“Well? Come on then, that’ll be ninety-six bits.” Silver Ticket held his hoof out expectantly. Applejack’s eyes darted from the hoof to Silver Ticket’s eyes frantically as a guilty, apologetic smile crept across her face.

The conductor lowered his head as a frown crossed his muzzle. “Well, come on now. What, do you not have your wallet with you?” A nod. “Really?” he scoffed, “What kind of fool leaves home without their wallet?” Applejack could only shrug half-heartedly, looking downcast.

“Alright then. I’ll make a deal with you. That hat seems quite valuable and there’s ponies who’d pay good money for it in the town. Give me the hat and I’ll let you stay. Heck, I’ll even set you up with a ticket to Ponyville.”

“And if’n I don’t?” Applejack asked.

He shrugged. “Then you’ll both be placed under arrest and escorted to jail at the next stop.” He smiled in the style of a used-cart salesman. “Your choice.”

Applejack was at a loss. On one hand, she could keep her hat, but… On the other hand she could get a free ride home, but… She bit her lip in a slight panic. Was there any way out?

The answer came in the form of a columbia blue hoof removing her hat and placing it on a chromatic mane, followed up by a cocksure grin and the worst country accent Applejack had ever heard.

“Why, Ah do declare, I reckon, that y’all need ‘ta blow’er outta yer noggin’! Ah do declare, Ah reckon that ninety-six bits be’a highway robbery! Ya varmint thief!” Rainbow yelled at the top of her lungs. By the time Applejack could even think about saying “what?” Rainbow Dash threw open the car door and was gone, leaving her alone with the rather unhappy conductor of the train.

With no other choice, Applejack took the only option available to her and gave chase to the fleeing country mare wannabe. Catching up to Rainbow was easy, what with her yelling ‘yeehaw’ and ‘get along, little doggie’ nonstop and the single direction anyone could go, and she found herself in the dining car before long.

Watching Rainbow weave her way through the baffled patrons of the car, Applejack leapt upon the nearest table. With a throaty growl and a powerful kick from so many years of apple bucking, she kicked off the table in the direction of the rainbow-maned mare.

“Darn it, Rainbow Dash!” She bellowed, “Give me mah hat back!”

Rainbow made the fatal mistake of pausing and turning to the source of the yell, going wide-eyed as the mass of orange and blonde smashed right into her. Crashing through the table behind Rainbow they rolled a slight distance before coming to a halt with the rowdy pegasus pinned beneath Applejack.

Rainbow looked up —not that she could look elsewhere— into the furious glare of Applejack, still wearing the cocky grin from when she split from the conductor. Applejack snorted in exhaustion and irritation making Rainbow laugh. “Oh come on AJ! Ninety-six bits or the hat for a ride home? That’s just too stupid to even consider!”

Applejack moved her head closer speaking through clenched teeth. “You impulsive, irritating, air-headed, consarn feathered pest!” Applejack got no further for Rainbow, as quick as a flash and with a grin to match, kissed her straight on the lips causing all thoughts to derail on the spot.

On impulse, Applejack pulled back after a few seconds, uncertain of what just happened. Her eyes wide and her jaw moving without speaking, causing Rainbow to laugh at her. “See? Told ya I was good with my mouth. Now can you get off me so we can find your hat and get out? I don’t think they’ve forgotten about us juuuuuust yet.”

The mention of her hat was enough to break the stupor she was in and she stepped off of Rainbow —but didn’t help her up. As she looked about the dining car upon the sea of confused ponies, she spotted her hat resting on top of what looked like a scaled down version of the MMMM cake made by the Cakes.

With a grin and girlish squeal of joy, Applejack made haste to the cake to get it. As she approached it, she reached out a hoof to collect it. But as soon as her hoof grazed the brim of the hat, however, a deafening bang echoed through the car and her vision was obscured by a sudden smoke screen.

Applejack swung a hoof in front of her face, trying to clear from her eyes. Blinking through the stinging sensation in her eyes, she looked upon the top of the cake only to find that her hat was missing! Before she could voice what she saw, she heard a familiar voice yell for her.

“AJ! Look!” Rainbow called, Applejack turned to her to see Rainbow’s hoof pointed toward a point nearby. Looking toward the point, Applejack beheld what appeared to be a pony covered head to hoof in black, complete with a slender black stick on its back. In its hooves was none other than Applejack’s hat.

“I can’t believe it! Here of all places! I finally found Illinois Bones’ fabled hat!” An oddly familiar voice spoke before dropping a smoke pellet and vanishing again. Applejack dashed to the opened side door of the car only to witness a black hangglider a surprising distance away.

“Dagnabit! Now what do I do?” Applejack spat.

“Simple. We jump and chase them down.”

Applejack spun around to find Rainbow Dash directly behind her, a very unsettling grin on her face. Applejack cast a look out the open door, only to realize what she meant.

“Rainbow… We’re on a bridge…”

Rainbow readied herself.

“Ya can’t be serious! We’ll be killed!”

Rainbow flared her wings in response.

‘We’ll never catch him!” She was getting desperate.

Rainbow jumped up, planting both rear legs on the closed door behind her, “No… NO NO NO NO NO!!!!” Applejack screamed as Rainbow Dash gave a mighty push off, colliding with Applejack and shooting like a bullet from a gun out the door of the train car.
As they entered free fall, Applejack could only yell:

“You’re an insane maaaareeeee, Rainbow Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!”