Twilight Sparkle

“Dear Princess Celestia,” I began to write my letter to the princess, “Space bananas are poisonous. Signed, Twilight Sparkle.”

With a quick messaging spell the written note burst into cosmic dust and shot into space, back to Equestria, our homeland. Normally I'd have Spike to send these notes. But ever since he met Tommy he's never been the same. He moved away and I haven't seen him since. I hope he's okay after the Floran Incident. Most ponies don't want to remember that. All the blood, bodies, and half-eaten remains littering the streets. Those plant people were vicious and murderous with no reasoning. I really hope this village can be reasoned with, but just in case I have complete faith in Sky Buster and Antony to guard us on our diplomatic mission. I've known Sky Buster for quite some time, my big brother Shining Armor was his commanding officer when he enrolled in the Royal Guard Academy. At first he was quiet and secretive, barely talking to anypony. It was only later that I learned that while he was attending the academy his whole family was killed at their reunion when his home country was invaded by Vulcan Sol. I'm reminded by that flavor of brutality when I think of the Florans as well. I never want to see war ever again.

“Princess, are you okay?” Sky Buster knocked on my door.

“Oh hello Sky Buster. Are we all set?” I smiled and he returned with a nod.

“All set ma'am!” he was clad in ceremonial iron armor, reminiscent of old Pegasopolis guard uniforms as he saluted. On his back was a sword and he had with him his old revolver as well.

“At ease soldier,” I saluted back, “How are you feeling today?”

“Fine thank you. I'm glad Dashie's okay. AC should be ready by now, our armor will not only make a good first impression but just in case we get screwed over, we're prepared,” he reassured me, “How's AnY?”

“He's okay,” I blushed, “But let's get to work. We'll have to take one of the ships to get over there in a hurry. I hope you're up to fly.”

“You know me Twi, if it flies then I'm your guy. Let's use your ship, it's a lot less threatening than mine.”

“I agree, my husband should be there right now. Let's go,” we trotted over to my spacecraft parked in a large stone hangar. AnY was sleeping on the couch as Sky Buster and Antony took their place at the controls.

“Regal One to ground control clear the area we are taking off from VTOL mode over,” Sky radioed out as I took my place next to my husband. He was muttering something in his sleep. As the engines fired up he jumped awake from the dubstep that propelled the craft. I had questioned the choice of propulsion before. Technically a sound based thruster unit shouldn't work in space as there is no medium to create an equal and opposite reaction. However since magic is a force that can transcend and alter the universe in different ways then these enchanted engines provided enough output to lift us into the air. AnY rubbed his eyes and tried to plug his ears.

“Give me a break,” he yawned and I gave him a hug, “Oh hallo there! Good morning my Twilight.”

“Good morning. I hope you're all rested up! We've got a very important diplomatic mission to partake in.”

“Oh, and who may we be interacting with today?” his thick German accent always made him sound smart. But I hesitated in my response.

“Promise me you won't tell anypony. We have to make a deal with some Florans...” I gave a serious and straight faced answer.

“Wait-Florans?!” Antony jumped.

“Tony Pony, I know, it's a lot to take in,” Sky Buster placed one hoof on his shoulder.

“I swear plants are out to kill me. Before this all ever happened a tree almost fell onto my house. That was the first instance before those damned Florans arrived. You of all ponies Princess should realize that those are animalistic, savage, and bloodthirsty beasts. And from what you're saying, we are living on the same planet as them?”

“Antony, I assure you these Floran know nothing of Equestria's damage. We can reason with them,” I looked at AnY, “Were you going to add to that?”

“As much as I would like to agree with AC, I have to question why in Celestia's name are we trying to make peace with them?”

“It's a better option than a preemptive strike. Sky Buster and I discussed that course of action in private, but he gave a valid point: we're outnumbered here. We're only fourteen ponies and that village is quite large from his reports. Who knows how many more there are on his planet. Peace is the only option for now.”

“So what's the backup plan if peace can't be attained?” Antony asked from the copilots chair.

“...Then we have to evacuate. Relocate to a new planet and alter our directive to remove and replace our colony,” I felt the ship land and the engines wub down.

“We're here,” Sky Buster opened the door for us, “Let's roll out the red carpet.”

I held my head up high with my husband as we trotted out of our ship. We were both wearing ceremonial attire for peace meetings. My crown, cape, and (reluctantly) my scepter. My creepy... Face scepter... I stood before the crowd of carnivorous plant people, uncomfortable at the way they were looking at us. Sky Buster and Antony shielded their faces.

“Greetings Floran!” I started, “I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria with my prince: Chancellor AnY.”

“Hallo there, we would like an audience with your leader to discuss our arrival.”

We stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes before a Floran clad in a large headdress stepped before us.

“I am chief Bone Ssstabber. What you weird aliensss want?” she spoke in a very sore and hissing tone, like that of a snake. I recoiled back as she flicked her tongue in my face, “Ssspeak now or be eaten!”

“Um, I would like to extend a hoof of peace to your village and open up our trade and commerce. We wish to seek peace and come to an understanding of our differences,” I gave it my best shot.

“Floran weirded out by big wordsss! You sspeak sssmall wordss now!” she hissed at me. AnY took front and center.

“We sell you meat, you don't kill us, make friends?” he smiled.

“Much better! Floran like little alien. Think it ssmell nice!” her hiss became less threatening.

“Oh why thank you,” AnY smiled.

“Floran think it sssmell nice to eat!” the hiss became deeper. I could see Sky Buster start to pull his sword, “But Floran don't! New meaty friendsss!”

I sighed in relief. I honestly didn't think we'd have a chance. Sky Buster replaced his sword and sighed too.

“Here are gifts!” Sky lifted up a basket of cooked meat and placed it on the ground. The Florans swarmed it like piranhas and tore it apart. I was both disgusted and terrified at their speed and ferocity. I was horrified, yet, I had to wonder about their biology, physiology, anatomy, and psychology. I was curious. From my initial observation they seemed beautiful and one would expect them to be peaceful environmentalists. But their savagery and culture are primitive and they were hyper aggressive. It was lucky that we found a tamer village of Floran. The ones we encountered at first showed no mercy, only a hunger and lust for blood that could never be satisfied.

“I still think this is a very bad idea...” Antony whispered under his breath. We all recoiled back at the sight of the Floran eating our gift.

“Good meatsss! Good friendsss!” the chief put both of her arms around all of us and gave us an awkward hug. I could feel slimy half-dried blood on her arms and her breath smelled of rot and decay. I tried to suppress my gag reflex and held my breath.

“We're happy to see good friends yes?” AnY used his charm.

“Yesss. Floran welcome you to planet!” she crossed her arms and nodded, “Meatsss for Pixels! Pixels for meeatss!”

“Yes... Yes... Meats...” AnY started to back away, “I think we're done here. Let's get going guys!”

“Yeah let's get the fuck out of here...” Sky whispered as we got back onto the ship, “Holy shit that... Could have ended badly...”

“I believe my heart has now put up residence within my throat,” Antony sighed in and out.

“Well, I think it's time for a good shower huh? That Floran was slimy. Ugh...” I tried to wipe off the smell of blood and rot off my coat.

We landed just in time for lunch. Pinkie baked us a whole bunch of Derpy's special muffins, only that they were kiwi flavored instead of the blueberries that she'd usually use. Some of the humans were there too, and they shared with us some of their food as well. They gave out a strange soda called Dr. Pepper. It was unlike any drink I've ever had and there was no way I could have possibly described the mix of twenty three supposed flavors contained in that one can. Sky Buster was immediately hooked onto it, which isn't surprising given his affinity with alcohol and drinks of all sorts. He's obviously more in control of it than our resident Berry Punch back in Old Ponyville and I'd say he was more into drinking for the taste. They also prepared something called a pepperoni pizza. It was a large circular pie like dish topped with cheese and tomatoes with an odd meat on top. Before I became a princess I would never have touched meat. I always found it to be disgusting when you think about it: the flesh of an animal cooked and eaten. That was a living, thinking organism once. But that all changed after I met AnY. In his country meat was a staple, so he nudged me ever so closer to trying it. All was said and done after I tried my first German sausage, and it was delicious. It also helps to know the fact that you're eating a feral animal as oppose to a sentient one. Sky Buster highlighted that detail for Rainbow and I and now both of us don't mind eating meat. It has natural benefits sure: more protein, more complete protein, lesser reliance on grown produce in times of shortage, and it's a stable year long resource. When I get back I should raise more awareness on the benefits of meat.

“So, what is in that pepperoni?” I looked at the strange, large sausage.

“Cured pork, peppers, and some secret ingredients. Don't worry, it's safe for your biology. That unicorn over there already scanned it,” Troy was cutting up some to top the pizza, “Over to you May!”

“Thank you! Pinkie Pie!” the girl with the bandana slid the tray over to Pinkie.

“I got it! I got it!” she slipped under her and accidentally dropped the pizza. It was caught in mid fall by Puzzle Piece with magic.

“Allow me,” he gently placed the pizza into the stone oven with magic. Pinkie giggled and pecked him on the cheek.

“Weird horse magic...” Troy looked at Puzzle.

“Um, we're not horses,” I corrected him.

“Oh sorry, ponies... Right?”

“Mhm,” I looked off at the farm area and saw our five pegasi playing volleyball. I smiled at their rapid recovery. I thought about it again, how pegasi have naturally well developed immune systems, rapid healing, and extreme resistance to injury. It stemmed from their warrior past and selective breeding. Only the strongest individuals could reproduce, much like natural selection but at a controlled level in their past society. They were all happy and healthy, you wouldn't have known that Kim and Rainbow were on the verge of death just yesterday.

“Just let that bake for a few. Say, can we have some coal to power our ship sometime?” Troy asked me.

“Oh um, sure thing. How much do you need?”

“One hundred pieces. If that's too much then that's fine,” he continued to make another pizza.

“Sorry, but I don't think we can spare that much coal. The rock farming on this planet is not that great. All we've found so far are basic ores like copper, iron, a little bit of gold, and silver. We were actually expecting much more than this to be honest.”

“Ah, that is because we are on a threat level one planet. Fleshy organisms like us can easily live a comfortable life on this world and the flora and fauna are the least dangerous. But because it's so easy to colonize this world, prospectors and scavengers have already cleaned out most of the rare ore on this planet. Which is the reason why so many Pixel capsules are scattered underground. You may think those are natural caves, but they're actually remnants of Floran mining. You can tell: they like to be messy with everything. Which brings me to my next point: why I needed that coal in the first place. You see that desert planet just hovering above our heads at night? Threat level five... That's were the goods are. You get us some coal or enough fuel to go back and forth and we'll pay you back with interest,” Troy smiled and pointed up at the planet above us.

Threat level one?! This planet was only a threat level one? My friends almost got killed by a banana for Celestia's sake! I have no idea was unimaginable creatures there could be, what strange and horrific beasts lay in wait on the very planet we orbit. I looked to my crew. We were unequipped for anything more than just the most basic of threats. Our weapons and (lack of) armor were no match for that of the humans. They had with them such advanced ballistic weaponry and bulletproof clothe that could repel any one of our attacks, aside from magic of course. If I just ask I could have Sky Buster outline their combat capability.

“So what can we expect to find on a threat level five planet?” I asked, ever so curious.

“Oh the usual,” he tipped his head to one side, “space pirates, mutant animals, giant bugs, the occasional asshole or two.”

He smirked.

“Annnd from our last venture onto that planet, this!” he pulled out a silvery lavender tinted piece of ore, “Titanium... One of the strongest metals known to man. And we found that just near the surface.”

I gazed in wonder at the piece of ore. Titanium in Equestria was rare and could only be mined deep underground. To find a vein on the surface was near impossible.

“And this was just on the surface? What strange new metals could lay in wait beneath the sands of that planet then?”

“Platinum, Aegisalt, and Cerulium probably. We're after those metals to enhance our weapons and armor. The lesser metals we can just give to you as we have enough on our ship to last us a while.”

I raised my eyebrows, “Aegisalt? Cerulium? I've never heard of such metals.”

“That's because they don't occur on threat level one planets like Earth. Or your pony planet I presume?” he checked the oven for the pizza, “Little bit more, gotta have that crust nice and crispy.”

“Um, no. Our ships default setting were set to find planets similar to our own. Our limiters prevent us from teleporting onto high threat planets for a reason,” I explained.

“Where there's risk there is reward Princess Twilight. And up there, in the stars are monsters, psychopaths, pirates, and evil monkeys in closets. But at the end of the day: what you face in difficulty is what you receive in reward tenfold. Once my team and I ran for our lives at the destruction of our planet. Now we are searching the stars for riches. Pizza's done!” he removed the tray from the oven and sliced it with a strange laser pen. He sliced up the two pizzas into ten pieces and handed them off to our omnivores, myself included. As I took a bite it was a fresh and hot, gooey, cheesy, crisp, and crunchy crust wonderful! A string of loose cheese drooped down and I tried to bite it off, only to have more of the stringy goodness pull away. I was trying to fumble around with it using my tongue and AnY looked at me funny. The rest of us had wheat stalks and we were all content for lunch.

For some reason later on that day I felt like the fabric of existence was rocked by a screaming deity. Was it just me, or did I just hear Princess Celestia cry out? I was worried, until a note magically appeared in front of me, addressed from the Princess herself.

“Dear Princess Twilight,” I started to read it out loud, “Nooooooooooooooooooo?”

It was all in capital letters and I couldn't help but giggle, then roll on the floor with laughter. I'm horrible sometimes. And you thought Celestia was the ultimate troll? Bitch please. Aside from that instance the rest of the day was spent reading books about scientific theories and studies of possible space colonization. No one else really did anything today. The farm was abundant, the soldiers relaxed as our new pet drone patrolled the town, Digi and Tommy were playing a video game again, and Ink Rose was recording the day's events. Rainbow, Pinkie, and Puzzle came back to town with more basic ores. I saw them talk to Sky Buster as he took the ore and made something out of it. I was bored so I decided to join in.

“Hey Pinkie, Hey Puzzle, Hi Sky what are you guys doing?”

“Hey Twi!” Sky waved, “Nothin' I was just gonna melt down this ore into some more weapons and armor. The mining tools I made for these two are really helping to gather more ore. I was just talking to them about how I needed to make steel. My furnace isn't hot enough to alloy the iron and I've got no tools to really produce it. I'll need a dedicated metalwork station.”

“Mind if I ask if we can get better guns? Our peashooters are less useful than our iron hunting bows now,” Rainbow addressed her concern.

“I'll see what I can do about that,” I scratched my chin, “What we need to do for Sky is to have a source of controlled heat that can be set to a precise temperature for proper steel production. Something like the engine of a spacecraft or a purpose built steel furnace.”

“Pardon me Princess, but I don't advise stripping the engines from one of our own spacecraft. The only way we could get one is to find or destroy a hostile one,” Puzzle added.

“And those Florans don't have a gun shop either. I just checked with Troy on that bit,” Sky was well.

“And we're out of sugar! Sweet Celestia! WHY ARE WE OUT OF SUGAR!” Pinkie got onto her knees and yelled into the heavens. Puzzle looked at her as she balled up on the ground. He started to comfort her and dragged her back to their house.

“No worries! I'll see what I can do about everything!” I returned to my house, “Spike! Take a-”

I stopped myself. I saw AnY look at me.

“He's not here... Remember?” he paused, “Are you okay my love?”

“Fine, just worried about Spike again is all. That and the townsfolk need a few things done. Can you hand me my list?”

“Sure thing honey,” he gave me my quill and paper and I started to list out the things to do.

“Okay, Sky Buster wants a metalwork station, We need better guns for protection, and sugar cane for baking. Okay, that should be easy. The last bit anyway. Where can I find a crashed space ship?”

“Well why don't we make one?” my husband joked. I rolled my eyes and nudged his shoulder.

Wait... Make one?... THAT'S IT! I grabbed his shoulders and rocker him back and forth, “AnY you're a genius!”

“Wait-what?!” his eyes spun around, “You're not serious are you? Crashing one of our own craft just to have some silly steel?”

“Not our craft... But maybe if we can craft a distress signal we can keep it on long enough and hopefully lure a hostile craft to destroy! Brilliant isn't it?” I hugged him, “Thank you!”

“Um... That's crazy Twilight. You need to ask yourself: is it worth the risk?”

I reflected back on what Troy said and thought about it, “Yes... But we need a plan. Fortify a defensive bunker suited for anti aircraft duties. And think about it this way: we've got two ace pilots who have shot down a hundred or so aircraft between them. I'll need to add that on my list. Battle saddles for Rainbow, Kim, and Sky Buster plus anti air guns for added protection. Maybe the humans can help as well.”

“Now that I think about it, maybe you are on to something just as long as we have the right equipment. We will need to gather enough materials to build them though. However: it would be a lot easier if Digi can find a way to get those damned 3D Printers to work.”

“Well, we can address it in the morning. It's starting to get late,” I yawned, “Coming to bed dear?”

“Oh yes,” he took a rose in his teeth and I giggled.