Sore.  Everything was tender to the touch when I woke up.  Cool and crisp fall air was teasing my nose while I refused to open my eyes.  The day could wait since my blanket was warm, despite the odd occasional smell.  You get used to little things like that when you live around "ponies" for a while.  The little guys have a variety of odd smells that you normally wouldn't add up, and the scents stick to places the live or have stayed.  Luna always seemed to remind me of an odd mix of juniper berries with a little bite of mint and ozone.  I know it sounds odd, but it was her scent.  Every pony was different.  Either way, it was pushed toward the back of my mind as I fidgeted, trying to scratch my back against the bed.  A bed that rustled and crackled with my movement.

"What the hell?"

That got my attention pretty dang quick as my eyes jerked open.  Instead of the beautifully carved arches and swirls inside the library, I was met with something...different.   Rough hewn timber beams stretched above me every few feet with the odd and occasional nail poking out.  Piled dried hay was my bed, yet was pretty darn comfortable for a night.  It was a pretty good guess I had ended up in the Apple family barn at some point in the night.  When, I had no idea.  After helping the foals get to safety, everything was just a blur.  As I wracked my mind, something blue drifted across my vision to settle on the hay next to my head.  It was a feather.  A slightly puffy and fuzzy down feather.  So many things started crossing my mind as I forced my body to submit and sit up.  That's when I saw the whole situation, and there was only one way to describe it.

"What the fuck did I do last night?!"

The sudden noise made my acquired "blanket" shift sleepily and snuggle a bit closer.  An outstretched hoof managed to wiggle itself across my chest and pull me back to the straw and into the warm embrace of Princess Luna.  It took everything I had not to let out a surprised squeak when she squeezed tight against me and nuzzled my ear.  You would never think about it, but the thin fur on a ponies muzzle tickles way too much when it is moving against your neck.  In the end, there was nothing I could do but accept the forced snuggles with the alicorn.  Thankfully, between the warmth provided from Luna's outstretched wing and the hay below sleep came for me again.

When I woke up a second time, I was thankfully spared an embarrassing moment as it appeared that I was alone in the loft.  Thank the gods for small mercies and all that.  Everything seemed to crack and pop while I stretched out in my impromptu bed.   After a moment of lazing, my stomach decided to remind me that it had been far too long since I ate last.  With that in mind, checking in with the Apple family and thanking them for their hospitality was a good enough plan.  With a little luck their good old southern hospitality would hold out and I'd get some breakfast in me.  The hay crackled under me with each step toward the staircase inset in the barn wall.  I'd never seen that anywhere else, but seeing ponies on a ladder would have just been odd.  Step by step, the scent of hay and old timber gave way to those of a busy farm.  Sour and rotten tones of slopped pigs and cow patties bled into moist earth and the sweetness of freshly cut hay and barley.  Despite sounding rancid, the scent only stated one thing, farm.  

Celestia's fiery light seared into my eyes as I stepped out of the barn, making me wince in pain for a moment before I managed to get a hand up to shield my eyes.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the day as much as anyone else...ish... but the sun is too damn bright some days.  From the shadow of the barn, Sweet Apple Acres spread into the distance as far as I could see.  How one small family managed a farm this size escaped me as there had to be hundreds of acres here.  Granted, it was mostly orchard but it was still obscene to think about.  So intent on enjoying the sunrise over the farm, I completely missed the soft hoof falls or hollow thump of a bucket being set down until a small voice startled me.

"Mornin' mister Hex.  Hope we didn't wake ya.  You and missus Luna came back late last night an' we wanted to let ya rest.  I think the Princess is in talking with Granny if'n you wanted to see her."

I started to smile at the little filly before mentally chiding myself.  They found my smiles...disconcerting... because of the canines and other sharp teeth.  In the end, I just reached down and picked up the slop bucket to help Applebloom out a little bit.  The moist handle reminded me that earth ponies tended to grasp a lot of things like that in their mouth.  Somewhat gross, but too late now.  

"Thanks for letting me know Applebloom.  Need any more help with your morning chores or are you heading in? And I hope you and your friends had fun last night until whatever that was started making noise."

As we walked toward the house, 'Bloom pointed out where to set the bucket down next to the fence for use later.  I tried to pay attention to what she was saying about the Crusader's candy haul, but something about last night just tickled at the back of my mind.  There was something I was forgetting, but what was it?  

Soft creaking wood and the small tones of Applebloom's steps announced our presence in the house as we slipped through the kitchen door.  Like everything else on the farm, it was rustic yet homey.  Rough hewn wood was worn smooth from countless years of hooves stepping ceaselessly over them.  Amusing as always was the muted pastel wallpaper with apples on it.  The entire kitchen radiated warmth from the large pot bellied cast iron stove pressed against one wall.  Dead center in the room lay what would normally be considered a massive dinner table.  All of the ponies looked up as we entered, but not a word was uttered as they quickly looked back to what occupied them.

At the middle of the table was a large bowl with a small stack of bits in it, along with plates with assorted pastries. Around the table sat the rest of the Apple family, Luna, and oddly enough, Pinkie Pie.  Each pony had a small hoof full of playing cards and coins in front of them and a serious look on their faces.  Slowly, I paced around the table, hovering here and there to see who had what cards.  I might not be playing, but it didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun with the assorted ponies.  Big Mac oddly enough, was a horrible poker player.  For someone who said as few words as he did, that stallion had more tells than someone talking to the NSA.  He at least had the sense to know when to fold.  Applejack on the other hand was wicked at poker.  Strange considering the funny face she makes when trying to lie.  Mental disconnect between actually lying and just not doing anything was my guess.  Pinkie was odd as usual.  I couldn't find any pattern or reason to her behavior and eventually gave up.  That just left dear old moonbutt.  Resting my hands on the back of her chair, I leaned over her until I could rest my chin on the top of her head.  She tried to fidget, but every time the princess moved, I'd blow softly at the tip of one ear or another to make her lose composure.  The giggling and trying to get away eventually got repetitive, so I focused on the game.

The more I watched, things started to seem out of place.  The Apples would lose to each other, but eventually the coins would all end up shuffling back toward the matriarch of the family.  Granny never seemed to lose.  Literally, the old mare never lost a hand she set herself to.  The other Apples would win or lose, but with Granny it was victory or death.  Soon enough, it was just Luna and Granny left in the game with the rest watching on.  That was when the pattern changed.  Instead of the one card trades she had been doing, the clever old mare did nearly a full swap on her hand...er hoof.  I'd have to ask about that later.  

"Give up dearie.  You know you can't beat me.  Age over beauty and all that, you young whippersnapper."

Not really sure how to process all of that.  Granny trash talking and calling Luna young just didn't process until after the octogenarian had shoved all of her bits to the center of the table.  She was doing one hell of a bluff.  She had to.  There was no other reason to start playing mind games at this point.  She had to be.  Leaning down, I whispered in Luna's ear while looking at her cards.  With the flop as it was there was practically nothing that could beat the princess.

"She's bluffing Luna.  Take her down."

I didn't expect the look of "are you an idiot" from the princess before a stray hoof pulled me down next to her lips.

"We are certain she is not bluffing.  If you would care to place a wager against my thoughts, I might consider your proposal though."

It took a moment of mulling it over in my mind before deciding what to do.  Gods help me if I was wrong, because Luna wouldn't.

"If I'm right, I get half the pot and a royal apology for you underestimating your dear human.  If I'm wrong, I'll be your personal slave for a day or two to repay the bits you lose.  I'm not wrong though."

"WE CALL!"

Wow, not even a moment of contemplation.  Fur plus nervous sweating makes you really itchy by the way.  I ignored my bodily demands as Granny tenderly lowered her cards to the table with a sad look on her face.  Four duchesses.  

"What the... Oh crap."

A very nonplussed Luna looked up at me with a grin spreading across her face.  What the crap did I get myself into this time... As Luna stood, all Granny Smith did was chuckle mirthfully at her win.

"Good luck servin' the crown there Hex.  After losing that many bits, I'm sure she'll take it easy on you.  Now get goin'.  You made a bet and lost so your behind belongs to the crown now."

And that is when everything came together.  Granny's behavior, Mac's poor playing, even Applejack all led to one thing, one small memory from shortly after I came to Ponyville.  There was a thing called the Sisterhood Games or something like that.  When I had talked to Mac about it, he had said something that didn't make sense back then.

"The Apples might compete against each other, but we are out to win as a family."

They weren't gaming against Luna.  I was the target since I had her ear, and I got played like a cheap accordion.