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A Princess and Her Queen

by kildeez

Chapter 43: Chapter XLIII: Together Again

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“This is stupid. This is so, so stupid.”

“You rather take on the Praetorians alone!? A couple battalions of the best soldiers the world has ever produced!?” Bait hissed, jabbing his partner in the side.

The large changeling trotted along in silence for a moment. “Gimme a second on that one,” he said.

Bait swallowed, shivered, looked up. “Yeah, I know that feel.”

All at once, it hit him. This was the first time they’d really slowed down with little else to focus on: the rush after the fight in the Interrogation Room, and the discovery of the Praetorians’ chamber of horrors had kept it at bay, but here, just trotting through the maze of tunnels in the hopes of popping out where they needed to, it hit him: Pinkie was innocent.

His heart started to rise. Something blossomed in his chest, filling it until he couldn’t catch his breath. A stupid grin spread across his face.

Switch turned to him then. “Dude, you having a panic attack?”

“Pinkie’s innocent,” Bait gasped.

Switch blinked. Then, the stupid grin spread across his face, too. “Holy shit dude...”

“They’re innocent.” Bait’s step gained a little hop. “They’re innocent! The Praetorians set them up!”

Switch started to cackle like a colt, but stopped himself. “Dude, hold on, just...”

“She’s innocent!” Bait hovered into the air, his wings racing with his heart. “She’s innoc-”

A large hoof clamped over his muzzle as Switch pulled him down. “Shhhh...” he giggled like a filly talking about their crush. “We need to stay calm. We’re going to see them.”

“We’re going to see them,” Bait said breathlessly. “Because they’re innocent.”

“Yes...” Switch let out a long breath, falling back against the cave wall. “Yes. They are innocent.”

“Okay...Okay okay okay...oh shit.” He gasped. “Oh shit. And we didn’t believe them.”

Switch’s eyes filled with horror. “Oh shit...”

“Oh shit, we didn’t believe them!” Bait’s wings stopped dead as he froze in Switch’s grip. “Oh shit! We thought they were nymph-killers! Oh shit, oh no, oh shit!” He twisted, hooves on his partner’s chest. “Switch man, we can’t go back there!”

Switch stared his partner in the eyes helplessly. “We have to.”

“No we don’t! We can just head back to the streets, go on patrol, maybe the Praetorians will think we still don’t know anything and leave us alone!”

“What, you think they were searching the interrogation room for their health?” Switch replied, shaking his head. “They almost killed us on the suspicion we knew something. Got damn close too.”

“Th-then we can leave! Ride the rails! We’ll become hobos! Ass-kicking hobos, though! We’ll rid Equestria of all crime!”

“If the Praetorians’ plan doesn’t involve taking everything over and putting everypony in one of those nasty-ass pods,” Switch pointed out.

“Then we’ll...we’ll...we’ll...” Baits shoulders sagged. He didn’t even suggest trying to fight their way to Chrysalis, knowing it would be a lost cause the moment they were spotted by a patrol. The Praetorians were just too familiar with their tactics, too well-trained. One patroller would hold the pair off while the others went for help, and within minutes, they’d be up to their eyeballs in stab-happy elites.

Switch could only hug his smaller friend helplessly, cradling Bait with his head on his shoulder like an infant. “I know, dude, I know.”

“I don’t think I can face her right now...” Bait sniffled, and Switch felt actual tears on his shoulder.

The larger changeling took that as permission to mist up himself. “I can’t either, but there’s a lot more at stake here than our emotional bullshit.”

Bait just groaned and laid there in the embrace of his friend, shaking his head. “We are so screwed.” He said as magical fire engulfed his body, his fang suddenly appearing whole again as his body reformed into something slightly larger, his shoulders broadening.

“Yeah, but it’s the only shot we got,” Switch sighed, fire sweeping away the scarring on his cheek and eye as his frame shrank. By the time he was done, the pair looked like somewhat mismatched, but otherwise ordinary changelings.

Sighing, Bait shook his head. “Alright, let’s get this act of stupidity and suicide over with,” he grumbled as he trudged towards the end of the tunnel.

Carefully sliding the exit aside, Bait and Switch peered out. “Think we got lucky and the Praetorians aren’t looking here?”

“The Maker hates us too much for that,” Bait hissed back, though the hallway did appear empty at first glance. The two now average-sized changelings pulled themselves up and out into the hall. “Okay…” he muttered.

“Here’s hoping,” Switch said, trotting along towards the cell doors, the pair unaware of the trio of shadows that stalked them into the cells.


Pinkamena Diane Pie hated this. She hated ponies not liking each other in general, even if some of those ponies were bug-ponies. But ponies not liking her!?

Inconceivable. Simply unforgivable.

She would be partying all the meanie hatred out of said pony so hard right now if she wasn’t locked up. Yeah, that’s just what she would be doing right now! And definitely not crying, no sir! She would be throwing the Pinkie Party to end all Pinkie Parties, the sort of thing that would make everypony stop being all mean to each other, and make a certain bug realize how stupid he’d been and leap into her hooves and maybe make out with her again and hold her and kiss the tears away and…

She paused, opened her eyes. Small globules of water floated in the goop around her, suspended as little blue balls for a second before mixing with the rest of the green gunk. She sniffled (no easy feat while suspended in changeling goop) and lay back against the rear wall of her cocoon, letting out a sigh as another curl in her mane straightened out. Nothing but the opaque walls of her prison met her sight.

It wasn’t enough she couldn’t even explain herself to him, no. She couldn’t even look at her friends! Apparently, changelings weren’t big on interaction with prisoners suspected of attempted babycide. Who knew? She just wished something would happen! That somepony would come along, and she could explain to them what they knew, and everything would be okey-doki-loki again!

She sighed. Even she knew that wasn’t gonna happen.

“Pinkie?” A violet hue appeared in the side of her pod.

Pinkie sighed. “Hey, Twilight.” At least their pods weren’t soundproof. “How’re you?”

“Oh you know...been better, been worse.”

“Any luck thinking of a way out of this?”

“Well, I discovered if I spit enough, it retained enough of its properties to be recognizable as a pool of spit in here, which I could then form up into a ball.”

“Grossss!” Pinkie giggled as gagging noises came from the ivory shape in the pod beside her.

“Really, darling! Is that the most productive thing you can do!?” Rarity shouted.

“I figured it’d give some of us a way to entertain ourselves in here.” Twilight said. “Applejack’s already started on trying it out.”

“No Ah...uh...shoot.” Applejack grumbled as Pinkie’s giggles filled the air. “Guess there ain’t a whole lot we can get away with, on account of bein’ so close together.”

“I guess,” Pinkie sighed as her giggles faded off. “Thanks, Twi. I needed that.”

“You’re welcome.” Twilight sighed. A few more minutes of silence followed.

“So, dearie,” Rarity started tentatively. “You seemed rather...close with your captor.”

Pinkie’s mane deflated a bit more, losing the slight bounce it had gained with Twilight’s discovery. “Oh, that?” She sniffled. “That was just a one-time thing.”

Silence again. “Say what now?” Rainbow asked, finally speaking up since she’d started her own spitball to compete with Applejack’s.

“Oh, y’know,” Pinkie chuckled. “We were just a couple adults in a weird situation together. I mean, it’s not unheard of, this sorta thing. And we were safe about it!”

More silence. “Pinkie, you’re talking about...” Twilight started.

Pinkie nodded sullenly. “I let him bake with me.”

Sighs of relief circled the room. “Oh, Pinkie,” Twilight gasped. “That’s...”

“I even let him take over by himself after we had sex.”

That shut the room up. “What!?” Rainbow gasped.

“I know! A first time noobie running a kitchen all by himself!? What was I thinking!?”

“No Pinkie, that’s...” Twilight paused, seemed to gather her thoughts. “Look, Pinkie, if he forced himself on you--”

“Baity would never do that!” Pinkie blurted out.

Again, more silence. “Baity!?” Rarity gasped.

Pinkie paused, inhaled, and it all came out: “He was my captor yeah and he was a little mean at the start but even then he still helped around the kitchen and seemed pretty cool and then I found out he was keeping up with my Pinkieness and was all like ‘AAAHHHH FINALLY SOMEPONY GETS IT’ or is that someling? Anyway we had this really intense night one time where he almost died and me and Flutters saved him and he confessed he wanted it too and I was like ‘yay!’ and I thought at first it was a one-night stand and I thought that was okay but now I’m not so sure about it being okay and I think I feel a lot more now and I think he might even feel the same way but none of that matters ‘cause he thinks I’m a meaner mcmeanerpants who hates foals and would set them on fire which no I’m nah-hah-haht!

She finally allowed her face to sink into her hooves. The tears finally flowed free, all the messed-up, complicated feelings finally flying out through her eyes. As her sniffles eventually abated, she opened her eyes again, wiping at her muzzle with a tiny smile.

“Hey guys, just so you know, it’s not just spit. Tears do the same thing.” She said, watching the little blue ball floating in front of her eyes.

“Um...a-and what Pinkie said?” Fluttershy finally said from her corner of the room. “Ditto. A-also, I can confirm the tears thing.”

A few moments passed with everypony processing what they just heard. “Um...wow, that’s a lot to unpack there.”

“You’ve had a really busy time here,” Rainbow added.

“We were really worried for you two when we learned about who was holding you,” Rarity hissed. “Turns out we only needed to worry about you having enough condoms!”

“I’m still not dismissing Stocksholm syndrome...” Twilight muttered.

“So...” Rainbow asked. “How was it? Y’know, with a changeling?”

“...seriously Dash?” AJ added.

“Oh, like none of you guys ever wondered!”

“I’m just surprised Pinkie and Fluttershy were the first to find coltfriends,” Rarity mused.

“Girls! Focus!” Twilight shouted, returning with the full force of her power as the de-facto leader of the Crystal Empire rebels. “The point is, Pinkie...whatever your emotions, just know we’ll all be there to help you work them out.”

At that, a few more tears joined the small globe hovering in front of Pinkie’s muzzle. “Th-thanks guys, really. Even after it all, I’m glad we all got to be together again, even if it’s, y’know...in here.”

“Yeah.” The mares all sighed together.

“...and it was kinda like with any other stallion, actually. Just a different color scheme.” Pinkie said.

“Ha!” Rainbow shouted. “Pedipalps my flank! I knew Cheerilee was talking out her ass!”

Suddenly, a door opened, and slammed shut outside. The mares all zipped their lips. They had learned from experience that pony voices tended to annoy their captors, and when these changelings got annoyed, things could get very unpleasant very fast. A black shape filled Pinkie’s view, pressing right up near her pod. Rolling her eyes, Pinkie pressed up against the back of the pod. Sometimes, her guards liked to taunt her through the shell, sticking their faces right up to it and hissing. More annoying than scary, but she could only imagine what it was doing to Fluttershy. Poor mare must have been scared out of her mind.

As expected, a pair of black hooves appeared along the shell. As not expected, the fluid started draining from her prison. Pinkie looked around, eyebrows hunched in confusion. What were they up to out there?

Then the fluid drained away.

A changeling peered in at her, and appeared to be…smiling? That couldn’t be right, at least she thought so until he vanished in a gout of green flame. A certain small changeling peered in at her, a thin smile revealing his one chipped fang.

She gasped, bolted up to press her muzzle against the wall. “BAITY!” She screamed, hammering her hooves against the inside wall of her prison.

He tilted his face, pointing to an ear and shaking his head. Oh shoot, really? He still couldn’t hear her? Maybe the goo had something to do wit hit.

He loudly and carefully mouthed “I’M GONNA GETCHA OUT,” but of course to her ears it sounded more like “MM OOAAH ITTA OWW,” but she got the message.

She beamed. Her mane immediately poofing out, splattering the remnants of the goop in it all over the inside of the pod. “He believes me…” she whispered to herself, face beaming out at him.

He smiled back, a hoof pressing up against hers in the pod. Over his shoulder, she could see Switch across the cell, repeating the same motion with Flutters, as...as another changeling came up behind him with a dagger HOLY SHIT NO!

“BAAAAIIITT!” She screamed, frantically pointing. Bait’s eyes widened. Fortunately, his first reaction was to duck and roll, dodging the point of a battle axe that promptly glanced off the front of Pinkie’s pod. She let out a scream so high-pitched it was honestly surprising the pod didn’t shatter from it. One of the armored changelings darted across her field of view, fangs bared. She let out another scream as the newcomer scooped Bait up, grabbing a forehoof in his grip and using it as a lever to slam him face-first against the pod, smooshing his face out. He smeared along the translucent front.

“Y-you can do it, Bait!” She shrieked. “Get back there and kick his butt!”

He smiled, then was yanked back, circling around. His head obviously spinning, he held up his forehooves to defend, only to be met with a series of jabs and strikes all along his body. Pinkie knew she had to help!

“EEP! Bait! Hit him with your left! Know, your other left! Okay just roll with that hit...don’t literally roll...ooh, oh that looked like it hurt. Well, with that last hit, at least your smile will probably even out now, right?”

He was smooshed up against the pod again. One eye was swollen. Blood traced down along his lip. Behind him, Switch wasn’t doing much better, trying to fend off the other stallion while minding the dagger now sticking out of his shoulder. The smaller changeling looked helplessly up at her.

“Bait...” she whimpered.

His gaze widened at her, then his muzzle curled up in determination as he roared, pressing off with his front hooves to add to the force of his hind hoof meeting with the other changeling’s jaw. The bandaged wound in his shoulder tore, fluorescent green blood trickling out behind him as he kicked off her pod with a roar, slamming a tornado kick right into the assailant’s face. The armored changeling, still stunned from the first hit, had been wide-open, his head twisting violently with the blow before he fell to the ground, unconscious.

“Woah.” Pinkie said as Bait stood on his hindlegs, breath heaving. “I am so wide-open right now.”

She looked past him. Switch was standing on the other side of the room, jaw open, a hoof still resting on the hilt of the dagger protruding from his shoulder. The other armored stallion matched his expression. After a moment, Switch turned to his own assailant and delivered a kick to his head, knocking him out instantly. Even from inside her prison, she could hear him shout:

“DDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!”

Bait instantly crumbled to his knees. “HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT…”

Switch ran up to his friend, sweeping him up in a hug so the pair could bounce around in circles together, all the while laughing and gallivanting about and ignoring the copious amounts of blood now leaking from their bodies and spraying the tile.

Pinkie jumped up and down with them, hooping and hollering, so excited she barely noticed the jet of blood that sprayed the front of her pod until she settled and noticed the pair had collapsed on the ground.

She paused, took in the blood spatters, and immediately facehooved. “Ohhh…you idiots.”

Next Chapter: Chapter XLIV: The Plot Revealed Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 16 Minutes
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