Your Human and You: Are Sure You Aren't Spartacus?
Side story of I Am Not Spartacus
Based in the 'Your Human and You' universe by MadMaxtheBlack
This story is NOT canon with Your Human and You

by Dan_s Comments

Cadence winced at each bump of the gurney. She and Armor alternated breathing for the human who'd been willing to face an alicorn and leap from a height to protect them.

On one hoof, he seems so childlike, and on the other, he's a fearless, killing machine, Cadence thought, I can't imagine he'd be dangerous to us.

"Please don't die," she told him, trying to hold back tears.

I wanted to prove you were more than what everyone said you were, she thought as she breathed for him, Please don't die because of that.

They enter the treatment room and she and Armor lifted him onto the examination table and covered him with a sheet. The wound under bandages was still weeping blood, and he looked at them with confusion and fear. She breathed for him again and looked at Armor.

"Cadence, I . . . " he said and glanced towards the door.

Cadence felt anger, something she experienced only rarely. They hurt that family, they tried to kill Armor, and they may have killed Percy. Her expression turned ugly as she looked at him.

"Go, wring that pegasus for all she knows. If she doesn't talk," she said and glanced down at the frightened human who'd already done so much for them, "Tell her we'll lock her in a room with Percy until she does. After we make him understand, she hurts foals for fun."

Armor smiled at that. "I may just do that." At the door he paused and told her, "He'll have to escape and come looking for her."

Once he was gone, she let her tears flow. "Please, please, don't die. Please don't die."

The vet set up an IV, and brought in a machine to help Percy breathe. For an instant she feared he's hurt himself, not understanding. He either understands, or accepts what's happening, she thought as Percy didn't struggle as the vet fitted the breathing machine and her nurse set the IV. She felt herself relax a little.

"Is he going to be all right?" she asked, then nearly facehooved at the stupidity of her question.

"Within reason," the vet explained. She smiled at her. "A nice one gets under your skin, until they're like family. How long have you had him?"

"A couple weeks," she said and chuckled, "I guess I'm being overly sentimental." She looked over Percy, he seemed to be sleeping now, he looked so peaceful.

The vet raised an eyebrow. "Special one then. We had one, day after we got him, he pulled my youngest out of a well, just climbed in and got her. No muss no fuss, just did it. We all cried when he passed on." The vet rubbed her eyes. "We're lucky they aren't smarter, or they'd be running things, and we'd be the pets."

Cadence snorted at the impossibility of that.
------------------------------

The interrogator looked at the suffering pegasus, and grinned. "Wonderbolt wannabe, and one little human messed you up," tho officer said, "I hope your bosses are paying you a lot of money for your botched attempt."

The pegasus mare grimaced but kept silent. Then she stiffened and cried out as the bones ground on each other.

"You should keep still," the interrogator said, "The docs aren't going to like having to break and refuse that bone. Oh, and the itching is going to be incredible. Imagine, itching deep inside you. Too bad that human popped a few things inside you too bad to fix."

The mare stared at him in horror.

"Oh, you wanted foals. I suppose you could adopt, as long as the agency doesn't know you tried to kill the Captain of the Guard and one of the Royal Family," he told her. "You just think about that, think a good, long time. And remember, you don't have to tell us anything. It'll just be a lot easier on you if you do."

The interrogator left the room and the mare broke into sobs.

"How is she?" Armor asked.

"Oh, she'll be fine," the interrogator said, "Your human did a number on her, but she'll recover."

"So all that?" Armor said.

"Oh it hurts like the dickens, but no permanent damage, but most mares don't know that a buck there hurts them as much as a stallion," the interrogator said as he took a drink of water, "So it's easy to let her think he sterilized her. On some mares it's devastating, it's a fairly standard tactic. How are you, Captain? And what are you doing here?"

"Had to get a look at her, where she couldn't see me. That and my lady, Cadence, commented that you might want to tell her that our human, Percy, survived. He used to be known as the Crimson Death, and he took her attack on his new family rather personally. If he should hear that she likes to hurt foals, he might just pay her a visit and explain things in the universal language."

"I might just do that, if I need to. But that's making a threat. It might hurt her prosecution," the interrogator said.

"I know, but I thought you might want to have that if you need it," Armor said. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "What I really want to know is where those foals are. I wish I thought she knew. If she did, I would lock her in a room with Percy, until she talked. Rescuing those kids would be worth letting her walk."

"I kinda doubt that your Percy would leave much to try," the interrogator paused and asked, "He did know there was nothing outside that window but a whole lot of down, didn't he?"

"You'll have to ask Cadence, maybe he knew we'd save him. Telekinesis is not exactly rare among unicorns," Armor replied.

"No offense, Captain, but I wouldn't jump out a window on the chance someone would save me," the interrogator said, "Unless I had a lot of faith in them, or if I were completely crazy."

Armor considered, and nodded.
------------------------------

Armor dragged himself home after another day of paperwork, searching through abandoned lairs, and listening to the endless excuses of nobles whose family members had gotten caught up in the dragnet.

He was not expecting to be tackled on entering his home.

"They found them, they found them!" Cadence shouted as she danced around him, practically swinging him in a circle. "They were in an orphanage, and they're being reunited with their families!"

"Down, please, or sick up," Armor managed, and was granted contact with the ground again. He stumbled around in circles and tried to get his breath back. Collapsing on the floor seemed a really good idea, so it did so.

"How did they find them?" he managed from his prone position.

"I called some friends from school and we just scoured every orphanage within a dozen miles. It's taken several days, but we found them in Canterlot," Cadence told him and danced happily.

Score one for the 'old chums' network, Armor thought, Now if I could keep them from closing ranks to protect the real villains in this.

"That's great," he said and began to stand up, once he was sure the room wouldn't start spinning again.

"You don't sound happy," Cadence said as she stared at him, her head cocked to one side.

"The same camaraderie which let your team scour every orphanage in a dozen miles is the same camaraderie that is protecting the chiefs of this ring, and preventing the Guard from getting any leads. I applaud it when it works for us, but when it protects the people who set an assassin on our window sill, I can't be too pleased about it."

Cadence gulped and nodded. "Okay, I'll see what the 'old mares' network' can do about that," she said and sighed, "I guess I was concentrating on rescuing the kids, to ignore the fact that those same people invaded our home."

"Speaking of unsuccessful invasions," Armor said, "Have you gone to see Percy? They took him off the ventilator a few days ago. The vet said he'd be drifting in and out of consciousness for a few days, and hearing a familiar voice might help his recovery."

"Yes." Cadence frowned. "Your troopers wouldn't let me in, and I suspect they're using his room as a break room."

Armor smirked. "I'll send the word through my network that you are allowed in," Armor said, "It's a shame he can't talk . . . say, is there a spell that would let him talk? Or turn him into a pony long enough to interrogate him?"

"Ask your sister," Cadence said, "But shapechanging is tricky, and anything he told you probably wouldn't be good evidence. Auntie Celestia did a shapechange on me, changed me into an 'ordinary earth pony'. Basically your little sojourn on the floor was the whole effect. I was ill, disoriented, and loopy while the spell lasted. I decided magic wasn't the way to deal with the horn and wings."

"I'm glad you didn't decide to become an earth pony, and so is Twilie," Armor told her and nuzzled her. "But I can't help wishing, can I?"

"Nope," Cadence told him.
------------------------------

Cadence was as good as her word, but unfortunately, the delay cost us the usefulness of that Intel, Armor thought as the two nervous 'doctors' entered Percy's room. Do those two really think they're fooling anypony? He looked over his storming crew and considered their disguises. Nopony had made a dash at Cadence or himself, but he'd gotten leads that they might take a swipe at Percy as a 'warning'. Evidently even they aren't arrogant enough to take a try at Celestia's niece, he thought, and started at the cry of alarm from the room.

"Maybe just leave them to the Tiger?" Mile Stone said as he moved by with a broom.

No, we need something to interrogate, he thought as he watched and waited. The call button sounded, and they charged in.

Inside, the bumblers dropped the syringe containing Percy's 'accident', then they drew their knives.

I don't think I like Percy's expression, Armor thought, At least not if it was aimed at me. Then he got a fiendish idea.

"Doc," Armor said as the bumblers brandished their knives, "Pull the IV, then back out of here slowly." The sudden uncertainty on the bumblers was comical to watch.

Mile Stone added his two-bits, "Sir. Even if they are scum, you can't do that to them." He stepped in front of Armor and 'tried to stare him down.'

Behind him, bumbler number one was staring at the figure in bed. He's sweating. The other was sneering and brandishes his knife.

The orderly has had enough of the two as well. "We are attempting to control his diet to speed his recovery," he said, and hurumphed like a good doctor, "Besides, who is going to cover the damage to the room."

Armor rolled his eyes, then threw in, "Cadence can."

Uh oh, may have over played things, Armor thought as Percy turned his attention to the bumblers, and skinned back his lips to show all his very alien teeth. A timberwolf doesn't have teeth like that.

"You can't leave us alone in here with that," the syringe dropper squealed in terror as Percy slowly swung his legs out of the bed, and set his feet on the floor.

I swear he knows what's going on and is playing to it, Armor thought, Of course, dummy, he's used to playing to the crowds. It wouldn't take a genius to realize we and they are mutually hostile.

"You're an officer of the law! We've got rights!" The bumbler called and backed towards the wall.

They shouldn't make it so easy, Armor thought and smiled.

"Drop your weapons," Armor said and shrugged, "Maybe he'll leave you alive." He shrugged, then glanced behind him as Percy leaned down and picked up the largest shard of glass left from the syringe.

"Oops, maybe too late," he told them and smiled to the bumblers. They shivered at the sight as Armor added, "Or, I can make him understand you hurt foals for fun."

The two thugs were looking from the guards to the human, and then to their knives. They were clearly not happy with how fast this all went south on them.

Armor smiled as their confidence drained away. "He's funny about foals, jumped into a fountain to rescue one he didn't even know. No telling what he'd do to someone who hurts them for fun." He turned back to the crouched figure. "Percy, let me tell you about these gentlemen."

They showed their true colors as their knives clattered to the ground. They were still trying to squeeze into the corner and put the other one in front of them. "We'll talk," one bumbler said.

"With you, just away from that thing!" the other bumbler added.

"That monster isn't even human!" the first bumbler squeaked, and nearly fainted when Percy bared his teeth at them.

"And what are you?" Armor asked the pony, "Who'd only face him asleep and helpless? Take them away." He glared at them in disgust as he collected their knives and the fragments of the syringe they'd dropped.

When Percy approached the pair with his placid expression clearly presaging murder, Armor stepped in his way. He told Percy, "Cadence is all right." When the human's did not break eye contact with the two bumblers, Armor projected an image of Cadence playing with several Twilights, until Percy relaxed and concentrated on the figures.

Percy let Mile Stone and the orderly put him back to bed.

The orderly looked at Armor worriedly. "You would really have done that?"

Armor grinned. "Doc, you've heard how to prevent an assassination of me and Cadence, he tackled a pegasus over the Audubon Courtyard outside the South Tower?"

The orderly nodded.

"He hung onto her and kneed her in the groin so she couldn't fly," Armor smirked at the orderly's wince. "If Her Highness hadn't grabbed them, they'd been splats on the concrete. I didn't need to do anything but suggest it."

"Who the heck trains a human to do that?" the orderly asked.

"There are ponies who train humans for the Guard," Armor said, "You want somepony dead, you send them. Even if that 'pony' is a charging minotaur. Nothing short of a dragon will stop them, and if they're well treated, there's nothing on Equestria more loyal. I just never heard of them training a pit fighter."

I'm not sure if I like or am afraid of the implications., Armor thought.
------------------------------

The two officers slipped into the human's room. They smirked at the little table, chairs and fruit basket set up across from the bed. Princess Cadence hadn't approved of using the room as a break room, but couldn't stop it so she made it embarrassing. The really frustrating part was that the care the human was getting from the vets was better than some ponies got from the regular doctors and nurses at 'real' hospitals.

"I break my leg, I'm telling them I'm a human temporarily transformed into a pony," the guard said, "This is better then when my kid had her colic dealt with."

"Flush and out?" the other guard chuckled, "Yeah, but don't forget the price. He dies, they cut him into little pieces to figure out how he works. You want your kids to have good doctors, donate your body to medical research."

Both ponies shuddered at the thought.

"It still wish they had brought those two 'assassins' in here, and let Percy stare at them. Maybe we would've gotten more timely info out of them," the first guard said.

"Or that hot little number who got her cooch booted all the way down," the second guard chuckled, "From what I've heard, she's permanently messed up in the head, but good. Nightmares about Percy here sneaking into her bedroom and ripping her open crotch to navel, and her loving every second until she bleeds out." They both grimly chuckled. "Noponies touching that ever again."

The first guard nodded. "I still think we ought to drag her in here and chain her to the wall, give the Crimson Death here a hair brush and let them go to town. She'd be screaming a blue streak and he'd just be brushing her hair. Humans are like that. Weird."

"You get in trouble thinking like that," the second guard said.

"Yeah, I'll get in even more trouble having a crush on my Captain. And his fiance, Cadence, she's got to know half the guard wants him. That might be the reason he can command them to do anything. But she teases them about it, and takes it in stride. Gotta love that girl. Look but don't touch."

"That applies to her as well," the second guard warned, "If you made her cry, you'd be facing him, and Armor."

"Yeah, if only we could get to some source before they all get some hint that talking to us is the more dangerous act," the first guard said.

"Oh, sure, why don't we get a translator spell and ask the humans," the second guard said, "That would work, except for the fact they don't know anything. Look at him. I heard he even attacked Celestia, to protect Cadence." They chuckled again, finished their break, and headed out.

"His eyes are open," the guard said, "You suppose he was listening?"

"Sure, and formulating a master plan to help us catch the people who had him in the pit all those years," the second guard said.
------------------------------

"I just wish if they insist on using his room as their conference room, they should keep their voices down. He is supposed to be resting after all," Cadence said to Armor as they walked down the hallway of the veterinary hospital.

"Some doctors think that hearing a friendly voice is good for humans. And you have to admit, most of the guards like him," Armor replied.

"Some of the mares like him too much, I caught one of the nurses holding up his sheet and staring at him," Cadence said, "And not at his feet or face."

"Well, that is your fault," Armor said.

"My fault?"

"Yes," Armor went on, "You said that you and I were very happy with Percy. The implication is -"

"But we never," Cadence replied.

"They don't know that," Armor said.

Cadence facehoofed. "They really think that I got Percy because . . . "

"I wasn't big enough, yes," Armor said, "Or, well, other things. It is amazing what you pick up when people don't think you're listening."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Cadence said.

"Wrong hospital," Armor said as they entered. The banter vanished as they saw the disheveled bed and the utter lack of Percy. "Guard, has anyone come in here since you last checked the room."

"No, sir," the guard said, and looked around the room.

Armor was checking the windows. Percy occasionally opened them.

"Quiet, everyone," Cadence ordered, and stood, eyes closed, her ears swiveling this way and that. Until they focused on the closet. She carefully opened the closet, while Armor prepared to charge whatever came out.

Inside, a blanket draped over him, curled up in a ball was, "Percy?" Cadence stepped carefully inside and nosed the huddled figure. "Are you all right?"

She squeaked as Percy nearly exploded out of the closet. He nearly bowled her over, nearly knocked over Shining, and grabbed a mess of papers from under the pillows. He put them in front of Armor, ran back in the closet and slammed the door.

Cadence and Armor exchanged confused glances. Armor lifted the papers off the floor and set them on the bed to examine them. Cadence listened to the mewling sounds coming from the closet. Outside, the guard has summoned the sergeant of the guard.

Armor gasped as he read over the papers. "Go on, he needs you, this, this is incredible," Armor said in awe of the data before him.

Cadence carefully opened the door and looked at poor Percy huddled under his blanket, rocking back and forth and making little whining noises. She carefully hugged Percy. "It's all right. You're safe. Armor is here and I'm here, you're safe. It's all right."

After several minutes, Armor approached with the paper in his horn magic. "Who gave this to you?" he asked, and waved the papers when Percy looked at them, "Who?"

Percy looked at the papers and tried to cower behind Cadence. She hugged him. "Shining, whatever it was, terrified him. So gently. Gently," she said as she combed a hoof through his hair.

Armor put the papers aside and sat down to hug both of them. "Yeah, I seem to remember having the situation reversed a few weeks ago. When I thought they actually had tossed those kids over the side." He nuzzled Percy. "I also remember who collected me and made sure I didn't wander off and hurt myself."

Cadence smiled at him.

After a bit, Percy slipped out of their grip and stood on the bed. He still had the blanket over his head, but the extended arm made him look a little like the Headless Horse beckoning. He jumped to the floor at the end of the bed and mimed out unicorn writing: their horn magic moving the pencil to write on the paper. He nearly shoved one piece of paper in Armor's face, before he dove back into the closet and shut it behind him.

Cadence looked at the image. "Is that supposed to be you?" she commented on the drawing, "I can't tell if it's a very good caricature, or a really awful surrealist." She giggled, then signed. "I'd better calm Percy down before he claws through the closet floor and escapes."

He was on the floor when she looked inside. Cadence laid down in the closet and draped a wing over him. "I think somepony went overboard with making the experience 'memorable', so he'd remember to show us that. They didn't have to make it so traumatic."

"You missed that somepony also has a sense of humor," Armor said, "It's signed 'the Grey Ghost'. Now if that height was accurate, or even a small exaggeration, there's only one pony that tall. His foreleg wasn't a foreleg, it was a horn."

Cadence stared at him, while trying to understand the implications. She beckoned Armor closer, then whispered, "What would she be doing passing information this way? She has - other avenues."

Armor reached over and idly stroked Percy's hair as he considered the answer. He scanned the pages impassively. "The list of officials helping the rings, if this is accurate, guarantees anything she says will be leaked."

Cadence gave Armor a searching glance.

He relented. "Or someone decided to masquerade as her. Remember, our friend here got his ass kicked by her. He probably thinks he's only alive because you put a stop to the fight. And a human is the source of this, that cuts the trail to whoever did this right there. The only reason I know this is all legitimate is because I've been on the investigation."

Cadence nuzzled the shivering human. "I can't understand this. I hate it. Workers and even fanciers I can understand. What is the attraction of these games?" She nosed the human. "Look at him, if he could talk I'd be out of business as a foal sitter. It makes no sense."

Armor hung his head. "Sometimes I hate you exposing yourself to this stuff. My work. Of course if you paid attention to the Hearths Warming Eve's pageants, you'd know ponies aren't the nicest creatures." Armor sighed as he laid down, resting his head on Cadence's forelegs. "The three tribes drew the Windingos." He glanced up at Cadence. "Funny, but doing that: what we did to each other, doing it to the humans, and no Windingos. Some ponies are no different from the ones in the pageant, they'd gnaw on whomever they can. Since they can't gnaw on ponies, they find something else, someone else. If there were no humans, they'd still be bullies and snobs, insulting everyone and everything 'beneath' them. Some ponies just need an excuse to be bad, because that's all they are. Most of the rest of us are horrified. But if we killed them all, it wouldn't make this a paradise, it would just make us like them."

Armor scrubbed his eyes. "Sorry to sound so depressing," he said, "This whole thing really needs a special group detailed to it. Not an ad hoc section of guards."

"Maybe we can make a difference," Cadence told him. She started as both Percy and Armor hugged her. She laughed and nuzzled both of them. "Okay, okay I'm through being gloomy." She hugged them both until Mile Stone walked in. She grinned at him as she held 'her boys' close. He smirked back at her.

He's not so old he doesn't enjoy cuddling with his wife, Cadence thought, 'Old mares' network'.

The sergeant waited a decent interval before clearing his throat. Armor scrambled to his hooves, more embarrassed than anything else. He looked at Cadence, who returned the open-eyed gaze of the ingenue. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the papers.

Cadence stifled a giggle.

While Armor did blush a bit, he still managed to show the extensive notes to Mile Stone.

Mile Stone silently went through the papers, then checked them again to be certain. "How did you get all this?"

"Oh, Percy wrote it all down and gave it to us," Armor told him, and frowned.

Mile Stone looked back in mute frustration. Armor matched his look. Then Percy and Cadence began laughing at both of them. Soon the two soldiers relaxed and began laughing about it themselves.

"Lad, I don't care, but if it pans out," Mile Stone said, "Somepony gave us their heads on a platter."
------------------------------

Celestia watched Philomena land on her perch and accept the nuzzle from her 'owner'. Although if I ever used that word, in anything but jest, I suspect she would have a fittingly destructive response, she thought, Partner in crime might fit better.

"So, were you immortalized again, my favorite red bean?" Celestia asked and chuckled at Philomena's outraged squawk.

"So, he's drawing pictures, badly, but he's still trying. Luna is going to accuse me of doing exactly what she wanted to do. Eugenics for intelligence, instead of docility. Turning them back into what they were a thousand years ago," Celestia mused aloud, "But is he an atavist? Or some random mutation?"

She glanced at Philomena, who was also deep in thought. As one of the few beings still alive who remembered the humans of a thousand years ago, she was also aware of who the ponies had been a thousand years ago, and who the humans had been.

"Please continue keeping an eye on him. If someone besides me starts putting together the clues, we may have an 'unfortunate accident' on our hands. Before we can determine if we can breed brains back into the human species."

Philomena made a questioning noise that Celestia interpreted as 'is that a good idea?'

She smiled. "He seems to have developed enough intelligence and self-control to be both exactly the type of human my ponies desire, and be the type of human Luna and I always wanted." She noted the bird's expression hadn't changed. "No, I'm not sure, but I think we need to let this play out. A chance like this may not come again in a thousand years. We have to seize it while he's still young and fertile. After we determine it's safe."

Satisfied, Philomena flew off to keep the newest member of the extended family under observation.

I just have to figure out how far he is in control of his instincts, Celestia thought, Wait, he nearly beat me in a fight. I'm sure the guard would want their princess to at least feel she was more capable of defending herself. She smiled as she began directing work of gardeners, guard commanders and tailors.
------------------------------

Cadence grinned at the costume she wore as Parasol collected her mane into a pony tail.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Parasol asked, "It, him I mean." She looked around nervously before whispering, "He attacked Celestia."

"I think I can keep her safe," Cadence whispered back. She giggled at Parasol's eye-roll.

A few moments later she was walking beside Percy in his new kilt and shirt. "I'm glad you could dress yourself, I think Parasol is scared of you. It's this all so exciting. I don't think Auntie has done anything like this in years. Shining wasn't happy about it, but we explained it all to him. He agreed after insisting that Mile Stone and the guards attend. But most of the guards will be keeping ponies from watching, so Auntie can really let go. But, I don't think anyone will try to interfere. After all, we're all going to be such good friends. I know you don't understand, but I do appreciate you defending us." Cadence laughed. "Even if it was against auntie Celestia. She had a weird expression when I saw you two fighting, come to think of it. I wonder what she was thinking. It is mean, I saw the bruises and I saw her grinning, so that doesn't really add up. I apologize for talking so much but I'm excited. Aren't you excited? Of course you aren't, jumping out a window doesn't get you excited. Maybe that's the real problem with pit fighters. Nothing gets them excited and they want that excitement. Say, I bet I know one thing that would get you excited. It just have to figure out how to get you two together. But let's concentrate on the surprise Auntie has set up. I think you'll enjoy it and I know we'll all have a lot of fun using it. Oh, we're here."

Cadence would have sworn Percy sighed in relief. She'd heard that tone of sigh from Armor often enough. She was going to call out to Celestia, when Percy suddenly darted behind her. "Percy, what are you doing?" she asked as she turned, and Percy crouched down behind her, keeping as much of Cadence between himself and Celestia as he could. She turned and he ducked and twisted to stay out of Celestia's sight.

"Percy!" she said, as she tried to turn to face him, "What are you playing at?"

She sighed. Of course he's afraid of her, she admitted to herself.

"Percy," she said, positioned herself so she could look at him and block his view of Celestia. She stroked him with her wing and told him, "It's all right, you're safe. Nothing's going to happen."

It took her a few minutes to calm him down enough to let her lead him to the pit without him trying to strangle himself on his leash trying to get away. Fortunately, Celestia had stopped being amused by his behavior and her expression had grown into one of worry. Also fortunate, she hadn't approached, and Cadence was able to lead the very downcast and skittish Percy to the pit.

"Is he all right lass?" Mile Stone asked as he looked over Percy.

"He's never acted like this before," Cadence said, "I don't know what's gotten into him."

He yanked the leash out of her hand and marched straight towards Celestia. Cadence gasped as a dozen crossbows took aim.

"Please," Cadence said as her guards closed in around her.

Celestia pawed the ground but glanced at the guards. They relaxed ever so slightly. She looked at Cadence who had her hooves over her mouth to stifle a scream. Cadence nodded, and Celestia took on a more relaxed pose.

Percy knelt just within Celestia's reach, and threw his head back to expose his throat to her. Then he waited, not moving. Celestia looked at her, and Cadence shrugged. She looked at the equally stunned guards.

"I don't know what he's doing," Cadence said.

"How do I tell him it's over?" Celestia asked Cadence, then glanced around at the others to solicit their input.

The few suggestions from most of the guards were of little or no help. Celestia pranced nervously at the display.

"Percy get up," Cadence told him, "Come here."

"You aren't in trouble," Celestia said.

"Highnesses, just hit him," Mile Stone said. Both Princesses glared at him. "It's the quickest way. He's expecting you to strike a blow for his attacking you. I suggest you do so." He shrugged and looked at them.

"But he's done nothing wrong," Celestia said, "He attacked an intruder."

"He attacked a family friend," Mile Stone said, "And he expects to be disciplined for it."

"It's wrong," Celestia said.

"It's what he knows," Mile Stone explained as if to a new officer, "It's what other ponies have trained him to expect."

Cadence felt ill at that statement. Celestia looked just as disturbed.

"That's horrible/barbaric," they said.

Mile Stone only shrugged. "It is what is. Speaks more of us, than him."

Celestia approached, then shied away. She approached again, grimaced and shied back. She paused, steeled herself and approached carefully. She tapped him on the throat with her horn. The disgust she felt was clear on her face.

Percy stood up and rubbed his throat, he looked at her with confusion. It was all Cadence could do not to run over to him and hug him. "It's okay," she told him so softly she doubted he heard her. She nodded towards Celestia and made a shooed gesture with a hoof. She smiled nervously as he turned to face Celestia who looked ashamed at her actions and for frightening this human.

Shame became fear and discomfort as Percy grabbed Celestia's throat.

"Stand fast," Mile Stone ordered the soldiers.

Cadence looked at him in shock. He'd seen something they hadn't, so he gestured towards Percy running his hands down Celestia's throat, and her Highness squirming at the touch.

He's tickling her, Cadence realized and nearly laughed, He definitely isn't trying to hurt her, but he is tickling her.

"Sergeant, stand down yourself," Lieutenant Magpie shouted, "You come away from there."

Percy smacked Celestia's chest. Her amusement faded as she shied back. Then Percy gestured at Celestia's side. Or is it her wing? Cadence wondered trying to puzzle out what the old soldier had seen that still evaded the rest of their eyes.

"Laying hands on the sovereign is a flogging offence," Magpie said.

Yes, 300 years ago, Cadence thought as she watched Percy look around, then fix on Magpie.

"Control your human," Magpie shouted and shied back as Percy advanced straight towards her.

Then Percy stopped and adopted an expression and gestures of exactly what Cadence had used earlier to entice Percy into the pit.

Celestia snorted her amusement as Percy tried to coax the officer forward.

"Mad human!" Magpie squealed and put a number of soldiers between her and the human.

Mile Stone looked at the officer, then at Percy. "I think he has a plan," the old sergeant said, "Lad, I'm coming in." He glanced over at Magpie, and then walked over to Percy.

The human managed to spit the few feet to reach Magpie's hooves.

Quite a shot, considering all the other legs in the way, Cadence thought as the horrified officer scrapped her hooves on the ground to wipe off the spittle. I'm glad we didn't do the poo flinging, he'd probably hit with every shot. And I could never keep a straight face again.

As Percy approached the officer, his expression changed to one of irritation. "I don't think this is such a good idea," Cadence said, "Watch yourself, sergeant."

"It's all right," Celestia told her, "If he hadn't been trying to carve and keep open your escape route. I would have been in trouble," Celestia snickered. "Besides, weren't you worried he wasn't getting enough exercise?"

The sergeant seemed to be studying Percy as the human looking him over, as a pony might look over a human for purchase. "Let's see what this is about," Mile Stone said, and grinned at the intentness of the human.

Percy caught Celestia's, Mile Stone's and her eye. When each nodded, he very carefully touched the orbital bone around the eye with one hand, and with the other hand he made a clawing motion well away from the sergeant's actual eye. Then Percy ran his hands down the sergeant's throat.

The sergeant chuckled, actually chuckled. "Go on lad," he said, encouraging Percy. The human slapped the sergeant's chest. The sergeant chuckled again.

Percy then looked at all of them, their incomprehension and threw up his hands in frustration. He punched the sergeant in the armored side. Cadence gasped, but the sergeant actually started laughing. As Cadence galloped over to check on Percy's hand, the sergeant collapsed with laughter.

He manages to control himself well enough to stand although the occasional smile bubbled up. "Sincerest apologies, Highnesses" Mile Stone said, still at war with his smile, "Won't happen again. Bit of a revelation. Ticklish as it were."

Celestia looked as confused as Cadence felt. "Sergeant, please do share."

Mile Stone turned Percy to face Cadence and Celestia and then pointed. "Weak points, eyes, throat, and major organs." He took a moment to stifle an incipient giggle and then continued, "On a human, they're all much smaller targets than on a pony."

Cadence looked askance at him. "The body certainly isn't."

"Thinner thickness, and if I remember my anatomy right, a spear will get only one or at most two organs." Mile Stone cleared his throat to hide another giggle.

Cadence was nearly laughing herself at the old sergeant acting like a foal with a new favorite toy.

Even Celestia was grinning at the sergeant's effervescent enthusiasm with this new idea only he and Percy seemed to understand. "Not a conversation for foalish laughter, or is it?"

"It is." Mile Stone tousled Percy's hair and the human seemed on the verge of grinning himself, if it were possible. "Highnesses, the lad's fought over a dozen ponies, and killed at least two."

"He never killed in the ring," Cadence gasped.

"Trainers too free with the whip," Mile Stone explained, "One he killed with a single blow. None of the ponies who faced him in 'official' matches got more than a few broken bones. Don't underestimate him. You've picked up quite a guard, as we all know."

"Reassuring," Cadence said.

Mile Stone grinned again. "He could almost be a pony in how smart about fighting he is. Wouldn't trust him to buy me a tea and get correct change, but in a fight, I wouldn't face him with full battle armor and a spear," he said, his enthusiasm not rubbing off on the two princesses. "Sorry, still a bit giddy. Yes, Highness, 'share'. Here's two mares he cares about, he's trying to teach exactly how to avoid all the weaknesses of ponies. The eyes, the throat, and a spear in the chest penetrates all the way through the barrel." He started laughing again. "For a thousand years we've been doing it bloody wrong, and some human points it out in two minutes!"

Mile Stone began laughing fit to die. Cadence grinned at the grim, old snarker laughing like a happy colt. After a bit, even Celestia smiled. Then she yelped and jumped away after Percy poked her in the side.

Cadence nearly burst out laughing at Celestia's scandalized expression at Percy. But he was having none of it. He got down on all fours and mimed a sideways kick.

"Bad Percy, don't do that." Celestia danced away from that probing figure. "I ORDER YOU."

"Now Percy, Auntie Celestia is old and creaky." She nudged Percy off away from Celestia. She let an occasional giggle bubble up. "Maybe she can't do that move. Let's practice together and Auntie can get some of that smelly, old-ponies', heating rub."

She grinned as Celestia considered disowning, exile and execution. They continued to practice for a while.

Cadence hid her giggles at the longing looks that Celestia was giving them having fun. Time to hatch a little plan. It's obvious what auntie wants, but part of life is letting them work for it, Cadence thought.

"Maybe we should do this again tomorrow," Celestia suggested.

"Maybe some private sessions with some-one not afraid of you," she whispered in Celestia's ear, making the Ruler of the Sun turn a delicate shade of pink as she stared at Percy.

"Just a thought," Cadence said as she led Percy away, and noted Celestia staring at Percy like a starving mare at a plate of her favorite food.
------------------------------

Cadence was still formulating her plans as she arrived back at her apartment. I swear Percy is looking worried at me, she thought, Maybe he's just reacting to my chuckles. After all, it's not often you have the absolute perfect prank to play on 'the master prankster of Canterlot'. He's not afraid of her, and he's very definitely male. And he's only been interested in females he's faced in combat. And that fight between them certainly counts. And since stealing another pony's human and rutting with it is such a status game here, I have to have Percy all ready when she moves. She stifled a laugh that she knew would send Percy running all the way to Dodge Junction if he heard it.

Two of her new guards were already in the apartment, and they chatted about this and that, eventually winding up on a 'present' for an older mare. "He likes making ponies happy. This will let him make mares really happy."

Parasol overheard, as intended and finally begins sticking up for herself. "You are all wrong," the little hoofmaiden shouted and stamped her hooves, "Percy would barely know what he was doing, and he could get in a lot of trouble if his attention was unwanted. They castrate 'uppity' males. If you want to teach him something, why don't you teach him how to give a good massage." Parasol actually challenged Cadence, "That way you and Shining aren't going to wonder about what he's doing."

Cadence tried her hardest to look thoughtful rather than grinning ear to ear at the challenge from the little mare others were already calling 'Dust Mouse'.

"Very well, Parasol," Cadence told her, bowing her head and looking chagrined, "Aren't you an expert? It is one of the reasons I hired you."

Parasol suddenly found out that challenging, and backing it up are two separate things. Percy laid a hand on the little hoofmaiden's head as if to support her and Parasol steeled herself for the challenge.

Celestia entered before it could go further.

And everyone is hoping I'll drop it and they can go on, Cadence thought, Not happening. I've learned that much from Armor. Wait, then hit them again.

"Oh, hello my little ponies," Celestia said as she entered, "Cadence, I need a favor from you."

"Oh course," Cadence asked and let out the grin that would have injured her to hold in any longer, "An auntie, or a highness favor?"

Oh this would be perfect, look at them looking at each other, Cadence thought, and struggled not to show she was noticing all the little glances and wing rustles. He's not a pretty-boy service class, or one of those grotesques some use as guards, he's a predator, but gentled and in control, like Armor. And ponies wonder why Armor caught my attention rather than Blueblood or others. And Percy is even more, enough to make even Her Highness notice. Oh this is going to be PERFECT!

Celestia centered herself and replied, "A little of both. I have a meeting, and their foal sitter canceled." Celestia paused and stared at Percy. "And bring Percy. Another set of eyes and a good climber might come in handy."

Cadence kept grinning, and felt plans falling into place. This is going to be PERFECT! she thought and wanted to dance around, but kept herself in check.

"I have wings," Cadence replied, "I'll also bring some rope."

She smiled inwardly as Celestia looked at the ingenue she'd helped raise and took on a calculating look.

She knows something's coming, but not what and not from where, Cadence thought, Perfect.
------------------------------

Cadence kept her cool and her happy, eager foalsitter expression as they headed to the Harmony home. After Twilight, Octavia had been her most difficult challenge. That her parents still considered she needed a 'foalsitter' as old as she was a testament to the girl's passionate and unstable nature.

And speaking of 'passionate natures', Cadence thought as she noted how close to Percy Celestia kept sidling, only to catch herself and move off. I don't need my power or a 'Want it Need it' spell to see where this is going. A dark thought occluded Cadence's sunny nature. When was the last time somepony touched her? Twilight got too 'grown up' for cuddles, Cadence thought, It can't have been . . . years, can it?

Mare Harmony opened the door and stared at all of them. She even just accepts Percy.

Octavia must be in a rare mood for her to just accept a human in her home this way, Cadence thought as she was vaguely directed upstairs.

"That girl," Mare said, before leading Celestia to tea.

Rare mood, Cadence thought and headed up the stairs, with Percy right behind. His presence gave her a calm confidence. Like he's going to drag me out of there if things get too bad.

"Can you sing and dance? We wouldn't have to do it this way," she admitted to Percy as they entered Octavia's room. Cadence proceeded towards Octavia's usual sulking spot.

The young mare was curled up on top of a bookcase.

"What is it about the tops of bookcases that all my problems wind up here?" Cadence asked, "Twilight, Octavia, and my new human Percy. Tops of bookcases. Makes me glad I can fly."

Octavia looked up, and stared down at Percy. Cadence smiled, then when Octavia's expression changed she looked and panicked as he approached Octavia's cello. "Percy, don't touch that."

"Let him smash it!" Octavia shouted, "Break it into pieces! I never want to see it again." She buried her face in her hooves and began weeping.

At least the dam is broken, Cadence thought and wondered about another self-tortured genius as she held the sobbing mare in her hooves.

She glanced down and saw Percy had picked up the cello, and by some wonder was holding it correctly. "Percy," she said.

Having him make the 'cat caught by rocking chair' sound I always managed will not help things.

"Percy!" she called.

The music hit them. Octavia straightened up and just stared. For Cadence, it was far worse. She settled to the ground as her memories charged up to take her from all sides. Saying good bye to Armor as he took a frontier post, watching the tearful filly wave good bye as her foalsitter left on a diplomatic mission months or years in length, a beloved old stallion passing beyond the veil, all the sad goodbyes in her life rose up and overwhelmed her.

Only Octavia's encircling forelegs and the beauty of the music kept her from sliding away into despair. Cadence was dimly aware of the arrival of Mare Harmony and Celestia herself. Neither older mare could do much in the face of that beautiful but bittersweet, melancholy song but stand and reminisce.

Celestia stood there, eyes closed and tears streaming down her cheeks. The ruler of Equestria seemed shaken to her core about something, repeating a word, silently, over and over again.

Percy finally released them. Octavia approached him worshipfully. He looked them over, and seemed as tired as his 'quarry' was. The guards all looked uncomfortable, their usual stoicism in tatters. Celestia looked like she wanted to curl up on the floor and weep for a year.

And I don't feel much better, Cadence admitted, What has he seen that would let him create such a song? How did anyone create such beauty, that hurts so much?

Percy looked at them, his usual placid expression overlaid with weariness as if he poured his own life's blood and soul into the music. The gaze rested on each of them, weighing their soul, each and everyone, and finding them all desperately wanting. Even Celestia turned away ashamed.

This was a rebuke, Cadence thought, It doesn't make any sense that he could deliver one, but that's all that makes sense. Unless that's the only song he knows, but even he's effected. He pulled that out and used it on us. She sniffled. Even on Octavia, she thought as Percy set the cello on its back on the floor and Octavia sat opposite him, But she's seen confirmation of what we've all told her, that she has the power to affect ponies with her music, if she gives it a chance.

They watched in silence as he helped Octavia grip the bow with her pasterns instead of her hooves. She tries to play the piece on the music stand, and Percy stops her. He taps the music rapidly, and points to the top of the bookshelf. He taps the music slowly. Cadence saw comprehension dawn on Octavia's face and the mare grinned.

The piece she played was beautiful, not as haunting as what Percy had played, but still pleasant to listen to.

It also seems to be pretty difficult to play, Cadence thought as they all watched Octavia struggle with the piece she'd written, Who teaches a human to play an instrument, then sells them to the pit fighting leagues? It makes no sense. Many ponies can't play an instrument. Why go to the trouble of teaching a human, and then not use that talent? It would be like ignoring your cutie mark. Cadence put those and other disturbing thoughts aside and watched Octavia struggle with the piece she'd written. Something that all too often ended in a tantrum, but she was doing it now.

Cadence looked over at Mare, and Celestia. Octavia's mother seemed bemused and kept throwing sly glances at Celestia. Cadence's aunt was in a world all her own. Deep in pain, and deep in thought, or both. Mare thinks this is one of Celestia's pranks, but 'Her Solar Highness' can barely carry a tune, let alone play an instrument. What is Celestia thinking? What is she feeling? Cadence wondered, Whatever Percy played, it dredged up something terrible inside her, and she's dealing with it. I wish I could help. She looked at Percy. I can, I just won't be able to control it once I let the djinni out of the bottle.