The Princess was in bed reading a copy of Playcolt. This was an issue the one she had been waiting months for. The Princess quickly flipped to the page that contained what she wanted. It was a full nude picture of her favorite model, Fleur de Lis. She looked over the picture with longing eyes, slowly running her hoof down under her blanket...

"Princess Celestia, there is a giant monster rampaging through Manehattan!" A Royal Guard called out as he ran into the her chambers.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" The alicorn demanded, pulling her hoof quickly out from under her covers. Both the guard and the Princess were blushing heavily.

"T-This situation requires your immediate attention, your majesty." The Guard stammered.

Princess Celestia rolled her eyes and rolled out of bed. "What type of monster? A dragon? A hydra? A giant, muscular reincarnation of Discord?"

"Huh? No, we handled Discord last week, remember?" The Guard pointed out.

"Oh yes. Thank you for reminding me. So what's the problem this time?" Celestia asked.

"It will be explained in the situation room. Let us get a move along, Princess." The Guard stated, much to the Princesses annoyance.

'He's still a rookie, he has yet to learn his place,' Celestia thought to herself.

"Dear Celestia..." Sweetie Belle muttered, looking down at Spike, who was still bleeding an unconscious. Beside her was her two friends, Scootaloo and Applebloom. All three of them looked down at Spike with worried gazes.

"Twilight beat im' worse than that time Applejack caught me playin doc wit Pipsqueak." Applebloom stated, rubbing her flank from the memories of the brutal lashings she has received from her sister.

"Ah told ya ta keep it in teh family!" She could remember Applejack yelling at her as she whipped her flank something fierce.

"We need to take him to the hospital." Scootaloo stated. "Look at that massive crack in his scales. That's not supposed to be there."

"That's is' butt, Scoots." Applebloom pointed out.

Scootaloo shook her head and pointed her hoof at his head. "That crack, Applebloom."

"Oh." Applebloom said simply.

"Come on, let's go get some help." Sweetie Belle said. Applebloom nodded and the two started walking out, however, Scootaloo stayed behind.

"Come on Scootaloo!" Applebloom called out to her, but Scootaloo shook her head.

"Maybe we can get our cutie marks by helping him." Scootaloo suggested.

The three shared a few glances, before jumping up and screaming "HOT NURSE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS YAY!" in unison.

"Pinkie?!" Twilight called out as she entered the Sugar Cube Corner. The lights, for some reason or another, were off. Twilight felt for around for a light switch. When the lights switched , she was met by a barrage of baked goods.

"Go away! No humans allowed!" Pinkie shouted, showering Twilight with cupcakes, cakes, and pies.

"Pinkie! Stop!" Twilight pleaded, using her magic to create a force field to protect her the incoming pastries.

"Twilight?!" Pinkie asked, surprised. Pinkie dropped the pie she was about to throw and walked up to Twilight, who was covered horn to hoof in various cakes, cupcakes, and pies. "How do I know that you are the real Twilight?"

"I like to read." Twilight said.

Pinkie facehoofed. "Well no buck." She said.

"I... I like to clop. Is that good enough?" Twilight inquired.

"Everypony likes to clop." Pinkie pointed out.

"Ugh... I had an affair with Princess Celestia, and you are the only pony I told..." Twilight said quietly.

"Hmm... and she could have told other ponies, you know-"

"Pinkie, it's me!" Twilight shouted, facehoofing.

"Twlight! It really is you!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "I was afraid you were the Old Spice Guy using his black magic to disguise himself as you."

"Wait, you already know about the Old Spice Guy?" Twilight inquired.

"Uh huh. Haven't you seen the commercials?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"No... wait, what are commercials?!" Twilight demanded.

"Heck if I know. So, what do you need Twilight? Want some cupcakes?" Pinkie asked,

"No... well... maybe one," Twilight said, taking one of the cupcakes and stuffing it in her mouth. After chewing and swallowing it, she continued speaking, "but anyways, we need to gather the elements and stop the Old Spice Guy!",

"Because Apple Spice is better?" Pinkie asked.

"No, because... they're different from us." Twilight stated.

Pinie raised a brow. "Seriously? Did you just say that?" She asked.

"What?"

"Just... just go Twilight. You don't know how much that hurts."

"What?" Twilight repeated.

"I'm part Zebra, dumb buck!"

"Oh... you didn't steal any of my books, right?"

"Twilight... just get out." Pinkie said, pointing her hoof at the door. "I'll join you later."

Twilight nodded, wanting to get the buck out of there before Pinkie killed her as she galloped out the door, screaming bloody murder.

"Rare, why did Ah let ya convince me to accompany you to watch Swayback Mountain with ya?" Applejack asked her friend Rarity as they trotted out of the Cinema. "Ya'll weren't planin' to try anythin, were ya?"

"What? You know I don't partake in such uncouth activities." Rarity exclaimed, her eyes darting around suspiciously.

"Really? Ya'll wanna tell me why ya were running your hoof down my-"

"Hello ladies," Isaiah Mustafa greeted, interrupting Applejack, "may I introdu ce you to new mares scented Old Spice Body Wash. Look to the mare beside you, now look back at me. Behold," he exclaimed, holding out a bottle labelled "NEW! Mares Scented Old Spice Body Wash" to the two mares, "the body wash that will help you attract all the colts you-"

"My word! Applejack, he's bigger than Big Mac!" Rarity exclaimed, pointing at his crotch. Isaiah looked down to find that his towel had fallen, and he had exposed himself to these ponies in public.

"Sugarcube, ya'll sure he ain't a tripod?" Applejack inquired.

"That isn't a leg, trust me Applejack." Rarity assured her companion.

"Uh huh, and ya said that ya don't take part in those activities." Applejack stated sternly.

"Um... kind sir, I have noticed your clothing isn't exactly... efficient." Rarity pointed out, hoping to change the subject. "You're coming with me right now to get you changed into some proper clothing, and I won't take no for an answer!"

"But, Old Spicy Body Wash!" Isaiah protested. Rarity, however, didn't listen, as she pulled the hairless ape away, leading him towards her boutique.

"What in tarnation just happened?" A severely confused Applejack asked herself as she walked away in the direction of the Sugar Cube Corner.