Ponyville Auction

Chapter 1: Take a Bite out of that Apple

Being the Mayor of the town where the Elements of Harmony lived should be a very easy job. Having six of the most powerful ponies living there should mean protection, easy living, and tourism from ponies who wanted to meet them, meaning money coming into the town. It should have all been so easy, but Mayor Mare knew the truth: being the mayor of Ponyville was anything but easy.

It seemed like every other day there was some kind of disaster: changes in the weather that should have not happened, Diamond Dogs riding into town, and everypony in town falling in love with a doll! All of these emergencies could be traced back to the so-called Elements of Harmony, and each one cost the town a massive amount in bits in property damage. Then, as if they weren’t bad enough, there were the Three Fillies of the Apocalypse: the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Who knew that three adorable fillies could be so much trouble?

The combined efforts of these two groups had almost driven Ponyville into bankruptcy. The town was running out of money, and if Mayor Mare wanted to be re elected in the following election, she needed to find a source of bits without increasing taxes.
Sitting in her office alone, she looked over all the bills from the last few months of incidents that happened in Ponyville. One would think Celestia would be paying for all of this, but nooooo. The Princess—very conveniently, at least to her mind—seemed to have not noticed all the damaged done to town in the past few years. Mayor Mare had thought of writing to the Princess for help, but wouldn't that make her look like an incompetent leader? This was her town, she would find a way to save it!

But how?

With a groan Mayor Mare started to chew on the back of her pen as she looked outside her window. What would bring in the bits? Her eyes roamed across the ponies milling around Market Street, each spending money on baubles or produce of some kind—money she desperately wanted in the cities coffers. Do I simply ask for donations? No. That would never work; everypony would just assume another pony would donate their bits instead. Bake sale? No! That would involve Pinkie and the other Elements; that would just bring disaster and more bills! The Mayor groaned at this as she leaned back in her chair. There has to be a way. Just think! As she wracked her brain, her eyes once again looked over the town and all the ponies that lived there.

She was responsible for them; she needed to keep the town above water. She did not want to be the mayor that let the town go into debt under her watch. But where to get the bits was the question she kept thinking about as she looked out. As she did, her eyes focused on a certain red stallion that was pulling an impressively large cart of apples behind him. Her eyes locked on to him immediately, and a dopey smile broke out onto her face; like so many other mares in town, she had a crush on the handsome stallion known as Big Mac.

Walking over to her window, she glanced down at the stallion and smiled. Big Mac is a good nickname for him, she thought, observing the stallion’s large frame and effortless pulling of the cart. What mare wouldn't have a crush on him? Big, strong, piercing green eyes, strong, a gentlecolt, a heart melting smile, and did she mention strong? “What I wouldn’t pay to go on a date with him,” Mayor Mare said to herself, watching the stallion work.

The instant the words left her mouth, her eyes lit like a Hearth’s Warming tree. Ripping her gaze from the hunky stallion, she instead started to focus on the other ponies outside. A smile of pure delight crossed her face as she did so. Like her, many of the mares in town had stopped what they were doing and were sneaking glances at the stallion as he hefted bushels of apples onto the stand that Applejack was manning. The Mayor could tell that Applejack knew that mares were staring at her brother, as she would shoot a glare of pure ice at anypony she caught gawking for more than a few seconds.

Mac, on the other hoof, didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, didn’t care. He just continued to lug the weighty baskets like they were made of cloud, his massive muscles rippling and tensing. All the while, his trademark sprig of wheat never left his chiseled jaw. Once he placed the last basket on the stand, he simply nodded to his sister and started to trot away, not looking back at any of the mares who were following him with their eyes.

“This is perfect!” Mayor Mare shouted, bouncing on her hooves in giddy excitement. She could already see the bags of golden bits being placed back into the towns funds, all the unfinished plans and underfunded public works that could finally be completed. There might even be enough to build that playground that Cheerilee had been asking for as well! All she needed to do was get a few ponies on board and she would have enough bits to fund the town until the end of days.

Or at least until she was reelected.

Whichever came first.

“Gofer! Get in here!” Mayor Mare shouted, galloping back to her desk. As she pulled out blank paper and started to write, her office door flew open, and a light brown stallion walked in, a slightly off-put look on his face. He had a slightly darker mane, brown eyes, and a cutie mark of what looked like three letters—Mayor Mare never bothered to check which ones. The dark bags under his eyes spoke of long nights running errands for her.

“Mayor Mare, I keep telling you that’s not my name. My name is—”

“Never mind that, Gofer, I have a urgent mission for you,” Mayor Mare said, cutting him off as she wrote on the final piece of paper. She then walked over to her assistant and shoved the papers into his bag. “I need you to deliver these to each Element of Harmony within the hour. Go as fast as you can!” She turned back to her desk, but paused. “Oh, and on your way back, would you be a dear bring me back a latte and a muffin?”

“Um, I guess, but—”

She didn’t even glance back at him before walking back to her desk, organizing papers and filing them away. “Gofer, you’re a gem!”
“But... but my name, it’s—”

“Why are you still here? Scoot! Move! Go! I need this done now! Also, when you get back put on some coffee and tea, we will have guests soon so I need refreshments made,” she added, now looking back outside with a grin.

With a drawn out sigh, Gofer left the room with his head hung low as he went to deliver the messages to the Elements of Harmony. He murmured something on his way out, but it was hardly important.

Unless this “Ducking Fitch” pony was prepared to bid on some beefcake.

--

Barely an hour later, all six Elements of Harmony were sitting in Mayor Mare’s office. Twilight and Rarity sat in the two armchairs—made from the finest in Dromedarian faux leather, and absolutely not bought at the taxpayer’s expense—across from the one the Mayor sat in comfortably, while Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie all had to share the couch. Rainbow Dash instead sat on the large globe in the room. She spun around in lazy circles, muttering something about “wasting time in some stupid meeting.”
The note that Gofer had given them just told them to come to her office as soon as possible; that the mayor needed to discuss something of great importance with them. When they arrived though, the Mayor was no where to be found and Gofer just instructed them to take a seat inside.

“So, what do yall reckon she’s gonna talk to us about?” Applejack asked, eyeing one of the many paintings hung on the walls—again, most definitely not bought with public money.

“Do you think there is a emergency of some kind?” Twilight asked. “I can’t think of anything that happened today that was out of the ordinary, do you girls?”

“Oh! Maybe she is kicking us out of town because we cause so much damage!” Pinkie piped in. She had a large smile on her face for such a topic. “Then we would have to live like hobos! Jumping from train to train till we can find a new place we can call our own, then get kicked out of that town as well for damage!” Everypony blinked at her, but shook it off; it was normal for her to have these strange outbursts, but still, they were strange.

“Pfft, like they would kick us out! We are so much cooler than any other pony in town, with me being the coolest by far,” Rainbow said, still lazily spinning around on the globe. “Besides, we don’t cause that much damage... do we?”

“Well... there was that incident a few weeks ago when we tried to help the town’s irrigation and instead made almost every water main explode,” Rarity said, admiring her reflection in a mirror. “Oh, and then when Sweetie Belle and her friends tried to help with the clean up.” Each one of them shuddered at the memory. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had used one of Twilight’s spells to make a few mops come to live to help clean. It had taken nearly four hours to stop what was now called The Great Mop Rebellion.

“Angel st-still won’t go near them,” Fluttershy squeaked, as she remembered what the mops had done to her little bunny. “He didn’t like baths before, but now he runs whenever he so much as hears running water.” She sighed, thinking about how pathetic it was, while the others, mainly Rainbow, laughed at the thought of the evil rabbit ran for the hills.

The office door swung open, and Mayor Mare strode in wearing her usual political smile. “Oh good, you’re all here.” She shook hooves with them all, then sat behind her desk. “I am sorry for not being able to greet you, but Gofer over here got my order wrong.” She cast a withering glare over at the ragged-looking intern. He groaned and closed the door, once more murmuring under his breath. Maybe Ducking Fitch is his marefriend? She shook out the distracting thought and pulled a folder from her desk. “Anyway, as I told you in my short note I have something of the utmost important to talk to you about.”

“Is somethin attacking Ponyville again?” Applejack asked, getting to her hooves ready to go face danger.

“Is Discord trying to start his own sovereign state in Fluttershy’s cabin again?” Rarity asked, her eye twitching from memories of the Lord of Chaos’ last attempt to amuse himself.

“Is Canterlot in trouble?!” Twilight asked, her mind rushing to images of the Sisters and her parents in trouble.

“Who’s flank do we need to whoop?!” Rainbow Dash asked excitedly, jumping into the air and shadow-boxing.

“Are there little animals in danger or hurt?” Fluttershy said, tears forming at the corner of her eyes already at the horrible mental images of little woodland creatures with cuts and scrapes.

“Did the Sisters outlaw cake?! I know that Celestia has a bit of a problem with eating too much cake, especially chocolate cake, but don’t you think that is a bit extreme? I mean, Captain U has a problem with going to Hardees almost every other day but you don’t see him trying to outlaw it!” Everypony turned to Pinkie, a look of confusion plastered on their faces. Pinkie looked around the room looking at each one in confusion. “What? They have great fries!”

“Um... no, I did not call you for any of that,” Mayor Mare said, thanking the Sisters that there was nothing like that right now. The girls gave a collective sigh of relief, except for Rainbow, who gave a grunt of disappointment as she took her seat on the globe again. “I have called you though for an emergency of a different kind. You see, over the last few years, your... adventures, we’ll say, have caused damages to the town and we are frankly running out of money to keep repairing everything.”

“Told you! We are getting kicked out of town! Oh! Can I throw a ‘We Are Getting Kicked Out Of Town So Come Say Goodbye’ party?!” Pinkie asked, jumping up and down in excitement.

“What? No, I am not kicking any of you out of town! Do you know how bad that would look for an election year?” she asked them, laughing a bit. She looked at them to see blank looks of confusion. “A political joke. Well, as I said, I am not kicking any of you out of town. But I do need your help raising money to help keep the town from going into debt, and maybe help get the school some new playground equipment.”

“No problem! We would love to help,” Twilight said before any of her friends could answer, volunteering them for a job unknown. “What is it you would like us to do?”

“Well,” Mayor Mare started, clapping her hooves together a few times. “I was thinking of a dating auction for—” Before she could finish, Rainbow Dash had flared her wings and had jumped onto the mayor’s desk.

“You want to auction us off on dates?!” She shouted, her face turning red in anger. “No way! No bucking way am I doing that! You might not know it, but I do have fans. Like, crazy fans that would sell everything they have to go on a date with me! There is no way on the Earth that you will auction me off like a piece of meat!”

Each one of them was staring at Rainbow. Even Pinkie was speechless at what had just happened. Rainbow’s wings were still flared and the fur along her back and neck was raised slightly as she stood there, panting and glaring at the mayor.

“I was not finished, Miss Dash,” Mayor Mare said, collecting herself and clearing her throat. “Now, if you would kindly sit back down I will tell you,” she said with a slight growl. Rainbow, still red in the face, flapped her wings once and landed back on her globe, still glaring at the mayor.

The mayor cleared her throat once more and looked at the group of shocked ponies, keeping her eyes away from Rainbow. “I was thinking of a dating auction for the bachelors of Ponyville,” she said with a practiced grin. “There are more mares in Ponyville than stallions anyway, so there will be more competition, which means more money for the town.” Her mind filled with sacks of bits again, of mares throwing them onto the stage to win a date with Big Mac. “Now, all I need you to do is help organize it and get a few stallions to auction off on dates.”

“And what stallions do ya think yer gonna auction?” Applejack asked, looking Mayor Mare right in the eyes. Mayor Mare looked right back at her and knew that Applejack had already figured out which stallion would be the headliner.

“Well, I was hoping to have some of the most contested bachelors in Ponyville to be part of it, and... well, it’s not like Big Mac is seeing any pony, so I figured—”

Applejack stomped her hoof hard. “Uh-uh. No way! There is no way Ah’m gonna let Big Mac take part of this! He ain’t just some bag of apples to be given to the highest bidder! He ain’t been on no date before. That love potion thing doesn’t count!” Applejack turned her gaze towards Twilight, who sunk down in her seat a bit. Applejack still was a little angry with her for giving the book to the CMC. “Besides, he’s shyer than a kitten at a dog pound! Something like this would make him uncomfortable. If it was a auction for a date with a mare, he wouldn't make a bid. Doubt he would see any of it honorable. He is a gentlecolt after all,” Applejack nodded at this last point, finding her argument for why Big Mac shouldn't be part of this auction unbreakable. This, however, had the opposite effect on Mayor Mare and the others in the room.

Is she trying to raise the price on him already? the mayor thought, her mind taking her to a fantasy world where Big Mac was dressed in a fine silk suit, a rose in his mouth, as he took her on a date. Mayor Mare looked around the room, and it became evident that some of the others were having the same kind of thoughts. She noticed that Twilight had a dreamy eyed look. It was hard to imagine Twilight on date; not because she was a bookworm, a Element of Harmony, and a princess now, but because of her overprotective brother. A problem, Mayor Mare thought, a grin crossing her face, she shares with Applejack.

“If that is how you feel,” Mayor Mare said, with a sigh of defeat, “I won’t push you to get Big Mac to be a part of this. We will just have to get other stallions to come in to take his place. Rainbow Dash, you're on good terms with that stallion from the Wonderbolts, oh, what’s his name again?”

“Soarin?” Rainbow Dash questioned, with a very confused look on her face. Mostly due to the fact it was odd for anyone not to know of her idols.

“Yes, that’s the one! Do you think you could get him to get involved? I’m sure if you mention it’s for the school, so a charity almost, he would be more than happy to be part of the show,” the mayor said with a smile, “Come to think of it, he might have to be our headliner if Mac can’t do it.” These were the times that Mayor Mare knew she had chosen the right career. She could already see the internal battle in Applejack’s eyes now. Being a mayor a small town, you would always hear a rumor here and there, and she remembered one about a certain farm pony having a crush on a Wonderbolt.

“Probably. He was voted Equestria’s most eligible bachelor two years in a row by Ponies magazine. You know, the swimsuit issue, with the double fold-out with him...” Her words trailed off and a fierce blush spread on her face as she noted everypony staring at her. “S-so, uh... yesh! Want me to see if any of the other Wonderbolts want to join in?” Rainbow asked, resuming her spinning on the globe again.

“That would be delightful!” Mayor Mare said with a little clop of her hooves. “We would still need a few more stallions to take place in this. Who knows, maybe by the end of this we all might have a date! Well, almost all of us,” she said, turning her gaze towards Applejack in a way that the farm pony would have to notice.

“And what do ya mean by that?” Applejack spat, as Mayor Mare hid a grin of triumph.

“Nothing dear! Nothing at all! It’s just... well, we’ve all heard the stories about how Big Mac gets when a stallion wants to take you on a date.” She watched in delight as Applejack’s mind flashed back to just a few weeks ago when a pony named Shock n’ Awe tried to ask her out on a date. Everypony remembered the ‘incident’ with Shock n’ Awe. Some of them were still traumatized.

“You know,” Mayor Mare tapped a hoof against her chin, “I bet if a nice mare did win a date with Big Mac, and they decided to go on a few more dates, he might not have time to chase off stallions.” Only years in politics let the mayor hide her triumphant grin; Applejack’s face was just as honest as everything else about her. The internal battle was raging at full force now as she took in this information. “But I’m sure, as you said, he would not be up for it. I wonder how much a date with Soarin would cost?” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Applejack shake her head, and was now glaring at the mare again. Hook, line, and sinker. I am definitely a political mare.

“Now don’t be counting Mac out just yet. Ah might not think he wants to do it, but Ah still need to ask him,” she said, making her way towards the door. “Ah’ll be back with his answer.” At that, Applejack slammed the door shut and made her way back home to find her brother.

--

“Nope.”

“Come on Mac, it’s fer the town and the school,” Applejack said. In truth, part of her actually did feel he should take part in this. He had only had one date in his life, and at his age he should of had at least a few more. At least, ones not caused by love poisons. “You know how much damage is caused to the town during our little... adventures, and Applebloom, and other crusaders. It’s just a nice way to pay the town back.” Applejack gave Mac her biggest smile, but it was only greeted by his normally stoic face.

“Nope,” Mac replied again quickly. He wasn’t even going to entertain the thought. The idea of being on stage and having mares bet on him seemed... degrading. It was torture enough to walk through the streets of Ponyville some days with all the mares giving him odd looks. He didn’t like all the attention, and for that reason he let Applejack command the stand while he worked the field. To be on stage for all those mares to stare at and bid on him was mortifying.

“Aw Mac, it’s fer the town, and the school! Besides, it’s a great chance fer ya to actually get to know a mare or two.” Applejack stepped in front of Mac to stop him from moving forward and having to look at her. “When was the last time ya even talked to a mare outside of our family?” she asked, staring him down. As much as she didn’t like the fact of the town—and possibly her friends—bidding on her brother, she had to recognize that Mac didn’t go out of his way to talk to mares ever. It worried her to think that Mac would never find a nice filly to settle down with; he was entitled to happiness like every other pony.

Mac looked down at her trying to find his answer, but his mind couldn't come up with anything for a retort. It was true: he didn’t go out of his way to talk to the many mares of the town. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested; there were many ponies in town he would like to know more about. He was just too nervous to talk to any of them. He knew he was a good looking pony, but besides that there was really nothing for a mare to get excited about. He was just a simple farmer and nothing more. Sure he might be the strongest pony in town, but that was about it. Giving his sister one last look and seeing the determination in her eyes, he finally gave in.

“And it’s fer the town and school right?” Mac sighed in defeat.

Applejack beamed up at him and hugged him. “Eeyup! Ah’ll go tell the girls yer in. Trust me Mac, yer gonna have fun just like all the other fellers that are gonna be in this!” she laughed, kissing him on the cheek before trotting back towards town hall. Mac watched his sister disappear into the distant, and down trot look on his face as she finally left his sight.

“Dagnabit Mac, what did ya get yerself into?”

\

Author's Notes:

This has no connection to any of the other stories I am doing. Just a random ADD thought that happened at work. Enjoy! Again only leave nice reviews, if you need to get something off your chest message me...not here...

Thanks to all that have helped me so far!