I stepped through the portal back to Equestria. "God damn- fuckin- come on!" I yanked a cheap college hoodie over my head, hurrying to change back into street clothes as fast as I could. "Someone, Transylmania--"

"Sir!" A sharp snappy voice shot out from the doorway into the embassy. "At your service!"

I pushed my head through the hoodie and spotted a strange looking earth pony in a guard helmet. "...Oh no, you didn't--"

"Happily changed to serve--"

"No!" I shouted, rushing up to him and falling to my knees before him. "No! Stop changing yourselves! I'm not worth it! It's not worth it!"

The pony pulled back, sliding his soft coat out of my fingers. "Uh, sir, I was born like this." The guard shook himself hard, twisting his entire being left and right. "Not everypony who's born half thestral decided to change...sir."

I felt myself sink slightly. "Ugh, long day...I'm sorry." I walked past him, into the soft beige walls of the embassy. "Vacation interrupted by all this, I'm not exactly in the right sorts, right...now." I quickly realized how clunky my words were. "Let's just go--"

"I'm coming!" A sharp, raspy voice came from the portal room, leading up until Moon bolted past the guards and over to me. "Wait!"

I kept walking, all I changed was I put my hands back, like a reverse quarterback waiting for a hike. "So, how-" I felt a heavy thud on my back as Moon's hooves wrapped around my neck, "-we getting to Transylmania?"

The earth bound guard continued to walk ahead of me, reminding me of the Regan attempt. "Chariot."

I stopped, lurching forward slightly with the extra weight on my back. "Flying, chariot?"

Moon leaned over my shoulder. "As most chariots are."

I groaned loudly, shakily. "Of course... because today just wants to shit on me." I sighed loudly, making a few office workers snicker as I passed into the plain DMV like lobby. "I think I'll take a nap on the way there, make this less terrifying."

Moon shifted around my back, settling in with a soft thump. "Ben, are you--"

"Yes. To whatever you're going to say, yes."

Moon bopped me in the side of the head with a hoof. "So you would like to have a dirty three-way with the carriage drivers! No...are you afraid?"

I shivered hard as I stepped out into the thawing Canterlot, spotting one of Luna's chariots waiting with guards ready to go. "Of flying? Uh, yes, yes I am. Heights, not so much, but flying free in the air, not in a plane, terrifying." I clenched my fingers around Moon's flanks as the guard plopped down by the rider's seat. "I always feel like I'm going to fly the hell out or slip or something."

Moon shimmied down my back, landing with a soft clop. "Really? Well, true, if you fell there would be little we could do, but still." She shanked her white body around the edge of the chariot and into the back. "Now come, we should make sure the town isn't on fire."

I groaned like a hurt animal as I set my hand on the cold metal railing. "Part of me kind of wants it to burn down. Certainly make me feel better."

Moon whinnied loudly. "Oh stop complaining. They're still your subjects."

"Are they!? They don't seem to listen to me!" I stepped onto the creaking metal death-trap. "Now- Jesus!" I grabbed on tight as the driver's took off, lurching down the road for a bit before taking to the air. "I hate- hate!" I felt my stomach press against my intestines as we took off towards the north-east. "Could have taken a train damn it!"

Moon leaned her hooves against the top of the railing, watching the massive expanse of Equestria zoom slowly by. "Hmm, it really is big, isn't it?"

I stared unblinkingly at the ground. "The drop? Yeah, that's why--"

Moon bopped me over the head again, starting to fall back into her violent ways. But, there was a certain comfort in her hooves, something primal. The slap was hard enough to ache, but not enough to pain, it gave off a soft feeling of sympathy, warmth buried in the act. "I mean't Equestria. It's really rather massive from up here."

I pulled breath through my teeth. "They said something like, two-to-three times earth? So, yeah, it's god damn huge. Big god damn planet." I took a deep breath. "Just not dense, or something, ask a geologist, or an astronomer!"

Moon huffed softly. "Ben, are you actually comfortable with me?" She looked up at me, icy eyes distracting me from the death fall below. "In--"

"Not the time. Please, just...not right now." I slid my hands around her, pulling her against me and leaning down against the railing. "Don't ask me about relationship issues when I'm ninety feet in the air!" I hugged her against me, the empty feeling in my stomach assuaged by the pony at my side. "Seriously, it can wait the six horrid minutes!"

Moon slid herself against me. "Ben, I'm glad I came--"

"Seriously, not the--"

"Heat doesn't pick good times.... I'll take care of it, but I want you to know...I love you." She hugged my side, biting my ribs as she nestled against me. "I love you--"

"And I love the ground." I stated, watching the mountains start to drop below the chariot. "Oh god, why, why is the ground not enough for ya'll?"