Nothing beats a day off. It doesn’t matter where you are or what your circumstances. Even if you were to suddenly find yourself in a crazy marshmallow horse dimension, and through a convoluted series of incredibly fantastic and highly improbable events you ended up marrying the prettiest marshmallow horse princess of said dimension, it still remains a universal truth.

No itinerary. No obligations. Just being as totally lazy or as active as you want, following whatever whimsical idea that comes to mind, or barring that, just getting lost within your daydreams… a day off is as close to paradise as you can get in this life…

…which is why you’ve been looking forward to today for a while now, especially after the absolute insanity that was the wedding, and after going through all the stuff involved with moving from your little Ponyville cottage to Canterlot Castle. Yes, it’s taken seemingly forever, but a day has finally come where neither of you has anything important to do!

Oh, you had to wake up at dawn with Cel for the whole ‘raising the sun’ thing. That never really changes. But afterwards, you both hopped back in bed and went right back to sleep! The day’s already off to a good start, because one of the little things you have in common with your wonderful wife is a mutual love of sleeping in when given the opportunity. In fact, back when you were roommates she was usually worse than you about it, and you’d often find her still snoozing away on the couch even when you somehow managed to drag yourself out of bed for a late Saturday morning breakfast.

The warmth of the radiant sun shining through the great glass balcony doors of your royal bedchambers eventually stirs you awake, and you let out a yawn while snuggling into the soft, even warmer coat of your favorite horse. A snore rumbles in her throat as she snoozes away in her favorite position, her muzzle resting atop your head and her hooves wrapped around you in a tight, but mutual embrace as you lay facing one another.

‘We’re almost like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together,’ she remarked one morning about your sleeping habits, and it’s definitely true. Ever since you accidentally ended up in bed with one another that first night on the Dawn Star, the two of you have woken up like this more often than not. She’s even gotten to the point where she’ll prepare for it by building a little nest of pillows where you’ll both lay your heads before those needy forehooves inevitably reach out to pull you to her, consciously or unconsciously alike.

‘Yeah, in more ways than one,’ you remember whispering to her in response, following it up with a quick kiss. As the biggest little pony there is, she’s the only pony in the whole wide world who doesn’t need to strain to kiss you, and she’s the only pony big enough to carry you upon her back, and both of those things have brought you each immeasurable joy. And of course, there are the many other ways you fit together, be it your personalities, quirks and habits, similar sense of humor, or the things which can’t be mentioned in polite company…

When it’s all taken together, you and Cel truly believe that you were made for one another, and the deep bond you share is recognizable not only between the two of you, but by your friends, family, and most of the ponies of the Kingdom, who cheered your union on with heartwarming enthusiasm.

Yep, just about anyone would agree that you really are like two puzzle pieces perfectly fitted together in nearly every way one can think of. But there’s a certain downside to that which pops up from time to time, and unfortunately this morning finds you facing it once again.

“Oh man, I really need to take a leak.”

Somehow, you’re going to have to slip out of your lovely wife’s loving embrace in order to get to the bathroom, and it’s not as easy as it sounds.

‘Wake her up’ is off the table. It’s not because you’re reluctant to do it or anything, it’s because it’s utterly impossible when she wants to sleep in. You suspect that maybe it’s an alicorn thing considering some of the crazy stuff you’ve heard Luna’s slept through before, but even poking and prodding at her most ticklish spots has little effect when she’s in this state. (Though it does cause her to produce a horsey version of the sound the Pillsbury Doughboy makes, which amuses you to no end even if it doesn’t really help your situation any.)

You know from experience that with her forehooves locked around your back, the range of motion you have with your arms is limited. It’s really hard to get any sort of leverage with them, and you won’t win against her in a battle of raw strength anyway. Thankfully, even though your own legs are tangled up with her back legs beneath the sheets, you can free them relatively easily, and this fact has been your path to salvation in the past. Back at the cottage, the bed was so small that you could use your legs to roll the both of you off the side, and the impact of her back against the floor would result in her loosening her grip enough for you to escape. She’d always sleep right through it, and you’ve come to find that immortal alicorns are pretty durable in general, so she was no worse for wear from the experience aside from waking some time later wondering why she was on the floor and where her human ran off to.

This time, though… you’re really not sure if it’s gonna work. The giant-ass bed you share in the castle is easily five times the size of your old one, and you’re right smack dab in the middle of it, with the edges woefully far away. You’ll have to roll her over several times to make it to one side, and there’s a very good chance that once she’s on top of you, you won’t be able to keep up your momentum and thus end up in an even worse predicament than you already are.

But still, as with most things, you won’t know unless you try, Anon. So here goes nothing…

After raising your head as far as you can, you determine that the left side of the bed is slightly closer, so that’s what you decide to aim for. A quarter-roll finds Celestia on her back with you on top, your arms helping to hold most of your upper body weight away from her barrel and your legs straight out behind you (and between her own splayed rear legs) as if you were doing pushups. She lets out a snort of displeasure and then softly nickers a few times as if calling out to you, but that’s normal. You’ve found in the past that when she’s sleeping, she doesn’t like it when something pulls you away from her.

“Sorry, Cel. I hate to leave you, but trust me, the alternative’s way worse for the both of us.”

After muttering your apology, and somewhat encouraged by how easy it was to move her, you shift your weight in order to put it all into your next movement. The goal is to use your momentum to roll her over either entirely in one go, or at least 3/4ths of the way so that you’re not trapped underneath her at any point. You let out a deep breath and start to count down in your mind. 3, 2, 1… *pomf*

Wait a minute, ‘pomf’? Oh no…

You completely forgot about her wings! Now that she’s on her back, her wings have unfurled across the bed, and much like those stabilizers you’ve seen mobile cranes deploy to keep from tipping over when they’re operating, there’s no way in hell you’re going to be able to move her around when her wings are out like this!

“Shit… now what do I do?”

Yeah, there’s no way you’ll be able to fold her wings up yourself. They’re way too long and your arms are too restricted by her forehooves to reach that far anyway. But maybe…

Acting on a hunch, you move your arm and slip your hand down her side until your fingers reach her wing pit. Though you can’t directly see what you’re doing from this angle, you feel around using the knowledge you’ve gained of her body over your time together to find the exact spot you’re looking for, as well as elicit some cute-sounding snorts of pleasure from her as you search. It should be right… around… there!

As soon as you hit the sweet spot, her wing quickly pulls back to her side, giving you just enough time to move your arm back before it fully folds away. The effect of touching that pressure point is kind of like hitting the quick-release button to close an open umbrella, now that you think about it. You quickly repeat the process on her other side to fold that wing as well, and just like that you’re back in business. You shift your weight, then roll to the left again, and to your surprise you actually make it all the way, ending up on top of her once more, much closer to the bed’s edge and freedom!

The pretty pony beneath you flicks her ears and nickers again, and you can’t resist the urge to scooch up some and plant a kiss on her nose, reassuring her, “Don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

You successfully perform two more full rolls to finally bring the both of you to the bed’s edge, with one more guaranteed to send you over the side. You pause for a bit, using your position to judge how far you’ll end up falling. This bed is a little higher than the one at the cottage, but what choice do you really have at this point? It’s a good thing your better half happens to be super soft and cuddly while also being nigh-indestructible, so despite the extra fall distance you should both still be okay. For you, it’s like falling on a comfy pillow, and you’re fairly certain she doesn’t even feel a thing.

With a deep breath, you steel yourself and then roll one last time, sending the both of you over, and partially pulling the sheets along for the ride…

*FWOOMP*

“W… Why…”

Okay… so… it turns out the bed’s extra height caused you to roll too much as you were falling. Instead of landing on top of your comfy spouse as planned, she ended up on top of you, and your world is now pain as a result.

And of course, to add insult to injury, she remains firmly attached so you still can’t even get to the goddamn bathroom.

You flop your head back on the rug and sigh. It… it wasn’t supposed to end like this…

“My Prince! Your Highness! I heard a commotion! Are you alright?!”

The door to the room swings open, and in steps your savior…

“Pyre!” you gasp. “Thank god! Quick, get over here and help me with this!”

Man, talk about a lucky break! You completely forgot about the guards standing watch outside your chambers, otherwise you would’ve called out to them sooner. But to your surprise, instead of coming to your aid, the devoted pegasus pony, his golden Solar Guard armor glimmering in the sunlight shining through the far glass doors, turns beet red and takes an extremely shaky step backwards.

“M-My Prince… I’ve… I’ve sworn an oath to your service, as well as to the Princess. I… I am honor-bound to do whatever it is you request of me, but… but… in this case I cannot comply as my heart belongs to another! I beg your forgiveness!!”

With a hasty bow, he retreats from the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving you utterly confused as to what just happened.

“Why did he run off? I just needed his help with—”

On a hunch, you quickly take stock of the scene and try to see it from his perspective. You and Cel are on the floor, both completely naked and barely covered by the sheets you managed to pull with you on the way down. The alicorn’s on top of you, holding you close to her body in a tight embrace, and from where he was standing you probably wouldn’t be able to tell she’s sleeping…

“Oh for fuck’s sake, really?!”

As you try to digest this latest development, you hear a faint but unmistakable giggle-snort ring out nearby. Slowly and calmly, you lift your head and whisper in your wife’s ear, “How long have you been awake, honey?”

Her entire body tenses, and after what you can tell is a split-second decision on her part, she begins doing the most obvious fake snoring you think you’ve ever heard.

“Yeah, that’s right, you keep digging that grave. You know, I was thinking about maybe asking a certain pony to go riding along some of the trails that wind around the mountain peak later this afternoon since the weather’s been so nice. But I guess she needs to catch up on her sleep, so…”

“Now you’re just being needlessly cruel,” she pouts, her magenta eyes alert and capturing your own.

You fail to meet her gaze. “Yeah, looks like she’s so tired that she’s even sleep-talking now.”

“Anon~!” Celestia whines, hugging you tighter for a moment before blushing and turning away when you simply smile back at her. “Very well, I get the picture. Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you, my treasured husband.”

“Promise you’ll go with me in a couple of minutes to help me out with the incredibly awkward conversation I’m about to have with our plucky pegasus guardspony.”

She giggles again. “It’s a promise. I would’ve gone anyway, as I’m worried that if we don’t find him soon, we’ll have to go explain to poor Raven why it seemed as if we were inviting her husband into our bed.”

You chuckle a bit, and then take a moment to admire her as the morning sunlight dances through her waving, yet un-brushed and wild multicolored mane. You notice the slight bags under her eyes, a sign that she’s not yet had the day’s first cup of coffee, and the tired, but genuine smile she wears that always captures you completely. You reach your hand up, as far as her embrace will allow, to affectionately stroke her muzzle, and she leans into your touch, her smile growing wider.

“You never answered the question, Cel. How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough to have already started enjoying this day together with you, my love,” she replies, leaning down to share a light kiss. “Some of the silly things you do I find to be adorable beyond measure.”

“Likewise. But you’d better let me up, ‘cause I really do need to pee,” you say, shifting uncomfortably.

She nods. “Yes, as do I.”

Silence falls again as you both eye the door to the bathroom on the other side of the room and a certain realization sets in. In an instant, she’s on her hooves and bolting toward it, but you react even faster, reaching out and grabbing that long, shimmering tail before she can get too far.

“Oh no you don’t!” you roar, pulling her back to the floor to vault over her broad back and reach the bathroom first. A triumphant slam and a twist of the handle lock seals your victory, and you can hear her frustrated cry just beyond the masterfully-crafted oaken door.

“Anooooon~!”

“Go use your sister’s bathroom if you can’t wait!” you yell back, and her answer comes as an exasperated snort along with the clip-clop of her retreating hooves as she runs off to do just that. You finish up your business, wash your hands, and then return to the bedroom to hunt down some clothes to throw on before you head out to try to chase down Pyre. Finding some, you quickly dress, but find your attention drawn to the balcony as you move to button up your shirt.

Following your whim, you push one of the great glass doors open and step outside, the gentle morning breeze carrying crisp mountain air to your lungs. You breathe in and out, savoring it, and turn your gaze to the great city below, leaning upon the balcony’s railing to take it all in.

The familiar clip-clop sound echoes again, and your beautiful wife is by your side once more. Out of habit, your hand reaches over to scratch that special spot behind her ears that she loves so much, and the two of you wordlessly enjoy the view for a moment, two puzzle pieces placed upon the canvas of life and perfectly fit side-by-side, before returning to the castle to start the day.