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I retracted the hilt of the hidden blade from the back of the enemy combatant. I pull the corpse out of the light, into a corner, out of the sight of the other two mares in the room. The two mares looked around for their lost comrade, eyeing the shadows. They were not alerted to the black robed-mare creeping up behind them. Reaching up, I clopped one in the back of the head with my front hoof and the other tasted steal from my blade. The blood trickled down my hoof and pooled across the floor…

I opened my eyes with a shock, bolting up in my pink covers. Its okay Pinkie, I think to myself, only a dream. My dreams had been a lot like that of late. Old memories I had wanted to stay as such, bubbling back to the surface.

I am no longer that mare. I am not Pinkamena Pie. I am Pinkie Pie, chef, baker, partier. Not a killer. I shake my head, feeling like it was swimming in a vat of cupcake ingredients rather than empty air. Perky! Be Perky! Its Twilights birthday! You know what that means!

“Oh god, another party,” I grumble to myself. I used to enjoy my cover identity, throwing random parties for random ponies, for no reason whatsoever. But, I hadn’t been feeling like partying that entire week. What’s wrong with you, Pinkie! Get up, get out of bed! You’re starting to sound like a sorely-sore-mc-meaner-pant. I grumbled and got out of bed.

Walking over to a mirror, I put on my best joyous insanity filled smile, the one I always put on. My mane inflated, just like it always did, into the cotton candy mane, just like it always looked. I sigh. Party!

I smile, more warmly this time. Okay, just go over to Twilights and be your normal cover self. Happy, giddy!

Secretive, deceiving, evil. My mane deflated and I frowned at the other Pinkie. You know you should have told somepony about your past life.

But Celestia told me not too.

Oh, so now she doesn’t trust her ‘faithful student Twilight Sparkle’? You could have talked to her about it; you could talk to her about it now.

Your right, like always, Pinkamena. But I can’t let her worry about it today. It IS her birthday after all. Maybe I could talk to her tomorrow.

You know if you put it off your going to forget. Just like you did two weeks ago, when you wrote to Celestia telling her you were going too. Just because you haven’t gotten a letter back, doesn’t mean it won’t say ‘Okie Dokie Lokie!’.

FINE. I will talk to her after the party. I do still have to plan it you know. My mane inflated back up again at the prospect of a party. I rushed down stairs, saying goodbye to Mister and Misses Cake as I broke through the doorway. As I reached the door to the tree-brary, I was bouncing my normal cover identity bounce. Knocking on the door with my hoof, I waited for my friend to answer the door. Instead, I saw a purple and green dragon head poke out and look at me. His eyes widened.

“H-Hey, Pinkie, what brings you here?” Spike stuttered, his eyes fallowing the bouncing mare outside.

“It’s Twilights birthday, right? Right! So I am here to plan it so that I can be the most fundertasticall party of everness!!! I was thinking of cake and streamers and cupcakes and pin the tail on the pony and cake and streamers and more cake!” I smiled, going into my party façade, my eyes closed in glee.

“W-Well, you see Pinkie, Twilight got an urgent message from the Princess, but she apologizes that she can’t spend her first birthday in Ponyville with her friends.”

“Oh. Can I just come in then? I need to check out a book on cake recipes. Some of them need more flavor, but I just don’t know what it needs.” I was actually checking to see if his story was true, see if Twilight really had left for Canterlot. I had been getting pretty paranoid at what my friends were doing after that incident on the day of my cover identities birthday. I had ACTUALLY forgotten that it was my cover’s birthday, and I was getting pretty anxious at seeing all my friends avoid me.

“Okay,” Spike said, relieved I had taken that so easily. He opened the door the rest of the way, letting me in. He was then promptly shunted out of the way, me running past in my haste to get to Twilight’s room. Slamming the door open, my eyes landed on the sight of Twilight talking with the Princess. I winced when I realized my error, and immediately bowed to the Princess.

“I’m sorry Twilight, I couldn’t stop her, she just barged in and-”

“It’s okay Spike.” Twilight said, cutting off the confused assistant.

“But you said no one-,” the dragon continued.

“I know what I said Spike,” the unicorn said. “Leave Miss Pie, the Princess and Me to talk.”

“O-Okay, if that’s what you want.” He shut the door behind him; glad he didn’t get chewed off. He grumbled as he walked down the stairs, saying stuff like ‘Pinkie gets to talk to the Princess’ ‘not Spike’ and other such nonsense. But it made him feel better.

An akward silence rained over the proceedings. Twilight, I had found out, had been told by Celestia to help a problem arising in Equestria. She had also requested her to get me, which definantly didn't bode well for what kind of problem we were dealing with. Twilight, unknowing of why she had to get me specifically, was perplexed by this, and, being the student that she was, asked her teacher.

Celestia had assumed, due to my letter, that I had told her of my past, and, upon finding out that I had not, went ahead and told her what I did for Equestria the last time she needed me. This, in hindsight, led to some very wierd arguments concerning my sanity, and, in some cases, Celestia's sanity. ]'Lets leave a trained killer in Ponyville!' and then, Celestia decides to send her most precious student to the exact same town as her, specifically to make freinds.

Yes, Celestia is like that. Control and Power! MUHAHAHAHA.

I am getting carried away. Anywho, I walk in right when the conversation is calming down, as much as it could have anyway.

“So, I didn’t realize that when I first met you, you were an assassin that could kill me with her bare hooves, Pinkie,” Twilight said, moving closer to me.

“Uh, Twilight, I was going to tell you but, I kept putting it off. I was scared you wouldn’t like me after I told you.”

Twilight laughed. “I don’t think I would have believed you, Pinkie.”

“I wouldn’t have either,” I admitted. “I’m not the first pony someone would believe stories from. Specifically, war stories. If you think about it, even my cutie mark story doesn’t make much sense.”

“It was the only thing that looked remotely like your old mark.”

“I’m sure,” I grumble.

“So, the Princess has been telling me about what you did for the Celestial Intelligence Agency. And that all of our interactions so far have been mostly a grade-A cover identity so that you could live the rest of your life in peace.”

“My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie. It never changed. I just go by Pinkie, it’s easier that way.”

“Well, my little spy, we need you again,” Celestia looked at me pleadingly.

This made my ears perk. “What?! What did I say the last time you asked. Have the Guards handle your little disputes, not me,” I got a little angry. Just a little.

“Celestia would have the guards handle it, but the pony in question has taken several mega spell explosives, and has threatened to take down Equestria if the mare isn’t eliminated,” Twilight responded for her mentor.

Dammit. “Fine. But I want support on this mission, Celestia, and I want the best.”

“Of course. We will have the Wonderbolts on Station like always, and Twilight will be your new Operations Coordinator,” the Princess said, smiling.

“Good. I also want Dash back.”

The Princess frowned. “Pinkie, Dash was decommissioned.”

I frown. “So was I.”

“No, you retired. Dash was decommissioned.”

“Look, I don’t go out there without Dash flying with the Wonderbolts.”

“Okay, Pinkie. This is just a training exercise. You need to get back in the saddle, and this is the best place to do it,” Twilight’s voice came over the magical device in my ear. It allowed me to talk to Twilight over a huge distance, even through thick plates of metal and iron. “Your mission is to eliminate the mock guards (don’t actually kill them Pinkie, they are Celestia’s guards, after all) then get in and take the jewel and get out. Twilight, Out.”

“Roger that, Priest copies all. Moving in.” The area was darkened by the night and filled with boxes and barrels, meant to symbolize an urban environment. The place was bathed with garish orange light that didn’t travel far by several of the barrels, lit up by some hobo, supposedly, before the palace guard moved in. White coated stallions walked amongst the cargo boxes, talking amongst themselves.

“Why do you think this jewel is so important that Celestia demand we guard it?” One of the guards asked.

“I don’t know, dude. Looks rather fake to me,” the other said. A can fell in the background.

“What the hell was that!” one of them yelled.

“Dude, cool out, it’s just a cat or something. If you’re so worked up about it, why don’t you go check it out?” The other teased, finding it amusing to berate his fellow guard.

“Fine, I will,” the stallion walked off in the direction of the noise.

Crouched behind a barrel, I laid prone, ready to attack my opponent.

Forgot how invigorating this feels.

“Well, good job, Priest. Get back there and help the guards back up.”

I smiled the first genuine smile since I didn’t know when. I found the two guards, one looking pretty bewildered by the whole experience; the other knowingly looked at me. “I didn’t know we had any of YOU anymore, Splinter.”

“Hah. Of course you do. You guys need to work on your guarding a little more.” I lofted the jewel over to the veteran guard. “I know you weren’t trying too hard. But I appreciate you guys being good sports about this.”

“Wait. You’re a mare???” the rookie looked incredulously at me. The vet hit the other in the back of the head.

“Shut up, probie.”

“Why yes, you just got your hindquarters kicked by a female in black...” I teased.

“Why, I ought to.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Probes.”

I smiled. “Well, it’s time for me to leave. Hope to see you in the field!” And I disappeared.

DUN DUN DUNNNN. I thought to myself. I squealed in delight and ran back to base.

“I haven’t been in here in ages, guys! Not since Priest left Third Echelon,” the first Wonderbolt said, Spitfire, her gold and red coloring more prominently displayed without the blue and gold flight suit. Another Wonderbolt followed her, Soarin’, into the room, but, unlike his teammate, was in his flight suit. A third pegasus walked into the meeting room. She had a yellow mane and a white coat, her name was Thunder Bird.

“I was wondering what this was all about, getting woken up in the middle of the night be royal guards to be drug halfway across Canterlot to a secret underground bunker made to look like an outhouse, just so that we can support a pony we don’t even know. But it seems your fine with it,” Thunder Bird looked dejectedly at the other two Wonderbolts, as the rest of the team filed in.

“Right, forgot you were new. The Wonderbolts are not only an acrobatics team, but the main fighter/bomber task team for Princess Celestia. Oh yah, and I know Pinkamena better than anypony else,” Soarin’ said, looking proud about the statement.

“I beg to differ, Soarin’.” They hadn’t noticed the lavender unicorn when they walked in.

“Oh. So does this happen often?” Bird wondered.

“Actually, this is the first time we have been called in, what is it Soarin’, 5-6 years?” Spitfire asked.

“Yah, I thought Third Ech’ was discontinued, but it looks like it’s still up and running.”

“Yep, same old same old. Same Soarin’, same Spitfire,” I said, suddenly coming out of nowhere. I had a grey bodysuit on; it covered my newly changed cutie mark. The mark had changed from the balloons to three green dots, the same marks on the night vision goggles that were propped on my forehead.

“Pinkie!” Spitfire yelled, hugging me.

“Wait, who is this?” Thunder said, eyeing me like I was some flaw in a carefully laid scheme.

“I am Priest, Pinkie, Pinkamena, Soarin’s ex, and the first Splinter Cell. You’re going to be my friend out there, and, more often than not, my savior. If I need something loud, let’s say, GBU-7 Cluster spell, then I call in your guys. If I need a lift from a hot area, quickly, then I call in you guys. If I need a warms caress in the middle of the night, then I call in Soarin’ and not you guys.”

Soarin’ blushed and tried to hide his embarrassment with a front hoof.

“Take your seat guys, almost everypony’s here,” Twilight said, in her new commanding tone.

“Hey, where’s Dash, I thought Celestia would have her here by n-,” I was cut off by an outburst from the door to the Ops room.

“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH” The rainbow-maned pegasus was standing at the door of the room, ogling at her long time idols.

“Uh, Dash, you okay?” I asked, smirking.

“Pinkie? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Uhm, do you remember anything from 6 years ago?”

“Yes! That’s the year you came to Ponyville.”

“No, that’s the year I stopped being a covert secret agent for Celestia.” I actually said that with a straight face.

Dash laughed. “You’re so random Pinkie Pie.”

I face hoofed.

“Dash.” Twilight said. “She is not joking. Why do you think she is here? For the free ice cream?”

“There’s free ice cream?” one of the Wonderbolts asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Wait, if you don’t know, why are you down here, Dash?”

“Celestia told me too.”

“Dash was decommissioned Pinkie,” Soarin’ said. “That means she doesn’t remember ever being in Third Echelon, or the Wonderbolts for that matter.”

“Yah Pinkie! Wait, what?! I was a Wonderbolt? I don’t think I was.”

“Ugh, just sit down Dash, so I can finally get everypony up to speed.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now, the pony named Hoofwork has taken several mega spell weapons from the lab near Trottingham, and, as far as we can tell, has built a fortress and has a veritable army inside. We do not know their weapon capabilities or what kind of security they have, but it’s nothing more powerful than the weapons inside that lab. They have a garrison inside the lab and won’t relinquish it. We have Mareines holding them where they are, but that’s not our focus. We have to find the mega spell locations. We have already started the evacuation of Fillydelphia and Manehatten. Canterlot has been guarded by the Alicorn shield, but we can’t be sure where they plan to attack. We need a look at the computer systems inside the fortress, but we can’t do that from here. We need a mare on the inside, so Priest will go in first, dropped in by Dash. Wonderbolts will stay on station until Priest is extracted by Dash. Mareines will attack then, moving in tandem with the bolts. I will stay here to direct the operation. Any questions?”

Dash rained a hoof. “Who is Priest?”

“That’s Pinkie, Dash.”

“Ok? So she’s going to attack ponies armed with mega spells? How she going to do that again?”

“Dash, Pinkie is trained in the art of stealth. She is also practiced in hoof-to-hoof combat, is effective with a wide variety of weapons, and is an expert with explosives. Priest has done more in combat than any other of her kind, and has expertise that no one else has.”

“You’re playing a prank on me, right? This is pretty elaborate got to give yah that.” Dash commented.

“Horseapples, Dash, this isn’t a prank. I don’t enjoy parties, I hate alligators, the Cakes are a lie, my cutie mark IS NOT three balloons, and I don’t work at Sugar Cube Corner! My pinkie sense is my ability to sense another’s whereabouts by footsteps, the whooshing of debris, small sounds NO NORMAL pony can hear without practice.” I belted on him, and instantly regretted it.

“Oh. So, you’re not my friend then. You’re a trained killer, a psychopath, a mentally weak individual.” That didn’t go as planned for her. I got mad. REALLY mad.

“I take the lives of a few to protect the lives of many. I commit acts of war to preserve the greater peace. I take no joy in killing, but make no mistake; I'll do what needs to be done. Because it's my job. It's my duty. My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and I am a Splinter Cell. A soldier is not of fortune. A soldier can never be fortunate. But IN NO WAY DO I ENJOY KILLING MY ENEMIES. Whether that now includes you Dash, I am still debating.” I looked at her, and then flipped down my night vision goggles. “It looks like I need to prove something to her. Twilight, can we hold off on the mission, and take her to the Arena. And give her something to guard.”

I softly placed my hooves on the metal cargo containers, the soft alloy of my suit hampering the sound of my footsteps. Dash was there, along with three Wonderbolts, all of them fearful of what would happen, scared to death of Priest. Dash wasn’t scared, having never fought with Priest previously. It made her smug, overconfident. She flew above, her eyes not seeing into the din. She flew circles around her objective, Twilight Sparkle. She looked uncomfortable, with two of her friends fighting each other in an open combat scenario.

Soarin’ was first to go down, me tapping his soldier and whispering for him to get in the corner and don’t make a sound. The next was Thunder Bird, looking around where Soarin’ was last seen. He of course didn’t make a sound, just like he was told. Thunder was too busy looking around that she didn’t see me falling from the sky, on top of her. Thud. “You’re out,” I whisper, hopping off her back. She groans a little before falling unconscious. “Take care of her Soarin’,” I say, and take off into the shadows again.

Spitfire is next, guarding Twilight on the ground. She looks around, and then notices a slight ringing. She looked towards the bells, and follows them, curious. Right into my trap. I was behind a barrel, and she walked right by me. “Hey, be a dear, just go back upstairs. You’re already dead.” I whisper to her.

“Horses and strudel. Okay.” She walks back to base.

“HEY DASHY! You’re the last one ‘alive’. Want to come have a PARTY with old Pinkie Pie!” I yell, trying to sound like my cover as best as possible. “Come over to where Twilight is at, and we can talk CIVILY about this.”

A whoosh and a rainbow streak and Dash was there guarding Twilight. She was baring his teeth and looking around, trying to menace the shadows. I giggle. She turns to see nopony there. No Twilight either.

The lights go out. “Hey Dashy.”

She looks around, startled that my voice seemed to be coming from everywhere. I brought my hoof up, and it wrapped around my enemies throat. “I DO NOT ENJOY KILLING.”

“Are you my enemy Dash? I sure hope not. All my enemies wind up dead in the end. But no, you’re my friend, aren’t you Dashy.”

Dash nods. “I just doubted you could take down a fortress by yourself.”

“I won’t have too. My job is going in getting something, and getting out. Oh and by the way, you would be dead if this were real.” I let go. The lights go back on, and we head back up to the Ops Room.

“Okay, we have rocket pods for the Wonderbolts, mounted on the side in a saddle like system, its point and shoot, unlike your GBU-7’s, which drop and speed towards a laser designated target.

“Now, these new weapons have been just deemed fit for the field. We call them ‘Mass Ejection Guns’ or MEG’s. They fire projectiles that are about .57 mm long. The bullet is completely silent, and the Ejector does not make a sound either. This is the MEG 5-7, a weapon that’s attached to your hoof, and fired, via a magical link with your brain. It carries about 7 shots before it has to be reloaded.” Q, a unicorn pony with electric hair, pointed at a slot on the bottom of the MEG. “This is where you put these magazines, and it automatically loads the bullet into the chamber. This weapon is effective at close range only.

“Right, now, I went through the database of the lab that got overtaken. It seems you should expect MEGs as well; a different type that fires larger bullets, a 7.62 mm, and it’s a bit longer. The bullets of the 7.62 do more damage than the 5-7 but they can only carry 3 rounds before they run out. This gives you an advantage if you have the drop on them. They will also probably have 3 mega spell devices to use.”

“Good, nice work with all this stuff Q.” I said, smiling at the stallion. “I will take a 5-7, please. Those seem like I could use them.”

“Right, I will rig up the Wonderbolts with their new weapons.”

“Thank you Q, your always so much fun to have on an Op.”

He blushes. “Right–oh, off you goes then!” He flipped a switch and the door to the hanger we were in opened, bathing them in light.

“Come on, Dash. It will be a short flight.”

Indeed it was, sickeningly so. I had forgotten how fast Dash had liked to go, and for the seventh time in my lifetime I was glad to reach an enemy stronghold. We touched down on the roof, and I jumped out and tumbled, and he flew off, his matte black chariot changing his rainbow streak into a blackened void. We weren’t noticed upon entering, thank Celestia, but it was going to be harder than I thought.

Enemy soldiers made their way through hallways, most armed with the 7.62 that I affectionately named the Bruiser. It was a big old thing in comparison to mine, going all the way up a pony’s leg. I was determined not to get in front of its line of fire.

My suit made my hooves soundless, and I glided everywhere I went, taking down a guard here, a soldier there. I eventually made my way to the main information hub, and accessed the computer. I plugged in a USB into the computers terminal, and Twilight was able to hack into the computer security via magic. It was going to be easy. In and then out.

Brrrrrp! Brrrrrp! Brrrrrrp! The alarm filled the room, and several security doors shut. The only way out was through the double doors. I leapt up into a ceiling pipe, and clung to it, my hooves scraping the metal.

Ponies rushed in, looking around for the intruder. I let one of my hooves fall off the pipe, aiming the 5-7 at my enemies below. Plap! Plap! Plap! Three down. I dropped onto my hooves, taking out the guard that was right under me. “Twilight, how much time left?”

“A few more seconds. Okay, got it. Get out of there Priest.”

“Yah! Right!” I shot at a few more, and my gun went dry. Three more soldiers came around at me, all with Bruisers raised.

“Ah, horse apples.” And I raised my hooves. “I’m captured guys.”

BOOM! The halls filled with explosions, and shots could be heard all around the compound. The Mareines were coming in with everything. Of course, I was weaponless, and now my pink body was left to see, for they took my body suit as well. I was still captured, a gun firmly placed on my temple. Three guards were all on me, guns pointed. They defiantly weren’t taking any chances with me. Another explosion rocked the small fortress, knocking me and the stallion near me onto the ground. Several ponies clad in green came around the corner, raising 5-7’s of their own.

“Its Priest! We need to save her!” A Mareine ordered.

“Right,” the other Mareines said, taking aim at my captors. “Let her go, or you will all die.”

The guards raised their own MEG’s to fire at the Mareines, but they were to late, as they were plugged by the soldiers down the corridor. “Priest! Come with us,” one of the Mareines said.

“Sure.”

“This is Mustang 2-5-1, we have Priest. Require extract via rooftop when available,” the lead Mareine said into his Magical Radio. There was a cackle over the radio, and another voice responded.

“Good, Rainboom is waiting on the roof for you, Sergeant Haze. You will then go with Priest for Phase 2 of the operation. We have Intel on several knew bases constructed by Hoofwork, and we need you there before this psycho decides to launch the mega spells.”

“Okay. Priest, we need to get out of here. Follow us.”

“Right.” I said, running off with Haze and the other Mareines. Now, in the field of battle, adrenaline takes over, your body responds in an effort to save itself. You can’t fall asleep, your senses are enhanced, and every part of your being is in full kill or be killed moment. You act. You survive. Your brain doesn’t process what you do, until after the fact. Its how most ponies cope with the feelings of conflict, of torture, and of your brother’s death. It’s how I lived with what I did. It’s how most ponies live with what they did.

I was thinking about this on our fight through the fortress, my mind free to think when my body acts on its own. We finally make it to the roof, Rainbow Dash standing there hooked up to a chariot.

“COME ON! Lets get going."

I hop on, helping up the other ponies. “Hope you fillies didn’t eat before you went into battle.”

“Why is that?” One of the Mareines said.

“Because I’m the fastest flier in Equestria,” Dash boasted.

“Oh.” The Mareine said.

And we took off. Several Mareines threw up there food on the way through, Dash going near Rainboom speed.

I smirked. I warned them.