Chapter 1

Darkness, blackness and nothing but empty spaces within a lonely void are all that accompany me. It feels like a dream that you can never wake up from, and a peace that lasts forever without war. These shadows have become one with me, and I am one with them. However, can I really refer to myself as “I”? If my body is emptiness, non-existent, then I must not exist. I cannot be a mass of thoughts without a body to call home. Something else must be out there beyond these walls of black. Perhaps, something that can induce happiness or delight. Although, do these emotions even exist? So many questions I had never thought of before are caving in, and my need for answers is growing. A change is beginning to take place in this abyss of darkness. It’s becoming . . . cold, but my insides are warm. I can feel my . . . my chest moving up and down as air enters my lungs. I can feel my legs trembling, and my hands clenching into fists. Some sort of force is pulling me down against a hard but smooth surface. A line of something bright slices through the dark and my eyes grab hold of their first wonderful sight. A rigid hole has been cut through the roof of stone above me. Stone is surrounding me in this wide tavern. Through the hole shines a glorious aura of white into my irises, and gently floating down are small bundles of white that land on my cheeks. They feel so cold, but watching them feels warming. I never thought that there was something like this in existence, but . . . I do not remember anything before this. It feels as though I’ve been laying here all this time but never realized. I glide my hands over a smooth and slick cloth over my body being roofed by the continuous white particles falling through the opening in the stone. It appears to be black, and around my arms are sleeves that connect to the torso with cuffs outlined in white. Where did this come from?

Below my torso are my legs also sheeted in the same cloth, and dark pointed shoes that cover my feet tightened by shiny silver buckles. The back of my neck seems to be the warmest as it is covered by a dented and torn collar that hugs it. How could I have attained this apparel? How could something as wonderful as light such as this exist? Nothing but questions are filling my mind at the moment. My ears listen to the sounds of winds forcing their way across and through the hole bringing down a wave of the gorgeous white particles of ice. I had not noticed until now, but how do I understand what all of this is? It’s as though all these answers have already been in my mind hiding themselves, just as I have been hiding myself. Breathing in the chilly air feels so soothing, and watching the light is so pleasuring. What else could be out there? I will never find out unless I force myself to. I curl up my legs and turn my body over face down to the ground, which is sheeted in the bundles of white. I use my hands to press against it and my arms to push myself up, but a sound breaks the silence. A deep cracking sound from underneath my hands along with vibrations that travels through the ground.

I struggle to hold my body in the air, so I lock my knee under me as to keep my position causing even more sounds to erupt. Curiously I wipe away the particles of ice away from the ground and find that it is not composed of stone like the rest of this cave. It is cold and smooth . . . I find that I have been pressing down against a layer of ice. Lifting up my head I notice another opening across the empty cavern. If I can just stand myself up and move I can join that bright white light that seems to be beckoning me towards it. I push myself once again to attempt a standing position, but the ice under my hands bends downward nearly sucking my hand down under it. My fingers meet with a freezing fluid seeping through the indentation. My heart jumps in my chest as I yank my hand away shaking it to toss away the water. If the rest of this ice were to break I just might find my entire body submerged in this deathly freezing pond of water. I must escape, but how will I get myself to stand without breaking the ice? Especially after seeing what just the pressure from my hand could do. The light beyond feels like its extending its hand out to me for assistance, but it is just out of reach.

With my urge to see and have my heart continue to beat I carefully settle my foot onto the ice and begin to gently lift myself up, but sure enough I can feel the ice rupturing beneath me. There is no way I will be able to stand over the ice; I can just imagine it breaking and the cold water freezing my blood. I can see myself sinking down to the bottom unable to find my way back up as the water fills my lungs. I, not wanting to even attempt to move, remain still in the center of the frozen pond. There is nowhere else for me to go. I am stranded on this pond, and I feel any attempt to stand will completely shatter the ice. The wind grows even more violent up above as it whistles throughout the cave. The white wonder from above pelts the top of my head catching itself in my hair. Inside the winds my ears catch another sound. It grows louder and clearer; revealing itself as a voice trying to speak out.

“Do not stand.” It says.

I do not know why, but I feel that this voice has an authority over me; thus I do not move another muscle until I hear the voice say otherwise.

“Now, do not walk, but carefully crawl your way to safety.”

Without any questioning as to who or what this voice is I follow its directions and remain down near the ice. Inch by inch I shuffle my hands and knees along the ice towards the edge. The closer I get the louder and more intense the cracking sounds become.

“Do not worry, you will be fine.” Says the voice. My mind believes I should trust this voice, but that doesn’t stop my body from shaking and my heart racing. My hands finally come into contact with the glorious rigid stone, and with my whole body now safe on the solid ground my heart can finally rest. I begin to feel grateful to the voice, for I would not have believed that crawling along the ice would have kept it stable enough for me to cross. I must use my own voice to express my gratitude, but no matter how hard I try I cannot find it. My throat is not only weak, but my mouth is not capable of forming words for I do not know how.

“Do you know who I am?” The voice asks.

Clueless I stare out to walls of the cave without a sound.

“Do you know where you are?”

All I know is that I am indeed in a cave, but if this place has a particular name then I am not aware of it. I remain silent, waiting for the voice to share with me anything that can maybe help me.

“. . . What is your name?” It asks.

“. . . N . . . N-Name?” I mutter unknowingly.

Speaking feels odd, but at the same time it feels like it is slowly becoming natural to make words. This particular question digs itself into my mind. I for some reason feel I know an answer to this; I just have to burrow in deeper in my thoughts to find it.

“. . . I . . . I’m A-Aireal . . . My n-name is Aireal.”

I didn’t find this answer; it just seemed to flow through my mouth without any prior thought. It felt natural to say that this was my name, and now I feel it must be.

“Perfect.” Says the voice.

“W-What?” I ask curiously.

“Never mind, just do as I say and I will guide you to where you need to be. Do you understand?” I nod my head to show that I do indeed understand.

“Good, then you must press forward.”

“Wait. . . Wh-Who are you?”

“You will find out once we meet, are you sure you do not recognize my voice?”

“N-No.”

“. . . Then now you must go. I will take you to my home. I hope from there things will become clearer to you. You see the exit from this cave ahead of you right? Through there I will tell you the route you must take.”

Still kneeling on the rough stone I make another attempt to stand.

“. . . Will you take a look behind you?” The voice asks.

Obeying his voice I turn my head to the frozen pond. Behind it is an uneven opening leading further into the dark, looking into it causes my body to tremble as I do not want to be back in the dark. That cold and lonely space; never do I want to be surrounded by it again. It feels so relaxing to hear another voice, it assures me that I am definitely not alone in this place. But looking into the dark isn’t that horrific as the light from the hole drags my attention to the particles of ice falling down onto the frozen pond. I also had not noticed, but along the cave walls are transparent clean-cut stones growing from the walls. Looking at them gives me a slightly strange feeling.

“Does that look at all familiar to you?”

Staring at it I desperately try to come up with an answer for this mysterious voice, but I end up with nothing.

“. . .No.”

“Okay, then . . . never mind. Just go on and leave the cave.”

I use the energy that is now flowing to my legs to push myself up until I am standing on the bottom of my shoes. I nearly topple over, but regain my balance in time to fix my position. Now, I just have to walk. I lift my right leg, then my left, and I continue this motion until I find a comfortable rhythm. One of my legs gives out in the middle of my way to the exit, so I stop and fix myself to get back into the rhythm. I can feel the air becoming colder. Wind is blowing towards my body and sneaking its way through the fibers of my clothes and chilling my skin, but the wonderful white light ahead encourages me to keep moving forward. With my first step through the exit my foot falls deep into a white coating along the ground. As far as my eyes can see the land is laced with white. This . . . snow, it’s beautiful. It rests on top of every tree’s branches and pretty much every other surface for that matter. Tall blades of grass try to pierce through the snow but only their tips are visible. Beyond the horizon are enormous mountains and they look as though they were dipped right into the snow. The sky is purely white mixed with gray; the clouds are moving so quickly it is hard to keep track of them. As I bask in the wonder of this landscape my leg starts to freeze. Some of the snow finds its way into my shoe and up into my pant leg.

“Forward, go forward until I say otherwise.”

I sink my other foot into the layer of snow as it immediately starts to freeze along with the other.

Despite the cold it still is amazing to stare at. I push myself through the snow listening to it crunch beneath my feet. Every tree has icicles hanging below each branch reaching down the snow as if wanting to be a part of the splendor. The newly falling snow clusters sneak their way behind the collar of my jacket and down to my skin. My breath clouds and floats through the air like a ghost, but disperses instantly. Occasionally I’ll stumble on something jetting out from the ground under the snow forcing even more of it to find its way into my shoes. The wind begins to blow roughly towards my face as the ice particles feel as though they are cutting into my cheeks. I desperately pull the collar up as high as possible to block some of the wind, but it just finds its way around. The muscles in my arms begin to vibrate violently as well as my chest. I throw my arms around myself to maybe find some warmth. Every breath feels like the icicles are forming right along the walls of my lungs. After so long of walking my ears have begun to lose feeling as well as my cheeks.

“Keep going, you are almost there.” The voice says. “Stop, now you must climb your way up.”

I dreadfully lift my head out from behind the collar to see a rocky hill dead ahead of me. I never noticed it was even coming up for I had been keeping my face down to avoid the wind. There are a few wide openings that I can rest my hands onto to pull myself up. It isn’t like there’s a way around this; it stretches all the way from left to right. I grab hold of the edge as my hand quickly begins to burn from the cold snow. I grab hold with my other hand and try to use the openings below to slide my shoes into. Climbing up the wind blows a huge cloud of snow into my face and down my jacket. My nose is beginning to run, and my hands are turning red, but I must climb up one more ledge. I can’t, I feel the want to just sit and try to warm myself up as much as possible.

“You cannot stop now; if you do you will freeze. Just up that last ledge and you will not be far from my location. . . Please, just push yourself a little bit farther.”

Just a little bit farther he says, and I will have made it to wherever he is guiding me. Soon I will be relieved from this cold. I cannot give up now; I’ve gotten this far I might as well continue. Rubbing my hands together I prepare them for the cold, and I throw them onto the edge and hurriedly try to get my shoes some grip along the rocky wall. Lifting myself up I find my face becoming buried in a thick layer of snow. I dig myself out while trying to brush off the snow, but careful not to have anymore of it fall down into my jacket. Which of course is inevitable since a good majority of it gets stuck in my sleeves and behind my neck. Then out in the distance through the growing increase of snow raining from the darkening clouds lies a small little wooden shack with a yellow glow from behind the windows. Through the roof is a little chimney that spurts out streams of smoke into the air. I shuffle my way through the piling layers of snow, and just before I can lay my hand on the rusty knob of the shack the door flies open and my eyes are met with an animal. It’s like a small horse, except its features and body are quite strange. Its eyes are big and the irises are brown. A short hat with a long pointed brim rests atop his silver mane. The front of his mane is so long that it nearly covers his right eye. He bears a brown slightly tattered jacket with a tall collar, and stained white pants with paint brushes nestled in its pockets. His hind legs have brown shoes, and the cuffs of his sleeves are folded up to reveal his hooves.

“Come in hurry come in!” He urges while grabbing my arms and pulling me inside.

My body is met with instant relief as the little shack is so warm inside. He guides me through a short hall into a bigger room which is cluttered with papers covering every inch of the walls and floor. This place looks not very well kept, but how can I complain? I’m just grateful to be out of that chilling horror. “Here sit, sit.” He leads me to a little fireplace and sets me down near it. I notice as I bathe in the warm waves of heat that there are several painting canvases stacked up near the walls along with a wooden stand for one of them to rest in. The mysterious stallion takes a seat near me and watches me curiously.

“Do you know who I am?”

“Y-You’re that voice—”

“Yes, yes that we know; but do you remember me?”

“I . . . No I-I don’t.”

“My name is Valiari. Does that spark a memory in you?”

“I’ve never heard of. . . W-What do you want from me?” I ask nervously.

“I don’t want you to be nervous-l-look around you. Does any of this look familiar to you?”

I truly try my hardest to maybe remember something, but still I come up with nothing.

“. . . No.” I say.

The stallion stands and paces around the room with his hoof on his forehead mumbling inaudibly to himself. I feel I’m causing him irritation, and I do want to help him, but I really don’t know the answers to any of his questions. Perhaps he has me mistaken for someone else. His pacing continues anxiously as he now taps the tip of his hoof under his chin continuing to mutter, until something catches his eye beyond the hall. In a flash he trots over back to the room with something in between his teeth. A bag, it brings feelings of confusion to me. He takes his seat next to me again and reaches his hoof into the slightly worn and stained white bag.

“Now, I want you to look carefully at the item I’m about to show you. And I want you to tell me if you feel anything at all.”

He pulls out a clean wide-brimmed violet hat. It is tall and pointed at the top with decorations of yellow and light blue stars, dots and sparkles all around. I feel the need to say “no” yet again, but there’s something about it that seems peculiar. I reach out it and the stallion sets it in the palms of my hands. The fabric feels smooth to the touch, and also it feels . . . like I know what this is. I can feel myself struggling in my thoughts to figure out exactly where I may have seen this before. As if something in the back of my mind is trying to find its way out. My heart unknowingly starts to pick up its beat, and my breathing becomes unsteady. I can see something, an image, flashing on and off inside my mind.

“. . . Well? Anything?” He asks.

“I. . . I know this. This . . . belonged to someone I-I knew.”

“Yes, go on.” He says eagerly.

“And. . .  we . . . I-I can’t-I can’t remember.” Valiari lets out a sigh of disappointment.

“Well, at least it’s a start. . .”

“. . . Trixie.” I mumble under my breath as my eyes have now become seemingly hypnotized by the violet hat.

“What? What was that? What did you just say?!” Valiari asks loudly and excitedly.

“Uh I-I—”

“Trixie? Is that what you said?!”

“Yes b-b-but I-I don’t know why I-just. . .” I can't help from slurring and stuttering my words out of anxiety and his pressuring me for answers. I don’t understand, why would that just slip out of my mouth? That name doesn’t sound familiar at all to me. It almost feels as though I myself didn’t even say the name. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why I—”

“No, no, no don’t be sorry! This is good we’re making progress!” He says with a newfound smile on his face and hooves grasping my shoulders. “Do you feel like there’s something in the back of your mind, but you just don’t understand what it is? Something that is trying to desperately find its way out?”

“. . . How do you know that?”

“That doesn’t matter, but what does matter is getting you to see what has been trying to show itself! You need to let it free, and if that was able to spark that much inside of your mind then showing you more should do the trick! Come on, we’re going to take a little trip!” The stallion flips through the stacked canvases and pulls one out from the group. He places it on the wooden stand and pulls out one of the paintbrushes from his pocket.

“. . . Where are we going?” I ask.

“To find your memories.”