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Cheese 'n Crackers

by Shotoman

Chapter 1: Our Time Has Come

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Cheese 'n Crackers
by
Shotoman

Cheese Sandwich was in a really good mood. Granted, it was really, really rare that he wasn't in a good mood, but today he was in a really good mood. So good was his mood, in fact, that he actually opted to drop the 'serious desperado' act he usually adopted while traveling and was just clopping along in his usual bright yellow shirt, Boneless II sitting on his back. He finally did it. He finally made his way to Ponyville and showed the persistently perky pink party pony Pinkie Pie just what her painstakingly peppy parties meant for him back when he was a perpetually pouty party pooper.

Cheese stopped short, scratching a forehoof through his hopelessly curly brown mane. Since when do I think in alliteration? he thought to himself. Huh. Shrugging, he just continued on his Eastward journey. His Cheesy Sense was prodding him toward Manehattan, and he was never one to ignore his Cheesy Sense. Speaking of... it was going off right now, actually. Not a doozy by any means, just a small twitch of his tail. That meant that there was somepony nearby who needed a bit of cheering up--but didn't really need a full fledged party to do so.

Cheese Sandwich stopped for a moment and let his gaze turn from the well maintained road he had been following, to the dirt path that led into the lightly wooded sort-of-wildlands not far away, where the Cheesy Sense was pointing him. "What do you think, Boneless?" he asked the rubber chicken perched on his back. After a moment of silence, he nodded. "Yeah. Me, too. I guess it's time to brave the unknown, isn't it? Or just time to take a little detour through some trees. Whatever." Humming a polka-ish tune to himself, he trotted into the thicket of trees.

~FiM~

The Great and Powerful Trixie--aw, who was she kidding?--Trixie Lulamoon was in a horrible mood. Which, sad to say, seemed to be her general mood these days. She had come to peace with Twilight Sparkle (Princess Twilight Sparkle, she had to remind herself) some time ago and, to her own great relief, either Princess Sparkle or Princess Celestia had pulled some strings to ensure that Equestria as a whole didn't learn about the mess she made with that accursed amulet. And, given that it had been well over a year since the Ursa Minor incident and the things she had learned about herself during that time, she felt it time to try to return to show business.

It hadn't gone well.

Fame and infamy both were fickle things. The memories of the common pony weren't exactly long when it came to celebrities. She was able to perform without being immediately run out of town, or having her trailer vandalized. The thing was, she had built her whole act around being so much Greater and More Powerful than the ponies around her and, without the facade, even with her considerable skill as an illusionist, she just couldn't find that 'one thing' that drew in the crowds. Even more frustrating, she had no idea what that thing was she was missing. And so here she was, hiding out in the woods, working up the courage to start the last leg of her journey.

"I must be out of my mind," she muttered to herself. She was returning, of all places, to Ponyville. Not to perform, of course. Even Trixie had no illusions on how successful that would be. But to talk. To get advice. From Twilight Sparkle. The sad fact was, after they had reconciled last time, Sparkle was probably the closest thing Trixie had to a friend. And that's just about the most depressing thought ever, she admitted silently.

"Hiya!" a voice suddenly spoke up from behind, causing the sky blue showpony to practically leap off the log she was seated on and spin to face the sudden intruder. After getting a good look at him, she cocked her head in confusion, even as her heart remained thumping and he horn remained glowing. The intruder was a lanky pony, too light brown to be considered chestnut, with a considerably darker brown mane and tail that were so impossibly curly that they reminded her of the pink one. He was wearing a bright yellow shirt and on his back was... a rubber chicken?

Great, Trixie thought in disgust even as the light finally faded from her horn. Another one.

The new annoyance didn't seem to notice the glare Trixie was sending his way, and he took in the sight of her modest little campsite with a wide toothy smile and and overabundance of energy. "Sorry about that," he said, something between a chuckle and giggle in his voice even as he spoke. "Didn't mean to startle you like that. Just popped in for a hello."

"Who are you, then?" Trixie asked, pleased she was able to keep the surprise out of her purposefully haughty voice.

"Oh, where are my manners?" the newcomer replied, shaking Trixie's hoof vigorously. "Name's Cheese Sandwich, Super Duper Party Planner extraordinaire! Or something. Really, I think I'm cool with just 'party planner,' but my manager says I gotta spice up my title a bit. Isn't that right, Boneless?" Here he gestured to the rubber chicken that was, through some miracle, still perched on his back.

Is he being serious? Trixie thought to herself.

"Soooooo,' Cheese Sandwich continued, his face rather uncomfortably close to Trixie's as he did, "what's your name?"

"You may call me..." she began in her usual haughty tone, before deflating a bit with a sigh. "Trixie. Trixie Lulamoon."

"Trixie?" he asked, plopping his rump down on the ground as a thoughtful look crossed his features (and, incidentally, how in the Princesses' names was that chicken still on his back!?). "Trixie, Trixie..." he muttered, tapping his hoof against his forehead with a speed that would make a woodpecker jealous. Then, he saw her trailer. "Ah!" he exclaimed, his expression brightening suddenly (Did Trixie hear a 'ding' when he did so? She was pretty sure she heard a 'ding.' And did that 'ding' actually come from Cheese Sandwich's head?), "Trixie! As in 'the Great and Powerful,' right?"

"So you've heard of me, then?" she asked wryly.

"Oh, sure!" He was on his hooves again, bounding around. Where did such ponies get such energy? "It's part of the party business to know of fellow entertainers, purveyors of glee, and spreaders of laughs. I should've recognized you right off the bat. It's just you look waaay different without the hat and cape. I saw your show once, you know. You are really good."

"You did? I am?" Now Trixie was curious.

"Oh, yeah. I almost invited you perform at a party of mine, except..." here he stopped, and shoved a hoof in his mouth.

"You might as well say what's on your mind," Trixie grumbled. "I have heard it all."

Cheese Sandwich remained reluctant, a certain mindfulness to her feelings that Trixie recognized and felt a small bit of gratitude for. "Well," he finally said. "Frankly, it was your idea of 'audience participation.' Kinda at odds with what I try to do with my parties."

Trixie's ears drooped as her expression fell. "Yes, I've... learned a few things about that."

"Yeah, I'd guess so..." Cheese Sandwich said thoughtfully, studying the sky blue mare before him. Sure, he knew of the Great and Powerful Trixie. He told the truth when he said he saw her act and everything else. What he didn't say was that he was also aware of her fall from grace (one which, harsh as it was to say, he had kinda predicted.). Last he had heard, her act had sort of... fallen apart, after her outing in Ponyville a couple of years ago, and she had dropped off the map. And, though he was unaware of her recent attempt at a return to the business, he recognized the signs.

He could also tell it wasn't going well, in no small part due to his still twitchy tail.

Suddenly that wide smile appeared on his face again (One of Trixie's firefly lanterns lit at the exact moment it did, too, for just a moment. A coincidence, surely.). "Wait here a sec," he said before vanishing in a streak of yellow and brown. Trixie was left in a befuddled silence for a moment before she shrugged and began to return to he trailer for some dinner. Then he was back again, as sudden as if he'd never been gone, and he was standing rather too close to Trixie for her own comfort. "Finished! C'mon!" Here he took her hoof, and the next thing Trixie knew, she was seated on a simple wooden seat in front of a simple wooden stage just outside the thicket of trees she was camping in. And she was dizzy. Really dizzy. How did she get here so fast? And, for that matter, where did the stage come from? She was pretty sure it wasn't there when she set up camp a couple hours ago.

Before she could untangle her thoughts a spotlight turned on (wait, what?), illuminating the center of the stage. And out from behind the red curtains stepped Cheese Sandwich, standing on his hind legs, an accordion strapped to his forelegs, and that constant wide smile plastered on his dumb face.

"What are you doing up there?" Trixie asked the increasingly ludicrous pony on the stage.

"What's it look like?" he said. "I'm cheering you up!"

"What makes you think I need cheering up?" she asked indignantly.

"You mean you don't?" a voice asked right in Trixie's ear, causing her to jump. Cheese Sandwich was sitting in the stands next to her.

"What?" she asked, looking back up at the now empty stage. "How did you...? Great," she muttered, her hoof meeting her forehead. "He is another pink one."

"Tell you what," Cheese Sandwich said, a surprisingly serious tone in his voice. "Give me five minutes. If I can't get a smile or a laugh out of you in five minutes, I'll go away and leave you to your moping."

"I am not...!"

"Deal?" he asked, extending a forehoof.

Trixie sighed. "Fine," she relented, tapping her forehoof to his. "You have five minutes."

Suddenly Cheese Sandwich was back on the stage, and after a moment to make sure his instrument was ready, he began playing out a polka tune and began to sing:

"Polka Wrap-up Polka Wrap-up

Listen to my accordion cheer

Polka Wrap-up Polka Wrap-up

Hey today ol' Cheese is here

Hey today ol' Cheese is here"

He moved into a musical bridge while studying his audience. Her face was stony, one eyebrow raised, as if asking 'is that all you got?' A wry grin formed on his face. I have not yet begun to goof! he thought as he took in a deep breath and moved on to his next verse:

"At the Gala It's so boring

I think I'll fall asleep

There's really nothing fun here

at the Galaaaaaaaaaa!"

Trixie, who had attended the Grand Galloping Gala in the past, felt the corners of her mouth start to turn upwards, and she had to bite her lip to keep it from happening. Cheese Sandwich, however, saw her moment of weakness and moved in for the kill.

"I've been snoozing I've been snoring

There aren't any fun ponies

What kind of party is this?

Right here at the Galaaaaaaa!"

Trixie couldn't help it. One loud, bark-like laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it. She instantly covered her mouth with her hooves, but could see in Cheese's eyes that he knew he was victorious. Getting herself more comfortable for the rest of the show, she shot him a wry look that very clearly said okay you win, even as she decided that he was actually a pretty good showpony after all.

~Fim~

His show went on for quite some time, going past sundown, but Trixie didn't mind. After getting over her initial bout of stubborn pride, she found the laughs came easier by the minute. Cheese Sandwich lambasted and parodied nearly every song in Equestrian popular culture and, loathe though she would be to admit it to his face, he had a perfect sense of comedic timing. She was enjoying herself to such a degree that when he invited her on the stage to join him in flopping around like a fish out of water in what he called the "Rubber Chicken Dance" she did so without complaint.

Then, suddenly, Cheese Sandwich was gone, and the curtains closed, leaving her on a dark and empty stage. "What...?" she asked in confusion before she heard Cheese Sandwich's unmistakable voice from outside.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, I present you with the Great and Powerful Trixie!" And the curtains rose, putting Trxie up on the stage. In the spotlight. Alone. She looked out and saw that there were no 'fillies and gentlecolts,' save Cheese Sandwich himself, who was looking up at her expectantly while munching on a bag of popcorn.

What is this? Trixie thought to herself. What are you trying to do, here? Is this a contest all of a sudden? Are we to see who is the greater entertainer? Based off of her prior conversation with the exasperating party pony, Trixie didn't think so. He didn't seem the type. But if not then what was he...? Trixie suddenly realized what was going on. Cheese Sandwich wasn't showing off his abilities. He was sharing them. And, she realized as she looked down at him and saw an almost foal like expectancy in his eyes, he was giving her an opportunity to share hers. A smile crossed her face. A small, sincere smile. You want a show? she thought as she magically summoned up her hat and cape. I'll give you a show.

"Witness the marvelous feats of magic and illusion as could only be performed by the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she bellowed, feeling like herself for the first time in a long time, as she fired off a bolt of magic up into the star cast sky. The bolt exploded in the form of a fireworks show that lasted several minutes. After the light show dissipated, a chunk of stars seemed to start moving of their on accord, Soon they took the form of an Ursa Minor, bounding across the sky in great powerful leaps, before coming back to rest in its initial starting point. Then, what looked to be a streak of black ink launched from the moon to land violently on the stage, taking form of a sinister black alicorn, one who had the appearance of a walking children's book illustration. It was joined by a stained glass representation of a snake like creature--a draconequus--as well as a changeling queen, and a sinister black cloud with green and red eyes. Darkness emanated from the illusory creatures, threatening to engulf the stage and the entire area around it, Then a light appeared in the midst of the darkness. A small but comforting lavender colored light. Which grew, and grew until it engulfed and banished all the creatures from the stage, taking the darkness with them. When the light died down, there remained one last image. The sky blue silhouette of a unicorn, lying on the ground. Another silhouette, this one the same comforting purple as the light, stood over the blue one. And she offered her a hoof, to let her stand.

Then the image faded and the spotlight turned back on, revealing the Great and Powerful Trixie, breathing hard, sweat rolling down her face, and tears threatening to pool in her eyes. Why had she chosen those images? The feelings they represented were something she kept buried at all times. For that matter, how had she done that? Never before had she done illusions that elaborate. It was quite literally the best performance she had ever given. That's when she noticed the noise down in the stands. Cheese Sandwich was cheering with such ferocity that he might have been an entire audience by himself. Trixie found herself blushing a bit, even as she took the hat from her head and gave a bow.

"That was awesome!" Cheese Sandwich said, suddenly up on the stage right next to her again. "That was probably the best magic show I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot!"

"You... you knew that would happen, didn't you?" Trixie asked around gasps.

"What? Naaaw. You completely flabbergasted me! I had no clue you were that... well, that great and powerful." Cheese than made a show of looking over his shoulders to see if anypony were listening, then gestured Trixie closer with a forehoof. "But, just a little tip from one showpony to another. We tend to put on our best performances when we're trying to make other ponies happy." Then he stepped away from her with that smile on his face as he began trotting off the stage. "Woah, it's late, isn't it?" he said as if noticing the night sky for the first time. "Mind if I bunk down in your tree grove for the night? I don't think either of us are going anywhere."

Trixie shrugged. "I suppose that would be acceptable. You will have to find your own shelter though."

"No problem. I have a tent, see?" Cheese sandwich pointed to a simple yellow tent that had been set up a respectable distance from her wagon.

"When did you have time to set that up?" Trixie asked. Then glanced behind herself to see that the stage was gone. "And what happened to the stage?"

"What stage?" Cheese asked with a mischievous sparkle in his eye.

"Are you messing with Trixie?" she asked.

"Naw! Why would I ever do that?" was Cheese's response before he suddenly went serious again. "You know, I have a gig in Manehattan in a few days, and I could use a good headliner. You wanna come with?"

Trixie looked away as she said, "I do not think you really want to do that. I would not want to sully your reputation."

"Reputation?" Cheese said in seeming confusion, before turning back to the chicken that was again on his back. "Hey, Boneless, do I have a reputation? Huh. Never knew that." He turned back to Trixie with a smile. "What did I just say back there? I throw parties to make ponies happy. That includes you. I don't care 'bout no bad reputation. Besides, I think you'll be great."

Trixie stared at the stallion before her, a dumbfounded expression on her face, before her expression changed to a cocky smile. "Then the Great and Powerful Trixie will gladly accept your offer." Her expression turned unsure again for a moment, before she planted a quick kiss on Cheese Sandwich's cheek. "And thank you," she added softly before charging into her trailer almost faster than Cheese Sandwich himself could move.

Cheese stood stock still for a moment, before bringing a hoof up to his cheek. Then he cast a glare at the rubber chicken on his back. "What're you lookin' at?" he asked, before tromping off to his tent in a huff.

It looked like he was in for a very interesting week.

Next Chapter: We're Gonna Walk in the Sun Estimated time remaining: 27 Minutes
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