I sat alone in a carpeted room, dim candles flicking around me as my foals settled in around me. For the first time in weeks, I could just sit and be with them. Foxglove and I weren't talking just yet. I asked for a day or two to calm down, and try to give her some time to sort herself out.

For now I sat cross legged, Castor, Scotch and Wayne bundled together in my lap while the others sat in a few heaps around me. I could reach my hand out and grab any number of tuckered out children, all of them simply happy to be around me, all of them settling in and peacefully oblivious to the dangers that once inhabited this place.

I ran my hand over Wayne's head, transitioning from his head to Castors, then finally to Scotch's, interweaving their manes into a colorful mess. It was peaceful, calming, a good time to think and a good chance to spend some time with my massive extended family.

They looked so calm, so serene. All of it was cut apart as the door behind me swung open. A raspy voice in Thestrali rang out, "Count West...Pyrrhic Av Crag has arrived to speak with you." I looked behind me, finding the one eyed stallion walking over, a strange wooden box tied to his side.

I nodded and pointed for him to sit with me, "Pyrrhic...how are you?"

He walked over and sat next to a pile of foals, "Surviving...."

I let out a warm chuckle and gently removed the foals from my lap, sitting Wayne down between Castor and Scotch, the two hugging my young son and cuddling together against the carpet. "I get that. Long day?"

He rubbed his head as a half awake foal wandered towards him. "That could be said.... The child of Light asked me to speak with you."

I froze mid pet of Castor's blonde mane, "What?"

Pyrrhic licked his lips, "She told me of your argument...she thought--"

I let out a tired grunt as I sat upright, "Well...I fucking told her not to so--"

Pyrrhic shook his head, "My Count...she made me swear on my life to keep what happens next between you and I. But she asked me, personally, to talk with you." He took a deep breath and stood up, turning away, "I will save my gift for later.... But now, your mate, this Foxglove, do you love her?"

His dull rasp was oddly formal, "Yes."

"How much?"

I dragged my fingers against the side of my nose, "I love her enough not to leave her...for now." I rubbed my upper lip before speaking again, "I want to love her...but she makes it hard...really hard."

Pyrrhic spun around, dancing around the foal between his legs like magic. "My Count...do not leave her. Your mate...we--" He locked up, the foal grabbing onto his foreleg and wrapping around him, "I...I have a story for you...a story Light wanted me to tell...a story...she believes will help you."

He looked hurt, clenching his teeth and shutting his eye before going stoic once again, "Long ago...perhaps sixteen years...I met a mare.... I will save you time, I made her my wife, we had a son and she died in birthing." He took a deep pouting breath, "This son...my son...I raised him alone for sixteen years...I was his age when we was born...I had no idea what to do...but I had to try. So I raise this foal for years, little by little he grows into a hard fighter, a strong pony, and a good friend to all."

I cut in, seeing him grow more and more pained as he went on, "He sounds wonderful...but what does this--"

"His sixteenth year...three years ago, he leaves. He goes to live with the house Dusk. He leave us, the hunters, the explorers, for whores!" Pyrrhic stood as stable as he could, his hooves trembling slightly, "I find out...he is homosexual.... I remember three days, three days I screamed at The Mother. Why!? Why is my son different, I will never have a grand child! Why Mother, why must you do this!?" he took a shaken breath and lowered his head, "I disowned him. A public declaration. I rained papers of this for two days, that my son was no longer of my blood."

I bit my upper lip and scooted closer to him, "That's...why are you telling me--"

"The third day...I find out he killed himself." Pyrrhic's voice was cool, cold even, "He- he and his stallion...they slashed their throats. And I realize, this is my fault.... I realize it was my fault. He- he told his whore friends of what I did, of what the town would do when they found out." He lowered his head, letting his mane spill over his good eye, "I...I spend two days crying, and a third weeping blood."

He turned his face up at me, his eye glassy but tears not straying from his eye, "This...was no accident," he pointed to his eye patch, "This...this is for memory, to remember the pain always." He turned away, carefully wiggling his hoof free of the foal, "We all have ones we love...and they will always hurt us. Every being in existence will want revenge, but we, those of power, our strength is great, and our actions will have equal consequences." I could hear him struggling to find his voice, "They will hurt us, Count Wesk, they will hurt us badly. Either through their actions, their choices, their inability or their failures. Your wife...I knew her father, he was a fool as I, unfit to raise a child."

He took a deep, calmer breath, "If you blame that mare for her inability to understand, her need for attention, for release, then you are damning her for things outside of her control. Things can change, Count Wesk, but you must be there for them, lest they- lest they be gone when you realize how much you care...." He turned back to me, mane covering his face, "Ben...let them hurt you, because when you are free of your anger...you will still have them. But when you hurt them back...when you-- It is better to have a little pain, then to lose them...and be consumed by the loss." He turned away, "Do not lose her...hold her by your side...for the pain of failure, is no where near as severe as the pain of their absence." He turned away, dumping the strange box on the floor and walking out, "You should...fix your ceiling...it's leaking."

I looked at where he was standing, beside the box, beside the small orange foal sat a small puddle of water. I felt my heart sink as I looked towards the door outside. "...I...I mean...fuck." I felt my body tense up, my shoulders aching suddenly as his words set in. I tried to think back, imagine my life without Foxglove. It would have been normal, but I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be on this adventure, I wouldn't have children to care for, a life to die for, a son, a castle, a peoples. For each and every incident, each nudge towards madness, it was also a nudge towards something amazing.

I picked up the box, setting the foal into a pile and undoing the latches. Inside sat three things. A crossbow with beautiful engraved metalwork, a bushel of bolts, and a crude black and white picture.

The picture was simple stick figures, water stained purple manes drawn on the dull grey bodies. A child drawn smile adorn the face of the smaller body, the larger wearing an angry face. The paper was thick, stained with age old droplets and a thin smear of red near the bottom right corner. A final piece sent me upright and after Pyrrhic, a small scribble with the name Arrow Av Crag, crossed out by jet black ink.

I ran through the halls, making sure someone would take care of the foals in my sudden absence. I chased after him, springing down the halls towards the main exit. I flung myself outside, jumping into the courtyard and screaming his name, "Pyrrhic!? Pyrrhic, where are you!?" I ran to the end of the yard, stopping at the archway that lead down to the street, "Pyrrhic...Pyrrhic!?" no answer.

I was left standing in the dull moonlight, the parchment drawing in my hands crumpling as my fingers squeezed into a painful fist. I was forced to pry my fingers apart, saving the paper and holding it gently in my shaking hands. I felt the sudden urge to find my sister, my mother, my father, my wife, everyone I cared about. I wanted to be with them, each and every one, I needed to see them, to know they were safe, to know I could see them again.

I needed to know I could see them, I had to be sure they were safe. And so I ran, I ran straight to where Foxglove was resting. I slammed against the rotted wooden door, breaking it apart and falling against the broken stone foundation. She looked terrified, staring at me with a mix of fear and confusion, "Ben what the fuck!?"

I ignored her, charging over and pulling her against my chest. I didn't say anything, I merely held her. I needed to know she was real, I needed to know that that mare locked in her head was still there, that I could still reach her, and that she would try to bring her out. "Foxglove...please...."

She let me hold her, "Ben...I don't- what's wrong?!"

I felt my heart rise from my guts, "Fox...I need you...right now I need you to talk to me...."

She squirmed around, "I thought- but you didn't want to--"

I tightened my grip, refusing to let anything take her away from me, "Foxglove...please, I need you to...I need to just--"

Foxglove pushed off just enough to wrap her hooves around my head, "Ben...I'm here...I'm- I...thinking.... I'm--"

I took a deeply relived breath, "Thank- thank you...." I slowly let her go, "I uh- I needed- I needed to hear that." I rubbed my chest, feeling my heart return to normal, "Foxglove...take all the time you need, but please...find who you are, as quick as possible."

She looked hurt, "Ben...I'm trying...I- I see you...and I feel weird. I have to fight it Ben...I'm really trying now...but it's hard." She lurched forward, "I don't know who you think I am...and I'm scared...when you...when you find out what I'm like without the hormones...without the schemes or the sex.... Will you still love me?" She bit back a small tear, "Ben...I don't know if you'll even like the real--"

I grabbed her, cradling her head against my shoulder and digging my fingers against her scalp, "Foxglove...I stuck with you through the worst...I stuck with you through the abuse, the doubt, the mood swings and the rage, the sex, the fights...if I stuck it through then...I can stand by you if you at least try." I held her tighter than ever before, "Try and fail...try and succeeded, so long as you try...I will be here, waiting for you." I took a deep breath as Foxglove started to do one of the thing I fell in love with, she chewed on my arm, weakly, needily, a calming mechanism. "I know the mare I feel in love with is inside there...just please...bring her out."

Foxglove pushed back, freeing her mouth from my wrist, "Ben...I'm trying."

"I know...I just...." I let her go, taking a step back, "Someone...a story...and I needed--"

Foxglove leaped forward, wrapping her forelegs around my knees, "Ben...you know I'm not going to leave you. Ma'ma's here...."

I took a deep breath. "I- sometimes I need a reminder...of what I saw in you...in this." I rubbed the back of her head, "The warm mare...the one who helped me with my change...the one who carried foals gingerly, the mare that was consumed by whatever mania those drugs put you into." I smiled warmly and ducked down to hold her once again, "And I can see her again...the mare I missed, the girl I saw trapped behind those hazel eyes."

Foxglove pushed back, "Ben...you're being stupid.... Keep talking."

I smiled down at the motherly mare slowly pulling herself back together before me, "I love you...I really do."