Your Human and You: You Flunked the Spartacus Test
Side story of I Am Not Spartacus
Based in the 'Your Human and You' universe by MadMaxtheBlack
This story is NOT canon with Your Human and You

by Dan_s Comments

Celestia felt as if someone had poured boiling lead into her soul. The expression on Luna's face before she betrayed, then on Nightmare's when she was defeated, the centuries of second-guessing and soul searching had been concentrated and thrust back to the forefront of her mind. It isn't bad enough that I know the 1000th year is coming, Celestia thought as she glanced worriedly at Percy, who wore his habitual, placid expression, He can't know, he can't have done this to me intentionally. Nightmare's cult died out centuries ago. Than damnable 'Nightmare Night' festival made Nightmare Moon a laughing stock. A stupid creature tricked and bought off in ways only a foal wouldn't laugh at. It was a stake driven into the heart of the cult, so he can't be a member. But, what he played. It was so beautiful. And it HURT SO MUCH. She slowed her breathing, feeling as if the wound were in her flesh, instead of in her soul.

She looked at the guards, stolid and blank normally, each one looked haunted.

No pony has no regrets, Celestia thought, Even Cadence who has never harmed a living soul lays with her soul flayed bare, only Octavia escaped. She is too callow to have regrets. They are an affliction of the seasoned and 'sagacious'. Those who had to make hard choices, and do hard things. Celestia nearly screamed as her memories and her long list of regrets, lost friends and failures rose up and washed over her. If he wanted us to know and understand how ponies had hurt him, he has done it, she thought, and glanced again at him, Or was this all his pain, and we are merely resonating with it. I think that is worse. Better it be an attack against us, than we are merely the flotsam in the tide of his own agonies. That we have done such a thing to anyone who lives and thinks, is a crime beyond imagining.

She sighed and realized, And now, I must add to that weight. I must inflict another horror on him. Because I have to protect my ponies, and I must know with absolute certainty.

"You will speak to no one about this. Not to each other, not to Cadence, and not even to me," Celestia began, but her voice caught before she could complete her thought.

"Your Majesty," Cadence said, her own pained remembrances are painted in her every move and gesture, "Whether we talk about it or not. It happened."

'You cannot deny what you are feeling and how the music affected us', Celestia thought of Cadence's reaction and anguish, I can, I must, but you cannot and I envy you that. But she is correct, if someone speaks of this, there will have to be an answer.

"Very well," Celestia said, "The gag order holds. There are creatures who can take the form of somepony you love, and they feed off your love for them. They are called Changelings. They exist, although we haven't seen them in centuries. They were quite a problem in the early days of the kingdom, until we developed a spell to strip off their disguises. Percy could be a failed attempt at improving their technique. Send something loveable into the pony lands to collect their food."

Cadence stared in disbelief at Celestia expecting acceptance of the old mares' tale offered as an explanation to having the world and her view of it shaken so violently. For a few moments, she seemed on the verge of venting her anger at this tissue-thin excuse. Cadence looked away, and began walking again.

Cadence glanced at Celestia. Her expression barely under control. "We'll have to take him to the Institute," she said and glared at Celestia, "To get him tested for any hidden - surprises." She practically spat the last word at Celestia.

And Cadence looks at the human who has already done so much to make her the mare she will need to be when the Crystal Empire returns, Celestia thought, And now circumstances force her to heap more discomfort and indignities on him. This time at her command. I am sorry. This time would have to come eventually. Better with a human, however clever and special, only a single life, not when hundreds or thousands hang in the balance. And she glares at me one more time. Another memory of another Alicorn and a similar look of betrayal imposed itself, made Celestia shy from Cadence's scowl. I am sorry for what has happened to you both. It's wrong . . . I don't know if there's anything I can do to make things better. Please forgive me and let me try.
------------------------------

Cadence despised 'The Institute'. They did useful work, but the experiments on humans, and the necropsies gave most ponies the cold shivers. The ponies who worked there were worse.

Especially the doctor in charge. The mare didn't understand 'personal space' and treated ponies as doltish colts.

"You see Cadence, our testing methods are the finest in all of Equestria!" the mare said, brushing her hip against Cadence's.

Cadence grimaced and stepped away. They're the only one in Equestria. Cadence noted that Percy had dropped back a bit, then stepped up to place himself between the doctor and her. Another note for intelligence, or at least empathy. How many have we missed?

The doctor glared at the human, but Percy retained his absolutely neutral expression.

Something else drilled into him, she thought, Give no evidence. So, what will he do on these tests? Wait, how would Celestia respond to these tests by a group of aliens? The thought crashed into a brick wall. I have no idea, but I guess I'll know it when I see it.

"The first test is the maze. We paint the floor, the blues are 'boundaries' and give mild electric shocks. The yellow is the safe path. Over there is the prize, an entire carton of fruit. The human is tested on how quickly he can get to the carton of fruit at the end of the maze."

Sounds like a canned speech she gives over and over again, Cadence thought.

"Sit," Cadence said and pointed, then watched Percy as he did. "When I say 'go' you can have the fruit." He stared at her as she backed away.

"The shocks are minor, most humans figure out what's safe and what isn't in a matter of moments, but that discovery is factored into the time of the test," the doctor said.

Cadence felt guilty about subjecting him to the pain, but put that aside. We need to know, she thought, Just something else I'll remember if he plays that song again.

"Ready?" the doctor asked, her stop watch in hoof.

Cadence nodded. "Go! Get the fruit."

The doctor clicked, and Percy stood up and walked.

Zap.

Zap.

Zap.

Zap.

Straight to the carton of fruit. When the doctor stood slack-jawed, Cadence clicked the stopwatch. Yep, that's what Celestia would do, she thought and noted the reading. There was a chart on the wall of time versus intelligence. Hmm, right off the scale. But Twilight taught me to interpolate, so that's the straight line and . . . that's disturbing, he's smarter than Twilight.

Cadence saw several apples and an orange come sailing through the air towards her. Percy had tossed them to her as he was enjoying a banana, and going through the crate for his preferred goodies. Several off pieces were put aside.

"I think he's very intelligent," Cadence told the doctor.

"He's supposed to solve the maze," the mare said, then shrieked, "Not just walk across the barriers like they aren't there!"

"He did wince as he crossed them," Cadence offered, "Maybe I shouldn't have told him to get the fruit. He obviously thought I wanted some, so he just walked across them. My fiance is the same way." She grinned at the doctor who stared back.

"Of course," the doctor said. "Okay, take the fruit away from him, and let's set up the forcewalls." The doctor smiled as a burly technician headed towards Percy, who lofted another perfect apple to Cadence. "We do have contingencies for this kind of behavior," the doctor told her.

"How about for that behavior?" Cadence asked as Percy picked up the box of fruit and retreated across the maze barrier with it.

The technician, a unicorn, got ready to hop over the barrier. Just as he prepared to jump, Percy nailed him right on the horn with an apple.

ZAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP!

The technician convulsed slightly as he fell across the shock barrier. When he tried to rise, Percy nailed him in the side of the head with an orange.

The unicorn crawled back off the shock wall and hunkered down as best he could behind the stand the fruit had been on. Victorious for the moment, Percy kept eating, and tossing the shiniest apples and best oranges to Cadence, although he kept the pears and bananas to himself.

"Just use your horn," the doctor shouted at the tech.

The unicorn's horn glowed and the crate sailed back towards the stand, with Percy perched atop it.

"Put the box down and run!" Cadence shouted as she saw the anger on Percy's face.

The technician didn't believe her, and only saw an angry human advancing with a banana in each hand.

"Percy! No! Don't . . . oorgle ouch!" Cadence said and winced. A moment later she opened her eyes. "He'll live, but I don't think that poor stallion will ever look at bananas the same again."

Cadence waved a hoof in front of the doctor. "Uh, I'd suggest you get another crate of fruit, and I'll take Percy out so you can, uh, get this all cleaned up." She waved to her human. "Come on Percy. Yes, bring the crate with you."

He offered her another apple. "Thank you, but you didn't have to protect 'my' food from him quite so . . . enthusiastically."

"Bananananananana!" the technician squeaked.

"Yes, uh, important rule, don't steal food from Percy," Cadence said, "I wonder what would have happened if that was a pumpkin. On second thought, I can almost guess, and I don't want to know."
------------------------------

Celestia paced nervously. I have to know, I have to know. I have to know, she thought. She could sense Philomena's distress, and the guards' uneasiness. She looked at them, but couldn't still her racing thoughts. There has to be a way to determine if this is an attack, or just extremely unpleasant happenstance, she thought, she almost had an answer, then the expression on Nightmare's face surged in her mind, and she almost stumbled. She shook her head and laid down on her bed. The urge to pace, to move, anything to distract from the memories. But the memories distracted her from performing any distracting action safely.

Yes, that would be brilliant, twisting a hoof because I can't get the look of rage on my sister's face, or the horror on Nightmare Moon's face out of my mind, she thought and stifled a desire to stand and pace, or fling open the windows and race through the air on her own wings.

Only I can't do those either, I'd crash into a tower or a wall, she thought as she surged to her hooves and ran out the door. The guards ran with her and Philomena flew alongside.

The phoenix's war cry sounded, sending ponies scattering as the Princess thundered through the halls of Canterlot towards the Royal Apartments. The phoenix gave her friend several worried looks as the madmare seemed to race the wind.

Celestia ran, ran as fast as she ever had within the palace. When she arrived at her destination, it looked like half the guard and most of the night staff had arrived with her. Most were either armed or holding their usual implements like weapons. The pegasi maids who dusted the tops of the pillars were the most ridiculous, feather dusters and wash buckets at the ready.

I can't tell them, but I have to tell them something, she realized as they stood, arrayed for a battle and ready to fight what had so disturbed the princess.

"Check Captain Armor's quarters, you two, come with me," she ordered, sounding more certain than she felt.

She unlocked a door she doubted had been opened in a century, walking inside, she felt the weight of history and fallen dreams descended on her. No one knew why this huge room had been built, it had been used occasionally for storage, or for private meetings. But that was not why it had been built. She looked at the assembled guards, maids and janitors. Then the thought occurred to her. Solved two problems at once, she thought.

"I want this room cleaned to the walls, anything unusual is to be contained and I am to be summoned. None of you are to be heroes. You encounter any trouble, you call to me, understood?"

She received nods from the resolute soldiers and workers. She returned to her own apartment. Philomena arrived and settled on her perch. The phoenix stared at her ally.

"I haven't gone mad," Celestia assured her, "But, it may seem that way for a little while." She grinned as she laid out her plan. Philomena wasn't convinced, but would help her.
------------------------------

She left Percy in the same central location as she crossed through the maze. Cadence tried to hide her smirk as she approached the harried researcher. The technicians were different and much more skittish.

"Raise the shields," the doctor ordered. Percy tapped at the unseen walls, finding the gaps mirroring the painted floors.

I bet she wishes she could just wall him up in there, Cadence thought.

"Go!" Cadence called and the doctor hit the stop watch. And Percy didn't move.

Well, after all that food, she thought and kept her face stoic as Percy glanced around, laid down and seemed to go to sleep.

The doctor stared.

She glanced away from the fuming researcher and back to the human. I think I see steam, Cadence thought but kept her mouth shut.

Only the ticking of the stopwatch could be heard as they watched and waited.

"Get him out of there," the doctor said and shook her head. She was breathing like she'd run from Baltimare to Canterlot without stopping.

"I guess he failed that one," Cadence said and grinned.

The doctor just stared at her.

"Is there another test he could perform?" Cadence asked, her chirpy tone and ebullient manner were clearly grating on the doctor. Cadence was well aware of the attitude to take that irritated the overly serious and self-absorbed, interactions with nobles and experience as a foalsitter had taught her. Now she pulled out her entire list of 'thou shalt not' and began checking them off.

The beleaguered doctor signaled for her team to take Percy to 'the common room' and continue the testing.

Grinning, Cadence followed. She heard the doctor's teeth grinning, but her happy-skippy trot only drove the stake in harder.

The ponies went up the stairs while the human went through a door on the first floor. Arriving in the control center, she saw the entire floor was some sort of one-way mirror as the humans went about their odd behaviors and the ponies above them watched.

Below, the humans sat before machines, sometimes the machines would spit out a number of tokens. Cadence noted that more often than not, the male humans would present a pile of tokens to the females, they'd copulate, and the female would redeem the tokens for food from another set of machines.

She looked at the doctor, who looked distinctly uncomfortable about the practice.

"It was a completely new behavior they developed among themselves," the doctor told her, "We're ah, studying it as it affects their competitions."

Cadence raised an eyebrow, then noted the scuffle that had broken out near one of the machines. "Is that also part of their competitions?"

The doctor sighed. "Yes, the machines have different payouts based on difficulty. More difficult machines have higher pay outs. There are dominance displays for who plays which machine. Even if a more dominant human is less successful, they may be able to monopolize a machine."

"Do they ever steal from each other?" she asked, as she watched Percy watching the goings on.

"No, sometimes two males will put a pile of tokens together, and they'll have a contest, winner take all, but thievery and pilfering are punished by the entire group," the doctor told her.

"Interesting, and you say they are less intelligent than ponies?" she asked, the very essence of innocence.

"Yes, your Highness," the doctor said.

"Why is nopony at that machine?" she asked of the machine Percy was at.

"It's a leftover from an older set of tests. It was high-difficulty, high-reward, but set to the minimum reward, none of the others will play it," the doctor explained, "None of the humans can beat it."

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!

Cadence watched Percy examine the disc token the machine had produced. "No one?" she asked as Percy returned the token to the playoff slot and started again.

"Except by luck."
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!

"Luck?" Cadence asked.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!

"Luck," the doctor insisted.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

"See?" the doctor said.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!

"Yes, I do," Cadence replied. She watched Percy play the machine. The human females first noticed the growing stack of tokens he was accumulating. That almost made her laugh.

Percy seemed almost irritated with his victories. He'd rush through the first half of the test, then became much more deliberate during the second. Once he had a stack of tokens that was too tall to be stable, he turned them like wheels, and sent the entire mass rolling across the floor. The effect was bedlam.

Stealing is forbidden, grabbing up something thrown away isn't, Cadence realized as Percy ignored the others racing around, abandoning machines to grab the loose tokens, and the displays by those who'd usurped the machines to those who wanted their machine back. The display was chaos, except for Percy, working diligently at whatever he was trying to do.

"Is he losing on purpose?" one of the technicians asked the doctor, who trotted over to watch Percy's play.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, bring!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

The doctor looked at the charts and the technician's notes. "This make no sense."

Suddenly the noise from the machine stopped. Some sense to trouble welled up in Cadence and she summoned her magic and dragged the technician and doctor away from the console.

"Your Highness," the doctor protested.

Smoke billowed from the console.

"Clear the area!" Cadence shouted and thundered down the stairs to find Percy. She heard the 'whoomph' as smoke became flames in the observing room. The screaming technicians were on her tail as she reached the doors and unbolted them. Terrified humans rushed through the doors after the frightened technicians. Percy passed her, patted her on the head and raced up the stairs into the observation room at top speed. She shied at the idea of following him, but a moment later he returned, dragging an unconscious researcher. She lifted the concussed mare so Percy wouldn't drag her down the stairs.

"Let's call the fire brigade," she called and waved for Percy to follow her.
------------------------------

Captain Armor had heard of Discord, even knew where his statue was in the Royal Gardens. I do wonder, if Discord ever escaped, would I even notice? he thought, glancing at Percy apparently wearing a Cadence-skin rug. His fiance was trying her best to look menacing, but only managed to look adorable.

The doctor currently screeching at him looked considerably less adorable, less than even Mile Stone, who was not making his commanding officer's life any easier.

"Sounds exactly like my nephew," Mile Stone said, and ignored his Captain's glare.

He knew it sounded pedantic, but he'd read the report. "Technically, it was a deflagration, not a detonation. But I don't see any reason to write a citation against the lab for unsafe practices. After all, you have the test reports from when you had all this equipment tested before it went into use."

Watching the screeching doctor suddenly stifle herself was worth all the abuse to that point. I do wish I'd seen Percy in action. I think he was doing it on purpose, he thought, I almost don't want to know what possessed Cadence to bring him here for testing. Twilie could probably whip up a decent intelligence tester in ten minutes.

"I didn't destroy thousands, millions of bits of equipment. He did," doctor said, her shaking hoof aimed at Percy. If she'd acted that way towards a pony, it would be grounds for an assault charge.

"You had substandard safety features on your equipment? Are you saying that?" Armor asked, and again the doctor wilted, "Thank you for your time, doctor. I'm certain you'll be contacted tomorrow or the next day at the latest. Oh, is it true Percy dragged your injured staff to safety? I'd appreciate an appropriate testimonial for the medal ceremony," Armor said, and left with Percy and Cadence before the doctor transitioned from deflagration to detonation.

"I heard what he did, was it enough to convince you to take him in there?" Armor said.

"A better question is 'where can you get a cello on short notice'?" Mile Stone said as he pulled a newspaper from his saddlebag.

"Sergeant, I can beat myself unconscious with a frying pan at home just as easily," Armor said. Both Cadence and Percy froze at his harsh tone.

"A little bird told me," Mile Stone told them as he unfolded the paper.

"A little bird with big, white wings?" Cadence asked, looking at both guards with a worried expression.

Mile Stone shook his mutilated newspaper, "Red wings, burned through the sports section of the paper. Why not the classifieds? I never read those. And what's this 'Percy cello quick'?"

"I'll buy you a new paper. That's why not the classifieds," Cadence offered.

"I doubt anyplace is open at this time of night," Armor said as he looked over the paper Cadence turned the pages on.

"Here's what," Armor said, he looked at Percy, "I don't know why Philomena has taken especial interest in you, but for what it's worth, someone not four blocks from the palace is selling a genuine Saddlevarius." He reeled back from the intensity of Cadence's puppy-dog eyes. "Percy, you're still on my side aren't you?"

Percy patted him on the head.

"Take it from me, lad," Mile Stone explained, "My wife's three times her age and she can still do that to me."

Armor sighed. "Okay, once more unto the breach."

"I love the beach," Cadence said in her 'empty-headed idiot' tone.
------------------------------

Celestia was sweating. Her disguise magic had been perfect. Cadence, Shining Armor, and Mile Stone were completely and utterly fooled by the combination of her masterful disguise and obfuscating magic.

Poor Percy looked like he was going through the trials of the damned trying to figure out what he was really seeing. He'd stare at her, as if trying to pierce the veil by sheer force of will. Then he'd nervously pace as if the ignorance or uncertainty were a thousand nettles stinging him at once.

At least he hasn't denounced me or done something to dispel the illusion, she thought as she watched the poor, tormented human try to discover what was bothering him about the old fumble-noble selling the cello.

"Hu must vondering vhy dee price she so low," Celestia said, to distract Armor and Cadence from Percy's distress. "Vell, she's acoursed. No pony cund play it, vithout goink mod."

I swear Percy was on the verge of facehoofing, she thought as he calmed himself.

The human sat quietly, but retained the same haunted expression.

"Be a shame to let a fine instrument like that just be a museum piece," Mile Stone said.

Celestia paused, to consider, where in reality she was watching Percy. He knows, or at least suspects, she thought, He knows it's me. But that's impossible. My disguise and magic should be perfect. How is he seeing through it, even in glimpses?

"Vell, when du put it like dat," Celestia said and extends a hoof to shake on the deal.

Celestia watched them leave, especially Percy who kept glancing at her in confusion and distress. She sighed. What am I going to do with him? Is the fact he's here so close to the thousandth year an advantage or a curse? I wish I knew. I wish I knew.
------------------------------

Mile Stone watched the two lovers quarrel and decided to stay out of it. One time 'elder wisdom' would do more harm than good, he realized and helped Percy find a spot for the cello. Even the human is antsy, he wondered, What's gotten into everypony?

"Okay, it's just us," Armor said, his voice like he was dressing down a recruit, "What is going on, Cadence?"

Gently lad, there's the politics in the Guard, and there's the Royals. They aren't the same, Mile Stone thought to his commander.

"I can go," he said to break the deadlock.

"No," Armor said.

"Please stay," Cadence asked, and looked at Armor, then away in shame, "Here or gone, I still couldn't say."

"Cadence," Armor said.

Mile Stone held up a hoof. "Can you at least give a hint?"

Give him something, the old sergeant wanted to say.

The cello music filled the room and silenced all of them. Mile Stone glanced at Cadence's and Armor's horns. Neither are lit so that means, Mile Stone thought and forced himself to turn and look. It's all clear now.

"Now you can't tell anypony," Cadence said.

I don't think I want to tell anypony, Mile Stone thought as he stared as the base impossibility before him, I like being outside of the asylum. There's got to be an answer. One that makes sense, one that doesn't require the entire world to have gone mad.

"Well." Cadence was grinning at Armor now. "I can't talk about the rest, but I think you can guess."

Armor stared at the human. "What the heck are you?"

Idiot! Mile Stone thought and nearly beaned himself for his stupidity.

"Kinestic, Ken-aesthetic, Kinansetic," Mile Stone said and shook his head.

"Kinesthetic memory!" Cadence face hooved. "Celestia's mercy. One of the handlers in the fighting pits probably wanted a quiet place to practice. And we've all seen how calm and quiet he can be. With the rest of the humans making noise to cover the cellist, Percy must have had hours to watch and learn." She sighed and sat down. "And we were getting all worked up over it. At least we can well, mention this to Princess Celestia. She must be worried sick about this. I'm sorry Armor, but you can imagine what the papers would do if they got ahold of this."

"The papers, nothing. The nobles would have a mass panic attack if someone suggested that a human was intelligent," Armor said, "Yes, I understand the secrecy, and the need for it. I can imagine if the Institute got their hooves on him."

"The terrible and cruel tests," Cadence said and shuddered.

"I think he was more worried about what Percy would do to them, lass," Mile Stone said.

"That's what I meant," Cadence said and the three ponies laughed.
------------------------------

Celestia didn't normally use the war room for anything like its intended purpose. It was one of the few rooms in the castle without the 'whisper galleries' where servants could watch and 'support'. Here it was private. What was discussed here, stayed here.

"I take it back," Armor said, as he looked at the photos and the other evidence that Celestia had acquired somehow. "He is intelligent."

"Then why hasn't he shown it? And why doesn't he vocalize? He's quiet, even for a human," Cadence said. Her face fell and showed her horror. "Oh, the fighting pits."

"Yes," Celestia said, "Five years of seeing the very worst ponies can be, is not going to be wiped away by even the Alicorn of Love and her blushing fiance."

Armor did blush at that. "You think he might actually be able to talk? That's why he's so quiet?"

Celestia chuckled. "A human talk, that's funny. I mean he might hide his intelligence. Humans make hoot and hollers. He might be intelligent enough to understand pony speech, but I doubt he can mimic it."

"But he might be able to make something understandable that would worry most ponies," Armor said.

"This is all theoretical," Cadence asked, "What do we do?"

"Exactly what we are doing. Letting him reveal himself as he sees fit. He has not done anything requiring serious punishment. In fact, his acting out seems calculated to amuse," Celestia said, "We let him unpeel the layers of Percy himself."

"You make him sound like an onion," Cadence said, "Why not just confront him with what we know and make sure he knows we love him."

"Can he still turn your power aside?" Celestia asked.

Cadence grimaced. "Yes, and I don't know why."

"Because your power is to remind ponies of why they loved. He hasn't. We're his first love. He can't be reminded, because it's happening right now." Celestia told her, "He has had layer upon layer of protection, avoidance, duplicity and disguise to avoid being hurt and to survive. Peeling those back would hurt him terribly. Better he shed them one at a time or in groups, as he grows more comfortable."

"So we ignore how smart he is?" Armor said.

"No, but don't be quick to notice it. Let your words wave it away, let your actions acknowledge it," Celestia said. She noticed Cadence staring at her with an expression she normally saw on Twilight. "You agree, object, amend?" she asked.

"Just that you seem very curious about how to approach an alien intelligence, and very adamant about allowing it to develop at its own pace, and us to support unconditionally. Why?" Cadence asked, in a tone more like Twilight ferreting out secrets from her teachers or books.

"You are correct, I have my reasons, and telling you would spoil the surprise," Celestia said and grinned.

Armor and Cadence exchanged glances and seemed to communication far beyond mere words.

"As you command," they said together.

I get the feeling I just walloped a hornets' nest with a short stick, she thought, But I'll need to know how this works. Or everything is lost.
------------------------------

Armor and Cadence had been chatting about this and that, carefully but not pointedly ignoring Celestia's distracted demeanor. Cadence had let Armor in on their 'conspiracy', but they had agreed that they needed to convince Percy to do this at his own pace. Just as Celestia had suggested, but not in the direction she had suggested or would even know about.

He seems to like auntie, Cadence thought, And he isn't intimidated by her like so many ponies are. I just hope this works. I've caught all my guards, and a fair number of others looking at him hungrily. Short of covering her with steak sauce, I don't know how we are going to get him more interested.

"Your Highness, what are you going as for Nightmare Night?" Armor asked.

Celestia jerked as if she'd stepped on one of Doctor's electric floors. Percy gave Armor a very disapproving look for a good half-second. Cadence hid her smile and seemed to focus on Celestia.

I should be like a cinema villain, twirling my moustache and proclaiming 'everything is going according to plan', Cadence thought, But they always lose right after, so I'll keep quiet.

"Oh," Celestia said and pawed the ground like a nervous filly, "I think I won't wear a costume. If it's all the same to you."

"Ah, are you going to be working with Twilight on her 'special project'?" Armor asked in the same cheerful tone.

Celestia jerked and looked around. "Uh, oh, uh, no."

And again, Percy looks displeased, Cadence thought as she looked straight ahead, catching Percy's mild irritation in her peripheral vision. Considering how nervous and almost neurotic auntie has been getting about this, she needs someone. And Percy acts like he's going to do it all by himself. This is going to be PERFECT! She stifled a squeal and happy trot as she thought about Percy going to Celestia of his own free will, and after all they'd been teaching him.

She glanced at Armor and the pair shared a knowing grin. They took mercy on Celestia for the rest of the walk to the pit. Predictably, Percy paired Armor with Cadence and got them going on their exercises. He pointed out techniques they needed to practice. Cadence and Armor focused on that, pointedly ignoring Celestia and her shifting from hoof to hoof in her nervousness.

Then Percy looked over at Celestia and Cadence just giggled. Armor glared at her, but Percy looked at them and just waggled his eyebrows. Cadence giggled again at that. They started working, as much a courtship dance as friends practicing hoof-to-hoot combat.

"Yes," Cadence said, then twisted Armor's head to watch as Percy put his arms around Celestia's neck.

"Yes," Armor whispered back, and was nearly echoed by half the guards, the half who weren't shocked by the display.

It was rare that Celestia got to be absolutely adorable. But the expression on her face as she looked over Percy's back and rubbed her forelegs, especially her fetlocks on Percy's belly was enough to melt the hardest heart. She was so happy, and so gentle. Playing the game with him that let her show her affection and that let her cuddle someone without rank getting in the way.

She stopped, and he broke off the hug. She nuzzled him and wickering something soft to him. He stroked her muzzle. He had a more pleasant, bland expression than he usually wore. More thoughtful too.

Cadence grinned at Armor. He raised an eyebrow, saying: 'the plan is working well.'

Percy marched over to the pair and separated them. Then he rubbed his hand, just one, with chalk and marked his chest with it.

Mile Stone turned to Cadence's guards. "Come on lassies, you've had training. Now real." He took off his armor and followed them. Percy put a chalk mark on the old soldier, then Mile Stone fended him off when he tried again. "Okay, a free-for-all. Inchworm, keep a running tally of how many touches land. A touch is scored against the receiver. Now lassies, I know you'll be tempted to test your protectee, but everyone is fair game. And everyone should be tested."

The regular ponies exchanged glances.

But Celestia knows us too well, Cadence thought as Celestia's grim expression was presaged by a grin.

At the signal, everyone, except Armor, charged Celestia. The pair stood back and used their magic to reduce her Highnesses numerous advantages to make it a less unfair 'fight'. Percy remained the most elusive target and effective 'combatant', striking, but breaking off when Celestia concentrated on him rather than the others.

Oh no, Cadence thought as Celestia broke free and charged them.

"Oh boy," Armor said then glanced at Cadence, "Every pony for himself."

"What?" Cadence raged at her fleeing fiance, then came under her aunt's full attention.

Finally Celestia had all of them exhausted, entangled, and in Percy's case, wrapped up like a moth larva in a cocoon.

They're all giggles as they headed back to the apartment.

"You cheated," Celestia accused Mile Stone.

"Coordinating operations is not 'cheating' your Highness. Just experience," the old sergeant said. "Well-played lad," he told Percy.

"Well, I have to check on something. I enjoyed beating you all single-hoofedly," she told them and grinned, she rubbed Percy's head, "I had a good teacher." She walked away smiling.

The others were also grinning. Although Percy's wasn't a true grin, but it was the equivalent of him grinning ear to ear.

As they arrived home, Armor asked, "Did we just do what I think we did?"

Mile Stone snorted. "Of course we did, Captain," he said, "Her Highness mastered the skills and we were completely and utterly defeated in a training exercise against her Highness. Proof she's a fast learner."

Armor chuckled. "Nightmare night," he said.

Cadence nodded and smiled. He'll be ready, maybe even eager, she thought as Armor set up the chess board.