"Ben...how are you feeling?" Datura asked as she pranced around me. "Because let me tell you something...you look fabulous."

I looked in the mirror she gave me and felt my head. "Man...I'm fucking pale.... Is that permanent?"

Datura nodded and sat on her haunches. "Yes...it's permanent. I keep telling you that. Honestly you have nothing to complain about, no vestigial tail, no mono brow, no fur, nothing abnormal!"

I lolled my tongue out. I slurped it back up and chewed on it. "That's still kinda weird."

Datura nodded as she pulled her lower lip into her mouth. "Um...how far inside someone could you fit that? Like...how uh...how much control do you have."

"Datura, shut up."

"Okay...." She cracked a wide smile and backed up. "I'm sure Foxglove will love it."

I nodded and stretched out. "So you have the papers?"

Datura's cheeky smile quickly faded. "Are you sure about this? I mean, it's kinda sudden."

I nodded. "There was a few hours where I thought I was gonna die. I decided then, and in retrospect I really shouldn't have listened to myself, but yeah my mind's made up."

"Well...you know I have to tell Luna...and she's gonna wanna celebrate...and she gets kinda grabby with the guards so...dear Luna, bring Foxglove."

"Well I--"

"Make sure she's drunk, because she will fight princess Luna herself over you!" Datura squeaked out a cheerful squeal as she bounded around the room. "Oh, my, god!"

I stared at the giddy mare as she bounced around. "You know. Your friend came by again, you were all calm and polite and everything. What happened?"

She tried to stop herself, jamming her forelegs into the carpet in the room. "What!?" she slammed face first into the edge of the table. Her purple ponytailed mane tossing itself over her head and onto the table. "Vincent...he uh...we...."

"You fucked didn't you."

She grew red as she propped her upper half onto the table. "He's married now...you know."

"So you did...."

She scrunched up her muzzle and stared angrily at me. "I really don't like you right now."

"That's okay. Now seriously, those papers?"

She turned away, knocking a bottle off the table with her tail. "I'll get them...jerk."

I threw my hands up and picked over the dropped bottle. "It's not like I made fun of you or anything!"

Datura came back, wings flared out. "Yeah but you- well...I guess you didn't...still, screw you."

I threw my arms up. "Really?"

"No one puts Datura in a corner any more! I am a strong independent bat mare and I don't need no stallion to tell me how to live!"

I nodded with a bitter look on my face. "Vince tell you that?"

Datura went sour as she stopped her preening. "Just...sign your stupid paper."

"That's what I thought." I scolded her as I signed the adoption forms. "Now are you still coming to celebrate later?"

"Yeah...you know I am."

"Are you gonna sing?"

Datura grew a little red. "Can...can I invite a friend?"

"Sure." I capped the pen she brought me and stood back. "Bring whoever you want."

Datura smiled for a second before folding her wings and looking away. "Ben we're friends right...."

"Right...."

"So...I'm gonna do something shameful, and I don't want you to tell anyone." Before I could question she walked over and dove muzzle first into my groin. She motor boated my member as she made a weirdly pleased sound.

"Whoa...not what I was expecting...."

"Tell no one." Datura gave my thigh a final nuzzle and stepped back. "It's not because it's you. I just...it's been a while...for...any guy."

"Don't you have a kid?"

Datura frowned. "He doesn't count. He's not my kid, he's Luna's. I just helped."

"You had a fucking kid spurt out of you! That's a little more than just helping."

Datura shrugged and started walking out. "It was nine months, no big deal. No one even noticed until the sixth."

I shook my head and lead her outside into the gardens. "I get that, but it's just- did you get like a medal or something?"

"Yeah!" she chirped happily. "I did some reading and you humans have one too!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I asked as sincerely as I could while still expressing my disbelief.

"Luna collects books from this place called Russia. One of the books had something about a war and women earning medals for having kids." She grew a smug smile. "I think it's pretty cool they treat women so great over there."

I lost my composure and started laughing out loud. "Aha- fuck...I can't breath." I felt my throat grow dry as my laughing took my wind. "Oh fuck...holy shit...Russia treating women well...that's...a terrible situation they have there."

"What the fuck are you talking about!? Getting a medal for being a mother is amazi--"

"They gave that medal out because they were pumping out kids to send to war. They just had so many children that they could throw them against the enemy. Hell, at one point I'm pretty sure they had more people than rifles."

Datura took a second to realized what I meant. "Oh- oh dear Luna, that's awful! So what they just- just took the babies to war?"

I tried my best not to laugh, only managing a few seconds before the imaginary of a baby soviet broke my composure. "Fucking...ahahahaha- with the little helmet."

"Ben are you laughing at me!?"

"No...no...yes, you're fucking hilariou-- ow- why?" Datura sank her teeth deep into my leg. "Seriously?"

"Don't laugh at me! Last war in Equestria was about two hundred years ago, and it end with like one dead pony who fell off a watchtower. Both sides disarmed the same day too!"

I shook my head. "No, not that. Just...babies in world war two would be tragically hilarious. No, they grew up, then went to war."

"Oh...that's not much better."

I stopped laughing and sank my gaze to the floor. "No...it's really not." I looked around the gardens. "Let's go grab Wayne and get some lunch. I got work in a few hours."

"Finally off leave?" Datura asked as she flapped her wings and lifted off the ground. "Lazy bastard."

"Oh sorry, just turn me into a bloody bat person and send me back to the grinding wheel, it's fine!"

"Don't bitch at me you git!"

"Don bitch ah me ya ah meh ma."

"Ben Datura...knock it off...." A guard yelled sourly as he walked past. "I swear."

I stared at the stallion as he wandered off. "I bet he takes it up the ass like a champ."

"Probably.... But hey look at you, single parent, turning down a lusty mare, pale, petite--"

"Don't call me petite." I snapped angrily. "And this kid is too adorable for somebody else. And plus...when he's old enough I am going to make references out the ass."

"Oh yes...to batman."

I stopped dead as she flew past. "How the fuck do you know batman?"

Datura landed on the top of a shrub. "I went to New York a few months ago, cultural studies program. I gotta tell you, joining the musicians guild has just been amazing."

"I bet entering your mom would be amazing."

"I bet your dad has a small dick."

"You're not wrong. Luckily I got my mother's--"

"Dick? Were you about to say dick?" Datura asked as she started laughing. "Such a big boy, all grown up with his mothers wang."

"You're a terrible steward."

Datura let out a single laugh. "I stopped being a steward when I joined the guild. Now I'm just me, awesome mare extraordinaire."

"Uh huh...Vince call you that?" Datura looked up with an angry expression on her face. "Alright calm down." I plucked her statue like body from the top of the shrub and put her on my shoulder. "You really liked him didn't you."

"Ben, I'm gonna give Foxglove the key to your apartment and drug you. I'll make sure Wayne won't have to watch that carnage."

"Eh. She's been humping my leg since she went into heat. So that's been going on for about three days already. I knew it was coming for a while now." We stopped talking as we headed towards the nursery, my future child and pissed of pseudo girlfriend waiting inside.