Chapter 9

Air is beginning to flow into my lungs without so much strain, and my vision is finally coming clearer. My head, chest and stomach all feel sore. I can see a bright pulsing orange light become a small crackling fire as it moves with the wind. I’m sitting, with my legs nearly buried in the snow, against a tree. My arms have been wrapped behind me and around it. I try to move them but they are tied together tightly with some kind of dry scratchy vine. Before me stands my hunter, the purple pony, staring at me with what I only can describe as hate. The glow of the fire behind her creates this feeling of such feebleness inside me as she ominously stares down at me. Her body is shivering, but her eyes still show anger. I realize that my bag is no longer around my shoulder; it is instead lying in the snow near the purple pony. I’m trapped yet again, this time with no clear way out. So I stare back up at her waiting for her to scold me, waiting for what kind of punishment she has in store for me.

“So, you escaped. Well I can assure you that won’t happen again. Just what made you think you could really get away? . . . Well? Say something!” She demands, but I remain silent seeing that there is nothing I can say that can show her I mean no bad intentions. “What? No excuse this time?” Still I keep quiet. “Fine.” She says with attitude.

She gives up on talking to me and walks over to the box of matches I left behind for her. She picks it up and smirks.

“You must’ve been in such a rush you left these behind.”

“. . . I left them for you.” I mutter.

“Oh really? Well isn’t that sweet?” She asks sarcastically. “Give me a break. Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“I took one for myself, and I left the rest for you.” I say in a low voice.

“Yeah, I’m sure you did. After you left me to freeze and locked me in I’m sure you really do care.” Again seeing that she will not believe anything I say I return to my silence and let my head dangle from my neck as I stare down at the snow. “I know that you have something to do with this, you have Trixie’s hat in this bag. Why? . . . What did you do?!” She demands.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“You liar!”

The pony kicks snow into the fire smothering it until it goes out. She picks up my bag and fixes the rope around her neck.

“Now it’s your turn to be left in the cold.” She says.

The pony walks past me and into the woods without a glance back. As soon as she is out of sight I desperately struggle to free my arms; but the knot of the vine is too tight, and without a tool to cut myself free I’ve never felt so trapped. There really isn’t a way out of this, and it’s all because of me. That voice . . . it’s because of that mare’s voice! I let it persuade me. I let myself follow its instructions to do something I would never even think of doing, and now I’m paying the price. I should have listened to ‘me’, to what ‘I’ was saying. It’s over, my journey ends here. I’ve let them down, all of them. I’m sorry Valiari’; I’m sorry Candle Light; and wherever you may be, I’m sorry Trixie. I hope that all of you can forgive me. I hope that this dreaded nightmare ends for you. I can’t imagine what you all are going through, but I hope your fortune is better than mine. I wanted to apologize to her, I wanted to beg for her to let me go, but that wouldn’t have solved anything. I know she has her mind set firm and isn’t ready to let it go.

Suddenly something disrupts the snow in the distance behind the trees. Something big moved about, like an animal. But I don’t see anything beyond the trees. It happens again to my left, and again to my right until the sounds are all around me. Something is watching me, no, there has to be more than one. I can hear the sound of a deep echoic growl beyond the trees. I try once again to free myself from the knot of the vine, but I can’t get loose. Whatever is out there is getting closer, realizing that I am trapped, and an easy target. My heart is trembling and my attention is being drawn at every little noise. I want to scream out for help, but that might entice what’s out there to make the pounce. I imagine several creatures ripping, tearing me to shreds and my blood staining the white snow. The growling continues, and I can hear the creatures scuttling in the snow. It feels like every breath I take, they take a step closer. I can already feel their teeth sinking into my flesh, and the life pouring out of my body. Something tugs at the vine holding my wrists and my whole body jolts. I start to shout and squirm, but I am quickly hushed.

“Shh! Quiet!”

I turn my head and see what I had never expected to see. The purple pony is trying to undo the knot of the vine. I am shocked and confused, but most of all I am thankful to see her again. But why has she come back for me? I thought for sure that—. My scrambling thoughts are interrupted by a long and loud howl. The animal’s voice sounds so hazy and off to be considered natural.

“Timberwolves?” The pony whispers. “No, that’s not a howl I’ve ever heard before-come on already!” She says frustrated over the knot still not coming undone.

Between the trees pairs of eyes begin to shine with white irises. Eyes to the left, the right, all around us. One by one they step out from the shadows to reveal themselves. They all have the body of a canine with frosty fur. Their tails are abnormally long and pointed, and from their bodies icicles dangle from their nearly transparent ears and ever other part of their body for that matter. Their head is a strange shape, and their snouts are awkward. I realize that parts of their head and body are covered in thick ice, which is the reason for their disfigured appearance. For all that ice gathered onto their bodies it doesn’t seem that they should even be alive. They look like they have frozen to death, and are now breathing once again. They all step closer showing their sharp white teeth and growling angrily at us. Their eyes pierce the dark around them; pairs and pairs of them open in the darkness, and they move closer to reveal their long pointed fangs. She continues to fumble with the vine until it finally comes looser. I slip my hands out from the vine and stand. The pony and I take slow careful steps backwards with our eyes still on the strange creatures.

“Now, you listen and do exactly as I say. On ‘three’ we run. Understand?” She whispers. “. . . One.” The creatures take a few more steps closer. All of their glowing eyes I feel are only staring into mine. My heart is shaking as my ears eagerly anticipate the next number.  “Two.” Their growling grows even louder, and all of them show their fangs at us. I can already feel it just as I had before: their teeth cutting through my skin to tear me apart. My arms and legs almost feel numb. “Three!”

On the cue I turn and sprint as fast as I can into the woods. The pony and I are side by side maneuvering around every tree in our way. I can hear the creatures barking and trailing through the snow to catch up to us. The cold air is burning the back of my throat as my breath quickens. Immediately my body is beginning to wear out. My chest and head are still sore, and my legs are still tired from the pony chasing me earlier. Soon she is getting farther and farther ahead of me, and I can feel myself slowing down immensely. I can also feel the creatures right behind me ready to make me their meal. No matter how hard I try to push myself I just can’t muster up the energy to continue running. My voice is becoming so weak that I can’t even call out to the pony for help. Her head suddenly turns to check on my speed, and quickly realizes that I am starting to drag far behind. Frustrated she hurries back to my side and tries to get me back on pace. She tries to urge me to move faster, and even though I do pick up my pace a little it’s not enough to outrun the wolves behind us.

“Can’t you move faster?!” She asks irately.

“I . . . can’t.” I say exhaustedly.

The pony starts to glance around the forest like a frightened animal trying to maybe plan an escape route. Her eyes glue onto one spot, and she then yanks me with her.

“This way, we might find some place to hide!” She shouts.

She and I enter a thick part of the woods where the trees are bunched together in such a tight space.

“Come on hurry!” She urges.

The pony lets go of me and starts to squeeze through the trees with such apace. Branches get in her way, but she breaks and bends them out of her way continuing deeper in the thickened woods. I can hear the wolves are not far behind, and so I gather myself and make my way inside the condensed bunch of trees. Some spaces are so thin that I have to turn my body sideways to be able to squeeze through. I feel small rubbery branches scratch at my clothes and face. Some even hook into the threads of my jacket as if to purposefully slow me down. It continues to the point to where I no longer care if they latch onto my clothing, so I simply just move on as they snap some of the threads. I can see the purple pony has already gotten through them all and is waiting for me on the other side, except I still have a bit of a ways to go. Curious about how close the wolves are I turn my head back to see, and they are filling the empty spaces between the trees swarming towards me.

“Don’t look back!” She shouts.

It’s too late; my heart is filled to the brim with fear. Knowing how much faster they are gaining ground forces me to forget about everything just for one moment, and just move through the trees as swiftly as possible. My legs are tired, but I push them to keep moving anyway. The tension building in my mind only drives me to move faster. I nearly trip on a few of the tree roots that protrude out from the ground, but my shoe happens to get caught under one of them. I fall painfully to the ground onto my forearms to catch myself. Feeling without the time to even stand back up I try to crawl through the spaces between the trees. I feel something yank on the bottom of my jacket violently, and as I turn to see as I’m sure it’s just another tree branch something pounces on top of me. One of the wolves presses its front paws against my chest as I can feel its claws through my jacket. I don’t retaliate; I don’t even try to break away. Its teeth draw closer to my face, and my eyes are entranced within its eyes. My mind feels so empty of thought that I do not even feel fear of this creature, not even a sense of danger. My body feels so calm and relaxed. The white glow of the wolf’s eyes makes mine feel they do not want to miss a second of it. I feel hypnotized in the wolf’s gaze, it’s so peaceful.

Suddenly the bliss is interrupted as the wolf’s eyes disengage their contact with mine. The purple pony uses one of her hind legs to kick the wolf in its face sending it flying back into the snow. She then hurriedly lifts me back up to my feet. Confused I feel the need to familiarize myself with my surroundings. For a moment it felt like I wasn’t even here, I didn’t even feel like myself. The more I think about it the more perplexed I become. I stare at the wolf as it scrambles and stands back up in the snow. I feel the need to stare into its eyes once more.

“What are you doing? Come on!” The purple pony urges.

With the sense of danger returning to me I turn and follow the purple pony out of the condensed bundle of trees as the wolves, which seemed to have stopped once one of them had captured me, continue their pursuit. Free from the trees and now able to roam a bit more freely the pony pulls me around a tall hill covered in snow. She gasps at the sight of a small opening at the base of the hill big enough for us to fit in.

“In here hurry!” She urges.

She crawls inside the dark tunnel and I follow closely behind. It’s very dark, and I can feel the soil underneath my hands is covered in ice and frost much like everything else in this frozen land. We move back as far as we can until the tunnel becomes too tight to move back any further.

“Shh!” She says looking at me straight in the eyes.

I do as she says and go as far as to hold my breath to be sure I am as quiet as possible. She and I gaze out the tunnel as the world seems still. Then out from the side one of the wolves steps out into view. It growls while looking around the woods. It stares into our little tunnel and takes a few steps closer. It sniffs the air and continues to growl, and as my heart trembles in my chest I try to keep my body still as I feel it can still see me regardless of how dark it is. Second after excruciating second I watch the clouds of breath leave the wolf’s mouth until finally turning and running of in the opposite direction as the rest of the pack follows. As the sounds of their paws dashing through the snow fades away the purple pony starts to catch up her breath.

“I think they’re gone.” She mutters.

My mind is having trouble fully grasping that we are indeed safe, so just to put my thoughts at ease I go ahead and try to take a quick peek outside. I crawl through the tunnel and just before I’m able to get a complete view of the outside I am aggressively pulled back away from the opening.

“What are you doing?!” She whispers.

“I-I was just—”

“Don’t! They might see you! Besides who knows what else could be out there?! So just keep quiet and we’ll wait here for a while until I know for sure that they are all gone, maybe get some rest. Who knows what else might be out there.”

The purple pony then crawls all the way in the back of the tunnel becoming sheathed in shadows. I don’t feel comfortable being near the exit after what she had said, and it feels much colder here than it did back there. I don’t feel safe, and I don’t want to be isolated by the only face I’ve seen in days. Awkwardly I try to move towards the back of the cave, but before I can even move close enough to her she stops me immediately.

“Hey! You stay over there! This is my side and that is yours, so stay on your side.” She orders.

Out of sudden fear I refrain from moving any closer and sit myself back to where I originally was. The pony lies down and lays her head. Her eyes glare at me, and out of nervousness of being scolded again I turn my head the other way. Fearfully I turn back and see that now she is trying to sleep, but I myself feel wide awake. My body is tired but my eyes are bouncy and my hands are still a bit jittery. I still want to know why she came back for me, but I don’t think she really wants to talk right now. Then again, I do feel I should at least thank her for saving me. After a bit of thought I finally muster up some bravery to speak.

“. . . Thank you.” I say.

“What?” She asks irritably.

“Just thank you, for-for saving me.”

She doesn’t respond, and instead turns her body around to block me out. I notice that she has my bag on her back. I want to ask her for it back, but I think that would be pushing it a little. Besides, I’m too afraid to even breathe loud enough for her to hear. I lean my back against the curved wall of the tunnel and look down at my hands. Still they are trembling, so I try to rub them together to maybe calm them down and warm them up. I feel I should just calm down and try to get some sleep, but after what has happened today I don’t think that’s possible.

“. . . I saved you because I didn’t know what to believe.” She says.

With a jolt I turn my head towards her, but she still refuses to look my way.

“I just couldn’t help checking the bag just to be sure, and sure enough there it is just like you said . . . you did only take one match, and left the rest for me-but! Don’t think that means that I trust you! I’m not even sure if I made the right choice, so don’t you think for a second that all of a sudden now we’re friends-because we’re not. Understand?!” She asks angrily.

“. . . Yes.” I say frightened.

“Good.”

“. . . My name’s Aireal.”

“I know that.”

“You-You do?” I ask intriguiged. “ . . . Well, w-what’s your name?” But she does not respond. “. . . You . . . You said you know Trixie. How? Were you—?”

“Will you stop with these redundant questions?! You already know the answers so why are you asking?!” She asks annoyed. “Just how are you even here anyway?! After what happened that day I thought you were gone for good.”

“What do you mean? What happened? . . . Please tell me!”

“And why should I?!”

“Becau—.” I pause realizing that my excuse is one that she will never believe. “Because I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything.”

“Ridiculous.”

“I’m telling the truth!” I plea.

“Why should I believe a single word that you say?!” She jolts up and glares angrily at me. “I was on my hooves crying over my friends.” She begins to step towards me, and I am filling with fear. “I asked for comfort, and what did you do?” She comes even closer. “You ran and locked me in without a word!” She says heatedly now near my face. “After that do you really think I should believe anything you say?” I start to back up towards the wall, but she leans in even closer with her eyes staring down at me. “Well? Should I!?” She shouts. “If you really are you say you are then maybe Trixie is better off without you!”

Slowly I can feel my heart shattering. As she stares me down I feel like an insignificant insect compared to her. Her anger has filled me with fear, and her words and tone of voice are filling me with misery. The longer she stares with her big furious eyes into mine causes them to tremble. I can feel water building behind them, and then a tear down my cheek. The pony’s anger starts to unexpectedly calm, but with my throat growing sore and the tears not stopping I turn away and hide my face beneath my arms. I proceed to uncontrollably sob quietly as the pony says not another word. I feel like a child who had just been scolded by his mother, and is now reduced to a puddle of tears. I can feel her eyes still staring at me, and I try to ignore it, but it doesn’t work. Her shouting and saying that Trixie is better off without me just . . . hurt. Not a physical pain, but a pain that stabs the heart. I’ve felt sadness before, but this is different. Very different. I already know what I’ve done to myself. I let myself fall victim to that voice. My misery is mixing with anger, anger at myself. It wasn’t me, not who I really am. I may not remember much about myself, but I do know that I am not someone who ignores ones tears and cries for help. Breathing becomes a struggle, and trying to capture a breath only makes the sound of my whimpering worse. Then, I start to think.

“. . . M-Maybe your-your right.” I struggle to say. “A-After what I did, then how do I know I haven’t done something worse? Maybe. . .” I pause in near disbelief of the words that are about to leave my lips. “. . . Maybe she is better off without me.”

I lift up my head a little and see the purple pony turned over again facing the blackness of the tunnel. It feels pointless to continue speaking as I’m sure she will just ignore anything I have to say, but I still believe I should say it.

“I . . . I know it won’t matter to you but, I’m sorry. For everything.” I say.

She remains motionless, now out of things to say I give up on my voice. There isn’t anything else I can say. There really isn’t anything else that needs to be said I suppose. I went on this journey searching for the one that I believe I held dearest to me, but now it’s convoluted by the idea that maybe she doesn’t want to see me again if she really is out there. I barely remember anything about my past, and for all I know I could have done something horrible. I don’t even know who I am anymore, or who I’m supposed to be. My mind is running crazily with thoughts hopeful and distrustful. If only I could just silence them for a moment to breathe. I lay down against the frozen soil and my head against the curved tunnel wall. The cold air chills my wet eye lids and cheeks. For once, staring out at the falling snow relaxes me. I need to sleep; it will give me that moment to escape, a moment that I desperately need to relieve the stress.

I shut my eyes and try to drift away. Hours it seems pass by as I toss and turn on the ground restlessly. The tears around my eyes have turned into a very thin coating of frost. Nothing but the sound of the wind is around me, but not even this calm silence can help. I still can’t stop thinking about them. Trixie, Valiari-all of them. Every time I open my eyes and try shutting them again all I can see is their faces. Again I continue to toss and turn almost violently to try and clear my head. I clench my eye lids to keep them shut, but that only makes them want to open even more. I give up on trying to sleep. I lay flat on my back and stare up at the ceiling of the tunnel with a sigh.

“Can’t sleep either huh?” Says the purple pony.

Startled by her voice I turn my head to her as she also is lying flat on her back staring up at the ceiling.

“I just can’t stop thinking about them, my friends. They were everything to me and now . . . now they’re gone. And I can’t bring them back.” She says. “Just seeing them in that ice, frozen and lifeless . . . and it’s all my fault. I wasn’t there to save them; it’s all because of me. I put my studies before them, and now they’re gone.”

“. . . It’s not your fault.” I dare to speak. “M-Maybe now you’re their only chance.”

“That can’t be. My magic, it’s useless. It’s so cold that it has stunt my ability to cast spells. I just-! . . . I want to believe there’s something I can do.”

“. . . I know that feeling.”

“How could you possibly know how it feels? To be the only hope your closest friends have to save their lives, but in reality it’s either too late or your too weak. How can you know?”

“All this time I’ve been trying to find my friends. Ready to go through anything to find them, but it’s just like you said. It’s probably too late, they might just be nothing but statues now. And if they’re not I’m just not strong enough.”

“So even though you feel it’s too late, and you’re physically incapable of making it through, you’re still looking for them?”

“. . . Yes.” I say in disbelief. “It’s just . . . a feeling I have. That maybe they’re still out there somewhere, and I have to find them. They’re all I have, and after how far I’ve gotten, I might as well keep going.”

I can’t even think of giving up, not now and not ever. They are the only ones that keep me going. If it is too late I’ll never know for sure unless I find them myself. Until then I will keep going, and I won’t stop searching until I find them. I should be thanking this pony. Because of her she’s reminded me the whole reason that I’m here, and why I never should have even considered that what I was doing was in vain.

“. . . Don’t you feel that?” I ask. “Don’t you feel like there’s still hope?”

“I just . . . I wish I could see them again.” I hear the pony’s voice starting to struggle. “I-I keep remembering all the times we’ve shared together, all the fun we’ve had and the tears we’ve shed. I just want to . . . relive those moments.”

“And no matter what, you’ll go through anything just to be with them again.”

“. . . No matter how impossible it seems.”

At that moment she and I turn to each other at the very same time the both of us now shocked and speechless. In her I no longer see the furious pony that shouted and hated me, but I see that pony I saw back at the bakery with her big teary eyes, droopy ears and innocent face. The one that wanted help and comfort, but this time I’m here. To help her as I know exactly how she feels.  As she stares with her tear-filled eyes into mine I realize that she and I really aren’t so different after all. It almost feels like I’m looking into a mirror.