Login

The SweetieMash Chronicles

by Justice3442

Chapter 22: Chapter 22:  Fast Times at Discord High

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

The SweetieMash Chronicles

Chapter 22: Fast Times at Discord High


Discord grinned mischievously at the brown colt sitting on his haunches in front of him. Button simply looked up at Discord with quiet anticipation, his trademark beanie continually spinning. Though, if this actually meant there was a breeze wafting through Ponyville was anypony’s guess.

“So,” Discord began, “I take it you’ve spent hours of your time simply gazing lovingly at the potential target of your affections? Hmmm? All the while wishing she’d so much as glance at you, giving you the faintest hint that she even knows who you are?”

“Huh?” Button replied in a confused tone. “Oh! Sweetie Belle knows I exist.”

Discord stroked his beard a couple times. “I see… So you’ve at least gotten to the point where you’ve exchanged awkward pleasantries with the girl? No doubt stammering your name to her and leaving a terrible first impression that almost made you give up hope entirely that she’d ever be with you? Hmmm?

“Uh… I talk to Sweetie Belle all the time.”

Discord furrowed contorted his brow in confusion with just a touch of annoyance. “…Oh?”

Button nodded. “In fact we played video games together earlier today!”

Discord rubbed one of his furry digits under his lower lip and soon began picking at his teeth. His body tensed as the conversation continued to go in a rather mundane direction, as far as he was concerned. “So… this is more the tale of the love-struck friend who desperately wants a relationship to be more than it is, but fears taking that first step could forever destroy such a cherished relationship?”

Button pondered this for a moment. “Well… mostly I’m just afraid she doesn’t like me back. But I mean… even if she doesn’t, I’m sure we’ll still be friends.”

Discord sighed heavily as he pressed his lion’s paw against his forehead. “Kid, you’re giving me a splitting headache…” He declared as his head split in two and out popped a miniature-sized Discord holding a spear and a round shield. The small Discord quickly grew as the Discord he had just emerged from continued to split, falling to the ground like an empty husk. “You simply have no flair for the dramatic!” Discord declared as he threw the shield and spear away, this act accompanied but the sound of a startled cat. “If you’re going to have a touching and interesting romance, there needs to be something at stake…” Discord smiled as he kicked at the husk of him at the ground with his one cloven hoof, flinging the now blanket-like mass away. “Say… there wouldn’t happen to be another little foal interested in adorable Sweetie Belle, would there?” Discord grinned wide. “Perhaps somepony bigger, more attractive, and richer than you?”

“Uh… No?” Button said. “The only foals Sweetie Belle hangs out with are Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and me.”

Discord knit his brow until his bushy white eyebrows met in the center, began to flap wildly, and flew from his forehead. “Well that won’t do at all!” Discord exclaimed as he pulled out a water can from behind his back and poured it over his forehead, causing it to sprout small white hairs that quickly grew into a new pair of bushy eyebrows. “A good romance requires a rival love interest you have to confront… and challenge for the sake of your would-be significant other!” he declared.

“Well… I’m good at video games!” Button said excitedly.

Discord scrunched his lips up slightly. “Hmmm… I was thinking more downhill skiing…” he said as a cloud appeared above his head that quickly dropped a foot of snow. Discord brushed away the powdering substance, revealing he was now wearing skis and a flannel ski jumpsuit.

Button frowned. “I don’t know how to do that…”

“I see…” Discord said. He unzipped his ski suit revealing a leather jacket. Pulling out a black plastic comb, he ran it between his horn and antler, causing a well-coiffed head of slicked-back black hair to pop up. “Perhaps hot rod racing is more your speed?”

“… I don’t know what a ‘hot rod’ is…”

Fine!” Discord growled out. He grabbed his jacket with his eagle talon, and with one swift movement, lifted it, revealing a sleeveless black gi with gold trim and an emblem of a fist in a yellow circle with the words ‘No Mercy’ printed in red above it. “Then how about a battle for young Sweetie Belle’s affection using the ancient art of karat-hay?

“Oh!” Button said excitedly. “I’ve had lots of practice on that!”

Discord’s face lit up like a Hearth's Warming tree, literally. “Really?”

Button nodded. “Uh-huh! Lots of fighting games have ponies that know karat-hay!” He bent his knees. “I’ve been working on my hurricane kick!” Button declared before leaping into the air. Button spun and kicked out both hind legs. “TasumaaAAAHHH!”

‘Thud!’

“Ooofff!”

Button landed on the ground in a heap.

Discord’s face burst into flames like an under-watered Hearth’s Warming tree that had caught fire from too many hot lights strung around it, literally. The very real fire soon spread to his black gi and engulfed it. “I doubt you’ll be putting many ponies in a body bag with moves like that,” Discord quipped.

Button scrambled to his hooves and gave Discord a distressed look. “But I don’t want to kill anypony!”

Discord smirked. “Hmmph, I take it you haven’t had much experience with bullies, then?”

“Well, there was this one time a couple of ponies bullied me, but then Sweetie Belle almost blew them up with magic.”

Discord’s eyes widened slightly. “Yes… well I can see how that can give you a slightly different perspective on the topic…”

“They pick on Sweetie Belle and our other friends, too.”

Discord’s expression hardened. “Oh, really?” he said in a dark tone.

Button nodded. “Yeah… but I think my mom tried to teach them the value of friendship.”

“Ah, so now they’re model, or at least, tolerable members of society?” Discord said as he recalled his own lessons in this regard.

Button shrugged. “I’m not sure… My mom hired Pinkie Pie to be their friend for a week… I think they’re now just mostly afraid of Pinkie.”

Discord cringed. “And here all I would have done was reverse their digestive system.” He shook his head. A wicked smile suddenly broke out across Discord’s face. “Well, perhaps you simply need the proper motivation? A little crash course on ‘bully experience’, if you will.”

“Oh boy!” Button said excitedly. “Getting experience is just what I need to level up.”

“Right, just going to power through that one,” Discord replied. He leaned down, placing his talon and lion’s paw on Button’s shoulders. “What you need to really see what it’s like to be harassed by someone bigger and stronger than you.”

Button frowned. “Well that doesn’t sound like fun.”

“Oh, it’s the worst!” Discord said. “However, hopefully this will really light that fire in you and get you to really deck that bully in act three!”

“I… what?” Button said as she looked around. “Are we… Are we making a play?”

Without warning, a line of lime-green lockers popped up out from the ground as an orange shirt, blue vest, and jean shorts appeared on Discord. A bell rang from somewhere overhead.

Button perked up his ears and glanced upwards. “Wait... where’s that even…”

Without warning, Discord bent down and grabbed Button’s chest, and hauled him up.

“Eeeep,” Button uttered as he was now on eye level with a fully upright Discord.

Discord raised his talon to his muzzle and cleared his throat. “Ahem… Now…” Discord said in a threatening tone, “…give me your lunch money!” he said as he pulled Button closer, so that the young colt could practically feel the Discord’s hot… no, cold… no, hot breath on his face.

Button swallowed. “It’s… it’s a not even a school day! I don’t have any bits on me!”

“Oh right!” Discord said as he sat Button down. He reached into his jean shorts and pulled out a couple of bits. “Here you go,” he said as he handed them to Button.

“Thanks!” Button said as he accepted them in his hooves.

Discord suddenly reached down, pulling Button back up to his level. “Now… Give me your lunch money!”

“Right, here you go,” Button said as he hoofed over Discord back the bits.

Discord held up Button with his eagle talon as he stuffed the bits back in his jeans with his lion’s paw. “There! Now wasn’t that terrible?”

Uhhh… It was mostly confusing…” Button said.

Discord frowned. “Well that won’t do! You’re supposed to feel seething anger towards me!” Discord continued to hold up Button as he rubbed a digit under his lower lip. “Hmmmm… perhaps if I shove you into a locker.”

“Button, sweetie?” Love Tap’s voice called out. “Are you over here?”

“Over here, mom!” Button called out.

Discord sighed. “Now what…?”

Love Tap rounded the side of a house. “I just wanted to let you know din—” Love Tap’s eyes shot opened wide as she witnessed the Lord of Chaos holding up her son.

“Hi, mom!” Button said cheerfully with a wave.

Love Tap galloped up to the scene and glared up at Discord. “Just what exactly do you think you’re doing with my son?”

“Oh, me?” Discord said as he motioned to himself with a lion’s paw. “Why, I merely intend to shove this colt here into a locker so he can learn a valuable lesson!”

Love Tap’s left eye twitched. “I see…”


“I can see why you haven’t had much difficulty with bullies,” Discord said from inside a locker with a door that was bent inward with two hoof prints complete with horseshoes in the middle.

“Yeah, mom doesn’t like it when other ponies pick on me,” Button said as he sat on his haunches next to the locker.

“You don’t say?” Discord said from inside the locker.

Button smiled. “At least she said you could still help me! I mean… after you promised a bunch of stuff and I calmed her down.”

“She talked my ears off from inside here, even!” Discord complained. “Literally! My ears got so tired that they fell off.”

A copy of Discord wearing a blue jacket, blue pants, crumpled red hat and sporting a scruffy looking mustache suddenly walked up with a crowbar. Wordlessly, the copy thrust the tool into the bent locker, and with the sound of straining metal, popped it open.

“Thank you, my good sir,” Discord said as he stepped out and brushed himself off.

The copy of Discord quietly tipped his hat and shuffled on.

Button looked at the copy with a quizzical expression, then back to Discord. “Wait… Can’t you like… teleport and stuff? Why go to all the trouble to make an entire copy of yourself?”

“Because shut up,” Discord said. He snapped his fingers and the lockers disappeared. “Well, it’s been made painfully apparent I’ve been going about this the wrong way.” He smiled wide. “Clearly you should simply impress Sweetie Belle.”

“Okay!” Button replied in a chipper tone. “How do I do that?”

Discord grinned widely and wickedly. “Perhaps it’s time you learn what a ‘hot rod’ is.”


Rarity’s jaw dropped as she surveyed a massive red and gold… thing with the flame motif that was jutting out from the hole it had created in her boutique. Wheeled with tinted windows, the item looked like some sort of futuristic carriage--however, this was of secondary concern to the fact that it had crashed into her place of work and home! Rarity’s voice shot off into the upper octaves. “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS TERRIBLE THING THAT’S CRASHED INTO MY BOUTIQUE?!”

Discord popped up next to Rarity in a bored pose, almost as if he had been there the entire time. “It’s obviously a hot rod!” he said in an annoyed tone as he motioned to the device with his eagle talon and his lion’s paw. “It’s like you ponies don’t know anything about vehicles powered by combustion engines!”

Rarity glanced upwards at Discord, the initial shock on her face giving way to angry irritation as she gritted her teeth. “And what in the name of Celestia is a ‘combustion engine’?!”

Realization suddenly dawned on Discord’s face. “Oh… right…”

Rarity motioned towards the damage with a forehoof. “Why did you plow this thing right into my boutique?!” she demanded in a shrill tone.

I did nothing of the sort!” Discord declared, motioning to himself with his lion’s paw. “It was that brown colt who clearly stole his hat from one of my creations.”

Rarity gave Discord a slightly confused look as the windowed portion of the vehicle popped up slightly, causing the wood of the boutique to ‘crunch’ as it the vehicle’s top pushed further against the damaged wall. Through the crack in the lifted top portion, Rarity could see a pensive Button Mash.

Button gave Rarity a frightened and apologetic look. “Uh… Hi… and… er… Sorry… Miss Rarity…”

“Oh…” Rarity said as she looked at Button. She turned back to Discord. “Why did you let Button plow this thing right into my boutique?!”

“Oh, that is just not fair!” Discord cried. “He was the driver! Yell at him,” Discord said as he pointed toward Button with a lion’s claw.

Button whimpered sadly from inside the car.

Rarity narrowed her eyes at Discord. “You expect me to believe an eight-year-old colt acquired that device, got into it, sorted out how to operate it, and somehow crashed it all on his own?!”

“Well…” Discord trailed off and glanced upwards.

“Mr. Genie, sir?” Button called out. “I think hot rods weren’t made to be driven by hooves… and also ponies who can’t reach the pedals on the ground at the same time as seeing through the window on the front!”

Discord huffed out a sigh. “Alright, so mistakes were made!”

“I should say so!” Rarity cried. Her lips scrunched up slightly. “Did Button just call you ‘Mr. Genie’?”

“Did he now?” Discord replied coyly. He swatted at the air dismissively with his talon. “Oh the things kids come up with and crash into buildings, hmmm?”

Rarity shook her head. “Well, whatever kind of foolishness you’re planning, you better be careful. Button Mash’s mother is not a pony to be trifled with.”

Discord grimaced. “Yes, we’ve met.”

“Uh… Rarity? Discord?”

Discord and Rarity turned as Sweetie Belle trotted towards the boutique and up to the vehicle sticking halfway out of Rarity’s boutique.

“What’s going on here?” Sweetie Belle asked. She stared at the item still sticking out the boutique wall. “And what is that?”

“It’s an eyesore, is what it is!” Rarity cried.

Discord folded his arms across his chest. “Pffft… Why you wouldn’t know an automotive piece of art if it crashed right into your house!”

“Uh… Hey, Sweetie Belle!” Button called out as she stuck his head out of the crack left from the vehicle’s open top.

“Button?!” Sweetie Belle called out. “What are you doing in… whatever this thing is that crashed into my sister’s store?!” Sweetie Belle asked.

Button squeezed forward, his forehooves dangling over the side of the car. “Apparently I was… ‘just taking it for a spin…?’” Button replied, his tone making it clear what his answer actually meant was as much a mystery to him as anyone who was likely to hear it. “… And It’s a hot rod… I guess?”

“Oh…” Sweetie Belle answered simply. “What’s it do?”

Discord smiled widely as Sweetie Belle showed interest in the vehicle.

“I think it’s like a carriage, but there’s like… weird sci-fi stuff inside so you don’t need another pony to pull it?”

“Huh, weird,” Sweetie Belle said simply.

Discord’s smile plummeted off his face and impacted into the ground below, shattering like glass as it hit.

Rarity let out a startled yelp and leapt away from the fallen mouth and the shards that flew out from its impact with the ground.

Sweetie Belle peered towards the front of the vehicle. “Is all that weird stuff inside why there’s so much smoke coming out of the front?”

Wha-wha-WHAT?!” Rarity cried as she rushed forward and threw open the door to her boutique. The white pony was soon engulfed by some equally white smoke that billowed from the inside of the boutique. “DISCORD!” she shrieked, followed by a fit of coughs.

“Oh, calm down! Those fumes are only toxic if you have a respiratory system…” Realization dawned on Discord’s face. “Oh… right…”

Button swallowed. “Maybe I should get out of this thing.”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “Good idea.”

Button placed his forehooves on the side of the car and pushed, grunting as he tried to propel himself forward. His body held fast and he tried once again to no avail. “I’m… I’m stuck!” he cried in a voice that was quickly giving way to panic.

“What?! Oh no!” Sweetie Belle said in an alarmed tone. She rushed up to Button and wrapped her forelegs around his. “Here! I’ll pull you out.” Both foals let out grunts as Button pushed with all his might and Sweetie Belle pulled with all of hers.

‘Pop!’

Button suddenly broke free. He and Sweetie Belle flew from the car, somersaulting together on the ground and ending up in a heap.

Rarity held up a folding fan with an azure aura of magic and wafted the smoke away from her face. She leveled a rage-filled stare at Discord as tears ran down her eyes causing inky black trails from her running mascara. “Get that giant smoking metal monstrosity out of my boutique this instant!”

Awww,” Discord said with a disappointing tone. “But a hot rod stuck halfway through a wall adds such a touch of class to the place! Why… it’s a fixture in many restaurants… just not in this dimension.”

Rarity’s voice reached an octave higher than any she had cried before. “IT’S FILLING MY BOUTIQUE WITH NOXIOUS FUMES AND MY BELOVED OPAL IS STILL INSIDE! REMOVE THAT CONTRAPTION AT ONCE!”

“Ahhhh!” Discord cried out in pain and covered his ears. “Alright, alright… Geez… Some ponies just have no taste for the finer things in life!”

Rarity glared up at Discord, her cheeks turning red and puffy as she did.

Discord snapped his fingers and the hot rod shifted, suddenly floating upwards like a giant, smoking helium balloon with an exposed engine block. Planks of wood fell from the hole from the roof of the vehicle as it made its journey upwards.

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle untangled their limbs and glanced up, their bellies still on the ground.

“There you go! Nothing to worry about!” Discord said as he motioned skyward at the now airborne automobile.

‘KABOOM!’

The smoking vehicle suddenly burst into a fiery explosion sending debris everywhere.

Button and Sweetie Belle let out alarmed cries as they quickly reached up and covered the other pony’s head.

Rarity let out a yelp as she dove for cover inside the boutique.

Discord simply opened up an upside down umbrella as flaming chunks of metal fell down around the group, pelting and slamming the ground as well as the Carousel Boutique.

“See!” Discord exclaimed as he tipped his umbrella letting the charred and twisted remains of a muffler fall to the ground. “Why your house is hardly on fire at all!”

Rarity emerged from the boutique cat first, Opal clinging to her owner’s face. The white cat with its hair standing straight up and out decided Rarity’s face was the safest place to be in these uncertain times.

Button and Sweetie Belle slowly removed their forelegs from atop the other’s head.

“Are you okay?” asked Sweetie Belle.

Button Mash nodded slowly. “Uh-huh… Thanks to you.” He quickly looked out at all the flaming debris. “Are you okay?”

Sweetie Belle got up on her hooves and helped Button up. “Well… I’m kinda used to this sort of thing,” she answered with a small smile as she glanced away and her cheeks turned slightly pink.

“MERRRROWWWROWWWROWWWWROOOOW!”

“DISCORD!” Rarity shrieked having removed Opal from her face as gently as possible, the feline having left a few noticeable scratch marks as it made its protests known.

“Aaahhh!” Discord cried in response. His ‘palms’ soon returned to his ears.

“How dare you endanger the children, and how dare you destroy my boutique!”

Discord cringed and pulled his head downwards. “How is it in eons of existence I’ve never heard anything as terrible as this sound?! How are you even doing that?!”

Rarity continued, “I demand that you use your powers to fix my boutique AND my face! And no tricks! This is simply unacceptable!”

“Whaaaa!” Discord cried as he quickly raised his talon and lion's paw to his ears and popped his ears right off his head. “Ahhh…” he uttered in a relaxed tone. “Much better.”

Rarity continued yelling in the same high-pitched tone. “You fix this right now, you ruffian! You fix this or I’ll tell BOTH Twilight and Fluttershy what you did AS WELL AS Button’s Mother!”

“Oh chaos! I can still feel it in my bones!” Discord said as his entire body wobbled. After briefly considering a skeletonless existence until realizing he’d have to figure out a new look for this year’s upcoming Nightmare Night, Discord placed his ears back on his head. “Alright, you win!” Discord snapped his eagle’s talon and Rarity’s boutique was suddenly holeless and whole again. The wreckage of the hot rod was nowhere to be found, and even Rarity’s cat scratches had disappeared from her face. “There!” Discord said as his ears popped back into existence. “Good as new!”

Rarity’s voice dropped into the lesser shrill tones and she fixed Discord with an angry scowl framed by runny and smudged eye shadow. “I swear if there is but one thread out of place—”

Discord raised his eagle talon palm forward in front of him. “I assure you there is not a molecule out of place.”

“There better not be!” Rarity cried. “Now, I hope you know never to do this again!”

Discord nodded. “Of course. The next time I create a drivable device that could explode and hand the keys over to a young pony, I’ll be sure he or she steers clear of your boutique.”

“That’s not what…” Rarity’s face turned red. “GRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRrrrrrrRRR!” She quickly about-faced and stormed off towards the children.

Discord watched her go with a smug look on his face.

Rarity suddenly turned and once again yelled at Discord with the highest pitch she could muster. “You better not endanger anypony like this ever again! Or so help me…!”

“GHAAAA!” Discord cried as his ears began to ring. A vibrating, buzzing ring that only abated when he smacked the side of his head causing a tuning fork to fall out of his ear. He quickly repeated the process with the other ear, smacking out yet another tuning fork. “Alright! Message received!”

Rarity turned, took a few calming breaths, and looked down at the two foals in front of her. “Are you two alright?”

Sweetie Belle and Button nodded.

“We’re fine,” Sweetie Belle answered. “But I think I need to talk to Discord for a second.”

Rarity nodded. “Quite alright, I’d like to give Button Mash a little advice.”

Sweetie Belle turned to Button and smiled. “Be right back!” she said as she trotted over to Discord. “Discord!” Sweetie Belle said in a chastising tone to the draconequus as he dug inside one of his ears with a lion’s paw. “What do you think you’re doing putting Button in danger like that?! He could have gotten hurt!”

Discord chuckled to himself as he pulled a steaming, whistling kettle out of his ear he had skewered the side of with his lion’s paw. Flicking the item off in a random direction, he turned towards Sweetie Belle. “Oh, you’re worried our mutual friend might get injured? I understand the young colt has spent much time with you.” Discord suddenly drifted downwards onto his knees and elbows, propping his head on his talon and lion paw. He smiled as he looked at Sweetie Belle. “Tell me, has young Button Mash gone out crusading for cutie marks with you?”

“Well sure,” Sweetie Belle answered, “but what does that—”

“Hey, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom called out as she crested a nearby hill. “We got Twilight to lend us a book on making gyrocopters! Scoots and I figured we can either get our cutie marks at building ‘em, or flying ‘em!”

Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom. “Alright! I’ll be there in a bit!”

“Hey!” Scootaloo chimed in, also cresting the hill. “Be sure to meet us at ‘Suddenly Childless’ peak!”

Sweetie Belle cringed. “Be-Be right there!” she called out in an embarrassed tone. She turned back to Discord, who simply stared at her with a smug grin smeared across his face. “Oh don’t give me that look! The three of us have gone over that peak plenty of times, and we’ve all came out much better than expected.”

Discord chuckled slightly. “Well, considering the expected outcome is ‘dead’, I’d say that leaves a lot to the imagination.”

“Look, Button’s kinda sensitive, okay?” Sweetie Belle said. “I don’t want to see him hurt or traumatized.”

“You mean more than what you’ve already inflicted, correct?” Discord said, his smug smile turning devilish as small red horns popped up on top his head to join goat horn and antlers. Discord continued, rolling his eagle talon in front of him as he talked. “I mean… with the trouble you three get into, the young boy is no doubt mentally scarred for life! Hoo, hoo!” Discord pressed his palms to either side of his face. “Who knows what unspeakable horrors he’s witnessed by simply being friends with you!”

Sweetie Belle turned away as her eyes teared up. “That’s not… I mean… sniff… I didn’t mean to…” She began to choke back sobs.

Discord’s eyes went wide as he produced a glass of water in his talon, and quickly mimed out a cross with his lion’s paw. He dumped the water on his head, causing his horns and smile to steam replaced by a slightly regretful look. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry Sweetie Belle. I take it this Button Mash is quite important to you?”

Sweetie Belle turned and nodded, rubbing a foreleg over her eyes. “He-He’s a dear friend to me…”

Discord grinned. “Friend or ‘colt friend’?” he asked.

Sweetie Belle’s eyes went wide. “I-uh IhavetogotalktoButtonnow! Pleasedon’thurtscareorkillhim!Bye!” she said hastily as she turned and galloped back to Button.

Discord’s grin remained as he stroked his beard. “Curiouser and curiouser…”

Next Chapter: Chapter 23:  Casanova Button Mash Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 22 Minutes
Return to Story Description

Login

Facebook
Login with
Facebook:
FiMFetch