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Unplanned Parenthood

by Wintergreen Diaries

Chapter 8: Spoiled Fun

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Chapter 8: Spoiled Fun

The Canterlot castle was in a state of pandemonium. The guards had no idea what to do with themselves, as the magic at work in the skies were clearly the princesses, but nopony seemed to be able to find them. It was due to this frantic search that Discord was able to roam the halls undisturbed, taking in the scene with glee.

“My, it’s been over a thousand years since I’ve seen my two favorite alicorns let go like this. Well, I promised I’d repay whatever pony released me, and repay them I will.” Ignoring the easy targets milling about, he made his way to the roof where Celestia was giggling at the funny pictures being drawn by Luna. Discord looked up in time to see an image of Twilight being chased by a horde of animated books, and appeared next to the Solar Princess with a grin. “Why, hello Celestia. We meet again.”

“Hey there, Discord!” she quipped, completely unfazed by his appearance. Discord understood this to mean that Celestia wasn’t just acting like a foal, but that she was clearly being influenced by something.

“This is certainly disappointing, Celestia. Here I was thinking you had finally loosened up a bit, but it would appear that you’re still just as boring as ever. Honestly, it’s quite rude to get my hopes up like that.” He paused for a moment as she paid him no heed, suddenly remembering that she still had control of the sun. The world seemed to strobe as it raced in and out of sight, and while Discord couldn’t have any fun with the sisters, he still relished the disorder shrouding the land. “I suppose that some thanks are in order, Celestia. Allow me to assist your friends in Ponyville, as a token of my gratitude.”


For the first time in months, Cerulean truly felt at ease. The completely overturned room, the blue puddles that coated himself and the floor, even the broken lights seemed to just make sense, somehow. He slowly sat up and took in the sight, before noticing that Twilight was just coming awake. It was approximately two point three seconds from the time she regained consciousness to the point at which she started to chuckle, slowly building in volume until it filled the room. It shifted suddenly to tearful sobs, though only for a matter of seconds, and then back again to her previous chortling. It was a beautiful sight.

“Chaos: a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order. In a word? You, my dear mare.” Cerulean smiled as he helped Twilight to her hooves, though she could hardly stand she was giggling so hard.

“Chaos, yes, such delightful irrationality! Wouldn’t you agree, Cerulean?”

“If a cacophonous tumult and utter disarray are what you desire, then who am I to obstruct your path? I rather fancy your impish grin, and as such will amply supply any request so as to spurn your cachinnation to new limits,” he nodded sagely, cupping her face in his hooves and kissing her deeply. She paused momentarily as the gears in her head shifted, the hormones of pregnancy combining with the poison joke to create a tenuous balance between momentary stability and full blown insanity. A sudden wave of frustration washed over the mare, and she took a swing at Cerulean. He caught the hoof and spun her around in a circle, beaming as she began to cackle loudly, brushing against him as she trotted up and out, with Cerulean following just behind her.


Zecora was in the middle of creating a very sensitive brew when her door suddenly slammed open, and Rainbow Dash, Storm, and Pinkie Pie barged in. She barely managed to keep the mixture from erupting as she added the correct dose of the final ingredient, and the frothing mass instantly reduced to a easy simmer.

“Why must you barge in so unexpected? I have no magic to keep you protected.”

“Zecora, you gotta help! Twilight’s experiment went screwy and now all of Ponyville has been covered with poison joke rain!”

“This is a dire situation indeed. Unfortunately, I do not have what you need. For the antidote, I am missing several ingredients. For this recipe, there is nothing expedient.” She watched their faces fall as Pinkie continued her non stop twitching. “I gave Twilight plenty of the antidote. You should check her house for a cure for poison joke.” Rainbow Dash froze as she heard Discord’s deep, rumbling laugh overhead.

“Oh no...” she whispered, darting outside just in time to see his tail pass overhead. “This is bad, this is really really bad! Come on, guys! We have to get the elements together so we can stop Discord!”

“Discord?”

“I’ll explain on the way, Storm. For now, just run!”


Applejack looked up with surprise at the blue cloud that reached a few yards into the Sweet Apple Acres estate with skepticism. Now what ‘n tarnation are the pegasi doin’? She trotted over to investigate as the it began to release its bounty, and she was drenched in the deep blue fluid, a small amount getting into her mouth and causing her to sputter at the vile taste. Deciding that there was nothing she could do to protect the trees, she made her way back to the corn fields to continue, since the apple harvest wasn’t for another month or so yet.


Fluttershy’s cottage was far enough away from town that the rain had not affected anything nearby. As such, she was going about her regular routine, and had just finished giving lunch to all of the animals when she sat down to take a breather. Angel was being more stubborn than normal, but finally caved and ate his salad after a couple sound words. She didn’t enjoy having to be stern, but it sure made dealing with him easier sometimes. Having finished the last leaf, Angel approached with a sullen expression.

“Angel, don’t look so upset, please. Come on, what should we do this afternoon?” He said nothing, crossing his arms and turning away. “Fine, if that’s the way you’re going to be about it, I won’t force anything on you,” she said gently, standing and walking to the center of the room. She didn’t really have anywhere to be, maybe some music would help. Shuffling through her cds, she selected a nice classical piece and lay down for a nap. Fluttershy was just about to fall asleep when the music suddenly began to blast out one of her favorite dance tracks. The lyrics made her blush wildly if she listened closely, but once she got dancing the world tended to drift away. “Ok, Angel, if you insist. I suppose a little confidence training might be fun.” Angel, who had been lulled to sleep by the softer notes, was extremely confused by the statement, seeing as how he hadn’t moved an inch and wasn’t the one who had changed the music.

Discord sat staring unhappily as the timid mare took the change of pace in stride. “Well, that was no fun at all! I figured something so dirty would be just the thing to shock a reaction out of this scaredy pony. Wait, what is...” he stopped mid sentence, staring as she checked to make sure nopony was watching before opening her closet and setting up a tall pole in the middle of the living room. “Now, that is simply absurd! There is no way a pony could change this much in a year.” He was proven very wrong as she began to dance in time with the music, flaunting her stuff and making prolific use of the pole. Discord was not normally one to be at a loss for words but this... this wasn’t possible. Entertaining? Absolutely; but what fun was there in not being the one to cause the change? He wasn’t about to lose though.

Reaching through the window, he tapped the player again and the soothing melody returned once more. Fluttershy paused for a moment, startled by the shift, but soon resumed dancing, slowing her movements to match the tempo. Infuriated, Discord burst through the window and stood in front of Fluttershy. She paid him no heed for a time, her eyes closed as she let the music flow through her limbs, guiding them through the air and across her body. She slowly wrapped her arms around Discord, whispering softly to what she thought was the pole. Confusion was something Discord sought to cause, not experience, but for the first time in a millenium, his mind went blank. Totally, completely empty. Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes as she noticed the pole had become quite furry, and a thumping rhythm out of sync with the music beat against her chest. As the realization of who and what she was holding dawned on her, she gave a colossal scream and shoved him with much greater force than he would have guessed she was capable of, sending him horns over tail into the wall.

“What, but, I, Discord? What are you, how did you...” she stammered. His mind was just beginning to reboot, but if there was any chance to squeeze some fun out of the mare, this was his chance.

“I must say, Fluttershy, you’ve changed quite a bit since last we met.”

“Yes, I have.” What? That’s it, no cowering or frantic squealing?

“Gah, when did you become so boring? Come here, I’m going to make you,” he started, before Fluttershy’s harsh rebuttal again crashed his mind, resulting in yet another hard restart.

“You keep your filthy claws off of me, Discord! I’m not going to let you boss me around, do you hear me? You should be ashamed of yourself, breaking into my house and messing with my music. Nopony messes with my music, do you hear me?” The hapless draconequus stared dumbly at the cream colored pegasus, arms hanging limply at his sides as his brain was invaded by his beloved chaos. It was, however, much easier to give than to receive. “I said, do you hear me?!?” she shouted, her usually calm and gentle features contorted into a twisted sneer of rage.

“I, ye, uh...”

“Get out of my house!” she roared, stomping a hoof. Discord made a break for it through the window, diving out and taking flight as Fluttershy’s voice echoed all around. “And don’t come back!”


Determined not to let the little incident at the cottage bog him down, Discord made straight for Sweet Apple Acres to mess with the Element of Honesty. It was always fun to take a strong, dependable pony and bring them down a few notches. Hearing her voice in the distance, he broke into a fiendish grin, landing in the trees and slithering around them stealthily towards the sound. What confronted him was a sight he never would have expected to see coming from Applejack, who lay in a heap sobbing her eyes out.

“What in Equestria is going on around here?” Discord yelled, slapping his talons to his face and letting them run slowly down. “Somepony is ruining my fun! Even at my worst, though, I never made Applejack cry. This is bordering pathetic, and that’s just... boring! Agh, this is worse than being a statue!”

“Huh, who’s there? Oh, it doesn’t matter anyhow, ah’ll never find mahself a stallion!” This had to be a new record for most oddities experienced in a day. Applejack crying over being lonely? Discord couldn’t stand it. He may be the King of Chaos, but he just wanted to have a good time, and this? This wasn’t fun.

“Oh, Applejack, whatever is the problem? It’s not like you to be so weak.” The orange mare pulled her head up enough to give him a teary glare before resuming her wailing, not the slightest bit bothered by the fact that it was Discord she was talking to.

“What’s the problem? Easy, ahm all alone, Discord! Ah don’t have a special somepony! First Twilight, an’ now Rainbow Dash, they both got somepony t’ go ‘ome to, t’ cuddle with.” Cuddle? Applejack was worried about cuddling?

“I’m not usually one for coarse language, as I consider myself a refined individual, but if you don’t mind me saying; what the buck?!?” Applejack looked up at him, sniveling a bit.

“Hey, Discord, will you be my special somepony?”

“What?” He was about to elaborate on the thought when Applejack tackled him to the ground and forcibly connected their muzzles. While it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, it was far too disturbing for Discord to handle, and after a couple seconds of laying shell shocked, he pried Applejack off and held her at arm's length. “What happened to you, Applejack?”

“You sayin’ there’s somethin’ wrong with me? Ah knew it, no wonder ah don’t have a special somepony!” Her bawling resumed, and being moved with pity, Discord allowed a temporary breach of conduct and placed a comforting paw on her back, holding her close and rolling his eyes. After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to convince the mare that she wasn’t the most horrid creature walking the face of Equestria, he gave up and made for town, hoping to figure out just what the hay was going on. His aggravation soon turned to fear as he lighted in town to find the new Rarity sporting her fashion and acting as unladylike as one can be without openly bedding somepony in broad daylight. Were it not for the size difference between Spike and herself, Discord had to wonder if that wouldn’t be occurring too.

“Don’t tell me, you’re Miss Rarity?”

“Whoa, who you callin’ miss? Do I look like some helpless little lady?” she growled, hopping down from Spike’s shoulder and coming face to face with Discord. “You’d best watch what you say, Discord, or I’ll take you out.”

“What, like on a date?”

“You wanna die, mothabucka?” she howled, her horn glowing dangerously for a moment before Discord turned tail and ran. He didn’t get very far as Spike’s claw caught him firmly in its grasp. “Go on, Spike, teach him a lesson!” she shouted, laughing as Spike inhaled. Fearing for his life, Discord teleported just as a massive green flame torched the spot he had been just moments before.

“This is getting ridiculous! Can’t the King of Chaos have his own fun?” he shouted as he appeared a good distance away.

“Fun? I like fun! What kind of fun did you have in mind?” The crazed voice sent chills down his spine, and he slowly turned to find Twilight and a blue stallion approaching. The last of his hope drained away as the once level headed bookworm ripped a chunk of earth from the ground and hopped aboard, floating around Discord in lazy circles. “Discord, Discord, such a delightful word!”

“Personally, I find catastrophe or cataclysm more pleasing to the ears,” the stallion offered, calmly stepping aside as Twilight flung her platform at him. Twilight suddenly burst into tears, her magic causing a cloud to form and rain down balloons that seemed to be filled with lead, falling from the sky like anvils. “Come now, dear, cease your disconsolate tirade and continue with the invention of your beloved tumults.” She immediately perked up and continued eyeing a terrified Discord up and down.

“Well, well... Well well well well well, if it isn’t the King of Chaos!” she chortled prancing around him. “You want to play, hmmm? Play a game? What are the rules? No rules? Every rule? Make up your mind, Discord!” she suddenly shouted, eyes blazing. He gave a yelp and fell backwards as Twilight suddenly seemed to lose interest, grabbing a few blades of grass and turning them into actual blades, hurling them at Cerulean without warning. He calmly stomped his hoof down, raising a wall of ice as the daggers buried themselves up the hilts. Twilight burst through the ice and hungrily attacked him, moving from deadly to passionate at a moments notice. “See, he knows how to play. He plays nice!”

“Twilight Sparkle, I never thought I’d get to say this unless it was by my claw, but you’ve gone completely insane! Where is your lauded rationality?” he demanded, scrambling to his feet only to have the mare appear directly in front of him with a bored look.

“Rationality? What is this ‘rationality’ you speak of? I thought you’d be a bit more fun than that.”

“And, as best I can tell, her sanity is quite happily sealed within the deepest chasms of her psyche, in reference to your superfluous inquiry,” Cerulean added. His facial expression remained serious and unemotional as Discord began to scream, Twilight howling in time with him before devolving into a tremendous fit of giggles. It was too much.

“This isn’t the world I remember! Everything is wrong! Celestia, help me!” he cried, taking to the air and making straight for Canterlot. Rainbow Dash and Storm had just arrived on scene in time to watch the play unfold, and as Twilight turned her attention to them Dash splashed a good amount of the antidote on her face.

“Snap out of it, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash breathed a sigh of relief as her friends eyes refocused.

“Ugh, Rainbow Dash what,” she started, looking around and quickly growing frantic, “what’s going on? Why is everypony going mad?”

“That’s my question! You do realize you just sent Discord crying back to Canterlot single hoofed, right? What the hay did you do to him?”

“I don’t know! I remember poking the cloud, and then there was an explosion...” Twilight suddenly cringed as she saw the celestial chaos that was still continuing in the skies above. “How in Equestria did it get all the way to Canterlot? It doesn’t matter, we need to cure all these ponies!”

“There’s no way there’s enough antidote to go around.”

“Yeah, we only have these two jars. That’s all that wasn’t broken in your lab, Twilight,” Storm continued, holding out the remaining container.

“Perhaps a strategically placed cumulonimbus containing said remedy would suffice?” All eyes turned to look at Cerulean, who was completely indifferent to their gaping mouths.

“Cerulean, what’s gotten into you?”

“An extremely high concentration of what most ponies refer to as ‘poison joke.’ Such a nonsensical name.”

“That cloud thing is genius! Wait a second, I recently created a spell to replicate Discord’s cotton candy clouds. That could work!” Twilight squealed excitedly, the dire situation taking a back seat as she reveled in the idea of testing her new magic.

“Uh, Twilight? Why in Equestria would you try that?”

“Pinkie Pie’s birthday present,” she whispered, glancing around just in case Pinkie Pie was to show up.

“W-w-wow, T-Twilight, t-t-thanks!” Pinkie stammered, shakily making her way over. Twilight gave a cry of surprise, wondering what grave calamity was about to strike.

“My dear, you may want to proceed with your experimentation in the field of nephrology before further strife is born into the world.”

“But if I do that, you’ll stop being smart,” she moped, enjoying his newfound intelligence.

“That was an unnecessarily offensive remark, but one that I am willing to bare for the sake of everypony here.” Twilight heaved a sigh and grabbed one of the containers of the herbal remedy for the joke, and began to focus her magic. The jar floated into the air, surrounded by a growing lavender light until there was a shattering sound and a massive cloud billowed forth, rising into the sky and merging with the blue clouds.

A gentle rain began to fall, the blue puddles turning clear as the antidote dispelled the poison joke. It wasn’t long before everypony began returning to normal, and just as they heaved a sigh of relief, the telltale wail of a crestfallen fashionista echoed throughout the town. Twilight recoiled as the white unicorn tore past them and towards Carousel Boutique, her mohawk desperately trying to resist the downpour as she cast her jacket aside. Rainbow Dash was immediately upon it, pulling it out of the mud and holding it up while the rain washed it clean. Spike trailed after Rarity a short time later, though he found himself abruptly teleported over to Twilight.

“Spike, I need you to send this to the captain of the royal guard. Can you do that?”

“Sure, Twilight,” he muttered, missing the new Rarity. With a sigh he sent the jar away, and silently began trudging back to the library.

“So, Rainbow Dash, what exactly happened after my experiment, well, exploded?”

“Oh man, let me tell you...”


Celestia gave a gasp as Luna drenched her with a remedy for the poison joke, suddenly regaining her senses and giving a start as she realized the sun was still supposed to be up. Swooping down to her room she gave the clock a frantic glance and reset the sun to its proper place and turning to Luna.

“Sister, have you any idea what has happened?”

“Nay, I have not.”

“I certainly hope that nothing too,” she began before she heard Discord’s voice calling out from the sky.

“Celestia, where are you? What have you done with Equestria? I don’t want to live here anymore, just turn me back to stone!”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that sounded like Discord. But I’ve never heard him sound like that. It’s almost like he’s...”

“Terrified! Yes, I am! Now hurry up and turn me to stone! I only wanted to have a little fun but this was no fun at all!” he shouted as he tumbled through the window, bowing before the princesses. Celestia was too stunned to act, so Luna quickly drafted a letter and sent it off to Twilight before whispering into her sister’s ear. Discord looked up with surprise as the two sisters advanced, their shared smile only causing greater consternation on his part.

“My, Discord, it’s been so long since we played,” Celestia cooed, grabbing him with her magic and yanking him over.

“Sister, can’t we share?”

“Hmmm, I suppose I was a bit selfish all those years ago. All right then, Luna, you may join me. Discord, are you ready to play a game?”

“No! No games, just turn me back!” Celestia brought her mouth close to his, their lips a mere hair away before she dropped the sultry tone and chuckled.

“Alright, you win. No games. Have a fun trip!” There was a flash of magic, and then he was gone.


“Ok, everypony, Celestia told us to gather with the Elements, so now all we have to do is wait. Applejack, are you ok?”

“Ok? Ok?!? Twi, I tongue wrassled with Discord! O’ course I’m not ok!”

“I can’t wait till I get my hooves on him, I’m gonna teach him a lesson!” Fluttershy muttered. Rarity, no doubt compensating for the still dreadful condition of her mane, was clad in one of her best dresses, specifically selected for the complete covering of her tail. A matching, though perhaps slightly oversized chapeau, kept her mane hidden and out of sight, allowing her to keep her dignity. Cerulean and Storm sat a short distance away, watching the friends argue before a sudden flash landed a disgruntled Discord in the center.

“Right now, I’d rather be anypony but him,” Storm muttered out of the side of his mouth, with Cerulean nodding his agreement. Discord watched the Elements begin to glow around him, and as he realized that things had normalized he gave an exasperated sigh.

“I believe I stated this earlier... that I’m not one for coarse language? I will again make an exception. Celestia, you bi...”

Next Chapter: Broken Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 46 Minutes
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