"This isn't good." sighed Twilight.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked.

"Queen Chrysalis and the Changelings are issuing a total war! Who knows how many their are, what if we lose?" Then Spike and Twilight's thoughts were simultaneous!

Meanwhile in the Dragonlands...

Princess Ember sat on a stone pillar while looking at the clouds.

"Being dragonlord...why are my subjects scattered across Equestria?" That's when she burped a letter! "Woah, that came out of nowhere."

She then read the letter. "A war next week with the changelings?! Grr, I hate those guys, they almost got my dad.....'but, maybe I can...be greedy a little with this one...' " Then Dragon Lord Ember jumped off the big hard piller...that's what she said...

Dick Joke count: 1.

Yes, toys and girks, it's gonna be that story.

She spread her wings before flying through the air.

A long time later...

She panted and landed near the castle while wiping the sweat from her head.

"Wow, this castle is huge and tasty."

Dick Joke Count: 2.

She then went in.

"You can throw a carrot down this hall and wouldn't even make it to the middle."

Dick joke count: 3.

That's when she bumped into Starlight Glimmer.

"Oh, hello there-DRAGON!" she jumped.

Spike then exited his room. "Whoa there Starlight don't worry, she's just a friend."

"Oh...phew...I'm Starlight Glimmer."

"Hey Starlight Glimmer, I'm Dragon Lord Ember."

As they shuck hoof and claw.

'How come I don't like this girl being with Spike?' Starlight thought.

'How come I feel I should take Spike from this chick?' Ember thought.

They were both unsure of why they didn't want the other to have Spike.

"So Ember, what brings you here?"

"Oh, I was here to confirm that me and my dragon subjects will assist you with the war against Queen Chrysalis."

They jumped in victory!

"Yeaaah!"

"But..."

"But what?" They then fell on their butts.

"I want something in return."

"What?"

"Heh...what can I say? I wanted to get greedy with this one since you know, this isn't Twilight asking for facts."

"Just tell us what it is."

"Spike...I is there a level beyond friends?"

"Yeah...it's called...romance..why?"

"What's romance like? Can you teach me?"

"Uh, that might be a little hard."

"How? What is romance?"

"It's a thing that couples do..."

Ember blushed. "Oh...so romance is mating?"

Then Spike blushed. "No! It's not like that...I mean sure ponies will get at that level, but...they'll have to work for it...show the one they love some truth, trust, and have something go beyond just liking..."

"Oh."

"So...if you'd like...I could teach you what a date is like..."

"A date? Never heard of it."

"It's where we'd go out by ourselves and talk about ourselves."

"That's all?"

"Well, we also go out and do fun stuff, look cute, see if we're compatible, sometimes even wear cute clothes..."

"Cute clothes?"

"Never done that either?"

"Well, no..."

"And if the date goes well...the couple shares a...kiss..."

"Oh, I know what a kiss is, my dad used to kiss me goodnight all the time when I was little."

"Well, couples do a different kiss."

"Not on the cheek."

"Then where?"

"We..."

"Yes?"

"We touch lips together..." Spike then shielded his face.

Ember blushed even brighter. "Is that so?"

"Yes, you're gonna punch now, are you?"

"It'll depend if this date thing goes bad."

'Oh boy.'

"Yeah...if this is a failure, we might team-up with the changelings and help penetrate your defenses and plow that hole hard!"

Dick joke count: 4 and 5.

Spike was very scared.

"So good luck with showing me a good time." But before Ember could leave.

"Wait...before you go, you have to agree to my terms..."

"Which are..."

Later...

'This is so degrading...' She thought.

Spike had asked Fluttershy for some clothes that could fit Ember, and not just any clothes...the girliest and cutest clothes she could find in her wardrobe.

Right now she was in a frilly sundress colored pink with a matching hat. She also had a bracelet with a butterfly design on it and some pink flip flops.

"Wow...you...look...adorable..." Spike said as he was dressed in a green plaid button shirt with a black T-shirt under, khaki shorts and red sneakers.

"S-Shut up." she turned away with a blush.

"Well...shall we go now?" Spike asked as he took Ember's hand.

"We can have some fun 1st before getting a snack."

"Sounds fair."

They then find themselves at the bowling alley.
"What is this place? Why is it so loud?"

"Why are you dragons only interested in stealing treasure? This is a bowling alley, here we have balls roll down the lanes and knock down the pins."

"Sounds stupid."

"You're just being a sadsack, now come-on, I'll show you how fun it is." He walked over and grabbed one of the balls. "Here, take this ball."

"What are these holes for?"

"So you can grip the ball better."

"Wait, why would ponies need that if they don't even have fingers?"

"Maybe a creature with fingers invented game."

"Now that's just crazy talk."

"Just roll the ball."

"Fine." Ember then stood, and reeled her arm back. Spike then put his hand on her's. "What are you doing?"

"I'm showing you how...now...gently..." he carefully showed her how to move her arm back and move it up.

"And then you let go." Spike told her softly, and Ember following what he said.

They watched as the ball rolled down the lane. And then it knocked down all of the pins!

"Great job, you got a strike on your 1st try..."

"..." No response.

"Ember?"

She didn't pay attention, she looked at the back of her hand.

"What's wrong?"

"A boy never held my hand before."

"Oh, uh...s-sorr..."

"I liked holding your hand." she reached down and held it with a blush.

Spike blushed at this. 'Wh-wh-wh...wh-wh-what's happening?! Aw-man, didn't think I'd be getting a girl with attitude to act so cute!'

'My face feels so warm.'

Spike and Ember stared and blushed...but then...

"Well...wanna go get a snack?"

"Sounds fine, but...what kind of gems do ponies eat?"

"Rock candy..." Spike joked.

"I'm serious."

"Well..." He then thought to the Pie Family eating rocks and then shook his head. "Sorry Ember, no gems, but there are a lot of baked goods."

"And those are?"

"Ever had cupcakes, muffins, or brownies?"

"No...but I did once eat knee of someone's brother, a...bro knee...does that count?"

"NO!"

"Whoa...sorry."

"Just follow me."

Spike and Ember then went to Sugarcube Corner.

"What's that thing on top of the building?"

"Ah, it's a cupcake design."

"That's what a cupcake looks like?"

"Yeah, why?"

"There's something wrong about the shape."

Dick joke count: 6.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing..." She then looked away from him as they entered the building.

"Hi Spike." greeted Carrot Cake.

"Hey Mr.Cake, we've got someone who's never had cupcakes and muffins before."

That's when Carrot Cake went white.

"Ah!"

"What's wrong?"

"Spike, you brought an energy that dangerous here?!"

That's when the building began to violently shake!

"I can only handle one force, NOT BOTH!!!" Carrot Cake shouted.

That's when Cupcake arrived with the babies in saddlebags.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYPONY, WE'RE CLOSED!!!"

"What's going on Spike?"

That's when as everyone fled the bakery, an enraged Pinkie Pie and Derpy blew the building away with thier fucking power!

"WHAT!?"

"Pinkie...Derpy....calm down...you have royalty here...who's also my date."

"Really?"

Spike nodded.

"Yes, I am Dragonlord Ember...nice to meet you Pinkie and Derpy."

"Wow! I didn't know we'd have another princess coming!" bounced Pinkie.

"But...I'm not a princess anymore, I'm a lord."

"Even better!"

"And look Derpy, she's got a perfect face for Fluttershy's clothes."

"I know right? She's so cute!" Spike added.

Ember blushed from all the attention. That's when she had a muffin and cupcake shoved into her face.

"Now eat up!"

Ember ate the muffin and cupcake and that's when..."Mmmm....so yummy!" She then made cute nomming sounds before she realized what she just did. "Uh...ignore that!"

"I'll listen because you're dragonlord, but not them."

The two mares giggled.

She then had a huge annoyance from the 2 mares. Then Ember noticed the sun was going down... "Uh...hey Spike, isn't the sun beginning to go down?"

"Well yeah."

"Great!" then she took his hand. "I'm somewhat satisfied."

"Somewhat?"

"Yes, I enjoyed the date you took me on and I'll happily reward you once the war begins."

Spike looked at her with bullshit eyes. "It's only 6:30, we still got time before it's night."

"Hmm, good point."

"Ooh! I know where you should go!" Derpy suggested. "You both got 7 gym badges, why don't you get your 8th at Sunyshore City Gym?"

"That's in the Pokemon universe and in Sinnoh..."

"Oh..."

"Now for my suggestion!" Pinkie then bounced.

"What is it?"

"You planning on kissing on the 1st date?"

Ember nodded.

"Well you should go to makeout point, where all the kids have a cool as cocks....I mean cucumbers kiss."

Dick joke count: 7.

"Pinkie!" blushed Spike.

"What's make out?" Asked Ember.

"That's a passionate series of kisses between 2 or 3 beings." Pinkie explained. "You wanna try it?"

"Yes."

"Whuh?"

"Later that day..." Said Pinkie and Derpy.

It was nighttime and Spike and Ember were walking down the road to Makeout Point.

"Surprised Ponyville even has a makeout point." Spike said as they walked by parked carriages that were shaking a lot...

"So Pinkie and Derpy told us to go to the head of makeout point known as Mushroom Top, was it?"
Dick joke count: 8.

"Yeah, but they say the path up to it is really long and thick."

Dick joke count: 9.

"Though...it'll be worth it once we make it up there to kiss..." Spike was sweating.

"Eager aren't we?" she teased.

Spike stayed silent, but that's when...

"Hey, what's that nerd doing with the camera?"

"Huh?"

Then they say Poindexter, the nerdy stallion in charge of the perfume counter in the market place. He had a camera ready to take pictures of saucy action. "With this new lens, I'm gonna get a shot so great, it'll be as if I was standing right there next to them!"

Spike sighed as Ember walked over and grabbed the stallion by the neck.

"Hurk!"

"You making porn nerd? Guess what? All the girls here are gonna touch you, really hard!" Then she shouted to everyone. "Hey girls! This nerd's trying to take pictures!"

"WHAT!"

"N-now girls...please don't hurt me, I'll give you free perfume?"

Then they all cracked their...wait...do ponies even have knuckles? Eh, let's just say they didn't care and proceeded to stomp on him.

"AHH!"

"Beat this little guy to a pulp!"

"Yeah, and beat the nerd harder also!"

Dick joke count: 10.

Spike and Ember eventually made it to the top of Makeout Point.

"Wow, this ground is softer and firmer than I thought." remarked Ember.

Dick joke count: 11.

"Yeah...feels kinda nice f-for my 1st kiss." He gulped as they faced each other.

"Spike, I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but, I loved this date."

"Yeah, me too."

She then gently held Spike as Ember pushed him down on his back. Ember then got down and their faces were so close to each other.

'This is it.'

Ember then closed her eyes and puckered her lips. He moved closer and their lips met.

'So this is what kissing on the lips is like? Mmmm...it feels so much better than a cheek, nose or forehead kiss!' Ember thought as she and Spike continued.

Both held the other without breaking it.

'I love the feeling of her scales on mine...it feels so...natural!' Spike thought.

They rubbed and hugged each other closer. Spike then took it a step further and stuck his tongue in her mouth.

She gasped and pulled back.

"S-sorry...there's another more passionate kiss that included touching tongues that I was gonna teach you...g-guess you don't need to learn it now."

"Maybe I should learn it now."

"What do you mean?"

"You're got hard and I want to have as much passion as you can give me." She said as Spike realized he had just flipped a switch that was half good, half bad.

'Uh oh.'

Sadly, Spike was never seen or heard from again after that night some say he got death by snu snu, some say Ember kidnapped him and made him a sex slave, some say Spike tried to escape Ember but accidentally fell to his death.......just kidding, Spike just began walking funny after their passionate lemon scene.

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