A Jar Full of Paradox

by Pandora Paradox

Chapter 1: Dark matter and rage

By P. Paradox

All was quiet on the edge of the Everfree forest. That was until it was interrupted by the shouting of lithe, young, ash and green earth pony mare with a black sock fur pattern, and a currently ruffled mane and tail. On her flank was her cutie mark which was a box with a cat face, cat ears, and a cat tail. The pony in question went by the name of Pandora Paradox, and wore an upset expression as she yelled into the night. Her on edge voice directed towards a manticore in flight, but her angered, and slightly deep voice did little but get a raspberry in return. The manticore in question had already given her a lift over the Everfree forest which was nice of him; however, dropping her from several tree heights up was not. Pandora found herself hurdling towards the ground all the while shouting, “and this is why I HATE FLYING!!!!” before hitting a grassy hill down below with a rather loud thud; mane ruffled even more in the process.

After recovering from the body aching ordeal, she noticed her saddle bag missing and looking up and noticed it was still in one of the manticore’s paws. Angered by gravity and the manticore Pandora shook her front right hoof with objective and bellowed out a loud shout.
The manticore did. The saddle bag hurdled at incredible speed towards the ash pony, colliding with enough force to make her to see stars, but not the stars currently in the night sky. A now dazed Pandora wibbled and wobbled letting out a mutter,” I shooould haaaave… packed lighter”, followed by passing out. As Pandora lay helpless and unconscious, a pony silhouette appeared a small distance behind her; slipping under and hoisted up Pandora’s fame onto its own. The anonymous pony headed towards Ponyville with Pandora still in tow on its back.

As the morning sun rose into the sky over Ponyville a rather groggy pony just started to get out of bed. She walked a few steps, banging her head into a door frame; the collision echoed in the brightly lit room. Only then did she open her eyes to find that the room she was in was not familiar in the least, with walls that looked like glazed candies and gingerbread, and surprisingly so did the bed.

Suddenly, a pink blur sped towards Pandora at lightning speed and started talking just as fast.

On the account of only being half awake, Pandora jumped straight towards the ceiling and hung upside down on it like a cat; regardless of the fact she had no claws to speak of. The pink pony only responded by meeting with Pandora face to face while also upside down. With amazement Pandora said, “I thought I was the only one who broke physics, but apparently not,” ending the statement with rather disappointed tone. Now extremely close and face to face the pink pony responded in a hyperactive manner, “That’s not your name silly. What’s your name? I’m Pinkie Pie.”
“I-I am Pandora, Pandora Paradox and this extremely awkward”
“Well that’s a funny way to say hello.”
“No it is not, and I meant what I said about this being awkward.”
“There’s nothing awkward in between friends.”
“Yes, there is we just meet.”
“No there isn’t.”
“Yes there is.”
“No there isn’t.”
“Yes there is.”
“No there isn’t”
“Yes there is.”
“No there isn’t.”
“Yes there i----,” Pandora sighed heavily and decided to say something else entirely.
“Well then I have a proposition for you Pinkie,” Pandora said grinning a sly smile, “but first thing, can you get off the ceiling first it’s going to take a while for me to get down.” With excitement Pinkie responded, “okie dokie lokie.” Pinkie Pie Shook vigorously, and then hovered in the air for three seconds, turned right side up and impacted the floor with negligible force. Pandora…however, waited for Murphy’s Law to tell her she couldn’t defy gravity any longer, and landed with another echoing thud.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Ponyville two mares conversed.
“I didn’t see Mr. Cake today is he making a delivery in town?” asked a purple mare with a streaked patterned mane of pink, magenta, and purple; whose cutie mark is a pink star surrounded by five smaller white ones. The mare beside her was older and had a pink frosting shaped coiffure; as well as, a yellow coat with a cupcake cutie mark. The older mare replied,
“Oh no dearie, he’s delivering creampuffs to Canterlot castle.”
“Oh,” said the purple mare; wearing a rather disappointed facial expression.
“Sorry Twilight did you need Mr. Cake for something?”
“Well…actually yes. Pinkie pie is throwing a party for a new pony that just arrived in town a few days ago, and I wondering if you and Mr. Cake would cater for said party.”
“Is that what you want dearie?”
“Yes, but can handle it without Mr. Cake around?”
“Sure Twilight, have you forgotten I’m the best baker in town.”
“Right,” and in that moment Twilight’s face glowed bright red, and she started staring at the ground, “how could I forget that.”

Mrs. Cake assured the embarrassed mare with a hug; as a result, Twilight’s face was freed of blush, and her eyes went from focusing on the ground and to their destination. The destination being the small gingerbread themed café known as Sugarcube Corner.

As both mares climbed the dull pink, stone stairs of Sugarcube corner, a noise was heard in the café; however, neither of them were willing to investigate said noise, as it was assumed to be Pinkie’s party planning. The bright pink front door opened with a slight creak, and as Twilight and Mrs. Cake entered the parlour (another noise was heard) similar but not quite the same as the last.
Mrs. Cake set off to start baking for her next job; the welcome party for the new pony in town. Twilight on the other hoof, decided to investigate the unusual sounds. At first Twilight thought the sounds were coming from the kitchen; however, the only pony that was there was Mrs. Cake. Eliminating the kitchen as a suspect, Twilight moved on.
The preparation room, where candies and decorations for cakes are made, was next. Twilight searched top to bottom, up and down the selves, and even in the closet and pantry; but alas to no avail there were no suspects. After checking the entire first floor, Twilight decided to move up the stairs and onto the second floor. She heard the noises again, but this time it was clearer than it was downstairs, pressing her all the more to find here the sounds were coming from. She explored each and every room on the second floor: the bathroom, the hallway, the nursery, and the closet, only to find no trace of anypony anywhere. Stressed from her fruitless searching, Twilight recited her list of rooms to check in Sugarcube Corner out loud.
“I already checked the parlour, preparation room, kitchen, upstairs hallway, closet, bathroom, and the soon to be nursery. The only place left is Pinkie’s room…and that is where I need to be to solve this mystery.”

As Twilight neared the stairs she could hear the sounds again, but the noises actually sounded more like muffled dialogue, and as she started climbing up the staircase her look of concern only deepened on her face. During her adventure to the top floor, Twilight’s face twisted into a worried shape and she began to sweat as more muffled dialogue was heard.
Upon entering into Pinkie’s room, Twilight’s face became filled with shock and horror because in front of her stood Pinkie in a tight, black, full body suit and devilishly wrapped in Pinkie’s hooves was a whip. Pinkie even had her hair straightened, and that made Twilight even more shocked because as she recalled her past experience with certain straight maned, pink pony. After the initial shock wore off, Twilight noticed unlike last it happened Pinkie’s facial expression did not seem any different than usual; it was an expression of happiness rather than anger and sadness.

Secondarily, Twilight’s attention fell upon an ash and green pony on the other side of Pinkie’s room, and this pony was bound to a St. Andrew’s cross, and the pony in question also had a blindfold and a gag on. Twilight’s mouth now agape; had reached a new pinnacle of horror causing her to lose the strength in her legs. She fell to the floor with an echoing thud and caught the attention of everypony else in the room.

Pinkie now conscious of Twilight’s presence turned around to greet her with a smile and question, “What are you doing here Twilight? You said you had nothing planned for me until next Tuesday.” The pink mare said everything in a calm tone; completely the opposite of the current circumstance, and Twilight only responded with quiet stuttering. As a matter of fact, Twilight seemed to not to pay attention to anything. All she did was lay on the threshold of the room staring into infinity.

The pony bound to the St. Andrew’s cross on the other side of the room, felt there was too much silence for it to be fun anymore, so the pony decided to speak its mind. However, what the pony forgot was the gag currently in mouth, and mumbled for a minute before recalling said gag. All this enticed Pinkie to fall flat on her back laughing out loud, with a snort, for five solid minutes before getting up on her hooves and apologizing.
“Sorry about that,” said Pinkie as she wiped a tear of laughter from her face, “It’s just…thatwasfunnyifnotfunnierthenthetimemeandDashiepulledthatprankwithsneezingpowder.”
“Huh? You want cupcakes? Why didn’t say so in the first place silly.”
“A chimey cherry chonga?” said Pinkie in a slow manner; her head tilted in confusion.
After inhaling the largest gasp the other pony has ever heard, Pinkie had the following to say, “Bon-bon is trapped down a well with no hope of ESCAPE...*GASP*…wait how do you know Bon-bon you haven’t even meet her yet.” Pinkie grew suspicious at that moment; she rested her chin on her front left hoof, narrowed her eyes, and her face contorted in a sour manner. And after pondering for a solid minute, she finally thought of conclusion to express.
“…unless are you psychic!?”
The other pony did not responded with any muffled words this time, but instead let out a deep, menacing growl. Pinkie smiled and retorted with, “Now why you being such a sour lemon pillow.” The ash pony, who at this point gave up trying to communicate while gaged, only exhaled a large sigh. Well as large of a sigh that could be made with a gag.
A few grueling minutes later, the ash pony was finally free of the blindfold and gag, but not untied yet. The new freedom allowed the pony to speak for the first time in over thirty minutes, and had plenty to say.
“First of all-Oh wow I can speak again, talk about sidetracking-aaanywaays-why am I still strapped down?” (From the sound of the voice alone it could only be Pandora.)
And once again Pinkie fell on her back chortling like a maniac.

Twilight on the other hand, had finally snapped out of the trance and realized the ash pony strapped down was actually a mare, and Twilight continued to wear the same dumb-founded expression she had worn for the past half-hour. Still paralyzed by the experience, Twilight could only watch as yet another argument broke out.
“It is not funny Pinkie, especially when I need to use the facilities,” Pandora said with a highly annoyed tone.
“You know the restroom, bathroom, washroom, lavatory, the toilet.”
“Why are you being such a grump?”
“I have a full bladder! That usually makes me grumpy; especially when I can’t empty it.”

With serious thought engagement; Pinkie just sat there pondering. Scratching her chin with her front right hoof. Suddenly, an illuminated light bulb suddenly came into existence above her head. Pinkie had finally put two, two, and two together about the current bladder issue, and walked up to the giant X; tapping it lightly on the side. The light tap was somehow able to make the whole device fall apart, releasing the ash coloured mare it had in its clutches.

The now freshly freed Pandora humbly said, “Thank you,” before breaking the land speed record in the quest for the toilet. Upon her return, Pandora had decided to complain about the hat system rules. Pandora spoke in a tone that was deceiving of her true feelings.
“Why was that even in the hat?”
“Well you see, thehatsystemworksbyeveryponyintownwritingdownanidea.”
“Uh-ha…who suggested a bondage scene recreation?”
“Let’s see,” Pinkie pulled the hat in question out of nowhere; the hat looked like a chocolate fudge sundae.
Pandora stood there and imagined a drumroll as Pinkie found the sheet of paper, and removed it from the hat.
“It was Fluttershy.”
“That’s right you haven’t meet her yet. I have to introduce you to everypony in town.”
“Maybe later. What is Fluttershy like?”
“Well, she’s shy and quiet.”
“It’s always the quiet ones,” Pandora mumbled under her own breath.
“Nothing at all.”

At this point in time, Twilight finally regained all of her composure and had an awful lot to say to both mares.
“What is going on here?” she said with voice bordering on anger.
“I thought the new pony in town would be kind and mature pony, but instead I find her talking one of my friends into sexual favours to…to…to satisfy some weird desire of hers!” Twilight’s voice now grew louder, it seemed with every syllable.
“DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, MARE YOU SHALL NOT BE NAMED?” Twilight’s voice was now at the level of the royal Canterlot voice.
“…” Pandora was absolutely speechless from the shock of hearing such a loud bellowing voice.
Twilight resumed her angry rant, “As for you Pinkie. STAY AWY FROM THAT SEXUAL DEVIANT, SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU!”
Pinkie’s face scrunched into shape that spelled sadness and her eyes began tearing up as she began speaking, “B-b-but Twilight it wasn’t like that,” Pinkie’s eyes were now full-fledged waterfalls. The dual waterfall waterworks smothered Twilight’s flaming anger, and with the purple-red-purple sequence out of the way, she now sat down beside Pinkie and gave her a hug and a pat on the back as she apologized, “I’m sorry Pinkie I-I didn’t mean it.”
After Twilight gave a sincere apology to Pinkie, she slowly clip-clopped over to the other side of the room, confronting the other mare; albeit with a less threatening aura about her. Crossing eyes with the other mare, Twilight spoke out in a more or less crossed tone, “As for you do you have anything to say?”
“I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wanted to play pick-a-random-activity-and-do-it with another fun loving pony. Maybe I should not have played along with the obviously wrong activity.” Her voice ever so honest and apologetic.
“Tell me what happened.” asked Twilight.
“Well it all started last night, after I was knocked out by my own saddle bag-I wonder where it is-anyways…that’s right after the whole getting-knocked-out-by-my-own-saddle-bag incident I awoke here.” Pandora pointed towards the gingerbread themed bed, currently in the corner of the room. Continuing her statement, “Next thing I knew I got out of the bed, walked around for a bit, smacked my head on the doorframe,” she shook her hoof at said doorframe, “After that a bolt of pink lightning speed towards me, and then I jumped towards the ceiling, where I hung upside down-that must have been my chaos powers at work.” Twilight interjected at this point by saying, “Wait did you say chaos powers, I’ve never heard of that before.”
Pandora sternly responded with, “Are you going to let me finish my story or not.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Anyways, back to the story. After Pinkie and I introduced each other-albeit in a very awkward manner-I thought we could do something together-being fun lovers and all-so I suggested a random activity, and she brought out the fudge sundae hat. And, that is how this whole thing started in the first place.”
“O.K.,” said Twilight, “Let me get this straight. This whole thing was a big misunderstanding and never were a sexual deviant to begin with, and also, Pinkie why is your mane all straightened?”
Pinkie responded not with words but actions; she lifted one of her front hooves to her mouth and made the motion of blowing into it, and with a big POOF her mane was curly again. And, in her usual hyperactive manner said, “Is that better Twilight?”
Pandora interjected, “Back to the conversation at heart, all of the story is true.”
“Really?” said Twilight, definitely withholding her enthusiasm.
“That is right.”
“Then I apologizes for my earlier behaviour, I’m sorry about thinking you slept with Pinkie.”
“Well I slept with her Twilight,” Pinkie Pie interrupting the conversation in progress.
“Wha-Wha-Wha-What!” Twilight now looking back at Pandora.
“Well, where else was she going to sleep when I brought her in?”
“Hey! I was unconscious not asleep” Shouted Pandora.
Twilight just rolled her eyes in manner saying, it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie, instead of voicing any more complaints.

After all was said and done, and stories were shared among the three mares about the journeys in life; Pandora giggled and said, “By the way, where is my saddle bag?” Twilight finally gathered the confidence to say, “Was the saddle bag near the edge of the Everfree forest yours? Because I was walking with Rarity, when we saw a saddle bag on the edge of the forest, and I couldn’t lift it with my magic and neither could Rarity. What was in your bag anyways?”
“Oh…just a dollop of dark matter.”
“Dark matter!”
“Anyways where is my saddle bag?” Asked Pandora before Twilight could utter a rebuttal.
“It’s at Rarity’s. Why?”

Author's Notes:

I might try to plead that you wait patiently, but that pointless. Anyways I repeat again. Every chapter will have a slightly different style to it, and if you don't like that sort of thing then go ahead and leave. I'm not stopping you. I will have cameos later on in the story (not crossovers), so enjoy them as they come. I will be writing other stories too, that do not relate to this, so wait for the ensuing chaos. It's CHAOS BABY!

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