Chapter 3: Mare Talk

Rainbow kicked a rock as hard as she could as she made her way to the auction. This whole event was stupid! Sure, even she thought it was a cool idea to see a few good looking stallions on stage, maybe make a bid or two, but now it was more a torture for her. She gave a deep sigh as she entered the park where all the others mares of Ponyville were, ready to throw their bits away for a stallion, just like she was. All thanks to her stupid friends tricking her.

--

It was a few days after Mayor Mare had told them of her idea, and Applejack had convinced Mac to enter the auction. Twilight had suggested for them to all spend the night at the library so they could discuss and plan the event. The Elements of Harmony sat around the kitchen table in the library, but before any discussion could take place, Applejack had started to speak.

“Alright, girls. Ah’ve come to a conclusion. Some mare in town is goin to win that date with Big Macintosh, and Ah rather have it be one of y’all. So Ah’m given y’all permission to bid on ma brother,” she said, giving a nod of her head to reinforce the fact. Each of the girls looked at one another before looking back at Applejack, each one a little bit more confused than the other.

“I’m sorry, darling,” Rarity said, looking over at Twilight to see if she was as lost as she was, “but what do you mean you're giving us ‘permission’ to bid on Big Mac? Isn’t that our call to bid on him or not?” As she asked, Applejack gave her a glare so harsh, that Rarity let out a small Fluttershy like ‘eep’ at it.

“It’s either ya got ma permission, or Ah’m gonna buck yer flank into next week! So, which of ya wants to date ma brother?” Applejack scanned her friends, each looking terrified of Applejack... except for Pinkie Pie, who was happily eating another slice of the cake she had brought over. After a few seconds of silence Applejack slammed her hoof on the ground. “Well?!”

“Um... Applejack,” Twilight said, trying to keep her voice calm compared to her friends angered one. “Don’t you think you're protecting your brother a bit too much? I mean, you’re kind of doing the same thing he does when a stallion tries to ask you out.” Twilight tried to be a nice as possible as she said this, but she received a scathing glare for her trouble.

“Now what Ah do is different than what ma brother does! He has low self confidence and Ah don’t want to see no mare break his heart! He just wants to chase off stallions left and right because he don’t want to see his little sister growing up!” Applejack crossed her forelegs together and gave a snort. How could anypony think she was like her brother when it came to potential dates?!

“Well, what about that time Cherry Jubilee wanted to ask your brother out, and you chased her off the farm with a pitchfork?” Rarity asked, a hint of malice in her voice.

“Why are ya defending her?!” Applejack cried, “All she wanted was a roll in the hay with ma brother! She didn’t care fer him!”

“And the time you chased Cheerilee off the farm?” Twilight interjected, remembering the incident when she went to visit Applejack one day.

“Ah thought she was still under them effects of that love poison,” Applejack said, but she was not looking at Twilight this time, and her face was scrunched up.

“That was over three months ago, and you're lying about that. You are so bad at that,” Twilight said, rubbing her forehead seeing her friend’s tell tale signs of lying. It was because of these signs that they never played poker anymore.

“Alright, alright! So maybe Ah do protect ma brother a bit too much, but it’s just because Ah love him!” She grunted as she turned back to her friends. “So, which one of yall want’s to win that date then?” She scanned the room again her eyes falling on Fluttershy. “How about you Fluttershy? Ah reckon the two of ya might make a cute couple,” she said with a mischievous grin.

As soon as the conversation turned to her, Fluttershy’s eyes went wide in shock and she moved her head back so her pink mane would cover her face. “W-well I...I...I’m glad you think we would make a c-cute couple,” she stammered out. “But I don’t think it would work between us.” She looked down at the ground, her face bright red as Applejack just stared at her. In fact everypony in the room was now looking at Fluttershy with confusion.

“Wait…” Twilight started looking at her friend. “We all thought you had a crush on Big Mac.” In secret, many of them had thought that Fluttershy was a perfect match for the large work pony, seeing that they were so similar in many different ways. Fluttershy’s face only got redder as she ducked further behind her mane.

“I-it’s not like I don’t like him...he’s very nice and... good looking, but I...well…” Her face was now a brighter shade of red than any apple Sweet Apple Acres had ever produced. Nopony seemed to be able to understand what was going on, all except Rarity who let off a dramatic gasp.

“You have a crush on somepony!” she exclaimed, making Fluttershy jump. “Oh, you simply must tell us who it is! That way we can invite them to the auction and you can bid on him!” Rarity trotted over to her friend and gave her a hug. “Oh, this is so exciting! Tell us, tell us, tell us!” Fluttershy just sat there looking at Rarity, her lower lip quivering a bit out of nervousness.

“Come on Sugarcube, ya can tell us,” Applejack, trying to sound less manic than Rarity was. Fluttershy just looked around at each one of her friends, scared of what they might think.

Finally taking a deep breath she whispered the stallion’s name. Each one of her friends were staring at her, unblinking and completely focused on the all so shy mare who just revealed her secret crush.

“Um...we didn’t hear you,” Twilight said with a nervous laugh. Looking around at their confused looks, Fluttershy took another deep breath and mustering up all her courage she said the name once more.

“Br-Braeburn…” she said, her face turning a shade of red that it seemed that all the blood from her body was now in her face. Nopony spoke at this confession. Each one of them had a look of shock on their face, except Pinkie who was staring out into space, not knowing that to say.

“What?!” Rainbow shouted, breaking the silence right away as she got to her hooves. “When did yo...how did...why...Braeburn?!” was all Rainbow manage to get out as she looked at Fluttershy in disbelief. “You only met him one time!” she exclaimed sitting back down, her head coked sideways as she stared at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy let out another small ‘eep’ as she tried to retreat further back into her mane. “W-well, before we left, he asked for my address. He said he was disappointed that we couldn't talk longer and would like to be-become... pen pals.” Fluttershy was now shaking a bit in nervousness. Rainbow just kept staring at Fluttershy in confusion, but after a little while gave a soft sigh, that everypony but Applejack missed.

“What’s this?” Applejack asked, turning to Rainbow with a smirk. “You wouldn't be jealous now, would ya?” she said in such a way that everypony now focused their attention on Rainbow.

Rainbow looked around, the faintest shade of red on her face. “What?! No! No offence, A.J. your cousin might be hot, but definitely not my type,” Rainbow laughed, crossing her forelegs as she did.

“Oh? And what’s yer type then, Dashie?” Applejack was now giving Rainbow her full attention, making the cyan Pegasus squirm a bit under the question.

“M-my type?” she stuttered like Fluttershy, and could be seen mentally slapping herself for it. “Well...first off they have to be cooler than any other stallion out there! I will only hang out with the coolest of the cool,” she said with a air of confidence. “Then they also have to be strong, very muscular, but not like Bulk Biceps muscular, ya know?” She stroked her chin thoughtfully. “And he’d have to be the kind of stallion that I could talk to, but wouldn’t talk my ear off. Somepony who knows actions speak louder than words. And loyal! Gotta be loyal, obviously.”

“So you mean somepony like-” the name was on the tip of Applejack’s tongue as she eyed Rainbow. To any other of their friends, it would sound like she was describing her dream stallion, but that dream stallion was flesh and blood to Applejack. Before she could say anything else somepony else beat her to the punch.

“Caramel!” Pinkie shouted, jumping off the pillow she was sitting on and smiling widely to all her friends. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had dumbfounded looks on their faces as they looked at the hyperactive mare.

“How did any of that in any way describe Caramel?” Applejack asked, beyond confused on how Pinkie came to the conclusion of Caramel from what Rainbow was describing.

Now it was Pinkie’s turn to look confused at the pair. “How did what describe Caramel?” she asked, making Applejack smack herself in the forehead. “I was just saying who I was going to bid on!” Pinkie laughed, as she sat back down.

“Caramel?” Rarity asked. She was still quite interested in what was going on between Rainbow and Applejack, but now this seemed a bit more interesting. “Why would you want to date Caramel?”

“He seems like he needs to have a party in his life!” Pinkie said happily, her smile never fading. “Besides, I think he likes me! He always comes to the bakery when I’m working, and always says hello and goodbye to me!” she said, doing a sigh so much like Rarity’s that one would expect a couch to appear for her to faint on.

“Pinkie... not to burst your bubble or anything, but you’re always working,” Twilight said sheepishly, “And we all say hello and goodbye to you,” she added. “Are you sure you're not reading too deep into it?”

“Trust me! He is totally crushing on me! Call it a mare’s intuition!” she laughed, as she looked around the room. “Besides, I think he’s super cute! Twilight, who are you going to bid on?” Pinkie asked at random. With that, every eye turned to Twilight who, like Fluttershy, turned red in the face at the question.

“We-well I don’t know,” Twilight said, shuffling her hooves and looking down at the ground. “I mean, there is a lot of nice stallions in town, and going on a date with one of them would be nice. But, I... I just don’t know.” She was now looking around the library, trying to find something to change the topic. “Besides, I’m a princess now! Do you know how bad that would look? I doubt Celestia or Luna would do a thing like this.” She added a nod to this, as if by saying their names the conversation would be dropped.

“Oh? So you're not waiting to get a response from, oh, what’s his name?” Rarity was tapping her chin as a evil smirk started to spread across her lips. “But if I do recall, you said he has extremely expressive eyes, a gorgeous smile, a warm voice, and such a nice nature that you just want to—”

“I get it, Rarity!” Twilight explained, pressing her hooves against her ears. “He’s very... nice but that was a alternate reality! I can’t be sure if it’s the same here, and even with that, we only knew each other for a few days! Basing a relationship just on that is illogical!” she said with a light blush across her face before something Rarity had said caused her to frown slightly. “Wait... what do you mean, ‘waiting to get a response’ I didn’t send him anything.” Twilight gave Rarity a confused look as Rarity looked away, looking awfully guilty, and Twilight fixed a harsh glare on her. “Rarity... what did you do?”

Rarity turned back to Twilight, smiling still, but with a bit of nervousness behind it. “Well, as you know, Twilight, I simply can’t stand aside when love is in the air, and I might have convinced Spikey-Wikey to send him a letter… that was from you.”

At that, the sound of Twilight slamming her head against the floor blocked out all other sounds. “You invited the pony that I had a crush on in an alternate monkey-thing dimension to come to an bachelor auction and signed it from me,” Twilight groaned, her forehead still against the ground. “My life is completely ruined,” she moaned as Rarity walked over to her and started to rub her head.

“It’s not...um... Rainbow! How did inviting the Wonderbolts go?” Rarity changed the topic as soon as possible, not wanting this to become one of Twilights little episodes.

“Hmm? Oh yea! Not only did I manage to get Soarin, but Bulk Biceps and Thunderlane from the Academy volunteered, to,” Rainbow said enthusiastically. “Looks like you and Soarin can go on that little date now,” Rainbow said, teasing Applejack, who looked unamused by the little quip.

“Fer the last time, we are not dating,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes at the incoming onslaught of questions and teases. Ever since she had met Soarin at the Gala, he had been making monthly trips to Sweet Apple Acres to buy a pie from her. At first the relationship was just professional, but with a buyer coming all the way from Cloudsdale just to buy a pie from a mare, it quickly led to one of teasing.

Every time he would come to the farm, she would tease him about being so desperate for a mare’s attention, he would fly a thousand miles with only buying a pie as an excuse. He would normally retort with saying the only reason he flew all that way was to watch a apple farmer drool all over his magnificent body, to which Applejack would comment Mac was into mares, not stallions.

This relationship had not gone unnoticed by her friends or brother. Mac didn’t seem to have much problem with Soarin, just giving him the occasional glare whenever he was over. The most Mac had ever done to Soarin was taking him to the barn one night for a chat. Applejack was worried that he was going to chase Soarin off, but the two came out laughing before heading out to a bar. Her friends would not believe for a instant that her relationship with the Wonderbolt went no further than light flirting, and had made several remarks in the past about how she needed to hook up with the celebrity.

“Applejack, he is so into you! Somepony as rich as him could get a apple pie made by the best baker in all of Equestria, but he only goes to your farm for an apple pie,” Rarity said as she kept rubbing Twilight’s head, who was still moaning about her life being over. “He likes you.”

“He does not!” Applejack shot back. “He jus’ knows us Apples make the best pie in all of Equestria,” she said with a grin, but each friend looked at one another and nodded, as if they were reading the space between the lines. With a blush to match her brother's coat, she stomped her hoof on the floor. “What about you, Rarity? Ya seem keen on our relationships, but ya haven't said a thing about who yer goin’ to bid on,”

“Oh, I won’t know till I get there,” Rarity said with a wave of her hoof. “Trust me, your brother is on the list of stallions I would like to win a date with, but with Wonderbolts, Royal Guard members, and more, who knows what might catch my eye.” Rarity laughed as she stepped away from Twilight and walked back to her pillow. Twilight looked up that that and a look of horror came over her face.

“You didn’t...”

“Send a letter to the Royal Guard telling them of this little event and politely requesting they send some sexy stallions our way? No, I did not. Mayor Mare did, however,” Rarity said with a giggle, sitting back down as Twilight's forehead met the ground again.

“That means my brother is going to know about this! He is going to come down here and make sure to terrorize any stallion I might go for!” she grimaced as she looked up at Applejack. “They just don’t understand older brothers,” she groaned, as Applejack nodded.

“Y’all remember that Shock n’ Awe pony right? The one that asked me out a few weeks back?” Applejack asked addressing her friends. They all gave nods of remembrance of the dark blue pony. “Well, Big Mac found out about the date, and while Ah was getting ready, he cornered Shock and had a little chat. Ah don’t know what Mac said to him, but Shock seemed to be afraid to be too close to me the entire time,” she said with a sigh. “Supposed to have been a Guard member. Wasn’t until later Ah learned he got kicked out for drunk fightin’.” She gave a deep sigh at this. “So Mac was actually right fer scarin him off, but Ah’m a grown mare and can make my own decisions! Like which of ya is goin to date ma brother!” Once again, all her friend rolled their eyes as Applejack tried to set one of them up with her brother again. This time, it seemed that there was only one mare left.

“What ya say, Rainbow? Want to win a date with ma brother?” she asked, eyeing Rainbow for a reaction. Rainbow didn’t react, she just sat there, not saying a word. Applejack grinned at this as she started to mimic the actions Rarity had done just a few moments ago. “Ah mean, he is the strongest stallion in all of Ponyville. During the rodeo last year in Appleossa, he did take second overall. Also the strong, silent type, and mighty loyal. Kinda sounds like yer dream stallion.”

“What?!” Rainbow shouted, “No way! Mac is just a simple dude. No way I would date him!” Rainbow said with a laugh. Applejack would have normally taken offence to this, but the red tint on Rainbow’s face told a whole nother story.

“Well then, he’d be perfect fer ya. Wouldn't have to compete over who’s the coolest in the relationship, now would ya?” She was winning, Rainbow’s face was turning just as red as her brother’s coat. There was a reason why she asked Rainbow last and soon she would get her answer.

Rainbow didn’t say anything at this as her eyes just grew wide and was looking for anything to change the topic once again. This time there was no Pinkie to distract them all—due to the fact she was leaning in close and eating bowl of popcorn, as if she was watching some kind of drama. Rainbow’s wings twitched in aggravation as she looked for the door. If she could just get a running start she could get out of here.

“Rainbow, stop trying to hide the fact ya got a mighty big crush on ma brother!” Applejack finally shouted. “Ah’ve seen ya stoppin to stare at him in town like every other mare in town, but ya don’t stop there. Don’t think Ah don’t notice ya flying lower and even slower over the fields of the farm whenever he’s out there workin’.” Applejack had everypony’s attention as she called Rainbow out on her apparent spying of Big Mac. With every word, Rainbow’s face was getting redder, either with embarrassment or anger.
“Then you’d come over ta supper only if the cider we’re usin was made by Mac,” she said coolly now circling around Rainbow. “In fact, these days, whenever Mac’s makin supper, it’s pretty much a given that you’d be there. Mac and Bloom just think ya really like his cookin, but Granny and Ah think we know what’s really going on,” she laughed, eyeing the rainbow mane mare.

“He is a good cook! He is so much better than you!” Rainbow snapped, but this didn’t seem to phase Applejack, who just kept circling her.

“Sure he is, but we both know what you're really after. Just admit it, Dashie, ya don’t just have a crush on ma brother. Your head over hooves for him.” Applejack was grinning like a shark now as Rainbow Dash fidgeted where she sat, trying not to look at any of her friends, all of whom were just staring at her, wanting to see the conclusion of this little interrogation.

“I do not!”

“Do to!”

“Do not!”

“Dash, Ah’m the Element of Honesty and Ah can tell when ma friends are lying, and yer lying like no other!” Applejack declared. “When Ah asked everypony here if they want to win ma brother, ya started to grind yer teeth somethin’ fierce, and giving little sighs of relief here and there when they said they be after some other pony. Just come out with it!” Applejack shouted, knowing the only way to get Rainbow to admit anything is by putting her in a position where she can’t just fly away.

“Fine! I do have a crush on your brother! Happy now! I have a flipping crush on Mac!” Rainbow shouted, throwing her forelegs into the air. She sat there, her chest rising and falling with each deep breath as if she had finished a marathon. That was when her pupils dilated as she looked at Applejack and the others. Applejack just had a smug grin on her face as all the others looked at her in just pure shock.

“Now wait, I didn’t mean-”

“Rainbow has a crush on Big Mac!” Pinkie shouted, jumping up and down making popcorn fly everywhere. “That is so cute! Oh, you two are the opposites of one another! Ooo! When you two get married, can I plan the reception?!”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow shouted, her face growing so red that she might have been confused with having red fur naturally. “We are not getting married!”

“Yet,” Applejack chimed in, laughing as Dash’s face grew another shade red deeper.

“Shut up!”

“Oh, Rainbow, that would be so cute if you two go together!” Rarity cooed, leaving Twilight’s side to get closer to Rainbow. “Why, your colors would go so well together! But you better start earning some extra bits, he is going to be a sought after stallion. Hmm...maybe we should make sure Mac knows you're interested. Oh! Maybe we can go to the spa to get you looking your best and visit the farm, give him a good look at you,” she laughed as Rainbow got to her hooves and trying to find a way out.

“I bet if you ask for more hours the weather team would give you some,” Fluttershy chimed in. “Um, you know, since when you do work you do a great job,” she said with a smile, trying to help Rainbow. This kindness was returned when Rainbow whipped around towards her with a glare that made Fluttershy let out a soft yelp.

“Hmm... depending on how many stallions show up, Mac be the highest bid pony. Let’s see...” Twilight said, taking out a scrap piece of parchment and levitating a quill and ink to her. “If you take the average wage of ponies here, then take out living expenses, emergencies, and a few impulsive buys... you should need at least eight hundred bits.” She nodded. “Yes, that sounds right. Mac will probably go for around eight hundred, if it’s just the stallions from around here.”

“Hold up!” Rainbow shouted, as each one of her friends started to get in on her bidding situation and apparent crush. “Who said I’m even going to bid on Mac?! Maybe I just won’t go to the auction at all!”

“Oh? You plan on askin’ him out so he can’t compete?” Applejack asked slyly. “Ah thought ya liked competition Rainbow, and Ah bet this victory would taste so good knowing you out-bid every mare in Ponyville, and got Big Mac in the process.” It was in that instant that Applejack knew she had won.

The all so familiar fire started to burn in Rainbow Dash’s eyes. Applejack could only imagine what images were going through Rainbow’s mind of her victory, of showing everypony how awesome she was because she beat all of them and got her dream stallion.
Rainbow quickly shook her head however, as if she was trying to get rid of those thoughts. “Yeah, whatever,” she grunted, turning away from Applejack and instead focusing on Rarity, who was moving back to her original spot.

“Well then girls, now that we know who we all want, I think the next item on our list should be,” Rarity said with such an air, that each one of her friends instantly knew what she wanted to talked about and blushed. “We now have to figure out what we want those sexy, sexy stallions to do on stage for us.” Rarity laughed as each one of her friend’s faces turned bright red.

--

Since then, a month had passed and it was now time for the auction. Rainbow Dash grumbled as she looked inside the saddle bag she had brought with her. She had only managed to make an extra six hundred bits; two hundred less than what Twilight predicted. I’m sure it’s enough, Rainbow thought closing the bag, with all those other stallions I bet I can grab Mac for cheap. With that thought she entered the park where the auction was to be held.

Her thoughts were quickly crushed when she saw the amount of mares already there. Some of them didn’t look like they were from Ponyville at all, but had heard about the auction and wanted to see who they could grab as well. Off in the distance, Rainbow could see Pinkie Pie waving frantically to her to mark where the others were sitting.

They were in the middle of the mess and were just close enough to the stage that they could get a good look at each stallion, but still far enough away not to be crushed by the sheer amount of mares that were congregating there.
As Rainbow walked towards her friends, there was only one thought going through her head.

Horseapples...

Author's Notes:

Do not expect this frequent of updates. This was just by luck. Now I bet some of you are going 'Oh no! My ship didn't happen!' who said that? We have not started to bid yet or see what those stallions might do. Stick around for some more happy fun times!

As always thanks to jszellmer for the edits, and Jake for being the best damn co-author there is!

Enjoy!