"Greetings, my children," Black Jesus chirped, "I hope your day is well."

"Recently, I have been receiving complaints from some people about how badly Spike is abused. So, I would like to make some things clear."

"First off, not even Old Spice cares Spike. He is literally a waste of matter and space, and is an embarrassment to the glory and holiness of Old Spice. Secondly, while we do not condone the abuse of children, we, as in me and the writers of this fanfiction, do find it hilarious."

"Thank you, and enjoy Chapter Twenty." Black Jesus stated, before waving goodbye.

[Note - The opinions of Black Jesus is... oh hell, even lawyers hate Spike. We won't get fined for this.]

Princess Celestia looked down at the bloodied body of her nephew, who was executed by two unknown humans the day before. Her secret police unit that was assigned to protecting Blueblood was practically wiped out, and the humans escaped. Worse yet, the assailants got away with plenty of secret government and Apple Spice documents, as well as over five hundred thousand bits.

"Guard, I want this mess cleaned up. And tell General Ironhoof I need to schedule an emergency meeting with him." Celestia said to the rookie who had seemed to become her personal assistant since Chapter Three.

"Yes ma'am! Shall I get the scotch as well?" The rookie inquired.

"Yes, get me some scotch." Celestia said.

"On the rocks?" The rookie asked.

"Of course I want it on the fucking rocks! Now hurry up!" Celestia shouted at the rookie, sending him galloping out of the room.

"What's on the menu, Jesus?" Rainbow Dash asked as she walked into the kitchen, where Black Jesus was getting out a bunch of plates.

"The holiest of breakfasts, that God himself lusts to eat." Black Jesus answered, as his hands shot up into the air and started glowing a dark aura, as Jesus used his black magic to summon a stack of pancakes for each plate, as well as bacon and multiple bottles of the Apply families premium grade apple juice. He levitated the plates and bottles over to the dining room and set them out in front of those gathered there.

Rainbow Dash poked at the bacon cautiously. "What is this?"

"Bacon, try it." Black Jesus responded.

Rainbow Dash glanced at Black Jesus, who was wearing a smug smile, before take a small bite of the bacon. Her eyes widened and she spat it out, rubbing her tongue in a desperate attempt to make the flavor go away.

"DAFUQ?!" Rainbow Dash shouted, glaring at Black Jesus, who was now laughing heartily to her dismay.

"Disciple Pinkie Pie has told me about how much of a prankster you are. I have decided to get involved and give you a prank you shall not soon forget." Black Jesus said, before replacing everyones bacon (besides the humans bacon) with vegetarian sausage.

"So where is it that we travel to next?" Luna inquired, before biting into one of her pancakes.

"Old Spice, in all its glory, has made it known to me that we must travel to Las Pegas, where corruption and sin is rampant, and Apple Spice and Celestia's influence is still strong." Black Jesus stated. "My brother, Steroids Man, is currently there, and Bruce Campbell and Rarity is meeting with the managers of Dethklok and Depeche Mode to arrange the times and accommodations for the show. Depeche Mode jumped on right away, but to get Dethklok to play, I had to promise that they would get to choose how Celestia gets executed."

"I GUARANTEE IT WILL BE THE MOST BRUTAL DEATH EVER, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!" Billy Mays proclaimed, earning an annoyed glance from 60's era Spiderman.

And then, Spidermans cell phone began to ring.

"Hello?" Spiderman answered.

"Spiderman? This is the New York Police Department. Someone broke into your house. It doesn't appear like anything is missing, however. The place is just turned upside down." A police officer stated.

"Someone was obviously looking for the fuck I never gave, officer. This is the twentieth time this has happened, if you bothered to look in your records." Spiderman said, before hanging up the phone, flipping it the bird, and shoving it down in his suits seemingly non-existent right pocket.

"Why can't these people just understand that I don't give any fucks whatsoever!?" Spiderman demanded from those who were seated around them.

"PEOPLE ARE- Sorry, force of habit. People are just very stupid." Billy Mays stated.

"Look at my hand, Billy! LOOK AT MY FUCKING HAND! What do you see in my hand?!" Spiderman demanded.

"Nothing." Billy Mays answered.

"Exactly! This represents the fucks I give. THEY! DON'T! EXIST!" Spiderman shouted, before drinking down his apple juice in one go.

"Does thou feel better?" Luna inquired, concerned.

"Yeah. I needed that." Spiderman stated.

"Are you done yet? This hangover isn't sitting over well..." Rainbow Dash muttered. Half the ponies at the table nodded in agreement.

Spiderman jumped up on the table and leaned down, pushing his face against Rainbow Dashes snout. "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! NOT ONE, SINGLE FUCK!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"My brother... are you finished yet?" Black Jesus asked, starting to get annoyed by Spidermans behavior.

Spiderman climbed off the table, took a deep breath, and sat back down. "Yeah... I'm done..."

"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!" Billy Mays proclaimed, "THE LORD BLACK JESUS HAS DEEMED YOU ALL WORTHY TO BE A PART OF THE SPREADING OF THE WORD OF OLD SPICE!"

"BEHOLD! THE BRAND FUCKING NEW GROUP DEVOTED TO SPREADING THE WORD OF OLD SPICE! IT IS CALLED THE CHURCH OF OLD SPICE! JOIN NOW, OR YOU WILL ROT IN HELL FOR ETERNITY, FORCED TO GET AXED FOR ALL ETERNITY!"

"For those who do not know," Spiderman began, walking beside Billy Mays, "axed is when you get maced with axe. Like so!" Spiderman reached into one of his non-existent pockets and pulled out a bottle of axe, the devils deodorant and body wash, and sprayed it in Billy Mays face. Billy started screaming in agony, covering his eyes and running back and forth, before he ran straight into a wall, causing him to fall to the ground, unconscious.