As soon as it started, it was over. My crying stopped. There was a tinge of anger as I resented my father for giving me so much false hope, but then that passed as well. What didn’t come and go so easily was the solace.

He had made me everything I am today. Words can’t express what it’s like to have the one thing you think you’re good at pulled out from under your hooves and tossed whimsically into the wind. A lot of thoughts and descriptions of my condition passed through my head, but one stuck more than any other. More than anything, I felt empty in the sense of if anyone asked me what I liked or was good at I wouldn’t have an answer for them.

And it was comforting.

As soon as it started, it was over. My crying stopped. There was a tinge of anger as I resented my father for giving me so much false hope, but then that passed as well. What didn’t come and go so easily was the solace.

He had made me everything I am today. Words can’t express what it’s like to have the one thing you think you’re good at pulled out from under your hooves and tossed whimsically into the wind. A lot of thoughts and descriptions of my condition passed through my head, but one stuck more than any other. More than anything, I felt empty in the sense that if anyone asked me what I liked or was good at I wouldn’t have an answer for them.

And it was comforting.

As soon as it started, it was over. My crying stopped. There was a tinge of anger as I resented my father for giving me so much false hope, but then that passed as well. What didn’t come and go so easily was the solace.

He had made me everything I am today. Words can’t express what it’s like to have the one thing you think you’re good at pulled out from under your hooves and tossed whimsically into the wind. A lot of thoughts and descriptions of my condition passed through my head, but one stuck more than any other. More than anything, I felt empty in the sense that if anyone asked me what I liked or was good at I wouldn’t have an answer for them.

And it was comforting.

One thing I’ve always worried about is whether ponies will think I “make sense.” It’s a crippling fear I have, but I know it’s what has made me the socially savvy pony I am. Now, more than ever, I make sense. I don’t enjoy designing anymore, and now I know I’m poor at it. The first years of it were my passionate infatuation with the idea, and like an old, married couple who has become unhappy, I know there is nothing left to do but separate.

Twilight thinks I’ve lost my mind in a fit of grief, but she is so much farther from reality than I am. My designs were hideous, and now I know how much of a fool I am for believing that anyone would really like them. She, being the divine sweetheart she is, told me that, if I quit designing, she would wear that dreadful gala dress I made her every Saturday until I took it back up. I admit that I think she looks ravishing in it, but that’s just my narrow-minded fashion sense talking. Everyone will be too polite to give her anything but compliments and I’m sure she’ll think she’s winning. Unbeknownst to her, I know this all already and she’ll be the fool as I was.

I’ll let her figure that out on her own.

We went home, and I received the talks I expected from my friends. First was comforting advice about how to cope with my father’s death, and then inquiries into my new life decision. Why give up my passion? What happened to make me think this? It was a bore, and at one point I became quite tired of their questions. I asked my friends if they still saw passion in my eye anymore, because I certainly didn’t feel it. Their silence was satisfying in its own way. I did manage to convince Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie that fashion wasn’t my calling, which wasn’t surprising. Dashie didn’t seem to care too much, but quoted it to be “weird that you’re giving up on it,” and Pinkie was her usual fickle self. Everyone else was skeptical but supportive, with only Twilight in full unrelenting protest.

Twilight and I went back to her library to spend some time together and she donned her dress. Yes, it was silly, and even though I knew it was hideous I wanted to see her in it more.

Next Chapter: note nine of twenty-nine Estimated time remaining: 6 Minutes