The sun beamed down on the gardens behind Canterlot Castle, gently warming my back as a brisk wind ruffled my well-styled mane. Despite the mild weather, a sweat built up on my brow, probably because of the tight red dress my mother had put on me. I rearranged my little golden tiara before it could slip off of my head. Shuffling nervously in my roller skates, I stood in line and waited for my turn in the first Canterlot Beauty Pageant.

My mom had wanted a little filly to pamper ever since her mom died in a chariot accident. She was never able to be pampered because she had no sisters and her dad didn’t have any time for her; she thought that something a filly has a right to was being pampered by their mother, and from then on out she made it her goal to get a filly and give her what she deserves. It wasn’t until she got out of the house that she could pursue her dreams, and there is little to say at the disappointment she felt when I was born, but since, Dad wasn’t around, I was entirely dependent on her.

I did everything a baby would do to get their mother’s affection, from flat out crying to snuggling close when mommy read one of her love books. She’d always wrap a hoof around me, but it always felt wrong, like I was being hugged by a snowman on the beach. It was like she didn’t want to be bothered by me; always silently complaining at how I was a boy, not the girl she dreamed of having. She went through the motions of being a mother, from feeding me to putting me to bed with a bedtime story, but that’s all they felt like, motions; robots could go through the motions, I needed love, something a robot couldn’t give.

When I was two, I found Mom’s purse and like any two year old, started to dig through it. Digging through the leather trimmed exterior, I found her plain white bit bag, threw it onto the ground, followed by her checkbook, pocket mirror, notepad; I tossed just about everything until I found her pink lipstick. I remembered watching Mom put this on through her bathroom mirror and soon began to cook up a plan, maybe if I looked like her than she’d love me.

I quickly looked for one of her sets of high heels, that little tiara she wears whenever she goes out drinking with her friends, and a mirror to put the lipstick on.

When I was spotted I thought she was going to punish me, but she didn’t yell, she just looked at me. I thought the mare I felt her judging stare, questioning my actions; the gritty taste of the lipstick blared up, and I felt like it had made my face a target for her hatred, but when she did move, she didn’t hurt me nor yell at me. I knew my plan had worked when I heard that happy gasp she only used when her friends bought her something new, or, Sunny Skies agreed to watch me. She rushed up to hug me and this time I felt a sort of warm glow in her embrace, something I never felt from her hugs.

“You’re a genious, Orion,” she said, her tone lathered in honey.

Soon after that she started to dress me up in frilly outfits, mostly red dresses since they complimented my yellow fur. With this came the undying love a real mother gave, and her laugh had changed too; whenever I fell into the pile of used dresses, she would laugh and this laugh wasn’t dry or forced, it was real, I finally had my real mother all to myself. Soon I got the nickname “Gemini” and whenever she called me that, my heart seemed to burst.

Now I watched Mom talk to another pony, her bright green fur swaying as she rocked back and forth in either impatience or nervousness, I couldn’t tell. Mom’s fiery red mane flowed in the wind with the kind of grace you’d get with a professional ice skater.

The pony she talked to was a brick red unicorn pony with dull gray eyes that looked like the sheet metal Mom showed me on our outing to the hardware store, and a royal blue mane tied up in a ponytail— she wore a bright yellow vest that made her look like a pony who jogged late at night and didn’t want to get run over my passing taxis, with simple button letters of P and C which stood for “Pageant coordinator.” The strained look on her face told me that she wanted to end the conversation.

I heard tidbits every now and again, but I was quick to lose focus; I stared at Mom’s red jacket, the same jacket I’d suggested she buy. It was the first time I ever had any influence on her decisions and that made me feel so special. My body felt like it was covered in a layer of frost, I didn’t want to go up on the stage not because I was ashamed with looking like a filly, but because there was supposed to be about twenty ponies watching me. Seeing it on her melted that frost, and whenever I saw Mom’s flowy red mane and majestic green coat, I remembered how warm and jolly she made me feel whenever she was near. The smell of pine needles, the brush of warmth from the fire, and the loving company of my mom always cheered me up. I loved Mom, and wanted to spend everyday with her: learning, laughing and enjoying time together. My legs calmed down a little and I felt my heart slow; Mom was my god, the pony I revered more than Celestia herself, and whenever she was happy, so was I.

A lot of the fillies had left the stage bawling in their mother’s arms, and the only response the audience seemed to have was to laugh. Mom said they don’t laugh at the ponies, but with them, yet, it didn’t feel right; why would anypony laugh at another’s misery? Mom said that it was because they loved them and wanted to help them grow, kind of like water to a dry plant. I was afraid to get laughed at, and started to nervously shift on the grass, feeling my ankles rub up against the insides of my skates. The air became thicker and I could feel it press me down like a little filly sitting on my head. I waited patiently for Mom to come back from talking to the pageant coordinator, but I couldn’t ignore the fear that was beginning to clamber up my throat. I heard filly after filly scream in either shock or pain, followed by the crowd laughing. It made me think, Mom lied to me, but everytime, there were at least two ponies who’d stop their laughter to come help whoever fell, and that made me feel better inside, if only a little.

I had a minute or two until I was called up, and I was really starting to doubt myself. What if I trip on something and make a fool out of myself, I don’t want to be laughed at by those mean ponies, I wanted a good luck hug from Mom before I had to go.

Finally, Mom started to come back and I couldn’t help but run towards her, nearly tripping on my roller skates as I sauntered I saw her beautiful blue eyes twinkle when her’s met mine, and I ran faster.

“Oh, too bad, Tracy, we all thought you had that jump,” the speakers boomed. ”Next up... is

No, please no

“Gemini Cutler.”

I froze, my legs going stiff mid stride, which caused me to tumble straight into Mom, and we both fell to the ground.

“‘hic’- I don’t wanna go, Mommy,” I sobbed, clinging onto her mane as tears flowed from my eyes. “Please don’t make me go.”

Mom seemed to notice that I scraped my knee on a few small rocks and kissed it. The little bit of pain disappeared under her love. I swore she used magic whenever she kissed my boo boos away, but her horn never glowed.

“Relax, Gemini, and tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice was like an immovable rock in the raging storm that was my head, giving me a moment to breath as I got out of the emotional rapids. I could smell the lavender perfume she put on this morning and when she stroked my back I could feel myself shaking less and less.

“I don’t want to ponies to laugh at me, Mom.” Just hugging her was able to calm me down.

“Do you remember what I told you about that?”

“Yes, but I still don’t want them to do it.”

Her legs wrapped around me, becoming impenetrable walls that protected me whenever I had a nightmare or was bullied at school. “Gemini, we are ponies, linked by love. No matter how mean someone is on the outside, they will always love you and have your best interest at heart on the inside.”

My fears began to die away, and I started to believe that she was right. The ponies really did care about me.

“Feeling better?”

I wanted to wrap my hooves around her, but I couldn’t unless I wanted to use her as a roller skating rink. “Yes, thanks Mom.” confidence poured in and I started to feel like I could do this, maybe even get a medal!

“Calling, Gemini Cutler, you have two minutes to get up on stage or you are disqualified.”

“That’s you, Sweetie, now tell me your routine before you go, okay?”

I stopped, I didn’t know my routine, I’d make a fool out of myself for sure if I don’t even know my routine. I began to shake again, and started to wonder why drama followed me like in the books Mom lets me read.

Mom saw how worked up I was getting and pulled into another hug, taking me by surprise. “I take it you don’t know.” I meekly nodded and hid my head in her coat. “Stop worrying, Gemini; all you have to do is go: left, right, up and down, and when you finish, I’ll take you out for ice cream!” Again, I felt confidence stir in me; I got up, shrieked when Mom gave me a surprise hug, and walked to the stage before my nerves got the better of me again.

I could feel the old wood jostle underneath my hooves as I made my way up the two stairs in front of the tattered red curtain, the kind from the throwaway basket in the local thrift shop. I looked to my right and found the same coordinator that spoke with Mom, her red hair tied back with a pink bow. She really looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here as she searched for something to take her mind off the bumbling fillies she was in charge of coordinating. It was then that I realized something... knowing the routine and doing it were two completely different things.

I took a deep, shaky breath and watched for the coordinator’s signal.

“Last call for, Gemini Cutler.” The coordinator gave me an carefree ‘go ahead’ sign, and after taking one last deep breath, I went through the curtain.

A sharp bright light blinded me; the sound of chattery adults made me feel smaller than I really was; the hastily built stage creaked under my hooves, making me feel like I was on a trampoline instead of a beauty pageant stage. I could hear the last filly crying in her mother’s arms.

Why don’t ponies bleed, Mommy?

I flinched, where did that thought come from? I had only recently learned about blood from one of Mom’s hidden books. It’s supposed to be a sticky red liquid that flows through us all, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to make any appear.

Because, Orion, Ponies use love in more than one way

“Gemini is the lovely daughter of both, Polaris and Leo Cutler,” The announcer pony said. “Watch as her vibrant red mane flows gently in the wind. Stare in awe as her tight fit red dress clashes blodly with her glittery yellow coat. The tiny tiara perched on her head brings her vibrant red eyes out. ”

Did all of the fillies get this kind of an intro? I couldn’t remember.

“She’s going to do a roller skating routine while keeping that little tiara balanced on her head. Good luck, Gemini, the stage is yours.”

I waited for the announcer to get his speech out of the way before I opened my eyes. I knew how pretty I looked from the endless times Mom told me, but felt a little embarrassed when he mentioned my red eyes. as they were the main target ponies hit when I was bullied. Ponies called me ‘the apple’, a term ponies from Canterlot used to describe country ponies, or ponies thought to be rude and messy; it happened at recess, in the classroom— there was that one time where someone threw a bruised apple at me.

I looked at the crowd to see their reactions, but when I did, my limbs locked into place; there were at least a hundred ponies out there, way more than the predicted twenty or thirty Mom said. It looked like a technicolored sea with blue islands and green forests mixed in; hundreds of eyes connected with mine, maybe they noticed that I wasn’t what I look to be. A colt in a filly’s show; I felt like I had just raided the girl’s bathroom. Those eyes were judging me, waiting for me to show my true self so they could get another laugh.

They laugh because they care, I heard, Mom say

“Did the fillies at school laugh because they cared?” I muttered to myself, feeling the weight of their stares.

“Aww, looks like, little Gemini has a case of stage fright everypony,” the announcer said, heat rose against my cheeks.

I closed my eyes again and tried to think of what I had to do. Dodge left, dodge right, up, down and you’re done. “Okay,” I said to myself. “Mom said I didn’t have to win, just go through it. I think I can do that.“

No, have more confidence in yourself, Orion, you can do this. You’ll wipe that smirk off of everypony in the audience and win this.

Confidence slowly built in my chest again, and I started to move, hearing my skates clack against each board. I tentatively swerved to the left, feeling the crowd cheer me on. Gaining a little more speed, the clacking increased, I dodged to the right, and tensed my body for the jump. I thought about my tiara and how I couldn’t let it fall. With one last cheer, I jumped, everyone of my legs fully outstretched for the briefest of moments before returning to normal. I felt like I was on top of the world, ready to kiss Princess Celestia on the cheek as I took the role of King, and inside, I actually believed that would happen. However, the sensation passed, and I started to fall to the ground.

I tried to relax my legs in order to absorb the impact better. I was enjoying the crowds approval, basking in the limelight as I prepared to end my performance and claim the gold medal for myself.

My landing was flawless, the clacking came back with fervor and I felt my tiara land back on my head; I wondered why I thought this was so scary, it was awesome. That sensation didn’t last long though.

As I clacked along the stage, I started to duck under an imaginary suspension bridge when I hit a bump in the road.

It wasn’t just a bump, but a rusty nail sticking out like it was trying to give me a high five as I passed. But the front of my roller skate clad hoof hit the nail at full speed, sending me tumbling straight into the yellow vested pageant coordinator.

“Aww, come on ponies, let’s give Gemini a round of applause for her bravery” The crowd of ponies agreed and gave a roaring applause, but soon after they laughed at me, just like the rest.

I laid on top of the coordinator, who seemed to have my tiara and one of my skates stuck in her mane like dust bunnies in a wad of chewed bubblegum. I heard her groan, a sound I didn’t think such a small pony could make; when she opened her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t happy to see me.

“Get off of me.” she shoved me to the ground with more strength than I thought a small pony had. I felt the grass itch my legs; I didn’t come to a stop until I hit one of the stage’s legs. Finally was I able to hear the crowd laughing at me. I didn’t want to cry, if I did then they would only laugh harder. No I would just wait for Mom to find me, but that encouraging thought only sustained me until the searing pain began to tear through my leg. It was like someone started a little fire under my skin, and I couldn’t help but cry. I just wanted Mom to get here so I could leave this stupid place.

Thankfully, she didn’t take too long and I soon felt her comforting legs wrap around me.

“Gemini are you okay?” She held me at legs length and looked deep into my teary eyes as she checked for any injuries.

“N-no, m-my leg hurts, the ponies are l-laughing at me and that one pony threw me into the stage,” I said.

Mom looked at my leg, giving it another one of her kisses, and again making the pain vanish. “Does that feel better, Sweetie?”

The two ponies who constantly came to help the fallen fillies were for once, beaten to the punch by Mom and left.

I sniffed, “Y-yes, but the ponies laughed at me”

“Remember, they are laughing because they love you, and the pageant coordinator told me that she was having a really bad day, but it’s all over now that i’m here.“

My tears started to lessen again and I felt accomplished; I had gone through the pain and laughing ponies, coming out on top. Maybe Mom did have a point when she said they weren’t laughing at me.

“Well, you might not be in the winner’s circle, but you’re still a winner to me.” She nuzzled my upside down form before putting me right side up on her back. “You were really brave back there Gemini, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

I all but stopped crying when I heard, her compliment me like that. It brought the warmth of her love to my heart and we started headed for Donut Joe’s donut shop, which recently added some of the best ice cream to its menu.

I hugged her neck tightly in response. “Thanks Mom.”

“Great, now let’s go before the spell wears off.”