Spitfire,the blazing leader of the Wonderbolts, gold medalist of the Equestria Games, dean of the Wonderbolts Academy, such an accomplished mare was...very bored!

She was laying her head on her desk and sighed. That's when Soarin and Fleetfoot came in.

"Hey Spitfire, wanna..." Soarin then paused. "...You feeling alright?"

"I'm bored, that's all."

"Well, we're gonna go to the arcade."

"You go ahead, I don't feel like it!"

"Well, maybe..."

"No! It's as if the fire in my name has burnt out! I am soooo bored!"

"Huh...well, maybe it's time for you to go out there and meet someone new."

"I'm not looking to get banged thank you!"

"What? No, I didn't *yawn* mean anything like that! What I meant is, go into some town and maybe find a friend who can reignite the fire in Spitfire...but not in the sexual way, just some good clean fun between new friends.*yawn!*"

"Are you okay Soarin?" Asked Fleetfoot.

"In every episode I've been in, I have bags in my eyes! It's evident I don't *yawn* don't get a lot of sleep because I'm so overworked!"

"Then why did you agree to come with me to the arcade?"

"Because we're frie..." Then Soarin fell on the floor and slept.

"Huh, he might be onto something."

"Where are you gonna go Captain?"

"I haven't really hanged out with Rainbow Dash that much, maybe she knows some fun ponies."

"Isn't she friends with that hyper pink pony?"

"I was never properly introduced to any of her friends...I'm gonna pay Ponyville a visit! 1st, I'll have my temp clear my schedule for Friday and Saturday!" Then she moved her mouth to Soarin's ear. "SECOND IN COMMAND, CLEAR MY SCHEDULE WILL YAH?!!!"

"Aaaaah! Y-yes Ma'am!"

"Thanks, see you 2 Monday."

She walked out while Soarin looked dizzy from the yell.

Friday came and Spitfire was ready for the train ride.

"Thank Celestia those ponies over there are killing and drinking the blood of that stupid teenage girl who's singing a song about Friday."

She walked on the train and sighed as she took a seat. She wondered who'd she run into in such a small town...then again, Princess Twilight Sparkle lives there.

'If I don't find something good, maybe I'll try getting drunk.'

Soon, she got off the train and here she was, Ponyville, that's when she heard something in the bushes.

'What the-?'

"Dammit, why did my Friday morning have to be ruined?" Complained a certain dragon.

Spitfire watched a small purple dragon walk out. "Uh..."

"Whooooooooa! You're Spitfire! Captain of the Wonderbolts!" Spike said in a happy voice. "Consider my ruined morning fixed since I get to meet you!"

"Uh, thanks. And you are?"

"Spike the dragon, at your service!"

"Now that I look at you...you like that dragon who saved the Equestria Games!"

"Ah! I'm sorry for butchering the Cloudsdale Anthem! I was trying to find a way to make up for the embarrassing display I had during the lighting of the torch!" Spike then jumped back into the bush.

"Hey!" Spitfire looked into the bush.

"I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!"

Then ponies noticed the commotion.

"Hey, is Spitfire bullying Spike?"

"She must still be a little mad about the Equestria Games."

"Hey! Just because you're a celebrity, doesn't give you the right to push others around!"

"YEAAAAAAH!!!" Shouted Bulk Biceps as more and more citizens came and yelled at her.

"What? No! It's not like that!" she tried explaining.

"Yeah, and then you're gonna say business business numbers business."

"What Thunderlane?"

"Sorry, my little bro had Lego Movie on last night."

"Look people, I'm not..."

"Enough!" Shouted Twilight.

Everyone turned to the princess.

"Finally, a sensible pony."

"What seems to be the problem here?"

"Twilight, she's bullying you're more or less, son!"

"I'm not, I told this little guy I recognized him from the Equestria Games, then he runs and still currently in this bush!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow and looked in the bush. "Spike?" She said with a gentle voice. "Momma's here."

"Technically you're like a sister and mom." he corrected.

"Same thing, now come out, Spitfire won't hurt you."

'Well, can't say I'm bored, but what the fuck is wrong with this town?' Spitfire thought.

Spike popped back out. He then hugged Twilight, making everyone go awwww.

"Uh, so can I speak?" asked Spitfire.

"Yes...what is your business here?" Asked Twilight.

"Well...I was wondering if I can make a new friend here in town."

"Good, you can be friends with Spike. Spike, show her around, I gotta fight a giant monster with the girls."

"Okay."

'That was fast.'

Spike then walked up to Spitfire.

'Wow, what bad luck, I scare a kid, get bad mouthed by the citizens and then thrown into babysitting.'

"Care for a tour?"

"Show me the fun spots."

"Consider it done."

Spike then took her by the hoof and off they went!

Meanwhile...

*Bang* *Bang* "Don't do it Snips, you dumbass!" Called Applebloom.

Snips was in the bathroom, staring at the mirror...

"Bologna...bologna...."

"Nooooooooo!"

"Bologna!"

Then there was a loud rumbling in the Apple Family's house!

"You idiot! You've unleashed the Bologna Man into this world! Now he's gonna kill us all!"

And that's when AB heard it...

"Bologna....bologna...believe in the Bologna Maaaaan, catch him if you caaaaan." A little girl holding a jack in the box chanted.

Now back to Spike and Spitfire where made it to their 1st stop.

"Here's our 1st stop, Sugarcube Corner."

"A sweets shop?"

"Best Sweet Shop in town, come-on, I'll pay for you."

"Well, if you're buying."

Spitfire followed Spike in.

"Hi Spike, what can I get ya?" asked Carrot Cake.

"I'll have some lemon muffin, Spitfire, what would you like?"

"Guess I'll have some snickerdoodles and a soda."

"I'll get those right away...and Spike?"

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Your date is hot."

"What was that dear?" Said Cup Cake.

"But she's not as sexy as you, wanna take a little 'break' after I finish with these 2?"

"Consider it a date."

Then as the married couple said sweet things to each other, Spitfire sat there mouth agape.

"Damn, they are........some couple."

"I know, despite being middle aged, are always so horny for each other. Though it's a good thing this place is also their house, that way Mr.Cake is never the kind of husband who says not now honey, I'm tired from work."

"Huh."

Then Carrot Cake gave them their sweets with Spike giving him the bits. Then Carrot Cake picked up Cupcake and off they were to their bedroom.

Spitfire and Spike took a seat to eat.

"Dang, these are the best cookies I've ever had!"

"Told ya."

After finishing they left, but as soon as they were outside.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!"

"And again, Carrot Cake satisfies Cup Cake."

"Please tell me this isn't everyday."

"Only when they're doing it aggressively, now come-on, let's get to the next place."

Meanwhile...

"NO!" Shouted Bulk Biceps as he ran around his house in fear

"I'M THE BOLOGNA MAN!!!"

Then Spike made it to their 2nd stop.

"Why are we at somepony's cottage?"

"So we feed and then pet a bear."

"Pet a bear? Did you hit your head or something?"

"Spitfire, don't worry, this pony can communicate with all animals."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Then Spike knocked on the door. It opened to show Fluttershy. "Hey Fluttershy, mind letting Spitfire here get up close and personal with the animals in your backyard?"

"Oh, I don't see why not." smiled the pegasus.

They followed her to the backyard. "Oh everyone." She called in a sweet tone.

Then mammals, birds, reptiles, and insects all emerged as Fluttershy sang.

Spitfire was impressed as a bear walked over. She tried her best not to look scared.

"Don't worry, he's really nice."

"You're the animal expert, I should trust you."

Spitfire then laid a hoof on the bear's head. She tensed up, but saw the bear nuzzle against her hoof. "Huh..." Then she rubbed her hoof on his cheeks and smiled! "Now you're just a big 'ol Teddy Bear, aren't you?"

He growled and moved closer before hugging her while standing up.

"You're are the cutest bear I've ever met! Spike, take our picture."

Spike pulled out a camera and took a shot.

"So, want to hug alligators and wolves next?"

"Yeah!"

After cuddling with dangerous animals, Spike and Spitfire were off to another place, Town Hall where Big Mac was giving a speech, unaware of the oncoming threat.

"And as my final notice-" That's when he was interrupted as the lights went out and the little girl began chanting Bologna man!

"What the? Come-on!"

"Why is she saying Bologna man?"

"I'M THE BOLOGNA MAN!!!".

Then everyone began running around town hall, trying to avoid getting killed by Bologna Man.

We now cut back to Spike and Spitfire. They went in...but all was quiet...and smelled like luncheon meat.

"What the?"

"Spike, is Town Hall usually so creepy?"

"No, shouldn't the Mayor be in today or some..." That's when the doors slammed shut!

"Ok, now I'm scared."

Then they heard the chanting of Bologna Man.

"Dammit Snips!"

"Who?"

"An idiot, I told he'll die if he summons Bologna Man, but noooooooo, he decided to disprove it! Now he's dead, and everyone else will die too! You stay hidden while I trap Bologna Man on the 3rd floor."

"What're you gonna do?"

"Burn down Town Hall with Bologna Man in it!"

"What! Are you insane!"

"I'm a dragon, I will survive the fire!"

"Well what about anypony else, including me!"

"Fine, you will find survivors and have them help you push the doors open while I fight the stupidest horror movie monster ever!"

"But he's a living piece of meat, can't he take the heat?"

"You forget I'm a dragon."

"You're gonna eat him?!"

"Yep!"

"That can't be good for you."

"Iron Stomach, now good luck!"

"So brave..." She ran off.

Spike then saw him. "Alright you, prepare to become lunch!"

The creature laughed.

"Don't think I can do it huh? Look around, no windows or doors, and who will taste better when cooked?"

The Bologna man then readied himself.

Spike charged. He then shot fire at the walls, floor, ceiling, and of course at Bologna Man!

The monster cried out and tried running. But no, the fire was spreading fast!

Meanwhile, Spitfire was getting survivors of the attack to the exit!

"Alright everypony, on the count of 3, we push the door down!"

The pushed with all thier might, but then Derpy noticed the door handle and pressed it! Causing everyone to fall over.

"We did it!"

Spitfire shook her head and looked at the building. Green flames came from the 3rd floor and then began spreading to the rest of the building. "Spike!"

Spike then shoved Bologna Man's face into some fire and then cut that cooked part of him off! Then Spike pulled out some bread, lettuce, mayonnaise and mustard then ate the sandwich! This made Bologna Man angry.

"What's wrong Oscar? Can't take the heat?"

He growled and tried swinging at the dragon.

That's when Spike cut off another cooked part of Bologna Man and ate it! "Mmm, not bad." he grinned. Spike then finished the Bologna Man off by cartoonishly widening his jaw and swallowing him in one gulp!

"Nice and spicy."

Then the entire building came down with Spike inside.

"SPIKE!" Spitfire then ran to the rubble! Despite it being very hot, she was furiously digging with her bare hooves! "Spike! Spike!"

Spike then popped his head out. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Spike!" Spitfire grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.

"I know, I'm a babe magnet, now let's get out of this rubble."

"Spike, this was one fun day."

"Sweet, now let's go to my place, I'll set up a guest room for you."

"Thanks." Then Spitfire hugged him. "That was more manly than Soarin."

"Heh, well you learn to get tough with a sis like Twilight."

"Well tough guy...feel like coming to my guest room tonight?"

"Why miss Spitfire, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Yes."

"I like that."

And then they went to Twilight's Castle to turn up the heat.

Next Chapter: spike and may (female g3 spike) Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 25 Minutes