getting off to a good start.

Amy took the medicine and did her best to follow my directions so I could at least get some evaluation of her condition to provide to the lieutenant. The results were pretty grim. Like she said, she could barely put any weight on it, and even rotating her elbow through the full range of motion was clearly painful. Despite my hopes, she wasn't able to close her claw around a narrow rod I found, which she claimed wasn't just from pain so much as she just couldn't. Odds were good she couldn't grip her rifle either.

Shit. So much for all my work stitching it back together. I briefly considered if I could do additional surgery to try to correct the problem, but if that much time wasn't enough, I wasn't sure any amount would be.

She dropped the rod and rubbed at her wrist, groaning lightly under her breath. “I don't guess Master Red Eye volunteered to have his personal surgeon replace my claw like he did for the sergeant.”

“Not that I heard,” I said as I wrote down the rest of my report. I glanced up and grunted. “I guess we're not important enough for something like that.”

Amy stopped massaging her claw and looked aside. “Yeah. I guess not.” She held the pose for a while, jaw tense as she searched for something else to say. She did say something last night about talking later, but the level of privacy here had not really increased since then.

She took the rod in her bad claw again, and again failed to close her talons around it. After giving up, she asked, “What are the odds I'm going to be discharged?”

...not the question I expected, and I hadn't even considered that she'd ask it. “Uh… I… don't know. It's probably a little premature to assume that's going to be necessary. I'm pretty sure I can convince the lieutenant to keep you on active duty.” Besides, had she seen Sam? He was so banged up he was as stiff as a tree, but he hadn't been discharged.

Amy nodded once and grunted again, but didn't say anything more.

...wait. Was I reading this right? Was this what she wanted to talk about?

“Did you want to be discharged?”

She didn't say anything.

Bleeding pinfeathers from Hell. I'd been rattled by the last few days too, but Amy of all people wanting to get out of Talon Company? I'd never even dreamed of it. She'd been born into it. This was all she knew. And it sure wasn't boring right now!

She glanced back toward the door. “Who else is here in the clinic?”

“A few other patients, probably one of the other doctors, but that's it. Why?”

She rubbed her wrist more, jaw tensing again. “I don't care who hears. Doesn't matter now. But, yeah, I've been seriously wondering if I want a discharge. After yesterday? I'd take my chances.”

I had to set my notepad down at the risk of dropping it outright. “A brush with death is a hard thing to shake, I know.”

“It's not even that,” she spat, fixing me with her red eyes for a moment. “I'm talking about Captain Stern.”

The scars on her beak suddenly seemed a dozen times worse. I'd forgotten completely about the episode outside the stable, and having the most senior officer in the company yell at you was not fun. Been there, tried it, wouldn't recommend it. Especially for someone who put duty to the company in such high regard. At one point, at least…

Amy's scowl relaxed a little. “That could have been me, you know? Or Valerie, or-or you.”

Right, the dying griffoness we found…

“Just-just, I don't know. If the captain hadn't been there, I know you would have tried to save her. Maybe you wouldn't have succeeded, but you'd have tried. I know you. People matter to you. Ponies, yeah, but definitely Talons.” Her claw wandered from her wrist up to her throat. “But they clearly don't for Captain Stern. Or Master Red Eye. If that was me lying there, I'd have died because I wasn't as important as his damned pet warlord. She made that really clear.”

I wanted to reassure her that if that had been the case, I'd have shot Stern to save her, but I was kidding myself if I did. Or if I did, it would have been a snap decision instead of any decision born out of righteous indignation. Besides, from a practical point of view, she had as much right to live as Amy and I didn't shoot Stern over her…

Amy curled up a little on herself where she stood. “So-so, yeah, I've been wondering if maybe this isn't all the brass back home made it out to be. I've been here a few years, and I see it for what it is now. When it comes down to it, we're just cannon fodder if we need to be. If Captain Stern didn't believe it herself she sure treats us that way if it gets in the way of what Master Red Eye wants. Even if I cared about rebuilding Equestria, and even if I believed Master Red Eye is really working toward that, I'm not sure how much I want to be part of something that treats me like an expendable number.”

It took me a few long, awkward seconds to formulate a response. “I understand, believe me. It kind of kills me that I didn't get to take you back to Oatsfield now. It wouldn't have been exciting by any stretch of the imagination, but at least you'd have had a chance to see life outside of Talon Company.”

She glowered at the floor. “Yeah, I'm pretty pissed about that too. I'm not ready for a 'normal' life. I don't want a 'normal' life. But I sure don't want this anymore.”

I took the notepad in hand and pondered how I'd write up my recommendation for her dismissal. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I'd hated every minute of my time in this pony goddesses forsaken place, and even when I was literally gutted by a hellhound, nobody offered me a way out. And here was Amy, born into Talon Company and a faithful adherent until minutes ago, who had a chance for me to get her out and she might even take it.

“...do you want me to recommend your dismissal? I don't-I don't know if the lieutenant would follow through, but I can recommend it.”

Amy continued to stare at the floor. “I don't know. You said we had three days off duty?”

“That's right.”

“Then let me think about it. She might just toss me in some rear echelon position instead, and that sounds even worse. Counting bullets… just let me think about it.”

Fine, I couldn't blame her for that. I set the pad back down and asked, “What do you want to do now then?”

“Am I free to leave?” She waved a claw. “The clinic I mean. I think I've had enough of this room for a lifetime.”

She seemed able to get around all right despite her injuries, so I didn't see why not. “If you feel ready, I think so. We can head back to the barracks if you want.”

I'd already checked up on the others, so it wouldn't hurt for me to leave either. I just had to verify that Adelaide or Yvonne were around, and we could be off. Honestly, I was looking forward to my cot right about then. The hospital beds were a little too soft to sleep on for my tastes, and I could still use another ten or twenty hours of sleep. Might as well get it while I could.

When I last left the barracks I was hoping I wouldn't have to see them again for a week. Those plans evaporated with Brimstone Blitz's escape, so here I was, flying past the minefield with Amy to get back to work. Everything she said earlier was still weighing heavily on my mind, and ever since I'd been wondering how our contract expiration dates would line up. I knew she'd said something about retiring with her sister when she next could, so odds were good she'd rather do that than leave with me, but it was hard not to fantasize about it. After papa died, I hadn't had much reason to leave Talon Company, but the possibility of retiring with someone I knew and had worked with for a few years changed that a lot.

I tried to push it all out of my mind. She'd never even hinted that she wanted to retire with me, and for all the time we'd spent together it wasn't like we were particularly close. Not to mention our expiration dates were likely years apart, if my memory served, so it was a moot point anyway.

We landed not far from the train car turned barracks to make our final approach. Or, I should say, I landed, while Amy kept fluttering to follow me while keeping just off the ground. No doubt she still didn't want to walk any more than she had to.

Talking was audible through the door before I even shoved it open, and as I predicted I found Serge and Carmelita sitting around the table, cleaning guns and having a heated discussion.

Lita dropped her receiver on the table and added a final point to her conversation by saying, “Yeah, well, I'm going fishing somewhere, even if the lieutenant won't let us leave the city. If I fish up a mutant fish from the moat that spits acid I'm going to find out whoever decided to send Brimstone on a reclamation job and feed it to them.” She waved at us. “Hey guys, you're just in time to get in on the bitching.”

“I've had enough for a lifetime, thanks,” I mumbled as I climbed inside.

“Me too,” Amy added as she flew inside. There really wasn't enough space for someone to spread their wings out to fly, so she had no choice but to settle down and retract her injured leg before she accidentally put her weight on it.

Lita sucked in a sharp breath. “You look rough, girl. How are you holding up?”

I explained her injuries and that we'd need a few days to see how she recovered, which Amy neither confirmed nor denied. She just nodded along and rubbed her claw.

“Damn, that sucks. You're going to have to learn to shoot with your left claw, but don't let it get you down. I'm sure you'll pick it up in no time.”

Amy snorted. “We'll see.”

Serge broke his silence by saying, “Yeah, well, I hope you feel better soon, but I've got something here that might help cheer you up a little.” He reached into a pocket and produced a small, metallic feather that I recognized immediately as the same medal the lieutenant awarded me so long ago. He presented it to Amy and said, “The Purple Feather, awarded to those who are wounded in the line of duty. Lieutenant Blackfeathers was occupied today so she asked me to give it to you in her place.”

Amy took the small medal in her good claw and turned it around to view it from a few different angles. “Thanks. It's something at least.”

He nodded grimly. “It doesn't really make up for it, I know, but Talon Company recognizes your dedication and service. Being wounded in the line of duty is a serious sacrifice to make.”

Not that she had much choice, given the spell that pony used, and I could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't really buying it, but she had the presence of mind to just take the token acknowledgment of her injury instead of going into a rant. “Yes, sergeant.”

Carmelita dropped the rag in her other claw and said, “At least you made it out alive. Bloodfeathers, from the sounds of things you won the lottery there. What was it? Three KIA? Four?” She cringed a little. “Actually, Kaz, didn't the grenade kill your sister?”

Oh boy. I didn't want to do this. Not right now. But she opened the can of worms so I had little choice but to answer. “Not the grenade, no, but… yeah, Brimstone killed her.”

Amy's eyes widened and she snapped her head around. “Wait, what? He did?”

Really didn't want to get into this now, please. “Yeah. Yeah, it was after the grenade. She chased him down and… she caught up to him. The funeral was early this morning. All but one of her squad were killed.”

“You didn't say anything about it earlier,” Amy said.

Serge sighed. “Sorry, Kaz. I know it's really hard, but you seem to be holding up well. I would have come to the funeral this morning but nobody even told us until after it was over. Everything was so chaotic.”

I held up both claws. “I know, I know. It's fine. It's… it's fine, okay?” I backed toward the doorway leading to the cots. “I just need some alone time, and some sleep. So, goodnight. Or day. Or whatever.”

Without really giving them much of a chance to say anything more, I backed into the room, dropped my gear at my footlocker and climbed into my cot across from Isaac. It was dark and quiet here, so I had pretty good odds of actually getting that sleep I so desperately wanted.

“I don't know about you two, but that looked like the definition of not fine to me,” Carmelita muttered, still very audibly.

I rolled over to face the wall and pulled the bed sheets up over my ears. She wasn't wrong. I knew everything wasn't fine, but what could I do? Unlike Amy I didn't have a possible way out. I was stuck here despite everything that happened.

It wasn't fair, but nothing in life ever was.

I wasn't fine, but I had no choice but to act like I was.

...besides, I didn't even cry for Liese. I could probably fake being fine for as long as I needed to. Maybe I really was fine. Maybe Liese's death meant nothing to me.

Or maybe nothing meant anything to me anymore.

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