Fire.

Intense heat, pain, fire, fire, fire!

“Fire! Fire, fire!” I shrieked, thrashing around in the blankets, unable to even form coherent sentences.

“It’s too early,” I heard as I tumbled out of bed, half wrapped in sheets. “Not in th’ mood to play that game, Lyra.”

I froze, somebody else obviously in my room.

My heart was pounding loudly in my ears, I laid stock still and stared at the ceiling.

The pale custard ceiling that obviously was not my room. Although I was a little more concerned with who had just spoken to me than I was with my ceiling. I scrabbled to my feet; or at least, I tried like hell to. At first, I thought that the fall might have messed up my spine, because I couldn’t seem to get my legs to work properly.

I managed to catch a sight of whoever was laying in my bed though – and I promptly fell over again, because I couldn’t feel my feet. There was no mistaking it, though; I definitely saw what I thought I saw.

There was a pony lying in my bed.

It took me a moment of just lying on the floor the messy sheets before it fully sank in. This wasn’t my bed, this wasn’t my house, and freaking pony!

It probably wasn’t such a good idea to start hyperventilating, but it really wasn’t a good idea to try pinching myself.

My fingers were gone.

There was some kind of high pitched, pathetic whining wail that pierced my ears, before I realized that it had come from me. I was still staring at my hooves – hooves – in complete horror as I failed again and again to wake up before I was lifted up by powerful hands – uh, hooves – that looped under my arms – legs? – and helped me up.

“C’mon, Lyra,” the other pony said, making me flinch as she ran a hoof over my head. “Snap out of it, hon. You had another bad dream.”

Not wanting to upset the pony who was helping me up (aren’t I frickin’ chivalrous?) I just nodded stupidly. A lot. I nodded so much that she stared at me.

To be honest, I really did want the mystery pony to not be upset. Although it was mostly because I was pretty certain that I was going to die here, and it would be caused by my saying something profoundly stupid.

“Gotta – gotta…!” I struggled, my voice cracking like it wasn’t even mine. My hooves shook beneath me, and I nearly toppled over again as I tried to make a run for it. As it turns out, trying to run at top speed without actually figuring out how to work four legs was pretty profoundly stupid.

The cream colored pony sighed when I fell over and started flailing again, almost like she had dealt with my antics before. She helped me to my feet – hooves, whatever – again.

“Take it easy, hon. Go wash the sleep out of your eyes.”

I nodded furiously, shaking like a leaf in the wind. I did manage to take one trembling step at a time, inching forward for fear of falling over again. Much to my surprise, the other pony scared the ever living hell out of me by slipping one hoof over and linking it with my arm/foreleg/thing (I don’t really know what to call it, I’m calling them my arms) and sighed again.

“That way’s the kitchen, Lyra.”

There was that name again.

This pony kept calling me ‘Lyra’. I almost corrected her to insist that my name was Jonah, but managed to bite my tongue at the last second. Even my tongue felt weird, and the inside of my mouth was unfamiliar. I whimpered again, definitely not the manliest thing I’ve ever done. The nice pony managed to finally lead me to a bathroom, though.

“One step at a time, Lyra. I’ll grab the thermometer, you stay put.”

The pony with the interspersed pink and blue mane left me alone in the doorway to a washroom, and I tried to keep from falling over again. I couldn’t help it – I was dizzy. Then again, I was also reeling from shock, so there’s that. I managed to catch myself on the bathroom sink, which was made from some kind of ceramic or porcelain. I can’t really tell the difference, to tell the truth. They’re both fancy things that I’ve accidentally broken in the past by running into them, and that’s all I can say.

I wasn’t really focused so much on the fancily carved bathroom sink as I was the mirror. Or, to be a little more specific, my reflection. Sure, it was hard discovering that my hands had been replaced with mint colored hooves. Yeah, my voice wasn’t my own, and my mouth felt funny, and that was a shock enough. But I guess that it didn’t really sink in until I saw my own reflection.

Or, rather, a mint colored unicorn’s reflection.

I screamed, falling away from the sink in terror and scrabbling away from it. Had to get away, had to get away…!

“Easy, easy!”

I thrashed, caught in the strong arms (hooves?) of the cream colored female pony again. She kept me still for a few seconds while I struggled to wriggle free, fear coursing through my veins and nearly stinging them.

“Dammit, Lyra!” I heard her say in distress. “Snap out of it, wake up!”

I froze again, shivering. She sounded really worried, and kept calling me ‘Lyra’. I might be a little slow on the uptake, but I’m pretty sure that the pony she was referring to as ‘Lyra’ wasn’t here anymore. And I wasn’t home anymore.

I let out another pathetic whimper, curling up in a tiny ball.

The pony seemed relatively relieved that I had stopped flailing around like a dying fish, and kept petting me on the head and speaking soothing nonsense.

Which seemed a little ironic, being calmed by an animal.

I couldn’t really call her an animal, though; she was talking to me, and holding my head in her lap. Talking. I seriously could not wrap my head around that. There was a talking pony, likely some alien life form that –

How did it speak English?

I stared up at her in bafflement, her eyes meeting my own in concern. I’m not going to lie, when I looked up, I swear that I saw my grandfather’s baby blue eyes looking back at me. In all likelihood, though, I was probably just really scared and trying to find anything even remotely familiar to help calm myself down.

“… Are you going to be okay, baby?” she asked worriedly, biting her bottom lip. It was a weird sight, seeing a pony biting her lip in such a human fashion upside down. Although I guess she wasn’t technically upside down, it was just the way I was laying on her lap.

I slowly nodded again, suddenly remembering that normal people blink instead of stare like freaky bullfrogs. I gulped and blinked a couple of times, desperately trying to make a couple of more human-looking emotions aside from don’t-mind-me-I-just-shit-myself.

Or, maybe ‘human’ wasn’t what I should have been trying to appear.

It was all too much – way, way too much for me to handle.

I’ll admit, I really was scared out of my wits. I was actually kind of grateful to the cream colored pony for just being so… well. Nice, I guess you could say. I wasn’t really expecting it.

Then again, I wasn’t expecting to be a freaking pony when I woke up, either.

Once again, I was jolted out of my thoughts when I realized that I was staring again. The other pony leaned over me and nuzzled my nose, holding me a little more affectionately.

I know that it was probably a sign that she really cared about ‘Lyra’, but it threw me off. Well, more than I had already been thrown off. Seriously, this whole ten minutes had been like what I’d expect from a drug trip.

I froze again, lying as still as I could. I know it was stupid, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘play dead’.

Yeah, like that wouldn’t freak her out at all.

I could just imagine it now, my suddenly falling limp with a death gurgle. The pony would freak the hell out, probably dropping me. Or attempting CPR, maybe. Did ponies know CPR? How could they pull it off without hands? I mean, I guess you could do CPR without using your hands, but I suppose that they could use their hooves. Hooves really are weird, when you think about them –

And obviously I was thinking about them a little too much, because it was a full four seconds before I even realized that the pony was kissing me.

Kissing me.

Oh, god, my first kiss was from a frickin’ horse.

I twitched again, held still by the pony with her hooves and… mouth. To be honest, it really wasn’t bad; getting kissed upside down, Spiderman style. With a little bit of tongue action thrown in, I might add.

Not to say that it didn’t still freak me the hell out, though.

Which made for one hell of an internal argument.

I’m terrified… yet simultaneously aroused.

She held me with my head in her lap for a while, just… being comforting. It was kind of pleasant, in a weird, scared shitless kind of way. She kept running a hoof over my hair – or, mane, I guess – just trying really hard to help calm me down.

And I almost did, for a minute. I really thought ‘Yeah, I can do this.’

That’s when I realized that, yeah, I was also a tiny bit aroused.

At my age, every guy has that problem. A very specific problem that tends to make situations awkward by pointing out what hormones are doing to them.

It was probably a lot more awkward discovering that I no longer had that problem.

“MY PENIS!”

“… I’m sorry, what?”

So…

Breakfast.

I was kind of hungry.

I know that might seem a little weird for a follow up, but I’ll consider my awakening a whole lot weirder than anything else that could ever happen to me.

I’ve never made a decent breakfast in my entire life. I mean, I can pour cereal, but that’s about it. I am an absolute terror with a frying pan. After the last few… abominations, mom and dad decided to never let me near the stove again.

It was a really nice little kitchen, with a cozy little place for a couple of little ponies. A wooden table just next to a round glass window overlooking the street, sunlight pouring in past the shades. Little heart shaped decorations in the woodwork, doilies and flowers to match the bright, cheery wall paint. It was almost like something out of a fairy tale.

I guess that the cream colored pony (who was kissing me, in case you forgot) must have taken pity on me (after kissing me) and decided to make breakfast herself (obviously while not kissing me).

Did I mention that I got my first kiss?

I really don’t mean to harp on about it so much, but, seriously.

Freaking pony.

I wonder if that was some kind of bestiality. I mean, that’s kind of gross. Then again, I don’t really have to worry about going around sticking it into any ponies, because there’s… there’s nothing down there.

Actually, I take that back.

It’s just that I’ve got the wrong equipment for the job, if you get my drift.

Yeah, like that helped to keep me from freaking out even more.

Anyway, after Bon Bon (who thankfully said her name once while trying to get me to remember her and calm down) started making breakfast, she let what I think was some kind of oatmeal warm on the kitchen stove while pouring us each some coffee.

Two things.

Well, three or four, actually.

But the first one… uh, first.

Shut up, I’m not eloquent when I’m scared.

First, this pony reminded me of my mom. The way she was just taking care of me with so much affection, it was… well, actually a little touching. Bon Bon was kind of sweet, in a weird, unfamiliar way.

Secondly, ew. It only made it so much more uncomfortable being kissed by somebody that reminded me of my mom. That made me shudder a little. I mean, just… mom. Gross.

Thirdly, I was starting to realize just how badly I was completely boned.

I was in some alien world without my – my – body, stuck living as a pony that smelled a little like apricots. Must have been the shampoo. Did ponies use shampoo?

I ran a hand – uh, hoof, hoof – over my head absentmindedly, thinking about it while staring at the untouched cup of coffee. That was when I met a rather bizarre obstruction.

There was a horn on my head.

It was weirdly stiff to the touch, and clunked against my hoof. I poked it and it felt like… almost like a normal appendage. It was like another arm right there, but really short and hard.

Insert respective genitalia-related jokes here.

I very nearly started freaking out all over again, but managed to keep myself under control. No need to go making Bon Bon panic over my stupid flailing again.

Oh, right, the fourth thing.

Would you believe me if I told you I was more worried about getting my junk back than I was getting home? I mean, you can lose a home. People find new homes all the time.

But, dude. That’s my manhood.

That’s something that you just don’t joke around about.

“-a.”

“What?” I blinked out of my reverie suddenly, having been glaring intently at my untouched coffee with a voice that sounded a little too feminine for my liking. Not like I had a really deep voice or anything before. It was weird (along with fricking everything else) how much smoother my voice sounded, though. I was just getting used to my voice being a little scratchy from the ‘normal’ changes I was going through.

I sincerely doubt that any human being ‘normally’ goes through these kinds of changes, though.

“I said, are you going to drink your coffee, Lyra?” Bon Bon asked me again patiently, finishing the oatmeal and making us a couple of bowls.

“Right, right!” I nodded quickly, desperate to appear normal. I didn’t know what would happen to me if she ever found out what happened to the ‘real’ Lyra, but I was sure that it wouldn’t be anything good. There were a lot of things I was terrified of, but one of the big ones was being… well, I don’t know exactly. Burned at the stake for a witch, maybe.

I immediately tried dunking my equine face toward the coffee and miraculously managed to not tip it over. I did painfully scald my chin, though. That coffee was hot.

Bon Bon stared at me hard for a second.

“I don’t want to be burned at the witch for a stake!” I blurted suddenly, panic growing more intense as I made myself look like more and more of an ass. So much for keeping up appearances.

Wordlessly, Bon Bon slipped her hoof around her own mug and drank deeply from it, never dropping eye contact.

How the crap did she do that?

How did the pony manage to pick up the mug without fingers? I watched her do it again, and I swear she slowed down while I watched. It took some kind of… cupping with the hoof, using them to balance the cup between them. It took me a couple of tries and a lot of spilled coffee, but I finally managed to do it.

I grinned enthusiastically, elated by success as I slurped noisily from my now half-empty cup.

The rest of it was on the table.

“… Are you sure you’re okay?” Bon Bon asked again in concern, placing the oatmeal on the table and slowly reaching for towels.

I noticed that she didn’t actually put mine near me. That was probably a good decision on her part, because I most likely would have just slammed my face in that a couple of times, too.

You know.

Normally.

“Fan-dee-diddly-tastic!” I swung an arm in my best Ned Flanders impersonation, giving her a winning smile. I almost spilled the rest of the coffee doing it, and was careful to put it back on the table.

“I don’t know, Lyra...” Bon Bon said in a mixture of worry and disbelief. “You just don’t seem… yourself this morning.”

“No idea what you’re talking about!” I said with forced optimism, my heartbeat increasing to a painfully fast rate.

Bon Bon looked at me in apprehension, and pulled at the tip of her curled mane in distress. I was surprised at just how bad I felt for making her so uneasy, but in my defense, I felt that I had a bigger reason to feel anxious.

“Still,” Bon Bon said uncomfortably, poking the oatmeal towards me with some butter and sugar. “You make me worry, Lyra. It hasn’t been that long since your last bout of night terrors, and you’ve been strange all morning.”

I laughed robotically, sweat beading along my brow.

“Uh, yeah…” I chuckled weakly. “I probably just… uh, hit my head when I fell out of bed!”

It was a crappy excuse, and we both knew it.

Bon Bon snorted, and said “Just how hard?”

“Really hard,” I jumped on my opportunity quickly. “So hard that I think I have a concussion. Or amnesia, maybe. Who are you again?” I asked hopefully.

Bon Bon gaped at me in horror, and I knew that I’d just royally screwed up.

“What?” she spluttered. “Lyra, why didn’t you say something?!”

“I tried to, your tongue was in my mouth!” I shot back, trying not to cringe.

“Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Celestia,” Bon Bon pulled at her mane again, before letting out a long, agonizingly slow breath of air. “Okay. Okay,” she tried to reassure herself. “We’ll-we’ll finish up breakfast, and then we’ll get you to a doctor as fast as we can.”

I suddenly felt much less hungry.