So it turned out that a stipend of two thousand bits was kind of a lot.  Twilight's eyes bugged out a bit when I asked, before she want on a long winded speech about exchange rates economics.  In the end it pretty much turned according to my crappy mental calculations, each bit was pretty much worth around $4 back home.  Let alone the fact that they were made out of solid gold.

"If I could get a years worth of bits home, I could retire a very...oh...fuck."

I sat there for a minute when reality set in.  There was no way to get home since I was dead there.  Even if I could, there was no home to go back to.  All I could do was sit and stare at the letter as the reality of where I was settled in.  None of this made sense.  None of it.  Yet I was stuck in a world full of technicolor magical ponies.

"...okay?"

It took me a second to realize that Twilight was talking with a concerned look on her face.  When I first got here, I couldn't tell what any expressions meant with the ponies.  As time passed, I managed to somewhat piece it together, in no small part to the new nose I was gifted with.  People were easy compared to this.  On a pony you had to see a bunch of things to get a good idea.  Ear position, what their eyes were doing, body stance, and in one case I learned that pawing the ground was something to keep an eye out for before you get stomped.  At least in this case it was easy to tell since her ears were down and she was nudging me with a hoof since I wasn't really paying attention.

"...sorry Twilight.  I wasn't really paying any attention.  I was thinking about...home."

"Come on Hex.  I know it hurts but there isn't anything we can do about it right now.  Plus, there are some ponies here that want to meet you."

At least that would keep my mind off of things, so I slowly pulled myself off the wooden chair and upright.  And then a thought crossed my mind.

"Twilight, I have to duck dowstairs really quick to change.  Don't want to scare anypony after all."

Before she could respond, I headed for the basement door.  God, saying "anypony" was physically painful.  What kind of silly world is full of horses and horse puns anyhow?  Laid out across the cot was the single set of clothes I had left, a somewhat worn set of ATACS FG camouflage that spent the majority of its existence sitting at the bottom of my pack with the rest of my clutter.  Still, as tacky as it was to wear camo around town, it would be worse if all the ponies were running around screaming.  Generally that would go against the plan of getting out of Twilight's basement.

So, I at least had a basic idea of what I did to trigger this last time.  Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the world around me, the feel of the packed earth against my paws, the musty scent of old air tainted with chemicals and a touch of burnt hair.  I ignored the soft slapping of hooves against wooden floors as I searched for little more than a concept.  A concept that turned into reality as my mind touched the bracelets on my limbs, the whirling runes and shimmering gemstones flickering to life in a variety of colors.  For a moment, just a moment, I felt cool air on my skin until I opened my eyes to see the flickering golden energy vanish and fur reappear.  It worked... IT WORKED!

Whoa... calm dude... calm.  Breathe.  Soft and slow, focus on that feeling.  This time it went a little smoother as I mentally poured energy into the bands, making them burst to life in a shower of gold.  Prickling sensations crawled over me head to toe as I could feel my entire body shifting.  There was no pain, just strange sensations as joints slid and bone compressed into itself in a blaze of magical fire.  Magical fire that was flickering out as the basement door slammed open.

"Hex!  Are you alright?  I felt a burst of magic and wanted to...make...sure.........you.......were............fine..."

I didn't want to open my eyes and be disappointed.  Inside, I willed the purple one away as I mentally counted toes... Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet, and Watch, or whatever the equivalent of that would be.  That is until Twilight snapped me out of it with her usual eloquent speech.

"Why are you naked?"

That got my attention and my eyes to snap open right fast as I looked around to find that now oversized loincloth laying on the ground.

Fuck my life...

After a few minutes of awkwardness I managed to get myself dressed and somewhat presentable.  As I stood there in the bathroom, splashing water on my face, I realized a few things.  Apparently when I changed forms, it left me clean shaven.  That was a real shame since I liked the goatee that I spent years grooming.  The more interesting changes were just that.  My canines were definitely more pronounced and wolfish, along with the golden tint in my eyes.  Don't get me wrong, I still had my awesome greens, but the pupils had a small sunburst of gold around them that faded into the green.  Kind of neat really.  To be honest, I kind of locked myself in here when I heard hoofsteps coming into the library and a variety of voices talking about meeting the new pony in town.

Exhaling softly, I realized that it was time to get a move on.  The bathroom didn't really have a lock on the door, so I just twisted the knob and stepped out into the basement.  How ponies managed to use a doorknob with hooves, I'd never know.  My little corner of the room seemed so small as I walked across it to the steps, hollow stomping echoing from below as I slowly ascended.  Before I could chicken out, I grabbed the doorknob and twisted and pushed, knowing the bandaid approach would be easiest to all this.  At least I thought so...

"HOLY FUCK!"

"Whoa!  Oh shit... shit shit shit..."

All I know is there was a pink blob in my face the moment the door opened, and then agony as I fell backward with my head hitting the stairs and stars exploding in my eyes before it faded to black...

It was only a few minutes later that light beat its way into my skull as my eyes opened.  Opened to reveal a group of seven ponies and a baby dragon standing above me.

"OOOH!  He's waking up Twilight!  I told you he'd be okay.  I wonder if a cupcake would make him feel better.  Hey Mister... Do you like Cupcakes?"

I just flopped my arm across my eyes and groaned pitifully from the floor.  I already knew this was going to suck.  Apparently if you put a morale sticker that says "Embrace the Suck" that life makes it a personal challenge to do so.  At least I didn't have the one that said "Grab your helmet.  It's about to get retarded."  Something was poking me with a hoof.

"What do you want?  I'm enjoying my time on the ground."

"I'm dreadfully sorry to bother you my dear, but are you alright?  You had a nasty fall and stuck your head rather hard.  Also, what are you, if you don't mind me asking.  Twilight said something about a Hooooooman."

"No, she said hueman."

"Ooooh, that sound funny.  Huuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn... Say it Dashie."

And thats when the bickering started.  I couldn't tell who said what, but they were slaughtering the pronunciation of human worse than actors on the scifi channel.  It really didn't help any that they were doing this over my head and making the pounding worse.  At least one of them saw reason after a moment or two and thought to ask something important.

"Ah hate tah interrupt guys, but is he supposed tah have that big welt on the back of his head?"

Personally, I was enjoying the swirling colors behind my eyelids.  Pretty sure I had a concussion to be honest.  Naturally, with all the smoothness inherent to my species, I said the first thing that came to mind before passing out.

"I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker."