Applejack walked into Sugarcube Corner, her hat hung low. Pinkie Pie was behind the counter, pulling out a tray of cupcakes. Pinkie turned around, set the tray on the counter and said, “Hey, Applejack! What brings you here?”

Applejack nodded towards the basement.

“There’s something in my basement?”

“No, Pinkie, I mean let’s go downstairs!” Applejack said.

Pinkie nodded. “OK!”

The two mares went downstairs, Applejack shutting the door behind her, Pinkie jumping on her bed, Applejack sitting on the floor in front of her.

“So, what’s up?” Pinkie asked.

Applejack scratched the back of her neck. “Well, there ain’t no easy way to say this...but Twilight’s been actin’ a lot like you lately,” Pinkie opened her mouth to argue, but Applejack shut her up with a wave of her hoof. She continued, “And not in a good way. She’s like all the worst of ya in one big package. Do you have any way of takin’ her out?”

Pinkie mused on this for a second, still bouncing on her bed. “So, the worst of me, huh? Well, I got something right here that’ll take her out for good!” as she whipped out a black rectangle with two smaller black rectangles jutting out the bottom of it from...somewhere.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Now what is that?”

“An uzi.” Pinkie said flatly.

“And what is that?”

“A machine pistol.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “And what in the hay is that?”

“A gun.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

Pinkie smiled. “It’s a device that’ll take Twilight out for good. Wanna see it?”

Applejack nodded uneasily.

“Alright, then, get behind me!” Pinkie said. Applejack listened and got behind Pinkie. “Now cover your ears.” Applejack did as told. Pinkie Pie then hooked the gun on her hair and took out a pair of sunglasses, slipping them on. “Suck depleted uranium!”

What proceeded shook Applejack to her core. It was a loud series of bangs that sounded like hundreds of fireworks were going off at once, and those fireworks were being shot into hundreds of dragons which all roared at once.

“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF THE SISTERS TWO!” Applejack cried out, “THAT’LL KILL HER!”

Pinkie was the one who raised an eyebrow this time. “Not if I use rubber bullets!”

Applejack shook her head, her ears still ringing. “Never mind that, yer not usin’ that thing on her! Just, I dunno, knock her out or somethin’!”

Pinkie nodded, putting the machine pistol away...somewhere and pulled a record out from her mane.

“Now what’s that, Pinkie?”

“A record, silly!”

“An’ how you gonna use that?”

“By playing it, silly!”

Applejack let out a long sigh of relief. “That’s good, Pinkie. But how’s that gonna take out Twi?”

“Oh, you’ll see…” Pinkie said, “or actually you won’t because you won’t be in here to see it happen which is REALLY sad because it’s one of my favorite records of all time…”

Applejack paid no heed as she walked out on Pinkie Pie during one of her rambles. And no, she didn’t feel bad at all.

----

Twilight Sparkle walked into Sugarcube Corner at the behest of Applejack, who promised her more cider if she went in. She looked around for Pinkie and caught her. She waved madly.

“PINKIE! PINKIE!”

Pinkie, who had a tray of muffins in her hooves, turned around and flinched when she saw the creepy smile on Twilight’s face, causing her to drop the muffins, the tray clanging on the floor. She quickly composed herself and said, “Hey, Twi! I have a secret for you in my basement!”

“What is it, what is it?” Twilight asked.

“Silly pony, it wouldn’t be a secret if I told you! Now come downstairs with me!” Pinkie said as she took Twilight’s hoof and led her into the basement, shutting the door behind her.

“Ready for the secret?” Twilight nodded furiously. “The secret is one of my favorite songs EVER!” as she set the needle on the record, letting it play. Cheery guitar music started, followed by a song, which Pinkie Pie started bouncing to.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight was bouncing with the music along with Pinkie Pie, when Pinkie Pie started pronking into the air. Twilight, not to be outdone, started pronking happily as well.

“Second verse, same as the first!” Pinkie shouted out.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight and Pinkie were pronking happily to the song, when Pinkie started to bounce up so hard that she banged her head on the ceiling. Twilight tried, but to no avail.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,

Twilight kept on trying to hit her head on the ceiling with no luck. She wasn’t going to let herself be outdone by Pinkie, though. She tried jumping harder.

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,

As much as Twilight tried, she just couldn’t jump as high as Pinkie. Twilight then realized she had something Pinkie didn’t have - wings!

Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile fun fun,
Smile smile smile smile smile smile-

Twilight put all she had into this last jump, spreading her wings, and finally rocketed into the air at full speed.

- smile smile smile smile smile smile fun fun fun!

Twilight’s head hit the ceiling with a loud KRAK! and she fell down, unconscious, her wings and hooves splayed around her.

----

A knock was heard at the basement door.

“Come down! It’s done!”

The door opened revealing Applejack trotting down the stairs. “Did you - SWEET CELESTIA WHAT HAPPENED HERE!” Applejack cried out upon noticing the huge crack in the ceiling.

“The Smile Smile Fun Fun song, silly!” Applejack raised an eyebrow at that. “Don’t you see? She may act like me, she may dance like me, but she doesn’t have a noggin like me!” Pinkie said, knocking her own skull with her hoof.

“I believe that one has more ta do with yer hair, Pinkie. Now help me tie her up.”

Pinkie looked sadly at Applejack. “Tie her up?”

Applejack sighed. “It’s fer her own good,” she said, lassoing Twilight’s prone form.

Pinkie nodded. “OK!” and proceeded to wrap the rope around Twilight. Once she was fully bound from head to hoof, Pinkie loaded her up onto Applejack and they proceeded to walk out of Sugarcube Corner, drawing stares from the residents.

“Nothin’ ta see here...just business as usual,” Applejack placated the crowd with, which they seemed to take in good humor as they went back to eating their sweet treats. A bead of sweat dripped down her face as she scrunched it up. It wasn’t technically a lie. We’ve done all sorts of weird stuff around town.

----

Twilight woke up to complete blackness, her eyes apparently blocked by something. Or maybe she didn’t have eyes. That was something to ponder about. She tried to move her wings and legs, but to no avail. She must not have those anymore either. She tried to use her magic, but she didn’t seem to have magic either. She quickly went through her options. Snake was right out of the picture, that was too sinister. Sea cucumber? No, they lived underwater, so scratch that. She sensed that she was definitely not underwater. Or was she? No, she couldn’t be, she’d have felt a current wash by her. Maybe a worm? Yes, worm sounded right. It felt right. So she was Princess - wait, worms don’t have princesses, or any sort of royalty. That meant she could create a monarchy, where she was the sole ruler. So she took a deep breath and announced-

----

“Bow before your new Mishtressh, Queen Twiworm!”

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike respectively facehooved and faceclawed simultaneously.

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy and Rarity said in unison.

Pinkie clapped her hooves together happily and said, “She’s fun! Can we keep her like this?”

“NO!” Everypony and dragon present shouted forcefully.

“It was just a suggestion…” Pinkie said, shrinking back.