Authors note: This is my first story with an OC, I’m gonna try to put the other stories on a hold (except maybe Deadpool In Equestria) while writing this. This character is similar to me in the way he is completely insane and, sorta like Deadpool, he breaks the 4th wall. However, this characters insanity is far beyond that of Deadpools and he is more of a self insert with added insanity (e.g. he shares my love of top hats and firearms). So without further ado. I present The story. Please note this is not a troll fic, the main character acts like this for comedic purposes, and it is not designed to troll anybody, just to poke some fun at my troll self.

All of the scientist in the research lab stood there in awe at “Test Subject UM4DBR0”’s aim, it was beyond that of normal. He had hit every target exactly in the bullseye, AND HE WAS WEARING SUNGLASSES!

He just adjusted his top hat like a boss before speaking up in the awkwardest fashion any human ever has spoken in before.

“LOL you look like you’ve seen a ghost you dumb newfags.” He said to them, holstering his .357,Sheila.  “Well if you are done being noobs, can I go now?”

The scientist spoke, “Your aim is accurate enough, but your sanity is definitely something that needs to be highly improved on, we are sending you after “Test Subject M4RYSU3”, whom disappeared after descending into the portal, here is her file.”

A file  was thrown into the test subject’s hands. A female with violet eyes (?) and long flowing blonde hair appeared on the screen.  “Test Subject UM4DBR0” simply  raised an eyebrow, and read the file.

“Raven Darkflow, age 21, beaten as a child , she can do no wrong.”

“Now listen here ,test subject, 14 days ago, we sent Raven in to make peace with a foreign dimension, we thought she, of all people could do it. However, she was supposed to contact us on the first week, she did not. Your job is to go in there, and find out what is going on. You think you can handle that?” The scientist said, with a stern voice, everyone in the lab absolutely loved Raven, and she was the favorite test subject.

“Yeah, I understand, I just have one question, why can’t I just go in there and achieve peace my way.”  The test subject replied, holding up his shotgun, a clear gesture as to what he was thinking of.

“We have no idea what is in this dimension, screw up once and you could endanger us all, our goal is to achieve peace.” The scientist said, angered with the test subject's violence and arrogance.

“Yeah but I could achieve peace through superior firepower, and be all “WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT!”. It would be frikkin’ awesome, so stop being a newfag and let me do things my way.” the test subject said.

“This isn’t an action movie, besides the weapons you are taking are to be used in self defense only, Raven is too perfect to die, so saving her should be easier than killing off the entire dimension.” The scientist answered.

“Okay, but listen here newfag, my name isn’t test subject,” He pumped the shotgun. “Its Epic, Epic McTrolol.”

As he walked into the portal, he was geared to the teeth with weapons, he had a belt holstered with 2  357. revolvers, and a lighter and a box of cigarettes, among his back was a 20 gauge Remmington 870 shotgun and in its sheath at his belt was a bowie knife. He lit his cigarette like a boss, and walked slowly towards the beginning of his journey, adjusting his top hat like a boss as he did so.

He knew this was either a great victory, or his last stand, either way, It would be the greatest day of his life, he knew that on the other side was his destined place to live the rest of his life. He knew that he would go down in history for this, as the first human to use epic one liners and shoot random civilians in a foreign dimension.

He then decided walking wasn’t badass enough for this moment.  He spun around and started to moonwalk towards the portal. The moment of truth awaited. He moonwalked through the portal, and shouted “Who’s BAD!” as he turned around to see what wondrous world awaited him.

Then he saw it, he himself was a brony so he knew what it was, He couldn’t believe his eyes. Just the very site of this world, the very site of the beautiful land, the peaceful creatures, the serenade of the wind, the valley expanding beyond his site.

As he let this wondrous miracle soak in, he said words he will always remember.

“F*cking magnets, how do they work?”

He was seeing Equestria, and he knew it. He pulled a list out of his mouth.

“They never bother to check the inside of my body. Dumb cops.” he said as he read his “What to do if I ever go to Equestria” list.

“Number 1. Murder Spree.”  

He pulled out both of his revolvers and ran out to fire at his opponents, ready to take them down one by one.

He ran into Ponyville, firing at nameless background ponies taking them down one by one, shooting them as they all ran away, screaming for their lives.

“FIESTA! FIESTA!” He shouted as he threw his top hat and its hidden RAZOR BLADES came out, it cut a background ponies head off in a very high quality animated sequence that wouldn’t be appropriate for children,but was cartoon animated so it would be perfectly appropriate for teenagers, and then it came back to him like a boomerang.

He then felt a gentle tug on his shoulder, a soothing tug, a tug that made him want to calm down, like an angel was putting him to sleep, Angel? ANGEL! He turned around remembering the name of a certain bunny to see a yellow pegasus with a pink mane.

“Um.. sir, can you please stop what you are doing? I know you think it is fun, but you’re hurting ponies, and it really should stop. Not to mention it is scaring the ones that you aren’t killing or hurting.” She said shyly.

He took a minute to ponder this. He was just causing ruthless destruction, was it really worth it?  He was just being an asshole, a cruel asshole, with no intentions but murder, and then he felt something he never felt in his life, he felt guilt.

He sighed and looked at Fluttershy.

“LOLOL YOUR A PETA BITCH! ROFL!” He said, as the guilt turned into happiness. He then went right back to his fun,after making Fluttershy release a tear at the word “Bitch”, before an alicorn with a long blonde flowing mane and violet eyes stopped.

The alicorn stood to him, angered at his destruction, but seemingly even more angered at his words to Fluttershy.

“You cannot hurt the ponies! You cannot kill the ponies! AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY CANNOT HURT MY GIRLFRIENDS FEELINGS!” She stood at attention.

“I AM RAVEN! THE ONE WHO FOUND THE MIGHTY DISCORD’S GOOD,less chaotic, SIDE, THE ONE WHO BECAME A GODDESS AMONG PONIES, AND FRIEND AMONG THE MANE 6! State your name!”  Raven said, her mary sueness showing brighter than ever as Fluttershy cried tears of joy at her lover defending her.

“Cool story bro, tell it again.” Epic boredly replied to her bullcrap, then he finally connected the dots, he saw she was a mary-sue, his anger grew at this conclusion and he had only one thing to say.

He pulled out his shotgun and fired straight at her yelling “ BUCK SHOT!”, knocking her down and making her bleed.

“If it bleeds, I can kill it.” he said.

As the goddess got back up he lit her on fire, dropped a tank of gas on the fire, and then opened fire....on her while she was on fire, then he put her out and stabbed her a crapload of times with the bowie knife.

“Mission failed.” He triumphantly said as Fluttershy cried over the death of her lover.

Authors notes : So what do you think of the OC.