Light invaded me with searing agony as my eyes slowly opened.  Everything hurt, most of all was my head.  Sharp throbbing echoed through my skull as if someone took to beating me with a hammer in their free time. Everything hurt.  I don't mean that in the sissy "everything hurts" way.  When you wake up in the morning and you have a cramp in every muscle, roll over and bend your junk sideways, then accidentally light yourself on fire, that is a good start.  Add some ball kicking and you get a decent idea.

For some reason, the light from the single lantern in the corner felt like someone was swirling around a red hot poker in my eye sockets.  The walls were bare stone other then that one single lantern, only interrupted by a very cliche looking wood and wrought iron door.  Who the hell raids a movie supply place to save my life anyhow?  Who the hell could save my life anyhow?  There was nobody around for miles.

I tried to sit up, but my body was limp and felt heavier than lead.  Exhaustion seeped from every pore as I lay there, unable to do anything except stare at the roughly hewn stone and the dreary room I was stuck in.  Why is my body useless, why won't it respond?  Sucking in a breath, and trying to force a move did nothing but force a low evil sounding growl out of my throat.  Why am I growling?  

A strange noise caused me to look toward the door.  It seemed like a mix of a whinny and ancient greek.  Guttural but still horse...ish.  The only thing stranger was the view as the door opened.  I swear to god, a white horse with a technicolor mane and a smaller purple version of itself stepped into the room.  Now I know the wolf killed me and was trapped somewhere in Satan's magic mushroom trip.  I was just waiting for their heads to melt and turn into a snake or something crazy.

The little purple one came up to me and made a few more of those strange vocalizations.  It was...strange.  Kind of like watching Mr. Ed, but without the wires and peanut butter.  The pony was definitely trying to do something.  And that's when it hit me.  Both creatures had horns and wings.  Strange, but I'm in hell, so I'll play along.  A few more odd noises and head bobs later, it was apparent the little purple one was "talking" to the bigger one about something.  Probably me considering it looked like I was strapped naked to a table in a dank cell.  An odd look crossed the face of the smaller horse, just before its horn started to glow.  Naturally, I tried to get away from the demonic unicorn, but considering no muscles besides my eyes and lungs worked, a small weak squeak was the only thing I managed to get out.  When you can't move, it is incredibly hard to glare at a pony that is trying to touch a glowing horn to your forehead.

Stranger still is the sensation that erupted in my mind from the contact of that pony.  Memories started streaming into my mind.  Colors flowing into pictures, pictures into sounds, and those sounds slowly started to make sense.  I...I think it is trying to introduce itself. "My...name...is...Twilight...Sparkle.  Do...you...understand...me?"  Only choking noises came out of me, as it felt like someone had stuffed my mouth full of cotton gauze.  After swallowing, I decided to try it again.

"What the hell are you?" managed to come out in an abrupt sort of way.  With that, it felt like something clicked in my mind and I could understand.  Probably understand more then I wanted to.  She was an alicorn.  Basically a unicorn with wings, just like the bigger one, whatever that all meant.

"What do you mean what am I?  I'm a alicorn.   Everypony knows that. I am Twilight Sparkle, as I just said.  You know, it is amazing with that body structure, how you are even able to talk.  What can you tell me about your people?"

"Twilight, I think there are more important things to ask," the alicorn interjected, "First off, I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria.  The country you are currently in.  Now, are you a threat to my people, and secondly, why should I let you out of your bonds?"

With the "Princess" title, I think it's safe to assume this was a mare.  Considering the reason I can't move is I was bound, time to go on the offensive.

"Listen lady, I have no idea who you are, or where I am.  What I can tell you is that you are holding a citizen of the United States of America prisoner.  My country takes a very dim view of terrorists, let alone terrorists from some country I have never heard of that is full of talking horses."

"How dare you talk to the Princess like that?!" the one that called itself "Twilight Sparkle" exclaimed.  "She is the sovereign ruler of this country!  And we have no record of any country calling itself that, so no need to make things up."

"Twilight," the larger one exhaled, "the creature has every right to be afraid of his current position.  As for you calling me a terrorist and insulting the crown, I will ignore this.  Once.  Now then, please answer my questions and we can put this behind us."

If I could have looked at the Princess with a look of disdain I would have, but being able to move and see what was going on better was a good incentive to play nice for now.  If I could facepalm right now, I would for what I was about to say.

"Princess, I apologize for calling you a terrorist.  I have no idea where I am, beyond the name what you are, or what is going on.  The last thing I knew I was being killed by a wild animal.  As for what I am Twilight, I am a human.  Now why do you guys think I am a threat to your people?  Especially since I am apparently tied to a table in a dungeon."

The purple (lavender I guess) pony looked at me like I was an alien, although from their perspective I guess I was.  Still, it was certainly weird to be having a conversation with a horse.  When in Rome, do as the Romans.  When in hell, try not to get fucked, I guess.

"You don't look like any human we've ever seen before.  Granted, it was from old tomes in the library, but humans don't have fur," she said matter of factly.  "You aren't anything we have seen before.  You almost look like a big timberwolf in a way."  I could barely hear her mutter under her breath, "I can't believe Lyra was right..."

"Huh?  You aren't making any sense.  I don't look anything like a wolf."  Crazy creatures must have one hell of a drunk historian if they could get humans and wolves mixed up.  It didn't really help when Twilight looked at Celestia like they were having some kind of unheard conversation.

"We don't allow mirrors in the cells for the protection of both prisoners and guards, but I can show you what you look like through our eyes.  Would you like that?  It might help you believe us when we say that you are not a human.  If we judge you not to be a threat after this, we will release your bonds."

At this point, if it got my bonds let loose, I'd pretend I was a chicken for all I cared.  Not being able to move was seriously starting to mess with my calm.  Before I could even respond, the princess interrupted my thoughts...

"This will not hurt, but it might be a little disconcerting at first."  And then her horn began to glow.

Suddenly I was looking at the table I was on.  It was the same table.  I tried to look around in my body, and I saw my eyes moving the directions I meant to go.  The rest had to be a trick though.  Where my body should have been, there was the body of a giant two legged black wolf wrapped in purple glowing bands.  Also why were my eyes gold?  And why am I a wolf?!?

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?  Princess, I assure you, I am a human.  I have no idea why you have a wolf on the table.  Don't get me wrong, it looks badass, but that isn't me."

She just rolled her eyes and looked over at Twilight, who suddenly was shuffling hoof to hoof awkwardly, like she really didn't want to be here.

"Well... there MIGHT have been a slight mixup.  When you appeared in my library, you were nearly dead.  There was so much blood..." as she trailed off and looked toward the floor.

"A slight WHAT?"  I roared.  I swear if this magical retard screwed me up worse, I might need to be tied up.

She sighed and looked back at me, a few small tears forming in her eyes.  "You were bleeding so bad, we used magic to try to put your blood back in and then try to close the wounds.  We didn't know until later that there was a second blood type, or that it reacted with magic.  We just thought what was happening was part of your normal healing process and that you had lost your fur and claws in whatever fight you were in."

I can't believe it, the magical dunce turned me into a fucking wolf hybrid.  The fact that I was tied down with some crazy glowing rope was probably a good thing as I started to boil.  The more I thought about what they claimed happened, the hotter I got.  It started to feel like I was on fire almost, and the rage felt...good.  It was like I could feel the ropes loosening.  It felt even better as a look of shock slowly spread across the face of the purple creature.

"If...if you stop what you are doing, we'll release the ropes and talk like more civil creatures," she stuttered.  The princess just stood there, observing but not saying a word.  Granted, I have no idea what I was supposedly doing, so lying seemed like a good enough plan.

"Deal.  Release the ropes and I'll behave."

The silent princess just nodded and the ropes fell away.  What caught my attention was the ropes themselves.  As they pulled away, several of them had flickering green flames dancing on their surfaces...